18. Using Premenstrual Rage And Anger As A Compass

In this episode I delve into how to use anger as a compass, particularly for women experiencing intense premenstrual rage. 

I discuss how re-framing our relationship with anger can transform it into a powerful guiding tool, rather than something destructive. I also highlight the societal demonization of women's anger and the importance of acknowledging and revering this emotion. 

Through personal anecdotes and reflections, I explore how anger can signal unmet needs and boundary issues, as well as serve as a marker for deeper emotions.

00:05 Understanding Anger as a Compass

00:42 Social Aspects of Women's Anger

03:12 Healing PMS Through Anger Management

04:09 PMS Relief Programme Introduction

05:39 Using Anger to Set Boundaries

06:12 Personal Example: Boundaries and Anger

13:15 Anger as a Marker for Deeper Emotions

14:54 Rage Alchemy and Healing

20:02 Conclusion and Invitation to PMS Relief Program

*Join the PMS Relief Program here! We begin March 17th*

*Get the FREE Premenstrual Survival Pack Here*
*Book a Premenstrual Processing Session Here*

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Website: www.letmebleedinpeace.com

Email: claire@letmebleedinpeace.com

Instagram: @letmebleedinpeace

Transcript

 Hello and welcome to the Loving in Luteal podcast and I'm your host Claire. Today I want to talk about using anger as a compass and I think this is so so important in general but particularly for women who really experience that quite strong or extreme premenstrual rage and really feel at the mercy of it.
 Because When we can kind of shift our relationship with the anger, it can become a really, really powerful tool,  for  guiding us through life, telling us what is in alignment and what is not in alignment in our lives. So it can really act as that compass, but we have to come into a very particular kind of relationship to it.
So I'm going to be talking a little bit about what anger might be revealing and how you can kind of shift your relationship with it so that it can kind of become a creative ally rather than something that just feels totally fucking soul destroying every month when it comes around and I want to put a little Not so much a caveat, but I just want to kind of like acknowledge the social aspects around this that if you've been socialized as a woman Anger is, probably to you, seen as a very, very negative emotion.
I think this is widely there in culture anyway, but women's anger and people who have been socialized as women, their anger is a lot more demonized in society. You know, there's, and I did a previous episode about the whole trope of the angry woman and the mad woman and, How there's kind of like a bit of a trope with that when it comes to women's anger.
So go back and listen to that episode. Um, if you enjoy this one, it will pair quite nicely. But today's episode we're just going to be really focusing on like kind of I guess how we can undo a lot of that and I think I guess what i'm trying to get at here is that this isn't just work on You know, on this kind of, like, personal level, there's a more systemic, wider thing going on here around how we navigate anger and how we view anger, and I think when we can bring anger out of the shadows and, you know, really give it some reverence and acknowledgement, it becomes much less destructive.
Anger is destructive in that kind of toxic way, when it's suppressed, when it is ignored, when it's demonized, when we don't listen to it. , but anger can be Yes, possibly. Destructive isn't quite the right word, but I'm gonna stay with the destructive word, like, it can be destructive but in a really positive way, right?
Like, sometimes things do need to be broken down. Sometimes things do need to be destroyed.  And you see that, um, the thing that comes to my mind is, like, the goddess archetype of Kali, and how she is, like, the destroyer. But actually that's totally necessary and it's got this there's a reverence to it.
So I guess that's the kind of shift that I want to make And kind of introduce you to in this podcast episode is  moving your relationship with anger from a place of fear and shame into a place of like reverence. I think, really think that reverence word is, is key. And this has been a game changer in how I navigate my premenstrual phase, but also how much the symptoms, I guess how strong the symptoms are but also how I perceive the symptoms so I don't, I guess when you can kind of shift that premenstrual rage you can come into a relationship with it and you feel more empowered by it rather than disempowered because I think when we don't have that there, you know, and I really want to acknowledge like when that comes up it feels really disempowering, we feel really out of control, it doesn't feel good, it doesn't feel good and so I think a huge part about healing PMS or PMDD or however, you know, however you kind of relate to those terms.
A huge part of quote unquote healing it is actually shifting our relationship to what we experience in that moment and in doing that the symptoms reduce, right, the intensity of the anger reduces. 
And that being said, I just want to drop a little shameless plug that this is kind of the core thread of what we'll be doing in the PMS Relief Programme. That we are starting on the 17th of March, so at the time of recording you've got two weeks to join.  We're really going to be diving into our relationship with our premenstrual rage and reclaiming it as something that can be a really powerful creative ally and not something that we need to feel at the mercy of.
