Love and Protect Series: Love Means Acting In Her Best Interest

We challenge men to define love by sacrifice and action rather than mood, then measure leadership by how closely it looks like Jesus. We trace a biblical vision of marriage where isolation breeds selfishness and honoring God’s daughter turns “me” into “we.”
• upcoming Think Biblical About The Geopolitical event details and registration
• why the “better man” series starts with love
• love as covenant commitment that outlasts feelings
• desire as good but never the foundation
• a working definition of love as acting in another’s best interest
• Jesus as the model for sacrificial love and leadership
• why God defines what is truly in her best interest
• marriage as dying to self that leads to joy
• Genesis 2 and the purpose of partnership
• isolation as a pathway to selfishness and foolishness
• wife as companion and friend rather than roommate
• wife as helper who complements weaknesses
• wife as co-heir who deserves honor and understanding
• male headship as responsibility and the authority to serve
• fruit of loving leadership: care, security, Christ-centered hope
If you found any of what you heard today helpful, please share it with others who may benefit.
And if you would like to support the content that we put out, please consider making a donation at reallifeministry.us.
While you're there, check out some of our episodes.
And together, let's continue to educate and encourage Christians to live free and live strong.

Transcript

Welcome And Manhood Series

SPEAKER_00 0:02

Welcome to Real Life Ministry, where we are dedicated to teaching and encouraging Christians to live free and live strong. Your host today is Ryan Rice, a Bible teacher, a pastor, entrepreneur, and a writer. Join us as we dive into various topics and how they relate to faith, values, and making a positive impact in America. Let's dive into it.

