In Her Prime

No job, no plans, no people. Just you. Now what?

• Season 1 • Episode 24

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When the noise stops — the work, the group chats, the productivity — do you still feel like you?

In today’s episode, we’re diving deep into the uncomfortable (but necessary) question: Who am I without the hustle?

We’re so used to tying our worth to what we do — but what if your real value has nothing to do with achievement, productivity, or being “on”? What if slowing down isn’t failure… it’s clarity?

You’ll learn:
✨ How to start unlearning hustle-as-identity
✨ 3 ways to find self-worth without work, success, or social validation
✨ Why slowness might be the most radical thing you choose this year

SPEAKER_01:

Hi guys, welcome back to Inner Prime. I'm Elise. And I'm Dom. This week we are talking about who am I without the hustle. I'm nobody. Sort of finding I'm nobody. Finding worth beyond success, even just finding peace and being okay with like stability. And I feel like our culture or our generation is so used to like chaos and you know burnout and finding the next best thing. And it's just like go, go, go. And I feel like recently the two of us have been trying to find hobbies and find peace in just like sitting still and sitting with ourselves. So we're gonna get a little deep today.

SPEAKER_00:

We obviously start off every episode off with our peak and pit. Do you want to start?

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_01:

Okay, my peak is I have been loving berries again. I feel like I used to love berries a couple years ago.

SPEAKER_00:

She got me into it. And then I stopped.

SPEAKER_01:

I stopped because I it got so expensive. What do you mean? That's why. It's so expensive. Yeah. And then I was like, you know what? If this is the one thing that makes me happy, or like one of the things, straight in the account. Let me just do it.

SPEAKER_00:

Let's just get a fit. What is it? A 50 pack for$1,500. Gosh, it's insane.

SPEAKER_01:

Like I buy a five pack a month and I go like once a week and it just kicks my ass every single time.

SPEAKER_00:

And I feel like it calms your nervous system. Like that's the best way to describe how I feel after berries. Like it is so intense, and you're in a red room and you're running and you're competing. Literally competing. And you are literally running beside the six-foot man beside you who's got legs this tall, and you're like, you're running at a 10 and like you're dying, and he's 12, just like jogging, and like they're calling you out, and you get on the floor, and he's like, No, 20 pounds, and you're like, Yeah, I love it. Literally, like literally.

SPEAKER_01:

If they say, you know, run at like seven, eight, nine, and you're at a six, like, no. No, what are you doing?

SPEAKER_00:

Get on. You better be at that nine.

SPEAKER_01:

You better be they're like a jog of eight, and you're like like dripping sweat. But the thing is, is like it kicks my ass like nothing. I love berries.

SPEAKER_00:

Honestly, I genuinely love berries, and I take a class every time I'm in Toronto.

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

You were the one that got me into it. I just don't understand why they don't why they don't do an unlimited membership. But I don't know.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, even if they do membership, that's not like a million dollars. Oh my gosh, you can buy a membership.

SPEAKER_00:

But I'm saying you can go like I'm the the Pilates studio that I go to, you do unlimited reform or unlimited Matt Pilates. I pay Matt Pilates$115 before tax. So it bills out to$130 a month. I think$130 a month for I take like three classes a week.

SPEAKER_02:

It's pretty good.

SPEAKER_00:

Like when you end up averaging, like averaging it out how much I pay per class, it's way cheaper than a class pass or just like a solo. And then their unlimited reformer is$375 a month. So like if you do, like for example, if I did berries, like I would do if I had berries close to me, like I would literally do berries twice a week, Pilates twice a week, and like one day weight training. Like I think that you've got like a carding it. You're not though, but I'm saying you're not like and I wish berries had that.

SPEAKER_01:

No, like berries has an eight-pack for like I don't know,$300 in the month, but you have to use it in one month, which I would use, but I'm like$300? Are you insane?

SPEAKER_00:

$300 for eight classes, like it's just not worth it. So anyway, that's I have a really good one.

SPEAKER_01:

That's my pit too.

