Trust The Process

Welcome to Reaching Minds Mini Series: How to Therapy!

This episode discusses the second guessing of ourselves in the therapy process and how to navigate those doubts through the experience of the host. Stay connected through following on instagram @reachingminds. 

Transcript

SPEAKER_00 0:14

Ha we are back. We are back. How y'all doing? Welcome, welcome to Read Your Minds mini series, how to therapy. We are on our last and final episode, episode four. I know, right? Oh. But thank y'all for tuning in. Um again. My name is Brianna Williams MS. Um I am, if you haven't yet, you know, look back at the other um episodes for the miniseries. Um, we have been discussing a lot of things. You know, we have been diving into, you know, how to search for a therapist. We have been diving into just being a black therapist and looking at even the statistics of um black Americans and BIPOC that are enrolled in therapy, enrolled in the mental health services. Um, we talked about using your voice, advocating for yourself as a client, what's your rights? Um and so definitely like I appreciate so far just the just the listening, the listeners, I appreciate so far the feedback. Um definitely be sure to to like, share, follow, follow us on Instagram at Regent Minds, um, and just continue to just share this podcast with someone. Um, whether they have been um going through their therapy journey, whether they're thinking about starting to look into it, um, whether they are in the field practicing as a therapist or looking to get into the field, you know, all this is good information for anybody at any stage. So definitely feel free to to share it. Um, so yeah, let's dive in. I'm ready to dive into the to the last and final topic of this mini-series, how to therapy. And today's episode is called Trust the Process. Trust the process. No, we're not the Sixers, but um definitely this is something that um we have to find ourselves doing as we are, you know, either entering into the therapy world or thinking about it, or we're already in it, no matter what stage, you know, we have to trust the process. And a lot of um things that really come up, you know, even just for myself, talking to other people, um, even my clients, um, and people in general, I'm pretty sure we all had this question of Am I doing therapy right? Like, we've all had that. I've had that countless times. Um, and as we're going through the process of therapy, we even second guess and we say, like, am I really making progress? Like, is this really working? Am I really like getting somewhere, you know, in my journey? Am I really um growing and healing and developing and all these different things that that tend to come when we are beginning to pull back the layers? Um, and definitely like when we have setbacks, when we have things that come back up and trigger us, um, when we face other situations and we don't handle them um in the best way, you know, we ask ourselves like maybe this derby is not working, like we start second guessing. Um, or maybe we just say, dang, I think I'm just like venting and I'm just like talking too much, or I'm not really um getting any benefit from it. We start questioning that that portion as well. But definitely I want to just walk you through my process, my therapy journey, and um let you know to trust the process because at the end of the day, the process does pay off. It really does pay off. So my therapy journey um it started around, I want to say, maybe like 2018, if I can say. Um, but I've had mental health struggles for years, like not knowing, not really identifying um or putting a name to those struggles. Um, I struggle with depression and anxiety at times. Um and so growing up, we never really, like my family, um friends, you know, uh the communities I was around, like we never talked about mental health. We never talked about that. You know, that was something that was seen as like um something that that white people did, or something that rich people did, or something that you see in in television shows, or something that crazy people, you know, um explored. It was never for the common the common person. It was never for someone like me, you know. We just took our problems to God, or we just took our problems to auntie or our best friend or mama or the pastor or you know, different people, or we kind of just held it in and said, you know what, it could be worse. Um, so when I came into college, I was experiencing all these different things, um, you know, transitioning um into being um a child to being an adult. You know, like I'm I'm out here on my own somewhat, you know. Um at that time I was living off campus, having to pay bills, um, and things like that. Um, but even before then, when I first started college, you know, I noticed some depression. I didn't put that name to it, but definitely a lot of sadness, um, a lot of uh sleepless nights, a lot of like struggling with um my emotions and things like that. Um, but I really tapped into my therapy journey, you know, when I moved off campus, and I was introduced to it by um my my now sister, you know, who really just like told me her story, told me her journey. Because I never seen someone else that looked like me, that was a Christian, um, that was open about being in therapy, that was open about the process. Um, that was something I never heard before, you know. I wasn't judged for the things that I felt, I wasn't judged for my experiences, but I was able to be in a space where um I was able to relate. And so that definitely um pushed me into my journey and really allowed me to address and identify like no, like you're not just going through the motions, you're not crazy, you're not um doing have you don't have to do this alone. Um but you are struggling with depression. Let's be real. You're struggling with anxiety, let's be real and so definitely having to face that, you know, full force in the beginning, it was it was tough. It was tough because I still like you know, when I would go home, um I still didn't have that community where I felt like I can be open about my journey. And so that was also hard, like not having that community as well, um, just in in my in my regular space. And so um basically, you know, I I started my journey, I started seeing a therapist, um, and I had to go through a lot of therapists in the beginning, and I know this is this is this is not only my story, I know this is a lot of people's story where they really had to um filter out therapists like crazy, and that can be so discouraging, it can be so um tiring to have to like explain again and