Girl Gang Podcast

Episode 17: Reframing Your Life At Any Age

• Girl Gang Podcast • Season 1 • Episode 17

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Have you ever felt trapped by invisible timelines or society's expectations? That gnawing feeling that you're somehow "behind" in life compared to everyone else? This candid conversation dives deep into the liberating power of reframing your perspective and embracing new beginnings—no matter your age.

The three of us open up about our personal journeys of questioning prescribed life paths. From breaking free of work-centered identities to challenging marriage and family timelines, we share the pivotal moments that forced us to reconsider what truly matters. Why do we put so much pressure on ourselves to achieve certain milestones by specific ages? And what happens when we finally release those arbitrary deadlines?

Perhaps the most powerful reframe we discuss is shifting from "life happens to me" to "I'm co-creating it." This mindset transforms you from a passive recipient of circumstances to an active creator of your own experience. We explore how your 30s can actually be better than your 20s—a time when you know yourself better, care less about others' expectations, and have the confidence to say no to what doesn't serve you.

Whether you're questioning your career path, relationship status, or creative pursuits, this episode offers permission to forge your own timeline. Remember: you're exactly where you need to be, and it's never too late to create the life that truly reflects your authentic desires and values. What will you reframe today?

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Rachael:

Hey everyone, welcome to Girl Gang Podcast. My name's Rachael,

Sarah:

I'm Sarah.

Brandi:

And I'm Brandi, and we are your hosts for this episode.

Rachael:

So this week we are talking about a reframe and on one of our last episodes we had talked about how everybody loves a good reframe. And given that myself and Brandi are in our 30s and Kozy is coming up on her 30th,

Sarah:

I am not 30 yet

Brandi:

your baby.

Rachael:

We're kind of just in this moment of life where, you know, we've each kind of hit a point where we feel stuck potentially of like, you know, are we on the right path? Are we like, are we running out of time because of a certain path that we have in mind? And so we figured we should just talk about how it's never too late to start something that you want to do, want to try. Um, it's never too late to end something that's not going well. It's, and you know, everybody can benefit from a good reframe.

Rachael:

So,

Sarah:

yes, Kiki Palmer said it best you need a good reframe.

Rachael:

You need a good reframe,

Sarah:

yeah

Rachael:

yeah, okay, what's your reframe recently, Sarah?

Sarah:

I think my reframe has probably been going over the last like two-ish, three-ish years or something like that. I think that my mentality now has been more focused on just truly doing the things that I like to do, that bring me joy, that make me happy, and not so much as to constantly filling my life with things that are that I thought were going to bring me success, like, specifically, jobs. I think a big reframe I have is being so work and job oriented my whole life.

Brandi:

Yes, same.

Sarah:

Yeah, constantly in a job, constantly trying to work your way up, Like I feel like our generation was kind of brought up in that sort of sense that, if you don't work hard, you know, do all these things, get the title, get the paychecks, you know, get the promotions that we're not going to live this life, this retirement lifestyle that we're kind of seeing our parents go into

Brandi:

yeah, and let's start off with get that degree.

Brandi:

Our generation had the most pressure to go to college. Get the degree most

Rachael:

if you get the degree, you'll be fine,

Sarah:

right

Brandi:

so they said

Rachael:

yeah

Brandi:

but most most people with a bachelor's degree aren't actually using it, but we have a shit ton of debt,

Sarah:

right,

Brandi:

you know? So, like I feel like generations after us are reframing and there's fewer and fewer people actually going to college.

Sarah:

Yes

Brandi:

, you know,

Rachael:

I can see that

Brandi:

the trades are starting to spike back up.

Sarah:

As they should,

Brandi:

oh yeah.

Brandi:

Yeah, I'm not going to work on my own plumbing. Someone else needs to do that,

Sarah:

I mean coming from.

Sarah:

You know I only dabbled in higher ed work-wise for a little bit there, but it was a completely different atmosphere and it was kind of interesting to see. I don't want to call it a downfall, but just a reframe it truly is. We have colleges that are struggling to find funding outside of you know, students paying their tuition. We see a lot of universities around the world closing um, and I think it's exactly right, Brandi, because we're going to see more options out there and encourage the young ones to just follow their heart and do what they want to do, because in reality, we can have the smartest people in the world, you know, all going to college and doing these jobs, but you still need trade and people who can build you a house and

Brandi:

absolutely

Sarah:

you know, do all these important things that we literally cannot live without.

