Girl Gang Podcast
Welcome to Girl Gang Podcast, a vibrant space where three dynamic women come together to share their unique perspectives and forge meaningful connections.
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Girl Gang Podcast
Episode 19: Curiosity Over Combat: Civil Discourse in a Heated World
If your first impulse in a heated conversation is to clap back, you’re not alone—and your brain might be to blame. We dig into civil discourse as a practical skill, unpacking how the amygdala hijack fuels online and offline blowups and how a simple mindset shift toward curiosity can change the outcome. Our goal isn’t to sand down your beliefs; it’s to help you hold them with clarity, humility, and respect so disagreements leave you wiser, not wounded.
We share the building blocks of respectful debate: setting clear intentions before you speak, asking one genuine question before you argue, and grounding claims in evidence. We also tackle the messy reality of modern media. Algorithms reward outrage, panels blur facts with opinions, and confirmation bias narrows our view. We compare strategies for better information hygiene—scanning left/center/right coverage, using tools like 1440 and AllSides, and knowing when to say “I don’t know” and come back after real research.
This conversation gets practical about emotional regulation, too. From breathing resets to stepping away from screens and choosing face-to-face when stakes are high, we outline habits that keep you calm enough to be curious. We talk boundaries, kindness as discipline, and why most people live in the gray—far more complex than their party label. If national politics feels immovable, we show how local action and community trust can make change you can actually feel.
Ready to trade combat for curiosity and find the human behind the headline? Listen now, subscribe for more grounded conversations, and share your take—what’s one question you’ll ask before you argue?
Hi everyone, welcome to Girl Gang Podcast. My name's Rachael.
Sarah:I'm Sarah.
Brandi:And I'm Brandi, and we are your hosts for this episode.
Rachael:So this week we are going to talk about civil discourse. I think all of us can agree that the world is pretty crazy right now. And there's a lot of opinions going back and forth. So we thought civil discourse would be a good topic to cover in this. Now I will say that when we decided to start the podcast, we did not want to be a political podcast or a religious podcast by any means. But I think we can all agree that civil discourse is important and we should all be able to talk about things in a respectful manner and be able to disagree on items, um, but still respect one another. So for those of you that don't know what civil discourse is, civil discourse is a way to talk about different topics that build a healthy democracy. You know, you can, when you're focusing on civil discourse, you focus on the issue, you don't focus on the person, you're really in it to learn and understand um what that other person is, you know, thinking, feeling. There's mutual respect there. You have evidence to kind of back up um what you're talking about, and you can find some common ground as to some of the points that are being talked about. So it's civil discourse is not a way to, you know, say you're wrong, that's not right, um, being nice to kind of avoid awkward topics. It's not an attack on free speech, um, and it's not caving into like your own beliefs and things of that nature. So civil discourse truly is just a way to um be civil with one another, have a conversation that you might not necessarily agree on, and try to understand the other person's side.
Brandi:Emphasis on civil.
Rachael:Civil, yes. It's civil discourse.
Sarah:Because disagreeing does not equal disrespecting.
Rachael:Exactly. Like we can all disagree on something and still respect one another. And at the end of the day, we all have more in common than we have less in common with one another.
Sarah:And it's not always about trying to change someone else's perspective or change the viewpoint that's different from yours. Sometimes it is just about learning and listening and being curious about other viewpoints and other perspectives, and that's the only way we grow. I mean, if we knew everything it'd be pretty easy and boring. I mean, so it it's a constant learning experience, and it might be uncomfortable at times, but I think it's it's important and we'll end up learning more about ourselves and about others, which will be all farther.
Brandi:You know, we all have different backgrounds, we all have different life experiences that influence our opinions on things. And you know, maybe when you have the conversation, you understand why someone, you know, believes or feels the way they do, because they had you know the the exact opposite, you know, childhood or a different experience at one point that led them to have that opinion. Um so having these conversations, you learn more about that other person, you see another side. Um even if you don't agree with it, you can become more empathetic uh towards situations, and it's just, every, there's three sides to every story. There's the two perspectives and then the truth. And you know, sometimes it's good to hear that other side and then you know, make your own decision after you hear both sides.
Rachael:And I think it's really easy. Just an example. I feel like I used to go into conversations angry, like I was like ready to fight. Just given my background, I'm like, oh fuck no, like I'm standing up for myself, like I will take you down. Not necessarily when it came to like you know, political or like any of these things, but there are certain things that like I'm gonna fucking die on this cliff for, you know.
