First-time homebuying in today’s market: Emily’s story (and lessons so far) / 77

There’s a specific kind of emotional whiplash that comes with house hunting — one day you’re resigned to another six months of renting, and the next you’re mentally arranging furniture in a house you toured three hours ago. Emily and her husband are deep in that phase at the moment, and in this episode, we’re talking through all of it in real time.

If you’ve ever found yourself playing with mortgage calculators, wondering whether buying a house is even realistic anymore, or trying to figure out how people make peace with spending this much money on a home, this episode is for you. We wanted this conversation to feel less like a polished success story and more like an honest snapshot of what the process actually looks like while you’re still in it.

Emily shares what finally shifted after years of assuming they’d keep renting, how she and her husband approached budgeting for a home without sacrificing every other financial goal, and what it’s been like navigating low inventory, competitive offers, private mortgage insurance, lease timing, and the emotional highs and lows of getting attached to houses that ultimately weren’t theirs.

We also talk about the parts of home buying that are harder to quantify — wanting more stability, craving a space that feels fully your own, and learning that sometimes emotional readiness matters just as much as financial readiness.

✨ Episode Highlights ✨

• [00:00] Why Emily and her husband shifted from planning to rent long-term to seriously considering buying a home
• [03:00] The emotional reasons behind wanting a home — from gardening to woodworking to simply feeling more settled
• [04:00] How Emily thought through paying more for a mortgage than rent, even when renting technically costs less
• [05:00] The mindset shift that helped her and her husband feel emotionally ready to buy
• [07:00] Why housing stability and having control over your space started to matter more than optimizing every dollar
• [09:30] The first real steps of the process — talking to lenders, finding a realtor, and getting pre-qualified
• [13:00] How they landed on a home-buying budget and why the monthly payment mattered more than the sticker price
• [16:00] Their approach to down payments, PMI, and balancing investing with saving for a house
• [18:00] What it felt like to put in a first offer on a house that checked every box
• [21:30] The second offer, losing out again, and the emotional rollercoaster of imagining themselves in a home
• [23:30] Zillow routines, low inventory, and trying not to let house hunting take over daily life
• [27:00] How Emily and her husband are thinking through lease timing, moving logistics, and what happens if they find “the one”
• [29:30] The resources and conversations that have helped make the process feel less intimidating

✨ Resources ✨

• You’re Buying a Home with Silas Lindenstein
• Our previous home-buying listener episodes:
  • Behind the scenes of Millennial home buying with Hillary Gale / 29
  • How Sam bought her first home (listener story) / 60

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Transcript

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Getting into the housing market in today's economy is no joke. And we have done two previous episodes where we have chatted with listeners about their home buying experiences. But today's conversation is a little different because the finance girly's very own Emily Batdorf is in the midst of looking for her very first house. Woohoo! So this conversation is not a nice buttoned up, we did it. She has bought a house, and here is her process. She is currently in the messy middle and her home buying journey is unfolding. You will learn that she has already put in a few offers, but nothing has really panned out. So we are going to chat with her about her decision to finally decide to buy a house versus continuing to rent and really get into her process. And as someone who has not started the home buying journey in any type of way, I have lots of questions and I'm very intrigued. And we are going to dig into all of that today. So I'm quite excited.

SPEAKER_02 1:02

Welcome to the Finance Girlies, a podcast for millennial and Gen Z women who are curious about money but have never quite felt at home in traditional finance spaces.

SPEAKER_01 1:11

We are Emily Backdorf and Cassidy Horton, podcast hosts, longtime friends, and finance writers for brands like AOL and Yahoo Finance.

SPEAKER_02 1:19

Rather than giving you prescriptive advice, we talk about money the way friends actually do. With stories, questions, and a lot of figuring it out in real time.

SPEAKER_01 1:27

Alright, Emily, you have talked openly before about going back and forth big time on whether or not you should buy a house. And so I want to know what made you and your husband decide that it was finally time to seriously look into buying a house versus continuing to rent.

