Episode 27: Breaking Down Body Counts and Bias Around Them

Ever been floored by someone’s “number” and then realized the math makes sense? We take the heat out of body count talk with fresh survey data, personal stories, and the context that most conversations skip. Instead of tallying conquests, we zoom in on what actually matters for health, trust, and chemistry: timelines, monogamy streaks, protection, and a willingness to get tested now. The hot take fades fast when you consider how years of relationships compress even “big” totals into realistic averages.

We also dig into the millennial paradox: more sex positivity, fewer new partners. From dating app burnout and social media filters to the paralysis of endless options, it’s never been easier to match and harder to connect. That vacuum fuels double standards, too—men flexing high counts while demanding purity from women. We call the hypocrisy, then offer a better path: set consistent standards, align on values, and treat numbers as context, not character.

If you’ve struggled with the “ick,” we give you a toolkit. How to ask for STI results without killing the vibe. How to define exclusivity versus labels so no one “assumes” their way into heartbreak. How to decide when a high count signals experience versus avoidance of commitment. And how to say no with confidence, keep your boundaries intact, and still keep things flirty and honest.

By the end, you’ll know how to talk about sex like a grown-up: clear on safety, curious about patterns, and free from scorekeeping. Hit play, share with a friend who needs real talk, and tell us your take—do numbers matter to you, or is it all about behavior and honesty now? Subscribe, leave a review, and text us your topic ideas so we can keep the conversation bold and useful.

Transcript

Setting The Topic: Body Counts

Rachael 0:34

Hi everyone, welcome to Girl Gang Podcast. My name's Rachel.

Brandi 0:36

And I'm Brandi, and we are your hosts for this episode.

Rachael 0:39

So this week we're talking about sexual partners and what our counts are. And what data we have collected from our mutual friends of what their numbers are because this came up randomly with our friend group of what is your count? And I feel like our friends had mixed responses.

Personal Numbers And First Reactions

Brandi 0:59

And it wasn't even just, I don't even know if we even got like numbers, but like what would they consider like an average or high number? Yeah. Like what was their like limit?

Rachael 1:08

Someone disclosed to me that they had slept with over 65 people, and I was a little shocked by that number. And then I did some basic calculations. And if their 30 lost their virginity at 16, that's roughly, you know, like four to five partners a year. Um, so when I did the math, I was like, that doesn't seem as extreme, but I know that when I was dating my ex-blues guy, I found out that he had slept with over 50 people, and I was really ick. It was an ick. And I was like, I probably wouldn't have gone for you if I knew that your number had been that high.

Brandi 1:43

Well, and you also came from like low numbers, yeah, long-term like high school relationship. So you weren't around a lot of.

Rachael 1:57

And so my number is now five. So I lost my virginity to my high school sweetheart, only had been with that person until five years ago. And so since then I've slept with four other people.

Speaker 3 2:09

So which I mean kind of comes down to our survey. So if you're listening and you took our our survey, we appreciate it. You best no idea who is who on there. Like I said, it was completely anonymous because we wanted some good data there. Um so while our data set is pretty small, I was pretty happy with the amount of responses we did get, considering we are a pretty small podcast still. Um and it kind of just proved what I kind of thought and what our group kind of consensus came to. And there's no like trend. You know, the the men that responded versus the women, like there were high numbers, there were low numbers, there were um, I mean, the nothing was like, holy shit, this person sleeps with like twelve, twelve people a year or like twenty people a year.

Rachael 3:01

Which it's not that simple. Yeah, it's really not that simple. When we asked our kind of larger friend group and said, Is it weird if a guy has slept with this many people? They asked, Well, what type of guy is he? So I think it's also, you know, who the t who the person is.

Survey Design And Method

Brandi 3:18

Yeah, I 100% agree with that. But I kind of did some math with um the data I got. And what I did was I asked people, you know, their age, how long they've been sexually active, how many partners, and then how long within that amount of time they've been sexually active, accumulatively, how long were they in a monogamous relationship with someone?

Rachael 3:44

Because they were a little tripped up by that question.

Brandi 3:45

They're like, I know I probably should have put I probably should put a little more info into it. Um, but they all answered, I think they all figured out what it meant. Um and so that kind of allowed me to pull some assumptions that they were monogamous during the relationship. That is an assumption with this data. Um, but what I did was I took the years they were sexually active. So if they're 30 and they were at 16, that's 14 years, and then I divided that by the number of partners they had, um, just to kind of get like a year yearly average of how many partners, and almost everyone was under 0.5 partners a year. So, you know, when you break it down like that, uh even a higher number really comes down. Um and you know, whether you're fine, like for me, numbers don't matter. I think oh well, let me think that I think the only number that would bother me is zero at this point.

Rachael 4:44

You need a little bit of experience.

Brandi 4:45

Yeah, like I'm not I'm not taking anyone's virginity.

Rachael 4:48

You don't want to play, you don't want to be like the person to help the 40-year-old virgin virgin lose his virginity.

