Girl Gang Podcast
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Girl Gang Podcast
Episode 5: Love Languages and Laughter on Valentine's Day
This episode dives into the rich history and evolving significance of Valentine's Day, highlighting personal anecdotes and the role of communication in relationships. We discuss love languages, expectations, and the importance of having honest conversations about how to celebrate love in various forms.
• Overview of Valentine's Day history and origins
• Sharing personal experiences with past Valentine's Days
• Emphasis on the importance of communication in relationships
• Discussion of love languages and their impact on romantic connections
• Reflection on modern Valentine's Day traditions and practices
• Encouragement to have discussions about expectations and celebrations with partners
We would love to hear what traditions you have for Valentine's Day or some of the best/worst experiences you've had with the holiday. Text us your story!
Hey everyone, welcome to Girl Gang Podcast. My name's Rachel, I'm Sarah.
Brandi:And I'm Brandi, and we're your hosts for this week's podcast.
Rachael:So this week we are talking about Valentine's Day because it's coming up soon, so we wanted to give you some insight about the holiday, maybe the history behind it, some statistics and some personal experiences that we've been through, to see how your Valentine's Day could probably turn out a little bit better this year compared to others. So, sarah, give us the details on how the holiday started, exactly how your Valentine's.
Sarah:Day could probably turn out a little bit better this year compared to others. So, sarah, give us the details on how the holiday started, exactly Valentine's Day. I mean, I think at some point in our lives we've all heard of St Valentine and we all know he had something to do with it. So we looked it up. The holiday is originally connected to a Roman festival of Lupercalia I'm probably mispronouncing that, but that's what it says. It was a fertility celebration dedicated to Faunus, the Roman god of agriculture. The festival included rituals to ward off evil spirits and encourage fertility and health. So the day's name came from St Valentine. He was aian martyr from the third century. Um, they banned marriage for young men. They yeah, they thought that unmarried men would make better soldiers. Oh, interesting thinking. Maybe they have nothing else. That's, like, you know, tied to them something else, yeah no royalties or anything.
Brandi:They're just loyal to the king or whatever.
Sarah:Exactly so. That was something that had passed. Valentin was a priest. He defied the order that was pronounced and secretly performed marriages, was it?
Brandi:Valentin or Valentine.
Sarah:I mean Valentine, valentin, I don't know. Valentin's Day, valentine You've been saying it wrong for a long time? If that's the case, well, because he was secretly performing these marriages, they ended up executing him. Oh, and it was most likely on February 14th. He was a martyr, Right. So we're kind of celebrating, you know his execution day, Cool. Rip that, Right. So we're kind of celebrating you know his execution day, Cool. Another story suggests that he was imprisoned for helping people get married instead of actually murdered on that day.
Brandi:So it's a long time ago, punished one way or another.
Rachael:Long time ago it's because of him Interesting that they didn't want them to marry, though, because now I feel like you know, a guy is stable if he's married.
Brandi:Quote, unquote, yeah but at the time, like the main thing men did was go to battle, like that's all they did, right, and I mean there's stories like fake factual that I mean they were. They would even like castrate men, oh yeah, in armies and stuff, just so they would not have loyalty to a family or feel like they were attached to something other than their ruler and their army. So that's historically something that has been around. So if they're not married, I think that's honestly less of a commitment than castrating.
Brandi:I would much rather just wait to get married than lose, you know, lose.
Sarah:Yeah, wait till we're done, you know fighting the war and then go settle down. So that's kind of where it started. Was the Christian influence.
Brandi:There were also stories too from that.
Sarah:People would find letters from Valentine in the Valentine Valentine can't say what his name is from the woman that he loved and he would write notes saying from your Valentine. So I think all of those stories kind of collected. People just started to keep up with this whole tradition of love. So by the Middle, Ages.
Brandi:Was it a tradition, though? Or was it just Hallmark being like, hey, we found this story Eventually, yes?
Sarah:eventually it definitely did. Around the 5th century there is a Pope, gelicis I replaced the Lupercalia and it was still a Christian feast dedicated to St Valentine, emphasizing love and devotion. By the Middle Ages there was a poet associated with Valentine's Day. The poet was named Geoffrey Chaucer no N there Chaucer.
Brandi:He has a 1382 poem Parliament of Fowls which I do remember reading, as that sounds super romantic.
Sarah:Right. I do remember reading that poem in school at some point in time in my life.
Brandi:Okay, that must be that Chicago education, because I've never heard of it.
Rachael:That's probably a history lesson on Valentine's Day or something like that.
Sarah:Yes, and he mentions in that poem February 14th as the day when birds chose their mates. So it's the idea of romance grew, leading to the exchange of love notes and tokens. So up to today, the 18th and 19th century Valentine's Day became popular for expressing our love. We do handwritten cards to each other. You know, Hallmark definitely emphasized on the entire holiday and really helped to make it what we think today with the commercial greeting cards, flowers, you know, the chocolates, everything that we associate with Valentine's Day. So we kind of just took it from there. Interesting, yeah, Full history lesson.
Rachael:Love that Well. I personally threw this idea out for an episode because I had an experience a few years ago. I was dating somebody who. Let me back up. I was married for quite a few years and my ex-husband was very romantic, always gave gifts. We always did something for Valentine's Day and other holidays. So coming out of my marriage and learning how to date again, I was kind of expecting the same thing from other people that I had dated. This is on me of just having the expectation, not knowing any different. But I was dating somebody new and Valentine's day came around and we really hadn't had the conversation of what are we doing for Valentine's day and he decided to take a different girl to a hockey game on Valentine's Day.