SPEAKER_02 1:50

Yeah. Good question. Because I feel like even a year ago, a couple years ago, we were like, we're gonna rent for 10 more years. And like that's I don't know. That's just like buying a house to not feel like something in our near future. But I guess what's changed is we moved in the winter and we finally live somewhere where we can see ourselves wanting to stay for a long time. We love the community here and want to invest in it even more. And I think we've also just experienced kind of like an emotional shift to where we just feel ready to own a home. I don't know. My husband loves to do home projects. He's like fixed up some things in our rental, and I think I've seen how much joy that brings him, like being able to do those types of projects. And yeah, just like moving into a standalone house as opposed to an apartment where we were before. There are so many things about being in a house that we love, like having the freedom to start a garden and like have all of this outdoor space, and my husband can do woodworking and things like that. And there's a lot that we would love to do to this rental house, but because it's a rental, we don't want to put the time and money and energy into fixing it up. And then finally, from a financial standpoint, um, when we moved out of the city, we took on a bigger rent payment. I think part of that is because we have a lot more space. But houses out here are also much more affordable than where we were living before. So it kind of just feels like the scales have tipped a little bit in favor of buying.

SPEAKER_01 3:52

As you've done the math on how much uh potential like monthly mortgage payment would be compared to your rent now, are you anticipating paying more than you do now if you buy a home or less?

SPEAKER_02 4:04

Yeah, a little bit more still, and that's including, you know, taxes and insurance. Like if you go on Zillow and like look at, you know, homes we've been interested in, the mortgage payment looks so low. But when you add taxes and insurance, I'm sure we will be paying a little bit more still.

SPEAKER_01 4:25

I remember when you and I went to FinCon in September of last year, you kind of broke the news to me. You were like, okay, we are seriously considering like potentially more and more, like this idea of buying a house versus, and I think you were still kind of toying with do we give ourselves permission to actually do this thing when it doesn't make the most quote unquote financial sense because it technically is cheaper to continue renting? And so you have since worked through that enough because you have started this home buying process. And so can you speak to a little bit how you worked through giving yourself permission to buy a house, even if on paper renting continues to be like the most cost-effective option?

SPEAKER_02 5:11

Yeah, I think like all of the reasons I just gave have been have felt like more and more important recently. Yeah, I wouldn't say much about like our financial situation has changed. It's more like our emotional readiness has changed. I think we just like have the confidence that we can figure it out is part of it. And then also I do feel like we have a lot of layers of like safety nets that definitely add layers of comfort. And then another part of it, and I don't want to like fall into this trap because I know you can't predict the future, but where we live is getting more and more popular. And I wanna say our county was like maybe the only county that experienced growth the last year. I don't know, in in the state of Michigan. I could be wrong, I don't quote me on that. Something along those lines. Anyway, and part of it feels like I know buying a house is not a guaranteed investment, but I think I like our odds that any house we buy in this area will continue to appreciate. So that's another that's like a side reason, I think.

SPEAKER_01 6:39

I do think too, but if you've never owned a home before, if you are younger, like I'm thinking of myself in this situation, you can start. It's very easy to fall into the mindset of being like, I will consider buying a house when buying a house is like the cheaper option. You know, it's like I want to increase my cost of I wanna I wanna change up the space that I live in so much. Like I want to move from an apartment to a house, or like I want a newer house versus the house that I live in now. And whenever it makes sense financially that like buying something like that is cheaper than renting, then I will know that I'm ready to buy. That's kind of the logical map that my brain follows. But I think in reality, like even for the people that we've talked to, I think you kind of reach a point where you have such a craving just to have full permission to make a space completely your own and to know that your rent's not gonna increase, or I don't know, you're not gonna have to worry about like maybe not even getting a lease renewal, or if you have a landlord, like them selling the property and you needing to move out, like some external circumstance, you're like, this place is mine, I get to live here, I can do whatever I want. And what we have found through talking to you and then also our our other listeners is just that like a lot of times that is the thing that makes you more ready to buy than like it being the cheaper option versus renting.