Sarah:Makes your blood boil. I think we've all felt that way.
Rachael:But in particular, like, even just my own like personal life, I feel like I was like, fuck no, it's me against you, like I'm not gonna get trampled on, I'm not gonna get bulldozed like by your opinions, by your actions, that sort of thing. So what I have learned is that, and what works really well is like I used to come into all these conversations with anger, like ready to protect myself, anything like that. And then I've kind of switched gears and come at it from a place of curiosity. And I feel like for big topics like should AI exist, like, should this happen? Like, you know, all these like bigger life questions, I always came into it with more curiosity. And so I've taken this more into my personal life as well of like, can I go into this situation with more curiosity? And that has completely changed the way that my relationships are because it's no longer me against you, it's wow, let's just like have a conversation, and at the end of it, we're gonna be so much closer and feel so much more connected because of the curiosity aspect. Yeah, and I feel like we're lacking that curiosity right now. Like everybody is just so like, oh, you have to listen to me, it's my way or no way and I don't think that's necessarily the case.
Sarah:Kind of like let's not go into these things with like a list of all of our opinions and values, but let's go into it with what can I learn today? Like what's something new that I can learn versus who can I force my opinion onto?
Brandi:Well, and that's exactly it, because you can go into a debate and you could you don't know everything about every conversation, and they may have the opposing viewpoint may have facts that you're like, oh, I didn't know that. Right. But these days I feel like instead of absorbing that and you know, taking that in and having that either solidify or change your opinion, you're taking it as an attack and becoming combative, and I think that's really where society is.
Sarah:So I Googled tha t. It's called the Amygdala hijack. We've talked about like your fight or flight, but it's the am and I I think I'm pronouncing that right, I probably am butchering that, but the amygdala, amygdala in your brain. Um, it's a sudden intense emotional amygdala open what um amiga amidala, amigala. Someone correct me, I'm not good with words.
Brandi:I would have to see I would have to see the word to help you
Sarah:I t's basically the part of your brain that um controls like your fight or flight. Um so it it's a sudden, intense emotional reaction that occurs when this part of your brain that's responsible for processing emotion perceives as a threat. So it's the reaction that leads to your irrational behavior, such your aggression, your panic, your avoidance. And I feel like there are times, like you were saying, Brandi, we walk into a room and it it's it goes back to your your brain, it's your your fight or flight. Like I kind of feel a little, I don't know if offended's the wrong word, but there's some times where I see something or I hear something, and I'm like, oh, I feel the blood boiling and
Rachael:You're triggered.
Sarah:Kind of triggering, but it's it's being more aware of do I really feel like I need to contribute to this fight? Is there anything that is of value that I can actually contribute to this conversation? Or do I want to sit back and just learn and and see what everyone else is is thinking and feeling? I don't know. I feel like it's a fine line between wanting to be open and share my opinions and and exercise your freedom of speech, but also knowing when you just don't need to.
Rachael:Well, and I think so when they say, you know, I think civil discourse takes a little bit of preparation. Like you kind of have to be prepared to have a conversation because you have to think about it a little bit. You have to think about how you feel about it, you have to think about, you know, are there facts that you need to look up, anything like that. And um, you know, they say like to prepare for it. There was three questions that they um were saying, like, what's what are you trying to get out of the conversation? Like, are you trying to persuade somebody? Are you trying to learn something? Um, and so I don't think a lot of us are going into these conversations with understanding what we're trying to get out of it. It's like we just want to state our opinion, and our opinion is fact when it's not necessarily always
Brandi:Yeah, I think intention is important and yeah, I just I just wish there was a better answer.
Sarah:I feel like when you when you don't have those facts,
Brandi:It triggers the fight in you.
Sarah:Yeah, because it's almost like an attack on your morals. Like it feels like at times. Like I know I felt that way in being in a group of people where maybe a conversation comes up and it could be a similar political viewpoint, it could be a a very different political viewpoint, but I think we've all been in a situation where we're in a group where something is being talked about. We might not feel the most comfortable. Um but I think we've also maybe been in a situ been in a situation where if we did say something, there's usually one person in the group who's gonna make you feel shitty about it or make you feel a certain way about it. And it's like, well, I I'm not here to to argue. I mean it's like it's questioning your morals if you don't agree with it. It just it's a good thing.
Rachael:I mean nobody wants to feel shitty. Nobody wants to get attacked in a negative way.
