Girl Gang Podcast

Episode 23: He Ordered a Well Done Steak and Other Red Flags

• Girl Gang Podcast • Season 1 • Episode 23

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We bring “the other Sarah” on mic and unpack red flags, icks, and beige flags—from steak orders and tipping to Snapchat-only chats, emotional cheating, and why small habits expose big values. We laugh, roast, and get real about boundaries, pets, and presence.

• food habits as signals of respect and flexibility
• tipping, first‑date payment norms, and restaurant manners
• Snapchat vs dating app intent and emotional cheating online
• lying and mismatch between stated values and actions
• venting vs solutions and how to set expectations
• rings, control, and boundary respect in relationships
• style and lifestyle filters: cars, piercings, tattoos
• non‑negotiables with pets and home life
• reading, gym culture, and compatible routines
• conversation energy, phone etiquette, and curiosity

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Rachael:

Hi everyone, welcome to Girl Gang Podcast. My name's Rachel.

Brandi:

And I'm Brandy, and we are your host for this episode.

Rachael:

So remember back in the day when we started this podcast and we talked about how we started the Girl Gang and there was four of us. Well, the fourth is the other Sarah. And the other Sarah is here with us tonight. Hello, Sarah.

SPEAKER_03:

Hey guys, how's it going?

Rachael:

We finally convinced her to record with us and we're super pumped. And we're talking about the best topic ever, especially with this Sarah, because we're talking about red flags and icks, and we just have all of the juicy stories and feels about the icks and things that we've experienced.

Brandi:

Um I know.

Rachael:

Um you were talking about this with your physical therapist the other day.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, my physical therapist, I can't tell you how we got to this conversation. But we were talking about icks or reasons we stopped talking to guys. And I was like, the one that came to hit me uh right away was I was at on date with a guy and he ordered a steak well done.

SPEAKER_04:

Oh.

SPEAKER_03:

And I I've never tried to run out of a restaurant so fast in my life.

Rachael:

Interesting.

SPEAKER_03:

Well the worst part was the waitress just goes, Oh, can I butterfly it for you so we can get all the way? And I was like, ma'am, how many times have you been asked this question? Are you okay? I was flown away.

Rachael:

So how do they have to order it for it not to be a red flag for you?

SPEAKER_03:

Literally anything that's not well done.

Rachael:

Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Any other way, you can have it however you like it.

Rachael:

Medium rare medium?

SPEAKER_03:

You're gonna order it, medium well sleep. Medium well. That's like on the cut, like when I when it hurts me to think about you chewing that, you're too far. Okay, why that sounds terrible.

Rachael:

Is that an ick for like female friends as well? Or just got you're just like, I just really don't want to sleep with you now because you like it well done.

SPEAKER_03:

I can't respect like it's hard, it definitely hard. Like it's definitely easier for female friends, like you do you. Yeah, you eat it however you want it. Yeah, you're gonna take me out and adapted to them. If we're gonna go out and eat omino order buying rare medium, whatever, yeah. And you're absolutely not.

Rachael:

Hard best. Interesting. Okay, but I also said I get that thing.

SPEAKER_03:

But I also said no to a guy who told me I put too much garlic in my food back in the day. So we don't even talk about that.

Rachael:

Oh, yeah, fuck that. I mean just because he was weirded out by garlic or like was worried about the garlic breast.

Brandi:

Guys, he was a vampire. That's what that was. Probably. You avoided. Perfect. Then I'm I used the right amount of garlic then.

Rachael:

Yeah. Interesting. Food related icks. I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

Um I'm a foodie, it's hard not to own.

Brandi:

Ooh, I hadn't thought about food ones. I think that kind of just goes back to like going out and how they treat their weight staff. Oh yeah. I feel like that's a big indicator for me. Oh yeah. Um you know, if they're rude, they don't want to tip well.

Rachael:

Uh I've lived that life. You always gotta tip them the 20% unless they're really, really, really terrible.

Brandi:

Yeah. I also, as independent woman as I am, if he asked me to split the bill on the first date, absolutely. Especially if that like if you asked me out. Yeah, exactly. You're paying with the first date.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

Brandi:

After that, we can discuss it. I don't mind. Yeah, we can start sharing after that. But I feel like I'm kind of old school for first dates.

Rachael:

I don't know. Life is expensive. Like, I'm cool splitting it. I feel like, okay, if they pay, then they're gonna be like, hmm, now you owe me a little something something.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, that's fine. I was thinking the same thing about them anyway. Yeah. If we're saying yeah. But also, like, I'm not talking expensive. Like, our first date, we're not going all out. Like, we're not doing anything super big. So, like, if you can't afford to go down the street to some favorite restaurant and get some pasta with me, like we ain't dating scrubs.

Brandi:

Um also, if they comment negatively about what I ordered.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, that's a me. I will walk out of the restaurant. Yeah. I don't care if it's sometimes you'll make a good compliment and I'll walk out because I'll forget. But like bad compliment? Absolutely not. No, you don't know how to handle that? I'm gonna sit there and I'm gonna eat it, and you're gonna watch me eat it, and I'm gonna enjoy every minute of it, and then I'm gonna walk out.

Brandi:

I'm thinking, yeah, yes, but I'm also thinking, like, oh, you ordered a lot for a girl kind of situation.

SPEAKER_03:

And I'm gonna eat it all in front of you.

Brandi:

Yeah.

Rachael:

My ex said that to me.

SPEAKER_03:

The waitress at the sushi restaurant that judged us. Yeah, but I would have judged us.

Rachael:

Yo, if somebody was like, that's too much food, you shouldn't have ordered that much food, I'm gonna be like, you can go suck a dick. Bye.

Brandi:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Cause I suck in ears tonight.

Rachael:

Exactly.

SPEAKER_00:

Exactly. Um there.

Rachael:

I had a thought. I lost it. Okay, moving on. If I think of more food things, I'll let you know.

