Elite Business Connector Podcast

From NBA to Business: Alan Stein Jr.’s Blueprint for Elite Performance

• Bryan Buckley

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In this episode, Bryan Buckley sits down with elite performance coach Alan Stein Jr., who trained NBA legends like Kobe Bryant and Steph Curry, to unpack what separates the best from the rest. Alan shares why mastering the fundamentals — not chasing flash — is the real secret to sustained success, and how the habits built in "unseen hours" translate directly into business and life. A must-listen for anyone chasing high performance without burning out.

  • Why the world's best performers stay obsessed with the basics
  • How to build confidence and humility at the same time
  • Using self-awareness as your personal "GPS"
  • Turning comparison into motivation instead of self-sabotage
  • Embracing vulnerability, accountability, and mistakes
  • Adopting a "next play" mentality after setbacks
  • Staying present and focused on what's in front of you
  • Communication habits that build genuine connection


Timestamps

0:00 – Elite Habits In The Unseen Hours

1:24 – Meet Alan Stein Jr

4:09 – Why Sports Lessons Fit Business

5:36 – The Controllables Of High Performers

7:51 – Kobe Bryant And Basic Drills

11:39 – Self-Awareness As Your GPS

16:15 – Comparison Without Self-Sabotage

19:47 – Vulnerability, Accountability, And Fresh Mistakes

27:10 – Building A Next Play Mentality

33:28 – Presence And Being Where Your Feet Are

39:30 – Rapid Fire Communication Truths

44:22 – Resources, Subscribing, And Sharing


Featured Guest

Alan Stein Jr. is a former NBA performance coach turned keynote speaker and author, known for training elite players like Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, and Steph Curry. He now helps individuals and organizations apply the same principles of discipline, consistency, and mental toughness to business and everyday life.

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Elite Habits In The Unseen Hours

SPEAKER_01

Have you ever wondered what are the exact behind-the-scenes habits of the most successful professional athletes? What do they do differently than the rest of us in those unseen moments? And if we knew, how can we incorporate those habits into our daily routine to be elite? Well, today's guest spent 15 years in the gym with players like Kobe Bryant, Kevin Durant, and Steph Curry, not just watching them play, but watching them prepare when no one else was in the building. What he saw changed everything he thought he knew about performance, about presence, and about people. And he took those lessons off the court, onto the stage, and into the pages of three game-changing books Raise Your Game, Sustain Your Game, and Next Play. And today he's bringing all of it right here to the Elite Business Connector Podcast. So stay with me. This one is going to raise your game. Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast, where we believe how you interact with people will make or break your opportunity to develop a real and influential connection. Now, whether you're a rookie or a rock star with people, you're at the right place right now. Let's do it.

Meet Alan Stein Jr

SPEAKER_01

Welcome to the Elite Business Connector Podcast. I'm your host, Brian Buckley, husband of one, father of five, and on a mission to help you develop, deepen, and master your business communication skills. And my promise to you is if you listen and subscribe, I will bring my best content and energy every week to help you get better at communicating and connecting in a business environment. So if you're in sales or leadership, customer service or hospitality, you are in the right place right now. My guest today is Alan Stein Jr. He's an internationally renowned keynote, performance coach, and three-time author. And as I mentioned, he spent more than 15 years working with some of the highest performing athletes on the planet, observing and studying and coaching what elite performance actually looks like in those unseen hours. He now takes those lessons from the hardwood to the boardroom. And he delivers powerful high-energy messages to leading organizations, including Pepsi, Charles Schwab, American Express, Spotify, and Starbucks. His books are awesome. And we'll dive into those and talk through those in a lot more detail. But right now, please welcome to the Elite Business Connectory Podcast, Alan Stein Jr. Well, I am with the Alan Stein Jr. Where are you and how are you, my friend?

SPEAKER_02

I'm Fantastic Double B. I am in my home office just north of Washington, D.C., in a suburb of Maryland.

SPEAKER_01

Maryland guys.

SPEAKER_02

So sports-wise, where are your loyalties? You know, they're kind of fractured. I'm a very loyal Duke basketball fan uh when it comes to college basketball. When it comes to most of the professional sports, I have allegiances with the relationships that I've built over time. Uh different players and different coaches. So I don't necessarily have a team in the NBA or the NFL, but I root for a variety of which that I've built personal relationships with. Because I'm at my heart, I'm a relationship guy.

SPEAKER_01

Yeah, yeah, you are. And uh being a Chicagoan, I'm I have blind loyalty, which shows exactly just how how low uh I loyal I am. So hey, and you're rare Arab too, Alan, because you're one of the very, very few who've been on my podcast more than once and on now two different podcasts, because you originally were on a couple episodes of the Elite Road Rare Podcast.

SPEAKER_00

Yep.

SPEAKER_01

That's right.

SPEAKER_02

Well, it's an honor to be in that crowd. And but I feel like it's been a while since you and I have caught up and recorded some fire. So I'm feeling like this is the first time we're doing it, which is the type of excitement that I want. I I try to approach every relationship, every introduction, every keynote with the same enthusiasm and vibrance as if I'm meeting that person or meeting that audience for the very first time. Love it.

