Confidence, Self-image & Looking Good

Today we’re talking about confidence, self-image, and the idea of “looking good". Does looking good make us feel good? We’ll look at how appearance affects confidence, from bad hair days to clothes, weight, and all the messages we pick up from social media, TV, school, and the people around us.

We’ll also talk about why accepting ourselves can be so hard, and what confidence really means - on our own terms!

00:00:00 - Start
00:01:12 - Intro
00:01:50 - Does looking good, make you feel good?
00:13:37 - Spots
00:16:56 - What influences the way we look?
00:22:19 - Why can't we accept ourselves for who we are?
00:26:33 - What advice have we got to help with confidence?
00:27:34 - Final Thoughts

Project Managers: Andrea Rai & Phil Powell.

Editor: Phil Powell

Huge thanks to the National Lottery Reaching Communities Fund for supporting our Dis-labled podcast. Learn more about their amazing work: https://www.tnlcommunityfund.org.uk

All enquiries: podcast@communityfocus.co.uk
Website: https://www.communityfocus.co.uk/

Theme Music: Rastko Rasic & the students of Community FocusOther Music: Jazzy Frenchy by ⁠⁠⁠Benjamin Tissot

Transcript

Start

Phillip R 0:05

Community Focus. Community Focus. We're here for you.

Speaker 0:12

Our point of view. In Friary Park. You're talking about it.

Speaker 10 0:22

A week in review. We're here for you! Yay! Hooray! Hooray!

unknown 0:32

Hooray! Hooray!

Jonathan 0:40

Community Focus is an art centre for children and adults with disabilities. We are based in the borough of Barnet, North London and offer a selection of creative and well-being activities for all ages. Jonathan, Carol, Gila, and Havva.

Intro

Jonathan 1:13

Today we have really dug deep and we're talking about confidence, self-image and the idea of looking good. Does looking good make us feel good? We'll look at how appearance affects confidence, from bad hair days to clothes, weight, and all of the messages we pick up from social media, TV, school and the people around us. We'll also talk about why accepting ourselves can be so hard and what confidence really means on our own terms.

Does looking good, make you feel good?

Phillip R 1:52

Today we're talking about confidence, how looking good makes us feel good and happy.

Carol 1:59

So Gila, does looking good make you feel good?

Gila 2:05

So I think looking good makes me feel good, but also I think it is for alpha because I'm trying to lose weight but not for cosmetic reasons, for health reasons. I'm trying to l lose weight to make my muscles feel less rubbly, less shaky, because I have a a condition, a disability that's called muscular dyssi. And if I put a lot more weight on my muscles, then just it won't be good.

Carol 2:53

Um I also know someone who's also trying to lose weight because of m like medical conditions and other stuff. Yeah.

Phillip R 3:05

How long has you been feeling this way?

Gila 3:09

That is a good question, Phil. I think ever since I can feel my muscles feeling really s like weak.

Phillip R 3:21

Was this when you were born or what what happened? How long ago?

Gila 3:25

I can't remember how long weight has been uh like I need to lose weight. I think a long a long time because I just want to feel a bit more confident in how I look and not having my mind saying, Oh, you overweight, you need to lose weight to make your muscles feel good.

Carol 3:59

Do you think clothes have an effect on your experience?

Gila 4:06

I think clothes does because for some reason I love wearing loose clothing, but if it's too tight, then you can see my tummy. And I just feel rougher than people say you look overweight because that is an insult to for people who are trying to lose weight.

Carol 4:35

I feel like if people wear tight clothing you can see how the appearance of them I agree with you at that point, but I feel like if you feel more confident in yourself when wearing uh like tight clothing, you might it might change you in a way like if you're insecure and you don't feel confident enough to wear like a a crop top and you feel insecure about that, but like if you change your ways and you start wearing like tight clothing, you'll feel more confident about yourself and like you think people care but they don't actually care. Like people have their own lives so they have their own they have their own lives and they live their own lives and you think people are gonna stare at you, but people are not gonna stare at well they are gonna stare at you, but they don't but they but they don't care.