Think Biblical Geopolitics Event

Protecting Relationship And The Love Question

Duty Versus Desire In Marriage

Love As Acting For Her Good

Sacrifice And God Defines The Good

Creation Order And The Danger Of Isolation

Partner As Companion Helper Co-Heir

Honor Her And Closing Requests

SPEAKER_01 0:32

All right, guys, welcome back to another episode of Real Life Ministry. I'll be your host, Ryan Rice in the studio with the dogs in the background. Got my bird dogs. So, anyway, welcome to the episode. We're talking about manhood stuff for the next four to six weeks. So, ladies, if you want to learn some secrets about manhood and what it looks like and what kind of man you should be looking for, you can listen in. Fellas, it's going to strengthen you, uh help you, sharpen you. We're going to be looking at all sorts of good stuff. So I'll tell you more in a minute. But let me do this introduction and tell you about a couple things that are coming up. There's a think biblical about the geopolitical event. Good grief. That's happy. Um event I'm doing is for equipping believers to put the Bible first in matters of Israel, Iran, and America's future. It's grounded in scripture, not headlines. It's a call to clarity in a world of confusion and political chaos. Christians need clarity. This is an event of not about partisan talking points. It's about eternal truth of God's word applied to the complex geopolitical moment we are in. Pastor Daryl Del Hussey will be there. He's Chancellor of Phoenix Seminary, Pastor Emeritus Scottsdale Bible, over 50 years of pastoral ministry, and a renowned pastor theologian, author dedicated to um, and pastor dedicated to Bible exposition. Then we're gonna have Lieutenant Colonel Alan West. Uh he'll be there, combat veteran, Christian, constitutional, conservative, served 22 years in the U.S. Army, represented Florida's 22nd district in Congress. He is a Republican U.S. Congressman from Texas. And then, of course, I'll be there, lead pastor, founding pastor of North Valley, and wrote a book called Think Biblical About the Geopolitical. So I'm hoping to have those, all those advanced copies there. Pre-order link should be up. You can check that out at uh reallife ministry.us. You can register for free, invite a friend, and hopefully I'll be able to hand you a book. And we'll have a great time together. We're gonna have some time of worship. Uh, we'll have three keynote speakers, breaks in between, an extended panel discussion, and then out of there before noon. So Saturday, May 2nd. Mark your calendars. Hope that you join us. We'll see ya. All right. Enjoy the episode. All right, guys. Welcome back to another episode of Real Life Ministry in the studio today. And coming at you. We're doing a I don't know, four to six week study on uh what it looks like to grow in biblical masculinity. And we're gonna be looking at a number of different topics. Uh, the mandate to modern manhood, living brave, bearing fruit, blessing others. We're gonna look at winning the war of fighting temptation and sin. We're gonna also look at the call of a man to love and protect God's woman. Oh man. I can remember early on in our dating relationship, uh Leslie looked up to me and um loved me that I would scare off the other guys when she was being pursued during our dating relationship. I had to protect the relationship and make it abundantly clear. I had several sit-down conversations with some bonehead buddies that just kept thinking it was cool if they would realize, you know, if they would just be a little extra friendly to Leslie. So obviously these weren't my good, good buddies, but these were buddies that they knew that we weren't serious, serious, and so they kind of kept making their presence known, and finally I had some sit-downs and said, get back, get out of here. And uh come to find out, Leslie kind of like that. So today we're talking about love. Greatest thing Jesus said, the greatest commandment, love God, love neighbor. Jesus said this a new commandment I give you love one another. Let me ask you a question. Do you love your wife? Do you love your girlfriend? Did you know that God has called us to love his woman? Love is is the question and the question comes, is love a duty? And there's big debate about all this stuff. Like, do you do you just love God? Do you just love God in a duty is like a like a duty, it's like an obligation? Or do you love your spouse with just a commitment and duty? I think you do. I think you make a commitment and you keep it. And there is duty to that. You think about how my grandfather in the um he he loved my grandmother even when she was in a wheelchair. He cared for her, nurtured her, loved her, caressed her, shopped for her, cooked for her. Why? Duty. Was there desire? I'm sure there was, but desire comes and goes. Feelings come and go. So is love a duty? Yeah. It's like keeping your commitment. It's saying, I do till death do us part. It's like a covenant is what it should be. Apostle Paul says to the church in Ephesus, Ephesians 5 25, Husbands, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So is loving God's woman a duty like being called up for military service or a task handed down to you by your boss? Um Yes. But it's a lot more than that. Is there's desire too? So the question comes, well, is it is love just a desire? Yes, you should desire God's woman. There should be passionate drive and energy. It's never merely a duty to be her husband. That is desire the key. And the answer is no. While desire for your wife is a good thing. Is love the same as wanting her? Couldn't you want her for all the wrong reasons? You think about Jim Morrison and his song Come On Baby, Light My Fire, it's like your desire matters, but it's not the foundation of your relationship. So if love is not merely a duty or simply a desire, the question is, what is it? A working definition of love is acting in another's best interest. Teacher, Jesus said it like this, teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law, and he said to him, Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, and mind. And this is the great and first commandment. The second is like it, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. So the key to loving someone well is wanting the best for them. And so this raises three different questions. Number one, what does acting in another's best interest really look like? Well, consider what the Apostle Paul says in Ephesians 5, 28 and 29, in the same way, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh. What is Paul saying here? Paul is rightly assuming that men will look out for their best interest. We intuitively know this and see this all around us. Though it's natural and often appropriate to act in our self-interest, the gospel teaches us that Christ is our model. Husbands love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. So here it is. King Jesus gave himself up for his bride, that is the church. He is our standard men regarding acting in the best interest of another. So again, to answer the question, is love just duty or just desire? Um, no. But it's acting in the interest of one another. Sometimes you're propelled to serve your spouse out of desire. Sometimes you're propelled out of your commitment. So Jesus didn't he didn't love going to the cross, but he goes to the cross. Why? Because of duty and commitment. But what was his desire, the joy that was set before him, and he endured the cross. So again, it's about putting others in front of