Red Flags, Green Flags & Brutal Honesty | Out Loud with Rob & Rachel Ep. 23

Rob and Rachel dive into everyday behaviors, personality traits, and relationship habits to break down what’s a red flag… and what’s actually a green one. From shopping cart etiquette and being “brutally honest” to validation, money talk, and people who blame everything on ADHD, nothing is off limits.

They also get into office drama, self-awareness, and the uncomfortable truth about people who refuse to look in the mirror. And of course, it wouldn’t be Out Loud without a few wild stories, including love bombing, dating red flags, and situations that make you question everything.

It’s honest, a little edgy, and definitely relatable.

In this episode:
• Red flag vs. green flag everyday habits
• Personality traits that reveal more than you think
• Office drama and misplaced accountability
• Validation, insecurity, and self-awareness
• Money talk, humble brags, and tone-deaf behavior
• Dating red flags and real-life stories

Listen, relate, and decide for yourself… what’s a dealbreaker?

Transcript

SPEAKER_03 0:00

Welcome to Out Loud with Rob and Rachel. This is what happens when two ADHD brains come together and think out loud.

SPEAKER_02 0:07

Hey everybody, thanks for tuning in again to the Out Loud podcast with Rob and Rachel.

SPEAKER_03 0:12

Hello, everyone. Welcome back to this summer, winter, spring day we weather we're having here, right? It's like you start out as winter in the morning. Although that's changing these days.

SPEAKER_02 0:25

It's definitely changing. It was like 90 yesterday, I think, right?

SPEAKER_03 0:29

Why? It was colder, it was war cooler today.

SPEAKER_02 0:31

I did I didn't go outside much today.

SPEAKER_03 0:33

We had an evacuation walk.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 0:35

We do it twice a year. Oh wow. You evacuate the entire school to another school.

SPEAKER_02 0:39

Yeah. Oh, I'm walking. Yes. That's good.

SPEAKER_03 0:42

Um to practice, you know, just in case, God forbid you need to leave. Um it's very interesting with my students.

SPEAKER_01 0:48

Is it helpful?

SPEAKER_03 0:50

No, they just think that they're kind of on a walk. Well, my students just think they're kind of on a walk. And I mean, but it was actually beautiful today. And um, it was a really nice, you know, 45 minutes of walking and you know, but but it's very sad that it has to be done.

SPEAKER_02 1:03

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. I wasn't sure what what Rachel I was getting today. Seemed like you were on fire all day today.

SPEAKER_03 1:09

What do you mean?

SPEAKER_02 1:09

Uh yeah, well, you fired up a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 1:12

I had some things at work. Like there's a in it's an interesting dynamic at work right now. Like I know, again, we've talked about how like you work for yourself, so you don't have the same kinds of, you know, like office drama, even though I don't work in an office, I work in a school. But um, there's some stuff like the person at the job who doesn't do their job and then everyone gets in trouble for it.

SPEAKER_02 1:36

Oh, wow. Um, that's a problem.

SPEAKER_03 1:38

That the person who didn't follow through with their stuff got in trouble for it. So everyone got the email, so now they're on top of everyone to make sure that everyone's where they need to be to, even though we've always been. But four emails later, now this person who decided to never do what she was supposed to do. Right. Now all of us have a microscope on us. So I was I was definitely fired up today because it's fired up?

SPEAKER_02 1:58

I could tell.

SPEAKER_03 1:59

I do my sh I do my shit. Like, do your shit and leave the rest of us alone. Like, why does your shit have to be dumped onto me? I got enough shit.

SPEAKER_02 2:08

Yeah, no, everybody's underneath the microscope. Well, with that being said, sorry, I had to.

SPEAKER_03 2:13

Thank you. I'm over it now.

SPEAKER_02 2:14

I'm gonna straighten out my sleeves and you know, it kind of uh buckled up and red goes into that a little bit, some of the some of this part.

SPEAKER_03 2:21

This is this is uh You're bringing out the fired up in me.

SPEAKER_02 2:23

Yeah, this is this is red flag, green flag. Love it. All right, love it. So I'm gonna ask you some questions.

SPEAKER_03 2:30

Now, are okay, but let's for context, let's are we just in general red flag, green flag? Is this like a dating thing? Is this like a parenting thing?

SPEAKER_02 2:38

There's uh just a couple of questions on social behavior, okay, social, just in general, everyday habits. Okay, and then most of them, because I like it, um, this part of it, personality and self-awareness. And then uh a little bit of communication and relationship, but that's not a couple thing, that could be any type of relationship.

SPEAKER_03 2:58

Yep, absolutely. All right.