Brandi 4:54

No, that doesn't sound at all appealing. So that would be the only number that like I would get the ick from.

Rachael 5:02

Yeah.

Brandi 5:02

Um, but you know, there are like religious beliefs where you're wanting the number to be low. Um so you know, I understand why certain people would want certain numbers, but I really think it comes down to personal preference.

Rachael 5:18

And I don't know if it's religion. It's not religion for me. It's not I think it's just shocking because I was in such a long-term relationship that it's just like, wow, I couldn't even imagine like that I could sleep with that many people. But hey, if I were single during college and other times in my life, hell yeah, my numbers would be higher.

Brandi 5:42

I mean, that's where most people get their numbers.

Averages, Assumptions, And Context

Rachael 5:43

Yeah, and dating apps, yeah. I mean, dating apps came out when we were in college, so I feel like that just kind of progressed how you could meet people and you know, hook up with people. But um to me, I think higher numbers signifies okay, this is just in my experience of men that I've met. If their numbers are higher, they haven't necessarily been in as many relationships or like long-term relationships. Very much a probably a good assumption for so to me, that just means that maybe they're afraid of commitment. Maybe there are some other red flags there. Maybe they're not emotionally as intelligent as I am. I don't know. I've this is me maybe just judging, I don't know.

Brandi 6:26

So let me ask you this. It's been, I mean, we're approaching 11 years since we graduated college. What if it's been 11 years since they had that phase? Yeah. You know, what if they had all those numbers when they were in their early 20s?

Rachael 6:43

Yeah.

Brandi 6:43

You know.

Rachael 6:44

That's true.

Brandi 6:45

I there's just a lot of factors I think that that go into this number. Um and there are certain men that if they told me their number, I'd be like, Yep, that tracks. That tracks. And there's other people that you know they have a lower number. I'm like, that tracks. Yep.

Rachael 7:03

Yeah.

Brandi 7:03

Um so to me, I think it really I mean, I changed I mean, I know we're still in our early 30s, but I feel like I've changed a lot since college. And I was a s basically a serial monogamist for like 10 years in that, um, like in college and then right after. So to me, I I I can't judge the number because I don't necessarily think it reflects off that person now. I mean, we all went, none of us went to well, no, I shouldn't say none of us, most of us didn't go to therapy until like our 30s, you know? So a lot can change for a person.

Rachael 7:52

Our brains aren't even fully developed until 25, so exactly. Does it really get until then?

Brandi 7:57

Yeah. Maybe we should have asked the question, how many partners after 25? Um, but I will say for millennials, some of the research I did were actually less sexually active than like the Gen X and Boomers were. So um our numbers are, it's actually kind of sad. So like 32% of millennials in the last year haven't had a new sexual partner in the year.

Rachael 8:35

And how are they getting off? How are they getting their cup filled or emptied in that in some cases?

Brandi 8:43

I mean, women have endless resources. I have heard from a friend that men don't necessarily have the same uh satisfaction with artificial I've been told pocket pussies just don't feel the same.

Rachael 8:56

Multiple men have confirmed that.

Brandi 8:58

Yeah, I mean, I can't say I'm surprised, but um, you know, so we've got that going for us, I guess.

Rachael 9:05

Oh yeah.

Preferences, Values, And The “Ick”

Brandi 9:05

But, you know, I feel like there's a lot that could probably be tied into that. Google was saying that it was, you know, social media has allowed us to have less in-person uh conversations and relationships with people. You know, the dating apps are a fucking dumpster fire for lack of a better term. Um where you see, I mean, you could be on Tinder, Bumble, Hinge, all of the above, and you're gonna see the same men on there. Um, you know, sp spewing the same stuff in almost all of the like even if you match with someone, the odds of your conversation lasting longer than like two days, I think is like 75% not gonna happen. Like that even like the apps make people more available, they are also significantly it's significantly harder to meet someone because you see all these options out there. Yeah, you're like, oh, maybe I could do better.

Rachael 10:07

Or yeah, um you always think there are gonna be more options, so you're passing up potentially good options based on fake uh surface level reasons.

Brandi 10:20

Yes, or I mean looking at filters or pu I mean you can put whatever you want on an app and no one's gonna know unless you meet them, and that almost never happens. Like I said, like conversations usually go away within like a day or two, if that if they even respond.

Rachael 10:40

Um, but what's on your uh dating profile right now that you're getting good responses on? The DP thing.

Brandi 10:50

Yeah, so our danger party shirts say um iHeartDP on our shirts, and thankfully Rachel's just said danger party on it. So most men have been able to figure it out. Yes, but some not so much. So I've actually come up with the new algorithm or uh not algorithm but uh abbreviation that it means deep pockets. So if you can't figure out it means danger party by the person standing in the middle of the photo, I just tell them they need to have deep pockets, and that usually chases away most of them. Um but I mean I mean I've gotten off those too. So like it's just I'm just like that. It's just gross. So many icks.

