The Ritual Nurse

There Are No Ducks. Only Trash Pandas in Scrubs.

• Riva - The Ritual Nurse • Season 1 • Episode 16

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This week’s episode is a love letter to every nurse who’s been overwhelmed, under-caffeinated, and hanging on by a stethoscope string. Host Riva gets real about the kind of week that makes you question your career, your sanity, and your alarm clock.

You’ll hear:

  • How Riva survived a 70-dred-hour dumpster fire of a week without losing her cool (It's not even Wednesday)
  • Why DBT distress tolerance skills are actual life preservers in the nursing world
  • What it really means to recalibrate expectations instead of spiraling into shame
  • A sacred coffee experiment (CHERRY COLD FOAM, shutup)
  • A ritual crystal + tarot pull to anchor your spirit (read you to filth)

Plus: exciting updates about the Ritual Nurse merch store dropping soon and a shift to biweekly episodes to protect the sacred sanity of us all.

If this episode hits you in the soul — share it.
If you’re still listening, bless your soul and your cortisol levels. Here’s how you can help me not spiral into content creator burnout:

👉 Follow us on TikTok @TheRitualNurse
I am the ONLY follower. It’s raw. It’s real. It’s baby brand new.
But with your energy, we can turn it into a whole-ass sacred space for nurse healing, rituals, and chaotic holy wisdom.

So please. Come follow. Come like stuff. Come save me from screaming into the void alone.

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 🪄 Share it with a nurse who’s on the edge — we are not meant to do this alone.

Let’s build this thing together. Let’s make it so good no nurse ever feels like they’re losing it in silence again.

Hey! Make sure you subscribe to stay connected. Love a nurse? Who doesn't! Share with all the nurses you know. The more we reach, the more we help. We feel like no one deserves center stage focus more than nurses and our mission is to reach the millions of superstars out there. We'd love to hear your stories, your adventures, your wins, and especially your needs and questions! Email us at hello@ritualnurse (dot) com. Also, you can send us fan mail! Use the link at the beginning of the show notes. Resources, classes, blogs, and podcast info can be found on our home site at TCTH.org. The Ritual Nurse Podcast is part of The Code Team educational platform.

Love your FAYCES!

Speaker 1:

Welcome to the Ritual Nurse, where healing meets humor, science and a touch of magic. Hey, hi, it's your girl, reva, and you are listening to the Ritual Nurse, the podcast where we mix science, spirit and a sprinkle of sarcasm to help nurses finally put themselves first. And this week oh man, this week tried to put me in a headlock. Before we dive in, just a quick note. I'm not a licensed therapist. I am a registered professional nurse, but not a licensed therapist. So this episode does not replace therapy and if you're in crisis or need deeper support, please reach out to a licensed provider or 988. So why do I know any of this stuff? Well, I have completed DBT education with Dr Alan Frazetti and DBT is also part of my doctoral project, research and development. So I speak about the theories as they would intersect with how we, as nurses and frontline responders, move through the world. And, as a nurse who's lived through trauma, burnout and a whole ass career on the edge, I've learned how to use these skills as a practitioner, a teacher and a fellow human being trying to survive the system. So what we're talking about today, it's not a therapy session. It's nurse to nurse, wisdom, real tools, real talk and radical compassion for myself. So let's talk about what the hell happened this week. This week, emotional labor showed up with a baseball bat. I was overwhelmed behind an hour late for my own students. And you know what? What I didn't do. I didn't lose my cool. Why? Because I stopped trying to meet some bullshit internal metric of perfection and just focused on the next thing in front of me. And yeah, I could have spiraled, I could have gone like full shame tornado, but I didn't.