SPEAKER_02 8:11

Mm-hmm. Yeah, when we interviewed our friend Hillary about buying her first home, that was a big a big reason that they bought. And I feel like that just really resonated with me because she mentioned like her I think like didn't her landlord say I'm selling the place, also somebody's coming by to like take a look at the place you need to like get out. Yeah. That is like my worst nightmare, which is really unstable housing situations make me feel so anxious. And we've had a great experience here, but I do know like our landlord wants to make improvements to the house and they're big enough projects to where I don't think we could live here during them, so I don't know what his timeline is, and even if we did live here, I'm sure rent would go up quite a bit because it would involve adding a bathroom. He has big plans, so like all of that stuff just it makes you uneasy.

SPEAKER_01 9:11

Okay, so once you decided we're doing this, we're gonna move out of the hypothetical stage into the like this is really happening stage. What were your first steps? Like, walk us through what you did.

SPEAKER_02 9:24

So aside from all of like the research and learning and listening to podcasts and reading books and stuff, the first like tangible actions we took were we reached out to three lenders. We started with somewhere where we already bank um and didn't have a great we signed up for like a uh what do you call it? Like just kind of informational call, I guess, with a mortgage officer. And it was not very informational. So we were like, okay, let's keep looking. Then we got a referral from someone my husband works with, and we had a much better call with this lender. But then we got so moving on to I guess the next thing, once we started talking to a real estate agent, we also got a recommendation for from her for um another lender. So we reached out to these three lenders. We ended up getting pre-qualified with two of them. And really, like we just started by asking them a bunch of questions, like what types of loans might we want to consider and be eligible for. Um, like if we want roughly this big of a monthly payment, like what could we afford? You know, questions like that. And yeah, we got the realtor, as I mentioned. And when we first talked to her, we said, we're probably not looking to buy a house for the next like three to six months. We just like want to talk to you, and we have some questions and we want to be ready um if something does pop up. And then like the next week we called her and we're like, we want to see this house. So I was glad we already, you know, had her had her name. And yeah, and and then we just like there was a house we were curious about. It was in our ideal location, so we went and saw that and it didn't end up liking it. So we were like, okay, like, you know, maybe we'll see some more houses within the next couple of months, and then like a couple of days later, it might have even been the next day we saw another house. So we just started seeing houses.

SPEAKER_01 11:43

So do you right now only reach out to your realtor when you find a house that you want to tour and then she sets up the tour, or how are you keeping in contact with her beyond that?

SPEAKER_02 11:56

Uh because we have such a flexible timeline, we're really only reaching out when we want to see a house. Or like if there's an important update. So, like, there was a house we looked at a few weeks ago and it needed a lot of work and was out of our price range, like as listed. But then the price dropped, so she like reached out and was like, hey, this price drop, does that change, you know, do you want to make an offer? Things like that.

SPEAKER_01 12:23

So And how did you find your realtor?

SPEAKER_02 12:27

So when we did our last episode about home buying, our last listener episode, we learned about a podcast called You're Buying a Home with Silas Lindenstein. And this is a podcast that I have kind of been binging ever since getting interested in buying a house. And in a few of the episodes, he says, and he for the record, he's based in the Seattle area, but he says, if you're looking for a realtor, and he is a realtor, by the way, if you're looking for a realtor, I know people all over the country, just send me an email and I will make a connection for you. And so I just did that. And he got back to me so fast and introduced me to an agent here, and we set up a call with her, and we just really liked her from the get-go and did so. We had like our first showing with her kind of just as like a little test, you know, see if you like working together kind of thing. And it went well, so we decided to keep working with her.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

So I love that you found your realtor through a podcast connection. That's I know so cute. Yeah. Okay. How did you decide on a budget of what you can afford?