Sarah:And I don't wanna do that to make other few people feel that way either. So it's it's like a balance of sharing your opinions and your viewpoints in a healthy way and not yeah.
Rachael:Do we feel like social media is like the death of
Brandi:Society, yes, in all aspects! Yes.
Rachael:I mean I feel like it's a I strongly believe that it's the death of relationships in a lot of ways.
Sarah:And I hate that because I feel like it was made to be convenient and made to bring people from great distances together, and it still is and can be that, but it's also utilized for a lot of negative
Brandi:What you mean human society has taken something good and twisted it to be bad?
Rachael:Whattttt
Brandi:It's not like that's our human nature.
Rachael:Do you think it was this bad before we all had to stay home for a really long time?
Brandi:Yes.
Rachael:Uh do you do more doom scrolling now versus when you
Sarah:Oh I definitely do more now than before COVID I think I definitely spend more time on my phone post-COVID than I did pre.
Brandi:I don't know what I've been about the same. However, the one caveat is the invention of TikTok. If that had been around pre-COVID, it would probably stay the same. But since that has come like because I got really popular during COVID. Yes. So because everyone is at home making videos. If TikTok did not exist, my Doom scrolling would be about the same amount. That's but it has increased significantly because it exists.
Rachael:For my mental health, I have well, first of all, you all know that I don't use TikTok. And I figured out the way to mute my videos so that way when I do open TikTok, it's automatically muted, which is great because I used to open it and it would scare the fuck out of me because it'd be like, you know, some videos happening. Um so now that I've muted it, great. I can watch all of the videos that you send me, but I don't actively go on TikTok. But I also have limited to I only get on social media five minutes a day. Like I only I bumped it up to 10 minutes, okay. Um, because of podcast stuff. But for 10 minutes a day, I can be on Facebook and Instagram. And but I do, I feel like I just like scroll and I see like people blowing up one way or the other about like any and every topic, and it just stresses me out. I unfollow like I don't follow a lot of people. Um, I stay friends with them, but I unfollow them just like for my own mental health. Yep. Also, I've just like learned that people might message you and I just don't open their messages because I just don't want to talk to them, and that's okay to do.
Brandi:Um set your boundaries, even online.
Rachael:Y eah. Um I don't think anybody talks about that enough. Like, what are your online boundaries?
Sarah:I mean, I I try to only like accept people on social media that I like know everyone. Obviously, I think like you can't it's not really for like TikTok or anything, but in Instagram and Facebook, I feel like I private accounts, I really only care about people who I you know care about. But there are some times where I'm I'm friends with someone or I'll forget that I'm friends with someone and something comes across my feed, and if it's just it's not even a political thing where it's like, oh, you shared this and I can assume that you're on this, you know, standpoint of something and I'm unfriending you. It's not because of that. But there are things where I'm just like that, I don't want a friend like that. Like whatever they shared is just something that is so mean or crude that I'm just like, I don't care where you are on the political spectrum, like the fact that you are thinking and feeling that way about another human being. I just don't want to I don't want to see that. So unfriend. Yeah. If you're not a kind person. If you're not kind, like you can have your opinions and share your things. I love seeing that on my Facebook. Like I have many friends that are of many, you know, diverse backgrounds and and ways of thinking and viewpoints, and I love doing that. So it's not that I'm unfriending people who don't agree with what I think. But it's it's a moral thing where I'm like, that's kind of going I don't know.
Rachael:Why do you think people don't do civil discourse? I can't have these conversations.
Sarah:I think people are uncomfy and scared.
Brandi:Yeah, uncomfortable. Um people don't like being told they're wrong.
Sarah:T rue.
Brandi:Or be proven wrong, maybe not told wrong because but proven wrong, you've got the facts. Society, um it has gotten soft in both like I don't care if you're far left, far right, in the middle, everyone's gotten soft as far as taking any kind of criticism, whether um because there's
Rachael:or thinking critically.
Brandi:Yes, thinking critically, they don't do that. They don't take the potential that they could be wrong, they don't take handle well.
Rachael:Yeah.
Brandi:And I really think that kind of comes back to social media where they have act, you know, the internet, maybe not even just social media, but the internet as a whole. Because regardless of your opinion versus the facts, you can go find quote unquote facts that support your viewpoint, even if it's wrong with the internet, because you can post anything you want on there.
Rachael:Well, and um and
Brandi:people suck,
Sarah:they do it's that confirmation bias where we just want to believe what we think and we feel like.