SPEAKER_01

Love it. So

Why Sports Lessons Fit Business

SPEAKER_01

let's dive in. You went from an NBA performance coach to a speaker in a train around. What is the overlap between the sports world and the business world? Especially for those who maybe aren't into sports, what's that overlay in the business world?

SPEAKER_02

Well, there's a tremendous amount of overlap because the the principles that that I use in my own life that I try and model for my children and that I preach and teach on stage and on page have such high utility that they apply to really every area of our life. And that's one of the reasons that I love the work that I do is it's it's not really compartmentalized. It it applies to everything we do. You know, in my own life, this stuff applies to being a father, it applies to being a small business owner, it applies to being a speaker and an author. And it certainly applies as kind of the navigation system as I try to evolve to be the best man that I'm capable of. So most of what I do are speak to proven principles and strategies and approaches that can apply anywhere. And then my job is to help show folks how to use the nuance to apply it to their spare very specific domain. So good work.

SPEAKER_01

Good work, good work. So take us back. I mean, 15 years ago, you know, you're back in the gym with, you know, the Kobe's and the KDs and the Steph Curry's, you know, players that we only see on highlights. What did you see with those guys, Alan, in the gym with them when nobody else is looking, that most people would never know about them unless they hear it from somebody like you?

The Controllables Of High Performers

SPEAKER_02

Well, there were a handful of traits. Uh honestly, uh we could probably come up with a baker's dozen of things that those guys did that they just did differently. They went the extra mile and they did things, you know, really in an extraordinary way. But my favorite part about the list is that every single one of them is controllable. These are all things that any of us could make the decision to do if we choose to do them. But the the caveat I make is that all of these things are very basic and premise, but none of them are actually easy to do on a regular basis, which is why the overwhelming majority of the world chooses not to do them. But instead of going through a list of a dozen or a baker's dozen, let me just give you three off the top of my head. One, which really makes up the foundation of everything that I believe and everything that I preach and teach, is that the best of the best in any area of life, they never get bored with the basics and they have a strong respect and appreciation for the fundamentals. They work towards mastery of the fundamentals during the unseen hours, and they're relentless in their pursuit. Number two, they've learned to combine confidence, which they earn during the unseen hours by putting in repetition, but they've learned to combine that with humility. And humility is what keeps them open to feedback, keeps them open to being coached, and humility is what reminds them that no matter how good they are, they know they can still get better. And when you can blend confidence with humility, it's one of the most attractive elixirs any of us could have. And then the third one I've noticed with all of them, they have very clear and definitive goals. Like that gives them purpose, that gives them direction, that makes sure they're they're going in the right way, but they focus on the process. They don't get too consumed with outcomes and goals, but instead they're relentlessly obsessed with the process. What is the next actionable step that I can take to inch me, or in the case of basketball, my team, just a little bit closer to our goal. So they they don't focus on results and outcomes, they focus on the process. And and what they've modeled for me, and I've now adopted in my own life, is when you learn to focus on the process, you tend to get the results and the outcomes that you desired more times than not. Of course, no.

SPEAKER_01

Yes, exactly. Well, I love that.

Kobe Bryant And Basic Drills

SPEAKER_01

So let's let's unpack one of my favorite stories that you tell. You tell it as a keynote, uh, you tell it in your book. Take us back to the gym with Kobe Bryant and with you coming the time you did, and that whole backstory. Love this story.

SPEAKER_02

Sure. Well, so what I'll do is I'll give kind of the quick cliff notes version, and then if any of your viewers or listeners are interested, if you go to my YouTube channel, you can see a much more theatrical production of it. But back in 2007, which is crazy to think it's been almost 20 years now, yeah, I was working the the Kobe Bryant Skills Academy for Nike out in Los Angeles, and and I got up really early one morning to watch one of Kobe's private workouts because I'd always heard just how insanely intense they were. And I'm it like before 4 a.m., wasn't it something crazy like that time? I mean, I got there at 3 30 and he was already at the gym. So that's he he's certainly legendary for those those early morning workouts. And I'll in a moment I'll explain why he chose to do that. But what I remember as a young coach watching Kobe was here, you know, at that time he was arguably the best player in the world, and he just kept drilling down on very basic drills. You know, he was doing some pivoting drills and some offensive moves and some things that honestly I had done with middle school age players, and and that really surprised me. I expected, especially getting up that early in the morning, that I was gonna go see the best player in the world doing some stuff with some flash and some sizzle, and instead he was just drilling down on the basics. And later that day at camp, I had a chance to have a conversation with him and I asked him, you know, why a player of his stature, why the best player in the world, would be doing such basic drills. And he smiled at me, he winked, and he said something that that changed my life forever, changed my perspective, my philosophy, and my approach forever. He said, Why do you think I'm the best player in the world? I never get bored with the basics. And I remember in that moment as a young coach thinking, if the best basketball player on the planet can commit to refinement and mastery of the basic fundamentals, then I can certainly do the same. And ever since then, in every area of my life where I've aimed for excellence, you know, I want to be an excellent father, I want to be an excellent keynote speaker, you know, whatever the domain, my approach now is I try to figure out what are the fundamentals or the basic building blocks of being excellent in that area. And then I commit to working towards refining and mastering those skill sets during the unseen hours. And so I try not to overcomplicate anything. For anyone that's watching right now, you can see the neon sign above my head about simplifying success. And that's that's really my calling card now is I try to untether from the unnecessarily complex and I try to simplify every area of my life and say, all right, if I want to be the best father I can be, what are three or four things I need to do consistently to be a good father? What are the what are three or four things I need to do to be an exceptional keynote speaker? The refinement and the simplicity has allowed me not only to reach a much higher level of performance and productivity, but it's made things so much more fulfilling as well.