Brandi:

Yep our infrastructure

Sarah:

right, I don't know how to do plumbing, but I know, if we don't have anyone who knows how to do plumbing, that's been literally, quite literally, shitty world

Brandi:

no kidding yeah

Sarah:

so I think that's really nice, that we're um encouraging our young folks to not or we're not putting as much pressure on them, I think, as the world kind of put on us to go and get our degrees

Rachael:

A reframe.

Rachael:

Another reframe is like even though I didn't feel forced to get married at a young age, like I felt like that was just the way. Like I dated my high school sweetheart, I thought that that was just the plan. And I'm pretty sure all of our friend group could tell you, by age 25 we were all going to be married and have a baby at least or at least except for Brandi or at least by like 30, be married and have two kids, you know.

Rachael:

And so it's like it is this feeling that and I mean I talk about this a lot Like I'm so scared that like I'm missing my time or like afraid that I'm not going to be able to do what I need to do because of that time, and like that was the defining moment of like leaving my husband. It was like I want kids. Can I have kids with him? No, I will not have kids with him. I can't do this. And that I mean I mean like that was probably the biggest reframe for me of like I'd rather not have kids than have kids with the wrong person,

Sarah:

right

Brandi:

, yeah,

Rachael:

and kid like babies don't fix anything, which we've talked about before.

Sarah:

But and we've seen that too and I don't know if that's you know, I have no really evidence to support this, but I have noticed, you know, the generation above us who does have a lot of kids, and I feel like they had had a really high divorce rate too, and part part of me goes back to think a little bit like is it because of this pressure?

Sarah:

like no one forces to do it like you said? But it for a while there it did seem like that's just like the next step and if you're not at that next step or thinking about that next step or working towards it, like you're behind, someone, put into a really good perspective again I'm. I listen to a bunch of podcasts and I'm really bad at noting which one was which, but one person brought up a conversation about you know, when you do feel behind from everybody else, that you're around, when we every single one of us when we grew up in school you are doing the same exact thing as everyone else, your age. You're all in class at the same time. You're all learning the same subjects. You're all in school for the same time. You're doing after school sports, your family time, things. On weekends. You kind of have the same routine there. For a while you go out to college and you still kind of have a similar realm of a routine, but everyone can study something different.

Brandi:

Yeah,

Sarah:

um,

Brandi:

some are working, some aren't

Sarah:

right

Brandi:

yeah,

Sarah:

um, so that's interesting for those of us who often, like you said, about 25, you know once you're out of college that doesn't exist anymore.

Sarah:

It's, it's

Rachael:

kind of like you kind of lose your sense of identity in a way, or like your sense of purpose, because you're like, well, what the fuck do I do? Now? Like I went to college, I did the thing like maybe you get married, okay but, like, at some point I feel like you're, you hit a wall and you're like well, I don't have any more goals

Sarah:

well, I feel like it's because we don't know, because we're outside of the classroom now.

Sarah:

We are no longer.

Brandi:

We've always been kind of told this is what you need to do.

Sarah:

We are no longer just hanging out with kids our own age. I mean, when I met, you know, my husband, he's four years older than me, so hanging out with everybody else it doesn't seem like that at our age, at four years, is a big difference, but it kind of is. Because I would have been a freshman while you guys were in in your senior year. I'm sorry, you probably wouldn't have made mountains to like be my friend. I mean, I was pretty freaking cool, so maybe you would have, but it's, we were in totally different.

Brandi:

Yeah,

Sarah:

um, like lives from freshman to senior year and it changes, but it doesn't change. But I think that there's something there where we put a lot of pressure on ourselves now to be at the same level or the same time frame, timeline as the people who are around us. But part of my reframe, I think too, is literally trying to forget all of that.

Brandi:

Yes.

Sarah:

Because it does not matter.

Brandi:

Yeah.

Sarah:

It does not matter what point in time you do things. No one is truly behind in life

Brandi:

everyone's got their own schedule their own timeline

Sarah:

schedule. Everything will happen when it's supposed to happen.

Brandi:

Yeah,

Sarah:

and I think that that's something where it's not an external pressure, but it's because of the external pressures we were brought up with that we end up putting a lot of internal pressure on ourselves, because we thought we would be 30, married with, you know, three kids by now.

Rachael:

Well, and I think it's easy to forget, like what we've accomplished or what we wanted so before I turned 30, I did like things that I want to accomplish before I'm 30, or like I have.

Rachael:

You know, I have things that I want to accomplish in my 30. I mean, I actually haven't made that list. Like, maybe I should make a list of like things that I want to accomplish in my 30s. I have like a blueprint for my life of like things that I would like to do in my life. Um, but I also reflected on, like, what did I do in my 20s? Okay, in my 20s. Like first person to go to college. Like I bought a house, I got married, I got divorced.

Rachael:

Like a lot of shit can happen in a decade.

