17. Embodied Boundaries for PMS Relief

In this episode  I explore the concept of embodied boundaries and their significance in managing PMS, PMDD, and premenstrual rage. 

By connecting boundaries to the menstrual cycle, I emphasize the importance of understanding and respecting personal limits throughout the entire cycle to prevent severe premenstrual symptoms. 

I delve into the challenges of people pleasing, self-abandonment, and the impact of societal expectations on boundary-setting as well as how you can start to build a stronger relationship with your yes, no and maybe to start getting relief from PMS and PMDD symptoms.

If you resonate with this you might like the 7-week PMS relief program, which focuses on experiential exercises, including embodied boundaries practice, to help participants navigate their luteal and premenstrual phases with greater confidence and lasting relief. Find out more here

00:00 Introduction to Embodied Boundaries

00:08 The Cycle and Boundaries

02:12 People Pleasing and Self-Abandonment

04:27 Premenstrual Phase and Boundaries

05:49 Embodied vs Cognitive Boundaries

09:11 Practical Exercises for Embodied Boundaries

09:57 Invitation to PMS Relief Course

15:08 Conclusion and Final Thoughts

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Website: www.letmebleedinpeace.com

Email: claire@letmebleedinpeace.com

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Transcript

 Hello and welcome to the Loving in Luteal podcast. I'm your host Claire and today's episode is all about embodied boundaries. So I've talked a little bit about how people pleasing can contribute to PMS and PMDD and premenstrual rage and all of that and I really want to dive into it today in the context of boundaries and the difference between just your standard boundaries and really Embodied boundaries and what I mean by that and it's quite topical because I am coming to you from day 16 and I am in my inner summer, but I am feeling oh so tired and so drained and It's really interesting to see how, where I have stretched my boundaries, or not held them firm, particularly in my inner winter, that has now impacted my energy in summer.

And this is just such a perfect example of how the cycle is a cycle, it's not linear. Each season doesn't happen in, you know, independently, it doesn't happen in isolation. And so When I'm talking about these embodied boundaries, I don't want you to just be thinking about them in the context of your inner autumn.

It can be really helpful to think about it in the whole cycle because where you are not in integrity and not in alignment with your own boundaries and your own needs, throughout the rest of the cycle will amplify. What happens in your premenstrual time because don't forget that premenstrual time is all about the truth serum.

It's letting you know Where things aren't quite right? What is coming up to be seen to be healed? Where can we step into a fuller version of ourselves and part of that includes where have we been not honoring our yes, no, and maybe. Where have we not been genuine with our boundaries? Where have we set boundaries and then kind of recoiled a little bit?

Um, because we feel guilty for setting them, that kind of thing. So

that kind of leads me nicely on to why the heck am I talking about embodied boundaries on a podcast that's all about PMS and stuff like that. So as I've mentioned before, There's a correlation, there's a correlation in what I see between people who have these really severe premenstrual symptoms and people who people please.

And I don't really, I'm not a massive fan of the word people, the term people pleasing because it kind of has like some positive connotations. It's like, oh, I'm such a people pleaser, like, you know, and we can wear it as a badge of honor. But, um. I don't know, I'm not sure what I could think of as a better, a better term, but really what people pleasing is, is abandoning yourself, it's self abandonment.

To either keep other people comfortable and happy, but actually also what it's about is keeping yourself comfortable, because often what will happen is if we people please, really the other person's discomfort. In and of itself, if they don't, you know, like our no, or, you know, what we want to say or do when we're not people pleasing, that in and of itself isn't an issue.

Like, that, that is theirs to hold if they're uncomfortable with that, if they don't, you know, respect it, whatever. Where it becomes our, or where we, yeah, it becomes our issue is when we're uncomfortable with that reaction. And of course there's circumstances where, like, They have a really bad reaction, and it is, it is unsafe, and it is not pleasant, and it is harmful for us, but outside of the context of that.

Actually, what's happening is we're uncomfortable with the other person's discomfort. And so what we try to do is we try to avoid that discomfort within ourselves by people pleasing and by keeping the other person happy and keeping it sweet. And that might be rooted in trauma, it could be rooted in all sorts of things, but also just like, if you've been socialized as a woman, um, I think that there is like a huge, you know, huge, um, Expectation to do this, um, to keep the peace, to be the person who keeps everybody happy, that nurturing kind of thing, but from that toxic perspective.

And when we do that, we're abandoning ourselves, okay? So this is not in alignment with our, you know, the best version of ourselves, the version of ourselves that, like, cares for all of our inner children, all our parts, and really stands in our power. And Inner autumn or your premenstrual or your luteal phase, whatever you want to call it, is the time where that comes to light.

