Befriending The Monster In The Shadows - How to handle your Inner Critic

In this episode, we dive deep into one of the most misunderstood and frustrating parts of our inner world: the inner critic.

You know the voice - that one that whispers (or shouts) that you’re not good enough, that you’ve messed everything up, that you’ll never be “enough.” Whether it’s triggered by your cycle, relationships, creativity, or just... life, the critic can feel like a monster lurking in the shadows.

But what if that monster wasn’t here to ruin you... but to protect and guide you?

In this episode, I talk about how to transform your relationship with your inner critic - from one of fear and frustration to one of collaboration, curiosity, and yes, even compassion.

We cover:

• Why your inner critic exists (and why it isn’t your enemy)
• The 1% truth hidden in the critic’s harshest words
• Why the premenstrual phase (inner autumn) is the critic’s natural home
• What menstrual cycle awareness can teach us about managing the critic
• How to track your critic’s patterns and identify your personal triggers
• Setting boundaries with the critic without pushing it away
• Real-life examples from my own experience with PMDD and perfectionism
• How to build more spaciousness and self-trust - even when the critic feels all-consuming
• When it’s time to seek deeper support (and why Internal Family Systems therapy can help)

Whether your critic shows up as a whisper or a scream, this episode will help you start building a different kind of relationship with it - one rooted in awareness, honesty, and gentleness.

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Website: www.letmebleedinpeace.com

Email: claire@letmebleedinpeace.com

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Transcript

In today's episode, I am gonna be diving into a topic that I've covered in pieces on the podcast before, but I really wanted to spend the whole. Episode. Just, yeah, going deeper into it because it's such a rich topic and there's so much to cover about it, and I mean this, there's enough in this for there to be an entire workshop. I've run workshops on this topic before and only scratch the surface, so we'll see where it, where it goes today. But the topic for today is the inner critic and how to navigate the inner critic and. I'm coming to you on day 26 of my cycle. Today I am about two days out from my bleed, three days out from my bleed, probably actually. And I actually was inspired to record this by noting the distinct lack of my critic at the moment. Um, or not the lack of it, but the gentleness that it has. Now, I mean, gentle I suppose is relative, but compared to how it used to be, because I think when you suffer with PMDD and you experience those symptoms, when you don't have the tools to navigate that and you don't have the tools to meet your critic, it's like it can be really, really savage. Um, and I was actually painting this morning, I was doing this beautiful coastline in Devon and. I noticed my critic pop up of like, oh, this is crap. It doesn't look how I want it to dah, dah, dah. And it just kind of got me thinking about how much it used to just be so pervasive in and not even pervasive. 'cause I mean, honestly, my, I found my critic popped up a pops up a lot in winter and spring. It might in the winter, it might inner spring. Um, but. Of course in inner autumn, it just gets so much louder, and especially if you experience PMDD, it's so much louder and it can be really quiet. Um, aggressive, I guess. Um, and also it's worth saying that we all, we often have, we have multiple critics, so the inner critic in our quotes is. Just a marker of like a type of part, I guess, um, a part of our system. And there are often multiple parts that fall under that category of inner critics. So it's just worth bearing that in mind as you listen to this. So first, let's talk about the role of the inner critic because this is so misunderstood, I think often. The way it's talked about in mindset work and even in psychology and like CBT and stuff like that, it really misunderstands the critic, um, because your inner critic is actually a really important part of your system or your, your critics really important part of your system and they're really trying to protect you and give you information and. There's so much richness, richness to this. So the simplest way they're trying to protect you is they're just, they're trying to get you to not do something right? Like, no, you look stupid, or, no, that's rubbish. You can't, you can't tell people about that. Or, no, you can't say that. Or, you know, this kind of like censoring or filtering of like. What you do and don't do and what you attempt and what you don't attempt, and it's trying to protect. Often they're trying to protect us from failure, right? Or even success. That can be a thing as well. Um, but also our critic can really act as like a compass. You know? I mean, in previous episodes I've said our anger can act as a compass. Um, our inner critic can as well. We, it can highlight places where. We have an edge to grow into. So if there's the critics there, there's often fear there. There's often like a, a pushing and expanding of our comfort zone. That tends to be where the critic comes up, right? Um, and that can be really useful information. 