Body Wisdom Academy

Eclipses, Inner Healing, and Celibacy

• Alyssa Stefanson

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In this episode, we discuss eclipses, new beginnings, holistic approaches to healing, the importance of personal responsibility, somatic therapy, and spirituality. We cover topics like inner child work, reparenting yourself, and the need to keep up inner work even when things are going well. You’ll learn how to balance taking charge of your healing with being kind to yourself. We also explore the power of giving without expecting anything in return and the importance of spiritual surrender. This episode aims to provide you with tools for maintaining a healthy mindset and supporting others, making your healing journey both transformative and lasting.

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Speaker 1:

Welcome to the first episode of the Body Wisdom Academy podcast. This is super synchronistic. I find it to be super synchronistic because I really truly feel like I am entering into a whole new chapter of my life at the moment, and I actually just had a reading with my intuitive, monique Guignon. She's absolutely incredible. I actually just had a reading with my intuitive, money Gagnon. She's absolutely incredible. I actually did a reading with her this week and the card one of the cards that she pulled was new beginnings and that was what came up in our in our reading was that I'm entering into a whole new phase of, I feel, just every area of my life, personally and professionally.

Speaker 1:

And I don't know about you guys, but I was really impacted by the most recent eclipse on September 17th in Pisces, and I always kind of laugh because we see so much whenever there's an eclipse on social media, talking about it like very generically, as if everyone's going to be affected the same way. But we're not right. Some it depends what areas it's hitting in our chart, and sometimes we're not affected at all by these eclipses, or very mildly, and sometimes they really impact us and for me, my rising sign is Pisces. I have actually a lot just going on astrologically in my chart right now Just a lot of yeah, just transits, a lot of Saturn energy actually right now. So it's been pretty intense and I also my North Node is also in Aries and that's where the Eclipse was as well, and my South Node in Libra, so I was really impacted by it and I felt like I was going through a lot of clearing and a lot of purging and I actually feel a little bit lighter today, for sure. But yeah, it was pretty intense for me, so I don't know how you were all navigating that. But anyways, I am super excited about just this new chapter and this podcast and the differences. It's not like it's going to be a very drastically different podcast, but there's some really exciting things that I'm going to be adding in a lot on somatic healing in every single area of our life. We can look at so many different types of inner work through the lens of somatics. So that's what the main focus is actually really going to be on this podcast.

Speaker 1:

But I actually do have a whole team of healers that work with me in my Body Wisdom Academy. So, for those of you who don't know, I have an online membership community called the Body Wisdom Academy and we do six live calls every single month. I do four of those calls and then two of those calls my healers on my team actually lead. And so we have a human design expert named Hannah Absolutely love her. I actually just recorded a podcast episode with her that'll be released next. You guys are going to love that one. It was so good, so I have her. She's a human design expert, a cycle alignment coach and also a somatic breathwork practitioner. Then we have another somatic breathwork practitioner named lacy just super sweet, uh, just very soothing voice. She leads our somatic breathwork sessions. Then we have we have an astrologer named Jacqueline Joy. So she's actually going to be coming in and doing astrology forecasts every few months for us.

Speaker 1:

And then the intuitive medium that I was telling you guys about. That I've been seeing for six years. She's so incredible. I've had her on this podcast before. Her name is Monique. She's also part of our community. She's going to come in every three months and she's going to be doing card readings for the group.

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You guys can also book calls with all of these people in our community as well if you want one-on-one calls. And then we also have Sarah Irwin, who is a shamanic practitioner, and she is just this girl is just bursting with light. Her energy is just contagious and I'm so blessed and so fortunate and so grateful to be having them join this community. They just it's so nice to bring in different energies. You know so you're not always working with me, because even I can get sick of hearing myself speak sometimes. So it's nice to bring in the different energies because we need, we need.

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The thing is we're going to relate to different styles of coaching, different teachers, different healers, and they might say something that's going to really land with you differently than how I would word it, and it's just really powerful and really helpful to have these different energies in that group and that way too. Sometimes we can actually get kind of you know, I don't want to say sick of working with you know just one coach for a period of time, but sometimes we we desire and we desire to have different energies right to working with us. It's like sometimes I'm really into doing spiritual work and then other times I'm really into doing more of like the personal development and personal responsibility work, and sometimes I'm really into doing the trauma healing. So it is really nice to have those different energies and we all really look through all of our healing and all of our approaches and all of our gifts through a very body-centered approach, which is really beautiful, a very feminine approach as well, right? So, yeah, I'm very, very excited to start that series.

