Getting Real About Fatherhood

In this special Father's Day episode of Parenting Shrink Wrapped, Sam Straub and Dr. Melissa Wellner welcome filmmaker, educator, podcast host, and father Dan Gvozden for a candid conversation about the realities of fatherhood.

From neighborhood adventures and childhood imagination to work-life balance and parenting confessions, Dan shares what he's learning while raising a preschooler and building a business. Together, they explore why presence, curiosity, and listening may be some of the most important gifts parents can give their children.

Filled with humor, honesty, and heartfelt reflections, this episode celebrates fathers while offering meaningful insights for all parents striving to build stronger connections with their kids.

About Dan

With over fifteen years of experience teaching filmmaking, photography, and creative writing at prestigious private high schools and universities, Dan’s passion for teaching his students to use the filmic arts to express their voices, regardless of budget, resources, or ability, led him to found The Backlot - Film School and Studio. Dan earned a BFA in Film & Television Production from NYU’s Tisch School of the Arts, an MA in Cinema and Media Studies from UCLA, and has a decade of published work as a film critic and a lifetime of film production, and prides himself as a passionate pied-piper for creativity in all of its forms!

Connect with Dan and Backlot
Follow Backlot on Facebook

Contact: parentingshrinkwrapped@gmail.com

Watch on YouTube: Subscribe to Parenting Shrink Wrapped for the latest episodes.

Follow:
Sam – Instagram & Facebook
Melissa – Facebook

Work with Us:
Sam – Teen Savvy Coaching
Melissa – Annapolis Psychiatry

Free Parenting Resource: Learn the L.O.V.E.D. framework for handling tricky convos.

Listen & Review: Follow on Apple Podcasts or Spotify.

This podcast is educational in nature and is not a substitute for professional medical or mental-health care. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:00

And I just really see the real value in this kind of education for anybody of any age, but especially for teenagers. Um you know, i I I over time my my role has kind of changed in in what I feel like I'm teaching as the sort of tools have become more accessible. It's been less about the sort of like technology element of it. The kids kind of often come in ready to go with their cameras and stuff. It really comes down to storytelling, sharpening one's voice, and also like frankly, getting kids to kind of open up about the things that they're struggling with and channeling it into art. You know, I I happen to love filmmaking, but it's really just a vessel for communication as we've kind of been talking about.

SPEAKER_03 0:47

Welcome to Parenting Shrink Rap, where two mental health professionals will get real with you about the joys and the challenges of raising children and teens. I'm your co-host, Dr. Melissa Wellner, a double board certified psychiatrist, and child and adolescent psychiatrist, and mom of three.

SPEAKER_02 1:07

And I'm Samantha Straub, licensed clinical counselor, longtime educator, parenting coach, and mother of two. Together, we'll explore all things parenting, from handling monumental meltdowns to first-time drivers. We're all about giving you practical strategies that work. Parenting Shrinkwraft is more than just advice. You'll sit in with us for compassionate conversations about the complexities and the absurdities of parenting. We're here to support you and your kiddos.

SPEAKER_03 1:37

So grab your cup of coffee, take a deep breath, buckle up, and join us for this journey called Parenthood. We'll laugh, learn, and commiserate about the joys and messiness of raising kids.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

And I know that this conversation is going to run the gamut between poignant and uh absurd. And that's our goal. That's our hope. Because that's that's really what dadding and frankly momming uh does to us. It runs the gamut between poignant and absurd, and we're gonna go all the places. But before we get there, Melissa, question for you What is one of your most fond growing up memories with your dad?

SPEAKER_03 2:46

So I'm a lot like my dad. Um, I look like my dad personality-wise, I'm all my dad. So things he liked to do, I also like to do. So I have a lot of fond memories with my dad. My dad is the kind of crazy Christmas decorator at the holidays. Um, so there's plenty of winters of putting up a lot of Christmas lights. Um, and there's this one hilarious memory where my father and I are on the roof of our house, and my mom asked him to like clean the windows while he's up on the roof. Because, you know, what better time than to clean the windows while we're stringing Christmas lights? And my mother is not an athlete, and my father and I literally had to brace ourselves from falling off the roof because my mother tried to chuck up roll of paper towels up to the roof at least 10 times, and my dad and I were sitting on the roof cracking up.

SPEAKER_02 3:44

Um, like she couldn't throw it, she couldn't make it up. I thought maybe they unraveled down.

