Solomon’s Marriage Secrets: Covenant, Community, Covering

We unpack Solomon’s wedding procession in Song of Songs to show why marriages thrive when they are sacred, safe, and supported. We share practical steps for building covenant commitment, choosing wise friends, and seeking family and church covering.

• Song of Songs as a real love story, not allegory
• Dating and courtship scenes leading to the wedding
• The wedding procession and its worship imagery
• Marriage as covenant aimed at holiness
• Permanency, divorce allowances, and hard questions
• Covenant marriage laws and preparation
• Choosing safe, wise community for counsel
• Daughters of Jerusalem as healthy peer voices
• Family and church as covering and public blessing
• Three essentials: sacred covenant, safe community, supportive covering

If you found any of what you heard today helpful, please share it with others who may benefit
And if you would like to support the content that we put out, please consider making a donation at reallifeministry.us
While you're there, check out some of our episodes
And together, let's continue to educate and encourage Christians to live free and live strong

Transcript

Setting The Stage: Love And Song

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Real Life Ministry, where we are dedicated to teaching and encouraging Christians to live free and live strong. Your host today is Ryan Rice, a Bible teacher, a pastor, entrepreneur, and a writer. Join us as we dive into various topics and how they relate to faith, values, and making a positive impact in America. Let's dive into it.

SPEAKER_01 0:32

Welcome back to another episode of Real Life Ministry. It is Ryan in the studio, and here we go.

Introducing Song Of Songs

SPEAKER_01 0:39

We are talking about real love, marriage, all that good stuff. We're talking about Song of Songs, a 3,000-year-old book. It is so good, written by King Solomon. His name is mentioned like seven different times in the book. It it shows his journey all throughout Israel, kind of revealing this is a unified Israel, and it's, you know, King Solomon, the wealthiest and the wisest guy. And you might be thinking, isn't this guy like a playboy or something? Like, didn't he have like thousands of wives or whatever? Well, yes, he had a royal just screw-up at the tail end of his life in his reign. The guy reigns, though, for 40 years. He's like the wealthiest and the wisest. He is King David's son. His mom is Bathsheba, which is another story and scandal of grace. But it's this unbelievable love story of Solomon early in his reign when he's not all screwed up and messed up. He falls in love with this country girl, and then he marries this girl. And I'll tell you, you know, uh there's plenty of Bible preacher teachers out there that hold to the perspective I do. I see it not as like allegory, as some kind of uh mysterious uh storyline between Christ and and the church. I I see it as a literal uh wisdom literature unfolding a narrative story of Solomon. I mean, his name is again is mentioned all throughout the book. Um it is poetic for sure. Uh it is clearly though, it is the song of songs. It's like the best of the best, the greatest hits. It indicates that this is kind of Solomon's best kind of uh poetic work. He wrote a thousand five musical works, and so this is in his mind the best. And his name is mentioned in the book chapter one, chapter uh twice, and chapter three, uh multiple times, chapter eight as well. And so it's really cool. His wedding is mentioned here, and so what we're gonna do in this con in this little podcast is um I'm gonna just unpack to you like three things every marriage needs. But I was gonna tell you the book that I really like, the Bible commentator preacher, is uh that on this work is John MacArthur. I think he did a great job. So I'm holding in my hands one of his study Bibles, the great late John MacArthur. He did a good job with that. So there's pl plenty of other guys that hold to the same perspective and teaching that I do on this book, guys like Matt Chandler, Mark Driscoll, Skip Heitzig, most of your Calvary Chapel guys,