This is the time where  there's that energy of let's strip away all the bullshit. What's really here? What is really true? And with that comes Possibly premenstrual anger, mood swings, distancing yourself from people, all this kind of stuff. Maybe an inner critic comes out at you, maybe it comes out at other people.

And that can be because we haven't had firm enough boundaries. Around the rest of our cycle, but it could also be that we're not holding those boundaries in our premenstrual phase. And when we're in your premenstrual phase, you really need a lot of space, like you're digesting and processing the whole month that has just gone, and You're also, you know, those kind of wounds or triggers that perhaps you wouldn't normally look at, you know, those shadow wounds can be coming to the surface.

So there's a lot going on, and so you need a lot of space, you need a lot of you time, and just time to just sit and be. Or more so than in other phases of your cycle. So that you can do that processing, so that you can do that work. So when those boundaries aren't strong, you're not able to do that, and then this frustration comes up, and this anger, and this urgh, and it all comes out of everyone and everything.

Because we're not in that conscious space of holding that. So that's why boundaries are really important for, if you're looking to get relief from premenstrual rage, premenstrual mood swings, PMS in general, PMDD. Really looking at where You know, your boundaries aren't as strong as they could be. And remember that boundaries aren't, boundaries aren't about what other people do.

They are about what you are going to do. Boundaries are about an action within you, whether it's a boundary because you're uncomfortable with how someone's treating you. Like, that is, you know, um, that's where that boundary comes in, of like, this is what I'm gonna do if this doesn't stop. It's not about, I need you to stop that, it's this is what I'm gonna do if.

They don't stop if you don't stop doing this behavior that is hurting me. But the other way is like, you know, asking for space saying like, no, this is what I, I, I'm, I am going to take myself off now. And I need you, you know, I need you to respect that. And of course, if people are having a hard time respecting your boundaries, that's a whole other conversation, right, which we're not going to get into today.

But yeah, there's definitely nuance to it. But ultimately, it's all about self leadership. It's coming down to this, like, Holding yourself accountable for having those boundaries, but that can be really hard when we either have trauma around it, or we're just, I don't know, I mean, I don't think we're particularly in I mean, we're certainly not taught it in school, are we?

Like, about communicating our boundaries, and actually what boundaries are, and honoring ourselves, and, and all of that. So, even if you don't have trauma around it, like, I think the way that we are all socialized, like, of all genders, we're all socialized to not necessarily have strong boundaries, but also not respect other people's boundaries.

So, there's um, you know, there's a wider context to this. And, I think sometimes the way people go about, Boundaries is, it can be very, it can be very cognitive, or I have certainly found in my experience when I first tried to do this boundary work, it was like, no, this is how I should feel and this is what, and, and, oh no, I should be okay with that, and so that should be a yes, or.

It was very, like, in my head and not in my body. It wasn't, and this is where the embodied boundaries bit comes in, and why it's so important that these boundaries are embodied for PMS, because our mind can kind of trick us into thinking, you know, we can, we can have these parts that come up that go, no, no, no, that's fine, that's fine, we can do that, we can, we can, like, comfort that person, when actually we don't have any fucking space for anybody else right now, um, you know, because we're like, oh god, if I don't, then I'm a bad person, and all of this and all of that self worth comes in.

And So, it's really easy when we approach boundaries from this like, intellectual cognitive space, that we, we can kind of trick ourselves into thinking that it's a yes, when actually it's probably a no. Um, and vice versa, we can also kind of like, sabotage ourselves from accepting things. Because of fear or whatever.

And that's also a boundary, right? It's like, what you choose to accept in is also a boundary. Versus what you choose, you know, what you accept. What you don't accept. What am I trying to say? Like, yeah, what you don't accept in. If that makes sense. Um, so it's about yes and no. You know, it's not just about your nose.

So Because it's easy to kind of Trick yourself or convince yourself when you approach it very intellectually. It's really important that these boundaries are embodied and that you actually come into a relationship with your body and what your yes, no and maybe feels like in your body, so that you can recognize that.

So that you can recognize that in the moment and go, Okay, I'm getting that like, balloon pressure feeling in my chest and I know that means that I'm uncomfortable with it. I know that that means that this, this conversation is a no for me right now. And you can practice this like in really little ways.

Um, like with. Tuning in to what you want to eat for dinner, you know, stuff like that. It doesn't have to be these like huge relational boundaries, you know, it can start small. And this is an exercise that I am going to be doing with people on the 7 week PMS relief course. So this is for, just a little shameless plug, but this is for anyone who's wanting to really feel like they can navigate their luteal and premenstrual phase with confidence and just like know that they can handle anything that comes up and they have the tools to, yeah, be able to navigate it but also delve into the deeper kind of, deeper aspects underneath that are driving the, the premenstrual symptoms so they can kind of start to get lasting relief rather than just managing the symptoms.