Brandi:So this so let's back up here. Okay, was there any like were you guys dating when he invited this girl? Was it like kind of before you came around?
Sarah:Because I could see him wanting yeah, what did that conversation sound like?
Brandi:You know if they were friends and they had already made this commitment, I could see him wanting to hold it. You know, if they were friends and they had already made this commitment, I could see him wanting to hold it. But I mean, if it was after you guys were together, I'd be like, even if it was friends, I'd still be a little.
Rachael:We had been dating for four months, like Exclusively, exclusively dating, for four months, yeah, and we had gone to dinner. Like Valentine's Day fell on like a weekday or something, and the weekend before we had gone to dinner, like we got dressed up, we went out, but it was never stated like hey, this is for Valentine's Day or anything like that. So then a few days later, when I was thinking, hey, like what do you want to do for Valentine's Day? What are we going to do? He said, oh well, my friend. So he had season tickets to the Blues. So him and his friend said, oh, we're going to take these two girls to the game. We like have worked with them in the past, we're friends with them. Like we just decided that we were going to go to the game with them.
Rachael:And so that kind of started the conversation of, like do you realize it's Valentine's Day? Like, do you celebrate Valentine's Day? I'm kind of used to celebrating Valentine's Day, like maybe we should have had this conversation to see. But culturally, as a guy, I don't know if it's just because he was a guy and he didn't really celebrate Valentine's Day, it wasn't a tradition to him, it wasn't important to him, it was just another Tuesday kind of thing, um. So that kind of opened up the conversation of like, do you celebrate it, is it important to you, like, do you think we should have had this conversation before you made the plans, um, and everything like that. So that's kind of how it opened up. But yeah, I think that's kind of where our relationship turned, because I instantly felt Kind of put to the side a little Put to the side, like betrayed in a way, or like an afterthought in a lot of ways, and it just was an uncomfortable conversation that I wish I could have avoided.
Sarah:I see that, but it was a learning opportunity for sure. Always an awkward first conversation, whether, like with anyone you're in a relationship with, is like okay, what do you expect? What are those expectations? I mean, you were in a relationship previously, so you already had your own expectation, and even from when we were kids too, like my mom was big into Valentine's Day I mean, valentine's Day is Swedish Day so growing up I kind of same thing I didn't really know what the expectation was.
Brandi:It's kind of dependent on what you thought and what your your partner thinks.
Brandi:Yeah, but I mean this also kind of ties into don't make assumptions, especially when you start dating and you're going to have like, if you're in a healthy relationship, you're going to have a lot of awkward conversations because you're still getting to learn about each other. You know, after a year or two, you guys kind of have it figured out, but you're still very at four or five months. You're still very much learning about that person and you know what they deem important.
Sarah:Yeah, and going through all the holidays for the first time?
Brandi:Yeah, and I mean Valentine's Day, like is becoming less popular.
Rachael:I think so too as a whole.
Brandi:I agree there's popular as a whole, like, um, there's, you know, people that think it's a special occasion, but it's like the lowest drain holiday yeah, for people as in part as far as we don't get the day off work it's not.
Rachael:It's like it's an unofficial holiday, yeah, hallmark holiday, yeah, don't get the day off work.
Sarah:We don't get extra pay, but you need. You're encouraged to go out and do something you're encouraged to spend money.
Brandi:I mean roses, roses, double in price on Valentine's Day. Yes, like it is all about making money. It is, and I mean it's like two-thirds of women deem Valentine's Day important or they go out and celebrate it and only half of men do. And I think that I mean that's like.
Rachael:That was probably the situation of my guy. Yeah, right.
Brandi:But I also think women, I mean you throw in Galentine's Day in there, oh hell yeah, I love you some Galentine's Day.
Sarah:I think that's been a good trend too.
Brandi:I feel like girls, like, whether you're in a relationship or not, you're going to celebrate your friendships with your girlfriends. Like a lot of times that's more important than the guys you're seeing at the time, you know.
Rachael:Yes than the guys you're seeing at the time.
Brandi:You know like, so I think it really love in general depends on the, on the person and like their relationships and things like that. And again, whether you're romantic or not, you know, for the guy you were seeing it was just another day, like in his mind. He probably thought that weekend dinner was, you know, special enough to? Yeah, maybe. Yeah, you know deemed.
Sarah:I don't think he would say that, though, like if that was his intent or purpose. Okay, but we know, how men?
Brandi:can be Okay, they can be a little obtuse.
Rachael:So I think this begs the ask of everybody listening. Talk to your partner, whoever you might be dating, and have this conversation with them. Yeah, Is it important? Does it matter? I feel like love language is coming to play here too, because of it. Because if you haven't heard of love languages, there are five of them. There's quality time, there's acts of service, words of affirmation, physical touch and presence gifts. So what is your love language and what are your love languages? I'm curious.
Sarah:Yeah, I have two when I've done those like online quizzes yeah. Um words of affirmation and acts of service. Those are mine too. I switch off in between those two.
Rachael:Okay, mine is quality time and I feel like I fluctuate between acts of service and words of affirmation. Yeah, it kind of depends on the situation.
Sarah:Yeah.
Rachael:Yeah.
Sarah:So what about you? Oh yeah, we're the same thing. Yeah, same thing.