, we're going to be doing practices like embodied boundaries, sacred rage, oh my goodness, I can never say this, I don't know why I called it this, sacred rage alchemy, it's such a mouthful, um, you know, all of these practices do really Come into a more empowered relationship with your premenstrual rage and mood swings and any other symptoms that can come up so that you can start to Reduce those symptoms so that you can start to reduce the suffering that you experience in your premenstrual phase And start to dive into the kind of the deeper layers and it's really going to be super experiential.
This is not like a Educational learning course. This is, we are diving in on group calls into actual practices so that you can really embody it and really experience it for yourself because I think everybody is so unique in this. So I will put the link in the show notes if that is of interest and if you want to check that out so you can go and check that out and if you are listening to this after the 17th of March, do not worry.
I will be doing another round of this.  So be sure to go and jump on the waitlist if that is something that you think would be a good fit for you. So for the rest of this episode, I want to talk about kind of two examples, I guess, of where Anger can be this really powerful compass that we can kind of use it as a compass in our lives in leading a more aligned life and really becoming who we want to be and having the life that we want.
And there's two kind of themes I guess I want to jump into. So the first one is boundaries and the second one is like it can be a marker of deeper emotions underneath the surface. So the first one I want to talk about is boundaries. So, I'm going to use an example for this. It's a personal example. And it was just so powerful to see this in action. So, there was a time when I I was feeling super overwhelmed, I was feeling really irritable, and whenever my partner would seek connection, I would be like, yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
People pleasing. I would want that connection with him. And then when it would come to him telling me about how his day's been, or how his week's been, or what's on his mind, or what is, um, present for him in his life right now, I would just like, be so fucking irritable, like, and Eventually it got to this place where I would notice that there was this visceral anger at him just simply requesting , to have some quality time.
And this was obviously in my pre menstrual phase and I really You know, first thing was communicating that with him, going, Do you know what? I'm actually noticing this is coming up for me right now. And I just, I need to sit with this because I need to, I need to really see what was going on right, what was going on in that moment.
And I couldn't do that if I was pushing myself to Yeah, be there for him, pushing myself to be like, well, I should want to hear about how he feels. So that's what I'm gonna force myself to do, and there's always, there's so many shoulds, I think, when this irritability or anger starts to build, and this is something that's really key, is it'll start to simmer, but we'll kind of push it down.
We'll go, no, this is what I should do, and we'll follow the shoulds until it gets to a point where the anger is like, it bubbles over. And it bursts out, and we go, oh man, that went from 0 to 100, but it didn't, because you've been ignoring that and you've been shunning yourself, you've not been honoring your boundaries.
And this is the perfect example of where The irritability and the anger and rage can be around, about boundaries, or about your needs and what you actually need. So, what was happening in this situation was I was shoulding myself so much and going, Oh man, I, I, like, I feel like a bad person if I say no, and like, I don't wanna, I don't wanna, I don't wanna be nice and I love this guy and he's great and he's done nothing wrong, so, yeah, and he's been really there for me recently, so, yeah, I do wanna listen.
But then, it was like I physically couldn't, there was a part coming up for me that was really angry and irritable, and I just could not sit with that conversation with him. And so as I sat with it, I noticed that I was so overwhelmed. And I was just like, wow. I actually really need some me time. It has been a really hectic month.
It has been, you know, I've had so much going on, I've had so much to hold, and actually, I don't have space to hear about my partner's day, or my partner's month, or whatever is there. And actually, I barely feel like I've had any space for me. And so, especially in our premenstrual phase, because we are processing the whole month, we're really, it's that, we're being asked to come into a deeper intimacy with ourselves.
So, me going, Oh, I don't have time for myself, but I have time for this, for my partner. That was me not honouring, that actually that premenstrual phase is calling me into a deeper intimacy with myself first, myself first. And that can be really uncomfortable, that can feel really uncomfortable. As a recovering people pleaser, I'm sure if you are a recovering people pleaser you can relate to this.
It is so uncomfortable to actually put ourselves, our needs first. And then reinforce those boundaries, right? That when we've said, no, I need some time, and then someone asks something of us, going, actually, no, I said I needed some time, I'll get to you, like, I, I want to, but right now, in order for me to be able to be there for you, I need to take time for me.