SPEAKER_00:

That's peak and pit. My peak is I'm taking this girl out Friday and Saturday this week, which like never happens. But the only way that I can win. Like get it together. We're gonna have to cancel one of the nights on Saturday morning. She's gonna start foreshadowing a headache. Dom, I'm like, I woke up with a headache. I'm gonna make okay, so get an advil. But the way I sold her on Saturday night is there's this block party on Queen Street and it starts at five. So I was like, let's go for seven. You leave at 10, you're home by 10:30, you came out with me, techno event. Like, I'm like, there's like no better way that I can sell this. Right? Like, you can Irish goodbye. I'm gonna, there's a bunch of friends that are going. Like, you have like two drones.

SPEAKER_01:

No that I'm gone.

SPEAKER_00:

No one knows that are gone. I'm like, I'm like, did you go to the bathroom? You she's like, Dom, it's 2 a.m.

SPEAKER_01:

We left a long time ago. Every time Dom goes out, she freaking texts me at three o'clock in the morning. I'm like, are you awake? No, I am not awake.

SPEAKER_00:

I texted her Saturday. I texted her Friday night, and I was like texting someone that I shouldn't have uh shouldn't have been texting. So then, or I was I was on the phone with someone that I shouldn't have been shouldn't have been on the phone with, and then I just like booty called her or booty, I'm like, you up? And she's like, no dumb, I'm not. So, anyways, that's like my peak is that I'm like going out with Elise this weekend, and honestly, my pit is just I have like no capabilities of keeping my room clean. Like that is just a pit. Like I suck at that. And like my mom is always screaming in my ear, it's like when your space is disorganized, you're disorganized. And it it makes sense. Like I walk, like you saw my room yesterday, like it's disgusting. But I'm just like, I keep on just adding on to the mess, and I just can't think. And my thing is is like I let the mess get so crazy until I have a nervous breakdown. I'm like, okay, now we have to deep clean. And I wish I just like cleaned.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't know why I can't keep my room clean either.

SPEAKER_00:

I can't, like I actually just can't. Like I can't keep my room clean. My I have a beautiful vanity to do my makeup that's like piled with clothes. I have a piece of steak on it from like two days ago. Like it's just, it's just gross. And like I have when my space is clean, like I have so much room. Like I have a full office and a room and a double sink bathroom. Like, if that was all clean, like I would walk into it and be like, like it would just be like butterflies.

SPEAKER_01:

I mean, I guess that's the pro of living with somebody is like I would shank me.

SPEAKER_00:

No, like my mom shanks me and I'm like close the door.

SPEAKER_01:

But you don't share a bedroom with it.

SPEAKER_00:

No, I don't share a bedroom or bathroom with anyone that's like if that bed's not made in the morning.

SPEAKER_01:

We have this rule. Last one out makes it bad. It's always up.

SPEAKER_00:

You run out. You run out, you're like, he's like, but you're not ready.

SPEAKER_01:

You're like, yeah, but it was he And he goes, This rule isn't fair. You know I wake up at like 10 and I'm like, I don't know, you made it.

SPEAKER_00:

You made it, you made the rule. So I would say that's like my pit. It's just, I don't know, my my room's a mess, like an absolute mess all the time. Like it's just gross. I have friends who are like, I'm like, hey, just like a quick little PSA. Like, I I live in filth. Yeah. So that's just something that like I need to work on. But I'm yeah, I don't know. I'll get to it later. Tomorrow. Tomorrow.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I feel like I only realized that this was like a problem for me after I let go of all of my clients because I was so busy all the time. Like I my average number of clients was like four clients at a time. And I had literally no time. I was building my own brand and then had four clients, and then also trying to do social media, and it was just like go, go, go, no, no, no, no, no, no, podcast and then yeah, it's just a lot. It was constant. Yeah. And I didn't really realize how crazy it was sort of getting until one of my clients kind of pissed me off and I dropped them, and then I decided to drop everybody because I was like, I just need a break. Like that just like took me over the edge. Yeah. And I feel like then I went through a crisis where I'm like, oh my gosh, all of my friends don't live here. I don't have a hobby. I don't have a job. I'm not making money. I'm like I'm about to go to Camage and like ask for a bed. I literally was like, what am I doing? Like, what am I doing? And don't get me wrong, like I'm still, still in this phase where like I feel slightly, I don't think lost is the word. And I don't think unmotivated is the word because I can like get myself up. Like I still get up at 7 30, like I still go and like work out. Like I'm motivated in that way. But I'm trying to find like life in myself of like hobbies and like stuff that it's not like traditionally quote unquote like successful, but it's like successful in its own way. Of like, I think going for a walk is like successful in its own way.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01:

But like success from like external validation. And I feel like that is so hard because I feel like our generation is like constantly praised for working hard or being pretty or having friends. And like even as a kid, like you are constantly praised for getting good grades and you know, being on the sports team and doing all these things that like okay, well, what happens when like you're not doing that? Yeah, then are am I still like am I still good?

SPEAKER_00:

Qualified as yeah. So the thing is honestly about you is Elise has a really good work ethic, but I feel like sometimes you get lost in just the hustle of all of it, that when you turn it off, you're just not-I have a hard time turning it off. But yeah, but I'm saying, but when you do turn it off, you're like, okay, you're just like the skeleton. Like there's nothing, there's no more substance that you can offer because you pour all of yourself into this. That when the other like there's something else to do, you're like, I actually don't have anything to do. And like it's not in a bad way, like that's a that's a great quality to have. But I think now that you don't have all of these clients and you still have such a strong work ethic, and maybe not work ethic, like you just have you have such a strong drive that it's like, okay, like pour these drive, this drive that I have into like multiple different things.

SPEAKER_01:

I think I I don't know if it's like an ADHD thing, like it must be, but I even as a kid, I could never be doing nothing. Like, as a my family always makes fun of me that like as a kid, I like can never sit still. I always have to be busy or doing something or doing something with my hands, or like we'll be watching a movie and like I'm playing on Canva, or like we will be, you know. Can you stop? I can't stop. I'm constantly like that's why I have a hard time sleeping, is because my brain is wired constantly. Like I am constantly thinking of new ideas, and being creative is so fulfilling to me. So it's hard when I just like I think of this idea, and then oh my gosh, okay, I think of this idea, and then I think of this one, and then I'll have our pitch deck done in an hour because I'm so excited about it, and I have like such that personality that I get so hyper focused on things that make me genuinely excited. So when work made me so excited and now I'm not working, it's sort of like, okay, so what else can make me excited?

SPEAKER_00:

And that's like that is like our biggest, like literally the underlying theme, I think, of this podcast is being fulfilled and finding the simple things in life that can generate that level of excitement and bring you the level of fulfillment that you get from work.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, because I think like the Okay, so then the excitement that I get is unattainable. Like the the thing is.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, is it the excitement of just be of just working? Like just being working.

SPEAKER_01:

I don't think it's working, or I don't think it's being busy. I think I get excitement from new ideas, and I get excitement from building things. And I think even with like that rebrand thing today, like my level of excitement is a lot higher than like somebody else's level of excitement would be because I have such like a hyperactive brain.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. That like But I don't think that there's absolutely like I would be concerned if you weren't excited. And like I I maybe like don't show it as much as you do, but like I'm right there with you. Like when you send ideas or when you send me a huge text, like I read it and like I feel the external, like maybe I don't show it as much, but I don't think there's anything wrong with being that excited. I think your question is like what other things can be.