Brandi:Yeah, you and me are identical on that and then I've I don't know if this also kind of came up too um your love language of how you receive and how you give can be different receive and how you give can be different, like how you can give what your love language is, right, and then that's misaligned with the love language of your partner. Yes, so you, because of how you receive or see love, with acts of service and words of affirmation, that's usually what you give to someone, right, and that may or may not be their love languages. So that's where all the misalignment comes into play, um if you haven't read the book.
Brandi:I highly recommend it.
Rachael:It's a quick read, yeah and he has a quiz at the end of the book so you can actually take the quiz yeah, and there's different types.
Brandi:There's even the love languages for single people, married couples, just in general, like he's. He's done a whole series on it, um, and gina actually recommended it to me oh, you read it because of gina's recommendation.
Rachael:I did.
Brandi:Yeah, that was my, my book recommendation from her, because she was noticing she's like sounds like your love languages weren't being met in your previous relationship and I was like, well, I don't even know what my love languages are, so that's probably going to be a good first step, right? Yes, interesting, it's knowing what you are and then, you know, being able to have those conversations with people.
Rachael:Yeah, and I think that love languages can vary based on the relationship that you're in, yes, and the type of person that you're with or the timing of your life, if that makes sense.
Brandi:Maybe I'm totally off guard here, but I feel like when I was coming out of my marriage and starting to date again, I feel like I needed those words of affirmation a lot because I was in a high anxiety time of my life but now that was a major life change, yeah, yeah, so I could see I wouldn't necessarily say from relation, it could be relationship to relationship, but I really feel like it's those pivotal points in life, like you went from, you know, basically one extreme to the other of like married, fully committed, to back on the dating scene or just a level of comfortability for so long and and and things are more casual at that point too, you know, you're not, I mean you might be exclusive, but it's still new, it's you know.
Brandi:Whereas, you were married for years. You know, they kind of you kind of get into different rhythms and things like that.
Rachael:Absolutely so. Have the conversation with your partner, see what love language you have. I do highly suggest Galentine's Day, though, because my friend and I did Galentine's Day a few years in a row, and we ordered pizza, and they were heart-shaped pizzas, and then we watched cheesy-ass movies, and it was the best.
Sarah:That was actually my favorite day to work at a pizza place, like back in the day, because that was one day a year. We got to give out little heart-shaped pizzas. You make the dough and everything. Um well, I wasn't the one who actually made the dough, I was the one who talked on the phone when you were ordering pizzas and then if you came up to came to pick it up, I'd be like hey how are you?
Brandi:it's pretty easy. I mean, I just roll it out a certain way, yeah, um they get me with the pizza.
Rachael:I.
Brandi:I was in a long-term relationship and I celebrate Valentine's Day more than Valentine's Day. Really With my partner, yeah.
Sarah:See, growing up we had I mean, we wouldn't like do crazy things, like we probably would go and go out for like a nice dinner. Like if my dad was home in town he would very much be like these are my girls. We had my mom, myself and my sister, so he wants to take out his girls and that's kind of how we did Valentine's Day. You know, sometimes we wake up to split a thing of red roses for us in the morning or something like that. He always did something a little cute like that.
Sarah:Mom always had the cards and nothing ever crazy, but definitely they'd have some date nights every once in a while too, so I didn't really have an expectation. I just knew that it's a holiday and you do it with someone that you love, so whatever you want to do. When I started dating Brian, he's not a Hallmark holiday person, not at all. Not at all. Nope, nope. He does not want to give in to what society tells him he needs to do. In that case, how?
Rachael:did you feel about that, or the first year that you were dating? How did that conversation come up?
Sarah:I mean, I think it seemed like we just kind of talked about it, like, hey, valentine's Day is coming up, like what do you do? What have you done for Valentine's Day? What have I done for Valentine's Day? Do we want to do something? Do we want to make it big? Do we want to do something little? So we, kind of casually, and and he actually had that conversation with you, oh, yes, oh, I probably asked him every single question I could possibly think of under the sun in like the first two weeks we were dating, not you.
Sarah:Yes, yes, we played 20 questions very often. Okay, it was. Yeah, I'm sure you still do I love it.
Brandi:I also feel like he kind of gives the vibe of like it's not a real holiday.
Sarah:And he does. It's not a real holiday and he does, but then he also is like he has his romantic side too, so he'll always like go under the radar and kind of like do something. So typically like he'll come home and like bring flowers or something and won't like say anything or it's not like oh, it's Valentine's Day, I have to go get flowers.
Brandi:He'll just do that, yeah for valentine's day that's really your new light up.
Sarah:Yes, sticks too, and, honestly, I think a big part of it too was because valentine, valentine's day, is always like the most busiest evening at like restaurants and we are impatient and we don't like to wait in line, um, and we wouldn't remember to book a reservation prior to the actual date.
Sarah:We would both wait till the last minute. So we're like let's just do something fun at home. So we have a whole little sushi kit and honestly, that's probably the only day of the year Maybe we'll do it one other time but mostly Valentine's Day We'll just get our own sushi from the grocery store. I think that's adorable, I love that and just put those together and it's kind of a fun thing where it's no gifts, no obligation, but we just know what we're going to do for dinner that night.
Brandi:Well, making your own sushi is a gift in itself. Sushi as a traditional Valentine's Day, it's so much fun.
Sarah:Okay, take note people in relationships or Galentines Definitely do an at-home day, but the Galentine's Day is always fun too. Whatever you want to do with the people that you love and like you said, expressing your, your love language, no matter who it's going to be with.