Dating, Courtship, And The Wedding

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in fact. So, anyway, that's just to name a few. Charles Swindah, um, I don't know. There's a bunch Dallas Seminary guys, too. Tommy Nelson, on and on and on. So good stuff. So here's what I just want to talk about. Like, I'm gonna I'll tell you what I'm gonna do. I'm gonna read to you. And and I said one time that the ESV didn't do as good a job on the Song of Songs, and I do think the NIV might have done a little better in the in kind of the uh translation work of the 3,000-year-old Hebrew text. But I do think um I'm holding in my hands, um Song of Solomon, uh, or Song of Songs, you can say it any way you want. Um, depends on which Bible you're holding. An ESV MacArthur study bible, which is really interesting. And um, and because I think he does a lot of his work in NASB, or he did. Um, but you can get the study Bible, I believe, the MacArthur Study Bible in ESV or NASB. I think those are probably the only two. Well, so let me read to you, though, this uh Solomon's arrival in the wedding. So in in kind of chapter one, just to kind of set the scene, again, this is Solomon writing his um love story with his bride. And so chapter one, the bride confesses her love. And I've taught through this before. There's five different attractions you'll see there. It's like physical, emotional, spiritual, uh, relational, and recreational is what I call it. And they're just they're just attracted to one another and sharing that. And Solomon and his bride just delight in each other, and so you see that all through chapter one, and that's really cool. And then um, chapter two as well. You see just she's adoring him. This is like in their dating and their courtship years, it's really cool, and um so chapter one through three is about dating and courtship, it's kind of they're beginning the leaving uh from their parents, and then they go in and chapter three, specifically verse six, is the wedding, and this is the new beginning of a cleaving. It is coming together, and it's this unbelievable scene in chapter three, verse six, it's this major section portraying like King actually coming for his bride and their return to Jerusalem. So um you'll see the there's this wedding description, and then chapter four, kind of one through seven, the it's that's uh the PG 13. That is the consummation of the marriage. And so chapter three, verse six through eleven. I'm gonna just read it to you, and then I'm gonna walk through three things marriage needs. And so this is like podcast commentary on song of songs. And again, I'm writing a book. I don't know if I made mention of that earlier. Uh, it's gonna be 75,000 words, hundreds of footnotes. Um, it's gonna be good. Yeah, I'm very proud of it, and I'm gonna tell a lot of love stories in there myself, personal love stories, and um walk through the Song of Songs, unfold the Solomon's secrets of love, marriage, dating, um, sex, and

Reading The Wedding Procession

SPEAKER_01 7:47

more. So Solomon arrives for the wedding. Verse six, what is that coming from the wilderness like columns of smoke perfumed with myrrh and frankincense with all the fragrant powders of a merchant? Behold it is the litter of Solomon, around it are sixty men, some of the mighty men of Israel, all of them wearing swords and expert in war. Each with his sword at his thigh against against terror by night, King Solomon made himself a carriage from the wood of Lebanon. He made its post of silver, its back of gold, its seat of purple, its interior interior was inlaid with love by the daughters of Jerusalem, which is really cool. And then it says verse 11, closing out, go out, O daughters of Zion, and look upon King Solomon with the crown with which his mother crowned him, Bathsheba, on the day of his wedding and on the day of the gladness of his heart. So dun dun dun dun. That's cool, man. I mean, so it's like a wedding is mentioned there. Um, I mean, the whole thing, it's like this procession, these 60 warriors, and