SPEAKER_02 13:43

Yeah, this was really hard for me. And as I mentioned earlier, like you go on Zillow and you look at all these houses and they have estimated mortgage payments and they seem so low. So you're like, I can afford this price of house. But once you start talking to lenders, that number, at least in our experience, like shrunk a little bit. So I don't know if this is the right way to go about it, but for us, we started with like what we wanted our monthly cost to be, including principal, interest, taxes, and insurance. And we started with what we're paying in rent because we know we're comfortable with that amount of money. That felt like a good place to start. And then once we kind of were looking in that range, figuring in insurance and taxes, we were like, okay, that probably isn't gonna be enough. We're probably not gonna be able to keep everything under that number, under that monthly like rent payment to get what we want. So how we kind of um tested the waters in terms of what we'd be comfortable with, we we've been saving for a house every month, and so we kind of like tacked on a portion of that savings and like earmarked it toward a future house payment. And we just kind of like ran the numbers with those different increments to kind of settle on a place we were comfortable with. So another thing that went into like all of the math was we ran some like retirement projections with like what we have invested because I will say a little bit of like backing up a little, we started saving for a house, like theoretically, I guess, when we got married five years ago. And then pretty quickly we're like, we're not gonna buy a house anytime soon. Like, we have other things to save for let's use this money for other things. And so we've really been prioritizing like investing over saving for a house. So anyway, we ran the numbers based on what we've invested, and that made us feel comfortable like pulling back on investment contributions for a little bit, um, and made us feel like it was no big deal to put a little bit more money toward housing.

SPEAKER_01 16:06

Do you know about like what percentage of a down payment you'll put down whenever you do that?

SPEAKER_02 16:13

That's a good question. I think we're going to do a pretty low down payment. And it will depend on honestly, like just the timing of when we buy a house. So for some context, where we live, the inventory is very, very low. And like for instance, I know there's some advice to like only see five homes in a day when you're out like house hunting. Well, for us, we couldn't even see five homes in a week if we wanted to. Like they're just you know, we haven't even seen five homes total yet. So we want to be just ready to jump when the right house comes up. So and I have people might I don't know, not agree with this, but we're less focused on how much of a down payment we have and more focused on just finding the right house at the right price point. Ideally we'd like to put more down, but we've kind of accepted the reality of paying for private mortgage insurance and which is what you have to pay if you put less than 20% down until you hit that benchmark. And the other thing, we we just really want to make sure we have plenty of savings for things that come up. So yeah, personally I'm comfortable putting less down. I know that'll mean a bigger monthly payment, but that's just kind of where we've landed.

SPEAKER_00 17:50

But yeah. Yeah, that feels good. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

Do you feel like you already answered the did the budget factor and things like home insurance and routine maintenance? I feel like it I feel like you did.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 18:04

Alright, so I know that you have put in two offers so far since you have started this process. Can you walk us through what that felt like, what it looked like, the whole shebang?

SPEAKER_02 18:19

Yeah, so the first one was like a whirlwind. We this was, I think I mentioned earlier, like we saw this first house, we were like, nope, this isn't for us. Maybe, you know, this is not the time. And then the next day, this amazing house came on the market. It literally checked all the boxes. It was like so perfect. And so we texted our realtor and we were like, just kidding, we want to see this house as soon as possible. And you know how sometimes, well, I guess if you're not house hunting, maybe you don't know this, but sometimes the pictures like make a house. I guess this is the case for Airbnbs too. The pictures make it look one way and then you get there, and sometimes you're like so disappointed.

SPEAKER_01 19:01

I know. It's like it's something to do with the lighting. I think everything is like just overexposed enough to where like you don't see any of the flaws, like all the flaws are kind of washed out.