Rachael:I feel like it's interesting, though, because we set these high expectations for, like our partner, like, oh, we need to meet these certain expectations for valentine's day, but then, if you do a galentine's, we're like we just want to veg out, eat pizza, do whatever. So it is interesting that we maybe hold different standards for that.
Sarah:Do we have to?
Brandi:No, I mean, I think that's kind of where Brian and I was at.
Sarah:Because we didn't want to have that standard. We didn't want to make it a big thing where it's like you have to do it with this person, yeah, or you have to do it because of this reason.
Brandi:I mean, I also kind of feel like that's where your comfort level is in a relationship, and maybe a good gauge of that.
Brandi:Because if you're just, you know, in your PJs eating pizza and drinking wine with your girlfriends, you know you don't have your hair and makeup done, you're not in a nice outfit, right, because they've seen you, yeah, at your worst, typically, and you're more comfortable, just, you know, know, chilling with them. Whereas valentine's day is often seen as like in a romantic relationship, especially a newer one, you know, there's a lot of societal pressures to go, do something and dress up and make it a big deal, like it is prime date night for everyone. Because I have noticed, like in my long-term relationship it started out strong and then, as the years went on, it kind of dwindled. Yeah, yeah, I could see that, um too, because you know it. Just, it just became another day and you know we'd make dinner at home or maybe exchange gifts to that level, but like we weren't going out and like I wasn't buying a new outfit and getting my hair done to. Like I feel like that's.
Sarah:What we see in the movies is like, yeah, that's the day the girls can do a self-care day, they're gonna go get their hair done, get a new outfit, dress themselves up, and if you want to do that, absolutely have at it. If that's what you want to do, that, absolutely have at it. If that's what you want to do, whether it be Valentine's day or another day or anything but you don't have to be fun to know you don't have to, but maybe, now that I'm thinking about it, I probably never have done that.
Sarah:I'd be open to it.
Rachael:I mean sushi, had a restaurant let's go.
Sarah:I mean, yeah, just even just having maybe shaking it up one year and doing something different and actually having that day where we do dress up for no reason. Well, I guess there's a reason it's Valentine's.
Rachael:Day. Do you think it's better to build up to a specific day, like Valentine's Day, or have sporadic romance throughout the year?
Brandi:I think it means more to be more sporadic. Yeah, I feel like, because there's so much pressure on valentine's day to do that, it almost loses its authenticity. A little bit like everyone is buying flowers and cards, but when someone comes home with flowers just on a random day because I thought of you, right, I feel like that holds a bigger punch.
Brandi:Yeah, then them going out and spending a hundred dollars on the overpriced flowers, because it's yeah yeah, like I just have some like, yeah, wildflower bouquet right on a random day that they know I had like a stressful day at work and those are at home.
Rachael:Yeah, for me my partner has bought flowers one time in his life and he bought them for Just randomly, like we hadn't been dating that long, and he just came home and had some flowers and he's like I literally never bought flowers for somebody. But I saw them and I was like, oh, I think Rachel would like these, like she likes plants and stuff. So he bought me some flowers and it was really nice.
Sarah:Exactly, yeah, this actually was probably the first within the first year Brian and I were dating. I went to go see my parents and travel out of state, and when Brian came to pick me up from the airport it was Valentine's Day and he showed up, parked his car in the lot, walked into the airport.
Brandi:That says a lot. Did he have to do that? He had his bouquet of flowers.
Sarah:I remember that actually it was so stinking cute, so I love when he does that. But after that night he made a comment to me saying that no one has ever bought him flowers. And he's like I'm kind of offended because I buy flowers for other people but no one has ever bought him flowers. So I started buying him flowers and I give them to him every once in a while because he also likes plants, he just likes it.
Brandi:I've also done that a couple times, but instead of flowers I usually do like a plant.
Sarah:See, he probably prefers the flowers.
Brandi:I have that and see, I'm the type of woman that I don't really like flowers. Yeah, I would prefer a plant, just because they die you know, once they're cut. Yes, and I understand, like don't get me wrong. If someone brought me flowers, I would love them. They're cut.
Brandi:yes, and I understand, like don't get me wrong, if, if someone brought me flowers I would love them but, like I'd rather you spend the money something on keep food for me or um a plant that I can try to keep alive, because I kill those quite a bit too. Um, but honestly, what's been kind of the thing for me and the guy I'm seeing is he's been buying me lego flowers, so I can't kill them.
Sarah:Yes, yeah, we like those have been fun too.
Brandi:I definitely got a kit last year yeah, so I've gotten one for my birthday, right?
Sarah:I have the orchid, and then the little um, the tiny plants, the tiny plants, the pack of nine, yes, and then we just got the bonsai tree.
Brandi:Cute, brian got me the bonsai tree, yeah so I got the chrysanthemum for my birthday, and then I got the tiny plant set for Christmas. Nice, and I mean Lego comes out with new ones every year, so there's an abundance of them.
Rachael:I feel like if I started doing Lego plants, I would have to get rid of some of my real plants, because, yeah see, I don't think so. The limited plants do not exist.
Brandi:Honestly, a lot of them are pretty small. That you could kind of intersperse them in your stuff, a that you could kind of intersperse them in your your stuff like mix of it all gives a good dimension of all the plants you can put them everywhere and they've got cool light kits so they can light up like. I've started getting those now too, and you don't have to water them so you can't kill them exactly my best part, because I'm a brown thumb 100 man.
Rachael:I've done some cheesy gifts in the past, though I one time I bought a rose of each color, and then I looked up the meaning of each rose and I, like, wrote a note with that flower to say, like this means this and this is why I love you. One time I went through the dictionary and I underlined every single word that reminded me of that.