SPEAKER_01

Love that, Alan. And it and it ties into really the basics we talked about in the first five minutes. Yeah. You know, these aren't revolutionary things. We're just contextualizing them, them in the most important minutes of a business conversation. Because if you if you nail the first five, the next 25, the next 55 are so much easier. But if you blow them, it's so much harder. So listening, what we know about, asking questions, eye contact, you know, being present, you know, not distracted, all those things are the basics. And it kind of leads into in in Raise Your Game, which I want to give a shout out to. Right now, my second oldest son, 22, right now, getting his master's in sports psychology, ironically enough, he's reading Raise Your Game right now, which I absolutely love. I think that's super, super cool. But in there, you talk about one of the virtues that's critical is awareness, not talent, not hustle, but

Self-Awareness As Your GPS

SPEAKER_01

self-awareness. So make the case, why does everything else fall apart without it?

SPEAKER_02

I know this analogy is a little bit overused, but there's a reason that we have analogies and cliches that that sometimes feel overused, and that's because there's truth behind them. And, you know, I always joke, you know, I know what things in life I'm pretty good at, and I know what things that I'm not, you know, my biggest opportunities for growth. I mean, even prior to smartphones and GPS, I've always had trouble with direction. So uh now the fact that that we have GPS, you know, tethered to our devices makes life a lot easier for me. And one of the things I've noticed with GPS, which I use all of the time, even in my hometown where I should know where everything is, is in order for a GPS to work, there's only two coordinates that you need. The GPS needs to know exactly where you are in this moment, and it needs to know exactly where you're trying to go. And if you know those two points, then it will give you the most efficient way possible. And if you use an app like Waze, it will give you the most effective and efficient way to get there based on the moment and track instruction. It's absolutely incredible. And the reason I love that analogy is I believe all of us as human beings in every facet of our life should know what those two components are. We need to know where we are, and I say that figuratively in air quotes. You know, we need to know who we are and where we are in time and space. And we need to have an idea of where it is that we're trying to go or the person that we're trying to become. And if if we can get crystal clear on those two things, it will make life much more efficient and our route to get there more effective. And self-awareness falls under that first coordinate of who and where am I in this world right now? And and self-awareness is a combination of knowing the things that you do well, your strengths and your talents, but it's also having the courage to look under the hood at the things that maybe are our weaknesses or areas of growth, or, you know, even if we dive deeper, these are your fears and your insecurities and baggage that you might be dragging from the past. And once we take a holistic view, we know our hopes, our dreams, our strengths, we know our fears, our insecurities, our weaknesses. Then if we have a very accurate evaluation of what those things are, then we have a pretty good idea of who we are as a human being. And I think it's important to look at all of that stuff through an unbiased lens, not to use any of that to be critical of ourselves, to put ourselves down, to compare ourselves to someone else and saying, you know, I'm I'm really behind where I should be in my life because so-and-so is doing better. It's it should not be used as that tool. It should be simply used as sterile, unbiased information to really get a grip on who you are and where you are right now. And then I highly recommend you put equal attention into casting the vision of who you want to be and where you're trying to go. And I'm recalibrating those two things all of the time. And and self-awareness, very similar to physical fitness, which was something you and I were talking about before we hit record, it's an ongoing evolution. It's not something that you ever arrive at. You know, there are times in my life where I'm just more in tune and I'm more self-aware than other times. You know, there's other times in my life where I'm I'm riddled with blind spots and I need some help. And all of those things are okay. They're part of being human and they're part of the human condition, but it's something that you have to consistently work on. You know, if you get yourself in great physical shape, like you've done, man, kudos to you. But you realize that that means you have to continue doing the stuff that got you into this shape in the first place if you want to keep that same level of results. So if you've made some changes to your diet and to your workouts, if you just stop doing all of that, then your body will revert to what it looked like before. But if you want to maintain that, you know, your new sleek physique, then you need to make sure that you continue doing those things. And it's the same thing with self-awareness. You can't plant your flag in the ground and announce to the world, hey, everyone, I'm self-aware, and then stop working on the reflection and the recalibration and the things that you need to do to continue to be self-aware.

SPEAKER_01

Love that, Alan. And it goes back to the former conversation about basics. Oftentimes, those are the things that we need to be most aware of. Are we back to the basics? Are we doing the things that get us where we need to continue to go? And maybe you listen to a podcast like this. It's reading your books. You know, those things are putting in the reps there that I'm not doing what everybody else is doing, which you talk about that as well, the comparison comparison gain being rigged. And you lose when you're measuring yourself to everybody else. So unpack that just for a moment.