'cause actually can be a guide. You can kind of go, oh, okay, this actually feels really edgy for me. And actually that's where that growth can happen again, obviously staying within that safety zone. But regardless of how, I guess maladaptive, 'cause obviously there are situations where your critic is super helpful and, and you're like, oh yeah, I can see the gold miss. And there are other times where it's just like absolutely beating you up and berating you and it's just horrific. And you're just like, you might be sat here listening to us and you're like, what the fuck is she talking about? Like, my does not, this is not helpful. Like it's, it's horrendous. And again, it's just doing a job of trying to protect you, and it's so important to not villainize that because at some point in time this part has formed to protect you from something that was a genuine threat. Right. Whether that's to your emotional wellbeing, your mental wellbeing, your physical wellbeing, anything like that, like social wellbeing as well, like social exclusion. The critics often, um, our critic is often revolved around trying to make sure that we fit in and we have that societal social inclusion, um, because that's been, you know, so is so essential for our survival. Um, but particularly in that kind of, you know, the limbic brain and, um. When you think back to how we used to live, like actually we had to, we, you know, we had to live in tribes and that was really important to be part of the tribe. Um, and the thing is, even when our critic is being loud and hy and so, so, mm, how do we put it can feel like it's so harmful or is so harmful. There's often a 1% truth in it, and now I'm gonna come onto what that 1% truth can be, because that doesn't, it's not always as direct as like your critic is saying you're a shitty person and there's like a 1% truth that you're a shitty person. That's not what I mean, and I'll come onto that in a moment. But the critic has this really important role, and actually if we didn't have a critic. Like no critic whatsoever, which we just become grandiose narcissists, right? Like, you know, just, it wouldn't, it keeps us accountable to who we are. And the key thing is that when you start to work with it, it starts to be like a collaborative, creative relationship rather than, oh my God, my critic is beating me up. And this is absolutely horrific. Um, it gets to be. A part of you that you set boundaries with, that you collaborate with, that you can, you know, perhaps invite it into a slightly different role, um, by showing it that you are listening, you know? And so this leads me onto how to navigate your critic in your premenstrual phase. So your critic is so, so loud often for many of us in our premenstrual phase. Because it's the natural home of the critic, uh, in a autumn, as I've said in previous episodes, is all about the truth and bringing the shadow into the light and showing us, you know, the shit that we maybe don't want to see. And so of course the critic, if that is holding a 1% truth, if it is highlighting something to us where we are, perhaps not in alignment with ourselves or you know, there is some healing to do, perhaps that is a truth like that is, that's highlighting that to us. Right. Um, I'll use an example. So like actually really. Good example of a truth is so, and, and this is kind of outside the context of PMDD, but it's a more kind of gentle context, um, to show you how it can become. So I. This morning I'm painting, right? And like I said, and I noticed my critic come up and he's like, oh, it's not quite as good and duh. And oh, I wish I hadn't, you know, I took, made a brushstroke and I was like, oh, that's shit. And that's ruined the painting. And it's how it's like very like, oh my God, it's ruined the painting. And it, it was like one brushstroke. It was fine. But that's feedback for me on two levels. So this has given me information and like by being with my critic, I know one. Maybe I would make a different artistic choice there right next time. Like maybe I wouldn't make that brushstroke. Maybe I wouldn't do that. And two, it's actually showing me that I am a bit of a perfectionist. And that is something to look at, right? It's, it's going, oh well, that's just shit. And it's like, oh my love. You are really scared that like this painting isn't gonna be. A fricking Picasso. Oh wow, that's so interesting. And you can kind of turn towards it instead of turning away from it. And again, I'm gonna get into, into this a little bit more, but So in that premenstrual phase, yeah, I digress. The premenstrual phase is the natural home of the inner critic. Right. So that's why it can get so, so, so much louder. And there is some work. As well when the inner critic is showing up in other places. In your cycle to kind of redirecting the critic to the home of, uh, to its natural home in, in autumn. Because the other thing is when you can do that, you can create this buffer by practicing menstrual cycle awareness. You get deep rest in, in a winter, you get the playfulness in spring, and then you get to like celebrate yourself and be witnessed in, in the summer so that then when you come to inner winter, you have this like buffer to be able to. Meet the inner critic and go, okay, I can hear you, but like not take this as gospel, not