Sarah:Really like it was oh my gosh.
Rachael:And like I had to post it for like every word that reminded me of our relationship, Like I did, was there the entire dictionary, the whole dictionary. And then I just gifted the dictionary to the person that I was with at the time. That's kind of cute, though I like that or a deck of cards I've seen that one, I did the deck of cards to say all the reasons that you love them.
Sarah:Do you?
Rachael:remember the coupon books. I've done that. I've done that.
Sarah:It sat. I've done that. I asked if people would still do that because we were going to do that for Christmas actually and gift two of our friends who have a son who we love to hang out with and gift them like date night coupon, like hey, we're going to watch your child for you know the evening, or we're going to take them out for the afternoon and you guys get a thing and do a little coupon book like that. And my husband said no one does that anymore. That's so weird. I'm like I thought those were so cute, maybe because love language. Acts of service yeah, to me those.
Brandi:So I did that. Once it was customized like I made the little cartoons look like each of us, and then it sat in the sock drawer, yeah.
Rachael:So I was like, okay, not that again yeah, I do have a post-it that's like one sexual act of your choosing. Okay, Condom may or may not be needed, you know, and that post-it is still on my you know on my nightstand, like I just feel like I'd take advantage of it without the post-it you know yeah. You gotta take the opportunity while you can.
Brandi:Right, yeah. So, like I did the first year I was with my ex, he liked scratch-offs and he liked Coke, so Coca-Cola. Oh, I was going to say.
Rachael:Sorry, I was going to say the soda, not that much of a sugar you know I'm not buying drugs.
Brandi:So I found like a six-pack of glass bottles that were in the little cardboard thing Cute, and then I stuck like candy and scratch-offs on like those little like wooden kebab sticks and put those in the six-pack and then I made a little sign that says I won the lottery the day I met you. So I have done like the cuter things but that kind of the longer you're in it you're just like I don't really need to do all that. Here's some Coke and a scratchunchie, not the drug coke cola that's funny, yeah.
Brandi:So I mean there's been, there's been good years, um, I know you've. I mean, what is the blues game? Probably your worst valentine's day uh, uh.
Rachael:That was probably like the worst situation I've been in, with a partner talking like having to deal with that situation. I'm sure with my ex I had many a bad Valentine's Day just cause that was the nature of her relationship.
Rachael:I kind of walked into that one, okay. But uh, this past year, um, it was last minute I was dating somebody my partner that I'm still dating and I just said, hey, like it'd be cool to kind of see you tonight, like we should just, you know, grab dinner and hang out and watch TV. And we got Katie's pizza because it's the best.
Sarah:I know, take out.
Rachael:So, yeah, we ate pasta and pizza and salad and just watched TV and it was really nice. So I feel like there's been this transition over time. You know, I was used to being like love-bombed with gifts, with kind of these like romantic situations, but not really treated super well. So that was kind of the balance, yeah, and how I you know it was hard to see what the relationship was like on the daily because there were these kind of grand gestures.
Brandi:Right and those kind of like pulled you over during the rougher times.
Rachael:Yeah, Then I flipped to you know, dating my previous partner and you know the hockey game situation happened Like just very, we weren't emotionally connecting in the way like he definitely wasn't meeting my love languages needs yeah, I wasn't meeting his per se.
Rachael:And so now I feel like the partner that I have now, him and I are pretty much on the same path and that's good. We can't have more of those awkward conversations because I feel like, depending on the person and depending on the situation, like the conversations that I had with the blues guy, it just went wrong, like he did not handle conflict well. It ended in just like a lot of like back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, like never really getting anywhere and him totally shutting down, versus now I can have the conversation, yeah, I can have the conversation and, yeah, I can have the conversation, and it could be a really hard conversation, but we're able to get through it pretty well, there's a comfort level there, I feel like, and set the expectations for sure All right, Cozy, do you have a worst Valentine's Day story?
Brandi:What's your worst Valentine's?
Sarah:Day my worst Valentine's the one that came to mind it was actually a blind date On.
Rachael:Valentine's.
Sarah:Day, it was bold date.
Brandi:It was bold. It was a bold move. Okay, hang on before you. Who set you up on this blind date?
Sarah:a co-worker, oh that's a supervisor girl. She this my co-worker supervisor. I was working at lowes at the time and I can't even remember her name. She was older, older lady, okay, um, and she said I have, it was either a friend's son or like a nephew, or she knew this guy. We're the similar in age. We have a couple years.
Brandi:Apparently this date went well because it holds a lot of memory.
Sarah:Oh yes, it was memorable and uh, she said you guys have similar personalities. I think you'd get along great like why don't you go on a date? I'll set it up two cozies. So I said, okay, sure, why not? Um, so he had texted me, we had never met in person, we just had each other's phone numbers, and he said I'm gonna uber there. Would you like me to pick you up? How does that work? Yeah, I said no, that's okay, I'll just meet you there. Okay, smart, we get there.
Rachael:He would have paid for the Uber, though Maybe that's kind of romantic.
Sarah:I was more.
Brandi:She needed to be able to do a quick escape.
Sarah:Yes, I went home just in case. I mean, we weren't going far, we were going like just to a sushi place in town and we go there, there. And he just proceeded the whole entire evening to just talk about himself in a very gloating way, like he was very, very intelligent. He did something with like robots that seems like your style it was very interesting to himself. Yeah, this was. He was just bragging about like how smart he was and how much money he was making off of him being so smart with this robot thing.
