You Keep Me Sane

Trying To Figure It Out: Identity, Self-Worth, and the “Voice” We Lose

Aileen Harvey and Julie Fahy Season 2 Episode 13

Use Left/Right to seek, Home/End to jump to start or end. Hold shift to jump forward or backward.

0:00 | 19:57

Episode overview

A line from Jon Bon Jovi that genuinely stopped Aileen in her tracks: “We’re all just here trying to figure it out.” Coming from someone who looks like he’s “made it”, it lands differently - like an equaliser and a hand on your shoulder.

This one is about humility, rebuilding, and the midlife unravel - the kind that can feel frightening… but might actually be the start of coming home to yourself.


Key discussion points

  • The line that hit hard: “We’re all just here trying to figure it out” - why it feels more powerful coming from someone we assume has it all sorted.
  • Identity vs performance: the idea that what you do isn’t who you are - and why that’s a self-worth conversation, not just a career one.
  • Why we all panic when something shifts: kids growing up, relationships changing, careers wobbling, hormones doing their thing — and suddenly asking: If I’m not doing that… who am I?
  • Losing your voice as a metaphor: not physically - emotionally. Years of being silenced, managing everyone else’s emotions, walking on eggshells, and having to rebuild your voice “brick by brick”.
  • A softer, truer kind of success: chasing dreams from alignment, not pressure - and remembering it’s never “too late” to change direction.

Listener takeaways

  • You are not your role. Not your job title. Not your productivity. Not your “usefulness”.
  • Losing your voice doesn’t mean you’re lost. It might be the start of finding the real one.
  • Humility is strength. Real confidence isn’t loud - it’s honest.
  • Dreams don’t expire. There’s always a new phase, and you can still begin again at 40, 50, 60 - but from alignment, not pressure.
  • You don’t need a five-year plan to be okay. You don’t need to be polished to be worthy.

Join the conversation

If you’re in a season where things feel uncertain - where you’re rethinking who you are, or what your life is becoming - you’re not alone.

A question to sit with:
 When you strip away what you do… what’s still true about who you are?

And if this episode made you exhale a little, share it with someone who might need that same hand-on-the-shoulder feeling.

One more thing, our Sanity Checks are now over on Patreon (for the price of a cup of coffee each month). If you want a little extra support in your ears, come and join us there.



Links:

Subscribe to our Newsletter: https://www.youkeepmesane.com/subscribe/

Hosts: Aileen Harvey & Julie Fahy

See https://www.buzzsprout.com/privacy for privacy information

Disclaimer:

Remember, we’re two friends sharing our personal experiences and discussing everyday challenges. We’re not qualified coaches or therapists, and our content is for general information and supportive conversation only. If you need professional help, please seek advice from a licensed therapist.