Brandi:

Okay.

Rachael:

Oh, ribs, okay. I I thought of it now. Okay. Went to dinner with my cousin. Him and I were like catching up. He was giving me a pop-up tent um that I had been trying to get forever. We went to dinner, he ordered ribs, and he's like, Hey, you're my cousin, so I don't have to worry about impressing you or anything. This is fucking awesome. He went on a date a few weeks later and he ordered ribs, like not thinking because he was like, Oh, I came here a few weeks ago and I got the ribs and they were delicious. But he ordered them on the date, and he was like, I didn't really think about this, sorry. But the girl kind of appreciated it because she was like, Oh, you just like got what you wanted and like weren't trying to like impress me or anything. But if ribs gross you out, would that be a nick?

Brandi:

No, you better I dig it in there with you.

SPEAKER_03:

It would be a nick if you pulled out a fork and tried to if you pull out fork and eye for anything like pizza, wings, but get out.

Brandi:

Yeah. No, I I I was I was going to say she got the I thought you were gonna say she got the ick because he picked him up with his hands or something. That's where I thought the story was going.

Rachael:

I don't like things. You know this about me though.

Brandi:

Yeah, that's that's fine. Now if I have embraced it. I like I eat wings sometimes, but just like But bone boneless quote unquote wings, aka just chicken nuggets. I stand I stand on that.

SPEAKER_03:

Fancy chicken nuggets, okay.

Brandi:

Yeah. So that's if you order boneless, it's a nickname.

Rachael:

No, because I order them all.

Brandi:

Um I just think it's funny that everyone's like, no, they're boneless wings. I was like, no, they're just chicken nuggets, but it's fine. Um if if you eat those with like a fork, that's acceptable. Yes.

Rachael:

Blowing your nose at the table when you're at dinner.

Brandi:

Like wiping it or like full-on blowing. Full-on blowing.

Rachael:

Like you just finished a meal and you're like absolutely not.

Brandi:

Like go to the bathroom. I would do that in the bathroom. Now qu on on the tur subject of eating wing soap, like I eat something spicy, my nose tends to. Oh, yeah, yeah. You know, I will like, yeah, I will wipe it, but I won't like flow line elephant into the into the the napkin. Also, that's especially if you're at a restaurant with the cloth napkins and you do that, that's just gross for the wake staff.

Rachael:

Come on. You gotta wash those things.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. So no. Yeah. Someone who's pulled those kind of napcl those washcloths out of or napkins from restaurants even after they've been cleaned. Oh, no. Absolutely disgusting. Yeah. Sure.

Rachael:

Um, what's a big okay, so when I was thinking about this topic, biggest ick, well, not biggest ick, but the first one that I thought of was men who only communicate via Snapchat.

SPEAKER_00:

It's gotta be an ick, right? It's gotta be a red flag.

SPEAKER_03:

I would agree, I would agree it's both. I would think it's both an ick. Well, it's an ick.

Brandi:

If you're certain people if you're wanting a relationship or to date this person, it is a red flag. If you are wanting to just hook up with that person, I'd say it's probably a green flag because you both know what you came there for.

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

Brandi:

Oh yeah.

Rachael:

But like if I want to use that Snapchat for.

Brandi:

If I'm matching with someone on the app and we share a couple of back and forths on the app, and then he's like, S C question mark. No. I don't I'm if we're just saying hi and we talk about like two to three messages back and forth, and he's just immediately wants to move the Snapchat unless I am on uh Tinder. Cause at that point 'cause there's different apps for different things.

Rachael:

Yeah, that makes sense. So I've never been on Tinder, so I don't know.

Brandi:

So Tinder has morphed into more of a hookup culture.

Rachael:

It's always been. It's a lot more now. Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_03:

Because it used to be the only one. Like it was the original, it was the online dating app. Yeah.

Brandi:

But now it's definitely now if you're into wanting more serious things, it's hinge and bumble. Yeah.

Rachael:

Interesting.

Brandi:

But if you're just yeah, if you're looking for uh friends with benefits, you go to like Tinder.

Rachael:

Yeah, sometimes it'll just be like this person recently had it, and I'm like, fuck no. I talked to you like two years ago, bro. Don't even think about it.

Brandi:

Oh, I get randoms all the time.

Rachael:

I'm like, why?

Brandi:

But I think it's because I have a common name. It's like mine's my name and like a number. So don't add me people.

SPEAKER_03:

But yeah, I just ignore 'em. Um, I one time had a guy from Scotland, Ireland, England, one of them. Um, add me on Snapchat because I guess my name was he met some Sarah the night before at some concert or event or something and add me on Snapchat. We talked for like a week.

Rachael:

Was he just trying to find all of the Sarah's? Like all of the Sarah?

SPEAKER_03:

He was like trying to find the Sarah. So I don't know if like granted, my last name's even spelled wrong on Snapchat though. So I don't know how we got there. But yeah, it was like, I'm definitely not the Sarah that you met last night. I've been in the United States for the last couple weeks. Thanks though.

Brandi:

Yeah. Uh so yeah, I think it I think that one is more uh uh dependent on what you're currently looking for.

Rachael:

I this might just be a me thing, but also if the guy that you're dating has a significant shriek with other women on Snapchat red flag.

unknown:

Okay.

Rachael:

That might just be me.

SPEAKER_00:

How do I look up that on the phone?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah.

Brandi:

Oh no shit, thank you.

SPEAKER_03:

No, like if you just open their Snapchat, it'll literally be like right.

Brandi:

Oh, on their phone. Yeah. Is there a way? Oh, I'm not sure. Okay, okay. That's what I was asking. Yeah, I understand if I look at their phone I can see it. Because I've seen I see my streaks. You can see your streaks with them, but you can't see their streaks with other people. Okay. That's what I was saying. I thought there was a way that you could like go and snoop even more.

Rachael:

That would be cool if you could do that.