Marriage Needs A Sacred Covenant

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so anyway. I'm gonna pull out of the text kind of three things I think that every marriage needs. And number one, there needs to be this sense of a sacredness, like a covenant. Um, you see this, like this kind of imagery is intentional. Like there's this column of smoke, there's this myrrh, this incense. This is like worship language. It echoes this temple imagery, like prayers rising up before God. Their marriage procession rises like worship, because marriage is like sacred. Marriage isn't just a relationship you enjoy, it's a covenant that you have before God. That's why in Ephesians chapter 5, verse 31 through 32, it says that for this reason, a man will leave his father and his mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh. This is a profound mystery. And I'm talking about Christ and the church. And so what we see here is that marriage is not just merely horizontal, it is vertical. Like there's this mystery in the marriage connected to Christ. And so, what does that mean? It reflects like your marriage is a not just a contract or a commitment, it's a covenant. And it reflects the covenant that Christ has for his church. Uh, Gary Thomas famously said, marriage is not primarily designed to make you happy, but it's designed to make you holy. Not miserable, not joyless, but holy. So marriage is not supposed to like ruin your life or wreck your life. It's just supposed to make your life more godly. Like, if you can find guys, listen, if you can find a girl that's gonna help you grow in your faith, like your love and commitment to Jesus Christ and the Word of God, then go chase her. I said this to the guys the other day. If if you're not chasing God, don't chase a girl. Or I said, if you're not following the Lord, then what makes you think she should follow you? Because like put Christ at the center, man. Tim Keller um he added something very powerful. Keller explains that you know modern culture treats marriage like a consumer contract. It's like I'll stay with you as long as you meet my needs. Okay. Well, how subjective and wussy is that? Like, what? Like I'll stay with you as long as you meet my needs. So when she doesn't meet your needs, or when he doesn't meet your needs anymore, all of a sudden you're out. Like, that's not covenant. That's like some kind of weird agreement. It's not fifty-fifty either, it's a hundred a hundred. You gotta go one hundred. So you you you you know, uh culture will be like, oh, I'll stay as long as I feel feel fulfilled. Like, as long as I feel like you're loving me, then I'll stay. But no, that's not it's not how it works. Like marriage is designed to be permanent. The permanency of marriage is a big deal. I mean you know, Jesus said uh let no man separate. Like he spoke about the permanency of marriage. Let me just pull that up real quick. Jesus on the permanency of marriage. I'll pull up like a bunch of Bible verse. Yeah, I mean, he reinforces the Genesis account for sure. Um and yeah, key sayings, and so you know, I mean, yeah, so they're no longer two but one flesh, therefore, what God has joined together, let no man separate. That's in Mark chapter 10, Matthew chapter 19. Divorce was permitted by Moses only because of hardened hearts, not as God's original design. So, yeah, is there a biblical legitimacy for divorce? This is another podcast for another day, but yeah, I should talk, I should do that. Um I would say yeah, under a couple of different things. One is abandonment, the other one is um oh, jeez, what was it? Uh one is abandonment, like the the husband or the wife just abandons the other one. It's clearly adultery. There you go. And you could argue, like, what is abandonment? You know, like if the husband's abusive, like, well, it seems like he's abandoned his role as a as a husband. So anyway, um, that's another conversation and another lesson. Um, another podcast we'll do. But marriage is intended to be permanent. Yes, is there legitimate reasons for divorce? Yes, but it it's a covenant commitment that you just work it out. So we're gonna stay on that theme. So staying in it, a covenant is not like a contract. A covenant is I stay because I made a promise before God, I stay because my love reflects Christ's love. Jesus didn't love the church. Let me let's just work this through. Jesus didn't love the church when when like it was easy. Like he didn't look down and be like, okay, I love you, church, when you're good. That that day no, no, no. Oh man. I mean, think about all the craziness you see in churches. Yeah, the Christ died for the church. That's what the scripture tells us. I mean, that's what Paul says. Love your brides as Christ loved the church. When Jesus went to the cross, he died for his bride. So Jesus models covenant, right? He dies when we're not easy. He loved us when we're broken and unfaithful when we were needy and self-centered and still are. And so marriage reflects the gospel. And the goal isn't simply happiness, but it's holiness. So you don't learn you don't learn patience and ease, you learn it in friction. You don't learn forgiveness with an offense. Like somebody offends you, then you forgive. You you learn the gospel in the hurt, in the hard. Does that make sense? Like, this is the thing about Leslie and I, we're like, we're we're we're talking about this. Like, if if you can go listen to uh one of the episodes, I think it's gonna be three things uh every marriage needs. You can go to northvalley.org and listen to the sermon or watch watch the uh service. But the thing is that we're we talk about all the time is that like actually in hardship, it's actually an awesome pathway to holiness, and holiness always leads to come on some happiness. So, I mean, I'll say that again. We grow stronger in difficulty because we lean into God, and with the closer you get to God in your relationship, the closer you get to one another, and then when you get close to one another in a hardship, you grow on your holiness, and your holiness leads to happiness. So there you have it. So I've it's it's you kind of got to reframe this whole thing. So, like, again, she's not designed there just to make you happy in life. But don't get me wrong, she's good, like it's not good for man to be alone, but like she's there to help you grow in your faith and your commitment and glorify God, and so is He is there for you to do the same. Um, you're there to to play that role, to love your bride and to stay committed. It's sacred work. Marriage is sacred, it's not disposable. Feelings don't outrank covenant. Like a sacred covenant deserves this wise surrounding. And so that leads to like the second point. So the second point is like verse seven tells talks about like it's