Rachael:

You know

Sarah:

which I didn't do any of that in my 20s

Rachael:

right,

Sarah:

which it's just two different lives. Like I'm doing that more in my 30s, which I'm a little more excited for now, because I mean, truly, things I accomplished in my 20s were really all work related,

Rachael:

yeah

Sarah:

, and like I think back to that too and I'm like I kind of, in a sense, feel behind because I didn't. I feel like there's a part of me that didn't enjoy my 20s as much as I really say should have like we went, we partied, we made friends, we did our things.

Sarah:

Like you know, there's a lot of things I wish I could go back and redo, like travel a little bit more? Yeah, it does, but in the end it's just everyone can be on different timelines and there's absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Brandi:

Yeah, I would say, you know, following your mindset with work, and my reframe has kind of happened in the last year and a half with this new job and I came from a really toxic workplace before this current job and I get to this new place and I'm not a people leader like I was for like seven plus years. I'm not actively working to get into management and become a director of a department like I was at one of my previous companies and I look back and I'm like, well, I think the only reason I was doing that was because that was the only way I could make more money. There. They kind of, you know, pigeonhole you into.

Brandi:

The only way of you making more money, or at least more than the like annual 3%, is you have to go up in management. So I really focused on that. I mean, I went and got two master's degrees in management and business to do that, and now I'm in a role where my manager basically, I mean he delegates stuff to us but he's very particular and he shields us from a lot of things. So I go, I do my work and I leave and I don't have anyone reporting to me. I don't have any of that responsibility, but I'm still making more than when I was a people leader, and so my reframe has just kind of been like I don't have to work and work.

Brandi:

it's just a title the work life, balance thing not living to work,

Sarah:

I think that's something too.

Sarah:

That like the pressure to make money.

Rachael:

Yeah

Sarah:

was a lot too, and here we are with our degrees in our jobs and we're all still broke like what the hell

Brandi:

um

Sarah:

I'm tired.

Brandi:

I I mean, I wouldn't say I'm broke, I just spend my money irresponsibly.

Rachael:

Yeah, I mean, I feel like I have a slightly different sense of like I literally did not make much money in higher ed and then like worked my way up and then, when I moved into tech, like I'm at least able to support myself. But I'm like, if I can at least like support myself and be cool, I don't really care about making more money,

Sarah:

yeah,

Rachael:

but I feel like here's like here's a reframe. So I came back from vacation a few months ago and like I went back to work and it was like a little over three years that I had been at my job and I came back to work and I had so much anxiety like I went down this ADHD rabbit hole of like oh my gosh, I have anxiety, like I know I that that I don't like working from home, like I've never liked working from home, but like I have the seasonal depression again, but it's like summer. So like maybe it's my job, like maybe I need to find a new job because I'm just like stuck at home all the time. And so I went down this rabbit hole of like okay, maybe I need to start like having coffee with people and like thinking about other opportunities and, as I was having conversations with these people, it's not I need a new job, it's like I need to find purpose outside of my job and so, like one of like one of my old professors from Lindenwood, she's like well, there are the, there's like two local organizations that you can get involved in.

Rachael:

So it's like being out in the community and supporting the community and going back to like community service aspects. And so since then and I even talked about it with, like my therapist it's like I need to be out more, like I need to be making an impact in my community. I feel like working from home, you have very little control of what can happen, like you just work with your clients, like if they do what they need to do, they do. If they don't, they don't. You have very little control over what the world does, because the world's crazy.

Rachael:

But like what can I control and what can I make a difference in? And like, so I just kind of put it out into the universe to say like hey, like I want to get more involved. So like I joined like a civic engagement organization in the area. So now I'm like going to events and maybe I'm just pouring beer, but like those proceeds are going back to local non-profits.

Sarah:

Or like meeting people,

Rachael:

and I'm meeting people and like or like I'm applying to be like help build out like the young professionals board at another organization and I'm like I'm like making impacts here in my control. And now I'm like work is great again.

Rachael:

Because like I don't, like it's not my sole purpose, it's not

Sarah:

right,

Rachael:

you know. And even though I still work from home yes, it sucks, like I don't love it, but every night after work I'm still out of dance class, or now I'm around these people and like doing other things and I all. So I feel like reframes are good, but I think it is all like I don't know about you, but I'm like I spiral quickly and I like change my mind quickly. So when I came back from vacation, I was like I got to quit my job, I got to get a new job, like I had to blow up my whole life, and I'm like and then after a few weeks I was like actually, like it wasn't the job, it was just finding like a different reframe.