Rachael 11:35

Yeah.

Brandi 11:36

Um but they are yeah, so they're saying we're despite the fact that millennials are more supportive of same-sex relationships and inner um premarital sex, we're actually having less sex with partners than previous generations. So pot meat cattle here, okay? Millennials might ruin um the napkin industry and mid-level uh chain restaurants. But we at least have a little more, a little more going for us. But uh yeah, it's just it was just really interesting to see. Like there wasn't anything prominent between like men and women, you know, even when I was doing some reviews on on Google and stuff, everyone is at, they'd say the average is about eight to eleven partners per person, male or female.

Rachael 12:37

What was our data? We had what 30 people?

Brandi 12:39

Yeah, we had 30.

Rachael 12:41

Okay.

Brandi 12:41

Um I mean for the most part, but we fall right in there. There's a couple outliers, okay, but there always are. I mean, you usually throw those data points out because if it's one or two, then they're just gonna skew the data. So I would say ours would almost even be less than the eight to eleven part. Okay. Yeah.

Rachael 13:04

Interesting.

High Numbers, Commitment, And Change

Brandi 13:05

Um so again, like I don't I don't think it's necessarily a bigger deal, but I also have uh a lot of friends that went through that phase in in college, so I saw a lot of it. While I was in a relationship, I saw a revolving door of men or some of my friends. Or women for that matter. There were a couple of guy friends that were quite promiscuous. Um and it's just kind of funny to see them settle down and get married and have kids now, and I'm like, I know what you used to do. There was one girl, freshman year of college. I don't speak to her anymore. We had a falling out in college, but I was keeping track of the men she was hooking up with freshman year. And it was let's see, for one year, so like eight months is like freshman year, right? Give or take. But it was like close to 20.

Rachael 14:01

Dang.

Brandi 14:01

So I feel like that just kind of ripped the baby off for me, and I just became just kind of okay. Used to yeah, yeah. Okay. But uh yeah. Like I said, I think it if it's something that's important to you, I think you need to uh, you know, address it with people. And if it's someone you met, like if your low number is important to you, and it's someone you met, I think you need to have the conversation with them of you know, when when did this happen? Were all of these partners recent? Yeah, did you cheat on a partner while you know, like those kind of things that kind of come back to their morals? Yeah. Less so how many people did you sleep, but what what were the circumstances behind this? Were you, you know, just playing the field when you were younger? Are you still actively sleeping with a lot of people? You know, I mean, because that at that point it kind of comes into okay, I'm gonna need to see a clean like blood work panel on your STIs. Yeah. At that point, like I'm not gonna jeopardize myself if you're you know, have recently been playing in the field.

Rachael 15:12

Do you think most people are having those conversations of asking about how many sexual partners and or STIs? I think STIs are more common to maybe ask about, but I don't know.

Brandi 15:25

Uh no, I think partners is also pretty prevalent. I think from my experience um both personally and what I've kind of seen on like Reddit and social media and stuff, it's a bigger problem for men. For women their their numbers to be higher. For their w woman to have a high a high number. Um I've also seen, and again, it's social media, so some of the podcasts and stuff that I watch or listen to will pick some of the more inflammatory posts and stuff to speak on because it's gonna cause clicks and listens and things like that. But there are a lot of stories out there of hypocritical men who have high numbers but want their future wife to have one, maybe two. Their one woman can only have X amount of partners. I saw a comment.

Rachael 16:23

Fuck you, bro.

Brandi 16:24

I saw one comment and he's like, I don't want a woman that every other man has had. And a girl responded with, Well, I don't want a man who's stuck it in everything that moves. True, true, you know.

Rachael 16:37

It's just so like that guy we met on Saturday. Was it Saturday? The walking red flag.

Brandi 16:45

Oh, okay.

Rachael 16:46

And he's like, I date women with morals. And our friend was like, he's literally a walking red flag. Don't yeah, never, never.

Brandi 16:55

Yeah, he definitely is the type that I feel like those posts are about. Like, oh yeah,

Rachael 16:59

he's slept with everybody.

Brandi 17:02

Well, she the way she was talking is every female friend he has he's basically slept with, but the girl he wants to like marry and have forever can't have done that kind of thing in the past. So

Rachael 17:15

that seems like his vibe.

Brandi 17:17

Yeah. Um, and again, we just met him one for like 30 minutes, but like it was pretty evident.

Rachael 17:24

You can tell. Yeah, yeah, you can just get the vibe.

Millennials, Less Sex, And Dating Apps

Brandi 17:27

Um, so that is where I would get like from a numbers conversation, that's where I would get an ick, is if I know they've been with a lot of people, but then turn around and go, oh, you've been with this many people, that's that's too many. Right. And that I think that's what would bother me the most. And I feel like I feel like that's happening more and more with men, and they wonder why they are bitching about their loneliness epidemic that's coming around. But I mean, we don't we don't need you. Like I said, Hustler Hollywood over there.