SPEAKER_01:

I think it's more so like, yeah, like what other things can excite me because it's not necessarily just work, like if I'm doing something creative and I'm like really pumped about it, yeah, I'm pumped. Like, let's do it. But I think it's more so I love being creative, and I love doing something that feels fulfilling in that way, but I don't paint or I don't draw or I don't, you know, do physical creative stuff like that. My creative like fulfillment is like in my brain and like coming up with ideas that like we can do and it can be fun, and like, oh my gosh, like bringing this vision to life, like that is what is so exciting to me. So I think it's finding things that maybe aren't necessarily creative, but stuff that is not like in success or like from other people, because I think the hard part that I can run into is say, you know, we're having a hard month and you know, maybe house and movement is not doing very well, or maybe my work performance is not showing very well, but it's in something that I was so excited about, I can get like really upset about it. And I can like I can really take like two weeks and like have like two really hard weeks because I almost take it personal. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think But I think sorry, you take it personal because you care, and because like you put literally balls to the wall a thousand and fifty percent into every piece of work that you put out, and that's something to be super proud of. But I think the reason why we're talking about this today is like we need to figure out what else we like to do as 24-year-olds to keep ourselves busy and to be mentally stimulated and to just like have fun and have passions that are not directly correlated with work. Yeah, because I think turning it off is so important and just letting yourself be free and just finding things that you like to do and finding things and like just being okay with like doing nothing. And like literally just a hard time with doing nothing, like just doing nothing and like going out and just like being mindless and like like want to sit in the grass and like literally like yeah, like just doing mind mindless things like hey, like let's spend the whole day downtown doing nothing, let's walk around and let's like go to like sit at a patio and then let's go for a walk and let's go on Queen Street and let's just like and like fuck around and like let's just do like I think and like I can do that.

SPEAKER_01:

I think when I'm with other people, like I can do nothing and it can be fun, but it's because I'm with other people.

SPEAKER_00:

I think but I think doing it alone, like genuinely being like, you know what, it's Saturday.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm gonna take myself.

SPEAKER_00:

I'm gonna just like do my own thing. Like I'm gonna go to the mall, I'm gonna go for a walk, I'm gonna get a massage, I'm gonna get my like just doing things that have nothing to do with work because like you need those days off. Like they're so, so, so, so important. I think it allows you to reset. Yeah, it allows you to just like refocus, realign what you're thinking. Like maybe you're extremely burnt out creatively, but it's like, yeah, because you're using that side of your brain every what is it, your creative side's your left side.

SPEAKER_01:

I think so.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, like you're los you're using the left side of your brain every single day, and you're not giving yourself a day to just like, am actually like not gonna think. Like, I'm not gonna do anything. Like, I just want to be present, like be in the moment.

SPEAKER_01:

And I think that's it's I was talking to my friend that lives overseas about it, and she was like, I actually disagree. She was like, I think that work does become your reality. She was like, I work a nine to five, all of my friends are from work, I go for dinner with my friends at work, you know, work has become my reality. It has to be a good thing. Okay, but like here's my question.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, but then here's like my rebuttal to that. You get let go from that job. Yeah. What do you have outside of that? Like, do you have a friend group? Do you have a support system? Do you have hobbies that you like to do outside of that?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Because if you get let go from that job, I'm gonna say nine times out of ten, maybe you'll you'll latch on to like a few friends, but if those friends from that work still work there, like their that's their nine to five, and then their routine is the the people that still work there, and then they have their work dinners and their work parties and their workoutings, like you will slowly start to just like sift away from that, whether like you want it or not. Like that's just the way it goes. So that's why I think it's so important.

SPEAKER_01:

It's it's important to have just like things for yourself. Yeah, and it can be like as simple as like, hey, I love to paint and I take a painting class every other week. Something like that.

SPEAKER_00:

That like that is what yeah, that is like what we need to we need to figure out what we want to do because I would hate to then fall into that cycle where everything I do is just work, and then God forbid you get to the point where work gets like ripped up out from under your feet, and then you're just standing there and it's like, what do I have?

SPEAKER_01:

Yeah, and like I think you can be like if you are in a situation like that, like you can be sad about it, but you can still be like, you know what, but I I'll figure it out and I still have this and like something will come from it. But I think a big part of our generation is like so used to like chaos, and like even in relationships, like I feel like people play the game and they're used to like you know, hearing of like fireworks and toxicity, and like they're obsessed with this person, and like I think it's like a learned thing to just like be okay that like stability is just like a piece, and like whether it's in work or a relationship, like I it can be boring, and it's not I don't think boring is the right word, like I think it's just like that's just your nervous system being at its baseline.