Sarah:

Yes, I feel like that's like some of like um, one of the perks of ADHD and ADD too is like the impulsiveness, like there are times where I'm like, yes, this is the change I'm making here now today. So when you talked about the money part too, a reframe I've had recently was with the jobs. You know, yeah, working in higher ed was a lot of hours with not a great pay, so leaving to another job, working at um more in health care realm, those paychecks were so nice, isn't it so nice.

Brandi:

Isn't it nice when you pay your bills and you have money left over? Nice?

Sarah:

like this.

Sarah:

I was honestly making stupid money for the amount of hours I was working, but the hours that I was working it hurt my heart like it was not comfortable, I didn't want to be there, I didn't like anything about it, but the money was good and you know, a part of me I feel like in previous years would have been suck it up, get the paycheck, go and live your life. But I also I'm just not the kind of person where I can dedicate my time to something that's not there, even if it is just a work or a paycheck. So, switching now careers to a job I just started, that is basic medium pay, but also basic medium work, and I'm kind of okay with that,

Rachael:

yeah,

Sarah:

like because it gives me the time and the mental load or the enough mental capacity to be able to think about other things that are not just work, because humans are not meant to be this devoted to our jobs. We aren't, we're not supposed to work this much. We obviously, we know that we need, you know, money to put a roof over our head and all those kinds of things, but no, we're meant to live and that's something I've been trying to focus on too.

Sarah:

So you, you mentioned earlier that you kind of think about a list. So I did a a list when I turned 29 this past year, um, of just things I wanted to do before I turned 30, and I feel like they're things that I've thought about a whole lot. Some of them are maybe a little unattainable, but we can still dream. You know, I don't know if I'm going to have the opportunity to travel overseas, out of the country in the next, you know, eight months or so, but we'll see what else comes up there. I feel like once you put it on paper and it's something that you see every day,

Sarah:

it reminds you of the other things that you enjoy and want to do that are not work

Rachael:

well, and I feel like we're not thinking about ourselves majority of the time, like we're thinking about oh, this needs to get done, this needs to get done, this, you, you don't take as much time to think like, what do I truly want? Like myself as an individual, not me in my partnership, not me in my job. Um, so, like what were some of those things that you had on your list?

Sarah:

a couple of things that I uh achieved right off the bat were getting back into music. So I've always loved music. I've always wanted to do something that involved music ever since I was a kid. I played the violin. When I was a kid, I was always in the choir, did a bunch of musicals, taught myself guitar when I was like 12. And then I feel like you know, the rest of the world kind of dims a light.

Rachael:

It crushes your imagination.

Sarah:

It does.

Sarah:

It's

Brandi:

damn adulthood

Sarah:

Right and I'm the kind of person where, unfortunately, I feel like I need validation from other people at times Something I'm working on, because we genuinely don't need validation from anyone other than ourselves

Brandi:

Preach.

Rachael:

You're perfect the way that you are.

Sarah:

Yes, absolutely

Rachael:

Fuck everybody else.

Sarah:

So I've kind of like neglected a lot of my dreams and those little things that made me happy, whether because I thought they were, you know, uncool or because, you know, now I'm pushing 30 and who's going to start something brand new at 30? Like I feel like especially what I'm referring to, too, is music. I love to sing, so you're in the music world, You're around a lot of people who have been doing this kind of thing since they were kids, and like I would have loved that, but I just didn't have that kind of opportunity to do that. Nor did I really feel like I had like the support from other people to do it, and as a kid, I mean, I don't know, it was just hard for me to be able to get myself out there and do that. So we're doing it when we're almost 30, and it's actually been fucking amazing.

Brandi:

There's no timeline.

Sarah:

There's no timeline Literally.

Rachael:

And so how did you like start? You were like, okay, I want to get involved in music. So like how does one even go about doing that?

Sarah:

I went with the fake it until you make it method.

Rachael:

Love it.

Rachael:

Everybody does that, everybody's doing that

Sarah:

and I well, I guess it started at the wedding and I think I might have mentioned that in a previous episode too, but I started with the wedding and I really wanted to, um, do something special for my daddy daughter dance, um. So I ended up taking the song Tennessee Orange and switching up the words to kind of making it more, um, cardinal Red, because I'm a Cubs fan, my husband's a Cardinals fan. So we kind of changed a couple of the words and I was able to then record that song for it to play at our wedding for my dad and I's dance.

Rachael:

And you sang the whole song, right,

Sarah:

yes, it was a recording, so I wasn't singing live, but it was a recording of it

Rachael:

but honestly, like people at the wedding, did not even know it was Sarah singing, like you thought it was like you thought that it was the, whatever her name is, was like actually singing it and we were like what the fuck that was.