Rachael:Well, and like people will just blow you up if you you know, if you have a certain opinion or if you say something like, I think people are really scared to state how they feel because it might not be politically correct, or like this idea of like I don't know.
Brandi:Oh, I don't I don't touch with a ten foot pole anything on social media that's political, religious, any of that.
Rachael:Yeah. Because Well, you just open yourself up to a can of worms of like, okay, I might share one thing and then somebody doesn't like it, so then they feel like they have to comment and well, one, I don't want to be attacked for something.
Brandi:Two, I know that I don't educate myself well on certain things, so I don't feel like I have the knowledge to back up a lot of those kinds of posts. Um, so and I think that a lot of people who post those kinds of things struggle with that. They don't actually go and do their research before they post it, they just see clickbait or you know, a yeah, something headlining that makes you like just instantly upsets you or triggers you in a way, and you just share it.
Rachael:That's part of the algorithm though, right? Though, because it's just you know, something does anger you, so then the algorithm will just keep feeding you that stuff over and over and over again, right?
Brandi:And especially because it gets attention, you're gonna either share it, you're gonna comment on it, you know.
Sarah:Exactly. Or it gets it to blow up. They had a a study from the University College London that was just watching the increase in the misogynistic content over a span of five days on TikTok. And it was just they noted that the more videos you spend time watching, obviously they're gonna the algorithm's gonna push more of those out at you. But if you're also the one who is constantly, you know, commenting on everything and you know, you're liking those things and you're you're just watching those, it's gonna feed you more and more and more and more. And that's all that you're gonna be consuming on your social media, is just that negative content that's just making your blood boil and making you want to, you know, just go out and
Brandi:the whole point of an algorithm is to promote engagement, right? But if so if that's what you're engaging in, right, and that's why that's why uh people have found ways. So like when you when you do scroll a lot on TikTok and you like a lot of things, and you start so like right now, mine's all animal videos. But if I wanted to get away from that, there's there's tricks to reset your algorithm on TikTok, which is much easier to do than on Instagram or Facebook or any of those. Um at least it's quicker because you can just keep scrolling and it and you don't like it. Um fun fact, if you just scroll through your TikTok videos and don't really linger on them and you don't like them or comment on them, yeah, it'll eventually kind of reset itself to until you start liking or commenting or sharing similar videos, then it'll it'll bring you back. Um so that is one way if you're kind of down a rabbit hole and you're like I can't do this anymore, it's you know, upsetting, or you just want something new on your your timeline, that is a way to do it.
Sarah:Because I feel like we what we see on social media we also take with us too, like kind of part of that snowball effect. Like you're you're seeing and you're contributing to all this, you know, debating online and you know, you're seeing something, you're reading something over someone that you don't know, you're not able to actually, you know, ga engage face to face, but then you're taking all that hatred that you have inside of you and you're you're bringing it to your family gatherings, you're bringing it out to your friends, and then you're getting all them riled up and talking about it, and then before you know it, no one's having a good time because everyone's just coming over nothing. Like if we're gonna argue to solve something, beautiful. But I feel like a lot of it is just arguing just to argue. And it's not like we're getting anything done or like really we're just talking about solutions, but what are we doing to really solve this stuff?
Rachael:What did we do before social media to solve these things?
Brandi:You didn't talk about it.
Sarah:Or it feels like
Rachael:I s it better? Is it better to not talk about it, or is it better to talk about it on social media where everybody's an asshole?
Brandi:See, okay, here's my question. The conversations on social media, how many people actually after that conversation have a different opinion than when they started?
Rachael:Probably not much. I would say people are just angry and like ready to fight.
Brandi:So I agree
Sarah:They want to be heard, which is understandable, but it's it's that doesn't make put you in the right.
Brandi:So I almost think for and you can listeners, you can disagree with me. I almost think it's better not to talk about it because you're still gonna come away from that conversation with your own opinion. Yeah, and it's very likely not gonna change because of one conversation you had with someone. True. It's their job. It's literally only going to put a negative connotation or splinter that relationship you have with that person.