Comparison Without Self-Sabotage

SPEAKER_01

If we are competitive, and let's say we are in sales, for example, and we're looking at somebody else and how they're doing of that, how do we make sure that we can be competitive, but then not comparison where it gets us off site where we're not hitting where we need to go? Well, there's two different disclaimers that I want to make.

SPEAKER_02

The first is generally speaking, when someone uses that quote of comparison is the thief of joy, I understand the sentiment behind it. And in many cases, I do agree. But if we're gonna have a little nuance to this, it's not really the comparison that robs us of joy, it's how we choose to use it. Because comparison could be an incredibly helpful tool. One form of comparison that I try and use all of the time is comparing my previous self to my current self. You know, am I proud of the progress I've made in different areas? I also use the comparison of how I'm performing versus what I believe I'm capable of doing or capable of performing. And yes, I still occasionally will use other people, will use peers in the speaking industry or fellow fathers and parents as a recalibration tool to see how I'm doing. But what I make sure that I don't you do is use comparison as a way to make me feel less than. Like, you know, you're you're someone that I really admire and respect as a fellow father. And I want to be able to study you and learn from you and see if there's some behaviors or traits that you use with your children that I could emulate and use with my children. And that type of comparison is very helpful. If I do that and I walk away and go, well, you know, Double B is a great father and I'm just not, then that leaves me feeling less than. That knocks me down a couple pegs. So so one of the disclaimers I want to make is that there's nothing wrong with comparison. We just have to be very careful in how we choose to use it and how we choose to frame it. And one other quick disclaimer, and then I know this was a mouthful. I am a believer in the basics, but I'm not recommending that folks only do the basics. I'm recommending that they never abandon them completely. That working on the fundamentals in every area of your life becomes the foundation to which your success and your fulfillment is built. However, I want folks, and for me personally, my children and myself, I want and recommend people stay open-minded, curious, and courageous enough to still try new approaches, to try new philosophies. And in today's day and age, absolutely try new technologies like AI. So I'm not saying that we all need to stay in the caveman era and only do the very basics. I'm saying that that makes up the foundation of what you do and continue to work on refining basic skill sets and fundamentals, but simultaneously be open-minded to trying new things. So for me personally, you mentioned earlier that some of the keys to effective communication is the ability to actively listen and ask questions. And to me, I would consider those the basics or the fundamentals of being a great communicator. And you better believe that I work on those relentlessly. However, at the exact same time, right before we hit record on this, I was in Chat GPT using that to help me put a framework together for some new social content that I'm going to be putting out. So I believe that we can balance the two worlds at the exact same time and simultaneously. And those that do, those that work on mastery of the basics, while staying open-minded and curious enough to try new technologies like AI, those will be the ones that will be not only the highest performers, but the most fulfilled people walking amongst us.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and I'm glad you unpacked that more, because it it truly is. It's a both and not an eitheror.

Vulnerability Accountability And Fresh Mistakes

SPEAKER_01

You've been very open in your books, Alan, about basically divorce, trying to reinvent yourself, rebuilding, which I appreciate that, because you know, as somebody who's gone through a lot of heartache in my life as well, and they don't always see that from us on stage or from reading a book from that. How the principles that you've worked through in your life bettered you as a, not just as a human being, but in your professional world, in your craft. So can we unpack that, get a little uh in the weeds on that one? Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

Well, you know, I really believe it's a personal decision that everyone has to make on the level of vulnerability that they're willing to go to, and in many cases, who and where they choose to share that. And I've chosen to share rather openly and liberally with anyone that wants to read my books or follow my social content in hopes that we'll help other people. And one of the most liberating reframes for me in my life was in the the Allen Stein Jr. in his teens, 20s, and 30s, and even early 40s, always felt that sharing some of these, for lack of better words, failures or missteps or boneheaded mistakes, I thought sharing those things or admitting them or acknowledge them was actually a sign of weakness. And I had that wrong. The ability to be vulnerable and for me personally to hold myself fully accountable for all of the decisions I've made and understand how I was complicit in every one of those failures, mistakes, or boneheaded decisions. And holding myself to the fire has actually been a sign of strength and has given me strength and has liberated me. And it feels so much better to just own all of that instead of trying to feel like I need to hide it. And what I can acknowledge is, you know, all of these things are part of the human condition. You know, no one goes through life getting all straight A's and going completely undefeated and batting a thousand. Every single one of us will have some missteps and some mistakes and some failures. And I think the degree at which we can own them, not blame, complain, or make excuses, but hold ourselves fully accountable, have the strength to look in the mirror and go, how was I complicit to that relationship ending? How was I complicit to making that really possible? Poor financial decision and owning it all for me has been very empowering. And I'm 50 years old, so I actually believe that I'm at the halftime of my life. And for me, what's most important is not only owning and acknowledging all of the mistakes and missteps I've made in the first 50 years, but really learning the lessons from them and doing the best I can not to repeat them in the next 50 years. Now, I say this with a huge smile and a wink. I'm gonna make plenty of mistakes and poor decisions over the next 50 years, but my goal is to make a fresh batch. It's not to make the same ones I made in the first 50, but go ahead and make some new ones and learn the same lessons in the second 50. And for me, I just feel so much lighter and emotionally more agile that I don't feel like I need to hide behind any of this stuff. I'm open to share about it, I'm open to talk about it, I've learned lessons from it. And if me sharing something that I've gone through can help someone else from stepping on the same landmine, then I want to do that because at my core, I believe that a candle loses nothing by lighting another candle. And ultimately, guys like you and I are in the business of lighting other people's candles. And I want to do that through honest vulnerability.