Speaker 1:

The overwhelm is something that, especially with ADHD and being neurodiverse, when I get to the point where I'm having to move from one thing to the other and I'm still behind the curve, meaning like there's no pause, there's no reflection, there's no checking to see if no reflection, there's no, you know, checking to see if your executive functioning is even on board that's when overwhelm for me becomes kind of like a tidal wave. So let me tell you what actually helped Lowering the engagement expectations that I had for myself. As in, you don't have to immediately respond to every text like you're putting out a. In, you don't have to immediately respond to every text like you're putting out a fire. You don't have to make plans with people or invest energy or time with people, not because you're being mean or excluding them or being weird, but simply because you're conserving the dopamine that you have for the functional necessity that you need it for in that moment. Once you've got your shit together, relatively speaking, and you're not in that moment of overwhelm, you can resume your normal social activities and interactions with friends and engagements, if that's something that works for you. But lowering the engagement expectations is a really, really important factor in that those expectations kind of hang in front of you as if there's some kind of metric that you need to reach while you're busy, like trying to leap over hurdles in the fastest 200 sprint of your life. Newsflash, your girl's not a sprinter. The 800 was the fastest I ever ran.

Speaker 1:

I'm more of a distance person, so doing one task at a time, even if I was late, we have this propensity to want to crash through tasks like a bull in a China shop. Whenever we get behind, late and pressed for time and things start stacking up against each other without a moment to breathe, we really try to grasp everything and throw all of it out there and just hope something sticks. All that does is add to the anxiety and the overwhelm in a massive way, because then we're not sure what fell through the cracks, we're not sure if we did something, we're not sure how many mistakes we made. So just focusing on doing one task at a time actually helps you move through the tasks and achieve completion a hell of a lot faster than our infamous neurodiverse multitasking does in this situation of overwhelm. Now don't get me wrong. One of the reasons I was really good in the ER and the ICU is because my brain is like this little hyper threaded thing up there that occasionally really surprises me.

Speaker 1:

Another thing is showing up with honesty instead of shame. So this one we're going to we're going to talk about a little bit more in depth in a couple minutes here, because it's really really significant for me Um, having rejection, sensitive dysphoria as somebody with ADHD, um, and a couple other factors, this is a really significant one for me. But showing up with honesty instead of shame actually keeps you from compounding that and it really keeps you from creating this false narrative that depletes your dopamine far faster than the situation of overwhelm does and ends up with you feeling even more unaccomplished and even more behind and dejected. And this is all this like fake narrative. Like girl, you're sitting in the corner hurting your own feelings. Okay, just for real. But we're going to talk about that a little bit in a few more minutes, a little bit later on.

Speaker 1:

Um, in regards to some basic skill sets, um, the last thing was treating myself like a human being instead of a productivity bot. So, recognizing if I need a break, recognizing if I'm hungry, recognizing, you know, just, inherent biological needs. And again, what do we talk about in this podcast? Ad nauseum? Intentionally creating space so that you can be emotionally aware, you can be self-aware, you can check in with yourself. A lot of times when we get into overwhelmed situations like this whether it's on the floor, whether it's with our toddler, whether it's, I don't know just standing by yourself in the middle of the parking lot, but we can't get our shit together that overwhelm really pushes us into a realm of, okay, I have got to be on it and I am checking off boxes and I'm a machine and I'm cranking this out, and none of that holds any space whatsoever for actually being aware of yourself, your surroundings and being intentional with your actions. So that's kind of the bullet points of what actually helped.

Speaker 1:

What saved me wasn't doing some miracle of executive functioning. Let me tell you something. When you, even if you're neuro-normative, when you are in situations of overwhelm like that, I mean, come on, I was an hour late for my own students, and we're not even going to talk about why, because I had several things, starting from 6.30 in the morning onward, that were back to back, slammed up against each other, that were back to back slammed up against each other, one of which because I completely transposed the times of one event on Friday and then the event on Monday. So, in absolute panic mode, I was already late running from one event that I did. Okay, on the first event I wasn't initially late for, but then that cascaded right into something I was 26 minutes late for, ended up then being an hour late for my students and it just kept going from there. I mean straight up, headlock, like I was about ready to fight.

Speaker 1:

But in retrospect, obviously it's not some miracle of executive functioning, because in situations like that that I just described, our executive functioning is highly limited. That fight or flight response that we get when the sympathetic nervous system kicks in and starts shunting blood all over the place really does a dirty on executive functioning, nevermind the neurotransmitters that you're burning wildly while you're scrambling for a foothold on your day or the situation. So your executive functioning exits stage left and if you're neurodiverse, it might've already exited stage left before you got up that morning. Occasionally happens, so it's. It's a it's a real struggle bus Like it's. That's not, um, that's not an exaggeration or hyperbole, but again, it's not some miracle of executive functioning, it's distress tolerance. Straight up, I dropped the performance act and just survived the moment.