SPEAKER_00:

And I think with social media and that's actually like the perfect way to describe it. Like, I want to find like I think you and I should find things that just like zen us the fuck out. Like it's something that you and I, even individuals, like where you can just do and you're like, you leave and you're like like you feel so calm and energized and and you don't feel like you have to pick up your phone. No, no, you're just like there, you're just present, like you go take that class and like you're literally on DD for three hours and you're just like I'm this is for me. Like I'm doing this for Elise. Like and you leave and you're like you made something or something comes of it, or like you're learning a language or an instrument, and just you're like this is solely just for me. So then when I hit my pillow at the end of the night, like my head, like it's just like I feel content and I feel happy.

SPEAKER_01:

Well, I think like even a learning curve for me getting into like a relationship, for example, was like, oh my gosh, like I don't feel obsessed with this person. And I remember I spoke to the therapist about it, and she was like, obsessed is bad, like you are obsessed, you lose it, like obsession comes and it's like it's like it's it comes and goes, but it but the word like obsession is such like an intense feeling that is not realistic, like those like firework feeling, like that's not what it is supposed to feel like. Like it's supposed to feel like comfortable and calm, and like with your hobbies, like it's supposed to feel like hey, this is like bringing me back down. And I feel like even with movies these days and shows, I was talking to my sister about it because she just had a baby. And I I've seen a lot on social media that parents are showing their kids older movies that we used to watch when we were kids because movies these days are like so like ADHD, like Despicle Me and all these like don't get me wrong, I love these movies, but it is like one thing after the next, and loud noises and colors and everything, and then you look back to like Cinderella, like we used to watch, and it is like calm and like so slow and the plot just like accelerates slowly, and I think like we just are in such a fast-paced reality, and like now we have AI, and now we have all these electronics, and you have easy access to everybody and everything. Like, I think it's so important to spend conscious time every day off of your phone and to disconnect and just disconnect and like read that book and take a bath and do that face mask and just like stay off of social media. And I know your phone has like time limits for apps, but to be honest, I don't think those work. Like, I I click ignore, ignore you.

SPEAKER_00:

Like, I'm not talking to you, like this is not happening.

SPEAKER_01:

So I looked up how to start unlearning basically like finding worth in success, and like three ways to find worth without success. And the three things were reconnect your identity, who am I without my work? What do people love about me that has nothing to do with what I achieved? The second thing was redefine your value, what's valuable about me on a Sunday afternoon when nothing is happening. And then the third thing was choose slowness on purpose, add rituals that aren't tied to growth. So, like journaling, walking, conversations, reading a book, stuff like that. So I think that's just something to think about.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, I I think I'm like I I honestly think I'll probably listen back to this episode and just like pay attention to what we talked about because I think it resonates a lot with where I'm at and just finding things in my life that are gonna fulfill me and to be honest, distract me from the things that I am feeling. Not that I want, not to distract me in like a negative way, but to just like find purpose and like redirect my energy onto something else. Like if I'm just like crashing out and it's like, you know what, I'm gonna read for 20 minutes, or like I'm gonna write, or I'm gonna do something because I I I personally like I don't know if it was one or two that you just read, but like finding who you are out like or finding the things that people like about you outside of like when someone thinks of Elise, like what do they think about?

SPEAKER_01:

Or like when someone thinks of me like you can't say a single thing about work, or you can't say a single thing about like something that is like brings you success.

SPEAKER_00:

To be honest, like that's an that's a hard and awkward conversation to have with yourself, but I think it's super important because it grounds you and then it makes you actually think of which what I was mentioning on the previous podcast of like having things that you can offer to a conversation that have nothing to do with work.

SPEAKER_01:

It was it was not even work, nothing to do with success. Because like say you do social media and that's not your work, but you like posting. Can you say something like positive about yourself? Not only that doesn't tie to work, but that doesn't tie to like anything that you are doing for like external validation.