take this as 100% truth, even though I know that there's a 1% truth and there's somewhere, I'm not gonna take this at face value. I'm not gonna like take it personally in air quotes. Right? So again, I'm digressing into like drumming head a little bit of myself into like how to navigate it, but. It's just important. So it's, it's so important to notice where our critic is strongest in the context of our cycle and knowing that the inner, inner autumn is the natural home of the critic. So if you do. Struggle with that phase a little bit more and you find it more challenging. You have PMS and PMDD. Working with the inner critic is something that is really, really important to kind of, um, wrap your head around. I guess, and this is probably a good point at which to say that like there's a lot, there's a lot of stuff. I kind of alluded to it earlier, but like around ignoring your critic or like positive affirmation over the top of it and it just, I mean, I dunno if you've ever tried it, but it just doesn't work. Um, it's like, yeah, I know I'm not a piece of shit, but there's a voice in my head that like, will not stop telling me that. And it's really hard to like just positive affirmation your way out of that, or CBT your way out of that. And I think this is where there needs to be a two-prong approach. So there's the like. B yourself up in those other seasons of your menstrual cycle and going like, yes, I am. You know, I've got this. And having that buffer, that like reserve that you can draw on, right? But then also doing the deeper work of working with your critic and turning towards it and going, okay, I see you for the scared. Part of me that you are, you're scared of rejection, you're scared of being shamed, you're scared of being outcast, you are scared of failure. You know, all of these, there's often like a lot of fear around the critic. There's often fear driving the critic and seeing it in that light rather than going, oh fuck this part, you know, villainizing it again. Um. Yeah, so when we think about working with the critic, I've kind of already alluded to this, like seeing it in the context of the menstrual cycle, right? And I think it can be really worthwhile, specifically if you, if you really struggle with your inner critic, specifically tracking on what day, what days it shows up, and what you, when you notice you have a, um. You could call it like an inner critic attack, right? When you're having a critic attack and you're like, oh, okay, that's what that is. And remember, it doesn't always show up as this kind of like, um, kind of having a go at yourself or like this, like angry voice inside your head. It can just be like, oh, well I can't really be bothered to do that because like it'll be shit anyway. And you know, it can kind of have like a different tone to it. So. Noting down what days in your cycle the critic shows up and how it's showing up. Right. How it's, how it's, um, what's its tone, what's the voice like? Like how does your body feel with it? And yeah. So I've talked a little bit about that, but I'm gonna go into some. It kind of points to really talk about how to like really specifically work with the critic. I'm not gonna focus so much on the like menstrual cycle awareness side of it in terms of working with the other phases of the cycle. 'cause there are previous episodes on that. But yeah, let's dive into some. Kind of, I guess tools and like thoughts and mindset shifts to really help you build a relationship with your critics so that you can be the one in charge of that relationship and driving the dynamic rather than just kind of feeling like you're getting beaten up by it all the time. So the first one is to know your triggers. This is so, so valuable. So whether this is a specific day of your cycle. So for me at the moment, I notice that I can have a little bit of a critic attack around day six of my cycle. So just as I'm coming out of my winter and into my spring, I notice that there is a bit of a critic telling me to rush and telling me, oh, you gotta go. You gotta go and get everything done now. And so I know that day six is a bit of a trigger for me. I know that there's something that happens at day six where my critic is gonna show up, so I'm prepared on that day as much as I can. Obviously, sometimes life gets in the way, but I'm prepared to go, okay, I'm gonna spend a little bit of extra time being with the critic. I'm gonna like really just be quite conscious and aware of my thoughts and where that's going, and just kind of keep an eye on it. You can even mark it in your calendar, right? But then in terms of knowing your triggers, I also mean, you know, in general, day-to-day life. So in the past, I and still to some extent, have struggled. When I receive feedback in my relationship, that kind of challenges my. View of myself. So if you believe that you are, you know, I'm, you have this, not that you believe that you're a nice person, that's not what I mean. But if you have this like very strong ident identity of like being a kind person and someone tells you you've done something, not very kind. The critic can pop up with this shame and this, oh my God. And, but for me, when that has turned up in the past, it doesn't come out as like, oh my God, I'm so disappointed in myself and I feel so ashamed it comes out as