unknown 19:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:12

And like the right picture can make a space look bigger, you know? Mm-hmm. That was not the case with this house. We got there and it was like, it's even better than the pictures. And from the start, our agent was like, this is gonna be very competitive. This is like such a great house, such a great price. It will get a lot of attention. And we were like, well, whatever, we're let's just put in an offer and like might as well. And she encouraged us to do that. And so we went through that process. It was crazy because we were like, we literally just like decided we were doing this and we're putting in an offer. But she walked us through everything. I do feel like we had a good idea of what was coming just because of all the research we had done. And we even before we left the house at the showing, we kind of talked through all the hypotheticals with our agent, and she walked us through the process. And then on the way home from seeing the house, she called us and was like, I just spoke with the listing agent. There's already, I think at that time there were like three offers on the house, and there have been 12 showings scheduled. This is gonna be really competitive. And so I think at that point we were like, okay, this probably isn't gonna happen, but like, let's just do it anyway. So we put in an offer with help of our agent in terms of like, you know, how much we were comfortable with. We decided that, but she walked us through things like escalation clauses and appraisal gaps, um, submitted the offer. I think the next morning, and I don't know if this is common, but we our lender like called the agent and like put in a good word, like almost as like an extra stamp of approval on a pre-approval. And then we heard pretty quickly that they had received 11 offers and just went for the highest one. So we did not get the house. We were also not that disappointed because we really didn't expect to get it, but it was a really good just like practice run. And then we felt like, oh, this is not this is a big deal, but also it's like you know, we can do it. So yeah, that was the first one, and then the second one was probably three weeks later. Um we saw this house. It was kind of like a bit of a nightmare in terms of the condition it was in. Like And I don't wanna be judgmental, but the people who lived there had a lot of animals, and you could tell like they had taken a toll on the house. So that was hard to get past, I'm not gonna lie. But underneath that, we were like, new carpet, new paint. This house could be amazing. And maybe the like initial like could work in our favor. So we decided to put an offer on the house, and we got really excited about it and thought we were gonna get it, and then they ended up going with we were one of two offers, and they went with the first offer. And yeah, that one was more disappointing, but also I don't think we would have done anything differently. We did ask for a credit because the the house was in such rough shape um to replace the flooring. And I think that was fair. Maybe that's what maybe that's why they chose the other offer, but but like I don't feel bad about doing that. You know, so it was disappointing, but we're still looking.

SPEAKER_01 23:18

Have you let's see, what is your process like for keeping tabs on what houses are coming on the market in your area? Like have you set up alerts of any kind, or do you find yourself first thing in the morning, checking Zillow? Like what how much of your brain space is this home buying process consuming? It's my personality.

SPEAKER_02 23:41

Um, I don't like to admit it, but yeah, it is like the first thing. I that's the very first thing, but it's one of the first things I do in the morning. The thing is, again, there's not much here. Like in the area we're looking in our even out of our price range, another hundred thousand dollars, there's like four things on the market right now. Yeah. So it's a really quick, it's not like I'm browsing a bunch of houses every morning. It's like, anything new? Nope. Okay. That's kind of how it goes. And if there is something new, then it's very exciting.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Mm-hmm. But yeah, I'm trying to not let it take over.

SPEAKER_01 24:33

Ugh, but it seems impossible to not let it take over.

unknown 24:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:38

And like I go ahead. We love where we live. Like our rental location is amazing. But ever since we started looking for a house, now the things about this house that I don't like are so much more annoying. Like, I can't wait until we can do this to our house or change the like. So I feel like that's just part of it.

SPEAKER_01 25:02

I was gonna say, someone who has been on the sidelines watching you go through this process, it has felt like such a roller coaster of like, there's nothing, there's nothing, oh, there's something I'm interested in. Oh, we're seeing it, oh, we're putting in an offer. Oh, my real attorney needs all this stuff. And then you find out in your situation so far of like, oh, it hasn't worked out, and then you just like plumb it back down. And you I would imagine too, like once you place an offer, even though you're level-headed, you're like already envisioning, like, okay, the if I moved in, like this is what I would do, and this would be the timeline. And then you like crash back down to the bottom, and then you just start that process all over again. And yeah, I think that you you and David both are so level-headed, and also I feel like the experience in and of itself can't not be a roller coaster to an extent.

SPEAKER_02 25:49

It's true. And one thing, like, I kid you not, after we put an offer on the second house and we're like felt like, oh, we're gonna get this house. Anytime my phone buzzed, like during the period where we put the offer in and we were waiting to hear back, anytime my phone, I got a text or a call, it was like a full body like, just like, oh my gosh, this has to be the real time. And then, you know, half the time it wouldn't be. But it was just like a full body like spasm.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Yeah. Like that's how I don't know, how high strung I was, I guess.