Sarah:I found myself thinking that working in some of the assisted livings because you're obviously with with people who are in their, you know, anywhere from their 60s to 90s, you know, a big age group, but all significantly older than me. And you can tell there's always those people who love to have those political conversations or those conversations about science or something. And you can see the two old guys who are sitting there at the table just going at it, just with each other on their differences and opinions. And they can still, you know, like disagree, walk away, you know, whatever. But there are some times where they open up their conversations to me too, and I have to kind of stop myself where I'm like, hmm, I know this like 50-year age gap between us, we're gonna think a little bit differently on this. You're 85 years old, I'm not gonna fight you on this. Talking to one of them, you know, I want to share their my opinions, and it's something that I can learn from what they have to say, but I don't have to agree with it. And I can share what I think with them, but I don't have to press it because I don't feel the need to change that person's opinion. I just like having the conversation to hear what they have to say as well, though.
Rachael:I think it makes a difference when you're not trying to force it on somebody. Like there is a difference of this is what I believe and this is why I believe it, and take it what you will. But as people are exposed to different situations, I feel like they kind of understand why you might feel that way, which is kind of what you were saying earlier, Brandy. Like, unless you've experienced it, unless you've been in that situation, you might not understand it, and you may have a totally different opinion because of it.
Brandi:I also feel like um the conversations you have in person, you tend to have more empathy towards that person because you're seeing their reactions, you're seeing their emotions, you can hear it. And I feel like that is severely lacking when you have online discussions. Yes. Um, you kind of lose the humanity of the conversation, and that's when people get really ignorant and ugly.
Sarah:People are more bold when they're hiding behind a phone.
Rachael:Most definitely.
Brandi:Yeah, and that's I mean, that's always that's how I mean the cyberbully.
Sarah:Whatever thumbs he always says, he's like, Oh, they've got oh, I I can't think of what he says. Yeah, they've got hardworking thumbs or something. Yeah.
Brandi:But I mean, that's why bullying's so bad now, because half these kids wouldn't say what they say to the kids in like to their face. But because they can hide behind that keyboard, you know, things have escalated, and that's again where technology and the internet have come to be. While it was a great invention and it does give us a lot of perks, it also comes with a lot of bad side effects.
Sarah:Right, and I find myself very much like in this kind of weird median zone where yes, the social media is completely, you know, killing our brains with some of the content that we're we're sharing with each other. But in another world, I also love it because I've feel like I've been able to um open up my own mind to a lot of other types of peoples and cultures that I've been able to see and see firsthand from people I follow on TikTok that live in different countries and getting to see how they live their lives and and just different cultures and learning more about that. And I absolutely love getting the opportunity to be able to see that. Um but i it it does. There's there's
Rachael:there's so many good and bad.
Sarah:And there's a line too between there are sometimes, like we said, I I do want to keep quiet, but I also think it's so important for us to speak up. But it's kind of a scary time to speak up almost too, because we're so prone to we we don't know how to manage our own emotions, I think, as as a society. Like
Rachael:Oh my gosh!
Sarah:Like we we we can't everything resorts to violence.
Rachael:And it's because we don't know how to manage our emotions. Right. What did I post? I found I posted something on my story talking about social media. I posted something on my story a while back. Um, how do I figure out how to do this?
Brandi:OkU boomer.
Rachael:This totally is me. Okay. Um, it says teaching people how to regulate their emotion is crime prevention, it's addiction prevention, it's suicide prevention, it's generational healing, it's how we stop raising adults who explode, implode, or shut down at the first sign of discomfort. Emotional regulation is not just a soft skill, it's survival, it's the foundation of a society where people can disagree without dehumanizing each other, where accountability isn't seen as an attack, and where conflict doesn't always have to mean violence.
Brandi:So that really I so when I said people are soft, that's that's a more eloquent way of saying that's what I meant.
Rachael:Yeah, I mean, I do think that it probably all comes down to emotions because if you don't know how to regulate your emotions, you get so heated in the moment, you just explode on social media and you're going off on everybody. Or you completely shut down and you like get depressed because you can't handle what was on there, or maybe you go out into sci society and react in a negative way. Um so how can we today regulate our emotions when you have this ever-evolving social aspect? And like it maybe this is just me because I work from home, but like the computer is everything, it is my whole day.
Brandi:It's well, even it's not even working at home. I sit on a computer and I'm at work for eight hours. I'm on my phone. When I wake up, I'm on my phone until I go to bed. You know, like there's a screen in front of me, or uh the TV's on. Like I actually set aside time each night now to like read a physical book, not even like an ebook, just so I can you know.