Rachael 18:08

I got Robert, I got Bob, and I got Bobby. I got three men to take care of me in the bedroom. I don't need an actual man.

Brandi 18:18

Yeah, so I mean, if they want to keep this up, I mean we they can keep being lonely. I will say, um, in that research though, a lot of women are um cutting back on on dating. That's just not worth their their time or effort or any of that stuff. So, you know, it's it's gonna come back to bite these guys that are being hypocrites and assholes in the butt. Um but generally speaking, I just like we've said so many times with relationships, it really comes down to communication. I think it's worth having asking the questions, getting an idea of where they're at. But again, if you are, you know, religious and you know you are saving yourself from marriage and you want your partner to save yourself from marriage, to me that's not hypocritical because you're also holding yourself to those standards as well.

Rachael 19:13

We wouldn't date anybody like that, but we support those who are out there.

Brandi 19:17

It's to each their own. Yeah. You know, if you've

Rachael 19:20

In my personal opinion, you gotta get some practice in before you commit to that person because they could be terrible.

Brandi 19:28

Isn't that what you did?

Rachael 19:29

No. I lost my virginity at 16.

Brandi 19:33

Oh, I thought you I thought you lost it to your ex-husband.

Rachael 19:36

Well, I mean I did lose it to my ex-husband, but it wasn't bad, but I didn't wait till marriage.

Brandi 19:42

No, but you ended like you did end up marrying him.

Rachael 19:45

Yeah, but it wasn't bad. Like now that I've had others, I'm like, there is better, but it wasn't bad.

Brandi 19:54

What about when you got married?

Rachael 19:55

Would I choose to go back to it? No. I'd go back to the farmer. The farmer's nice.

Brandi 20:05

Yeah, it's I yeah, look, you can tell when a man has had more numbers than lower. To a degree. To a degree. But yeah, I think it really just I it comes down to what you what you what you think, but um

Rachael 20:27

I think you gotta come at it with more curiosity instead of judgment. And I think that when this particular person told me their number, I was a little thrown off by it. And anybody who has told me their number and like who they are, I'm just surprised because I'm like, oh, you seem like not that they're not dateable, but like these people are people that seem like very genuine and like friends and like things like that, and then I'm like, oh, but you slept with all these people. Like I just guess I am slightly judgmental in the sense that I'm like, I feel like pretty boys, like their numbers are high. And these people that have high numbers, I'm like, oh, I just wouldn't expect you to have high numbers, but props to you for having numbers that high.

Brandi 21:18

Yeah, I mean, look, when you're in the mood, you're in the mood. Like men or men or women. Like if you're if you're going out for that reason,

Rachael 21:31

Yeah.

Brandi 21:32

A lot of times your standards drop because you just

Rachael 21:35

You're just like, I need something.

Brandi 21:37

Yeah.

Rachael 21:37

It's a lot easier to sleep with somebody than to actively not sleep with somebody, I think. Because you you be lonely and you're like, oh, I could just like hit somebody up and be like, yo, what you doing tonight?

Brandi 21:51

No, that's that's that's fair. And I don't know many men that would say something. Yeah.

Rachael 21:57

If the opportunity presents itself, you gotta go for it.

Brandi 22:00

Okay, let me ask you this. Were you surprised my number was what it was? Were you expecting it to be higher or lower?

Rachael 22:07

I was expecting it to be higher.

Brandi 22:09

Okay.

Rachael 22:10

Yeah. Yeah. Like I would have pegged you for like a 15 or 20 kind of gal.

Brandi 22:16

Sometimes I wish.

Rachael 22:17

I'm not I'm not judging you by your number.

Brandi 22:19

But I I was just curious.

Rachael 22:23

I think people I mean those who have known me for like many years would not be surprised by not by my number. But people who don't necessarily know my history are probably surprised by num by my number.

Brandi 22:37

Well yeah if they were if they've met you post divorce in because we don't talk about that with new friends. As much as you can you know like you don't bring it up like oh by the way I've been divorced

Rachael 22:50

I'm even calling him a different name now because of my book. Because in my book he's a different name and I'm like oh yeah

Hypocrisy And Double Standards

Brandi 22:57

so like definitely like your newer friends I could see definitely be s being surprised because they don't understand that you were in such a long term relationship. Yeah. Um then we're kind of a a light bloomer on the different partners aspect of it. So you know but that's that story's over now. You know you can move on.

Rachael 23:24

Once you see that second penis you can't go back to the first you know you're just like

Brandi 23:27

that's probably one of my favorite parts of your book

Rachael 23:31

it's a really good line.

Brandi 23:32

Because I was just like oh that is a thing it I never even like I never you know yeah but uh

Rachael 23:42

it made me crack up a little bit I'm like

Brandi 23:45

it it it has just never been like I was never with someone long enough to like only have seen one for so long and so it just cracked me up. I'm like oh I guess there are people out there that have had that experience and I just thought it was funny.