SPEAKER_03 3:51

So and my dad and I are on like the second story of a colonial style house roof, trying to get paper towels so my dad can clean the windows because my mother wants the windows cleaned while we're in the midst of doing Christmas light. Because why not?

SPEAKER_02 4:05

Because why not?

unknown 4:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 4:06

So that's a momming and a dadding story. Yes. Um, do you want to hear my son? Yeah. So my dad, who's 85, now like he's about to be 86 when this drops, um can make an adventure out of anything and did. And often he would take my sister and me on Saturday mornings, not often, almost every Saturday morning, out for his errands, which always turned into a like it could turn into a day-long adventure. And the adventure could be like going to a deli, stopping at the pet store nearby. Um, and I have such fond memories of riding in the back of my of my parents' Hornet station wagon, my dad with with the car windows down, no air conditioning, tapping his wedding ring on the top to the beat of like the folk music that was playing to the on the top of the car. And I never knew. I was like, how does he get that clanky sound? Because I didn't realize it was his wedding ring he was using to make the beat. And driving to the town over where he would go get his dry cleaning. That was the only mission of his. But next door was this um uh deli that we would stop for like food. There was a bakery around the corner, we got to pick what we wanted. There was this pet store that had this crazy, probably inhumane monkey in a cage, and we got to go hang out with a monkey. Then we would go shopping for stickers around the corner, and then it like it could morph into anything. And by the time we got home, there's no cell phones. My mother is seething mad, like, where have you been? And I'm certain that these adventures were to take my sister and me out of her hair, and yet she was like, You were gone for so long that I had no idea like what to plan. That's that's my dad in a nutshell. He's still like that. He's still like when he comes to visit, if I say, Hey, I need to go to the container store to buy, you know, magazine holders, he's like, I'm game, let's go check out the magazine holders. You know, he's he can make an adventure out of anything. And he just um at the time of this recording, like three days ago, got back on from a trip to uh Hungary and Germany because he's still making adventures out of things. That's awesome. Yes, yes. So so um I hope that you listening have fond dad memories. Um we don't all, um, but I hope that there are some light memories. And I I'm excited to talk to the dad that we have as a guest today. Dan Gavosden has been someone I've known what, 14 years, I think, maybe even longer. Um he and I were colleagues when we first and when I first started working as a school counselor at Severn School, and we overlapped. And he was not a dad at that point. Um, I was a mom. He's a young dad now. Um Dan, how old were you when you eased when we became colleagues? 2012.

SPEAKER_00 6:50

I'm oh 2012. I guess I would have been uh 26.

SPEAKER_02 6:55

Okay, but I didn't I had no idea how old Dan was because he was like looks-wise, he was kind of ageless. Um and so I would have been 36 or 37.

SPEAKER_00 7:06

That's a comedy way of saying I was bald in my early 20s. Well that but I'll I'll take it. I'll take it.

SPEAKER_03 7:12

Ironically, I knew I knew Dan's dad professionally and his mom, and didn't know Dan. So I actually knew his dad. So his dad is a pediatrician, and his dad and I have shared patients that we would collaborate on, and the same thing with his mom. And so I didn't know of Dan until Sam introduced me to Dan, but I know Dan's dad.

SPEAKER_02 7:42

So the the Gavazdin, you know, family weaves in and out of parenting shrink wrapped in a number of ways. But the most recent way of which was Dan has just moved back not that long ago from California, where he went to film school and then built a life teaching film and um video production to Maryland and opened the Backlot Studio, the um film school and studio, where Melissa and I recently recorded an episode that is actually going to drop uh next week. By the time this one drops, it will it will have been out a few weeks. So the episode with Chad Lennon on ADHD um was recorded in the back lot studio's uh facility. And so Dan is like a wonder in terms of you know tech and podcast production. I'm almost kind of I'm a little embarrassed to have him as a guest on our dinky little podcast because he's he's had a podcast for as long as I've known him called the Amazing Spider Talk, right? Isn't that what it's called, Dan?

SPEAKER_00 8:45

Yeah, yeah. Uh we are in our 14th year. Yeah. Yeah, amazing. Basically probably started right as we like met.

SPEAKER_02 8:53

Uh-huh. And that was like before podcasts were hot, but of course, Dan Gabazdin was on it. Yeah. Yeah. Like the cutting edge.

SPEAKER_00 8:59

So it wasn't even my first podcast. But yeah.

SPEAKER_03 9:03

What was it before the amazing spider talk, Dan?