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, there's probably a way. Someone out there probably knows.

Rachael:

Yeah, let us know if there's a way to do that. But yeah, yeah, yeah. No, that's that makes more sense. Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Snapchat hacks. Let us know.

Rachael:

Yeah, I just but I if I'm just meeting. You know who's my best friend on Snapchat? Probably my brother. He's the only guy I talk to on Snapchat, and that's because that's the only way I can read know if he reads my shit or not. Like, yo, bro, you haven't called me. Call me. Let's see.

Brandi:

I don't have like any family on Snapchat. I think I have like my mom.

Rachael:

Oh, I have zero best friends, actually, because I Snapchat that little. Yeah, it's like I kind of forget you have Snapchat sometimes. I don't use it. It's a waste of time.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, as someone who spends way too much time on Snapchat, love you all have a lot of best friends over here.

Brandi:

I don't know if I have any. Oh, I've got I've got four.

Rachael:

Love it. Support it.

SPEAKER_03:

Sarah, you're one of them.

Rachael:

Oh, that's so adorable.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, you're in mine. I have eight. We're not gonna talk about my top eight. We're not gonna talk about my top eight.

Brandi:

My top eight. Is Tom on there?

Rachael:

Is who? From MySpace.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh oh.

Rachael:

Tom's everybody's best friend.

SPEAKER_03:

On top of it makes sense, though.

Rachael:

Well, that's a really good thing. Let's be fair. Some of them are icks in themselves, probably.

Brandi:

I can't wait. But they're definitely walking red flags.

SPEAKER_03:

Walking red flags. Very good. I can't wait to repost this podcast later and have one of them listen to this.

Brandi:

So they're gonna be like, what are you talking about? They're not gonna list the names, they're not gonna know. They're gonna be like, oh, it's someone else on her roster. Or they're gonna be more like, oh, she has a roster? I thought I was the only one.

SPEAKER_03:

Man, just got called out a lot on that last 20 seconds. You're welcome. Thanks, guys.

Brandi:

We're here for you. Oh, if they don't know, they're dumb and don't deserve you. So facts. Exactly.

Rachael:

You are a prize. You gotta act like it, you know? Know your worth.

Brandi:

I do. I think that's kind of the problem.

Rachael:

Well, yeah.

Brandi:

She made a toy four carat gold. Exactly. And they can't afford her.

Rachael:

And she likes that steak, you know, medium rare. So it's like a win-win all the way around.

unknown:

What the fuck?

Rachael:

Okay. Okay. What other red flags are Ix?

Brandi:

Ooh, how for it.

Rachael:

Um, next one on my list, people who lie. It's just, it fucking irritates me.

SPEAKER_00:

It just seems like maybe not.

unknown:

Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

What is it? People who lie. Well, that's just in general.

Rachael:

It just makes you a bad person. I'm like, at least the honesty.

Brandi:

I don't like that with my friends, family, any of them.

Rachael:

That's just you know what I think is hard nowadays when it comes to dating is people who lie about being in relationships and or being on the apps, and then like you find out about it on those Facebook groups. Of like, are we dating the same oh are we dating the same guy? I'm like, are you fucking shitting me? Come on. Just stay in that group. Oh, I'm in them so drama. So much drama.

SPEAKER_03:

How how do you have that much time to do all of that and then hide it? And then do like I mean, obviously they don't hide it well because they get caught, but like you have so much brain power you're using to do anything.

Brandi:

Obviously they don't. Do they?

SPEAKER_03:

They're wasting a lot of their brain power trying to do this.

Brandi:

Um, because I'm like, oh, they can't plan a date, but they can plan how to have date the other one and not tell you.

SPEAKER_03:

Right.

Rachael:

This might have been fake news, but I don't I could see it being true. I saw something yesterday that like 65% of people that are in relationships are still using dating apps.

Brandi:

I can believe that. Which I can totally believe. Which is why I think dating apps and social media in general is the reason why divorce rates are so high. 100%. Oh, absolutely.

Rachael:

100%. That's how you find out your husband is doing sketchy ass shit and then it goes downhill from there.

Brandi:

I also think it's the easy access. So back in the day before social media and the internet, your uh chances of meeting someone were uh in-person contact. That's why you would get hit on at bars and things like that. Uh and that's the people you knew in person were the only people you had access to. So now that there's internet and social media, you can reconnect with that high school fling that moved halfway across the country. You can go on and just look through singles in your area and be like, ooh, I actually think I like that better than what I have. That's true. Especially when you get into, you know, the rocky parts of marriage and stuff. So yes, I think that is one of the biggest factors for uh unsuccessful marriages these days. Or just the look, people have always cheated. That's never going away. That's just human nature. But um but I think it's a lot easier now.

Rachael:

Oh yeah, for sure. And it's not even like the sexual cheating, it's more the emotional attachment too. I yeah. Which I think is crossing a line a lot.

Brandi:

A lot of men don't see us cheating.

Rachael:

Right. So gotta set your boundaries, ladies. Okay. I got another one.

Brandi:

Go for it.

Rachael:

I I just got a whole list, I'll keep going. Um, people who complain but don't actually do anything about their issues.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh my god, that was my biggest pet peeve at work.

Rachael:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

I hate uh oh my god. That's why I always told my team, I was like, you can complain as much as you want. I don't care if you complain.

Rachael:

Fucking do something.

SPEAKER_03:

But you gotta come to me with an answer.

Brandi:

Yeah. Or the solution or I'm gonna fix it. Or if I give you advice, either take it or come up with another solution. Don't come back two weeks later with the same problem. There's no complaining to complain.

Rachael:

Are you targeting me right now, Brandy? Because I complain about my 50s and you're like, tell me that. Tell me right.

Brandi:

No, because that just fulfills my I told you so, Quota.

Rachael:

Next therapist I'm hiring.

Brandi:

I would make so much money.