Rachael:You gotta work your brain or your eye muscles because we're losing all of the muscles in our eyes because we're not we're the computer is within so many inches, and so like they say like every 60 to 90 minutes you need to exercise your eyes, yeah. You need to look and like look farther away. You have to so that's why they say you should take a walk because if you take a walk, you're like looking at the trees and then you're exercising your eye muscles, otherwise, we're all gonna go blind.
Sarah:So you could do like the EMDR as well. Isn't that how they started? You were walking down the path and you have to move your eye muscles from one place to the other to help like your brain process information.
Rachael:I've never done EDMRs.
Sarah:That could be a whole other episode too. That's just stretching up your eyes, like it's supposed to help your your brain process things.
Rachael:So um well, if you look left to right, left to right, if you pat, you know, left to right, like it's your brain switching from left to right, left to right, right? Is that what that's supposed to be?
Sarah:Absolutely and I think it's the um I'm gonna butcher this, but the psychologist or the doctor, whoever who um started that or discovered that or whatever. I remember my therapist told me it was like just walking through and she saw it all while she was walking in the trees and moving her her eye muscles, exercising her eye muscles. But um
Rachael:What about news? Like, let's say you decide to get out of the social sphere and you're just trying to like find facts about things moving forward. Um, I feel like people also have very strong opinions about like what news sources to go to nowadays and how would one find um I really hate that like news sources are it's you know, left, right, or in the middle. I never um I and I know that journalism by nature is like supposed to be objective, um, but it's not, you know, everybody has their own opinion, and the people who write have their own opinion. And also, like we've said, it's all about clicks nowadays. So like they want to get the clicks, um
Brandi:They want that advertisement money!
Rachael:Yeah they want the money. So um I feel like I lean into um, I use 1440 a lot, and so 1440 is just it's a daily email that comes through, and they're literally like, here are just the top headlines for the day. We're not giving you our opinion, we're kind of listing it out. Um, so they're notorious, they're they kind of have built their reputation off of we're not trying to give you opinions, we're literally just stating what's in the headlines and here the links to go, you know, do the research yourself. Um, but there are other places out there where you can kind of see does this news item or news source fall on more of like the left, the right, in the middle? And so I lean into all the news sources that are in the middle, or I go left or right to kind of see how people are writing about it differently based on a topic. And I feel like people don't do that enough, like they just kind of lean into the news source that they've always been around. Like they lean into the Fox News, they lean into the CNN, you know, things like that, and they don't go outside of those news sources to try to see what other people are saying.
Sarah:Because remember what Brandi said there's multiple sides of the story. Yeah. There's the perspectives and then there's the truth. And I feel like news is a really good like visualization of that. Of every single news channel and and broadcasting station is going to have a different opinion. But then I feel like there's also the truth in in my mind. I feel like a lot of these news stations kind of like dance or like truth is here in the middle, and all the news stations kind of dance around it. And I never know what station to watch or what to believe. So if if I find something, I typically read it and then I'll go back to Google to find like the same story but written a different way and then kind of create my own.
Brandi:But think people are lazy. So they're gonna want something quick, something convenient, something familiar. And but here's the here's the other thing is you know, we talk about Fox News and CNN and stuff and how journalism is supposed to be objective. So this is how news stations have evolved to get around that. And they bring in and they do these like panelists where they come in and do live interviews and stuff, and they don't have to fact-check these people that are listing their opinions on the news. Right. You I mean, both sides do it, they bring in people that support, you know, have very strong opinions left or right, and they come in and they have them do an interview. And what people don't understand is they hear someone say something and they think that's facts when in reality most of those people doing those interviews have an agenda and are trying to push things because they know people are just gonna hear it and say, Well, I heard this on the news, so this must be fact, but they don't actually fact check, and that's that's one like the news didn't used to do that. You used to read the headline, right, tell what happened, and we move on to the next story. Whereas now they've got all these talk shows where people can come in and say whatever they want,
Sarah:Which is like great because we, you know, freedom of speech, like we have the the freedom to do that, but it's yeah, it's almost like a balance where you can't censor people for what they're doing and what they're saying, but it it is just how we contribute to those conversations. I don't remember if I've mentioned this on the podcast or not, but the newsroom is a drama series. I think it's on like Hulu and HBO Max. Great show that talks about the news and how each channel is going to give their own unbiased or their own biased opinion of these stories, and then one news broadcasting channel that just wanted to tell the news and nothing else about it. Really, really good things like three seasons. Um I don't know if I've mentioned that in the podcast.