SPEAKER_01

I don't want to escape the reality that you did the hard work. I'm reading a book right now by Jim Collins called What to Make of a Life. He does these studies. It's the guy, you know, obviously Bill Good to Great, Built to Last, all those, and he's analyzing all these different people. People that is a ton looking at their entire life and how they make their life. And many of them, it's astronauts, it's athletes, it's engineers, it's all musicians, all these different seasons of life. And what he found was trying to find people Alan knew who didn't have cliffs, as he calls them, which is that defining moment. And come to find out they all did. They just looked differently and happened in different ways. And after the cliff, they went through a fog trying to figure out getting a sense of reality, and then they got the clarity to figure out potentially what would be their next move. But through that, though, that fog is really when they did the hard work. And many of them decided, like Michael J. Fox decided to come out and say, Hey, I've got Parkinson's huge promoter, but it took him seven years. And he had to work through that. And I think what's interesting, Alan, and your point, and just to drill down just a second longer, is we still have to do the hard work so that when we do talk about it, it is like you're mentioning, it's lighting another candle. It's someone saying, Hey, I went through this, but this is what I learned, and I don't plan on making that same mistake. Here I want to help you. So I just want to want to commend you on that. So many people are out there right now, speakers and authors, almost too polished. And I enjoy getting to the fourth chapter when all of a sudden, wow, they are human. This is what they learned, and I can take away from that. So, thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_02

I appreciate you sharing that very much. And, you know, there's that old saying when the student is ready, the teacher appears. I mean, I'm not anointing myself any gold medals or trophies. It took me 40 years to be able to come up with the courage to acknowledge and share a lot of these different things. And everyone's gonna see the light at a different time. And that's why I say, with all sincerity and compassion, it's a personal decision for each and every one of us to decide how vulnerable we choose to be, especially in a public forum. And I don't think there's a right or a wrong way. I think everyone needs to find their own path. All I can do is speak from the first person and just say that for me personally, it has just felt so liberating to lean into those things and own those things. And I also found that, you know, during those first 40 years when I had trouble being vulnerable, that I was the king of blaming, complaining, and making excuses. Like literally every single mistake or poor decision I made or relationship that ended, I could easily find why it was someone else's fault. It wasn't my fault. And that was just me being very scared, honestly, and being very insecure. I didn't have the strength or the confidence to acknowledge my role in those things. And now that I've learned to let go of that, like I've said several times, it's just it's a liberating feeling. And for me personally, I have three teenage children. So my kids are a little younger than yours. I've got 16-year-old twin sons and a 14-year-old daughter. And a good portion of what I'm trying to do now as their father is appropriately share many of these missteps and mistakes that I've made, especially the ones that I made when I was their age in my early 20s. And I do that for a few reasons, uh, but most specifically is to make sure that I'm humanizing myself in the eyes of my children. I want to make sure that they understand that they're not being held to a standard of perfection and that as their father who loves them unconditionally, I am well aware that they're going to make some mistakes, they're going to fail at some things, they're going to have relationships in, they're going to get cut from the team, they're going to fail tests, they're going to have, they're going to go through the things that most of us experience. And I want to let them know that's okay. That, again, is part of us being on this planet. And I want to be able to model that for them. And I want to most importantly teach them the emotional regulation skills to have the resiliency to handle all of these things. And I do that because, you know, I wish that I would have had those skill sets and traits when I was their age.

Building A Next Play Mentality

SPEAKER_01

Well, and it's a great pivot too, Alan, for your most recent book, Next Play, which I absolutely love. It was a different approach of how you had written your first two books, meaning that it's that there's what, 34 different strategies that you have in there and different categories from there. So somebody that's new to your work, I think it's a great book. So let's pivot to that for a moment. Let's think about somebody on a sales professional all of a sudden here just had a brutal call, it did not go well, and they've got to go into the next into the next call. Or somebody in hospitality and they just got reamed out by a guest, and they've got to come right back. So let's get really practical on the next play, whether it's something big in our life, as we just discussed, or literally it was just the play that had just happened, and I've got to move on to the next play.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, I love that you brought that up. And I did intentionally write next play and helping folks develop a next play mentality in a very specific way. It's about a third of the page count and word count of my previous two books. And I tried to write it in a way that was very digestible and short as opposed to some of the lengthier works that I've had before.

SPEAKER_01

Isn't that hard though? Wasn't it hard? I'm the same, same with the first five minutes. I did the same thing. It's so hard.