So that's just a really beautiful, I guess, example of where I was not honouring my own boundaries. I was not honouring my own limits. It was not at all on my partner. That was on me. I hadn't honoured those boundaries within myself and then I hadn't requested them and then when I did request them, I didn't actually execute them.
I asked for the space and then I didn't take it because I was like, oh well, you know, I need to be good and I need, I love this person and I should and if I was nice and if I love this person, that's what I would do. All of these stories that start going around in our head and we end up in this like battle within ourselves, right?
And I know for a fact if I had not caught that and if it had been, you know, a year, two years ago, three years ago, however long ago, I wouldn't have caught that and then that would have bubbled and bubbled and bubbled until at some point my partner would have said something to me and I would have lost my shit.
I would have blown up. I would have got really angry and then be like, where the fuck is this coming from? So, That's the skill, is noticing, so this is, this is where, you know, that anger is that compass for me. It was that compass of going, no, actually, I really need to give myself some TLC right now. I am burnt out.
I am exhausted. I am overwhelmed. I really need some space. And this isn't just exclusive to the premenstrual phase. Of course, that, because of that role of the truth serum in our premenstrual phase and really getting honest with ourselves and coming into a deeper intimacy with ourselves, it's more likely to come up in our premenstrual phase.
But this might come up. At any other point, I've had this come up when I have not been able to rest as much on my bleed, and then I've not really had the energy in spring, but then life's been coming at me, and I'm like, oh Jesus, and then I get into my summer, and I'm actually just kind of burnt out by the time I hit summer, because I haven't had the rest I need.
I haven't been able to, like, go gently and playfully and curiously in my spring. Hit summer, and I'm like, oh my god, I'm so exhausted. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm so exhausted. And I'm like, oh my god, I'm so exhausted. As an ADHD er, like, then all the hyperactivity hits, but then I'm too tired to, like, do anything with it, and it just is, is Can be really chaotic and then that irritability comes up and then that anger can come up as a defense and as a like a cue as a compass To hey, you are not taking enough time for yourself you need to slow down right now and that can start to appear in the cycle before and then you hit the premenstrual phase and Then it's like you have no choice but to listen.
That's the difference, right? So that's the first way anger can be our compass. It can really show us where Our boundaries are, both with if other people have mistreated us and we're not comfortable with it, but also in the sense of, are we reinforcing those boundaries? Are we meeting our own needs? Are we, you know, communicating those needs and then taking them and making sure they are met?
Because that is on us. Yeah, and are we letting people treat us in ways that we don't want to be treated? Are we setting those boundaries? That's a really powerful question to get really honest with yourself, and it can be uncomfortable. But sometimes the most powerful things are the most uncomfortable.
So that's the first ways anger can be a compass's boundaries. The second way is it can be a marker for deeper emotions and deeper wounds that might be coming up. So often, I'd love to hear if you do really relate to this, but when I realized this, this was such a powerful like, aha moment for me, was that I find it A lot easier, sometimes, on certain topics to feel angry than hurt, and I think a lot of people do.
This is really common, like, as humans, anger is much more comfortable. Like, if you've ever gone through a breakup, like, it's way more fun being angry at them than it is sobbing, like, snot coming out your nose and just, like, sobbing your eyes out, right? Like, that's not fun. Being angry. Feels kind of powerful.
So what can happen on this subconscious level, is it's easier to feel anger about something. And this is not to say that, like, anger is always It's, you know, about, like, actually there's something, like, sometimes we're just angry and that is okay. Like anger is still a totally valid emotion. I'm not saying that it's always this, um, other thing that's underneath and there's there's other layers.
Not always. Absolutely. And I totally, um, I really want to acknowledge that. And there are often times where it's easier to feel angry than hurt. It's easier to feel angry than shame. Shame is a massive one that triggers a rate that triggers rage. And anger is when we go, oh fuck, I don't like how I've acted, but if I get angry then I don't have to feel that because shame is just like, oh, it's such an icky.
uncomfortable emotion, right, to hold. So, yeah, anger can really be this marker that actually there's some deeper work to do. There's some, there's something else going on underneath the surface. And this is where rage alchemy comes in. So this is, again, this is something that we're doing in the PMS relief program.
We're going to have a whole session on it and I'll guide you through an exercise, but basically where. Rage alchemy can kind of go two ways. Like, firstly, we just have the rage and it just needs alchemizing. It just needs shifting in our bodies. We just have to like move with it and work with the part that is angry and, and just allow that to be expressed in safe and healthy ways.
