Hot Comb Survivors
It's a place where women of a "certain age" can come together to talk truth, trash and transformation about any and everything.
Hot Comb Survivors
When Daughters Become Mothers: Our Evolving Journey
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Introducing the Hot Comb Survivors
Speaker 1Hello, I'm Denise, I'm Lisa, I'm Takisha and I'm Laverne, and we're the Hot Comb Survivors. Come join us. It's an opportunity where women of a certain age will talk truth, trash and transformation. Hey, everyone, for today's conversation, we're going to chat about Mother's Day Mother's Day and we've got the hot comb survivors here, so I'll kick it off.
Speaker 1I lost my mother almost nine Mother's Day ago, and it's been a bit of a challenge. It's been a bit of a challenge. I remember the first year, the first Mother's Day, I called your mother. Yeah, so that first Mother's Day was certainly tough. I called Lisa's mom and I spent time on the phone with her in tears, but you know what it did, what it needed to do, and it got me through the day, and I have yet to call her again, crying in tears. So that's definitely a win. What's been everyone else's experience in terms of just mother's day in general? Three of us here don't have our mothers with us and one of us, um, still does so. Just to give you a bit of context as to where we are all coming from yeah, so I lost my mom Back in 2010. And those first few ones were difficult because I was saying, okay, I need to. I'm not going to call my mom Right, yeah, but I think the transition, what helped, is that we always went to church, my mom and I.
Speaker 1We always went to church for Mother's Day. I remember, as I was growing up, she would always get us flowers, corsages. Mine would be red because my mom was still living right, and it hurt White, right. Anybody else have that tradition. So, yeah, I guess even growing up and becoming a mom going to church on Mother's Day for me kind of eased the blow because the tradition of us going to church was still going on and having Christ as my comforter made it easy. But although my mother and I had a very what's the word that I use? We had some friction. We had some friction, but I always, I always loved the fact that my mother, although we didn't agree on a lot of things, what she did see in me was because I I guess I would have been a hot mess without her being so strong on me. Yeah, if it was left to my dad, I would probably, although I'm a daddy's girl, I would have been a probably a hot mess without my mama, you know, but I miss that old gal. Yeah. Yeah, my mother's name was Rose, as you guys know, so it's always about roses and red roses, and she would get her roses every Mother's Day.
Speaker 1We would go to church, somebody in the family would, uh, would cook, and we would all come together and her tradition for herself was to make her own clothes and create her own hat. Yeah, that was, that was her. I love it, that was her thing. So I want to see the picture. Yes, yes, I, I, I should post them. I should, I should definitely post them. I can do neither. I can't even quarrel, so I don't have as much of those traditions, and at some point we'll talk about how we establish new traditions, right From Mother's Day as a daughter and now Mother's Day as a mother.
Speaker 1Well, that segues directly into what I'm thinking, because I'm currently in the process of trying to find new tradition, because mine has always been centered around food, my grandmother, my great-grandmother and my mother. I to say we never, like most folks, go out to a bar and store a dinner. We did not. No, it was just having a home-cooked meal at the table and my grandmother would cook that, and she's not here anymore and my mom is not here anymore. So that puts so much different perspective because, for me, house is really about smells around, especially around holiday time. So I'm gonna have to make those smells happen. I'm here for it, girl, be inviting some folks over to eat something. So that's really what I'm in right now trying to find what the new tradition is going to be, because we are trying to think about how to, of course, see and love on all those mothers that we still do have, yeah, and want to celebrate them. But it's different, it's much different.
