Parenthood Tips & Tricks Part 1

You know I don't edit. So this episode is a part 1 and part 2 because I PUSHED the check mark, not pause. Which created a whole new recording.

Because I use ease! I record on my phone with a simple APP! 

This is how  life should be, easy and aligned to your life. Be intentional about what you're doing! I know that the easier I make my podcast, the more likely I am to do it! I don't need a team, I just need to expand, be intentional, and figure it out.

Now this episode and the part 2 is going to be about my journey raising teenagers and parenting insights that I think will REALLY help. Let the words sink in and those perspective shifts start happening because I know they're not how everyone thinks. 

I think it also helps that my mindset is that of a younger parent who has made it this far with a 16, 13 and 13 year old. The different needs each has and the adapting that happens for me and them! It takes patience, grace and understanding from all parties, but it also took foundational work...cont' in part 2.

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Transcript

[00:00:00] Okay. Um, welcome back. And I have debated, 'cause I wanted to do a podcast episode and I was like, oh my God, I sound so stuffed up. Um, yeah, I've an MIA 'cause a lot of shit's been happening. That'll be a different podcast episode when I've been processing it through this energetic shit. Welcome to a Clips season, bitches.

Okay. No. Not even joking though. I'm waiting for what, the 20th, 21st? I'm, I'm waiting. It's like a finish line for a marathon right now. Energetically, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, probably. Physically too. Hello? I'm like the most deathly sick I've been in probably five years. Um, poor Paul. He got so sick too.

Anyway, I'm on the mend though. I just sound like this and I'm sure I could sit up and maybe sound like I don't, I don't want to. I'm laying down and it's easy for me to record like this. And what do we talk about being unedited And just because I think I quote unquote should, maybe it would sound better.

No, I don't care. I'm doing what I want to. Ugh. [00:01:00] Anyway. Um, but I went back and I looked at, when we talked about doing some stories in the poll I did, and it was. And we did one where it was, um, raising teenagers. So I officially now have three teenagers, three teenage kids. I am a mother of all teens. It's so crazy to me, like, it's so weird.

Not weird though, like, oh my God, where'd the time go weird? Like me? I'm like, I'm like 19. Not really, but like energetically like. Oh, you know, like I have this like, uh, what is, I don't even know how to call it, like this, this approach to life where it's just, I will always be young spirited, like always. And I know I'm gonna feel like this even when I'm 80.

That just like blows my mind anyway. Um, so I was thinking about that and I was like, okay, I have a 13-year-old, a 13-year-old, those are my boys and a 16-year-old. [00:02:00] And I'm just like, whoa. I, I don't know. I've always envisioned this time, so let's get into it. Let's talk about kids. Let's talk about teenagers.

I've noticed it's so funny, we're not perfect, CJ and I, me especially, I mean him, especially both of us, especially parents especially. I'll stop saying especially, but parents are not perfect, like I was gonna say. Especially we had Olivia Young, right? And we all know. You're young, it's sometimes life's harder.

Sometimes you just go ebb and flow through things, and that requires like a major nervous system balance. Like you have to have a regulated nervous system. First of all, if you're gonna be a parent out there, don't just find therapy, whether you're already a parent or not. It's never really, but like regulate your nervous system.

Find a way to regulate, find things that fulfill you, regulate yourself, and then just know that. Your triggers are your own and own them. I [00:03:00] literally have had to work at that. I've had time and I have a couple things growing up. Up until their teens that have helped this apologizing, I've always been able to say I'm sorry or where I thought I'd gone wrong because if they were my friend, if they were my mom, my sister, my bestie, my husband, my grandma, my gardener.

My pool boy, I don't have a pool, but whoever they were in society, if I was in the wrong, would I not apologize? Would I not say I'm sorry? And then try to explain where I was coming from. Because as much as I empathize with them, I want them to learn empathy too. Not excuses as much as, wow, people are human, my parents are human, adults are human.

Um, and that's 'cause I have heard a lot in the past that people. When they realized that their parents weren't perfect, it kind of like fucked with them. And that's crazy to me. 'cause I was like, I don't know if I ever thought that because a little bit, 'cause my parents to me, they were obviously my most [00:04:00] safe space in our family.