Speaker 1:

Distress tolerance doesn't mean that you go through the moment or the situation and, you know, are clutching your pearls and wearing your heels while doing it. It means you just survived the moment and whatever that happens to look like, I mean, hey, if you happen to be wearing a pearl necklace and can wear heels during this, more power to you. If you look like a wet, long haired Persian cat by the end of it, okay, also, you survived the moment, that's just fine. So in DBT, this is kind of the art of riding the wave you don't fight it, you don't fix it, you just get through the damn thing without making it worse. That's the key aspect, the coping mechanism that you employ to get through the situation. The point is to choose a healthy one or the healthiest one that you can choose in the moment, so that you're not making the situation worse. Fixing it may not be an option, or fixing it may be an option, but you need executive functioning to do that. And in order to get that executive functioning, you got to survive the moment, to give yourself some space from it, recoup and then address the problem. So let me walk you through how this plays out in real life.

Speaker 1:

The first one is stop. I literally said to myself girl, stop, you are not going to think your way out of this panic spiral. So I paused, breathed and asked what is the next thing I can actually do? What's the next thing? Okay, I can show up at 826 and not let the internal screaming voice of panic be staring at the 26 minutes of being late. I can show up and be professional and participate and be fully present, regardless of how being late was affecting me. So, basically, you stop, take a step back, observe and proceed mindfully. That mindfully part's really important, because the next one is being one mindfully in the moment. What the hell does that mean? That means I didn't try to fix everything. I wasn't trying to catch up to some imaginary schedule. I chose one task. I chose one task, just one, and I gave it everything I had in that minute. That's it. Be one mindful in that moment.

Speaker 1:

Radical acceptance is the next one. This one hurts but it works. This is one I struggle so hard with as an eldest, grandchild, firstborn daughter, late diagnosed ADHD, indigo kid. I have to force myself to accept that the nuts have left the rave and there's no ducks, just trash pandas and a set of scrubs. So I had to say to myself okay, you're late, you're behind, that's real. Fighting it doesn't undo it. But how you show up next, that part you still own to give yourself a sense of control over the situation.

Speaker 1:

Sometimes you have to radically accept that it is a dumpster fire and a dumpster fire you gleefully lit with your own Molotov cocktail, however unintentionally. You got to accept it, you got to accept it. And you have to put that hyper vigilant fear of judgment and rejection aside. That's just not even part of the conversation. You have to radically accept what's real. You have to look at what is real and what is a narrative going on in my head and spiraling, the stuff that's real we accept.

Speaker 1:

Now how do I show up for this? How do I show up for this and carry on the self-respect effect. This is a big one. I told my students the truth, not excuses, not fake apologies, just honesty. I'm human. I had a hell of a rough start today, but I am fully here for you now and guess what? No one bailed, nobody judged me. They respected me more because I led with integrity and not performance. They also understand that being able to see somebody handling a very similar stress load perceptually to what they're experiencing and how you show up for it is really important. So, yay, bonus me totally unintentional falling downstairs teaching moment.

Speaker 1:

But this is what I mean when I say emotional exhaustion is not a personality trait, it's a state, not an identity. And if you treat it like a storm and not a personal failure, there's that rejection, sensitive dysphoria thing again. You can ride it out instead of drowning in it. And it is really really important that we learn to utilize these skills as we are navigating everything from our shift to our personal responsibilities and intersections and engagements with others, because the type of career and profession that we have, we're already walking into it at a higher stress level, a higher demand and performance expectation level than is normal or average because of the sheer weight of responsibility on our shoulders. And guys, I'm not talking about just the ICU or the ER or care flight or first responders. I am talking about every aspect in which you, as a licensed professional, have the responsibility of another human being's welfare and life on your shoulders.

Speaker 1:

That sounds like a bunch of words probably out of some nursing textbook, but it's fact. Every aspect of nursing. We carry some facet, if not 100%, of that burden of responsibility on our shoulders, and that is a lot of stress. That is a big mountain to be standing in front of that you have to get over to just even start the climb. Okay, so that you know, radical compassion I mean, I was joking when I said it was for myself, but it's really for all of us and radical compassion is something that you have to develop by creating intentional space. You can't breathe or look or observe, or evaluate or even stop if you haven't mastered the art of creating even just a moment or two of intentional space.