Rachael:It was those pretentious dudes, oh my god it was.
Sarah:It was a little tiring, and so I'm just kind of sitting there, we didn't talk about anything. And then he was very obsessed with, like, I played sand volleyball. I still play sand volleyball and he loved that because he also did so then randomly throughout the entire evening. It was just like, oh, same volleyball comes up randomly. We won even. It was kind of awkward. So then he proceeds to drink a little bit more too, because he's like, oh, we're gonna, I'm gonna Uber back home, so I can, you know, have some drinks. If you want to leave your car here, we can, you know Uber home back.
Brandi:Oh, he thought that date was going better.
Sarah:I said, yeah, wanted to stay after dinner and like walk around and go get ice cream and I definitely booked it out of there. How long did the date last, do you know? Like like no longer than an hour, like we got our food it was. It was quick, he did okay, he did.
Sarah:Well, he better with all that money he's making, oh my gosh, and like he wasn't rude or anything, he was very nice guy, just yeah was not a good fit, um, and so I left. Then he continuously tried to text me for a while after that and I just gave it to them, but I got free sushi date out of it, so there was one good thing, pick up on social cues.
Brandi:Yes, I'm not. I'm not stereotyping, but that's generally. I work with a lot of that.
Sarah:Yeah, it's generally how it goes, it's also like when you, because I had a photo of him. A photo, a photo, okay, but in person I had to do a look down kind of thing Walk in, look down. He was a little bit shorter than me too. It wasn't expected Nothing wrong with that, it just wasn't expected out of the photo.
Brandi:You're not a short king lover.
Sarah:I don't discriminate, I love everyone. But at that point in my life, frankly, I should probably date myself. I was probably like freshly 21. You?
Rachael:should date yourself.
Sarah:Maybe you should date yourself. Date myself. I'm 28 years old.
Brandi:No, she meant like she's going to age herself. Is what she meant? I was like freshly 21.
Sarah:So, truly, the only thing I was planning to get out of there was a couple of free drinks and some free sushi on Valentine's.
Rachael:Day. I mean, there's a theme here. She obviously loves sushi, that's the weight of her heart.
Sarah:Sushi is a weight of her heart. That's my third love language.
Rachael:Sushi. Well, I was going to say, my true love language is food. So, and all of these things have something in common uh, this holiday revolves around food a lot of times. Yes, yeah, so more of the story.
Sarah:Valentine's day is only good for food, I think it definitely helps chocolate I'm a big chocolate fan absolutely it's always a win milk chocolate or dark chocolate, though both depend just on how you're feeling. I mean not both at the same time, but I'm a milk chocolate yeah, I'm a milk chocolate, love milk chocolate, but dark chocolate's so good for you, so every once in a while just a good piece of dark chocolate If it's mixed with mint, during the holidays dark chocolate and peppermint.
Sarah:Like the York patty kind of things. Isn't that dark chocolate in mint?
Brandi:Yeah, I mean those are okay. I'm thinking of the Ghirardelli.
Rachael:Or like the Lindor little ball thingies, we have the Bissinger's chocolate.
Sarah:I think those are truffles. The Bissinger's chocolate was absolutely delicious. They do make good chocolate.
Rachael:Honestly, I like that basic shit too, like Hershey's milk chocolate I could eat that all day, cookies and cream. Oh no, too sweet, which I never thought that I would say in my life. But Cookies and cream, too sweet, it can be too sweet. The ice cream, though, give me the ice cream.
Sarah:I think every date should end with an ice cream date. Absolutely, absolutely.
Rachael:Absolutely.
Brandi:I mean, every day should just end with ice cream, like if we're being honest Coffee, gelato, true way to my heart. Ooh, yeah, if I could have that every day.
Rachael:Yeah, but eventually I'm opening up at the gelato bar, yeah.
Sarah:The affogato bar Sign me up.
Rachael:Yeah See, we're just making dreams come true here. Absolutely Sushi and gelato.
Sarah:But Valentine's Day, that was the only date that I think I really remember from. I mean, I know I've been out on another Valentine's Day, but that was the most memorable one was first blind date.
Brandi:I feel like we all yeah, I feel like there's always one for most people that sticks out.
Rachael:Yeah, what was the worst?
Brandi:for you. It was a very so. I was in at the time. It was a situation, ship, a situation.
Rachael:Situation. Yes, so please define a situation ship.
Brandi:So a situation ship is when you're seeing someone but you haven't, like, made it official. They don't want to necessarily commit and put that label on it.
Rachael:So are you seeing other people during this situation?
Brandi:ship, um, no, but we hadn't had like the exclusive talk. It was just kind of a I guess, silently agreed upon kind of understanding. Okay, um, but and I don't know if he was actually going to take me out for Valentine's day originally, but he had a buddy in town. So I was in college, so we were at in Columbia and he had a buddy in town who was going to take this girl that he'd been in a situation ship with his buddy, at a situation ship too, um, and he was taking her out for Valentine's day. And he's like, but he'd been in a situationship with his buddy, at a situationship too, and he was taking her out for Valentine's Day. And he's like, hey, you know, why don't we, why don't we join them? And I was like, ok, that's fine, we went to, was it? I don't know if it was Texas Roadhouse or Outback, it was a steakhouse. Ok, on Valentine's Day they have this monstrous like porterhouse on special that's designed for two people to split.
Rachael:Oh Okay.
Brandi:My date ate all of it. Yeah, but I mean he was. I mean he was a farm boy Like he was, not. I mean he made me like small.