Speaker 1And speaking of having new, new traditions, well, so, after my mom passed, I have this wonderful, precious gift called sister jane in my life, who is a caterer, or was a caterer, who, um, has commissioned us as a family to always come together on Mother's High holidays, and Mother's Day is one of them. So she's already, she's on us right now, like okay, and she's doing it at the church. So it's either going to be at the house, where she's going to create, but she's getting older, so it's the rest of us that are really beginning to create those dishes and come together. But she's already settled it that we're not doing it at the house this year, we're going to do it at the church and it's going to be a fundraiser and I want you to sing Denise, da-da-da-da-da-da, wow, okay, okay, sister Jane, why can't you traditionally put it together? Oh, wow, okay, okay, sister jake, you are, how old are you? You are 87, 88. You get whatever you want, mother. You get whatever she's got the vision for what she has, the vision so she look like for your family, yes, so you know, speaking of those new traditions, it's really about me and the in-law daughters and sons coming together and really creating those dinners, those Mother's Day dinners, together.
Speaker 1And similar to Laverne's point about going to go with Lisa's mom yeah, I just recently had breakfast with Lisa's mom as well. So I'm adopting your mom, yeah, and I have several other mothers that I'm right I have adopted and who have been mothers to me for years and years, who I love dearly, and I would love to make sure that they know that they are a part of my Mother's Day tradition, that they are a part of my Mother's Day tradition. So it's going to be a new, interesting way of finding how to celebrate them. But I can't even talk about.
Speaker 1I go amiss if I would not speak about Mother Mile, because when I tell you she fills, she filled the gap, even when I was coming up, the nurture part that was so desperately. I love your mother so much, me too. Yes, mother Mile is definitely a filler of the gap, me too. Yes, mother miles is definitely a filler of the gap. But I mean, there are so many mothers I could name. I have to name mama Jerry, who is my niece's mom, mama Joanne who is Sean's mom, and so many other moms. But, like you said, a necessary gap. I mean, even when my mother was alive, exactly, I still love that. That was a different type of motherly love.
Speaker 1Yes, and your mother's, your friend's moms, yeah, you form a bond with them, that's true, and it's so needed and I'm so grateful for having friends with great moms. You're all welcome, um, but that's definitely something I hear about my mom a lot, like the number of folks who who call my mom mom or you, you know, grandma or whatever. She just kind of has that spirit. You know, as she gets older she'll be 89 this year, no, she'll be 90 this year Every Mother's Day seems like more and more important, right, because you recognize that you know nobody gets forever.
Speaker 1I think I feel the weight of you know of that, more so on Mother's Day Like it's more, it's a focus of like, oh my God, you know my mom's here this year, yeah, and you've got to like get every moment out of it. You feel like you got to kind of overdo it. But I think my mom is real great in just kind of, you know, guiding us and just live. You know, just live in the moment and appreciate the people that you're with. And doesn't have to be anything big or, you know, whatever she my mom actually doesn't go to church on Mother's Day since her mom's passed. Oh, wow, okay, she doesn't do, she doesn't go to church on Mother's Day so often. I'll go and then afterwards, you know, I have to church and go kind of pick her up and have dinner. So that's a little bit of a different you know tradition, how a tradition changed after, after her mom passed.
Speaker 1But I think what's also interesting is the balance between Mother's Day and me honoring my mother and recognizing that I'm also, you know, a mother. Yeah, you know. And then how, how do you kind of balance those two Mother's Day as a mother and Mother's day as a daughter, right, yeah, yeah, yep. But it's interesting that now I'm beginning to kind of see more clearly the things that I took from my mother. You know, like the way that I because now I'm a grandmother, right, so that's a whole other next level kind of thing and I'm just kind of being really reflective on you know how I mother my daughter and you know how my mother must have felt, like watching me and feeling like I got to let you figure that out, because I look at McKenzie sometimes and go, I ain't going to say nothing, I ain't going to say nothing.
Speaker 1But the whole mother, the motherly thing, is so very complicated, very complicated it really is. There's so many layers of you being a daughter and also being a mother. It's weird and finding the balance and it is very weird because I now have to allow myself to be the center of attention. It's like unusual. Yeah, we are usually behind the scenes making it happen. Are you going to make it happen? Now?
Speaker 1Y'all want to take me that position of transition, which I think that's the place where I am right now, having recently lost my mother. Now I'm looking, thinking about well many family members I've lost through COVID and you know life, through COVID and you know life. But it's like I'm thinking about aunts that I have to honor now that I really didn't really focus too much on. But now, as the family is shrinking, I'm thinking about them more intently. And I'm a grandma, didn't I mention that? And you're a grandma.