Rachael:

Oh yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

Brandi:

I'd be like the Ur I'd call myself like the urban dictionary therapist because I would not be like professional about it at all. I'd probably get bored of ethics would probably be like, yeah, you can't be a therapist anymore.

Rachael:

I think it's really love you, mom, but my mom is like very big on this. She will be like, My life sucks. There's nothing going well with it. And I'm like, what are you doing to actually make your life better though? Yeah. Because I don't think that your current daily habits are getting you there. But love you and I'm wishing you well. It took me a really long time to figure out that I can't fix somebody. Like I can't fix their problems. Oh, I'm still fixing that about you. You just want to solve everything. Yeah, I like a project. Yeah. Well, now I just kind of step away. I'm like, I'm sorry, my life is complicated enough. I got enough shit going on. I can't deal with yours. But once you feel like you have a way to get through that problem, I'll support you and hope the best.

SPEAKER_04:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

I I don't I I think a big one for me is I start giving you ideas.

Brandi:

I should actually start prefacing conversations with are you just venting or do you want a solution?

Rachael:

I was gonna say that too. Because sometimes people just want to fucking rant.

Brandi:

Yeah, and that's fine, because then I'm gonna tone you out and just let you live r rant because I'm a fixer. So I'm gonna come up with solutions. And what irritates me to no end is when I give you five or six solutions and you are like, no, that won't work, and you complain about why that won't work. And then I give you another reason, and then you complain about how that one won't work. So I've I've started asking that are you just venting or do you want a solution? Yep. Because I'm gonna handle this two very different ways.

Rachael:

Exactly, most definitely.

Brandi:

Um, I think one for me, uh I don't tolerate it like at all in my relationships, but I do know other people. When you when I ask you to do something and then you respond with I have to ask my significant other if I can.

Rachael:

If you can or like let me chat with them, make sure there's nothing happening that day, and then like I'll just do that.

Brandi:

That's fine, because I understand that you have things that the other you you do with the other person.

Rachael:

But it's like I have to ask permission.

Brandi:

Yes, that irritates the shit out of me. I'm like, why are they telling you what to do? Right. Um, you're a grown ass person. Now, like if it's yeah, if it's all about like Oh, I need to see if like my kids have anything going on, or I need to see if my husband will take the kids to the soccer practice so then I can go or things like that. That's fine. But when you have to go to them and be like, hey, is it okay if I go hang out with my friends?

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. Because you're controlling then I have a problem with it. Oh yeah. For sure.

Rachael:

I used to have to deal with that back in the day.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

Rachael:

Um I would have to make sure that it was okay. Or if I was out with my friends, I would get at least two to three phone calls from my ex absolutely checking in. Oh yeah. Could never be me.

SPEAKER_03:

You'd be blocked after the first phone call.

Rachael:

Yeah. So but I do think that it's healthy to at least check in and be like, hey, did we have anything on the calendar? Cool. I'm gonna go do my thing then. And if you want to come along, cool. Otherwise, I don't something that works really well right now is like I just put it on the calendar and be like, FYI. I'm gonna do a girls night. Girls night. Yeah, like girls' night. Um and then they know about it and then I can go do my thing. Okay, one thing that I don't like is people who say one thing or like they say they care about something, but then they their actions don't match that. So for instance, like if you're like I care about family time or like spending time with my friend, my friends, but then you never actually make an effort to see your family or friends. I'm like, do you actually care about that or you're just saying that you care about that? Yeah. So that's one that kind of irgends me. I'm like, I really just like do what you say.

SPEAKER_00:

Like a values thing. Okay, I think that aligns with like values. That specific example, yeah.

Brandi:

Um icks. I'm trying to think of like some less heavy topics because we started with how you order your steak, but uh I would say if uh a man what kind of vehicle a man drives will can give me an ick.

Rachael:

Oh, like what?

Brandi:

Um, well, there's two extremes. If you have this big gaudy awful lifted truck, it means their dick is huge, right? Massive, and I just can't handle it. So therefore, I just can't handle it. It's too much. Um so yeah, so that situation. I don't mind if it's a subtle lift, like if it's done well. It's the ones with the massive, like um, you know, just roll and coal. I myself at 5'8 have to jump in to, you know. There's just there's a a good way to do it.

SPEAKER_03:

There is a a demure way to do it. Demure. I feel like that's the perfect word for it, though, right?

Brandi:

Uh yes, very demure. Um, or if it is some little like little car, like a Prius. If he's pulling up in a Prius, I'm leaving. I will pay for his dinners just so I can leave.

Rachael:

Bye.

SPEAKER_03:

I'm be real honest. As long as you're driving, I don't care. Because I'm not driving, so well, we know what your standards are like, Sarah.

Brandi:

So if they have a car, that's a fast for you.

Rachael:

Hey, they have a car, they were doing pretty good. Basically, we need to find some better men for Sarah and her life. We'll we'll see if we meet anybody. We'll introduce you to some folks. It's a struggle. Something that I was saying was like a red flag when I was on the dating apps was if you if you have an Android and you text me and it's a green bubble.

SPEAKER_03:

Oh, that's not a green flag. That's definitely a red flag.

Rachael:

It's a red flag. It's a red flag for the bag. We're definitely Apple people over here. And I so I have a friend from high school, and him and I went out for dinner, and I was like, How's the dating world going? And he's like, it's pretty shitty, you know. And then like a few weeks later, he texts me and it's a blue bubble, and I was like, What? You got an iPhone? And he's like, Yeah, the green bubble, like, I just felt like it was a red flag for women, so I got an iPhone.

Brandi:

That is some good bully.

SPEAKER_03:

I was gonna say, that worked.

Rachael:

Our plans work. He, yes, he switched to the iPhone just so that he could do better in the dating category.

SPEAKER_03:

If it was working, did it work? Okay.

Rachael:

Um, I mean, we've talked little, but I don't know. Well done, ladies. Well done. Yes, make him get that iPhone.