Speaker 1:

So it's going to be called the Healer Circle Series, and some of the episodes that we're going to be doing on the podcast is either going to be me and just one of the healers or me and a group of them, and I think the conversations are going to be really great. I absolutely love having guests on, but there's something really powerful about when you have a close relationship with someone already and the conversation just flows, and I have a really beautiful dynamic with a lot of these ladies. So, yeah, I think you're all going to really enjoy that. So that's what you can expect going forward. I'm also going to be doing a lot more solo sewed episodes and I am actually going to be hosting. I actually just hosted a free masterclass this past Sunday and I had some technical difficulties at the very beginning, so some of you who registered who could not get in, and I am so sorry for that. So I am going to be hosting another free masterclass October 6th Sunday at 4 pm PST. I'm actually going to share the registration link in the show notes. So if you're not registered and you want to join that live, please register, even if you can't make the live. If you register you'll actually get the recording, so super excited about that, and yeah. So what I want to dive into in today's episode because it is the first one, what I would like to just share is a little bit about my healing journey and about my story for those of you who have not heard it, and then you'll get a little bit better idea of the work that I've done the work that I do share with the world now and a little bit more about our community and our academy.

Speaker 1:

So, for those of you who don't know, I struggled from the age of 16 till 31 with substance addiction, I would say like on and off. So, from a teenager, I was hooked on very hard drugs at a pretty young age and I was hanging out with a bad crowd I was also dating with. Just really I was in really toxic relationships at that time as well. And when I was actually 20 years old, my best friend died in a car accident and that really hit me and I think that was like the first, that was the first thing I would say that happened in my life. That really started to make me take a good look at my life and where I was heading. And she was just the most beautiful, light, beautiful human. And she ended up dying in a car accident and that hit me hard because my addiction had spiraled so out of control in the recent months and we hadn't seen each other that recently because my addiction had just taken such strong control of my life. So that happened and actually a few weeks after she passed away, I ended up synchronistically getting pregnant with my daughter. My daughter's middle name is actually my best friend's name and so I had my daughter at 21 years old.

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I was a single mother at 21 years old. I had her on my own, was very fortunate to have such an incredible family. My parents and all my siblings have just been very involved in her life, so she's had a really great upbringing with all of them. They've just been very involved and my daughter is now 16 years old. She's just an absolute light and I learned so much from her and she's just been the greatest joy and greatest blessing of my entire life.

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And after I had her I got onto a better path and I was really into personal development in my early 20s and spiritual development. And after I had her, I got onto a better path and I was really into personal development in my early 20s and spiritual development and I started reading a lot of books. Right, so I was reading a lot of books and I was listening to a lot of really great like mentors and people in the personal development space. But old patterns die hard and old cycles started up again and I didn't actually do any of the deeper inner work, the deep trauma healing work, and I was wired for chaos. So I ended up getting back into really toxic relationship patterns, forming really unhealthy trauma bond, narcissistic type of relationships.

Speaker 1:

It was pretty chaotic and my alcohol addiction actually ended up spiraling out of control in my mid to late twenties and I never thought my like. I always thought that my struggle was drugs. But I have learned in recovery that the struggle is never or the problem is never the substance. It's an obsession, so it's a self-obsession and you can actually be a dry drunk and never touched alcohol or drugs in your life. So what I've learned is that alcoholism actually has nothing to do with alcohol. It's an obsession, it's a disconnection from self and a disconnection from others. That was formed very young and I can really resonate and relate to that that.

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I had severe social anxiety growing up. I never felt like I fit in anywhere. I was always in my head I experience extreme paranoia, always thinking that people were like judging me, didn't like me. I really kept to myself. I isolated a lot. I really struggled in friendships to make friends. I was very, very shy and I experienced a lot of shame and a lot of guilt and that was a self-obsession.

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And often we think of like narcissism and when I talk about narcissism I'm not talking about narcissistic personality disorder like extremely abusive, toxic. You know horrible relationship patterns where they can actually be very, very abusive. But every single one of us has narcissistic traits, every single one of us, and so how that shows up in I don't even want to call it addiction. It's a possession right, it's an obsessed ego, and how that showed up for me was a very deflated ego. So the ego goes both ways. So most people think of narcissism as being like very, um, grandiose, like thinking that you're better than, but the ego. There's also a very covert form of narcissism that thinks that it's less than, but it's still an obsession with self. We still always think that people are talking about us, people are judging us. The focus is on self, and that was really eye-opening for me when I actually started to learn that in recovery.

Speaker 1:

So what happened is I ended up hitting rock bottom. When I was 30 years old, I finally left the relationship I was in. So I was in a very abusive and violent relationship and he also struggled with addiction and I won't get into the full details of that, but it was absolutely horrible and I ended up leaving that relationship with nothing. So I moved into an empty apartment with no belongings. I hit rock bottom in my addiction because my alcohol addiction had spiraled out of control, and so I moved into this apartment with no belongings and then I ended up losing my job and it was such a rock bottom, but it also was a moment of complete surrender, like I give up, I can't do this anymore. And here I was thinking that I was fooling everybody and myself that I didn't have a problem and that I could get this under control. But I couldn't. I could not get these relationship patterns under control. I could not get my addiction and my obsession under control, so I ended up getting entering into recovery.