defensiveness. So, you know, knowing your triggers in terms of, okay, I know that if my partner brings something up like that, that might trigger a critic attack and I might just need to take a little look at that. Or, you know, maybe doing something new. So like some days if I, um. Speaking on a topic that feels a little bit edgy for me with my, um, on my podcast or whatever. That's, I, I am, I'm looking out for my critic. I'm going, okay, you might show up and that's okay. And just being prepared to be with that and notice that a little bit more, being a little bit on it with kind of noticing it first thing in the morning, that can be another time. So it's like these triggers are kind of things that happen and also times. First thing in the morning is, I can't remember who it was, but someone once said to me, yeah, the critic rises before you do. It's very true. So there can be these like liminal times where, or you know, right after you've just done something really vulnerable, you know, or right after you've just given a talk or you've just shared something really vulnerable with a friend. That's a really vulnerable space for the critic to kind of pop up. So being aware of that and then also, yeah, things that you do, so like maybe you're pushing the boat out with like you're trying something new. You know, maybe you're one of the people that when you try something new, your critic pops up. Maybe it's in the context of relationships, maybe it's just simply knowing, right. I'm in my inner autumn and my critic gets a little bit angry with me right now. You know, so there are, there are. Ways that you can track this and then you know, you can start to look at it and go, okay, I know what this is. And I just think like knowing what it is and being able to get that separation from the critic part rather than it just consuming you. Just creating that space and focusing on that, increasing the space so we're not focusing on getting rid of the critic, we're just focusing on increasing the space between us and the critic or us and the thoughts or us and the emotion what, however you wanna, you know, conceptualize it. That is so, so powerful for just relieving some of the suffering. It doesn't get rid of the critic, it doesn't get rid of the thoughts, but it means that we're no longer suffering at the hands of them. And then the next one is setting boundaries with the critic. And when it isn't, isn't allowed to. Be seen, have a voice where it's not allowed to kind of be at play. And there's some nuance to this because like we were just saying about the timings of things and where it is and isn't allowed to show up, and especially in the context of menstrual cycle awareness there, you know, with with the inner autumn being the natural home of the critic, there is this concept or this idea that we should. If the critic pops up at any other time in the cycle, we should ask it to go back to in autumn. We should ask it to just go, just wait for me in Autumn, not right now. And I think this is a beautiful idea and if it works, fantastic. And sometimes you can do it. Sometimes you can go, okay, we can, if this is important, we can revisit in an in an autumn and, and from the lens of internal family systems, which is one of my favorite. You know, models, and this is where all the parts stuff that I talk about comes from. If that inner critic is being triggered at that point in time, it's because there's something valuable for it to, for it to say. And so there's some nuance with this where sometimes you might ask your critic to go back to inner autumn. But it, it won't. It's like, no, this is important and I need to tell you this now. And it's really important to honor that. And I think that as you build your capacity to be with your critic and build your capacity to be with these parts and, and practice that menstrual cycle awareness and practice those skills of creating that distance between you and the critic so that you can listen to it, it. It, it becomes more feasible, I guess, to be able to be with it in that moment. And it also might become easier to send it to inner autumn, so you kind of need to feel into this one. What I would never want to encourage is just like slapping a plaster on it for the rest of you know, your. Menstrual cycle and never listening to the critic or parts that get triggered and just trying to like suppress them and push them away and go, oh, for fuck sake, you're not meant to be coming up here in inner spring. Like, can you just fuck off thing, you know? And getting angry with that critic for popping up. I'd never wanna encourage that. And then trying to suppress it, I would never, you know, I don't think that that is a helpful approach, but if you can lovingly and gently set that boundary and go, Hey. Like, I really hear that you are scared right now. I really see you and I get that you're trying to, you know, give me a really important message here, but actually this is really not a good time. And, you know, this can, this can apply in life as well. You know, like maybe you're about to go out on stage and talk, give a talk to a crowd, and you're critics like popping up and you're like, okay, this is not a good time. You know, you don't, you can't sit and listen to it. So there's a balance, I guess is what I'm saying, between setting