Rachael:

Sarah, that's so cool

Sarah:

and in my mind it was kind of like a little way too, that helped with my anxiety, because I'm, I like to say, I have the personality to be, you know, center of attention, but I don't always like to put myself in the center of attention when it's really something that I've worked hard on or like showcasing to the world. Yeah, so, like I told the DJ, I don't want anyone to know this, like just play it and kind of make it a thing Like if you know, you know, or if you figure it out, you figure it out.

Brandi:

I knew.

Sarah:

I had some people I remember looking back at my husband because I didn't tell him about it either.

Brandi:

You didn't

Sarah:

know, I didn't tell him at all, it was a surprise.

Sarah:

So I remember when I was dancing with my dad, I looked over and I see the look and he knew it right away.

Sarah:

So that was fun. So with that, I loved it so much. I'm like I would like to keep doing this. So I just kept doing voice lessons with this school as well, and it just kind of helped me open up and put away some of the anxiety that I felt about truly being myself, because I found, like when I am singing and doing these things, like it is an uncomfortable feeling but for the first time it's a really, really good uncomfortable feeling, like it's it's something that you, that I, am forcing myself into. I want to do it, but I also know that I'm scared at times. So I've been trying to trick my mentality a little bit because and, Brandi, I don't know if you know more this, more scientifical terms for this, but the chemicals that your brain and your body releases when you are nervous is the same as when your body is excited.

Brandi:

Yes,

Sarah:

but it's your brain that flips that switch of. Am I excited or am I nervous?

Brandi:

Yes, so

Sarah:

I've been trying to literally out loud and to other people are you nervous? No, I'm excited and I'm internally shaking, but

Brandi:

yeah

Sarah:

it kind of works

Brandi:

I mean you have to.

Brandi:

It's you're reframing, you're rewiring your brain

Sarah:

we're reframing the brain

Rachael:

reframing

Brandi:

when you're nervous or stressed or scared. You are getting to fight your flight um, and you have to basically tell yourself and convince yourself mentally that it's not a fight or flight situation,

Sarah:

right?

Sarah:

and that literally nothing bad can happen. You're going to be back in the same exact seat that you were in beforehand. If it doesn't work out in your favor and you have no idea what that can bring, even doing something that you know isn't going to work out, still go for it and do it, because you never know what's going to come of that, what you're going to learn about yourself, what you're going to open yourself up to people you're going to meet.

Sarah:

You know it's it's,

Brandi:

yeah,

Sarah:

it's this mental reframe of you can start anything at any point in time

Brandi:

yeah, you could start a new career right now if you wanted to,

Sarah:

absolutely,

Brandi:

you could go back to school.

Sarah:

You could yeah go back to school, join the play, like. Go out for the baseball team, like who cares if you, if it even brings you the tiniest bit of joy or put a smile on your face, regardless of what anyone else thinks or says, just fucking do it

Brandi:

yeah.

Rachael:

I feel like this idea of like a reframe kind of reminds me of that movie.

Rachael:

Look Both Ways

Sarah:

oh yeah, oh yeah,

Brandi:

I did not.

Rachael:

So it's about this girl who, like, sleeps with this guy, and it splits into two different storylines.

Brandi:

Oh, yes, yes, yes, I know which one

Rachael:

she gets pregnant and, like, has the baby and the other one is like she doesn't get pregnant and like goes off to be like this awesome, like art director or something like that.

Rachael:

And I I feel like it's kind of like that. It's like if you don't make a decision, you're going to be stuck, but you should just make the decision and go for it because either route that you take, like you're going to be okay and it's all going to work out the way that it's supposed to work out

Sarah:

absolutely.

Rachael:

And I and I even try to tell myself that like if I didn't end up having kids, like I would still be okay. That means like I get to travel all the time. I don't have to, like I can sleep in on the weekends like it would be great but like do I want to be a mom?

Rachael:

yeah, of course I want to be a mom,

Sarah:

yeah

Rachael:

So I think the ultimate decision of not doing anything is the worst decision that you can do

Sarah:

right,

Brandi:

yep, you just gotta do it scared.

Sarah:

You gotta do it scared, and

Rachael:

and get back to like that creative, like inner child, honestly like

Sarah:

yes

Rachael:

if I like I've been thinking recently.

Rachael:

I'm like man, if I could be anything, like go back to when you were a child. Like if you could be anything, like I would be a ballerina,

Sarah:

yeah,

Rachael:

and like I don't know if I've said this on the podcast before, but like, so I, so I'm putting this out into the universe Like I, you know, connected with my old professor, like had coffee with her. She connected me to somebody else. So then I like joined the civic engagement organization and then, like one of the first girls that I meet, she's like, oh yeah, like I do ballet class in, you know, in this area, like once a week, and I'm like, what? You do ballet, like 10 minutes away from where I live. Um, okay, let's go. So I'm just like it's the universe like pushing me in the right direction to reframe and say like, yeah, I'm 30 something years old, but I can start to do ballet again, and like, why not?