Jonathan 5:37

Jonathan, does looking good make you feel good I've often found that the goodness that I felt has been largely superficial because as some people know that uh at one point I was um I was very large at one point in my life for about ten years and then uh suddenly suddenly my weight dropped like crazy f it was like a tremendous amount of weight in a very short span of time and for a brief period after all the weight was lost I was happy uh but then I realised that because of my medical condition that caused this weight loss my thinking hadn't really changed. The way I looked at myself hadn't really changed. And so this battle that I was trying to do to lose that weight, it never really finished, it's just sort of like kind of felt like the battleground had to sort of change shape.

Carol 6:57

Do you think it was something called body dysmorphia?

Jonathan 7:02

Yes, i it uh it is something definitely connected with that sort of thing. I became very, very conscious of my own looks and a lot of it was down to my weight, and having it suddenly all drop off by m a medical issue it didn't change what really was the most important thing, and that was h having a positive outlook on myself. You know, I needed to be positive about how I looked in the first place. But because I didn't have that, I didn't have one of the key ingredients for feeling better about yourself. It didn't matter it didn't matter if I'd lost a load of weight because I still couldn't quite see it. I couldn't qu quite see myself in a positive way. How do people uh see you now? In a way I still feel like people see me in the same way I did when I had all that weight on even though some people seem to say they see me differently, but maybe I don't have the right perception to be able to notice, and it still comes down to that same basic issue of not having the right mindset.

Gila 8:17

Do you think for my your mindset real change?

Jonathan 8:22

If I can do the right things like improve my confidence in myself and make myself more fulfilled on the inside, then that is apparently what should really help, and yeah, that's something I'm trying to work on these days.

Carol 8:40

Jonathan, I believe that you have the ability to feel good about yourself, feel covered about yourself.

Jonathan 8:48

Thank you. So so Hather, does looking good make you feel good?

Havva 8:54

Sometimes it makes me um feel good, sometimes I put a lot of weight, then I lost a lot of w weight, then I can wear trousers now, before I can wear trousers, before I still wear skirts, and I'm I wasn't very happy with the skirts. Now it fits me the trousers because I'm losing weight.

Andrea 9:15

Have I? Yeah. I think one thing that you love doing is dyeing your hair.

Havva 9:19

Yeah, I was gonna dye my hair, yeah. I dunno I didn't have time that time. I'm gonna do it on Sunday. Dye my hair. Um red. Wonderful, yeah.

Andrea 9:31

How does it make you feel when your hair's red?

Havva 9:34

It makes me happy, it makes me younger because I don't like my age, you know that. Because my age is higher, my age is gonna be lower and I'm happy with it. Thank you very much and listen to me from Hover. Goodbye.

Gila 10:00

Hover, how many how many colours have you dyed your hair?

Havva 10:08

I've I've done it brown, black, red, and I've done it all the different colours I've done it three times and done all the different colours and I did not like it, and I've got red hair, I've got red colour, it suits me. I did not do other colours black and brown, and I'm happy with red hair and I'm got it on Sunday. It's a it's uh it makes you feel good or bad good.

Phillip R 10:37

I used I used I used I used to have red hair a long time ago. I said red hair for Arsenal It was my late wife Susie who introduced me introduced me to red hair. So we were we were two red heads, we were and I I I really enjoyed it, you know. I don't know about going back now to red hair, yeah. I don't know.

Gila 11:07

Does looking good make you feel good?

Phillip R 11:11

Yes it does. I like bright colours, you know, not dark colours, you know. Even though we're I'm wearing dark colours now. But usually I I like wearing bright colours, yeah.

Speaker 5 11:22

Phil? That's my name. Don't wear it out. I knew you would say that. I just waiting for it .

Gila 11:30

Um with when you dyed your hair.

Phillip R 11:34

Yes.

Gila 11:36

Did you have to think about what you are picking out to wear, like clothing-wise?

Phillip R 11:42

Yes I did, yes, I did. In those days I I really look nice, you know. Yeah. Hey Carol, does looking good make you feel good?

Carol 11:55

Um it it really depends on the situation. Like, for example, it might be a sunny day and you might feel very happy and you might want to like wear something new or like style your hair, and that can affect your mood. But like overall it depends on the day. If you get out of your comfort zone and you try something new, for example, stylising your clothes or a hobby, or you do something that your anxiety wouldn't normally do, it will affect your confidence and make you like more confident in yourself. And doing something that you love also has an effect on your happiness, and overall you will gradually become more positive about yourself.