again and again um the trauma that kind of brought you here, or to explain again and again and again, you know, what your symptoms are, what you're feeling, and to get to know someone else and things like that, but you know, it's worth it, it's worth it. Um, and so during that process, um, you know, changing through different therapists, but you know, even through the ones that I had to change through, I was able to take something, at least something, um, from those moments, um, and things like that. I was able to um begin to address some things and um begin to really look in the mirror and realize like I'm broken, I am struggling, like I'm going through. Um, and so just as an encouragement, even if you are in that phase where you're like, I don't think this this this therapist is working for me, I don't think like this is right, I don't think I'm getting the most that I need, I don't think we're vibing in that way. Just know like it's okay. It's okay if you have to change up. And we talked about this, you know, in the last episode, like it's okay if you have to switch up and go to someone else, but also like really just think about some of the things that like they brought to light for you. Um, because that's also like an that's also a way of how you see uh the growth within your therapy journey. So don't be afraid, don't be afraid, definitely don't be afraid to to continue the process of filtering out, even if you have to take a break for a second. There were times that I did take a break and say, you know what, I don't feel like starting over right now. But don't take a break for too long. Definitely don't go without you know um without a professional for too long, um, so that way things are not continuing to build up. Um and so trust the process in that. And so along the way, I found, you know, some therapists who helped me um to identify kind of what was the what's the word what was the um trigger or like what was the start of my depression? And that was uh the tragic loss of my brother, you know. I realized like I was stuck at the age of 12. Um, I realized there were some things like in in my life, um, some encounters with people, some encounters with family that also, you know, affected, you know, how I how I view the world or how I viewed people, how I um had my circle, how I was vulnerable, how much I allowed myself to be vulnerable, how much I guarded myself and things like that. And so definitely like there were some some moments even like with those therapists that um I was able to identify and able to really work and address through those things, and they took me as far as they could. They took me as far as they could, and that's okay. That's okay. And so sometimes when we are having those questions of like, am I really making progress? Maybe sometimes that's not just the inner thought, maybe sometimes that's not just you overthinking, but sometimes it maybe is like this is all the progress I can make with this therapist, but there is some more that I need I need work to work through, and so maybe alright, I need to go to the next person that will help me with that. Maybe I need someone with more experience in this area, or maybe I need a different approach or a different modality um to help me process this next phase in life. And so I had my moment where I had to um I had to switch. I had to find someone else that was going to take me further. And so now I am I I switched up again. Now I have someone new, and so their approach is totally different than the other ones, and it's beneficial, it has been beneficial so far. So definitely like don't give up on that. Like, don't give up if you do have to switch or if you're in the beginning stages and you're trying to find someone that meshes well, like it's okay, it's definitely okay. One thing I had to learn is how much do I share? Um do I keep talking about the same thing? Like, um do I like where where kind of do I go? Like is like what is this process like? Am I supposed to be the one just talking? Like, um, do I just talk about my past? Do do I wait for them to ask me questions? Like, um, and so I really had to in the process figure out um figure out what my style is, like what works best for me. And so at first I would say, um, I would tell my therapist, I'd be like, listen, you gotta ask me questions. If you want me to talk, you gotta ask me some questions because I don't even know what I'm supposed to do. And that's okay, like, because they are able to guide you in that process, as well as sometimes we're just not as comfortable and um and as free in the beginning. So sometimes we need that push, sometimes we need um someone to to give us prompting questions so that way we can begin to think or have a guide um to help navigate us to where where we kind of want to go or need to go. Um so definitely like that's something that you can you can say, like, hey, I think this might be better for me. Instead of you asking me about my day, like or my week, like I don't think that's really beneficial. Like, maybe can you ask me some prompting questions? Um, and then all and then looking at your goals, like thinking about like what is your goal for therapy? Um, that can kind of help you on like what to talk about. Um, and don't worry about trying to put the whole story out there. Cause I know for some people that can be overwhelming, trying to figure out like if I should say from when I was born with hospital all the way up until when my parents got divorced, and then this and that. You don't have to say, you know, you don't have to give the whole timeline because eventually it will come out. Eventually, everything that you need to say will come out, so don't overwhelm yourself on the facts and the timelines and how much you have to say and how much information that you need, but really just focusing on um what you have to say in that moment. Where are you right now that you feel you want to get the help in, that you want to work on, that you want to grow in, that you want to heal from. And even if you don't know, that's where you can definitely ask for those prompting questions to help you figure out where you want to be. Um, and so definitely, definitely, there were times where I um doubted my memory, like thinking about like when I'm trying to tell stories, like, am I telling this right? Like, things like that. Um, that came up a lot in my journey, like second guessing, um, my storytelling abilities, because they're not the best memory, kind of sucks, but but really like not harping on how you tell the story, um, because again, it's gonna get cleared up the more