Sarah:Big grown boy.
Brandi:So yeah, Farmers are fun too, yeah, farmers are fun too. Yeah, I mean don't I was. I'm not complaining, I just thought it was funny that he ate like a 44 ounce steak. That's a lot of steak, I know it was like a pizza in front of him.
Sarah:Oh my gosh.
Brandi:But that wasn't really what made it awkward, because that really didn't shock me. I was like, okay, of course he.
Sarah:Man just likes to eat.
Brandi:Yeah, it was the other couple that made it so awkward, so apparently they had gotten into a fight earlier that day, I think it was, or like a previous day, and she did not want to be there with him, and so it was still fairly new for me to be with this guy that I've seen in the situation ship, so like we were still fairly new. And then I'm meeting this other couple and they don't say like a word to each other oh, so you're just sitting in silence so I'm trying to get to know these two
Brandi:people, while my date is like trying to make conversation, you know, and it was just, it was like pulling teeth and I was. It was so awkward because they were like there was like a wall between them. Oh gosh, he was clearly more into her than she was to him. Okay, and I don't know if he didn't see it or you know, he was just desperate to make it work. I don't know. She was, I mean, they were both nice, but it just made it awkward that we were kind of like not even together trying to make this conversation flow for the night and they were like it would just fall flat every time and I'm just like, okay, when's this date over?
Rachael:Oh, I feel the awkwardness Did you go on another date with this person, did the situation ship continue?
Brandi:We dated for five years oh yeah there you go. So, um, we dated throughout college, like a year and a half after so did.
Sarah:They did dinner last, they lasted through no, this is brandy's situation, ship right, that was my date porterhouse dude.
Rachael:Yeah, stayed around for five years.
Brandi:Yes, yeah, but yeah I don't know.
Sarah:Yeah, the other couple I never saw him again. Okay, I have no idea what I was hoping is that we?
Rachael:get to a fight with some random strangers let's go.
Brandi:I never saw her again and I may have run into him once or twice I don't recall, um, but I think he was. I think he was military and he was just in town like after basic or something. If I recall it correctly, that was years ago. Okay, like don't want to age myself, I think that was over 10 years ago. At this point you know that this date happened, so, but I just still remember being very awkward and that's the one that has stuck with me. This this whole time is like I said. I don't know like the the fine details of like where we were, but I just remember the conversation being terrible and I'd be like what the fuck am?
Brandi:I doing here? Like goodness I could be at a party right now, or something you know, so I feel like I have to expand on this Blues story.
Rachael:Okay, go for it, because it ended up being way more awkward than it should have been. Okay, so Blues guy is like hey, me and my friend are going to take these two girls to the Blues game.
Brandi:The fact that it was like a double date is, I think, what's making me uncomfortable with the situation date is, I think, what's making me uncomfortable with the situation.
Rachael:Well, it wasn't that weird, because they were season ticket holders together and they each had a second seat and they always brought somebody, like they would rotate out the friends that they would take. I get that, but just the fact that it ended up with like these two women on Valentine's Day seemed odd.
Brandi:No, I 100% agree with that.
Rachael:So I bring up the situation of like hey, this is uncomfortable for me, like there's just a lot of things wrong from my perspective of you taking this girl to this game on Valentine's Day. Well then his friend backed out Like he couldn't go anymore because he had to work.
Brandi:Okay.
Rachael:So then Blue's guy picked up his ticket, so he had his own guest ticket which he had invited the other girl, and then two other slots.
Brandi:Okay.
Rachael:Which I did not know.
Brandi:Did the female's friend like the second girl? Did she go?
Rachael:The female. So the other guy that had the ticket backed out. Yes, the other girl backed out.
Brandi:Okay that's what I was asking.
Sarah:So then it was just him, and so then, it was just him and His friend, the girl, the girl who had the tickets together.
Rachael:So he then texts me and he says do you want to go to the game?
Brandi:Is this before or after you had the conversation?
Rachael:After we've had the conversation. So he says do you want to go to the game? So I take that as oh, you're not taking this other girl anymore. Like it's me and you, we're going to go to this game.
Brandi:So he didn't say anything about the other two backing out.
Sarah:He didn't say who else was going to be there.
Rachael:He said that the other guy backed out and the other girl backed out, but he didn't tell me that he took on their tickets. I guess I can't remember exactly how it went down, but I was under the impression that this other girl wasn't coming anymore and it was just going to be me and him. Oh no, and then he said well, do you want to bring a friend?
Rachael:And I was like well, why would I bring a friend if we're going together? And he said, no, I have all the tickets. So I'm still bringing this girl that I was originally bringing, plus, I'm bringing you, plus, you can bring a friend. So I ended up on valentine's day at the blues game with my boyfriend at the time, with his other bitch that he brought. She was a lovely person actually.
Brandi:She's really not a bitch.
Rachael:I apologize to the woman out there. She, she was very nice actually, but he brought her, he picked her up, then like picked up me and my friend. So it was just odd because they're like sitting in the front seat. She was very nice. She was like do you want the front seat? And I'm like, no, I'm cool, because I really don't want to be around him at this moment. So, yeah, it was a pretty fucked up situation. Like it was a pretty fucked up situation. Like I was just sitting there and I'm like I'm literally on a double date with my boyfriend who's with another woman. Did the game feel like, did you have?
Sarah:awkwardness during the game. Oh, absolutely.