Gila 12:48

Following on from the first question, I for my appearance, I don't really mind how like for work, I just go in tracky ch light a top, baggy top because of what I just said before. Um so I don't and just do my hair masses, so I don't really like go into glam gila. And I really don't go into glam gila on the weekend either. Um and I don't put makeup on. Whatever you see, Gila, this is gila. What what Gila,

Spots

Gila 13:37

what would happen if you woke up with a big spot on your face um if I wake up with a big spot um I just say right, di I have a big spot, I don't care. This is this is me. Um and if people look at me or say why you've got a big spot on your face or judge me about having a spot on my face, I will just like this is who I am and I am proud to be who I am. Some people use stickers to cover their spots. Jonathan, do you?

Jonathan 14:30

Yes, can I help you?

Gila 14:35

Jonathan, do you use for sport stickers that people wear around that people see?

Jonathan 14:45

Yes, I do. Yes. In fact, I have one on my head right now. Yeah. Uh yeah, I have one of the more concealing types, but yeah, I have noticed that a lot of people have the spot stickers that to actually highlight themselves on the face. I guess it's because if I were to take my best guess, I think it's because they want to turn the fact that they've got a spot into some kind of a maybe like a decoration, maybe like a way of turning it into a into a like a positive sort of thing. Like a little bit of extra sort of um like punctuation to their face, really, you know, just uh say like, oh look, I've got this you know little star on my face, isn't it nice, you know? And underneath there may be a spot, but uh on the outside there is a star and it's uh nice looking star and it turns into a positive thing.

Gila 15:46

How long does the spot stickers stick on your face? That turns I start that again, you laugh. How long does the spot stickers stick to your face?

Jonathan 16:04

I tend to keep it on for quite a while unless I'm suddenly going out because I do have a bit of self-conscious factor about it. If I go out and I've forgotten to take most of them off, and I realise at some point I do feel a little bit embarrassed because they can be quite seeable even though they are there to conceal it.

Carol 16:30

In my opinion, I think spot stickers are quite interesting and unique because um they kinda like they're kinda like a useful resource with like if you have acne or sk or or any spots in your face. Um yeah.

What influences the way we look?

Phillip R 16:57

What an influence the way we look.

Jonathan 17:02

Well for me, there's never really been much of an influence for the way I look. I've just sort of gone with what I feel natural with, you know. I've seen some looks here and about, you know, television and things on the internet, but I've never really seen much of an appeal in adopting those looks onto me because when I see other people with a look, I just think that's their look, not mine. And so I just try to think about what would be best for me. What influences the way you look?

Gila 17:42

For me, it is about social media and other people around me.

Carol 17:48

I think uh social media does have an effect on our influence and how we perceive it. It depends what like you're going for. If you're going for style, like fashion on there or like trends, you kinda have that intention to like join in and have that experience with what you wanna do and like sometimes you feel like you're missing out on it, so you just like you you go through through it.

Havva 18:24

If I was um if I just uh um I I was um um natural, I'd be uh a top star, a s a singer or something, I'd wear or a wig or something, and and a lovely necklace or something or jewelry. I'd be famous. On the I'd be top of the world, round the world, all different countries I've never been before. That was my dream I'm dreaming about that for my future one day. I didn't get my future yet. On it comes, I let you know. Goodbye.

Carol 19:04

Thank you very much that'd be today Can I also can I ask something? Yeah I think what also influences people is very fashion, like fashion is like a big thing in the industry. People like go for fashion to make them feel good and it has like a huge influence on the way we are seen in society.

Gila 19:37

Also, I think it comes down to our parents and carers that like oh you need to look like this if you go to a club or you need to look like this if you go to something special or um you need to do this because it how people dress. Um I feel like it is for social press yeah, I think thank you Phil. I think it is for social pressure of being around people because they put more pressure on you to do to look like nice or to look glam or to look whatever. Um but I don't think you sh like people should get upset about not looking good.