You know, I don't know. It was, it was just coming from a place as a child, I can see that. Um. But now I'm like, oh my gosh. I am consistently who I am. If you ever met me or know me, I am who I am to you, to my kids on here, uh, to my husband, to my mom. Maybe a little bit more whiny to my mom 'cause she's like my sounding board for life.

Um, apologies mom, for coming to you with every single freaking problem I've ever had. I mean, I know I don't need to apologize. She's literally amazing. Um. But see, that's the thing, right? Like being able to go to people for things like that, that we trust and that feel capable. Um, which brings me back to my whole thing.

So I grew up knowing like, okay. Now, it wasn't always like that. Like I remember I used to get so frustrated. I used to raise [00:05:00] my voice like a lot, a lot. Like I could not, I'd get so mad, I'd be like short to, and all this was me. I had nothing. Trust me, I could be in a room full of toddler right now and just be like, cool, no one's sleeping for 12 days.

Well, let's figure out why. What's wrong? Like the patience I have now is just immaculate. Especially towards tiny little minions who have giant emotions and many little bodies. Um. But, and now, especially for my kids, 'cause I'm like, oh, these are just people. They're lit. We're literally cohabitating in a home with other people who are gonna go out and go into society.

Why would I make that harder for them? Right. Um, now there are times when I'm still like, Hey, and I get their attention. I'm like, let's really go inward right now. And that's more of a self-awareness for them. Like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I need you to be aware of what you're doing because we're still guiding we're parents.

That's the whole point. Guide them to go out into the world. Right? [00:06:00] Um, so, so yeah, I've always been able to apologize because this is what I tell people. This is my one number one thing. Your children are people. They're people. If you wouldn't treat your friends, your mom, your elderly, 90-year-old, great-grandmother, your.

Besties, your mechanic, your fricking favorite florist if you wouldn't treat them, anyone like that a certain way, but you would to your children, like in a negative or light, right? Like let's say you would only treat your children that way, but then you would never someone else. That's not okay. I'm just gonna throw that every now are we.

Feeling more safe and vulnerable as a unit. And you can sometimes let out those sides of yourself that are sometimes not the most pleasant. Yes. And that's okay, but that's where the apologizing comes in. Right? That's where, just like I know the best friends out there, I know spouses out there. You guys have gotten in fights, you've had to get vulnerable, [00:07:00] things have occurred, words have been shared, right?

But you've come back and made amends and I don't think enough parents. I don't think they make amends with their children. So you just expect to keep going on with life over and over and over without ever having made amends or apologized or, um, restored whatever has been broken or cracked. And then after, you know, 18, 20, 30 years of that, you're wondering, you know, like.

I don't know why they're so broken or I don't know why they just feel that way towards me, or I don't know. Maybe 'cause you've been chipping away at them, but never took time to like glue them back together. Right. And so that's my only piece of advice is like you're still a person being a human, but they are too.

And together you both can have empathy. You both can understand each other Also, I don't know why my voice sounds so shaky and weird like that. Like to me it sounds like I'm about to cry and I'm totally not. I did sit up though, see what happens when I sit up and try and talk. But that's just because I was like [00:08:00] focused more on my nose was itchy.

Okay, so that was like one thing is just really understand that they are people just like you and everybody else, and empathy, self-awareness for you and them. Right? A regulated nervous system times a billion, that's number one. And apologizing and being able to apologize. Oh, speaking of why is the dog going crazy?

Maybe one of my other, my eldest might be home, so we're gonna pause for a minute because if she is home, she's gonna do my attention.

Let me see. Okay. She's here, but I know she's gonna come up, so I may pause one more time. I got another one downstairs. Uh, he's playing a video game saying something. I think something's going terribly wrong anyway. Um, so that's the thing, right? And then like we forget that [00:09:00] we forget to even treat other humans like humans.

So then it makes us kind of sometimes do that to our children or do that to where we're most vulnerable and safe and let our guards down and kind of emotionally be raw and vulnerable and vomit everywhere, right? And, and as much as we should be real and have that and share that, it's. It doesn't mean that we need to, um, not be so unaware of it, that we keep putting it on our kids.

Right. And keep taking it out on them and keep putting that. Oh, see, now I'm distracted. This is my lady, HD people. Yep. Okay. She is here. Hang on.