Speaker 1:

In some of the earlier episodes I discuss how to use ritual a practiced, habitual application of expectations, words, items, behaviors to create intentional space. And who am I kidding? We all know I throw some magic in there too, but you have to be able to do that in order to utilize any of these skills for self-preservation, and that's 100%. What I am here to teach you is self-preservation how to protect your peace and your sanity and put yourself first. Now, on that note, we are going to head for our usual musical interlude and break, and afterwards I've got some news for you. We've got some stuff coming down the pipeline some exciting, some different and, all of it, incredible. So if you are headed back to the floor, have the most amazing shift with the most incredible orders, and we're not going to say the other word. And if you're going to be hanging out with us, well, use this musical interlude to get your snacks, refresh your drink, hydrate, and we will see you back here to continue on with the podcast. All right, welcome back. If you are joining us after your shift or you're getting ready to hop in the car for a commute, then I am so excited you're back with us. And if you are just returning with your snacks and your arms laden full of goodies, I also love that just as much. I am a definite snack person. But let's talk about the shift.

Speaker 1:

So I have been putting out weekly episodes for four straight months, and that's a big deal. I've built a solid foundation. There was a lot of things that I wanted to get out, definitely tool wise for you guys, including the meditations, including some skill sets. We've got 16 full episodes and I'm proud as hell of that catalog. But there's something that I've realized, especially as I head into my own clinicals. Something that I've realized especially as I head into my own clinicals the pace that I'm keeping isn't really sustainable. I keep preaching to y'all to rest, reset, regulate and, of course, not doing it myself. I don't think so, so I'm taking my own advice.

Speaker 1:

So, from here forward, until we start launching curriculum in the fall, most likely the Ritual Nurse is going to drop new episodes every other week. Why? Because I want each one to feel like something you can't stop thinking about. I want you to hit play and feel like it was made for you, not rushed out of obligation. Now I'm not going anywhere. The podcast is not slowing down in impact, it's just leveling the hell up in quality and I want to make sure that that's there for you and I want to make sure that I have the time to develop what I need to in between episodes dropping, moving forward, especially because we're going to be prepping for that content launching in the fall and you guys have got some foundations and skills to build along the way before we take that on full storm. So the quality has to be there and I want to meet you with that, with full intention and full expectations.

Speaker 1:

Also, speaking of leveling up y'all, the store is almost live. See, you thought your girl was putting her feet up and I am Thank you very much. I'm just designing stuff on my own and building my own store while my feet are up. So I made some cute ass merch. I mean like actual scream worthy tote bags, t-shirts and more is coming, designed by me, created by me. It's got that magic little trauma informed us and, yes, I built the whole Shopify store myself because apparently I'm that girl. Now we all know that I've been that geek nerd girl coding and scripting. But it's about that Shopify situation right now and once it goes live, I'm going to add it to tcthorg so that you can find everything podcast, classes, downloads, tools and merch in one cute ass digital cauldron that should be coming up in the next two weeks.

Speaker 1:

I have 20 of the products loaded so far. I have all of the scripting and connections created and done in Shopify. We're just, you know, you know making it cute and adding some other products before it goes live, um, but the domain and everything is there and it's connected. I really just kind of got to drop the curtain, um, so keep an eye out and sign up for updates and just know this isn't just stuff. Okay, this is support gear for sacred nurse sanity and survival. You better get that right gear on. That's all I got to say. So we have foundations to shake, so we're going to do it in style with, okay, a lot of attitude now that I'm actually thinking about the merch that I created. Um, but what else is new? Like you wouldn't be here if you weren't expecting that.