Speaker 1:

I went through a 12-step program which truly transformed my life. I've learned so much through that program and that has truly been the foundation for my healing and through that I could actually start to see that my obsession showed up in so many different areas of my life. So, whether it was substances, whether it was relationships, whether it was obsessed with working out with my body image, with being obsessed with work, with career, it showed up in so many different areas and the ego is so sneaky in that way that so when I had entered into recovery, I was so I just completely surrendered and deflated and I was ready to do the work and I was really ready to look at myself. And the ego is sneaky because it will come back in subtle ways. So I devoted myself to that program. I went through the 12 steps. It actually introduced me to Carl Jung's work as well. So I dove deep into shadow work and I was devoted to the path of healing, like devoted day and night to this work.

Speaker 1:

I Ended up cutting off contact with all my other friends that I used to drink and use with. So I didn't have any friends at that time. I really just focused on, you know, going to meetings, doing the like, reading all these different books, listening to podcasts, doing the inner work, and I did a lot of stuff on my own. And we don't really truly start to heal when, until we actually enter into relationships and actually see that reflected back to us in relationships. So, for an example, I did a lot of stuff on my own which was really powerful because I was able to really get to know myself again, without drugs, without alcohol, without relationship, because I also took a long break from dating. I actually didn't even date for six years. I was celibate for five years and um, um. So I really took that opportunity to get to know myself again and that was really powerful and I got to know my patterns and I able I was able to rebuild that relationship with self.

Speaker 1:

But as we start to enter into relationships, I would still go back into those patterns of feeling, maybe social anxiety or feeling like I just couldn't connect to others. So that was a huge sign that I still had a lot of work left to do, right, because the proof of our healing is how do our relationship patterns change, like, how do we actually change when we show up in the world, right, how we relate to others, because trauma happens in relationships. So the 12 steps was such a powerful foundation. Shadow work was such a powerful foundation, but work was such a powerful foundation. But then I started to get deep into somatic healing because I started to realize that these were nervous system patterns. So I had avoidant tendencies, I had a tendency to withdraw, to isolate, even when I was in crowds and when I would attempt to socialize, my social capacity was very limited or I would get paranoid, right that people were thinking about me, talking about me, judging me. It's that obsessed ego, it's that narcissism and that was a disconnection from, and I healed so much of that disconnection for myself, but that disconnection from others I still needed to heal, and so I started to actually heal that in relationship.

Speaker 1:

So, which I did in different communities, whether it was 12 step meetings, and for me it was actually starting to go to breathwork ceremonies. So that was really huge for me, because being able to put yourself into environments, safe containers, where other people are devoted to doing the work, where you don't feel like you're going to be judged and I mean we can't help what other people think anyways, but just putting yourself in a container where you know that other people are there for the same reason that you are right. And so I started attending breathwork ceremonies, I started to do more retreats and more in-person stuff and that was really, really powerful. Group healing is super, super powerful. I also joined many online communities over the past seven years as well and that has been really powerful because we see ourselves in others and the healing community others and heal in community. So that has been a huge part of my healing and diving deep into inner child work and parts work and again, healing my attachment wounds.

Speaker 1:

And so many people are they're a little bit concerned about getting into this work if they have a close relationship with their parents because they don't want to start looking at their childhood as if they're to start looking at their childhood as if they're blaming their parents whatsoever, and it's not Like all it is is taking a look that not a single one of us went through a childhood untraumatized and even if our parents were incredible people and did the best that they could, they could have been going through their own stuff, their own struggles. They may have not been able to be fully emotionally present. They may have had multiple children. They could have been going through their own stuff, their own struggles. They may have not been able to be fully emotionally present. They may have had multiple children. They may have had multiple jobs. They may have been going through their own traumas, their own grief process. And trauma is how we perceive it. So we may have perceived that a disconnection between ourselves and one of our primary caregivers. Right, and that's perceived inside of us, not necessarily consciously. A lot of times we don't consciously realize it, but it's a disconnection from ourselves, others and the environment is what trauma is.

Speaker 1:

And so starting to get into inner child work was actually a huge personal responsibility piece, because it was realizing that I now have the responsibility to reparent myself. So the purpose of this work is not to put blame on your parents. It's to become aware that maybe we didn't have a perfect childhood I don't think any single person has but the power is in our hands to reparent ourselves. And maybe you did have a really horrible, horrific childhood. Maybe your parents did some really horrible things to you. It is still your responsibility to heal it, and that is such a powerful place to be in because you can actually reparent yourself. You can reparent yourself and you can reparent yourself in other relationships as well. It doesn't have to be your parents. So I got really deep into a lot of reparenting work and inner child work as well. It doesn't have to be your parents. So I got really deep into a lot of reparenting work and inner child work as well.