Brandi:

We like to uh bully men. Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, we do. I mean, they need it.

Brandi:

Uh yeah. Um, also, they don't like dogs.

Rachael:

I had that on my list too! If you don't like dogs, you're a fucking communist. Let's be honest.

Brandi:

It's a red flag.

SPEAKER_03:

It's a hard red flag.

Brandi:

Yeah, that's like, you know, on like the Doppler goes red, then purple. It's like a purple flag. It's like right in the opposite way.

SPEAKER_03:

No, like I'll still come over, but can you put the dog away? Absolutely. No.

Rachael:

No, you can get on the dog. If you're not okay with my dog sleeping in my bed, you can fuck right off.

Brandi:

Oh yeah, or on the couch, dog can get on the couch. Their life is this house. Like, right. So they're gonna get every fucking square inch of that house at their disposal.

Rachael:

My ex was allergic to dogs, and that was rough.

Brandi:

So I first I want to see proof because there's a lot of people that are like, oh, I'm allergic to cats. Yeah. Um, so one, you gotta prove it to me. I want to see that doctor's note. No, I don't not the doctor's note. I want to see you dying. Yes, but you're allergic to dogs.

Rachael:

And I'll stab you with that shit.

Brandi:

Two, odds are it's probably not gonna work out long term anyway. Because I'm gonna have animals with the same thing. I don't even need to see it.

Rachael:

Do I get rid of you or do I get rid of the dog? It's definitely you.

SPEAKER_03:

Always you.

Rachael:

Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

The dog stays forever. Yes.

Brandi:

Exactly. Um so as a cat owner, you guys don't have cats, but um when I said specifically they don't like dogs, a lot of men say they don't like cats.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, so I don't even I also have the hard no cats.

Brandi:

Yeah, but you like my cat.

SPEAKER_03:

Your cat does like men.

Brandi:

Her cat is real cute. She's real cuddly. Um, so that's just kind of I feel like normal. Like men think they don't like cats until they get around like a good cat. Um but I will say if they are like on their profiles or if they say they like cats or they're a cat parent, to me that's a green flag.

SPEAKER_03:

I definitely find that a red flag. I was just about to say that. If it's only you and cat photos on your dating profile, I will swipe left every time.

Brandi:

Oh, no, no, it's a green flag for me.

SPEAKER_03:

If you have both, cool. If you just have cats, I can't fuck with you.

Brandi:

Oh no, that's an even greener flag for me. Really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Um no.

Brandi:

I love a cat dad. I just I don't think I want to go on dating apps anymore.

SPEAKER_00:

Seems aggressive.

Rachael:

Don't want to.

Brandi:

Well, okay, so here's the thing. Um, I mean, I want to have this topic discussed in an episode so bad about the male loneliness epidemic. But I keep reading articles about how everyone, men and women, are both unhappy and they're getting off the apps, but then both sides are still too hesitant to approach the other in public.

Rachael:

Yeah, I could see that. I can see that.

Brandi:

It's tricky.

SPEAKER_03:

I think we're all scared for the same reasons. Like we all know we're all scared.

Brandi:

Yep. Yeah, so ladies, I challenge you. If there is an attractive man and you're out, just go up, s make a compliment him, have a funny joke or something, and then have some grace if you're not his type, or he's taken and be like, cool.

Rachael:

Uh, okay, going off of this, hardcore ick and red flag. If one of situations happened, you are married and you are not wearing a ring, or you are not married and you are wearing a ring, so that way women feel more comfortable hanging out with you, and then you're like, just kidding, I'm not married. Okay, but that's like a security thing for me, and I wasn't trying to get with anybody. And I was married for seven years, so naturally a ring feels comfortable to me. Okay, okay, well let me ask you this.

Brandi:

Blue collar men if they're out to lunch, they don't wear rings normally on their jobs because it's a safety factor. They can wear a rubber one, typically not.

SPEAKER_00:

No, typically you can't even wear those. Well, my dad was a floor layer and he still wore a ring.

Brandi:

Well he was at risk of his decloving his finger.

Rachael:

Yeah. But even the rubber ones, that's okay.

Brandi:

Uh depends on where you're at. So like Sarah and I's jobs, like they say no rings.

Rachael:

You can't wear jewellery at all. Gotcha. Okay. Like that's I mean, that that is one thing, but it's more like it's a Friday or Saturday night and you're at the club. Oh, well, yeah, that's that's skeezy. Yeah, that's just that's super skeezy. Yes. No, I I I understood where you were going, but at the same time, like I don't That could be an ick for men though, if like women are wearing rings and they're not actually married because they can't tell.

SPEAKER_03:

But yeah, okay, so I wear if you wear an if you wear a ring on either ring finger, men get confused. I know that's why I don't Because I wear one in my right hand all the time and they're like, oh my god, and I'm like have you met me? Have you met me?

Brandi:

I I question my ring choice placement every day because I'm like that these motherfuckers don't know the right from the left, they just see it on a ring. But I bought the ring to wear on that finger so it doesn't fit any other finger.

Rachael:

Yeah, but very special to me. Honestly, the ring doesn't stop them, like they're still gonna ask you out 300%. Yeah. So I'm like, why not? I might as well wear the rings that I like.

Brandi:

To me, that's a red flag.

Rachael:

If they ask you out and you have a ring on.

Brandi:

If I was wearing a ring on my left hand and it looked like I was married and they still hit on me, that's a red flag. Well yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

Brandi:

So because that means they don't respect boundaries.

SPEAKER_00:

Correct.

Brandi:

So that take but yes, with my because the one ring I have on does look like a wedding band. But it's on my right hand.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah.

Brandi:

But I I I think about it all the time. I'm like, I'm not getting it on because of I blame the ring, but I know there's it's probably my RBS and a bunch of other things.