Speaker 1:

Now, of course, let's get into our favorite segment of the podcast. Don't lie, I know you put up with me talking for like 20 minutes and a teeny tiny musical interlude to take a break from me, just so that we can get to Crystal's Coffee and Divination. It's cool, I actually am doing the same thing. So this week's brew you have got to hear me out. I stumbled onto something absolutely unhinged, but in the best way Starbucks cherry, cold foam. Okay, pause, pause, everybody breathe. I know a lot of people don't like the coffee scented fish people, I hear you. I actually haven't been to one in months, maybe since last year actually. However, I wanted coffee and that's the option I had, so for me it worked at the moment. Now you can recreate this at home, but just hear me out on the flavor profile first. Okay, so I had it on a chai latte and I also ordered it on a skinny mocha.

Speaker 1:

The cherry cold foam is cherry, not like the. I don't know why Mars the pan tastes like cherry to me, but it kind of does. Um, and I think it's almond dot cherry, but not in like the. I don't know why marzipan tastes like cherry to me, but it kind of does, and I think it's almond dot cherry, but not in like the super fake cherry kind of way, but still sweet dessert cherry, not like fruit cherry, and it's not overpowering. However, with the chai latte, and then, of course, with the chocolate, what the heck? I have never I don't order fruit coffee things I.

Speaker 1:

The lavender chai, uh, a few months ago was interesting. Um, human bean has a like a dirty chai kind of situation that they do. That wasn't my favorite with the lavender, but the regular chai was. However, the fruit situation. I have not done that before and I don't know why I ordered it. It was pink. I don't know what happened. I am shocked that I did and it was amazing. It was absolutely amazing, like goddess, my witness.

Speaker 1:

Uh, the cold foam is delivering like divine intervention with a straw. It's kind of like a dessert, but in drink form, a lot like that. Peppermint cold foam. Mocha situation um, that I was talking about at the beginning of the year. Um, I'm I want to try it on a matcha. However, um, the grass liquid. Liquid sometimes doesn't sit well with me, so I'm a little scared of that one. Sometimes it pairs really well. I don't know. I'm a little excited, definitely risking everything for the sake of some sacred caffeinated experimentation. Right, I don't know. Cherry matcha yeah, you guys are going to have to let me know, uh, on socials, what you think about that.

Speaker 1:

Speaking of socials, okay, shift number three. We're going to have to pause just a second. Just a second before we get to our crystal and divination. We are live on Tik TOK. So the ritual nurse it's at. The ritual nurse. No spaces, no nonsense. Me myself and I are my followers at the moment and we are shifting not completely away from the meta platforms, but the algorithm grind on the meta platforms is absolutely like brick to cement. It is ridiculous. So that and there's just more fun content options, I think, on TikTok than I have on the meta platforms at the moment. We're not leaving them. Our Facebook is still there. Nobody uses Facebook, but our Facebook is still there. Instagram is still there. That's not going anywhere. Now. Our Instagram is under the code team, as usual, the educational platform.

Speaker 1:

But on TikTok, the ritual nurse itself, just like the podcast side of things, absolutely has its own TikTok. So head over there, please, and rescue me. I'm like on no side of TikTok right now. On the ritual nurse, we do have another account. The mythical family account has been on TikTok for a while, but the ritual nurse it literally just went live today with two little baby reels, kind of putting things out there. Please go over there and rescue me immediately, help, please. I'm hashtag aiming to stay on nurse talk and of course you know witchy talk and book talk and all that other good stuff, but nurse talk primarily. So please head over there and rescue me, please, please.

Speaker 1:

It is at the ritual nurse on TikTok and I'm super excited to see what kind of content we're bringing out. I'm going to hopefully upload some clips of me recording the podcast of guests on the podcast. I don't know if you guys know this, but we also upload to YouTube, not necessarily in video format. Of course it shows up as a video format but it's not video feed of us and I don't't know. That might change over the summer. We as a multimedia studio here, the mythical family, has all of the equipment to do full video, um production and and casting. So that might change over the summer, who knows, might be an option, but for right now, tik TOK, is it? So go over there and follow us and share Comment over there. I really want to read your guys' comments over there because as soon as I reach a certain threshold, I think I can go live and I can interact with you guys far easier over there on live than I can on Instagram lives. So the faster that we level up in people following us and level up I'm talking about a game the faster that we level up in people following us and level up I'm talking about a game. The faster that we accrue followers on TikTok, the faster than I can unlock fun things to do with you guys and be able to interact with you a lot more. So that is the news.