SPEAKER_00 9:07

I was doing like movie review podcasts. Uh, I was a like, you know, a burgeoning film critic for the time. And and uh at the time it's funny because I felt like I was the old person arriving late to the game, and uh like that there were already so many movie podcasts, you know. Uh, what am I gonna add to this conversation? Uh I'll find some other niche topic that I can podcast about, and that's when the Spider-Man, you know, podcast was born. Um and you know, we're doing it 14 years later, and now everybody's like, oh, you're the the old man. So who knows? Maybe I should have stuck this movie.

SPEAKER_03 9:41

It makes us really old, Dan. Um so we thought Dan would bring a lot of great humor and just kind of down-to-earth sad life to our parenting shrink podcast, which is why we asked him to do this episode.

SPEAKER_00 10:05

Um you're massively overselling me here.

SPEAKER_02 10:10

Um we we know, I I know from being your colleague that the joy in this conversation comes from not having any flipping idea what direction it's gonna take.

SPEAKER_03 10:23

So Dan does not know the questions that are about to be thrown at him. So um, so I'm gonna start us off. Um, so Dan, what's the most dad thing that you do now that you swore you'd never do before becoming a dad?

SPEAKER_00 10:40

Um, I you know what? I think the thing is uh uh I I kind of pride myself on on kind of like being like uh uh outside the norm in some way. Um and so like anything that I think is kind of like normative, like uh sort of uh uh suburban dad behavior is something I never really truly imagined myself uh embracing. And so I think the thing that I that I laugh about the most and I've really embraced it, and I call it dad core, is like wearing dad-related pieces of clothing. Like I have a hat that says dad on it, and it's just like in bold font. And I like how like kind of bold and kind of silly it is. It just says dad. There's no like sports dad, or like, you know, like there's no dressing it up. It just says dad, as if like it's a reminder of me not to forget that I have a child. Like I look in the mirror, yeah, I'm dad, you know. Um like a warning, like I'm walking with my son down the street, and people are like, oh yeah, that's his kid. I shouldn't be concerned, you know. Uh uh, you know, but yes, I I have embraced the sort of like uh like clothing that uh is labeled with dad, which I think I might have like formerly rolled my eyes at. Like, yeah, good for you. You're a dad. But like you know what? I'm a dad. I'm proud of it. And uh I I apologize to anybody I may have rolled my eyes at in the past.

SPEAKER_02 12:07

So Dan, your son is three, is that right?

SPEAKER_00 12:10

Yeah, he's about to turn uh uh four in in June. So I don't know when people are hearing this, but he may already have to be a good one. Right, yeah. And and in which case, if this is ha uh happening after his birthday, shame on all of you for not uh wishing him a happy birthday. So uh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:26

Um and that age, my God, they say the best stuff. Like, do you keep a do you keep a journal of some of his his isms, like some of the things that he says that are so funny?

SPEAKER_00 12:37

Oh, totally. Um, and you know, the pronunciations, my favorite is um uh let's go to the restaurant.

SPEAKER_02 12:44

That's what my daughter called it too. We still call it the restaurant.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

That's amazing. Yeah. We still call it that. That's hilarious. Yeah, my son is really into outer space, so like I think that's a funny kind of like crossover from his like personal interests. Um, and I don't know, uh Sam and Melissa, maybe you saw this on um Mother's Day. I made a video for uh my wife um like to celebrate the holiday. And being that I'm a filmmaker, I I've long wanted to do sort of like video-based presence, uh, mostly because I have no money, but also because it's a skill set that I have. And so um I'm actually in the studio right now where I filmed this, but I filmed my son answering a bunch of like questions about his mom on Mother's Day. And, you know, he definitely clammed up when the camera turned on, um, but went through a wide range of emotions in front of the camera, as any three-year-old might. And uh that is a little bit of kind of my way of trying to, you know, uh memorialize the things that you're talking about, like what kind of things my son might say, you know, completely off the cuff that you're like, oh my gosh. And I'll be honest, I edited a few out. Like there was a moment where I was like, you know, what does your mom do to help you when you're feeling big emotions? And he said, Oh, she hits me. And it's like, we have never hit our child in the history of his life. I don't know where that came from, you know. Uh, but uh, you know, kids will say, I guess the the darndest things that can wind you in front of uh uh CPS, but no one even did.