that you talk and things like that. Um, when you're dealing with trauma, when you're dealing with you know mental mental illness and mental health, when you're dealing with that, it could kind of cloud some things and um cause you to remember things in a different way, or cause you to um to just really um exercate that one that one side of the story or that one part of the the situation, and so the more that you talk, the more that things will come out, things will be clear, you'll get more clarity and understanding, they'll be able to guide you through. So don't worry about being perfect in the session. Um, but just worry about being vulnerable. That was something I had to practice as well in my in my therapy journey is vulnerability because it's hard for me to express, especially with someone that I don't know. And so definitely don't feel like you have to, again, like tell it all. Don't feel like you have to just spill, don't feel like you have to um just go in, unless that's that's you know what you're used to, unless that's something that you're comfortable with. But for those that struggle with with talking and expressing, um take your time. Take your time, but also push yourself to share even those uncomfortable things. Push yourself to be real and honest. You don't have to do it all up front. That's so that's gonna be too overwhelming. You don't have to do that. But um you can definitely um you can definitely take your time. Take your time to express, take your time to um share and be vulnerable. And the last thing like on my therapy journey that that I've learned that has been helpful is doing the homework that they give you. Um really implementing the things that you guys talked about in session, those coping skills. Um, if there's any like reflection that's given, if there's any breathing work or you know, things like that, if there's any like challenges they they they're um assigning for you to do outside of therapy, um, any communication skills, whatever it is, do the homework. Do the homework. I was not the best student at times, right? Um, there were times I'd be like, nah, I ain't doing that. Or I'd be like, oh, I forgot, it's too much, you know, life. It like the week went by so fast, I couldn't even think about it. I couldn't even give myself a chance to really sit down and do this. Um, but I realized when I there were more number of times that I did do the homework that it was the most beneficial to my healing and my growth. It helped um kind of speed up the process a little bit for me. Um, and so I encourage you to do the homework in the process, even if it's hard, even if it's uncomfortable, um, because there's only but so much you can do in 50 minutes. There's only but so much. So the real work of therapy is outside of those sessions. It's when you don't have the therapist there coaching you. It's when life is really life in and now you have to put those things that you're learning into play. Um, and so that that's where the real work comes from. Therapy is just the part where you get the game plan, where you build the foundation, where you do some repairing, um, where you're building and brainstorming. But outside of therapy, outside of those walls, that's where the real work is getting done. And so trust the process. Trust the process. There's gonna be some things that is gonna be brought up. There's gonna be some triggers, there's gonna be um some uncomfortable things that you're gonna have to sit through or sit in or talk about. But trust the process. That's all a part of it. There's gonna be some times where therapy is really good. You're you're in a space where you're like, yo, I think I I finally mastered this thing, like I'm doing really well right now, and that's good. That's good. Trust the process, trust the process, and remember that healing is not linear. Healing is like a roller coaster, it goes in waves, it goes up and down, and so definitely there's gonna be some highs, there's gonna be some lows, there's gonna be some mids, but really just continuing to do the work that you are um working on in therapy, implementing those things, and you'll see progress, you'll see a difference. That doesn't mean that things won't happen and you won't mess up. No, doesn't mean that doesn't mean sometimes you might regress or relapse. It doesn't mean that. But no, it means that like you have the tools, you're equipped now, you can use them, they're at your at your disposal whenever you need them, and then you have a safe place to kind of talk about those things and to kind of sharpen those tools, or even add some more tools to that tool belt, so that way when life is life and you'll be able to conquer it, or you can even identify where this thing is coming from. It's not just anger, it's not just sadness, it's not just you know nervousness, it's not just all these other emotions, but it's pinned to um this little girl, or this little boy, or it's pinned to this time when so-and-so made me feel this way, or it's pinned to when you were felt left out, or it's pinned to all these different moments that we encounter day to day. It's pinned to fears, it's pinned to what so-and-so said to us. So definitely, definitely trust the process, it's not an overnight thing, it's not even a month thing sometimes, it's not even a year thing sometimes. Sometimes it's going to be a couple year thing, you know. I've been in this process for a while, and I've seen some growth, I've seen where I've been able to let go of some things or things not affect me as as much, or able to again identify and process more and address and put a name to some of those things. So trust the process. If you want to hear nothing else, trust the process. But that wraps up our last episode of the series. I know, bummer, but we will be back definitely with some more content. Um, so please, please, please um reach out to me, DM me, or shoot me a message in the link in the bio, and just let me know what you want to hear, if there's any questions, if there's any scenarios that you have that you kind of need help navigating, um, as far as like in your walking therapy or whatever, maybe you're in school, or maybe you know, you have questions about you know going through grad school and what you have to do for that, all these different things. You know, I'm here for any anywhere that you're at, any life stage. Definitely want to be able to to advocate, to help, to inform, to provide awareness. And so I'll see you guys next time. Again, follow us, follow me on Reach Your Minds um on Instagram. All right, y'all. Thanks for tuning in. Mini series complete.