Speaker 1:

Now let's get on with the actual good stuff of our crystal. What deck is this? What am I looking at? Um, this is the tarot. That's divination, all right. So let's look at our crystal Whoa Of the week and just about had three of them jumping out of my hand there and let's see what our prescription for this week is. Man, I'm telling you, like, if it's a baseball bat in the form of a crystal, I will not be surprised.

Speaker 1:

Okay, I don't know, akate, what do you got dynamic? So, vanadonite, this is absolutely gorgeous, interesting, and there's a snake coiled around it and a moon symbol. Actually, can't plan this stuff. I tried, all right. So, vanadonite, let's see what this has to say. Here I have vanadonite at home. It's not a very common crystal. This probably isn't one that's going to be like your pocket crystal kind of thing, but if you happen to have some, it is beautiful. So this is action, energy and creativity. So have you been putting off pursuing your goals?

Speaker 1:

When this card appears, it signals a time of forward movement in your life. The sinuous snake symbolizes transformation and renewal, while fiery vanadonite radiates energy to propel you forward. The snake's presence urges you to shed old patterns and welcome change. I'm telling you I really have to start doing this on camera, because I literally shuffle the deck and raw pull these as we're doing. This Could not be more irrelevant, right? Well, vanna tonight transforms your thought process, breaking down old ways of thinking so you can have the right mindset to achieve your goals. Tap into your willpower and courage so you can navigate challenges and take positive momentum towards your goals. Stay dynamic, adaptable and start taking action in pursuit of your highest potential. Unbelievable Epic poll, absolutely epic poll. Okay, divination, let's do this. Let's see what our divination and guidance is. This week you came flying out of there.

Speaker 1:

Hmm, the ace of cups, blue tiger's eye how interesting. Through the major arcana new love, compassion and happiness. So, blue tiger's eye, it also signifies love, new relationships and truth. This card shows that love, compassion and creativity are flowing through you. This is the time to open your heart and be vulnerable. What was I saying about that whole radical acceptance thing and radical compassion? Let your creativity run wild and shine through your endeavors. I'm telling you, the shop is staring at me right now. So hard it's not even funny.

Speaker 1:

So the Ace of Cups, so Blue Tiger's Eye and Vanadonite. Again, vanadonite is not necessarily a common stone, but it is a beautiful one. You can also, let's see, vanadonite is kind of a reddish, pearly, rust kind of color. It is a really pretty stone, um cubic facets and things like that. You can also kind of invoke that presence or that mindset, that energy, with candle work, with color work, with meditation, so you can look up images of vanadonite, the stone itself, and kind of settle into that energy and that wavelength.

Speaker 1:

If all of that is really woo woo for you and you're not feeling the meditation or the crystal work, that is a okay. You can simply think about the facets and the aspects that were brought up and how do those apply to your skill sets? How do those apply to empowering you this week as you sip on your either homemade or store-bought cherry, cold foam mocha or chai latte and enjoy your week fully and completely. So there's a bunch of options there. You can take what works for you and leave the rest. But if this episode has helped you feel seen, here's how you can keep the magic going.

Speaker 1:

Please follow us on TikTok at the ritual nurse. This is baby fresh, like I'm following myself. Okay, it's raw, it's real. It's going to be sacred chaos, and I'd really love for you to be part of it from the start. Tell your people about the podcast, share it. Share the link to your group chat your favorite preceptor, your burnout buddy, your coworker who never takes their break and desperately needs a damn latte in a moment.

Speaker 1:

We're building something here. This isn't just content. This is a movement. We're building community, we're building strength. There's so much more that I have planned in store for you guys, and I just I can't wait to see it ramp up. I can't wait to see where we end up with this as we continue to grow. But there's a couple things that I want you to remember. You are not your exhaustion, you are not your charting, you are not your trauma. You are sacred. You are also human and you deserve to feel better than barely functioning. I want you to stay hydrated. I want you to protect that peace and put yourself first. I will see you in two weeks and I love your faces. This is your Ritual Nurse Reva. Thanks for tuning in to the Ritual Nurse Podcast. You can find us wherever you listen to podcasts, so don't forget to subscribe and stay connected For all our social links, free education classes, blogs and podcast notes with resources head over to tcthorg. Until next time, love your faces.