SPEAKER_02 14:19

I saw that video, Dan, and what I loved is the thumbnail for that video was him in tears. Like that's the one that, you know, like the video, it's a because he ends, he's like happy and talking and answering questions in this joyful way, and then he's like, wait, this is weird. Then they have to take a break to dance so he can regroup and dance to the song that has his name in it, which is really cute. And then he comes back and he's like more and more overwhelmed until he's just like, I want my mom. It's it is it's classic and it's awesome, and it's just it's exactly like it's a microcosm of raising children of any age, I feel like.

SPEAKER_00 14:58

Yeah, like they don't change in some ways, like and I admit like a dad moment there. Like, here I am, I'm behind a camera, and like it's clearly made him uncomfortable. And I asked him, and this is probably the thing that set him off. I said, you know, um, uh, you know, uh, are you afraid of the camera? Because he seemed like a little bit shy, and he's like, Yes, and he burst into tears. I want my mom, you know, and in my head, I as a producer, I was thinking, oh, this is the perfect ending. He's crying, saying, I want my mom. Um, you know, and I'm like, okay, lean it, lean into that. Instead of comforting my son, I'm like provoking this response, you know? And like, in in the moment, I, you know, I'm thinking, like, you know, it's it's a three-year-old, he's gonna cry. They don't really mean it like half the time, you know, like it's just like an emotional, they can't control their emotions. So I'm like, okay, the the the Mother's Day gift is more important than his like temporary discomfort at the moment. And it ended up being the perfect way to end it, is like he's truly showing how much he loves his mom. That she's the one that he calls out for when he's feeling uncomfortable. Um, and maybe for a good reason, because his dad's putting him in these situations.

SPEAKER_02 16:13

All right. That leads me to my next question. Since becoming a dad, how has your relationship with work changed?

SPEAKER_00 16:24

I mean, I think anybody that knows me knows that I'm I don't know if I would call myself a workaholic, but I'm a bit of a perfectionist, and I really, as a high school teacher, for as long as I was, really was um uh like a river to my students. I I I say that um my favorite movie is uh Lawrence of Arabia, and there's a great moment where like uh one of the main characters says, like, I'm a river to my people, and I and I think about that all the time. Uh just like how much of myself can I give to others, and being you know a father, right? Like I still want to model that for my son. Um, but I'm definitely conscious of like how much time, you know, I you know want to be there for him so he knows that I'm a real presence in his life. And simultaneously I'm trying to like launch this business, which usually like requires you know an insane amount of um you know devotion to get something off the ground. And I can't say like necessarily if I'm balancing that correctly. I do feel like I'm very present for my son. And last week was, for example, I was here to like nine or ten o'clock at night almost every night of the week, but then we went camping over the weekend, and I left all of my electronics at home and really devoted myself to giving him attention. I do think kids are paying attention more than um we often give them credit for. And also, you know, uh you mentioned my parents. My parents are pediatricians, and you know, there there's no way to deny as a kid that you see your parents putting in, you know, back breaking hours in the office for other people's kids and and reflect on, you know, are they bringing that home for me? And I I remember reading like a diary of mine from elementary school where it said, like, you know, if you could tell your dad one thing, what would it be? And it was uh I think I wrote, throw away your beeper, uh, which date dates me considerably in some regards, you know. Um but um, you know, any parenting I feel like you do is often a response to your the way you were parented, um, which is not to knock my parents in in any way, and I'm sure it was more balanced than like six or seven-year-old me could acknowledge, you know. Um, but it does stick in the back of my mind of like how much I should kind of, you know, make sure that I'm there uh for my son when when I can be, and you know, when I'm there that it's like meaningful time to spend with my son. And I in no way will, you know, being on here for the Father's Day uh uh episode, I just want to say like I I am not the perfect dad, and I and I do not if there is one, you know.

SPEAKER_02 19:04

Um we don't want him on here if there is one. He'd make us feel ashamed.

SPEAKER_00 19:08

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

Neither Sam nor I claim to be perfect moms any day of the week.

SPEAKER_00 19:14

Yeah. Yeah, no, totally. Uh, but I I'm I'm doing my best, and um, you know, we we have a couple of habits that you know we've gotten into that have been like real, you know, uh things that I've really devoted time to and and made sure that I wanted I I saw this amazing video um on YouTube and I'm forgetting the name of the creator right off the top of my head, but um it was this long YouTube video where he followed his son around Los Angeles, uh his like four-year-old son, and just let him wander, and he followed him to make sure obviously that he was safe and followed him closely. But the idea was like, we're gonna go on an adventure, and you get to choose where we go. And you know, they went down alleys and you know, all kinds of stuff, and I always thought, what a what a cool way to like give a kid autonomy um and be there with him on like an adventure. And so uh almost every day my son and I do that in our neighborhood where I let him determine where we go and the things that he looks at and wants to talk about. And now not only does he have the neighborhood like uh sort of mapped out on the back of his hand, you know, uh, or back of his mind or whatever, um you know, we have all these little stories of adventures that we go on together and little things that like he brings up, and um so that's really something special too.