Rachael:

Yeah, I was wearing like silicone ones for a while, and then I was like, I want to upgrade and get like gold ones. So then I have like gold bands, and then one of my gold bands broke. So now I'm like, is it weird if I like move it and I just have one on the ring finger? So now now I'm just like questioning life choices, and I'm like, I need another gold ring, and problems.

Brandi:

Yeah, you you focus on that ring problem.

SPEAKER_03:

I was gonna say if you just work in a work environment where you can't wear jewelry, you don't have that problem.

Brandi:

That's why I waited so long to get my nose pierced and my other like permanent piercings like in my office. Because I couldn't wear them in like the our manufacturing areas.

Rachael:

Are piercings or tattoos red flags or icks at all?

Brandi:

Oh, that's actually a great point. If a guy has a nose ring, instant no.

Rachael:

Really?

Brandi:

Yes, I I think they're very feminine. So if Okay, you're not wrong.

SPEAKER_03:

But she has a button there. She has a butt. Well, there because there was a butt because there was one college. And I at first I was like, absolutely not, he has a nose ring. And then I was like, it really wasn't that bad. It's a it's an ick for me.

Brandi:

It was still a stud or a loop?

SPEAKER_03:

It was a little hoop.

Brandi:

A little hoop.

SPEAKER_03:

It ended up being really hot. I'm not gonna lie to you.

Brandi:

No, nope.

SPEAKER_03:

Really hard to pull off. I'm not saying it's good for everyone.

Rachael:

I could, I could I think I could do the nose piercing, and if you had ears pierced, yes, but if you had gauges, no. Yeah, those sound gauges gross me out. The smell of them, oh I just want to throw up thinking about it.

Brandi:

I the exact well, it depends on the gauge size.

Rachael:

I don't like it. Like our friend has ones that are like smaller, but still I'm just like, even that, like you can smell it, and oh no, hard pass. Do you like get up in his ears and sniff them?

unknown:

Remember.

Rachael:

Because I've never smelled it. No, when we were at the concert, he's like, let me try on those ear. Like, put your thing or I was like, but like I'm like close to your ear and like touching your gauge, and like this is grossing me out, bro.

Brandi:

Okay. Because I was just imagining you going up and sniffing his ear.

Rachael:

What does it smell like?

Brandi:

And I was like, I've never been close enough to smell his ear.

Rachael:

I I looped my earring into his gauges, and I'm like, I don't like this, I don't like this, I don't like this.

Brandi:

Um, okay. That's uh tattoos, you can be covered neck down totally fine. You got a face tattoo?

SPEAKER_00:

Done. Yeah.

Brandi:

Nope.

Rachael:

Nope.

Brandi:

Womp womp.

Rachael:

Nope.

SPEAKER_03:

I don't have that red flag, I'm gonna be real honest.

Rachael:

You're like, ooh.

SPEAKER_03:

Apparently I'm a red flag because I don't.

Rachael:

Let's go. No car, let's go.

SPEAKER_03:

I have the car, that's fine.

Brandi:

But he has to drive it, so he has to at least have his license. Yeah. Um, oh, what was another one along those lines? Yeah, but yeah, nose ring, instant no for me. Um, also, if they've got a foot thing. I hate feet.

SPEAKER_00:

If they like feet, oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

She's like, meh, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03:

You my feet, I'm my feet are gonna look how they look. If you like them, that's on you.

Rachael:

Are you gonna touch somebody's feet? Like, what if you look at the face?

Brandi:

What would you say if a man asked to suck your toes?

Rachael:

Oh, fuck no. Get out of here. I would never touch.

Brandi:

That's why she's pausing.

Rachael:

Somebody clicked your toes. Like, I love you. I'm married. What is wrong with you?

SPEAKER_03:

I'm married on the few guys and put vegan.

Rachael:

I I feel like I'm gonna like turn my head a little bit. I don't know if I can look at you the same. What is happening? Um, friendship, and then I'm like, I don't want to.

Brandi:

I know way too much about her.

Rachael:

Oh did it was it nice? Did it feel good?

SPEAKER_03:

I mean, I didn't really care, but he really liked it.

Rachael:

Oh, that is disgusting. Isn't it? It makes me want to puke. That is so gross.

SPEAKER_04:

I knew that's a red flag.

Brandi:

Not a red flag, that's an ick for me because I think feet are icky. Yeah, like I don't even like to like paint my own toenails.

unknown:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

To be honest, I'm more turned off if a guy, because I've had a guy before, like, we'll be sitting on a couch and I'll put my feet up like on his leg, and he's like, no. Like I was like, guys that don't like feet like at all. Abs that's a red flag for me.

Brandi:

Oh no, see, I'm like same. Same.

SPEAKER_03:

But like I get I get like not wanting to be obsessed with them, but like if you're telling me I can't put my feet like that under you and like just dig my little toes under, absolutely not. You know what I mean when you tuck them under their thighs to keep them warm?

SPEAKER_00:

No, yeah, no.

unknown:

Thank you.

SPEAKER_00:

Do you have socks on or no socks? You tuck them under the person?

SPEAKER_04:

Like under their feet? Oh like under your thigh.

Rachael:

Yeah, like you can tuck your toes under my thigh. That's okay. Do not fucking touch me. I'm not touching your toes. You're just see Barney's kind of warming up your feet. Yeah, I'm like, oh thank god. It's one thing to like give a foot massage, which like eh, I've done it, don't like it. I immediately wash my hands afterwards because I'm like, that's disgusting. Um, but fuck no, I would never put toes in my mouth ever. I mean, I definitely won't.

SPEAKER_03:

Let's let's be clear about that. I do not have a toe. That is not happening in my part, okay? Not me.

Brandi:

Also, if they don't have clean feet, like nails need to be trimmed.

Rachael:

Oh, like long fingernails and like dirt under them. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

See, my my ick for feet was um guys that wear flip-flops all the time. If you wear flip flops as a majority of your footwear, yeah.