Rachael 24:02

I feel like you can't win no matter what honestly like if your number is too low then people are like why is your number low if your number's too high oh why is your number so high so I think we just kind of have to say get a test show me your test results and like just cross your fingers that you don't end up with something and use protection yeah I mean well that's okay well that's a whole other conversation to have like if they've slept with 50 people and they didn't use protection that whole time like then you're sleeping with everybody else that they've also slept with. I think that's the thing that weirds me out. I'm like bodies are already gross enough like let's be real vaginas are kind of weird penises are kind of weird

Brandi 24:45

they're ugly

Rachael 24:45

there's like a lot of like juices and stuff that come out of areas and I'm like I don't know how I feel about all of that. Um then you add in like are you having regular sex? You do an anal like you got a lot of like things going on there so I feel like I just want a deeper conversation of like what your sexual preferences are and what's your latest test results.

Brandi 25:10

Which are all fair questions to have before you sleep with someone like you should be comfortable with

Rachael 25:17

I think me now I feel way more confident saying no to somebody. I think in a past life you know younger version of me I probably would have felt like I would have been judged if I would have said no in a sense I don't know if you've ever felt that way but

Brandi 25:40

I mean no because I come out of the gate saying no to people

Rachael 25:45

yeah I don't I I mean maybe this is just because I've struggled with my boundaries so much over the years but you know if I had been put into a situation where I was like oh like maybe I could hook up with this person but like test results. I haven't seen those like I probably would have just kind of said fuck it and slept with them without seeing the test results but now I'm like no I'm cool. Like I'll just go home and pleasure myself and you can send me your test results when you get done.

Brandi 26:08

Yeah I think that's fair. So I mean I feel like that's just the maturity hitting people. Yeah um because like I'll have that conversation with someone before I sleep with them but I won't necessarily I don't ask numbers. Like if it comes up in a conversation later and we have to talk or if they're curious sure but that's not one of the things that I I ask beforehand.

Rachael 26:33

I brought it up with one of our couple friends and they had been dating for a few years and they had not had the numbers conversation until I brought it up with them. And we were all talking about it. So that was interesting. Okay oh you slept with this many people oh okay and I'm like ooh okay I feel like I just opened up a can worm that I maybe shouldn't have but it was cool.

Brandi 26:55

You weren't putting a gun to their heads to speak about their numbers

Rachael 26:58

I was just openly chatting about it at the table.

Brandi 27:03

I don't I don't that's that's a that's a then problem not a you problem

Rachael 27:07

but I think overall as long as people are transparent about it and honest about it then

Brandi 27:15

but that kind of comes back to morals then if you're hiding it or lying or trying to cover up an STI or a past of that or you're sleeping with multiple people when you were supposed to be exclusive or in a relationship.

Rachael 27:30

Yeah how do you have that conversation? Because the guy on Saturday was kind of making it seem like he had been dating somebody exclusively but then she was cheating on him and I'm like but did you have the conversation

Brandi 27:40

well they were calling themselves boyfriend girlfriend. So to me they had the conversation.

Rachael 27:44

Got it yeah

Brandi 27:44

so she was just I mean that's a whole sleeze probably episode you could do by yourself like what are the steps of dating these days.

Rachael 27:50

Right

Testing, Safety, And Boundaries

Brandi 27:51

you know what is there a difference between being exclusive and being boyfriend and girlfriend and most people are gonna in this day and age it's yes there's a difference. Um so that and I also think it's important to have the conversation because you could be thinking two things because there was I mean I've I've been with a guy who thought we were exclusive even though we didn't have a conversation about it and I was not exclusive with him until we had that conversation. Was he upset when you had that conversation? He was I guess um caught off guard because he just assumed and I just you know assumptions.

Rachael 28:40

Honestly it all comes down to communication because it does we think that we communicate and we don't yeah regardless of who it is like I'm I just think shit in my head and I'm like we talked about it.

Speaker 3 28:51

We didn't though yeah he wasn't upset

Brandi 28:54

he's like we did not have that conversation he's like I was caught off guard though because I haven't been sleeping with other people. Yeah um he's like that's just never how I've done things and everything and I was just like okay well we can be now right that we've had this conversation but don't be upset with me if there's someone else before we have that conversation.

Rachael 29:14

I think men just come on too strong with me. They're like oh I stopped talking to everybody except for you and I'm like oh that's too much pressure.

Brandi 29:21

Girl you're like a fucking dick magnet

Rachael 29:25

oh that's funny.

Brandi 29:27

I swear we go anywhere and a new guy is falling at their at your feet for you and I'm just like good for her.