SPEAKER_02 20:37

That's awesome. And you probably I I mean, I remember when my kids were little, and but even still they're not little, and I still think this applies. When you bother to listen to your kids' uh perceptions of their world, you see the world differently too, because they're not your perceptions. So you you have to get out of your own way, you know, you have to you have to change how you're thinking, you have to, I don't know, suspend your own uh lens and jump into theirs. And when you do that, uh bec uh with with anyone, but because we love our kids, we're more inclined to, with patience anyway. Um like we grow as as people because of just following the lead of our kids.

SPEAKER_00 21:23

Yeah, I mean, I think it's something that uh appealed to me about being like a high school teacher too, is like kind of getting myself back into not necessarily my own headspace when I was a teenager, but like I loved my high school years. They were years of like great discovery and um you know learning new things about myself and the world. And so kind of seeing the world, especially through art, through uh high schoolers' perspective, was always great fun for me. Um not you know, not to mention, you know, like uh how you observe the world when you're really little. And I had a very like vivid imagination as a kid and constructing. My own little worlds and still probably exist in that space more than I care to admit. But I wish I was back in that headspace more. And so helping him foster his imagination and you know, keeping him in that space for as long as possible and protected there is really important to me. Um, I definitely, you know, I'm on the autism spectrum, and um, you know, some of my behaviors as a kid definitely reflected that. But um I don't know, I felt a lot more present in the world than I do today as a kid. Um, I don't know if that's just because of devices or like kind of the cynical familiarity with which we approach the world as adults. Uh, you know, nothing is mysterious as anymore. Um and so going on these little adventures with him and seeing the sort of like mystery and discovery and even things like he believes fairies are real because he sees little fairy houses in the trees. And I have no desire to uh to break that spell because I want him to live in that, you know, excitement and mystery and fantasy as long as possible and enjoy it because you got the rest of your life to not have that.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

Um are there any other I'm not saying that letting him believe in fairies is a lie, because it's not. It's like indulging his right, it's indulging the age he's at, which is fanciful and he's uh he's into pretend play and right. Like I I love that about kids and I was sad when I was sad when my children outgrow it.

SPEAKER_00 23:32

I truly don't know if he believes that they're real or not, or if we're both kind of engaging in the same kind of kayfabe with each other, you know, but uh uh I'd like to believe that like it ev even if he knows I'm like pulling his leg, uh he's like willing to go along with it.

SPEAKER_02 23:46

Are there any other uh parent lies that you have perpetuated for the sake of making your household run smoothly? Or is that just meat? Is it only Oh yeah, no?

SPEAKER_00 23:55

I mean, that's pretty constant, you know, like uh the lie that like when he goes to sleep, we go to sleep is a is a constant one, you know. Um you know, there's the bigger, more like uh uh mythological things. Like he thinks Spider-Man is real and lives in New York. Um, and so when I went to New York, you know, on a business trip, he like asked me, Oh, did you, you know, did you see and talk to Spider-Man? And of course I did, because he's a friend of mine, you know.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

Uh so uh you have a 14-year running podcast about that, dude.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I'm on I'm on the Spidey uh Friends TV show, uh uh, which is a whole other story. But uh yeah, so uh it's it's been an interesting thing.

SPEAKER_02 24:35

Um just for our reader for our listeners, Dan's referring to the fact that he in the spider universe is is somewhat well known, is quite well known, and the Spidey TV show makers created an avatar of him and a character that looks like Dan Gabas. It's him. It's so him.

SPEAKER_00 24:53

Yeah, if if you watch the show with your toddlers or you're of any kind of vague interest, um Gwen Stacy's father, George Stacy, is a spitting image of me from my wedding, uh, which he's wearing the same clothes I was wearing on my wedding, um, which was my social media avatar for a long time. And so he's become this walking-talking avatar of me on that cartoon show. And it's very weird, and I still don't know what to make of it. Um, but it is nevertheless there uh and and hard to deny. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:26

That's kind of awesome that you're, you know, like and mind-blowing for a three-year-old that his dad is also in a cartoon. Like he's gonna be a very good thing.