SPEAKER_02

Yeah, being concise and trimming the fat is incredibly difficult in every area of our life, but that's also what made it so worthwhile and so rewarding. And there's really three lenses that I use a next play mentality with and that I recommend folks at least consider, and I put that in the book, and then we'll drill down in what you just asked because that's really the first lens. And the first lens is how do you use next play in the micro, in the moment, in our day-to-day? That is when you know a basketball player misses a shot and needs to move to the next play. A sales professional loses the sale, next play. A mother or father has an argument with their teenage kid, next play. So it's it's how do we quickly reframe and refocus the lens when the day-to-day stuff doesn't go the way that we'd hoped? A Starbucks barista messes up your order and you're late for a meeting. You get stuck in a traffic jam and the day-to-day nuances. The second lens is when we zoom back out and we look at it through a macro lens and we say, all right, what are some of the big life transitions that most of us will experience? Everybody is not cut from the same cloth, but generally speaking, most of us go through similar transitions. We go from being in high school to either going to university or getting our first job. We go from living with our parents to living on our own. We go from being single to being married. We go from being married with no children to married with children. In some cases, we go from being married to not being married. We go from job to job. Sometimes we move from city to city. You know, we go from having many times parents who are young and vivacious and in great health to parents who maybe are not in great health or pass away. We maybe get a diagnosis of some type of illness or disease that's not favorable. There's so many different things that we go through. You go from having kids at home to being an empty nester. There's a handful of things that most of us will experience. And I want folks to look at the next play through a macro lens and learn how to prepare for many of those situations. And this is never about being paranoid, but it's about being prepared. It's about saying, okay, I have to- say that again. Say that again. That's a great quote. It's not about being paranoid, it's about being prepared. And it's about saying, you know, as I announced before, I have 16-year-old twin sons and a 14-year-old daughter. In the blink of an eye, they will be out of the house doing whatever it is they choose to do post-high school. So, what is my next play going to be as a father and as a man when my current circumstances of having three kids changes? And I'll have three kids, they'll still be my three kids, but they'll be living somewhere else with a heavy heart. My mom passed away this past fall, almost a year ago now, from a battle with dementia. So I've had to step into a next play of spending 50 years of having a mom to now not having a mom in the physical form. And the writing's on the wall that, you know, my dad may not be around for that much longer. So it's like I'm trying to be proactive in figuring out how I can step into these different circumstance changes and make my next play my best play. And then the third lens that we should or can use the next play mentality is with setting goals. Generally speaking, goals are rather binary by design. Either you achieve them or you don't. But whether you hit your goal or you fall short, the question should still be the same. And that is, what is my next play? If I hit my goal, so so as a keynote speaker, I have a revenue goal, a speaking revenue goal each year. Well, when I hit that goal, certainly I want to celebrate it and feel good about the accomplishment. But then I need to say, okay, well, what's my next play for the following year? You know, am I going to raise the bar and try and achieve a higher goal? Am I going to try to see if I can hit the same goal for back-to-back years? You know, but but I still need to figure out what's next. I don't want to rest on the performance that I had the previous year. I want to be able to figure out what's next. If and when I fall short of the goal, which has happened plenty of times, same thing. I need to recalibrate and go, all right, what's the next play? Do I need to change the goal or do I need to change my approach or my behaviors? You know, so if we can jockey in and out of using next play on the day to day, zoom out and use it on the big stuff, and use it with every goal we set in every area of our life, that type of next play mentality for me has been arguably the most helpful frame and tool that I have.

SPEAKER_01

Love that. And all three of those are concurrent. It's not a matter of you're getting this and then all of a sudden you move on to the micro, then you move to macro, then you move to goals. So I like the nuance of those. And your chapters are so good too, especially for those. You know, I I joke around and say, I, you know, I wrote my last book for people who don't read. You know, and it's something too, most people consume my content audibly. So they're listening on their way to a sales call or to work. And I want to encourage real quick on your book, Next Plate, it's the same way. So because the chapters are bite sizes, it'd be very easy to consume 15 minutes drive to see a customer or on the way to work or wherever with that. So love those three lenses.

Presence And Being Where Your Feet Are

SPEAKER_01

I want to go back real quick to in the sports world and the overlap with the business world of the need for presence, of being present on the field, being present in the conversation. So let's kick out on that for just a couple of minutes and then we'll move up to the end of the rapid fire questions.

SPEAKER_02

Well, the interesting part about being present, and this is something that I preach and teach on stage and on page all of the time. And at the same time, I can say with a huge smile that being fully present is still to this day one of my biggest challenges because, like, probably like yourself and like everyone watching or listening, it is very easy to allow our attention to be hijacked from either to the past or to the presumed future. And while I do think there is value in looking in both directions, there is immense value in looking backwards at previous decisions and versions of ourselves, learning lessons from those things and trying to apply them to the present moment. So I do think it's important to look back and learn lessons. And I do think it's equally important to spend a little bit of time looking forward to a presumed future and preparing for what that future may look like. I just don't believe in living in either one of those areas. I want to put most of my faculties, most of the time, in the present moment. And the funny part is honestly, that's the only place we can ever be anyway, outside of language and outside of travel is in the moment. Like you actually cannot be in the past and you cannot be in the future outside of language or in our own minds. So that's why I really want to try and be in the in the moment as as much as possible.