SPEAKER_02 3:00

We talk about the next subject once in a while, money and lifestyle.

SPEAKER_03 3:03

Oh, yes, we do talk about that.

SPEAKER_02 3:05

And then there's like some slightly edgy friction questions. All right. Yeah. And you don't have to answer all of them. Like if it doesn't, if it's uh not applicable, just you know, let me know. Okay. And then uh we'll kind of talk it talk about besides just saying red flag and green flag. Okay. How about people who uh now this drives me crazy? It's a red flag for me, people who don't return their shopping carts.

SPEAKER_03 3:27

It's a red flag for me, too. That's obnoxious.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

Right.

SPEAKER_03 3:30

It is because somebody else then has to go out and do it. And I always okay, but I have been known to half return.

SPEAKER_01 3:40

Uh-oh. All right. I have.

SPEAKER_03 3:41

So I'll put it in a safe location where other carts are. Oh, I have, I will say that.

SPEAKER_02 3:48

I will. So one of my favorite things.

SPEAKER_03 3:50

But that's only if it's really, really far away. Or raining.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

One of my favorite things on Facebook is this guy, and you should look it up. It's really funny. It's called Cart Narc.

SPEAKER_01 3:59

Oh.

SPEAKER_02 4:00

So he hangs out in parking lots, and when somebody doesn't return his carts, he goes up, hey Lazy Bones. And he just like annoying. Yeah, he goes, Hey Lazy Bones. You you know, he the handicapped woman can't, you know, disabled woman can't get it into the spot. You you you put the card in there where they have to bring their wheelchair. What do you have to say about that, lazy bones?

SPEAKER_03 4:24

I will not do that.

SPEAKER_02 4:25

But he's so annoying, and he's a fast runner because a lot of people chase him, but he sounds like a reasonable chase him? Oh, because people get fierce because because he throws uh he throws a magnet on your car that says lazy bones.

SPEAKER_03 4:39

Oh my god. And they're like, That's like the guy. Did you ever see the guy who throws things, fruit and like food at people that are speeding? Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you send me those. Yeah, it's true thing.

SPEAKER_02 4:49

But so he'll go on and on. But like these are like 20, like 10-minute conversations once. And and the men, especially the men, they get so fear. Like it's it's it looks like it's gonna be ugly. Like, like it's really, really funny.

SPEAKER_03 5:03

Imagine the cart narc. Honey, I'm sorry, I got into a fisticuff with the guy because he called me out because I didn't return the cart. And rather than take responsibility for being the well, that's it that happened to me.

SPEAKER_02 5:15

I was like, you got me.

SPEAKER_03 5:16

Right. Like, I would say that too. You know what? You're right. I was an asshole right now. Like, I should have returned the cart.

SPEAKER_01 5:21

Yeah, but uh, it's really funny.

SPEAKER_03 5:22

You're 100% right. I got busted.

SPEAKER_01 5:24

Yeah, no, it's great.

SPEAKER_03 5:25

Wow. That's crazy to me, the person that would start a fight with somebody else over calling them out on something like that. But that's our society. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 5:33

How about people not that they're late, but they show up exactly on time instead of a little bit earlier.

SPEAKER_03 5:42

So, okay, so that's too that's like that's a I'm gonna have a hard time answering that. Yeah, that's a only because I have high expectations for you. And sometimes they're unrealistic. Like, and sometimes I'm late, even though I think late is unacceptable. There are some I I I mean, and and for whatever reason, I am late also, and as I've gotten older, I've gotten worse. So on time all the time, I would say, is not a red flag.

SPEAKER_02 6:13

Exactly on time. Yeah, I agree.

SPEAKER_03 6:15

I would say it's a green flag. Like, I mean, they're conscientious of your time. Right. If they were five minutes late every time, that would piss me off. That I would have a problem with because if you're consistently five minutes late, leave five minutes earlier.

SPEAKER_02 6:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:30

That's an easy one.

SPEAKER_02 6:31

No, I agree with that. I mean, and there we're talking about a little bit before, but there are people that I actually make plans with that I know that the plans will never happen.

SPEAKER_03 6:42

Okay, so we have to add, like, is this I this was crazy to me.

SPEAKER_02 6:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 6:46

That you say it again. Say it again.

SPEAKER_02 6:48

I'll make plans with some like I made plans with somebody in high school to do something, and just by the tone of it, and I don't have much history with the guy either. You know what I mean? But just by the tone, I didn't believe that it would come true.

SPEAKER_03 7:01

So you had no reason to believe it wouldn't come true. It was just an instinct thing. It was an instinct. All right, well, that also changes things. Yeah. Wow, you were instinctually.