SPEAKER_00 25:34

He does watch the show and go, There's you, dad. You know, um, so that's not only am I going on adventures with him in the back alleys of my our neighborhood, I'm going on adventures with the spider friends in another dimension. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:47

That's pretty freaking great. I mean, honestly, you like you've made it, you know? You've you've made it in dad world.

SPEAKER_00 25:53

Yeah, yeah. I mean, I would love to make it like get send me some royalty checks. I could use those too, but uh I'll take the dad world credentials uh any day, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 26:03

Okay. Uh Melissa, do you have a question for Dan? I was thinking I'd like to go into our like dad confession segment. We have a series of questions that Sam and I are gonna kind of rapid fire and kind of ask Dan off the cuff here for answers.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Do I get a pass? Uh what are what are the rules uh of rapid fire dad confession? Yeah. Is this like truth truth or dare kind of thing?

SPEAKER_02 26:32

No, they're they're pretty easy. I was thinking of I think I could have, I'm thinking back to when I had a was a parent of a three-year-old, I could have absolutely answered all of these rapids. All right, let's do it.

SPEAKER_03 26:41

All right. So name for us a parenting shortcut that you're ashamed of, but actually works.

SPEAKER_00 26:51

A parenting shortcut? Can you give me an example just so I'm like know that I'm on the other hand? Here's one.

SPEAKER_02 26:56

Here's one from my my growing up kids. Um when my children left toys out um if overnight, we told them that if they didn't put their stuff away, the cleanup fairy was gonna come and take away all their stuff. And um, so then they developed an irrational fear of the uh cleanup fairy. Cleanup fairy. So um that the cleanup fairy lived in infamy in the Straub household for as long as we could keep her alive.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

That's great. I wish I had something that interesting. Um, like honestly, I really my son is great about cleaning up and uh and things like that. He really like likes to help out. So um it's hard, it's hard to sustain a lie like that because he's he's a pretty easy kid. Uh and I'll just say that outright. Like, growing up as a kid of two pediatricians, like I was very fearful of becoming a dad, uh, because I've seen a lot of worst-case scenarios, especially as like a high school teacher where you're like, hey, I'm coming to this 14 years displaced from anything that could solve the problem I'm witnessing in my classroom before me, you know. Amen. You might push back on that a little bit given that your job is to help solve those problems in present time. Um, and so like there was a great pressure to be like uh kind of ready for that, you know. Um, my parents would always like push back on that and be like, you know, you're never prepared to be a dad. And I would always say, Yeah, but you're also never prepared to get hit by a bus. Like, you know, like that's not a great advertisement, you know, uh uh for it, you know. Uh but um having my son, obviously, like you, you love your own kid, but genuinely, my son is one of the easiest going kids, and kind of, you know, obviously he's three and a half and he likes to you know push buttons, and there's always the threats that are like outsized. You don't have any um real desire to like, you're not gonna get TV for a week. And it's like, I don't really mean to punish myself that much for denying you that. Uh so I guess that would be a lie, is the is the uh the outsized, the the the uh carrying a stick that is verbally bigger than you could actually ever uh you know uh truly wield. But uh yeah, I don't know if that's an answer to that question.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

All right, how about this one? A kid themed song you secretly know by heart.

SPEAKER_00 29:22

A kid themed song. Oh, I mean, there's so many. I mean, first of all, uh I don't think we're ever going to top the sort of like uh Disney Channel 90s theme songs, whether you know, whether it's Rescue Rangers or like um Gummy Bears, like those things were real bops. But nowadays they've got you know Fallout Boy and um uh Blink 182 doing stuff. So like Fallout Boy does the Spidey song, and it's legit great. Uh you know, um they've got a whole like series of them, and I started looking up like acoustic versions of them, and they're solid, you know. Um so I I will I will admit to that. The Iron Man one done by um Blink182 is just is not as good, uh I'll say. And the Bluey one is wonderful, it's a little lazy, like just kind of saying their names. Um and here's one. I love the music on um Puffin' Rock. Are you guys familiar with Puffin Rock? No, no, it's a Nickelodeon show that's wonderful and like very calm and uh like kind of slower paced, so it's great for like the morning when we're like making breakfast and he wants to watch something. Um and the adventures are very slight. Um but the theme song, as like catchy as the tune is, the lyrics are lazy. Like they say, like, you know, we'll be here, come rain or shine. And then I guess they couldn't figure out how to rhyme shine. So they literally repeat like having fun, rain or shine. And you're like, yeah. And and I think it's maybe like six lines long, but two of them are repeats, and you're like, okay, songwriters, this show is great, but like you could come up with an extra set of lyrics, you know. Um anyway.