Rachael 29:35

I said no

Brandi 29:36

y eah you have said no to all of them but I just think it's funny

Rachael 29:42

like I said I got Robert Bob and Moby I'm cool

Brandi 29:45

c an't keep up with them I don't want to

Rachael 29:48

exactly

Brandi 29:48

yeah I just so that that always cracks me up and you know I mean they're not your type they're not your type but

Rachael 29:57

I don't have a type

Brandi 29:59

yeah you really don't now that I think about it you're just kind of

Rachael 30:03

I think red flag is my type in in the past

Brandi 30:10

same girl same that's why they're in the past

Rachael 30:14

yeah uh but you know what as the shirt said from Hustler red flags fuck better and it is true

Brandi 30:21

it's probably because their numbers are higher Rachel

Rachael 30:23

probably because they have that experience exactly so one day

Brandi 30:31

I also think you look beyond looks more initially than a lot of other people do too

Rachael 30:42

yeah I'm not I don't think I'm a very shallow person I feel like I I mean you gotta find that initial like there are very few people that I've ever come across like that I've initially seen that I'm like oh wow you're attractive like I could probably count on one hand when that's ever happened to me. I just don't find a lot of men very attractive. Sorry guys

Brandi 31:05

I don't have that problem you are fucking gorgeous and then I read there no them

Rachael 31:12

I thought you were saying oh you're gorgeous

Brandi 31:14

well you are there are there are men there and I'm like holy shit and then I get to know them and I'm like oh there it is well I knew you couldn't be perfect

Rachael 31:25

I know honestly like all the very attractive men like they just kind of freak me out like I'm just like you're way too pretty like there's gotta be something wrong with you

Brandi 31:33

they know it yeah so then they get that asshole vibes to it and you're just like no I'm gonna I already have an asshole I don't need two

Rachael 31:42

I don't need more shit in my life

Brandi 31:45

y eah and and you can you yeah you can always tell when they know that they're attractive because they just have a level of

Rachael 31:53

demeanor to them.

Brandi 31:54

Yeah

Rachael 31:54

mustache paired from Saturday

Brandi 31:57

and honestly I don't even think he wasn't one of those where I was like damn

Rachael 32:01

yeah no no the mustache I was like no that's a deal breaker

Brandi 32:06

well the only two people the only two kinds of men I know that wear mustaches like that are firefighters and pilots and both are red flags.

Rachael 32:16

T rue that

Brandi 32:17

so and I just don't necessarily think it's a good look for everyone

Rachael 32:21

no offense to our friend who's a firefighter we still love you bro

Brandi 32:25

I wouldn't date them though I mean

Rachael 32:31

support you in our friendship and your line of work would not date a fire.

Brandi 32:34

Oh I I respect what they do for a living I don't respect who they do afterwards.

Rachael 32:39

No firefighters no cops no military

Brandi 32:44

Do you have a thing against authority figures?

Rachael 32:46

no I just like I'm sure there are good guys out there that are in that line of work but in just my past

Brandi 32:55

oh same the firefighters I've been interested in have been douchebags so there's just

Rachael 33:04

i f you're in that line of work and you're not like that then tell tell your brothers in in uniform to step up and be a better guy. Do better

Brandi 33:15

Yeah because that's gonna that's gonna stop them.

Rachael 33:17

Hey when you hold your friends accountable I feel like that says something

Brandi 33:22

but do guys I I guess they do to a degree but

Rachael 33:26

only because they're afraid not to like I feel like they don't want to go against the flow and like get made fun of because of it. But if we were all bold enough to like stand up and call them out on their shit then maybe

Exclusivity Versus Labels

Brandi 33:39

Yeah but but at what point do you have that conversation?

Rachael 33:42

Like at what point do you probably don't get deep enough to even have that conversation because they are very surface level like they only see each other for you know certain shifts in the

Brandi 33:53

Have you ever asked like a guy that you're seeing like they're like oh I've got tea this happened and then you ask them for details and there's no details. Have you ever had that happen to you?

Rachael 34:04

Like they're it's intentionally not telling you because they know

Brandi 34:11

they just don't think to ask that's like a thing with men.

Rachael 34:14

Um like they they found it out but then

Brandi 34:17

Like so and so broke up and then you ask oh my god why happen and then they're like I don't know I didn't ask yeah they're like

Rachael 34:25

I think most men just don't think about asking

Brandi 34:27

they don't I've been on like

Rachael 34:29

this is why women are very unsatisfied they don't go deeper

Brandi 34:36

but uh no there's a whole TikTok trend of of women calling their husbands out on that and now men are like focusing on that when they have conversations with their friends. Like even um on Kylie Kelce's podcast she had Travis on there they were doing because I think Jason was traveling or something so she had Travis on as a guest and he was like yeah Taylor's taught me that I need to be more observant and ask questions when I'm out with things because he's like if I go out and see people that we both know or that she introduced to me he's like I gotta make sure I remember who all I saw because she's gonna ask.

Rachael 35:18

Yeah and she's gonna ask it's like pillow talk you know it's like it's a I feel like it's an intimacy thing you know can

Brandi 35:25

Yeah that's probably decreasing in relationships too honestly because everyone's on their phones at night.

Rachael 35:31

Y eah nobody cares about a fucking TikTok that you sent them but if you got the tea about what happens I feel like that's more of a win on my end.