Speaker 1I'm gonna try to wrap my head around that, because when I think about my grandmother, like she's still this bigger than life figure for me, you know, and she's like I think of you, know, my grandmother. She has all this wisdom and wit and then and me being like me, right right to me, settling into into like you know, I don't, I don't necessarily see myself that way and so coming to terms with the fact that you know, but that's the role that you play now and that the wisdom is in you, right, because you live Right Now, my mom is poured into me and my grandmother is poured into me and I have all of that you know. But it's just the kind of coming to understand yeah, I think Mother's Day kind of focuses is you on that? That you know that you now are that person that you saw, you know, idolize my grandmother was like everything to me and I'm her namesake, so even feeling like I could live up to using the name you know, like I'm gonna be some, you know, no pressure. Yeah, right, because she's this bigger than life, yeah, bigger for me. I'm like, but now that's you and I was talking to my cousins, like my, you know, my first cousin. You know like, yeah, you're, you're kind of the family matriarch, you know you're the you're not the grandmother, the matriarch or whatever you you're like. When did that happen and when does the wisdom kick in? When does that? But you recognize, through the everyday living that you do, now you are the pourer of all that has been poured into you and how each of us we were just talking, talking about you know being mothered by others. But how many people we are mothering, you know at this point, our friends' children, and you know folks who are now coming to us for us to pour into them, and it's just something that we naturally do because we watch our mothers do it to others. That's true. Our mothers do it to others, that's true.
Speaker 1And you made a point, takisha, about your aunties, and I'm like, especially now, like I'm down to the last two aunties on my mom's side. All of my father's siblings have passed on, so it's really getting in touch and keeping a pulse on what's going on there and and what is really wild is that they, they keep their hand on me, they're constantly. They'll call me and say how you doing? I haven't heard from you, you know, and they're still pouring into me, which is really amazing because there's, like I said, 102 and 92, right? So I'm like, wow, okay, but I'm still trying to keep up and make sure that they're good and make sure, you know, I mean, they have, thank God, you know, their, their grandchildren and their children also taking care of them, but just keeping a pulse on.
Speaker 1But those touch points that you mentioned, those are so important Because just last night my cousin flew in to go to Mohegan Sun, like I don't need much of that, but of course we drove up there. Oh no, no, you need me, I'll go Just to see my cousin. Oh, no, you didn't need me. I'm home Just to see my cousin. It's okay Not to gamble, just to see my cousin, but yes, it was so important for me to drive to see her, because that's what we were raised to do Just touch in, check on each other, love on each other, make sure that they don't Every day Lock eyes. Okay, locked eyes. Yeah, that to me is so important, and now that's what I'm imparting to my children I don't care what you do, you have each other Right, you have to stay connected to each other. Yeah, check on your brother and your sister, no matter what, yeah, so I feel like that's the wisdom that we have to impart.
Speaker 1It's true, and I think, as black women, we carry almost a responsibility though I don't want to phrase it that way necessarily of a mothering spirit, right like there's. There's a responsibility that we have to kind of nurture and grow and that, um and I think it's great that we've created this village, right, because our children have aunties in each one of us. So you know, at different times, depending on what the issue is, any one of us can pour into the other's children, and I think that that becomes particularly for black children, just to kind of have that kind of and you never know when you're pouring in, right to be an unexpected time, maybe just totally thinking it is an inadvertent exchange, but you have touched somebody's heart and don't even know it. So that spirit is strong and we have to keep it alive. But I just think that you know, our parents had an amazing you know our mothers rather had an amazing way of always gathering like the family together in one space.
Mother's Day After Loss
Speaker 1I know, for my family, all of my aunties and my mom was always like, okay, we're going, we're going to take a trip to Auntie Hattie's house for the weekend. All right, let's go. And they had it happen so soon. And then, right, they didn't even think about it. Oh yeah, auntie Ruth, she's coming, uncle Jimmy he's coming. You know everybody's coming. I'm like, oh, okay, everybody will get in where they can fit in.