Um, and on week I believe it's week six? No, week five. Week five, we are going to be doing an embodied boundaries practice where I guide you through,  an exercise to feel into what your yes no maybe looks like in your body and what it feels like. , and then the other aspect of this is also. Assessing what our relationship to our yes no and maybe is like so I'm going to dive into that in a second, but if you are Intrigued PMS relief program.

I will pop a link in the show notes   we begin on the 17th of March, so from the time of recording you have about three weeks to, check it out and see if it's good fit.   I would love to have you in there but yeah, so the other element of Tuning into like what your yes, no, maybe feel like in your body and during this exercise we kind of go through it once and we're like, okay, that's kind of what it feels like but then it's also assessing how it feels to assert your yes, no, maybe so What's really interesting is, often, I mean this can, this can turn out in so many different ways depending on the person, but like noticing where there's resistance to a certain one.

So like, I did this with a one to one client actually, and she found that when she did her no, she felt really, um, she kind of got a bit giddy. Like, she was like, oh, it feels uncomfortable, but also like it kind of feels really powerful, and this feels really good. She's like, fuck yeah, this feels great.

But also like, there was like an edge with it, right, because she wasn't used to it, and she was like, ooh, okay, this is kind of, um, this feels kind of scary or a bit edgy or a bit like, ooh. And that's often when Like people laugh at these exercises. It's often that tension coming out And there's like some level of discomfort that's trying to be released through the giggles and laughter You know, it's like when we all talk about sex like when we're a teenager and we're all like a little bit uncomfortable It's that tension being released.

But then the other interesting thing that can sometimes happen is that actually We're not so familiar with our yes and our maybe, especially our maybe, our maybe can feel really unsure because I think when we think about boundaries is it can be this like yes or no, it has to be like on one side, it's a very binary thing, and actually it's not, like you're allowed to, it's allowed to be a maybe, it's allowed to be, okay a maybe, like I'm curious, like maybe I want that, you know, and then you're allowed to change your mind, you're allowed to change your mind and go, do you know what, actually this has turned into a no now, Or this has turned into a yes now, you know, So, yeah, just like, exploring that relationship can be really interesting and it can reveal all sorts of things about how we relate to The power of our no, and whether we feel comfortable with that, but also the power of our yes and our maybe, and are we able, you know, are we familiar with that place where we're kind of curious, we're not sure if it's a yes or a no, and we're, you know, do we feel safe enough and trust ourselves enough to play in that area?

And then also with the yes, are we familiar with accepting that and going yeah and softening into that yes and going this is safe This is what I want. That's a yes because that's the other way the PMS can come up Right is if we're not saying yes to the things that we want to say yes to this isn't always about like oh You're like letting people overstep your boundaries and you need to say no more like yes The power of no is huge, but it can also be That you're not saying yes to enough of the stuff that really lights you up, and really is in alignment with who you are, and, you know, maybe there are,  parts kind of stopping you from doing that out of fear, or whatever, there's so many different ways this can show up.

, or maybe you're not allowing yourself to like, play in that maybe, and actually maybe there's a part of you that wants more of that curiosity, and wants more of that playfulness, and that's where that, inner spring energy really comes in, right, is that playfulness and curiosity. So if that's not there in spring, then maybe that could be contributing to the premenstrual symptoms.

So you can see that there's so much nuance to this and it's a really beautiful exercise to dive into. I mean, yes, of course, in the context of premenstrual. Relief and trying to get relief from those symptoms because it really, I feel like these, this exercise really helps people have like a What's the word?

Like a compass, like it kind of helps them tune into their body as a compass with Okay, where am I out of alignment and is it too much? Yes, or is it too much? No, or is it like in that space in between? So it can really help people start to tune into that and ultimately that is what your premenstrual phase is all about is tuning into What is a fuck yes, and what is a fuck no and everything in between Basically, it's helping you guiding you into that space of okay.

This is what my truth is. This is what is true for me Okay, so that is it for this episode And I just want to drop another invitation if you have really resonated with this or you found this interesting, you might be interested in the seven week PMS relief course, and I would love to see you in there. 

It's going to be super experiential, we're not doing this whole learning, this is not like an educational course, like this is going to be really deeply experiential, so. In each of the live group calls each week we're going to be moving through an exercise such as the embodied boundaries exercise to really dive into this stuff and dive into what is alive within you not just in this like theoretical hypothetical kind of space And for this round, I am keeping it to a small group.

So there'll be heaps and heaps of time to kind of process, um, on the live calls and in the community chat. And there is also an option to upgrade to have some one to one sessions as well, if you feel like that would be beneficial. But yeah, check it out. We begin on the 17th of March, so from the time of recording you have about three weeks link will be in the show notes and I would love to have you in there if you feel like it's a good fit.

All right, my loves. I will see you in the next episode.