Brandi 35:41

Absolutely I'm nosy as fuck you know why I still have all these people on Facebook that I don't talk to anymore? Because I like to know what's going on

Rachael 35:48

what the tea is yeah I think that's what bothered me a lot about my ex-husband is like he would get the tea and he wouldn't tell me out of like respect for his friends and I'm like fuck you we're married bro tell me everything and he wouldn't

Brandi 36:03

yeah because we also have I mean when I tell some of my friends that are married I know their spouse is gonna hear it too like that's just

Rachael 36:11

y ou just have to assume they do. Yeah yeah like anything that um we might be best friends a couple in particular like you know that they share all the tea with each other and you just have to assume like it is what it is and

Brandi 36:23

if you tell one you tell both.

Rachael 36:24

Exactly and that's how it should be like you should be able to tell your spouse everything.

Brandi 36:28

Yeah they are like best friends but then now like if I told one of them that I killed someone then I'm gonna expect them not to say anything. Like like if me and my best friend had a Marianne and Wanda moment okay and if you don't get that reference and we can't be friends I don't expect her to go back to her husband and say that we did this. Like there are certain levels whereas like your bestie like you take that stuff to the grave. But at the same time if it's trivial stuff yeah then I expect their partner to know for sure you know but because Earl had to die okay exactly but yeah I think I think we're gonna see a decrease in partners with the generations that follow us too because of the factors that millennials were kind of the first to see all the social media everything that's online um the continuous divergence of what women want and what men want in relationships like they're just getting further and further away from aligning and they're becoming more extreme and like the few people in the middle are already like partnered up because they found people but

Rachael 37:52

o h yeah all the cute guys got rings on and you're just like missed opportunity.

Brandi 37:58

So I had a friend in college and she had super powers she was able to look at the guy's face identify if he was attractive or not and look at his ring hand and identify a ring long before I even knew that person was walking by us. So I'd be like ooh she's like has a ring on and I'm like how did you even know

Rachael 38:18

honestly I look for the ring more so before I look at his face

Brandi 38:23

oh no uh it's gotta be the face because I then I'm if it's not there for me then I'm not gonna look further. Yeah so but uh that and I'm more to be honest with you I'm more eye level with most men compared to you. Like you're probably more hand level you know like just kind of sight. It's just I mean I'm the same height as the average man. So

Rachael 38:51

that's why I snuggle with you so much. It's just so nice.

Brandi 38:54

Thanks I know what you're and all the tall guys go for guy or girls your height so then I'm just

Rachael 39:01

yeah they like those shorties. As one men man said to me most recently they're all the same height laying down you know this guy too I'm like that's valid actually

Attraction, Red Flags, And Types

Brandi 39:18

that's fair that's fair that's

Rachael 39:21

and he said that a woman told him that because sh they were dating or had gone out on a date and she was taller and she was like are you concerned about that and he was like no I'm not and she's like well I'm the same height as everybody else laying down so that's funny.

Brandi 39:37

I have had men on dating apps in the past be like look you seem really cool but you're too tall for me. Whether we're the same height or he was like maybe an inch taller than me he's like that's just not for me. So I was like that's fair because now that I know your height you're not for me either like I don't mean like the 666 rule where they're six foot tall six figures and oh what's the other part of the six why am I blinking on it there's like criteria oh yeah six inches

Rachael 40:15

six inches in real standards or like what they think is with the tape measure.

Brandi 40:19

Oh a woman six inches okay because a lot of those six foot tall men are actually like five ten five eleven as well yeah so I'm not that type of like person like you don't have to be right at six foot but I don't want to look down at a man

Rachael 40:35

maybe that should be my goal I need a six six six man

Brandi 40:39

the devil

Rachael 40:44

I don't need to backslide I don't need to backslide into worse people

Brandi 40:49

have those standards it's fine

Rachael 40:51

I do yeah that's why I'm not having sex I'm gonna be part of that statistic next year saying your girl didn't have sex for a year hey hey it is what it is I got Robert that's all

Brandi 41:05

I need to get you a Bob like a more sophisticated older gentleman for the bedroom I don't know what that would be

Rachael 41:19

more sophisticated than Bob?

Brandi 41:20

do you have a Bob?

Rachael 41:22

I have Robert I have Robert which is like

Brandi 41:27

I mean you don't have to go into detail. Do you have a Bob though? Is it Robert Bob Bobby?

Rachael 41:31

Yes okay never mind Bobby is my rose too intense for me honestly but you should buy it because I think you said that was more your vibe. I've got my literal I got I've got my bullet so that's Bob okay and then I've got Robert which

Brandi 41:48

all hands on deck there.

Rachael 41:49

Life changing there because like full on thrusting and you got you just you just got everything with Robert okay so like very sophisticated. She really did and I really appreciated this person for talking to me about which sex toy I should buy. So I just bought three of them and life's been good ever since okay anything else that came up in our data collection and things we learned while researching

Brandi 42:15

yeah a lot more of our female friends are bi than straight. I learned that which I don't blame them.