boundaries with the critic and going. Not now. Thank you. Um, and yeah, listening to it and that's something that you can feel into and also feel into with a practitioner as well, that can be really, really helpful to helping you discern when to listen to it and when to kind of step away. And then that kind of leads me nicely onto the other point is kind of, um. I guess instead of trying to go, oh no, like in how you set these boundaries, it's not like going like, oh no, no, go away. You are not meant to be here. It's actually being really compassionate with this part, knowing that it's trying to protect, you know, that it is like probably quite a young part of you trying to just do its best to keep you safe and to kind of, um, I guess. And demonstrate this or illustrate this, I'm not sure what the word I'm looking for is. Again, I'm three, three days outta my bleed. So I'm not like the most eloquent in my cycle right now. Um, so me and my partner have this thing with our dog where we've been trying to, so we live in a flat and we are trying to teach her to not bark at people, basically. Um. But we noticed that when we said no, we, it felt like really like no dah, dah, dah. And it didn't feel right because ultimately, like she's trying to protect us. Like we don't want her to just not ever bark. Like if there is, you know, some kind of suspicious person like lurking around outside the, the flower, like we want her to bark at them. We want her to know, you know, we want her to protect her space. And she naturally wants to do that as well. Right? Dogs are very territorial. So she's kind of just doing her job from her perspective. Notice the, the, uh, relation between you inner critic. It's just trying to do its job. So we changed from going, no, don't bark, no barking, to saying thank you. And obviously from her perspective, she's a dog. She didn't know. But the way that it just shifted the way that we handled it, it didn't shift the way. I actually did shift the way she responded. She actually responded much better to it. I think that's kind of the point, but because it shifted the way that happened, because we shifted the way that we kind of were talking about it, you know, we were, we were going, okay, thank you. Thanks for letting us know, and then giving her a treat when she'd quiet and down, and so now she'll bark, but. Then we'll go Thank you. And then she'll stop. So it's like she's alerting us, but then we're just like, okay, thanks. Yeah, thank you for letting us know. I can see that. I can, I see that Mr. Amazon is outside. I see that DPD is is delivering something. Right? I see the postman. Thank you for letting me know that the postman's there, you know, and. It's the same with the critic is going, oh, thanks for letting me know. Thanks for just highlighting that. Really, you know, like me with this morning with my art. Yeah, you are. You are right. I probably wouldn't have made that brush mark if I could go back and do it again. I'd maybe choose differently, but that's all part of the learning process. But thank you for highlighting that because now I can learn from it. Right? If you didn't have that there, if you didn't, if you didn't have any sort of feedback system, it would just be like. You can, you can never learn anything. You'd never improve anything. Um, and I know that this is hard when it's not just your critic going, oh, I'm making a brush mark. Like, and I, trust me, I totally understand. I have had my working with my inner critics because I have multiple, um. Has been a lifelong journey for me so far and I'm still continuing to do the work with it. Um, and it's one of the ways, you know, that my premenstrual, my PMDD was just yeah, really bad when, when it was at its worst before I started doing all this work. And I really understand that, you know, when that critic is telling you to just. Like isolate yourself or that you are like the worst person in the world or whatever. It's not so easy as going, oh thanks. Thanks for letting me know that critic. But it's just like this practice of going, okay, thank you. I can hear you. I hear that there is something you wanna tell me right now, and thank you for communicating with me. And the reason we do this is because the more that you acknowledge the critic, the less loud it gets, the less. Or consuming it gets, so I'm not, I'm not saying that it's gonna suddenly start, like, you know, writing you poetry and writing you a love letter instead of, you know, berating you. I'm not saying that, but I'm saying that you can start to get more distance from it. So you can just separate that voice and go, I see you, I know what this is, and I know that this is not necessarily 100% true. Like I know to just, yeah, just create a bit of distance from it and this takes practice and of course there's deeper work that sometimes need to be done as well with this. So that's the other thing with the critic is often if you are tracking your menstrual cycle, and I have this with clients and if you are kind of trying to be with the critic and you know, sometimes I work with people in a one-to-one setting and we're working with the critic and I go, do you know what I think you could really benefit from actually? Going a little bit deeper with this, going a bit deeper with the critic, with a therapist, and I specifically