SPEAKER_00:

There was a YouTube video and I forget the name, but it's it was one of those YouTube channels where they get a big group of people and they do surveys and and political debates. But anyways, it was you need to sit, they would point at different people in the room and you had to go and there was a light shined on you. And it was you need to talk about something not work related for five minutes. Yeah, something that you're interested about. And a lot of people couldn't. And it was like so, but then people would talk about art that they're super into, countries that they love, hobbies, wine, music, um, politics that they're super passionate about, um, non-for-pro like someone rambled on about this non-for-profit that she's part of. Thing like, like, and I want to be able to get to a point where someone like sat me down right now and was like, Dom, talk about something not house of movement, not uh your tech startup for five minutes. Yeah, not social media, not social media. Yeah, I would probably talk about like what would you talk about?

SPEAKER_01:

Your dog?

SPEAKER_00:

I would probably talk about my dog, or I'd probably talk about like events, like music, like why I love that music so much. But that's not like I want something that's gonna add value. Yeah. What would you talk about for five minutes? Um Romeo.

SPEAKER_01:

No, absolutely not. Um, I'd probably talk about like the importance of being creative, but like outside of house movement, obviously, like creative in like sewing or like you know, using your imagination when you're reading. Like I feel like when you can really tap into your creative side, I don't think don't get me wrong, I think you're born with a level of creativity. So like I have two sisters, one of my sisters is just like me when it comes to being creative, and we just think like I think back to very similar kids, and we would like use our imagination so much, and we would do all these crafts and all these things. And my other sister is like a doctor and like so type A, and then like is not creative in that way. Yeah, she has like her other strong suits, but I I think it it taps into like this childlike side of you if you can really get into it, and it's sometimes like it just being creative to me, like feels like euphoric. Yeah, and I think like that that's like a learned thing over time, and I think it's so important to like teach creativity in school and like teach all of this over time because I feel like school is so focused on like math and science, and like, yeah, you have art class, but like what the what the fuck is that?

SPEAKER_00:

I didn't do anything in art class. No, no. Um, okay, but I'm gonna challenge everyone that's listening. Are you able to talk about something not work-related for five minutes? Something that you're genuinely super passionate about because I don't know, like I think I could, but I think that like I listened, I saw that video online, and it was, I don't know, it was really interesting to see some of the people that some of the things that people talk about outside of work, and it makes you wonder like, what more do I have to offer that are not just the day-to-day things that I do every day.

SPEAKER_01:

So and I'll put those three things in the show notes too. So take it a give it a read.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I think I'm done rambling.

SPEAKER_01:

I'm good.

SPEAKER_00:

But guys, thank you so much for listening to today's episode. It honestly, this one kind of like hit close to home for Elise and I because A, we're like quite literally living through everything that we talked about. I think Elise a little bit more than I. This has been a conversation on her end that's been coming for, I would say probably since like February, where you've just been stressed, burnt out. And I think the hobby conversation is I needed it today more than ever. Yeah. But I think it's super important to take a minute and just sit and like cheesy as it is, like genuinely reflect on like the things that you like to do and the things that maybe you like to do as a kid, and things that like bring out that inner child, or things that bring out a creative side, or bring out maybe something that you used to do when you were a child and you stopped doing, or you got made fun of. I don't know, or like maybe like something that I've actually thought about doing is taking cooking lessons. Yeah. Because I love to cook. And I thought during COVID I was gonna be a chef. Like I started a cooking Instagram and I was like, I'm gonna blow up. Like I'm gonna make these fish tacos and like I'm I'm the next, the next Gordon Ramsay. Yeah, but genuinely, I think it's super important to just take a minute and like sit down and reflect and figure out who am I outside of the hustle because I think it can be super easy to get caught up in all of that, but it's not all of it. Like that's not your life. Like your nine to five is not everything that you are as an individual, and there's more to life than just that. So thank you so much for listening. We appreciate you guys so much. And yeah, we'll chat next week. We'll see ya. Bye.