Speaker 1:

And so I like to say that my approach to healing has been very holistic, because we do need the personal responsibility piece, so taking personal responsibility for our lives or our healing, or our choices going forward, or our patterns, our behaviors, and we also do need to do the deep trauma healing work. So having compassion for ourselves and also the spiritual component to it as well, right, like having a connection to a higher power, has been everything for me, and so for me it happened in the order of taking personal responsibility first, because that really truly is the foundation, and especially if we have what I call the obsessed ego, which many people, even if they haven't struggled with alcohol or drug addiction, they can relate to the obsessed ego. So always feeling, you know, fear, anger, panic, anxiety, a disconnection from ourselves, others, the environment. Jealousy, bitterness, resentment, right. That's when we're in our obsessed ego. And to be really in that healthy ego is that feeling of connection to God, of having faith, of being able to focus on others, not with expectation and with condition. And so that's where a lot of people get thrown off, because a lot of people think, well, I'm not obsessed with myself Like I do so much for other people. I'm so giving, I'm so empathic. That is the obsessed ego, because often we're doing that, expecting to receive. We want people to like us, we want people to think that we're such a great person, that we are so nice.

Speaker 1:

But really, truly to be of service is without any condition, and that's why service work is so important, without needing the whole world to know that you do service work. Because we see on social media all the time people sharing about what a humanitarian they are and all this work that they do for other people and how giving they are and how selfless they are. There's no anonymity to that right. So it's like why are you doing this on social media for everyone to see? It's not often coming from the right place, and I won't speak for other people, but often it's just not coming from the right place, right. It's coming from an expectation of wanting people to think that we are so great, so giving, so selfless.

Speaker 1:

But there's power to doing service work without anyone knowing that you're doing service work right. So I know that might sound crazy to some people, like how can I do service work without other people acknowledging and knowing that I do it? We'll try it. I really invite you to try that and see how the difference, that it's very humbling because you're not going to get this admiration or this acknowledgement for it, but it's actually giving without expectation and without conditions attached and it's really powerful and it really leads to a really deep spiritual experience and a surrender and a connection to god and and yeah, and then there is so like the personal responsibility piece.

Speaker 1:

Of course is the foundation, because we do need to take personal responsibility for healing, because it does require action. We do need to take action to heal. We do need to take personal responsibility and take an honest inventory of ourselves and our shortcomings and you know that, the areas in our life where we need to grow. So that really truly is the first step. But we can also go down the path of being so rigid and obsessed as well with personal responsibility, and then we start to become a little bit harsh and our heart can get a little bit closed off from other people. So it's super important to also dive into the trauma healing work, right, the somatic healing, which is a lot more compassionate. It is going into and invalidating our emotional experiences and, um, that in itself as well. You, that can be a slippery slope because we can, we can go really deep into that and have a hard time pulling ourselves out and start going into self-pity or a blame. So it's really important to have the personal responsibility piece balanced with the compassion and focusing on inner child work and trauma healing and healing our attachment wounds.

Speaker 1:

And then there's the spiritual piece of surrender and a connection to a power greater than us and, um, knowing that sometimes we don't have it all figured out and that and it's and it's also being careful not to spiritual bypass but like surrendering is surrendering to God. That doing what we can control and then surrendering the rest is how I like to explain it. So we need prayer and action. So we need prayer and action. So we need prayer and then we also need to take aligned action, but also surrendering what we can't control and we don't know how things are often going to turn out. All we can do is do the parts that we are able to actually control and contribute to, and the rest surrender to whoever your higher power is god, spirit, source creator, whatever you want to call it. And, um, yeah, when you integrate those three together, that is really when your life begins to change dramatically in so many ways.

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And it's a practice right, it's a discipline and a practice.

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And so often we'll do the deep inner work for a while and then we stop when life gets good.

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But that is such a slippery slope, because that is when the ego starts to actually creep in even more in really subtle ways and then all of a sudden, we feel disconnected again and we're like what happened.

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So it really is important to make this a discipline, make this a practice and not something that we just do in life is is rough and we want to feel better, but really diving deep into the work and starting to actually serve and help others when life is actually going good, and that's how we maintain that state, not to say that we don't. We won't still go into the unhealthy ego, but we'll be able to be in that healthy ego a lot more often. So that's it for today, guys. So I just wanted to give you an update on what you can expect going forward on this podcast. So, if you are in your healing era, or if you are like me and just super devoted to this healing path and this path of service, you are going to really enjoy these episodes going forward. So thank you so much for tuning in and we'll see you next time.