Sarah:

It's

Sarah:

it's shifting from I like how this is worded shifting from life happens to me to I'm co-creating it and as soon as you do those things and make that step, if it's meant to be, things will just fall into place. I mean the moment that I'm trying to think of the first thing that I did. Oh, my first thing that I did with my music was I auditioned for a musical. It was over in the next state, over which is, you know, 30 minutes away. I purposely went to one that was a little farther away from my house to settle my own anxiety of am I gonna see someone I know there, like I think that's kind of a anxiety that has stemmed from my high school, going to such a large high school and like having all these eyes on me and everything. So I went there, ended up getting a callback.

Rachael:

Hell yeah,

Sarah:

went to the callback, didn't get it, I did not care, and I was actually so surprised at how I handled my own mentality in that too, because beforehand I feel like if I didn't make something, I would have spiraled Like I'm not good enough. This is just not for me not meant to be and no, I was just so freaking proud of myself for the first time of just going there to do it and not backing out. And ever since then it's like things just pop up and I feel more confident in saying, yeah, let's give that a try.

Rachael:

Yeah,

Sarah:

yeah, let's try and do that. And

Rachael:

well,

Sarah:

things just happen and fall into place and now I'm in a fucking band, like that's fucking crazy.

Rachael:

She's in a band, everybody,

Sarah:

I'm in a band.

Sarah:

That's so crazy. And now I'm doing a workshop with someone who's on Broadway, like I would have. I dreamt of that as a kid. And it just starts from doing that one thing, because if it is meant to be, it absolutely will happen and fall into place.

Sarah:

you just have to take that first step and own it

Brandi:

yeah,

Rachael:

and I think that I mean I think, Brandi, you can speak to this well is like you're really brave Sarah, and the fact that you, like you, did it on your own like you wouldn't even tell us you were like. I got something going on. I'm like what, what are you?

Rachael:

doing like why are you?

Rachael:

not like why are you not telling us like what's going on, um? But or, you know, going to the very first meeting of this new organization that I joined, like I went by myself and it's like fucking uncomfortable and you just got to do it. But then you do it. You're like holy shit, like I'm so glad that I did it on my own and like I feel like Brandi, you're great at this, like you do a lot of stuff on your own, like I think a lot of people are also afraid to reframe and start something.

Rachael:

Because it also means that they could be on an island by themselves, doing it

Sarah:

Right

Rachael:

For that period of time.

Sarah:

You know I don't want to call myself codependent, because I don't truly believe that's the case, but I do enjoy doing things with people versus on my own, and part of the reason why it's not that I didn't want anyone to like know about it or anything, but I I didn't want anyone to try to convince me, not, I didn't want to take something that someone said and twist it in my own head to think that it's like turning into self-doubt

Brandi:

yeah, absolutely

Sarah:

so. In order to force myself to do it too. I just didn't tell anyone and I'm like you know what?

Brandi:

That's great.

Sarah:

I'm truly doing this for me and nobody else. And wow, that was just an awesome feeling to finally do that.

Rachael:

And I feel like it's good to reiterate that, like you can be living your life and having a very good life and people don't need to know about it,

Sarah:

right,

Rachael:

especially. I mean, I feel like all the good inner work that you do could be shared after the fact or like, but I don't think that you need to tell people about it as it's happening, um, or documented on social media every single minute of every single day, like

Brandi:

absolutely

Sarah:

no.

Sarah:

You are the main character of your own life

Rachael:

yeah, and don't let other people taint your vision and your goals of your life because you posted it out there somewhere or told somebody about it

Sarah:

and just enjoy those things for you, because, I mean, it is your life, it's your story, it's whatever you want to be written with in that book.

Sarah:

Like you have other characters in that book too, but essentially you're the main one.

Rachael:

You're co-creating your life.

Sarah:

Exactly,

Rachael:

let that be your daily mantra I'm co-creating my life.

Brandi:

Yes, I like to ask myself, when I'm making like decisions and stuff, if you were able to go back in time and let your 12, 13-year-old self see what you've accomplished, are they going to be excited and proud of the human you've become? Have you hit those goals that you had back then? Are they going to be disappointed in how their life turned out? And there's no set time, like you said, you're getting ready to turn 30, and you're just now getting into music. And, Rachael, you want to start taking up ballet again and you know deep down that you're not going to be a professional ballet dancer.