Speaker 1There was no, there was no hotel mode. Like who? Everybody got a cot. It wasn't even thought of. Yeah, my mother was the oldest of the 11. They just made it happen. Yeah, you pull out, pull out the extra bed, you make some room here on the floor. And it was just. I don't know how many times I was asleep asleep on the sofa bed. You make some room here on the floor. And it was just. I don't know how many times I was asleep asleep on the sofa bed in south carolina and gotten woken up by a bunch of cousins opening the door, you know, to the living room at six o'clock in the morning. I remember the palette on the floor. I don't know if y'all ever had the experience of the palette on the floor. I think this week, so excited to me, we had to make a palette. But you know, um, that that was the the blessing of the mothers. Right, they made it happen. And not to say that dads didn't, but moms just not like. Mom, it's not like, it's just different. It's just different, it was just different. They made it special Because, you know, when family was visiting, of course breakfast was going to be in the morning, so all your favorite things were going to be cooked.
Speaker 1Everything is getting cooked. Like I said, the smells. That brings me back to my childhood. That is just the bacon, the pancakes, the salmon cakes, the grits, the grits with salt, yes, the grits with salt and butter. No, sugar, this is butter. We're not going to fight about the grits. We're not gonna talk about the savory grits are the best.
Speaker 1I feel very singled out. I'm just, I'm not even, I'm not even rewarded, because I feel like the choice speaks for itself. You know, I just move on, but I'm wondering what do you all think is the biggest difference between the way you parent and the way your mother parented you? We talked a lot about similarities and the way they parent to you, but do you see that there are any differences in the way you parent your children or mother your children than the way your mother did, your mother did. I'm gonna. I feel like I give much more leeway than my mother ever would have or grandmother ever would have not done. I'm sure you will hear a much different respect perspective from my children. They they think I'm too strict and holding too tightly, but I'm like you. You don't know, no idea, no idea, oh for sure.
Speaker 1I felt like I was, and that's largely because of richard, because he, he, had a different household, so I just think that he was just and I was like, well, he has all boys and his and they all turned out pretty good, right? So maybe I am, maybe, you know, because my mother was like hard, like she was not letting, she would have my foot on my neck 20 he's still telling you 24, 7, right, and even her mother even more so. Because I had a little bit more than just a little bit, just a tiny bit more. But yeah, I let my kids do a lot more than I could ever do at younger ages as a son and I tried to be, I don't know, my. Maybe one song would say I didn't listen, but I tried to listen more to my children and allow them to have a voice. Yeah, yeah, more so than my mother. I think she was like that's what I said and that's what it is and that's how it's going to be, right, and it's that way I said it and I said what I said Right In the discussion.
] Differences in Parenting Styles
Speaker 1But I just remember feeling so trapped and not having. I just felt like I was stifled a lot in what I wanted to say, which sometimes kind of backfired with her as I got older. So I really did try to give a little bit more to my children. I feel like our children, they have opinions. I don't remember ever having the option of testing Right, yeah, I mean, that's the biggest thing Opinions out loud. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like expect to yourself yeah, right, and we listen to it.
Speaker 1Like I feel like I find myself being much more open listening to the things that they say, some of the things I don't want to hear but I want to know them. Sometimes you hear and you're like I don't want to hear but I want to know. Sometimes you hear and you're like I don't really want to know that. Yeah, I so appreciate that we have this relationship that you would tell me. But I don't want to hear that and I'm like, okay, just stifle her and just do it. But yeah, with my mom it was sort of no, it wasn't. Sort of, it was absolutely. This is the way. It is no opinion, you just did it and that was, that was law. I will ask the kids what they think. I'm like, ok, that's very nice, but this is what we're going to do, it Right. At least I would hear them out Right now, because I've got like opinionated kids and that would serve them very well in the world but really sometimes can drive you a little crazy in the house, but you're shaping them for what's going to happen out there.