Rachael 42:24

I don't blame them either

Brandi 42:25

girls are much more attractive to look at than men. See unless they're the men have like six pack abs and

Rachael 42:32

which sure most of them don't know yeah yeah but women are just prettier yeah and they cleaner all around better I just I think all of us have had a conversation at one point or another saying that we liked women over men. Like we wish we liked women over men.

Brandi 42:49

Yeah but yeah that was something else I learned in general I think we had more bisexual women respond women straight women so I thought that was interesting.

Rachael 43:02

Y eah that is interesting did any of the guys say that they were bisexual?

Brandi 43:06

we had one okay obviously I don't know I don't know who any of these people are because I don't have any of that information.

Rachael 43:14

Yeah it was all anonymous so

Brandi 43:15

um but yeah there was one and you could tell they went both ways because I think they had the highest number of partners on the survey

Rachael 43:22

I'm curious who it was I have a few ideas in my head but but um I could ask them hey did you fill out the survey what did you say

Brandi 43:32

Then it won't be anonymous Rachel.

Rachael 43:34

But they can just tell me because we're friends. Okay and they're open like that.

Brandi 43:38

Yeah. But yeah that was something else I learned from our our our survey but yeah for the most part everyone's numbers when you like started taking the averages of like how long they've been sexually active and their number of partners and how long they've been in relationships within that amount of time I mean everyone's numbers are pretty low in the grand scheme. Even if they're like accumulatively their numbers were on the higher end than everyone else when you take in the amount of years they were single I mean I think the highest average was like two people a year.

Rachael 44:13

That's not that so I think overall lessons learned from this conversation just be honest. Yeah like don't be afraid of your number yeah whether it's high whether it's low like just be honest.

Brandi 44:24

Yeah nothing to be ashamed of it's what it's

Rachael 44:28

yeah it's your history it's part of who you are um if you go into that conversation just go into it with curiosity and not just judgment. Um be open to telling your partner about kind of your past, when it happened. Yeah. You're cool with getting tested, all is well there.

Brandi 44:46

Yeah.

Rachael 44:46

Um and yeah, it all comes down to I mean morals was a big thing that was talked about a lot. So what are your morals? What are your values? And I think you'll be able to

Brandi 44:56

Yeah, I think you have a right to have a preference on someone's number as long as you're not being hypocritical.

Rachael 45:02

Correct.

Brandi 45:03

You know, like if you have a low number and you want someone that also has a low number, I can respect that.

Rachael 45:08

Yeah.

Brandi 45:09

But I do not respect anyone that's got a high number and then comes in and says I need you to have only slept with like one or two people.

Height, “666 Rule,” And Standards

Rachael 45:16

Yeah. Also it's just better like if that person has slept with 65 people, you don't need to know who who those people are. I could open up a can of worms if you're like did you sleep with this person? Did you sleep with those never want to know never never know you never ask that question. Yeah. Yeah. It's better not to know who those people are.

Brandi 45:35

Yeah. I didn't even know that. Did you do that?

Rachael 45:39

No. Oh but uh blues guy like he was still friends with a lot of people and like people would tell me things like oh you know they've slept together right like you know that and I'm like no I didn't know that but thanks for telling me appreciate you yeah at that point you're like well why didn't he mention it and then that adds like that just kind of completes your in your relationship.

Brandi 46:02

But that does have walking red flag so not worried about it. Yeah okay communication like always is the important part in any healthy relationship it should be like our tagline if you're in a relationship talk to your partner actually communicate.

Rachael 46:18

Yeah listen yeah all that good stuff okay well thanks everybody for listening thanks for taking our survey we appreciate you hope you all had a good Valentine's Day and got to celebrate with your partners or with your relationship Valentine's Day or just everyone all weekend which is what we did.

Brandi 46:37

We went to all the concerts and it was great.

Rachael 46:39

And we went with like the same crew too same crew same crew. We love our crew okay well thanks everybody for listening text us with suggestions text us with insights uh things that you learned from this episode

Brandi 46:51

or if there's any topics you want us to discuss. Exactly we always love some good ideas. You guys always have some really good ideas for us to talk about

Rachael 46:58

we get our inspiration from you so we appreciate you and download our stuff because uh we just popped our bottle of champagne celebrating our thousand downloads and

Brandi 47:08

which we technically we passed a while in January.

Rachael 47:11

Yeah we passed a while ago and now we are at ooh 1107 downloads.

Brandi 47:16

Get it nice yeah we're getting up there so now we just need another guest on the podcast so Rachel can pop her bottle for me to drink.

Rachael 47:25

See when we move podcast rooms again and get comfier furniture then we'll have a new guest.

Brandi 47:30

Oh is that our plan? Okay sounds good

Rachael 47:33

y eah so like give it a month or two and then we'll pop that other bottle. Okay thanks everybody for listening. Until next time stay bold

Brandi 47:40

s tay empowered