SPEAKER_01

So you mentioned still struggling with that. So let me interrupt real quick. How do you still struggle with that? Because I it's one of mine as well of being, I call it locked in, locked in listening to be there. Because I can be there, but not there, you know what I'm saying? And physically there, but mentally, you know, I'm on to the next thing that I want to say, or or something gets hijacked, I call it ADD attention distraction disorder within that. So for you, Alan, how do you struggle with that as far as being locked in present in that moment?

SPEAKER_02

Well, I struggle with it because I still think the human temptation of thinking about something that happened a few minutes ago, a few days ago, or a few weeks ago is a natural part of the human condition. And I think the anxiety and worry that is always self-induced about what may or may not happen five minutes, five days, or five months from now, I think both of those things are normal and natural as kind of protective mechanisms. But what I have now is a much higher sense of awareness. I can usually catch myself fairly quickly if I find myself being emotionally hijacked or mentally hijacked into one of those spaces. If I'm having a conversation from you with you and I notice that I'm thinking about what I'm gonna eat for lunch later, it's usually only a couple of seconds into that thought that I can quickly get myself back to being focused and being present. So I'm certainly nowhere close to perfect and I'm nowhere close to being a Tibetan monk, but I do have a much higher level of awareness now that I can catch it. And like most things, awareness is always the first step to improvement because you'll never improve something you're unaware of and you'll never fix something you're oblivious to. So one of the keys to being in the present moment is having an awareness of when you're not in the present moment, of when you are either looking back or looking forward. So for me, I have that awareness, and I just remind myself to be where my feet are. You know, that was a quote I heard that probably 15 years ago. And I remember hearing it from Oprah and I hear heard it from Nick Sabin, two people that I really respect and trust. And I figure if those two folks are saying it, it's probably true. So when I find myself allowing myself to mentally time travel either backwards or forwards, I just remind myself, Alan, be where your feet are, be where your feet are. And it's like anything else. The more you practice it and the more repetitions you get, the more conditioned you'll be to do it. And while I joked before that I'm far from a Tibetan monk, I can say with a huge amount of pride and enthusiasm, I am more present, more consistently today than I have been at any previous time in my life. And that just means I'm moving in the right direction. But yes, there are plenty of throughout the day that I'm kind of mentally time traveling when I need to be present, but I'm doing that less often and less frequently than I did before. So as long as I'm continuing to move in the right direction, then I feel like I'm making progress. And as far as being present, that's all I can ask for.

SPEAKER_01

Well, and I think the goal in what you're saying, Alan, is realizing it's important, but catching yourself in the moment. And what I love about the first five minutes concept and the overlap of your content is sometimes it's just a matter of starting strong. If I can walk into that conversation with the look at you, not look-at-me mentality, and I lead by acknowledging something about you and asking about you in that first minute, think personal, everything else can change from there. I'm more likely to be aware of I'm starting that direction, but then I'm also the court sense, oh, my mind is is I'm asking a question, but I'm not necessarily listening to the response back to that. So I absolutely love that as far as the awareness of that. It's a growth area, it's a still struggle, but the way to overcome that is through that constant awareness and then adjusting. So love that. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02

And if if I am genuinely, if we're talking about especially the first five minutes and having a conversation, if I am genuinely curious and fascinated and interested in you, then it becomes in my best interest to be fully present because I want to acknowledge and hear and soak up everything that you're sharing. So if I'm making it about you, even if I have the selfish intent of saying, hey, I'm here to learn something from Brian, like I can't wait to steal some of his knowledge or steal some of the things he's going to share. But if we can position ourselves in a way where we're interested in the other person, we're curious about their beliefs or what they're going to share or what they have to offer, then that's a way to help prime us for being more present.

SPEAKER_01

Well said. Well said. So let's shift

Rapid Fire Communication Truths

SPEAKER_01

gears. I've got 10 rapid fire questions, short questions, quick answers, and overthinking, just impulse, and if you want to add a caveat to it, you're welcome to do so. You ready? I am, let's do it. By nature, talker or listener? Listener. Names. Naturally good at remembering names or having to work on them. I have to really work on that. Scripted or spontaneous? Scripted. Questions. Come naturally, or you have to be intentional to ask them. No, they come fairly naturally. I'd agree on that. Eye contact.

SPEAKER_02

Natural or something you have to think about? It's something I've had to work on. I struggled with that when I was younger because I didn't have the confidence, but now that I've built the confidence, eye contact is very important to me and something that comes very naturally. Biggest communication pet peeve. What drives you crazy? Lack of listening, people that just are there there to talk. We uh uh Brian Regan, one of my favorite comedians, calls those people me monsters. Everything is about me. I'm just a me monster.

SPEAKER_01

Love that, me monster. I'm gonna have to I'm gonna have to use that. Not not apply it, but I'm gonna use that line. Three words to describe a great conversation. Curious, open-minded, and levity. Ooh, those are good.