Rachael:

Please don't talk to me. Yeah. I don't like it.

SPEAKER_03:

I cannot see your toes. Like that's why are your toes out all the time?

Rachael:

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

Like why?

Rachael:

Um, my partner wears like Chacos and it's okay. But like hardcore flip-flops don't love.

SPEAKER_03:

I can see that. I think if I can see your toes that often, I'm gonna be against it. Well that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a that's a red flag for men in general.

Brandi:

As their primary shoe? I say it's a it's it's more of an ick for me because I know the type of men that usually wear those, and I'm they're not my type.

SPEAKER_03:

They're not my type.

Brandi:

So that's usually Oh, that's funny. That's usually an ick for me. Because they're usually drinking IPAs and have all natural deodorant as well.

SPEAKER_04:

All natural deodorant?

Rachael:

You know. Um, I've never really dated a guy with like a lot of body hair. But I think if I dated somebody with like a big beard, that would kind of take it.

Brandi:

Oh, I love facial hair.

Rachael:

Oh. How does that feel when they go down on each other? Like, is it enjoyable?

SPEAKER_03:

Yes. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. You can't be bald and have facial hair. I don't like bald guys in general, but like that just we I can't.

Rachael:

Sometimes I can't help it. You just you kind of need a little bit of something to grab onto, you know. You're not wrong. I just need a little bit. Okay. So one thing when you were sending like notes of things that we could talk about, um TV show red flags.

SPEAKER_00:

Oh. Have you watched Nobody Wants This? Yes.

Rachael:

Have you seen the new season?

SPEAKER_00:

No.

Rachael:

Okay. I feel like I got rid of Netflix. I need to get it back. Got it. Okay. I feel like maybe I can't go down that rabbit hole though. But I'm like, when you are watching something and you're like, there are so many red flags. Why are you fucking dating? And then they break up and you're like, fuck yes, that was the best decision that you ever made. And then they get back together and you're like, why? Why?

Brandi:

That's every teen drama show we grew up with.

Rachael:

True that. But still, I'm like, break that cycle, people.

SPEAKER_03:

Just yeah, but let me ask you right now. Your favorite book tropes? Is it a walking red flag?

unknown:

Oh.

SPEAKER_03:

Think about it. Your f think about some of your favorite books. Okay. Or your favorite tropes. How many of them are walking red flags? Uh okay, maybe it's just me.

Brandi:

Um, I think it depends on my mood.

SPEAKER_03:

But you know which ones I'm talking about.

Brandi:

Yeah. Um, those I think I enjoy because they are works of fiction.

SPEAKER_03:

That's fair.

Brandi:

Like if some of those things that I read happened to me, it would be a red flag. But because it's happening to someone else in a book that I know is fictional And it's okay. It's okay.

Rachael:

Yeah. I don't know, like I'm rereading um I listened to the audiobook of Court of the Thorn and Roses series and I'm rereading it and I'm like Reese is kind of a dick. But then like he really grows on you. So I'm like, is it that he's just cocky. Yeah. Is that a red or is that an ick or a red flag if somebody's cocky?

SPEAKER_03:

I mean they're kind of a red flag. He's kind of red flag at the beginning. He eventually becomes like red flag.

Rachael:

You figure out why, but like it's kind of hard to and I feel like this could be for most relationships. It's like you see something at the beginning of your relationship and you're like, oh, like that might be a red flag, but like maybe it's not a forever thing, or maybe it's just like a one-off, and then it becomes like red flag, red flag. Those are called beige flags.

Brandi:

Beige flags. Yep.

Rachael:

Yeah.

Brandi:

Where they could go either way, but you don't know until you get to know them more. That's true.

Rachael:

Then you're too far down that road and you're like, Yeah, we what's going on?

Brandi:

We cannot bring books into this conversation, okay? Because what I read and what I allow in my real life are two very different things. Yeah, that's okay. That's true. Am I going to let a man stalk me and chase me through the woods without my permission? No. Are you gonna read about it? Am I gonna read about it? Fuck yeah, I am.

unknown:

Okay.

Rachael:

One series that I like, I like the um Lori Gilmore's like pumpkin spice and all the things. Yeah, you've talked about that. I don't think either of us have read it. It's like the Dream Harbor series, and I mean they're super they're good and they're spicy, which I appreciate, but it's literally like I moved to town and I met this person and oh I fell in love on day two of meeting them, and I'm like, mm-hmm.

Brandi:

They seemed very Hallmark movie-ish to me, which is why I have it read.

Rachael:

But it's like Hallmark with sex, and who doesn't love that? You see in the recent Hallmark?

Brandi:

I mean, I guess they're closed door romance scenes, but um These at least go into the good Yeah, I'm yeah, I have to be in the right mood for those. You know. I'm a mood reader, that's why I have like six books at any one time.

Rachael:

So but is it a ick if somebody does not like reading? I knew you were gonna ask this.

SPEAKER_03:

No, as long as they respect it.

Brandi:

Yes. Because the whole video game boy book talk girl facts, dream life, right? Yes. Um as long as they don't give me shit for reading or having too many books or wanting to go to the bookstore. Exactly. As long as they respect it. Yes, I don't care. You don't have to read men do not like to read. Like, dating pools are already bad enough. You put that in there, it's gone.

Rachael:

Oh, I was also thinking about this. Um, gym bros. I'm like, it's just icky if they're like I I understand guys who like to work out. Yes, like you have to work out so you can like work out and then eat whatever you want. Cool. Support you.

SPEAKER_03:

That's your whole personality. Yeah. Yeah.

Brandi:

If I'm scrolling through your dating app and it's just mirror selfies at the gym of you flexing with your shirt off, hard pass. Or your or your ideal Sunday is one of the prompts, and it is go to the gym. If you're going to the gym on the Sunday, we don't have the same lifestyle. I'm sorry. But two, our lifestyles, like, we're just not gonna be compatible.