SPEAKER_02 26:27

But the other thing I was gonna say is at some level you don't wanna like get your hopes up and like you know, because it is like a lot of ups and downs and it's exhausting. But also I think you kind of have to start picturing yourself in a house to feel confident, at least for me. Right. To feel confident putting an offer in. So I'm like, you know, this is just part of the process. How it's gonna be, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 26:57

What do you plan on doing with your lease if you find a house you love? Because I know the chances of the timing working out perfectly is probably quite rare. And I think in your situation, I'd be like, I'm terrified of breaking a lease. I've never done it before. So, like, what what will that look like potentially?

SPEAKER_02 27:14

Yeah. Uh, that was a concern. So we checked our lease before we looked at the first house. Like, is this, you know, to make sure it was even a hypothetical possibility. So our agreement says it is a year-long lease, but it says we have to give 60 days notice. So I don't know. To me, that's not so bad. It's just two months. We also talked to so our realtor asked us about this, and we told her the 60-day thing, and she kind of walked us through some options for making that transition work for that timeline. So, like, for example, depending on like in an offer, you can put in a certain closing timeline. So if you want a 30-day closing or 45-day closing, or you know, for competitive offers, she suggested doing like a 21-day closing. Um, you can kind of move that a little bit. Depending on when you close, you might not pay your first mortgage payment for two months. You're like, you're not gonna pay one that month. So that can work out with not having to like double up on a payment. And then the last thing is like this offer we made most recently, their agent asked if we'd be willing to let them stay in the house after closing. And like, in some situations, they can pay rent to you. So there are like a few kind of ways around that. So, but yeah, it was a concern of mine, but I'm not really worried about it anymore. Also, our landlord, I think, knows we're looking for a house, because we actually asked him about buying this house. So I don't think this will come as a surprise. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_01 29:10

And also it seemed like the house that you're renting now is quite popular too, if memory serves. So, like if you did move out, they could probably fill it pretty quickly. I would think so.

SPEAKER_02 29:21

I think we were one of we were like the first of five people in line to rent this house. But if we are still looking for a house by the time this lease runs up, which who knows, that's in like seven, six months, we will just go to a month-to-month lease to make it easier.

SPEAKER_01 29:41

Well, before we wrap up, do you want to share what resources have helped you gain the most clarity in terms of, like, I know you've mentioned podcasts, this call with a mortgage person, which wasn't that helpful. What would you recommend if people are interested in potentially starting?

SPEAKER_02 29:58

Honestly, I feel like our podcast talking with listeners has been one of the most helpful things. Like, just hearing other people's thought processes. And like Hillary's story in particular was so just like she just made it seem like I don't know, like you could do this. So yeah, just hearing other people's thought processes has been very helpful. And then both our lender that we ended up that we will probably go with, and our agent both specialize in host first-time homebuyers, and so they're very willing to like answer all answer all of our questions and the amount of time they give you before they get any money is wild to me. Like I know. You just spent 30 minutes after this showing walking us through, like explaining all these things to us, and like it could be months before you make any money. I don't know, that just blows my mind, but they have been very helpful. So I think part of it is just like who you hire. Yeah. Like you can learn so much from them. Obviously, you want to be uh like you wanna do your own research, but with the right I I think the right agent can help you a lot too. So that is what I have found helpful.

SPEAKER_01 31:28

Well, I think that at some point in the future we will be doing a part two from Emily's new home office. Once she finally is in a home, that is hers. So when that will be, who is to say, but who's to happen? So thank you for being willing to share your journey so far in the messy middle. It's been Yeah. It's been good to hear.

SPEAKER_02 31:55

It's one of those things where like it happens so fast. Obviously, right now it feels slow, but like it's good to just like kinda reflect on it because it's a whirlwind. We'll see you next week, girlies. Love ya, bye. That's a wrap on another episode of the Finance Girlies podcast. Nothing in this episode is meant to be taken as financial advice.

SPEAKER_01 32:21

Please do your own research and talk to a professional if you need advice. If you like this episode, consider leaving a review. Better yet, send the show to a friend who might enjoy it too. Love ya, bye. Nailed it.