Rachael:

Oh, come on.

Sarah:

Who knows

Rachael:

St Louis Ballet like 2027 roster let's go baby.

Brandi:

Hey, I mean, if you do that awesome but you're still hitting those goals that your childhood self like they would think you're a badass for not only having a job but then doing all of this other stuff to make your heart happy.

Sarah:

Right.

Brandi:

And you know, as like, like we've mentioned adulthood, can, you know, dim those rose colored glasses that we have as children and I think a lot of people let that. You know the responsibilities, the day to day life really hinder them enjoying life, and don't get me wrong, them enjoying life, and don't get me wrong there. You know there were times where I was working a couple jobs to pay bills and I know that us three in our lives are very fortunate with, you know, our careers and our opportunities that we have and it can be harder for other people. Um, but even just start small, like if you wanted to be an astronomer as a kid. You don't have to go out and buy a $10,000 telescope, but you can start, you know, reading about it again. You can get just a cheap, outdoor, you know backyard telescope and just start learning again,

Sarah:

right.

Sarah:

Find a group on Facebook who has, you know, like interest.

Brandi:

Yeah, watch a podcast or listen to a podcast or youtube channel about it like just get back in to your passion yeah, you can like take baby steps so you don't have to go balls to the wall right off the bat because you're like, oh, you know, I can't afford this top of the line telescope like I have what I've. Since I've been diving, I've been taking a lot more photos of like wildlife, whether they're on land or on sea, and like eventually I'd love to get a beautiful wildlife camera set up and everything. But I mean that's so much money.

Sarah:

Yeah,

Brandi:

with the lenses and just all the stuff around it. You know taking lessons on, you know how to get the appropriate settings and all this stuff. But I've started with like some basic level stuff and you know I'm going out there and trying things and then, you know, as I do it more and learn more, you can upgrade to get something a little nicer and spend more time doing it like you don't have.

Brandi:

I feel like everyone just wants everything to be like it has to happen now. It has to be fully.

Sarah:

We're also rushed.

Brandi:

Yeah, we have to have all of this done now, like if I get started on something, if I run into one failure, I'm giving up

Sarah:

right,

Brandi:

you know,

Sarah:

and we need to be not so afraid of failing

Brandi:

we need some resilience.

Brandi:

Yeah, just get yourself back up, try it again. Maybe find a different group if you're not gelling with them.

Brandi:

Um,

Sarah:

call it changing directions instead of failing.

Brandi:

Yeah

Sarah:

, because I truly feel like there is no failure

Brandi:

you learn something from it

Sarah:

you're always going to learn something from it,

Brandi:

absolutely

Rachael:

the I don't know like the shittiest experiences in my life have like made me the strongest person

Brandi:

what doesn't kill you makes you stronger

Sarah:

and kind of you know full circle.

Sarah:

Here, too, is we need to be okay with not being who we used to be as well when we go into reframe, because we are constantly changing.

Rachael:

Also don't hold other people to like. Don't expect other people to be the same person either,

Sarah:

correct

Rachael:

Because I mean, I think that it is tricky. Like you've known these people for X amount of years, like you see them on social media and like you expect, like you are still envisioning them as the version that they were 10 years ago. Like you don't know who they are now, and you shouldn't be the one trying to like. Preserve that.

Rachael:

Like you should be embracing the fact that they are also leaning into their own reframe.

Sarah:

It's same thing like when you're, you know, thinking about marriage and the person you're with too. It's like I hear people like oh, I'm unhappy because they, you know, they're not who they were when I met them. Well, good, they, they shouldn't be who they were when you met them.

Brandi:

Yeah,

Sarah:

because that means there's been no change.

Brandi:

No, growth

Sarah:

no, nothing like. You need to continue to choose the people in your life as you grow. Not everyone will be here for a long time, but they're going to be there for just the right amount of time, for the reason yourself, to learn something or you know, whatever the reason might be, whether just for support or to put a smile on your face one day like who knows. But not everyone's always going to be there for forever. But we need to keep that in mind, that we are not the same people that we used to be. The people who we love are not the same people that used to be, and that's good.

Brandi:

Yeah,

Sarah:

that's that's how we grow and continue to always find ourselves in ourselves and in each other

Rachael:

the Kozy that I met years ago was a big partier and now she's like gonna be famous with a broadway star on stage, you know.

Rachael:

So I mean, she's changing right before our eyes.

Rachael:

Ladies and gentlemen,

Sarah:

it is, it's crazy, it it really is crazy. I feel like this is kind of, I guess, what I had thought. You know part of how I thought I was a little bit behind. I'm actually a little bit more excited for my 30s.