Rachael:It was very awkward. I was in a very uncomfortable position at the time and that's kind of like when I realized like this probably isn't the healthiest situation and like we're obviously not communicating well together in the healthiest situation.
Brandi:And like we're obviously not communicating well together, there's your one of your first red flags that you know, yeah and uh where that first boundary should have been set right, but we know those boundaries those are harder to set than we like to think a common theme with our girl. Maybe we should have called ourselves no Boundaries Podcast no.
Sarah:Boundaries.
Brandi:Or no Boundaries Podcast, or Learning Our Boundaries. Yes, learning Our Boundaries, because we're going to set them at some point.
Rachael:Setting those boundaries, yeah, so that girl was very lovely actually and she was very nice, but walked away.
Brandi:So he was the bitch, not her. He was the bitch yeah.
Rachael:He was the bitch, not her. He was the bitch.
Sarah:Yeah, he's a very nice person as well, so I really can't talk shit on either one of them, but in the moment in the situation, it was not a great feeling. Right.
Rachael:When was your first relationship like after being married to him? He was like my first boyfriend, serious, like I was very much in love with this person, so it really hurt that.
Sarah:So maybe we say, if you're newly dating someone, first off talk to them and ask about it Yep, but maybe Valentine's Day is not the day for a group date. Or just, maybe not. Or maybe just or. Have the conversation. Yeah, have a conversation, have the conversation. Make sure everyone's on the same page.
Rachael:Don't tell your significant other, Like don't tell your boyfriend, girlfriend, partner, whoever it is, Like oh, I'm already doing this with somebody else on this day.
Brandi:Yeah, if it's important to their partner, yeah, give them the heads up If you've had the conversation and it's not a big deal to you and they go you know yeah. I still think and maybe this is the male female, it's and maybe this is the male female it's really hard to juggle those friendships and he had a lot of female friends because if he had been a male friend, you wouldn't have felt as threatened.
Rachael:I would have been like cool, have fun.
Brandi:I'll go do. Galentine's Day whereas I have a lot of guy friends and I've had men I've dated be uncomfortable or like, well, have you, you know, hooked up with them before? Like you know, do you have a thing for them? Like I got that a lot and I'm like, no, this dude is strictly platonic, I have no interest. So it is hard to balance those kinds of relationships, especially especially when you're new and the trust hasn't been built.
Sarah:Brian and I had that discussion early on too. We were both on the same page because I have my best friend from college who is a guy Yep One I have never had any affiliation like that with. He is truly just my nerdy best friend, who we were in the same college hall and loved to death. And my husband, brian, also has one of his best friends who is a girl and we started dating. Like they have their traditions. They go to the baseball opening weekend every year together and they've asked me if I wanted to go and honestly I've said no, because you know what I know. This is your really good friend from high school. She's married, she's got her two kids. You guys both love baseball. Go. I never want to kill that tradition from you either. If it's on Valentine's Day, I might have something different to say about that, but it never is so we're all good there.
Brandi:Well, they would have invited you.
Sarah:True, so he gets to have his moment with his best friend too. I get to have my moment with my best friend too because, same thing, I've always had more guy friends than girlfriends.
Brandi:but yeah, we were both on that same page and we're kind of like a whew, okay, good, you have this friend, I have this friend but you have those conversations, yeah, and if there's no real trust built yet in a relationship, it's, it's hard like I've been on the other side of it before too, you know it's just there's not that, that that trust, that conversation. You haven haven't maybe seen their relationship in person. You may have just heard about it.
Sarah:Well, she was a bridesmaid in my wedding too, so we're all good.
Brandi:That was totally. But if you just hear stories like, oh, I went and did so, this was so-and-so, and you hear that story over and over again, you're like, okay, right, it's usually when you see them in person and how they act you can usually get a feel for it.
Sarah:Oh, yeah, I think that my best friend Bubba and my husband Brian would at this point, probably go off on their own Valentine's Day date. And then me also would go off on ours too, because the dynamics are all just all good there.
Rachael:Yeah, absolutely so. More of the story. Talk to yeah, absolutely so. More of the story, um, talk to your partner. See what types of traditions you all hold, yeah, near and dear to your hearts. Maybe sushi, is it? Maybe you know flowers is it for you? Talk about your love languages, you know. Are you quality time? Are you acts of service? Are you gift giving? Are you physical touch are you? What's that last one words?
Rachael:of affirmation words of affirmation, talk about your love languages, see what types of traditions are happening, be okay with uncomfortable conversations, because at the end of the day, it's all about making you better as a couple and understanding that trust yeah, build the trust and don't feel the need to have to give in to what everyone else is doing. Yeah, Fuck what everybody else is doing you do what works for you both.
Sarah:Seems like sushi is the way to go. To be honest, yes, always the way to go, always.
Rachael:Absolutely Well. Thank you all for listening. We really appreciate it. Um, Sarah's going to give some insight on social media, right, Sarah? Yeah, Some new stuff.
Sarah:We have some new stuff on social media. We're going to start posting new episodes twice a month, so we'll have those coming out. We have our blog posting coming too, so check out our blog. We still want to hear from you, too, on more episode topics, questions that you guys have.
Rachael:Or traditions that you do for.
Sarah:Valentine's Day or traditions you do for Valentine's Day. Go ahead and send us a text. We have our phone number link in the podcast description. You can click that.
Brandi:You can text us um and we'll chat back with you.
Rachael:Facebook posts, if you see them, or instagram stories like we get all of that we'll message back absolutely well, thank you all for listening, so until next time stay bold, stay empowered girl gang out.