recommend Internal Family Systems for therapy or IFS therapy. I'm really working with that part. I'm really starting to understand what is going on in your system and where that has come from, and how to kind of relieve some of the weight in, in the critic. Um, you know, especially if your critic shows up as thoughts of, you know, suicidal self-harm. It is really, really important to do that deeper work as well alongside this kind of menstrual cycle informed approach. I guess, um, I just wanted to tell you another little, I guess surprising example of where my back in my PMDD depths of my PMDD days, uh, were my critic. I was honestly highlighting something, um, I guess kind of surprising and so it was an another situa It was, it was in my relationship and I'd received some feedback from my partner and I. I was really struggling to receive it and feeling really defensive and a lot of shame around it, and was because I was feeling that so intensely. I was struggling to kind of, I guess, take it on board and like digest the feedback and then actually kind of, you know, listen to him and, and offer, you know, compassion towards him and, and apology and all of that. And. It really, it was, it was so interesting because looking back on it now, I can see that that critic, the only reason the critic was there was because that there was truth in what he was saying to me and it triggered the shit out of me. And um, you know, it was really Yeah, highlighting that to me. And by being with the critic. I found the 1% truth. So it wasn't, you know, like, it wasn't like, oh my God, you're the worst person ever. That wasn't the truth. But the truth was, yeah, actually I really don't like that. I have, I've done that. I, that's not in alignment with who I am and that's not how I want to treat my partner. So actually I'm gonna change my behavior. So that's like the 1% truth thing, right? Is looking for that 1% truth of like, how is what my critic saying? Either teaching me something, highlighting something that needs to be healed, or showing me where I have acted out of alignment with myself, right out of alignment with who I really wanna be and how I really wanna conduct myself in the world. So it is super, super important in that sense. And so in terms of the actual process of being with your inner critic, right? So doing this work of like the 1% and maybe asking it, you know, to go to Autumn if it can wait, or even just waiting an hour until you've done the thing that you're trying to do. Um, that, the actual process of that. So I have a free. In terms of the actual process of that, I have a free premenstrual survival pack if you haven't got it already, that'll be in the show notes and in there is an audio version and also a written version of the process that you can go through with really spending some time to listen to your inner critic. So you can either do it as a meditation and pause it just, and, and sort of meditate on the questions and be with the part and the sensation. Or you can do it as a journal exercise. I love doing it as a journal exercise. When my critic shows up, I'm like, okay, this is curious. Um, I either do it as a journaling exercise or I go and sit with a tree and meditate on it, and I don't tend to, you don't have to, you know, follow the exact structure that I've given. This is, it's just a really nice framework to use when you are first starting to. I work with the critic. It's nice to have like a step by step thing to follow, but once you kind of get exercise that muscle, you know, this is a muscle. Once you've started to exercise that you can kind of start to follow your intuition with like. Where your critic is guiding you and and how you can be there for your critic and maybe soothe it as well. 'cause sometimes the critic just needs like a little bit of reassurance, you know, like you go, no, it's okay. Like, we're not a horrible person. We're not a horrible, we made a mistake, we're not a horrible person and I hear you and I'm here and or you know, or if it's like, yeah, this is really scary right now, but we're gonna be okay. This is safe to do. You know, sometimes it just needs that reassurance. So. Yeah, that can be, that can be the 1% truth as well. So it's just nice to have a framework. So if you would like to, you can grab that in the show notes. It's completely free and there's an audio version that you can download and have on your phone. Um, or there's a written version. And then the other thing that can really help is to have someone like actually. You know, kind of work through this with you or help you in the holding of your critic and help you do that pers that, that process of being with the critic in person, right? Or not in person online, but you know, there's, there's another person there helping you just provide the support to be able to really go in there and ask the questions and reflect back to you and that kind of thing. And that's what a premenstrual processing session is for. So that's a one 90 minute, one-to-one session with me. That's one of the things that we can do is work with the inner critic. And I think sometimes being witnessed in it is, is really powerful. 