Speaker 1Does it matter if your mom is a single mom or not? Does that matter in terms of because I heard each of you kind of talk about the ability to share an opinion my mom was a single mom, so I'm wondering if you're and I'm not, and my mom and I have very different parenting stuff right, and I'm wondering you know how much of that is, because what I say goes, because it's just, you know, in terms of a parenting figure. So I have to have that level of control, whereas if you parent in a two parent situation, maybe you feel like there's a little bit more flexibility. You think that matters? I think for me, my mother was raised by her grandmother and Effie didn't play any punches. I mean, she ruled pretty seriously and that was my mother's model from which to pull from. Did you pull your parenting style from your mom? Some, but I'm a little bit of a squish ball, like I'm open to discussion and hearing what you think. So I would say not so much. Some, but not so much because she was pretty hardcore. She's pretty hardcore and knew everybody active in the school. She was the neighborhood mother, like was connected to everything and everybody, so she knew what was going on.
Speaker 1There was no way, especially for my older sisters, like they were going to do something and get out and have it, not get back to her. And I think for me I was kid number five. I was like, ok, yeah, that's not really working, let me just not even do that, because I saw how it was going. I'm like, yeah, I'm just not going to do it. I'm going to choose the path of least resistance. I'm just not going to do it. I'm going to choose the path of least resistance. I'm going to learn from them. Yeah, and I think we're all the youngest. Oh, no, no, I'm not the oldest Oldest, but with me, like no, I'm my younger sister, that's right, that's right. But when you have older siblings and you see what they're doing, you go yeah, no, no, older siblings and you see what they're doing, you go oh, yeah, no, no, thank you, no, thank you, I'm not, I'm not doing that, so that, but my, I mean I, I don't.
Speaker 1To get back to what you're saying, lisa, I guess, although I had my father was around, my mother was definitely, she was, she was the end all and be all in the house, like, yeah, no, he made the room. She, yeah, like he, he's gonna go along, she was the mom, he wasn't going. No, thelma, we're not. No, whatever you say Thelma, okay, that're not. No, whatever you say, thelma, okay, that's who he was. He was like, really laid back. He wasn't trying to kick up any drama where that was concerned.
Speaker 1So, with my situation, though, it's kind of odd because I'm, my parents were both teenagers when I was born, so my mother technically was a teenage mom quote, single parent but she wasn't single because she had her mother, her father. Yeah, my father's family was very present in my life, but my mother was very progressive as a parent. She, I think, because she was raised under a very strict household. She did not want to raise her child feeling so stifled. So I I adopted some of her parenting style, but I also adopted some of my grandmother's parenting style, so she was very in your face, so she had really strict rules, which I love. I mean.
Speaker 1I think children, I mean especially me and mine I feel like they thrive on the structure. So it's kind of, sometimes they do, sometimes not so much. My parenting style is like a hodgepodge between grandmother, mother and my family at large, and I'm grateful for it. I think you know I've learned a lot now, lisa, right, how would you think, compared to you and your brother? Because it's not, this is the mother-daughter relationship versus the mother-son relationship.
Speaker 1Yeah, I think my mother, first of all, in her parenting style, was a product of you raise boys and girls differently. Yeah, right, and so you know, keith had a lot of leeway and independence that I didn't have. Yeah, and also because you, you know, my father wasn't in the home and he was the oldest male that you know, he kind of took a parenting role for me at some point too, which I think in some instance she relinquished to him, and I have some feelings about that. So there, you know, there was that part of it. But my mom, I think, particularly where I was concerned, was very, very restrictive, very, very, you know, and I think I'm much more lenient in the way that and lenient in that, I think, very early I made a decision to raise critical thinkers and I think for me, I thought about it as it's almost survival.
Speaker 1I need for you to be able to think and to be easy and to speak out and speak up. And I think for a long time I was very, very shy and it took me a really long time to find my voice and be able to. Once I found it, though, once I got it, I got it, once I realized it was in there. And I think, you know, part of that was also my grandmother.