My favorite method is movement or, um, Sometimes I'll, I'll paint or, but it's quite nice to do these in like, in, in like a non intellectualizing way. It's kind of nice to do it in a really embodied way. So, sometimes journaling doesn't always, work in getting me out of my head.  So. That's the first way rage alchemy can go, is yeah, this kind of, actually it just needs to move and it just needs to be expressed.
But then what can sometimes happen afterwards is as that anger is being expressed and moved and we're moving with it and we're being with it in a compassionate way, we notice a thread of something else. We, we notice, ah, there's something else here, there's shame, there's hurt, there's grief, you know? And we, and then it brings us into that deeper layer and reveals other parts of us that are calling for attention, that are calling for compassion and love and healing, integration, how, whatever you wanna, wanna call, whatever word you use.
I know some people don't like the word healing because it implies it's broken, but healing, integration, whichever you use, they're calling for that. And that's where this rage alchemy practice really comes in. So, that is the second way that anger can really be used as a compass, not just in our lives in terms of how we're building our lives, but in our healing journey.
It can really be a marker of like, you know, and I think like, even thinking about it in more mundane circumstances, like when We're out and about, and someone does something, and it like, really fucks us off, and it might not make sense. It might not make sense at all. You're like, Jesus, I am having like, a really strong reaction to this.
Like, I do not feel that I should be so pissed off about this. Um. A really cool, an example that I'll, I'll use is I was um, I was on a walk at my local nature reserve and the tree surgeons were there and they were trimming, they were pruning some trees, um, and I thought they were taking too much off. Now I'm not a tree surgeon, I don't fucking know what I'm talking about, but I just felt this Anger and I was like, oh, this is really again, this was in my premenstrual phase.
It was like this righteous anger and for me That was a compass of two things. Okay, there was a compass of going Okay, I really like really am pissed about the Lack of care for the environment right now That was something that was really alive for me in that time and like seeing a lot of political stuff going on and all of that, that was really alive and that was being projected into that moment.
The other thing was it, it signaled to me a projection. I was projecting my own fragility onto nature. Those trees are fine. Those trees were big trees. They're gonna be fine, but I was dealing with some stuff that was leaving me feeling like Unprotected and fragile and I was working through those with those parts that were feeling that way and that was being projected onto that So this do you see how there's this?
Way of when we can go. Oh, I feel really angry about that and instead of going, you know Oh, I shouldn't feel angry or trying to make ourselves not feel angry by actually being with the anger and Sitting with it and going. Oh, that's interesting Let me get curious about that for a minute. When we do that, it reveals this like, whole different perspective and whole different internal world of like, oh wow, I had no idea that was there, you know, and it can really point us to Yeah, these, these shadows, or these unconscious aspects, or these things that might feel uncomfortable, that we're not really acknowledging.
And that's the beauty of the premenstrual phase, is that, I mean this is the beauty of anger in general, but the beauty of the premenstrual phase is that that is undeniable. I read, I can't remember where I read it. Where did I read it? I can't remember but I'm sure I saw someone once say that without our premenstrual phase, like our premenstrual phase is kind of holding us accountable for who we are and without our premenstrual phase we would all end up like Donald Trump.
Which obviously there's some nuance in that, there's, there's more complicated, but it's like, it kind of prevents us ending up like Donald Trump because we're, we're humbled. We are humbled in our premature phase and we're, you know, the mirror is held up to us and we're like, oh, okay, maybe I'm not holding myself to my standards or, you know, these things need addressing and that kind of thing.
So when we can really work with that, it can be a really, really beautiful tool for us stepping into who we really are and what we really want and owning that. Like, owning the shit out of that. Okay, so that's it for this episode, I think. I'm gonna leave it there. If you have really resonated with this episode and you are really curious about this practice of rage alchemy and that kind of thing, I just want to invite you to join us in the PMS Relief Program.
 I'll put the link in the show notes. But this is for you if you really want to stop feeling at. The mercy of your premenstrual rage and mood swings. And you really want to start taking ownership of that and coming into a collaborative, creative relationship with that where it doesn't, you don't dread your premenstrual phase every month.
You feel prepared. You go into it and you're like, I got this. I have the tools. I have the knowledge. I can execute this. I know how to do this. I know how to do this. You want to walk into your Luteal phase feeling like a badass. That is what I want for you after this program. Hahaha. Alright, let's leave it there my loves.
I will see you in the next episode.