'cause it can take, kind of, take a little bit of the weight out of it. And again, if you are really, really struggling with, you know, those really deep, dark thoughts with the critic of like, I just, you know, the world would just be better without me and all of that. And again, I totally get it. I've been there. I really would recommend looking into internal family systems therapy. It's just. Ah, it's just amazing. It's fantastic and it really compliments the menstrually work as well. If you are enjoying working with your menstrual cycle and you know, seeing all the different ways it can pop up, that's really, really important. And I think I just, I. I wanna emphasize again that it's totally okay if your critic is popping up at other points in your cycle. If you're struggling with PMDD and PMS, you're probably focused on that part of your cycle and seeing it there. But it is worth noticing where else it shows up because now for me, actually. In my inner autumn, it's kind of easier for me to be with my critic. It kind of feels natural. It's like I know how to do this, you know, I know how to be with my premenstrual anger and frustration and critic and you know, all of the stuff when it does come up. But also it, it can feel a bit less natural to meet the critic in other places. And it's really worthwhile noting where it pops up and something that's really common. Um, certainly my experiences in, in a winter, so when you're on your bleed, resting can tend to be a trigger for the inner critic. Um, certainly was for me and. Uh, I think is for a lot of people because of the society we live in, right? Especially as people who have been, you know, socialized as women, there's this expectation to, you know, always be on the go and, and all of that. So that can trigger it. And then there's also like an element of, of vulnerability in, in a spring. So I mentioned that it pops up for me on day six. In that transition, there's a vulnerability there because there's this playfulness and like, and also all the childhood stuff can come up in, in a spring rate. So. There in response to that vulnerability and that playfulness, there can be like a backlash with the, with the inner critic and there can be kind of this pendulum swing that happens and it's like, no, that's not safe. Don't do that. Um, and it's really, really valuable to, you know, it. And maybe, you know, there's a middle ground as well with. Being with the critic, it's maybe a case of like noticing it and noticing I see you and I hear what you're saying and I'm gonna write this down and I am gonna revisit this in my inner autumn. And really making a commitment to do that because sometimes that's all the critic needs. It just needs that solid commitment that you will come back to it. So if you are someone who is really just like feeling totally hijacked with their inner critic, I just want you to know that it is absolutely possible to build a relationship with your critic where you don't feel that way, where you don't feel like it just totally hijacks your whole self-esteem and drives your actions and keeps you small and just. It really causes all that suffering. And again, like I said, the first step is creating that distance between you and the critic. And the only way you can do that is by turning towards it. You're not gonna create space from your critic by turning away and trying to ignore it and suppress it. So that's, I guess, the thing that I wanna. Leave you with and also know that this is a journey and it takes a lot of practice and I don't. I want to, I dunno, just name what can happen when we start trying to manage our critic is that when we're not, we feel we're not doing it well enough. It, that can be another critic on top of it. It can be another thing to criticize ourselves for, oh, well I'm not managing this critic very well, so I really wanna name that so that, that, yeah, I guess just something to be aware of. Um. And in those moments where it all just feels too much and Oh yeah. Getting space from the critic just feels impossible and just know that it's enough to just breathe. All you have to do in that moment is breathe. That is enough. That is enough to just breathe and just wait. And almost thinking of it as a kid having like a tantrum and just going, okay, I'm just gonna, they just need to get this out, and then we can regulate and just. Yeah, just being with it until it passes. Because it does pass. It does always pass. Especially if you can yeah. Have, hold the holding the intention of coming into a conscious relationship with your inner critic. I think it's the intention that's so, so important and like with all of, you know, all of this menstrual cycle stuff, the intention is so important. It's not necessarily what it looks like on the outside or how quickly things are changing or anything like that. The intention is, yeah, is really, really the important thing. Okay. So that is it for my rumblings on the inner critic. Um, I'm aware that we have kind of meandered a little bit back and forth and I would love to know yeah. How this is landing and if there is any, anything that you'd like clarifying, anything that, you know, any questions that I could answer. Always happy to take questions and turn them into whole podcast episodes or articles or whatever and, um, yeah, answer your questions through my content. Um, I'm always really, really keen to do that, so I am gonna leave it there. And yeah. Thank you for your time in listening.