Speaker 1I remember being with my grandmother once. We were coming out of the church and I used to go stay with her every summer and she was introducing me to one of her, you know, one of the church women. She said this is my granddaughter Aletha, because she was very proud of that name. And the woman spoke to me and I mumbled or didn't speak up and I remember my grandmother was like don't you ever not speak up? When someone's speaking to you, you speak up. You don't have to be quiet Like people are going to think you're dumb. You know, I think that's just the way, but it always stuck. I mean, I was traumatized in the moment but it stuck with me that you know because in her, her own way, what she was imparting to me is your voice is important. You have a right to speak because you know you, you as a child in those days it's like the children are seen and not heard. But what my grandmother was saying is you speak and you carry my name, you know that you are. That's what I felt in a moment and I just think that that made it such a huge. Like that name carries weight. That name carries weight, you have something to say, you have the right to speak up.
Speaker 1I think that just kind of changed direction, um, for me in a lot of spaces. So I think I my children took that to heart and ran with it because they critical, think me to death now. Yeah, all right, y'all, yeah, right, yeah. But yeah, it's been an interesting dream and now I'm just gonna sit back and giggle and watch my daughter. So you know, watch her um, kind of go through all of the crystal, because I think they think they have it all figured out right. But then once you are in role of parent, then then you see, you know what that looks and feels like. I'm waiting for that day. Yep, there will be an eye open, yeah.
Speaker 1So, getting back to new mothering or Mother's Day traditions, what are some of the things you think will be changing or not, or just keeping the same? Don't answer all at once. I think the church is definitely a constant at least in my future, I see that being consistent. But after church the question becomes who's going to cook that dinner? That's really what it's coming down to who's cooking, who's going to cook and prepare. Right, I mean, I'm looking forward to no tradition.
Speaker 1You know like you get up that morning and wherever the day takes you, the day takes you, and that'd be all right. I like that. Just kind of let go and let God you know for the day and don't feel like I have to cook or I don't have to cook, I have to go to church, just let whatever feels right, and as long as like families together, whatever you do, even if you're just sitting around, you know, chit-chatting, and there really is no structure, no day. So I think I'm okay, because if you think about it as a mother, you're constantly planning and thinking so for that day, just to be able to just constantly, I'd be all right, it's good, and I think that's a good way to think about it. And it's still this crossroads, because I've got two adult children, one of which is not going to be home for Mother's Day. So that's going to be another challenge. Which one? Malcolm? Malcolm is going to be living his best life, as he does most days, but I'm sure I'll hear from him, but it's going to be different. Yeah, ellis will be away at school, so he's not going to be home, like my little jokester who makes me laugh, right, so I'll miss that.
Speaker 1But I do actually in fact enjoy coming together with the in-laws and us, kind of coming up with a meal or not, or spending this time with Sister Jane is absolutely precious for me and, whenever the time comes, still carry on that tradition of gathering the families. Still carry on that tradition of gathering the families, because it's not too many opportunities that we all get together, and especially as that side of the family begins to grow with children, so forth. I think it's I like it. I like having being around everyone. I do. I enjoy that.
Speaker 1Sometimes the preparation is a bit much, lisa, as you say. Right, it's a lot, and we are the orchestrators. Yeah, but every other day I don't mind putting the house together and setting the table for them to come or just go out. But I'd rather not go out because it's just too much. I'd rather cook a ham. Cook a ham, put some cake on or something like that. Somebody else bring some vegetables. I like that idea. Potluck, that's it. That makes life a lot easier. I don't care if you bring it from the store, I don't care, let's just put it on the table. Let's sit here, eat, talk, talk about everything and nothing, which is always fun, I think.