SPEAKER_02 31:10

The lyrics are lazy. That's good.

SPEAKER_03 31:13

All right, a snack you hide from your toddler.

SPEAKER_00 31:19

Um, you know, probably some some something related to chips. Uh the reality is my toddler won't eat anything but pizza and chicken fingers. And you know, I said, like, you know, I think literally the night before my wife gave birth. You know, we went out to dinner, um, you know, to our like last single date, so so to speak, or like family-less date, which I said, oh, this could be our last date. And she said, No way. I we still got three and a half weeks. I was right. Um uh clearly I tapped into something more attuned than her own body. Uh, but um, we were talking about how much we love food and how much we hoped our son uh would love food too. And uh I said, the last thing I want in the world is a pizza and chicken fingers kid. And that's exactly what he is. So I I faded that one into existence. He will throw a fit for just something being on his plate that he doesn't want to try. Oh it is uh it's on a whole that's the one thing that he is very difficult about. So, in terms of hiding food, it's almost like you can wave it around. He's like the kid that, like, oh, I went trick-or-treating, and then he took all of his candy, took it out to the front, and started giving it away to the other kids because he he was like, Oh, they want more candy, and I don't like it. So, um, yeah. So we can kind of openly flaunt that. Um, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:46

Um, have you ever pretended not to hear your kid yelling, dad, so your wife would answer first?

SPEAKER_00 32:54

Oh, uh uh uh the today? Constantly. That's the name of the game. Don't you dare put that on the airwaves. You're giving away the whole the whole thing. We've all done it.

SPEAKER_02 33:07

We've all done it. You go into the bathroom and close the door, and you're like, I can't hear, I can't I've got airpods in, but I don't really.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Yeah, I'm really cramped in here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This minute, yeah, it's constant. Um and I'm also like, like, no shade to my wife. I'm the the the play parent. And so it's pretty constant. And uh, and also it might be just that like I'm like, hey, like you should go play with your mom because we need to establish that muscle. And she'll be the first to admit she's like, I just don't really know how to play with a a toddler. And I have so many younger siblings and and so many people in and out of my parents' house, uh you know, as pediatricians, I it's that comes very second nature to me. So yeah.

SPEAKER_03 33:51

Um Melissa, do you have any closing? I was just gonna say, Dan, since you're a young dad, um I feel old, but fair enough, I'll take it.

SPEAKER_00 34:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:03

We're older than you are. Um I guess what are you hoping that your son will kind of describe you as when it's his turn to describe you as a dad when he's older and he's a grown adult?

SPEAKER_00 34:22

It's tough because I like to talk a lot, as anybody who knows me uh uh will will say, but I hope it's as a listener. Um like someone who like let him be who he is, listened, respected that, and supported him through whatever his dreams, personality, interests, whatever are. Um I'm excited to find out who he is. Um it kills me that like as the Spider-Man guy, that my son is like wanted to be Spider-Man for Halloween, because the the immediate suspicion is, oh, like that's Dan's doing. Um, but really not, you know. Um actually he likes Iron Man better than Spider-Man, and I I would change that in a heartbeat if I did it. But um uh that's really important to me, is that um that he feels like we can talk and exchange ideas and not feel judged and uh be be listened to. Um and that like he also can be chill around me, you know. Like I I not that I want to break down the sort of like dad-son barrier, but um I like the idea that there's like a level of like comfort that's established to the point that like we like he feels completely comfortable around us um as time develops, um, if that makes any sense.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

It does, and it also brings us back to the opening um conversation we had or part of our conversation where you were describing the Mother's Day video you made. Because I think as a filmmaker, your job is in you may have a vision of how you want your film or your subject to unfold on the film. But but truly in order to in order to do that, there's an element of listening that's required there. You know, I think like professionally that's that's part and parcel of what you do. Even in order to make a great film, one has to listen to what the film is calling for. Absolutely. And right, and you were talking about following your son's lead around the neighborhood, but it feels like in that video that you made for your wife, you were following his lead and not I mean cutting out the you know the CPS part, but um but other than that, right? Like um like filming the the the kid you truly have, not the kid who was, you know, some some version of Instagram ready, right? Um and and so we're you know, we're I want to make space at the end here for you to talk about you know you've talked about your your your role as a dad and thank you for your honesty, your earnestness, your humor. I I I knew we'd run the gamut and else we have.