Rachael:

Yeah. I can tell you that right now. Like, I want to work out enough to where I can still eat pizza.

SPEAKER_00:

I don't even work out that much and I still eat pizza, so yes. Um yeah, I that's that's that's a big one. That is a good one.

SPEAKER_04:

But I would agree with that.

Rachael:

I this is like kind of an ick for relationships and hanging out with friends, is like if we're having a conversation and then you go on your phone and you're like on your phone, and I'm like, cool, fuck me. I was just talking then. I'm not trying to point you out. Because I know you are a good multitasker, Brandy. I love you so much. But sometimes I'm like, but I I was saying something, like, do you not care about what I'm saying? But that is just solely because I am like, I cannot look at a screen and also function properly.

SPEAKER_03:

That fact may or may not have gotten me fired from my previous job.

Rachael:

So because you were looking at your phone when talking?

SPEAKER_03:

Because during meetings I have to be doing things with my hands to pay attention. Um, yeah, I saw that. Um, i.e. like taking notes or making paper origami or literally typing anything. Because I'll I'll verbatim repeat exactly what the person I'm paying attention. I'm right. And all we're happening. Yeah. But my hands are doing something. Gina laughs the shit out of me for it, okay? Because you need to be doing something.

Brandi:

So that mini play-doh I gave everyone at my birthday party and their little goodie bags, I had extras. So I've got some that I'm playing with right now. I keep some in my car so that way when I'm driving I can play with it instead of trying like wanting to reach for my phone and being distracted. I keep some um on my by my couch. Like, yes, this stuff.

SPEAKER_00:

This would come in handy for you. Yeah, for sure.

Brandi:

Yes, it's uh like a fidget toy for me.

Rachael:

Um I have a a fidget toy that I use for work for sure.

Brandi:

On the on the mic. Oh yeah, and I also I had a fourth I found a fourth one. It's at my desk at work. Nice. So the I So they're in these cute little containers, right? And it I had this weird c little compartment in my center console in my car that like not quite big enough to fit my Red Bull in. But if it's play-hone it fits the play-doh perfectly, so it was designed for that.

SPEAKER_03:

Meant to be.

Brandi:

Because I was like, I don't know what else goes in here. Like I put my key fob in there, but that's like the only thing that would fit. And then I found out my play-doh fits in there perfectly, and I was like, perfect.

SPEAKER_03:

It's meant to be, meant to be.

Brandi:

So um, but yeah, I can see like if you're on a date and you're like trying to get to know them and they're just on their phone the whole time, yeah. That's a like if I'm getting to know you, like and like eye contact I think is important in that situation. Um I usually only get on my phone if I'm in a very uncomfortable situation where I don't want to make eye contact, or I'm comfortable enough with that person that they know that I've still attention.

Rachael:

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Brandi:

Um but kind of along like first date vibes, if they don't ask you any questions or continue the conversation. Yeah.

Rachael:

Like if you don't ask me about my day or what I do, whether it's a first date or just in general, I'm like, Do you care?

Brandi:

Well, even on like the dating apps, you'll be like, you'll ask them a question and then they answer it. And then they don't ask you something back. And then that's the conversation. I'm like I'm like, I'm not gonna do 20 questions and you not ask me anything in return. Like, this is a like you gotta keep the conversation going. Yeah, give me something.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, and it can't just be a blah blah blah, and you know, what's yours? You know, they like with they just reflect the question, but like, okay, I get that occasionally because like sometimes you want to know that question, but like it can't be every time.

Brandi:

Yeah, but that is still better than like you asking a yes or no question, and then they say no. That's their response, no.

SPEAKER_00:

And you're like, what the fuck do I do with that? Alrighty.

Brandi:

Well, me personally, I think this like I'm not putting that kind of effort into it. Sorry.

SPEAKER_03:

Absolutely not.

Brandi:

Too much effort. Yeah. Oh man, I could go on about this topic all night.

Rachael:

There are so many options.

Brandi:

There are men are icky. No, I'm just kidding. I'm sure look, us women have the icks, like we give icks too. Yeah, I'd be curious to see what men thinks.

Rachael:

I know.

SPEAKER_03:

I kind of want to ask all my friends what my icks and red flags are. I don't really want to know. I feel like that's a little too humbling. But it might be kind of fun. I don't know, I don't know if I want that much. Maybe like one friend.

Brandi:

Yeah. I think our buddy Brian would give us some real ones. That would be funny. I think so. And I wouldn't care if he thinks they're icks or not.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, yeah, yeah, that's fair.

Rachael:

You know, that's though. But yeah, so I guess listeners, we're gonna throw it out there, male, female, however you identify, we wanna know what are some mics, what are some red flags? Um, what did we miss? And we would love to hear from you and get some perspective. Um, I'm also gonna shout out that um we're still getting good download rates. But if you want to go and download more episodes and support us, we're getting closer to our thousand download goal. We're like 140 away. So please download because we want to pop that bottle of champagne to hit our goal.

Brandi:

Our our big goal is to do it by the the end of the month, by the end of this year.

Rachael:

Um I think December already.

Brandi:

Oh I yes, I I don't know if we're gonna get there, but we can't do it without you guys. So um share with your friends, download, have your significant other download for it. They don't even have to listen, just get us a download. Exactly. Because the more downloads we get, the more it's gonna go in, it's gonna show up for other people. Um, so even if you don't listen, even a download supports us. Um even liking us on Facebook, sharing our posts there, all of that helps us get seen by more people.

unknown:

Exactly.

Rachael:

And we appreciate your support. And thank you, Sarah, for coming today. We appreciated your your input.

SPEAKER_03:

Anytime, guys.

Rachael:

Okay, well, thank you all for listening. So until next time, stay bold. Stay empowered, girl gang out.

Head Shot

Brandi S

Co-host
Head Shot

Rachael A

Co-host
Head Shot

Sarah K

Co-host

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