Speaker 1As I'm getting older, I feel like for those kinds of days, there's so much pressure on that particular day, right, right, so that day doesn't go well, so-and-so can't show up, or this person can't be home, and there's so much pressure on the day. And I think I'm really trying to focus on the times when, just haphazardly, we're all in the house, right Like it's all. The kids are home, jeff and I are home, grandkids are around and we just have pizza and giving as much value to that time so that when, oh, so-and-so can't be home for another day, it's okay because we have a history or just kind of you know, a movement that allows for us to kind of share the time. I just think there's so much pressure put on these particular days that you know folks are I don't know, because I know when folks lose their mother and their mother's day comes around, it's just so much, it's so heavy. So I just I'm really trying to figure out how you just kind of I have to think we do have to do it. Whatever time make the time, just go, make the time and go. This is the first month everyone will be home in a couple years.
Speaker 1So I'm a big fan of the hang loose. I'm a big fan of the hang loose because there is just such pressure that if it doesn't go the way it should air quotes guys that somehow it's not successful. So I'm like, yeah, no, I'm not doing that. You're feeling bad because, oh, you know, so-and-so didn't call it's Mother's Day, yeah, and that becomes a signal of how much you're loved. And no, because last Friday we were just all chilling and it wasn't mother's day, but it was just as important. Wednesday it was wednesday and I was done and that was good, or you know, whatever. So that's not.
Speaker 1I feel like certain days it puts so much pressure on everything to be right because it's not even enjoyable. I think I'll get to the point where it's not about the the event, it's about what did not happen. Or like the big grand gestures on certain days, like, no, take care of me every day. You know, I don't need a big to do on one particular day, like feed me every day, feed me something every day. Doesn't need to be some big, glamorous thing, but just doing that on a regular basis, like I was just. I think I was saying earlier right now, I'm just, I'm appreciating the emojis right now. If that's all you can manage, that's fine, that's fine. I just want to make sure that there's some. So, guys, so you've had a good conversation on mother's day and tradition and all things related to mother's day.
Speaker 1What is the truth for me? The truth is having that day be what you want it to be without any kind of pressure. I think, knowing the value and the strength of being a mother and honoring the value and the strength that your mother has poured into you in some way, shape or form Every day, every single day, every single day, not just that day Just honoring what that is. And I also think that one of the other truths is that we are able to impart the truth, the love that we have experienced over the years, to others. Imparting our love will be another way to keep that tradition going.
Speaker 1Another one of the truth that I have, I think the truth for me, is finally kind of figuring out that you know, um, as a mother, you're gonna get some stuff wrong, right, like you're gonna look back and say I should have done that differently. But I think, no matter what, if you love your kids, that's what remains. Like they will get past all of the oh, I should have done this better, I didn't show up in this, I broke this promise, I didn't mother this way. But I think if you overall make the mistakes but you make the mistakes in love the love is what remains. Right, they'll look back. They're like my mom's crazy, but I know, yeah, yeah, that was my mom and and that I think I think we give, we're really hard on ourselves to try to get it right and then we feel all this guilt about the stuff we got wrong. But I think if it comes from love, the kids know that, yeah, we have to give them a little more credit, right, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1So what's the trash? What is the trash? Is it the 500 markup on on flowers that day? Is it getting into a restaurant where you're overpaying and services, that's all? Is it anything performative? Is that trash? Is how much money Harm Rock has made me Exactly. Now I have to come back in the community. Yeah, right, yeah, it's trash. That's serious trash. That's a trash, absolute trash. We got the same trash this time, right, yeah, for sure.
Speaker 1And what's the transformation? I actually think what you said about not beating yourself up for you know what you didn't do, but just mothering with love and having the kids know that, yeah, I think that's transformative for me. And having the not giving so much credence to making it perfect, but in enjoying the day, you want to enjoy it, just enjoying it the way you want to enjoy it. If it's with your family and having a big dinner, then so be it. And if it's just staying in your bed and watching TV and watching Homework all day, that's okay too. Transformation yes, yes, whatever. I wouldn't be watching Home Off, but I gave it to you. No, no, no, I'm not just saying whatever that looks like, yes, yes, I think part of the transformation for me is that we acquire mothers as we go along throughout life. Okay, thanks for joining us and I hope you guys have a great Mother's Day.