SPEAKER_00 37:08

Um I'm continuing for you to tell me like how difficult it is to have a kid that talks to you because I I I know that you probably deal with that's probably one of the biggest barriers that you deal with working with teens all the time, is that it comes to an age where teens just clam up, you know, and that there's a that's there's an art to it.

SPEAKER_02 37:26

You just you you you can't expect the talking to happen like it did when they were four. That it happens under different circumstances and it it looks different, it wears a different costume. Yeah, but but but if you know what to look for, you realize when it's happening and then you capitalize on it. Um it's it's possible to have a kid who talks to you. You just have to be receptive to the moments when they're they're making a bid. Um you have to notice those. And I think that you know, as a high school teacher, you might have a a leg up on on some others.

SPEAKER_00 37:57

Um I mean, I it's tough to get my college students to talk to me, you know. Uh I won't go on a rant about my fears about Gen Z. Um they are multifold. Um uh that might be for an another day. But um my son's Gen Alpha, so he's dodged the bullet. Everything's gonna be fine.

SPEAKER_02 38:16

Totally fine. There's gonna be there's gonna be nothing screwing up those kids, right?

SPEAKER_00 38:20

Yeah, yeah, yeah. These things come and go. Gen Z's. Hey, I'm an elder millennial too. So uh uh, you know, solidarity. We're gonna save the universe because we were so messed up. The other end. Okay, I interrupted Sam. You wanted to move on to another topic.

SPEAKER_02 38:42

So where I was going was actually, I was tying this back to your professional life because I because again, that's how you and I most recently crossed paths or re-crossed paths, is because you moved back and opened the Backlot Studio. And and while this isn't necessarily about dading, it is about uh listening. And that's where I was making that's the jump I was making. Can you talk a little bit about what you're doing now so that if someone listening is like, you know what, Dan Govazdin's a personality I want to work with, they know how to find you.

SPEAKER_00 39:12

After all this, if you enjoyed this, great. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:16

Um we hope you enjoyed this episode. Dan, thank you immensely for your candid responses and letting us put you on the spot. So, and for all of our listeners, thank you for raising next generation of world changers. We love you, we love your kids, and we look forward to seeing you on our next episode of Parenting Shrink Rept.

SPEAKER_00 39:43

Hey listeners of the Parenting Shrink Rept podcast. This is Dan Govosden. I know you just got finished listening to a whole Father's Day episode where I shared my deepest, darkest secrets about being a dad with the two hosts. But I'm thrilled to be back to tell you a little bit more about the business that I opened called the Backlot Film School and Studio. The Backlot is a business in Catonsville, Maryland that is aimed at giving teens and adults experiences in learning about how to make movies and other kinds of media in a professional production space that's fun, welcoming, and inclusive to all. Our specific goal is to showcase, strengthen, and mentor our students' unique voices, whether on the page, behind the camera, across the sound mix, or in each cut of the final edit. We provide unique, hands-on, personalized experiences for all of our students, no matter their background, interests, or the project that they're working on. So come check us out. TheBacklotmd.com is our website. We're doing summer camps for high schoolers all summer in filmmaking, a YouTube creation, whatever it is that your kid might be interested in pursuing in the digital arts, digital media, and specifically filmmaking. We would love to help out, and it's a lot of fun. So come check us out. Thebacklotmd.com.

SPEAKER_02 41:13

Thanks for joining us on this wild ride called Parenthood here at Parenting Shrinkwraft. We hope today's episode gave you some useful tools and maybe even a few laughs to help you navigate the twists and turns of raising teens and kids.

SPEAKER_03 41:28

Remember, parenting is a journey, not a destination. And no matter where you are on the road, we're to help you stay on course. Whether it's monumental meltdowns, teenage turmoil, or just the everyday chaos, you don't have to travel this path alone.

SPEAKER_02 41:45

So until next time, keep your seatbelt fastened, your sense of humor intact, and your eyes on the road. We'll be back soon with more compassionate conversations and practical strategies to support you and your family.

SPEAKER_03 41:57

Don't forget to subscribe to Parenting Shrink Raf wherever you get your podcast so you never miss an episode. And if you've enjoyed today's show, we'd love it if you'd leave us a review and share it with a friend.

SPEAKER_02 42:09

If you have suggestions for topics you'd like to see us cover in the future, feel free to send us an email at parentingshrincraft at gmail.com.

SPEAKER_03 42:19

Until we meet again, take care and enjoy the ride.