SPEAKER_02

What's your superpower in a conversation? I care. I I care about other people, I care about people's opinions, I care about people's rights, I care about people's perspectives, and I just care about my fellow humans, and and caring has always been my number one superpower.

SPEAKER_01

So let me drill down on that and validate that. Anything on video for you, whether your keynotes or any communication of that, it comes across, Alan. And I think the lesson for those that are listening, especially in the first five minutes, whether in sales or service or hospitality, it's it's the fact of learning to be genuine and learning to really, really care about the other person. It can't be fake more than 30 seconds because you're gonna blow it the next lack of question or hijack into conversation. So I just want to affirm you that on the stage, that's the way that you are, which is rare, and even more rare in person on the camera and even off camera that you're that person. So I just want to make sure to kind of give you the kudos on that and uh a lesson learned for those who are listening along to Morales. Thank you. How do you know when you're connecting with someone?

SPEAKER_02

It's it's just a feeling. I I think between their body language, their posture, the eye contact, and if you can pick up on their nonverbals, it's it's a skill that you just learn to feel.

SPEAKER_01

Perfect. Last question. If you can leave every person you meet with one feeling, what is it?

SPEAKER_02

That you are enough. That that you don't have to perform to be worthy of anything, that you at your core are enough. And I say that looking into the camera, but I actually have to say that looking into the mirror to remind myself of that.

SPEAKER_01

That's good. You at your core. I really, really like that. Wrapping this up, Alan. Any closing thoughts that you would like to leave us with today?

SPEAKER_02

No, this was a lot of fun, man. You and I have known each other for a long time, and it's always uh a pleasure and a joy to reconnect with you. Really love all of the work you're doing, and this first five concept is is brilliant and is in perfect alignment with everything that I believe about mastering the basics and we don't need to overcomplicate things. This is always a lot of fun and a real treat for me. Perfect.

SPEAKER_01

Grateful for that. Anyone who wants to get more of S ASJ in their life in the professional world, how do we find out more about you? This is your uh your promotion time here.

SPEAKER_02

Sounds good. You can just go to AlensteinJr.com. That's the hub of everything that I do. I'm very easily found and very accessible and responsive on social media. I'm Alenstein Jr. on LinkedIn, Instagram, and X, and very good about getting back to folks. As Double B has mentioned a couple times, I have three books: Raise Your Game, Sustain Your Game, and Next Play, all of which can be found on Amazon or Audible or wherever you like to get your books and audiobooks. And it's always my pleasure to extend these conversations. So if somebody reaches out on social media, shoot me a DM about what you enjoyed most, or if you have a question, or if you have something you want to share, and I'll make sure to get back to you because I love the dialogue that these types of conversations create.

SPEAKER_01

Love it, Alan. I'll make sure that your website, all the books are linked in the show notes of that. I really, really challenge. If there's any of the books, all of them are good. But if you're looking for those quick hits, especially to the micro, macro, and goal-oriented, that may be the what resonates for you that you're listening right now or watching. Maybe pick that up. Maybe if you are not a physical reader, get the audible version of that. I absolutely love his audible books. So please, I really, really encourage you to check those out. So, well, ladies and gentlemen, that is Alan Stein Jr. And until we meet again, my friend.

Resources Subscribing And Sharing

SPEAKER_02

Thank you.

SPEAKER_01

I want to thank Alan Stein Jr. for bringing his energy, his honesty, and his heart to this conversation. Alan, you're the real deal. And everything you're doing through Razor Game, Sustained Your Game, and Next Play is making people better, not just in business, but also in life. And I'm very grateful for you. I also want to announce a brand new resource to you that will be for every even numbered episode moving forward, which is an interview cheat sheet resource that covers all the key highlights and takeaways from this episode with Alan Stein Jr. I'm a big proponent of leveraging this new intel that we receive into immediate action. That we become doers, not just hears. And if you can find this free resource in the show notes, then you can download it. Also, don't forget to follow and subscribe to the show wherever you get your podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you're watching on YouTube, don't forget to subscribe and leave a comment. Let us know what resonated with you in this episode. And if this episode and our content add values to you and your business, then do me a favor, share it. Send it to someone on your team who needs to be able to hear this. I greatly appreciate it. And I always want to hear from you, I mean your comments, questions, ideas. Shoot me an email at Brian at Brian BuckleySpeaks.com. I read every single one. The links in the show notes are available for you along with everything ASJ related. Also, if you're interested in bringing in anything, first five minutes to your company, to your next SKO, to your association, any event, please let me know. Reach out again on LinkedIn or Brian at Brian BuckleySpeaks.com, and it's Brian with a Y. Until next time. Keep improving your communication, conversation, and connection skills every single day. As my bearers chant good, better best, never let it rest till your good gets better and your better gets best. And as my father used to say, You know it. Thanks for coming, but most of all, thanks for leaving. I'm out. You got this now. Now is your time to do something with this episode. And always remember to leverage your first five minutes to build connection, trust, and influence. You got this.

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Bryan Buckley

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