Permanency, Divorce, And Hard Questions

SPEAKER_01 18:11

Solomon's carriage, escorted by 60 warriors, prepared for the terrors of the night. So, like, I'm transitioning, right? First, number one, I said like there needs to be this sense of sacredness in marriage. What does marriage need? It needs a sacred covenant, and let me just go back there just for a minute, and I spent a lot of time there. Um, but they actually have this thing called marriage covenant, and um that's what Leslie and I did. We actually did a marriage covenant, it's really kind of cool. Um, and it just means like you can't get a divorce. I I don't know, I'm gonna ask how many states have it's a literal thing. How many how many uh states uh states in the US have uh I think it's called covenant marriage? I think it was only like three when we got married, and that was like twenty-three years ago. Uh three states have covenant marriage laws. What? Are you kidding? I'm sorry, I just spiked the audio. I thought it was a lot more. Oh my gosh. Well, this is kind of cool though. It's Arkansas, Arizona, and Louisiana. Yes, only three states offer covenant marriage operations. Dang. Wow. So, all right. Well, let me explain what it is. And uh I'll I'll like get you some nerd nuggets. Covenant marriage is legally recognized, stricter form of marriage where the couples agree to limited divorce grounds and extra preparation. It requires premar premarital counseling and signing a special covenant of declaration. Divorces only allowed for specific causes. Adultery, abuse, abandonment. See? That's what I I'm oh my gosh. I mean, this is a great, I mean, exactly, depending on the state, you know. Um a lot of A's, adultery, abuse, abandonment.

unknown 20:30

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

I think there's fair grounds for that. I would argue that if you I mean, Paul speaks to the abandonment issue, Jesus spoke to the adultery issue. So and the abuse, I think that's a form of abandonment in some ways. So couples, yeah, in order to get a divorce, couples must seek counseling before filing for divorce or separation. I mean, why not? Why not? Okay, so that's covenant. Um, I think that's really cool. Well, I'm really pumped about actually finding that out about the clarity on that. I thought it was kind of special. Arkansas and Arizona have done some cool things. I mean, they also did the uh I uh I, you know, the uh tax credit for for the uh uh educational uh credit. And I think it's Arkansas, Arizona, Florida, to give you an opt-out of the public school system and pay for pay for education how parents felt feel fit. I think that's really cool, too. Okay, so kind of moving on here. I'm not gonna spend a ton of time, but back to verse seven talks about look, it's Solomon's carriage escorted by 60 warriors prepared for the terrors of the night. What he's talking about there is these mighty men that are like escorts, elites, they're chosen bodyguards. Um he's a king, and this is his wedding day. He's like rolling in to Jerusalem, and he's protected, man. And this just shows the importance of having safe people in your life. I mean, it's kind of an analogy here, but I I like it. And so what does every marriage need? It needs a safe community of people, and she has safe people too. I mean, you think of the daughters of Jerusalem are mentioned over and over again. Excuse me. And they're like they're like encouraging her, they're telling her not to kind of move too fast, do not arouse or awaken love until it so desires. And it's just cool. And so you need a safe community of people. You need safe people to confide in and to seek counsel from. And so I think these warriors are like perhaps like left like veterans from the royal guard of King David. Because you remember, Solomon became king when David died. And so it wouldn't, it's not like all the guys just resigned. Oftentimes they would go into you know the new

Covenant Marriage Laws And Preparation

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king's, you know, uh plans and purposes and order. So, anyway, here's what you got. You've got um these guys surrounding this in the passage, it's 60 warriors, and that's a lot. Um, they are obviously some kind of royal guard. Yeah, they're mentioned in 2 Samuel 23 and 2 Chronicles 11 as well. So really kind of cool. And what a word for marriages today. Like you need wise, safe people in your life. You know, you want to have people you can trust and lean on and and listen to, and and you want to move towards those kind of people. The Bible says that walk with the wise and become wise, for a companion of fools suffers harm. And there's like truth to that. There's like, I've again I've said it so many times, but you've heard you've heard people say this, right? Show me your friends and I'll show you your future. And I said, like, show me your friends and I'll show you your faith. Because Proverbs said, like, walk with the wise, you will be wise. Um, or you've heard that passage of scripture where you know, bad company corrupts good morals. So it's like the Bible's just loaded with that. So you need safe people in your life. These could be friends, these could be family members, these could be like counselors, pastors, people. I I don't know, like people that are safe. And like, so what are safe people? Well, they'll they'll strengthen your vows in your marriage, they'll encourage transparency, they'll tell you the truth, they'll ask hard questions, like they'll keep a secret. Like the safe people, like so do relationship with safe people in your marriage. So, what is a marriage needs? It needs a sacred covenant and it needs a safe community. It needs a safe community of people to do life with. So you want to do life with wise people, not foolish or evil people. Foolish people, they don't care about truth, they're always defensive, they make excuses, they repeat the same patterns, they're like dogs returning to their vomit. They may apologize, but they don't adjust. They may, they may have regret, but they don't do repentance. And so you don't want to hang out with foolish people, you don't want to hang out with evil people, you want to hang out with wise people, you want to hang out with safe people, not unsafe people, reckless people. And so, yeah, it's kind of cool. I I just am proud of like I'm just like proud of the word of God. Like, I mean, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know what I don't know how to explain that, but it's like I just have this sense of like just joy and admiration to show off the word of God, if that makes sense. Like, even in a 3,000-year-old book, like you're pulling out like all this cool truth. Like, how amazing is that? Imagine being