Rachael:I don't think you have before. I like this. I came across this company called All Sides, and they're a company that focus they basically they say, you know, every news source is biased. You just need to understand which way they lean, and then when you open up their app, it's the same headline. So, like, you know, something happened, and then it'll say, like, from the right, from the center, from the left, and you can read all the news sources from each perspective. And I'm like, I kind of like that because it's just like feeding me all the sides, true, and then I can read all of them and make up my own mind. And I feel like this is kind of the first time that in like the for 1440. I feel like it's just give me the facts. Like, I don't want any of this bullshit, I don't care what side you fall on. Like, I just want to know what happened and I want to make up my own opinion about it.
Sarah:Yes, I agree. No,
Brandi:I and I feel like most of society falls in line with what we say, but they're silenced by the extremes on both sides. Because everyone I talk to, they're like, Yes, I, you know, believe in this, but I also believe in this other side.
Rachael:We live in the gray, and they try to make it seem like it's so black and white. Like you have to choose this side or this side. Um, you're a tailorable person if you're on this side versus this side. Like we're humans. Humans are complex, and the world is complex. Why do we have to put it into such drastic categories?
Sarah:And I don't want people to feel like we have to like self-censor ourselves. Like that is not what we're what I we want either. Like we we want to be able to share how you feel, and I don't want anyone to feel like they have to be um like censored just to avoid conflict, because that's also very uncomfy.
Rachael:I also think that yes,
Sarah:because I do that. I do that a lot where I I just s stay quiet to avoid conflict when it we should be.
Rachael:Because you don't wanna you don't want to be wrong, or like you don't want to get backlash because of what you say?
Sarah:Like if you say one thing, even if I don't know if that's truly what I think or agree with or not, I kind of just want to say something to like talk about it and bring it up in conversation, and then to just get like shit on or like turned down or like put a label on me when I uh that's not even what I I meant.
Rachael:Do you think I'm branching off here slightly? Do you think that people wake up with the intent of being malicious?
Sarah:I think there are definitely some people, but I don't know. It's kind of like do you believe that there's evil?
Brandi:I think there are people that are so unhappy with their lives and themselves that they want other people to feel that too.
Rachael:And so
Brandi:I believe are those called psychopaths, psycho psychopath, sociopath, one of those?
Sarah:I don't know.
Rachael:Leaning on the sociopath, potentially. I don't know. I'm not a medical person, but this is how I think about it. I'm like, do people wake up with the intent of being malicious? And I would say majority of people do not wake up with the intent to be malicious. I would say by nature, like we all want human connection, we all want to feel like we belong, we all want to feel like we have a place in this world. When it's the people that do have the malicious intent, that's where we start to struggle. And like that's where I feel like it could snowball. Because I'm not like, like, I can get heated, yes, but am I going to be heated about this? Like, am I gonna wake up heated about it? Not really, like, I just want to be a kind person and like try to make a difference in my own little community. And I also feel like with everything happening in the world, it's very easy for us to feel like the world is like caving in on us because it's so heavy. And I think that we all get caught up in like, well, we can't do anything about it, so we're just gonna be negative Nancy'cause because we can't change anything. And I think that we we have we can make a difference in our own community. We can make, you know, we can go volunteer, we can say a kind word to somebody. Like, it's way more impactful if we start small. I don't know. I kind of wanted to
Brandi:That's why I push local elections more too, because they have the most impact on your everyday life.
Rachael:Y eah
Sarah:Yes.
Brandi:And again, that's kind of starting small. Like you want to see change in your community, get out there and put the effort and work into your community, volunteer, improve it. Make sure your local leaders are also benefiting your community and not harming it.
Sarah:Because I think your community has a big part in how we all feel too. Like if you're part of a community that um is uh you know healthy and engaging, you you build trust, and if you have trust in the community around you, you know, it's gonna reduce your depression, you know, you'd feel less isolated and you just feel uh more supported.
Rachael:Um that's probably where a lot of fear is coming from, is we don't trust people nowadays.
Sarah:And I think people see society as so divided and they just become less likely to trust people because they don't feel like they have I mean maybe not everyone, but I feel like they're I've I've definitely felt like that there's not a safe space. I mean, I think some people think we can stay quiet because someone else is gonna figure it out or someone else is gonna do the right thing. But like you said, it it takes the people to start small and build that community to all really work together and and grow.