yourself, and that is godly and good. Jesus said this, this is my commandment that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, that someone lay down his life for his friends. Love is about sacrifice, oftentimes. It's about putting others in front of you. I'm thinking that of such a literal example we've baptized over the Easter weekend, the Resurrection Sunday, Good Friday, um, and Easter Sunday, resurrection day. We baptized a gal named Aaron. And if you check out North Valley's Instagram, you might see some photos, and you would see a man pushing Aaron, and that man is a great example of sacrificial service. Literally, he is wheeling in front of him his spouse, who is a quadra pelegic. Man, I don't even know all of her story, but I do know this. That man has been wheeling her into our church for a very long time. And she just got baptized. I think it's a great picture of love. Simply put, love means sacrifice. Whoever desires best interest of God's woman, well, she is God's woman when he designed and created her. The Bible says in Genesis 2, and the rib of the Lord God had taken from the man, he made into a woman and brought her to the man. And therefore, God defines what is in her best interest, not he, her, and not the culture. God defines what's in the best interest. And so the question comes is how do we love God's woman? Um that is the point of the entire better man defined that we're going to be going through. This better man little podcast series. Uh, so buckle up and let's go. Here, here's what you need to know. Remember, if we don't know what love is, then we will never be able to give it to God's woman. Um, love is about, again, we'll work with this definition. Love is acting in another's best interest. I think that's a good working definition based on what Jesus taught. And so remember, if we don't know what love is, then we'll never be able to give it. So a question you men could ask your spouse or your fiance is how can I better love you? How can I put your interest in front of mine? And man, I think this is just so cool. We'll get to this later in the program, but I think the idea of understanding that men, your vision for model for leadership is Jesus. And and then ladies, their model for their role within the marriage as a good godly wife is the Holy Spirit. And so men, listen, marriage is a call to die to self. Christian marriages vows are the inception of a lifelong practice. It is of death giving over not only all that you have and all that you are, it's not some grim call to the gallows. Nah, not at all. But it is following Christ and living for him. And so I am just like, wow. I d I I I think of the starting race. It is Kent Hughes said it like this. I'll I'll just say, marriage is a call to die. Christian marriages vows are the inception of a lifelong practice of giving death, giving over not only all that you have, but all that you are. Is this a grim gallows call? Not at all. It is more grim than dying to self and following Christ. In fact, those who lovingly die for their spouses are those who know the most joy, having the most fulfilling marriages, and experience the most love. Okay, so we finally got there. I'm sorry, like it I like quoted half of that and then didn't finish it. But that last little phrase, listen to this. The most fulfilling marriages are basically those that give, or those who know the most joy, those who lovingly die for their spouses serve one another, are those who experience the most joy. That's really good. And I think that goes back to what Jesus said is more blessed to give than it is to receive. So the the uh the best love is about protecting God's woman. So to understand the importance and nature of all this, here's what you need to understand that it's a partnership. And with our wives, we must go back kind of to the creation order. So here's some big points to remember. Before man ever fell into sin, remember, he had a problem. We learned this in Genesis 2, and the Bible tells us that it was not good uh to be alone. And men sometimes love the idea of being alone, and I get it, like you want your man cave, you want your garage, but God's not designed man to be alone. In other words, he is by the most part uh designed for a spouse. Yes, there are some special exceptions with celibacy and where people are have that calling on their life, but if you have a desire for another woman, then probably God ain't called you to be, you know, celibate. So don't cop out. So man said God said it's not good for man to be alone. And there's actual dangers of that. Proverbs says, whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire, he breaks out against all sound judgment. Proverbs 18.1 teaches us that when we are isolated, we become selfish. And when you seek your own desire all the time, that's just not healthy. So if being isolated produces this selfishness, then we should be incredibly careful not to go at life all alone. So God's designed it where you're just better with your spouse, men. And so those of you that are single, like get married and make babies. Like, that's a good thing. So, what happens? What does the Bible tell us? We lack wisdom. He breaks out against all sound judgment. The book of Proverbs tells us that we lack wisdom, and the book of Proverbs is all about wisdom, and we learn from it, and listening from others is the pathway. The way of the fool is right in his own eyes, but a wise man's listens to advice. Proverbs 19 20, listen to advice and instruction that you may gain wisdom in the future. The Bible teaches us that isolation and selfishness breeds, listen, foolishness. So God, we have a problem. We need um we need uh a woman. God's designed us to be partnered to our spouse, and it is not good that we are alone and we need a spouse. So isolation breeds this selfishness and foolishness. I mean, you think about how you acted and lived, those of you guys that are married when you were single all the time. Like you just had too much time on your hands and it was all about you. But then you get married and you realize it's not all about you. Now the now, and talking about me, myself, and I, the me turns to we. So when somebody says, Hey, you want to go out and not do this and that, you know, the selfish guy won't even consult his wife all the time. He'll just say, Yeah, I'd love to do that. And sure, he's he's capable and confident, he can make his own decisions on his time and schedule. However, he needs to take into consideration her schedule and her life. And so the me should turn to we and say, Hey, uh, let me get back to you. I'm gonna check our schedule and I'll let you know. So there's just this need for a man to be with a woman, and God provides a solution for man's problem, and that is a partner. Genesis chapter two, verse eighteen. The Lord says, I will make him a helper that's fit for him. God's solution comes in the form of a partner, and this is a wife, this is not just some sex partner, uh, this is not some just random person. Um, the Bible describes Eve, that Adam took her as his wife in the first marriage, is right there. Formed in the book of Genesis. God makes woman to be man's partner. And so it's really cool this happens. And the Bible says as well that the Lord caused this deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept, he took one of his ribs up from and then fashioned a woman. And she's a gift. Um she's a gift to mankind, and to reject it is to reject God's design. So something to think about. Here's another big idea. God is not