SPEAKER_02 7:10

I have the opposite too. I have the opposite too. Um and it was his idea.

SPEAKER_03 7:14

But what do you mean? Where you think they won't and they will and they do?

SPEAKER_02 7:17

No, no, I had the opposite where uh it happens all the time.

SPEAKER_03 7:20

Yeah. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:21

Yeah, okay. Yeah, so I had both.

SPEAKER_03 7:22

So then that's also what you're judging it on, too. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:25

It might be a communication with me. If I so if we if i i if I make plans with somebody a week before and we agree a Monday at night, meet at the diner, like for me, there's really shouldn't even be any confirmation. Like I say I got I say and I tell them I got it in the book. Yeah, I'll be there. Right?

SPEAKER_03 7:44

If I say I wrote it in the book also, I wrote it in the book, and you're in my you're in my calendar. It's happening.

SPEAKER_02 7:49

Yeah, it's happening. Right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 7:51

Now, okay.

SPEAKER_02 7:53

But sometimes I lie and say, I'm here, where are you? And what do they say? I'm so sorry. I could be right there. It's like, no, but but I text them like 20 minutes after they're supposed to be.

SPEAKER_03 8:02

And then you say I can't stay any longer.

SPEAKER_02 8:04

Yeah. I I've done that recently with somebody you know.

SPEAKER_03 8:12

I've actually I've done But I'll just say I'm there when I'm really not. I've never done I'm there when I'm not really there, but I have done I can't stay any longer. That's a power thing, too. Like you're I'm not waiting around for you anymore. You messed up, I'm gonna let you eat that one.

SPEAKER_02 8:25

There are times where I left and they showed up a half hour later, and I didn't tell them I left.

SPEAKER_03 8:30

Well, I don't think they deserve to be told that you left. I really don't think they deserve that. If they're a half hour, 45 minutes late without a text.

SPEAKER_02 8:37

I think I've went off on people. No, they don't see it. Like I've gone off on people.

SPEAKER_03 8:41

Wait, but I can we stop before Did Is there ever anybody that just flat out just didn't happen? And have you said anything to them about it? Like, hey, where were you? Oh, like so Mike So you say you know that this person wasn't gonna show up, so you made other plans.

SPEAKER_02 8:58

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 8:59

But do you ever call them out? Like, is there ever a time where you never even call them out?

SPEAKER_02 9:03

No, they eventually get around to it, but but there are times where like we're meeting people and they'll be an hour late without telling me.

SPEAKER_03 9:11

Yeah, I know. That's what's disgusting.

SPEAKER_02 9:12

It it has happened and I blow the floor. Well, right. You will I have. Like like like that could be the end of the friendship.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

Oh, yeah. I mean I would imagine one time.

SPEAKER_02 9:25

It could be like that's it.

SPEAKER_03 9:26

I've never been on that, or I've never even witnessed that side of you, that Rob. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:31

Um I can be kind of.

SPEAKER_03 9:33

Oh, I'm sure. I mean, I know I can be also. Yeah. You could cut a bitch down on their knees, right? Yeah, so can I. Yeah. Right there. Down, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 9:43

I I the person you don't want to, I don't want to say mess with is the person that doesn't need anybody to be happy. Because and it's actually a very difficult thing.

SPEAKER_03 9:54

So that leads to your validation one.

SPEAKER_02 9:58

Which one?

SPEAKER_03 9:59

I forgot which one uh whether a person who needs constant validation, red flag or green flag. That's a flat out red flag for me.

SPEAKER_02 10:07

It happens to guys a lot. I don't know if it's a good thing. I'm sure it happens.

SPEAKER_03 10:09

No, it happens to women. It happens. There are many women who need constant validation from their women friends. Okay. Definitely. Yeah, and I won't. Definitely. I won't. Guys don't, right?

unknown 10:19

No.

SPEAKER_03 10:19

As a rule, not usually.

SPEAKER_02 10:21

Guys are um guys are funny. We talk each other up a lot.

SPEAKER_03 10:25

Like, like And you and I were talking about this the other day. That I find that women don't talk each other up enough. Yeah, yeah, guys like Women do not tend to initially I don't want to generalize it, but in my life, right, I have not seen an overabundance of women who lift each other up.

SPEAKER_02 10:47

Yeah, I know.

SPEAKER_03 10:48

Who go out of their. I'm not saying that if you see somebody and they're wearing a new outfit or a pretty or they got that, you say, Oh, you look great. No, I'm talking about like taking a moment and saying, wow, I saw whatever, whatever. That was fantastic. Like you're doing a great job. Like whatever it may be, it's it's not as prevalent as I find that it's like.