Rachael:Well, and sometimes like some of the people that give you the biggest backlash could be the people closest to you as well. True. And so then you really feel trapped because yeah, you're like, okay, well, now even the people in my circle, like my close circle, I can't necessarily open up to you. So I think that's why civil discourse is more important than ever, because we have to be able to recognize that we're not gonna agree on everything. We all have different experiences, and that's okay.
Sarah:I saw one thing about the civil discourse that I really liked. It said civil discourse equals curiosity, not combat.
Rachael:Exactly. I gotta go in it with curiosity and not anger.
Sarah:We don't need to all agree. It's just about having respect for other humans because like you said, we're we're we're all humans. We are all trying to do the best that we can.
Brandi:We're all going through life for the first time.
Sarah:We all only know what we know. We all only know what we're doing.
Rachael:One of yeah, one of my friends did say that to me. He said, you know, we're all going through life. We've never been adults before, and sometimes we need help like getting back on track. Because we don't know what we're doing, even though we're adults.
Brandi:You gotta find the more adulty adults sometimes.
Rachael:Yeah. So
Sarah:We can do to get back on track. Yeah, well, and that's what I mean, that's a just a question as well, is like if if there was one way that we could promote civil discourse or feel like we're in a world that is safer to speak our mind and things like that. What's one thing that we could do to get us on that path? Feel safer. Like in my mind, I I think about kindness. You know, if everybody could be kind to one another, I think that would Treat others when you want to be treated.
Rachael:Yeah, like that would like go back to the golden rules here.
Sarah:I feel like one thing that has really helped me um not come on so strong in certain conversations when it when it gets to be more of a debate like that, is to try and ask one genuine question before I actually respond to somebody. Like if I'm in a conversation with you know a friend or my husband or or someone else, and I can see it might be you know a debate or disagreement or just a healthy conversation, it's going back to that be curious. I try to ask a question about what they said to further my understanding or ask about something that I might not have known before before I respond to what they have to say.
Rachael:And I think it's okay to also state that you don't know. Yeah, like you could also state I don't know if I can have an opinion because I don't know enough of the information. Yeah. But do you have resources of where I could look and you know, research a bit and then we could come back and have this conversation? It doesn't have to be a one and done. Um, you also could change your opinion as time goes on. Like just because you felt a certain way before does not mean you will always feel that way.
Sarah:It also doesn't have to be that deep, too. Right. I feel like when when we get about this, like even now too, like we we try so hard to um write the right words to say or find the right kind of response or the right things to do, but like also just be
Rachael:Can I even date this person because they might not have the same political preference.
Sarah:Right, like
Rachael:No, it's just not everyone's not the only thing about them, like
Sarah:Right. Just know that there's more to someone's personality and to their you know being than just a political viewpoint, like go political viewpoint go down to their morals, to their values, like to their personality, who they are as a person, what they're like when no one's watching. Like, there's so much more about a person, not don't just disregard someone just because of what you think their political viewpoint is, or because of one thing that they should be.
Brandi:Well, even if they affiliate with one of the parties, there's more than likely they're not gonna agree on every single issue of that party. They just predominantly
Sarah:And that's what you need.
Rachael:Like, yes, you wouldn't rule certain people out for other reasons, like, oh, you didn't go to college, I can't talk to you about this. Or, oh, you're a female, I can't talk to you about this.
Sarah:Like, like, no, we don't do that.
Rachael:The way that we're ruling people out based on their quote-unquote identity or how they feel about it is just not representational about who the person is.
Brandi:We're making again, we're making things too black and white when everyone's gray.
Rachael:You probably get sick of me saying this, but like I my world is gray. I'm gray if I was green, I would die.
Sarah:I thought you were going to sing that I'm blue ba bi di.
Rachael:I know, I just changed it to gray.
Sarah:I love that.
Rachael:i'm gray if I was blue, I would die. Or does he say green? He says green. I'm gray if I was green, I would die. So listen to the case. We're gonna be able to have to cut this and just put it into the bloopers.
Brandi:Oh, it's not getting cut. We're gonna have to deal with that. If I had to hear they have to hear it.
Sarah:So what else could we do when we get in conversations like this to either help learn help ourselves learn and grow or to balance out the negativity?
Rachael:Yes, and if you could change yeah, if you could change one thing to make our world a more kind and conversational place. What would that be? We want to hear your opinions. Yeah. Hey, and if you don't agree with us, let us know. We can have a good civil discourse about it. Well, thanks everybody for listening. Until next time.
Sarah:Stay bold.
Brandi:Stay empowered.
Everyone:Girl gang out.
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