Carol 20:45

I feel like content creators can have a huge effect on the way we watch them and it gives us like motivation to like have inspiration from that person. So there's this implementer called S Spencer Barbosa. She basically does inspirational videos about um insecurities and she kinda exposes herself to them and it has a huge effect on her audience that some people have that her audience struggle with insecurities and she kinda she's kinda like influential and positive in an area where she like for example she's in a video and she's saying it's okay to have um uh fat around your it's okay to have fat around your area, like you should be confident in yourself. She makes those types of videos to let people know that it's okay to be who you are as a person and don't be afraid to do something that you do something that you want to do.

Gila 22:01

Amir, what influences how you look?

Amir 22:06

Life -style pos ture and self-image.

Jonathan 22:15

Thank you for reminding me to correct my posture.

Why can't we accept ourselves for who we are?

Havva 22:19

Why can't we accept ourselves?

Gila 22:22

I think the reason why we can't accept ourselves is because people put a lot of judgment on how you look and how to fit into social lives and I feel like we we need to just be brave of who we are and not be self-conscious of how we look and just be brave that however we look we look so I just look comfy today and I don't necessarily think it is a bad thing, but also I do think it is a bad thing, but I just need to just like hey it's this is me, I I can't really do anything about it.

Carol 23:19

I think it all comes down to trying every day to say one thing nice about yourself and gradually that will change you as a person and have a more positive aspect on your life where you're gonna look in the mirror and you're gonna say, you're gonna think to yourself that you're pretty, that you look amazing, because if you if you think negative all the time and you don't think positive, nothing will change and you will have that that that uh that thought that you're gonna think you're ugly or you're gonna think you're you're stupid, and you're gonna have all these negative thoughts, but if you change that with one saying one thing positive about yourself every day, or reminding yourself that you're pretty and beautiful or or handsome or something, that's gonna have like a change on you. Jonathan, why can't we accept ourselves the way we are?

Jonathan 24:15

The best answer I think I can come up with, because I feel like there is no simple answer to this, and nothing truly definitive. I think it's because we're trying to fit ourselves into a shape that has been m moulded by someone else or a group of people that are not us, you know, we should be shaping ourselves, not other people. And if we're gonna keep on doing that, we're gonna keep on not knowing what the best shape for us to be is, because you know, there's millions and millions of us across the planet, everybody's got their own idea of what beauty is, you know, and we're never gonna truly be able to get to anything that can be considered objectively beautiful.

Carol 25:10

I like the way how it used uh shaped ourselves. I think it's very like descriptive in like a person, like it uses very good imagery.

Gila 25:23

I feel like you shouldn't beat yourself up if you feel low because if you feel low, you wouldn't do anything, you just sit at home feeling rubbish about yourself and feeling like you're not enough, but you actually are and I I always have to remind myself that when I have low confidence days with almost every single day, I need to remind myself that actually you are enough, you don't need to beat yourself up.

Carol 26:03

I think also it comes down to what Gila said, like trying to like remind yourself in a way to like love yourself and learn to like accept your flaws. Cause like there's this one quote from the song All of Me. Uh it goes, Cause all of me loves all of you, love your curves and all your edges, love your perfect imperfect imperfections by John Legend. It just describes that you should just love yourself.

What advice have we got to help with confidence?

Carol 26:33

What advice would you give to other people to help with your confidence, Jonathan?

Jonathan 26:38

Don't pay so much attention to what other people are doing, and just keep an eye on yourself and see where it's getting you. And if you can see it's getting you any sort of progress, just count that as something good, even if it's not a lot of progress. And as long as you're going forward, I think that's a good reason to show confidence.

Havva 27:05

If they're called contempt, you have to look after yourself and be sad and be happy. That's the competent to to stay on and go forward, not backwards.

Phillip R 27:23

Don't put yourself down all the time. Just raise yourself up.

Final Thoughts

Gila 27:37

I've taken to not to beat myself up and to be who I am, to be proud, to go out there and just be who I am and not look on for negative things.

Carol 27:54

Be positive and love yourself the way you are.

Amir 27:58

Be strong. Be happy.

Havva 28:03

Don't break. We were breaking to pieces in the dustbin. Goodbye for me and thank you.

Jonathan 28:14

Don't follow goals set by other people, follow your own.

Phillip R 28:31

We're here for you.

Speaker 28:33

I want a view. At five o'clock, you're booked London. A week in review.

Speaker 10 28:45

We're here for you. Yeah. Hooray.

unknown 28:54

Hooray.