only giving you insights to understand that you need a partner in life, but you need to see her as a provision, as a partner. And as a partner, she is number one, she's like a companion or a friend. Number two, she is to complement your weaknesses. And three, you need to see her as a co-heirer. So this is this is the best part. Number one, she's a companion, meaning like she's your friend. Like you love to spend time with her. Some of you don't have a marriage relationship like that. Get back to that. I think that's so important. Um you think about what maybe drew you two together, what it was doing fun stuff, doing cool things. As your companion, this means that you do life together. You're friends, you're not just roommates. You plan time together, you make decisions together, you share your heart together. Ecclesiastes 4, 9 through 12 says, Two are better than one because they have a good reward for their toil. For if one if they will fall, one will lift them up. And again, if two lie together, they keep warm. And so there you go. And you you you need each other, and your friendship matters tremendously. In Song of Song, there's a phrase in there, you are my lover, you are my friend. And for Leslie and I, friendship and having fun is really just such a high priority to make our relationship work well. We plan things together that we both enjoy. We do things that we both enjoy, and we work at it. We plan and we plan and we execute and we execute, and it works. We plan weekly, we plan daily, we plan monthly, we plan quarterly, we plan annually, and you think, dude, this is so much. Well, if you care a lot about each other and you want to build your marriage up, you got to put time into it. So anything of value takes hard work. And you're like, it takes hard work to be a friend. Well, to get quality time and have an adventure and do something meaningful, yeah, does. So here's the second thing is she's designed to be your compliment. Not like give you compliments, although those are nice. But her differences are complimentary, meaning God intends them to assist you. She is your helper. So just as the man, the husband, is to be like Christ and lay down his life for his bride, the bride is the the wife is to be like the helper, the Holy Spirit, who serves to amplify, lift up, champion the words of Christ. So is the wife to support, encourage, bring counsel, maybe even conviction and wisdom to her man. There's some really good parallels in that. And so a descriptor for the Holy Spirit in the Bible is the helper, and a descriptor for the wife is the helper. The Hebrew word for helper is easier to use in the Old Testament nineteen times. Sixteen of those are used in the reference to God. It speaks of a it it never speaks of some kind of second class person, but rather one who's able to come alongside you. So she's not only to be your companion, she's also to be your compliment. And so that's important. Here's the third thing. As your partner, she is like your co-heir. So 1 Peter 3:7 says, likewise, uh live with your wives in an understanding way, honor, um, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are errors with you in the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. It's really interesting. So weaker vessel just means generally speaking, men are stronger than women. I mean, look at sports or look at the military or soldiers, it's just the way it is. But they are to be errors with you. So they're not less than you, errors with you. What does that mean? God has gifted you with his daughter and made her his heir. She is your king's King Jesus' princess. And every father king wants his daughter or princess treated with dignity and honor. And so you have the role and responsibility. Before she's your bride, she is also your sister in Christ. She is a daughter to the king, she is a princess, and so treat her like that. She's incredibly valuable, and you cannot accomplish the things God has called you to accomplish until you start loving her with a love that puts her interest even above your own. And so you have to ask the question, like, oh gosh, well, how does this play out in my career and calling and all that? We'll get to all that. But you need to understand that you are called to love this person, not as a subordinate, uh, but as a co-equal, different in value, uh, same in uh uh I'm sorry. Oh my gosh. Uh, same in value, different in role. You both have the same value to the Lord, but you have very different roles. And so your part of the partnership is to provide this loving leadership that God has assigned to you. As her partner, you are her compliment. You are loving leader who serves her. And God has given men a masculine mandate. Man is called to love and to protect the woman in his life. This is called male headship. Male headship should reflect godly leadership, something every man must live up to. Godly leadership is never portrayed in Scripture as a means of self-satisfaction or self-exaltation. Godly leadership is always other focused. For example, again, husbands are never commanded to rule over their wives, but actually simply to and solely to love them and love them as Christ loved the church. Godly leadership is more a responsibility than it is some kind of right. Godly leadership is the authority to serve. So here's the next point. When you fulfill your role as a godly leader, you bless and esteem your wife. When you when you fulfill your role as a godly leader, you bless and esteem your wife. So Tim Tim Keller said it like this to be highly esteemed by someone you highly esteem is the greatest thing in the world. Men, when she praises you, that is so encouraging and helpful. And when she loves on you and somebody and that you care for her and one another that just fills your wind in your sail, your loving sacrificial leadership will yield great fruit in her life. So the question comes or what are some of the fruits of loving leadership? Your your wife is provided for and cared for. We'll deal with that later in another podcast. So we'll talk about that. Your wife is protected and made secure. We'll talk about that later. Your wife is pointed to Christ in love and compassion. And then your wife is healed of wounds and given hope. So we've got a lot to unpack. When you realize that you have been blessed with a partner, you get to rejoice. I love what Adam says when God created Eve. Genesis writer records, the man said, This is at last bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of man. And then the Bible tells us, therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two will become one. Edda James said, At last my love has come along. My lonely days are over, and life is like a song. And some of you are like, Man, it's not a good song. It's a tough song. Well, here's what you're responsible for. You're responsible for you. You do the best you can to apply the truth that God has revealed to you through the word, through listening and learning from others, and put it into action and see that there'll be freedom and joy there. If you know the truth, the truth will set you free.

SPEAKER_00 33:34

Thank you for listening to Real Life Ministry. If you found any of what you heard today helpful, please share it with others who may benefit. And if you would like to support the content that we put out, please consider making a donation at reallifeministry.us. While you're there, check out some of our episodes. And together, let's continue to educate and encourage Christians to live free and live strong.