Marriage Needs A Safe Community

SPEAKER_01 26:46

part of the 60 warriors with King David, like the mighty men, and then following in this honoring in this ceremony with like King Solomon. Pretty cool. So they're there at the wedding day, like, and that just again shows like there's a bunch of people there. So there's my testimony to you, my declaration to you is like make your wedding public, make it special, make it sacred, make it big, like get people there. Like you want a blessing in that, and so that comes to the third point, and it is this in verse 11. It says, Look, King Solomon's wearing the crown, the crown that which his mother crowned him on the day of his wedding. So, like, who's his mama? His mama's Bathsheba. Who's Bathsheba? Bathsheba was the girl that King David, Solomon's dad, hooked up with and shacked up with, had an affair with, and then had Bathsheba's husband put to death or killed in the line of duty. Uriah. And so it was like crazy messiness, but that's Bathsheba. They repent, they get right, they have a child, his name is Solomon, and Bathsheba's here in Song of Songs, chapter three, verse eleven. The crown. So what's going on? What she's doing is she's affirming the legitimacy of his reign. King David is dead, but Solomon is king. This is continuation, this is commitment, this is covering. This is blessing. So he is crowned by his mother. This is family blessing made visible. Marriage was never meant to be isolated, it's to be celebrated, championed. It's meant to be supported, strengthened, covered. And and you gotta find this with family members or church or support to strengthen the marriage. Like you want that covering, you want that blessing. You know, I mean, and some of you don't have a good mom or dad or something. Well, you you don't get to escape Exodus 2012. Honor your father and mother. It's one of the top ten, dude. So I'm just telling you, it means valuing wisdom, receiving counsel, respecting heritage. Proverbs 1.8 says, listen to your father's instruction. They are a garland of grace to your head, a garland, a crown. That that's generational wisdom becomes a covering. And when a biological family is absent, it's a bummer. Or a biological family has abandoned you. You know, I get it. It's terrible. But guess what? You do have you still got a spiritual family, man. You still got people in your life. Hebrews 10, 24 through 25 says, let us consider how we can spur one another on towards love and good deeds, encourage one another. Mother, marriage thrives in the encouragement. In a city like Phoenix, too, like fifth largest city in America, and growing strong. Many people are come far, far away and move here, and you know, um they they need like an extended family. Like the church becomes a supportive covering for many people. Older couples can strengthen the younger couples, community groups. Um they become like a family extension, and then there's prayer that surrounds these seasons of people's lives in the church, is really cool. And strong marriages don't just need chemistry, they need a covering, they need a community of people, and God's designed, you know, family and church to support and strengthen marriages, man. So, anyway, good stuff here. So that's it, man. I mean, here so here's what you see. You see, you know, God gives you the blueprint. Three things every marriage needs. It needs a sacred covenant. So sacred covenant, the goal isn't, remember, the goal isn't simply happiness, it's holiness. That's number one. Number two, it needs

Wise Friends, Counsel, And Accountability

SPEAKER_01 31:40

a safe community. It needs safe people, right? Your marriage needs this, your your husband needs this, your wife needs this constantly, continually. Like, don't give up, don't let up. She'll have her friends, you can have your friends, then you guys can have y'all's friends. But you need a safe community, safe people to confide in and to seek counsel from. Like find those people, safe community, safe people, not unsafe. And then thirdly, you need a supportive covering, a family or a church family to support and strengthen you. It's really cool. Sacred, safe, supported. Amen. Amen. All right, bless you guys. We'll see you next time.

SPEAKER_00 32:30

Thank you for listening to Real Life Ministry. If you found any of what you heard today helpful, please share it with others who may benefit. And if you would like to support the content that we put out, please consider making a donation at reallifeministry.us. While you're there, check out some of our episodes. And together, let's continue to educate and encourage Christians to live free and live strong.