Rachael:

Oh the 30s are way better than the 20s

Brandi:

yes, that was.

Brandi:

that's another reframe I think we can talk about, because I feel like previous generations have always been like oh, dreading turning 30.

Sarah:

Yeah,

Brandi:

I'm getting so old and we're over here like living our best lives,

Sarah:

right.

Sarah:

I don't want to go back in time, oh my gosh, I see 21-year-olds right now and I'm just like. I know that I was that annoying, but like was I. I don't know. It's all so different. I feel older.

Rachael:

Your 30s are like anything is possible.

Sarah:

Yeah,

Rachael:

that's kind of how I feel about the 30s.

Sarah:

I feel like 20s are still just finding yourself and figuring it out.

Sarah:

We know so many of the things that we don't like, but it's finding the things that you do and focusing on those and I feel like it's you spend your 20s finding out the things that you don't like and then spend your 30s enjoying the things that you do

Rachael:

also like saying no to the things that you don't like anymore, like finally being brave enough to be like no, that doesn't like bring purpose to my life, bring joy to my life, don't care who you are, what the situation is,

Sarah:

and don't allow yourself to feel that guilt, because I know I'm very guilty of constantly feeling guilty that I'm not serving someone right or you know good enough or doing the best of my abilities.

Sarah:

but we don't always have to be 100%. No one can like. It is physically impossible for anyone to be 100% 24/ 7.

Brandi:

And it would be exhausting,

Sarah:

exhausting. So why try Like? Just try less, and I think people will be a lot happier too, because you'll be able to kind of just more gauge on, like I said, the things you don't like, the things you do like, and know what's important for you,

Rachael:

absolutely

Sarah:

So we encourage a reframe.

Rachael:

Yeah, what are you reframing? I

Rachael:

want to hear about what other people are reframing in their lives.

Sarah:

It's really fun to see our parents and like age and their reframe at the moment. I don't know if it's maybe just relative to my parents but, like my dad was a workaholic all life, my entire life a workaholic and it's really fun to see from the outside his reframe now as a retired man who is so much more relaxed and, you can just tell, enjoying life so much more than I have ever seen in my life.

Brandi:

Yeah,

Rachael:

yeah,

Sarah:

and he's, you know, over 60, and

Sarah:

you can reframe at any moment,

Sarah:

any moment,

Brandi:

and you don't have to wait till retirement either

Sarah:

oh right, right,

Brandi:

you know like those other generations, they worked, worked, worked, then they retired, and the sad thing is is a lot of people don't get a lot of time after they retire to truly enjoy themselves so I really think it's important to prioritize a lot of that when you are younger, as much as you can.

Brandi:

Obviously, finances and things like that can impact it, but again, start small and like just find joy now while you can. And we've talked about this before, but my parents are like 10 years younger than you, so they haven't gone through a reframe because they're still working. They they're not close to retirement yet, so I haven't been able to experience that as much as you have with your parents.

Sarah:

Yeah, but it's been interesting

Rachael:

for sure,

Brandi:

yeah,

Rachael:

all righty.

Rachael:

Well, let us know on social,

Sarah:

yeah, what your reframe reframe is.

Rachael:

Yeah,

Sarah:

or what reframe? What have you learned from your reframe? That would be advice for somebody else who is looking to go down that road.

Brandi:

Or if it took you a while to actually reframe, like what would you tell other people that are also struggling to make that decision or change?

Sarah:

You're never too late, you're always on time,

Brandi:

yep.

Brandi:

Don't compare yourself to others

Rachael:

Saying that. You said co-creating your life.

Sarah:

Oh yeah, it was, I wrote it down here. It's shifting from life happens to me to I'm co-creating it.

Rachael:

I'm co-creating it.

Sarah:

Yep,

Rachael:

I love that.

Sarah:

We're all in exactly the right spot.

Brandi:

Everyone's circumstances and life history is different, so don't compare yourself to what other? People have accomplished or haven't accomplished.

Sarah:

Focus on making your life yours.

Sarah:

Yep

Rachael:

Live your life, be a nice person.

Sarah:

Get it girl,

Rachael:

the nice people in the place and ladies. I know that this podcast is for you, but I do want to do a shout-out to a lot of the guys out there, because I've had a solid at least five of my guy friends reach out and be like I listen to your podcast. It's great. One of them is even following along with every single episode. So thanks, you know who you are out there.

Sarah:

We appreciate you,

Rachael:

so we appreciate and we also want to hear your

People on this episode

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Brandi S

Co-host
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Rachael A

Co-host
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Sarah K

Co-host

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