SPEAKER_02 11:08

Yeah, I gotta say, like the few people I have in my life, guy friends, right? They do that. Yes. Yeah, they do that. But even the way you look sometimes too. Like, if a guy friend looks in and you got it looks sharp, right? I said, Man, it must be nice being you. Yeah. Look at you.

SPEAKER_03 11:23

I also find that I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_02 11:24

And they they enjoy the Of course.

SPEAKER_03 11:27

Who doesn't love an unsolicited?

SPEAKER_02 11:30

Why do you think women don't do that? Like, like as much as I've been.

SPEAKER_03 11:33

I was talking actually, I had a whole conversation with a woman that I work with today because she does all the time.

SPEAKER_02 11:38

Okay. She's the first- You have a lot of supporters.

SPEAKER_03 11:41

I I do have a lot of supporters.

SPEAKER_02 11:43

I see on your social media. I do.

SPEAKER_03 11:45

I do have a lot of but I also know a lot of people who will not even like a post or you know, like um, but I know they see it.

SPEAKER_01 11:57

Yeah, yeah. Oh no, do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_03 12:00

So it's like they're purposely not.

SPEAKER_01 12:01

Yeah, right, right.

SPEAKER_03 12:02

Um I why do I think they don't? So I was talking to the woman that I work with today who I said she are and I it's funny, I worked, I worked with her sister too, and both of them are so complimentary. And I actually worked with their mom as well, which is pretty crazy in three separate schools. And um I know why. Because their mom, like their I didn't know their dad, I don't know their dad, but I did I know their mom, and she's very complimentary, like very quick to lift somebody up. You're doing fantastic, you're amazing, you know, whatever any of the teachers in the building. Like it was, she was just that person. And I said, What do you think it is? And she was like, I don't know, you think it's a jealousy? And I was like, I don't know that it's necessarily a jealousy. Jealousy is like I I want to say like envy a little bit more, and not envy that they want that, but envy of having the bulls to go out and do something, take a risk, right? Um, juggle a million different things. Because you you even said like you get those comments where you're you're all over the place. Wow, you're everywhere on social media, right? Like that's a double, that's that's back in comments. Right, like like I have right, right. Like, how do you make it work?

SPEAKER_02 13:16

Like these are the people who make those comments. They're like they're you know, they're they're never like completely there. When you're completely there a lot, you know, you can get a lot done.

SPEAKER_03 13:26

R and right, right. I'm not judging anybody. No, neither am I. I I just but I I don't know any other way. So like that's my like I don't know how to answer people when they say, like, oh, you're everywhere, or oh, how do you get everything done?

SPEAKER_02 13:37

You're you know, you I didn't have this much time.

SPEAKER_03 13:40

I I don't know. I have the same 24 hours in the day as everybody else. I just manage my time differently, or my priorities are different, like, and that's okay.

SPEAKER_02 13:47

Yeah, I mean that's just a weird I'm up early too. So I'm this morning. I was like on the computer at 5 a.m.

SPEAKER_03 13:54

Right, right, 4 50. I'm up. My alarm goes on and it doesn't even go off anymore. I I hit it, I hit snooze before it even goes off because or off before it goes off. I'm up. So my clock is 4 50.

SPEAKER_02 14:05

Yeah, so women be nice to each other. Really?

SPEAKER_03 14:07

Lift each other up because you know what? Not for nothing, like you need each other. Yeah, there's so much against everybody, not just women, men too. Like, if it would it kill you to like throw a little, hey, you're doing great at somebody who feels like they might need it, you know?

SPEAKER_02 14:24

Like and even women's sports, I tell you, like the WNBA is getting a lot better.

SPEAKER_03 14:29

They are, and I and I but they don't get enough credit.

SPEAKER_02 14:31

I watch it, but women don't support them.

SPEAKER_03 14:33

I know.

SPEAKER_02 14:34

So they complain about like they're not getting paid enough. It's because women aren't supporting them.

SPEAKER_00 14:39

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 14:40

If women brought their daughters there and threw out the stadium, you know what I mean? Or you know, dads dads do bring their daughters down, like if you watch the games, you'll see if more women did like support each other, but it's it's a lot of fun. But yeah, it's just all right.

SPEAKER_03 14:55

Bring on the next red flag or green flag.

SPEAKER_02 14:57

Okay, here we go. So now we're gonna go into personality and self-awareness.

SPEAKER_03 15:02

All right.

SPEAKER_02 15:03

When people say, I'm brutally honest.

SPEAKER_03 15:06

Like out of the blue, not you know, unsolicited, I'm I'm brutally honest. And then are they lobbing like an insult at you afterwards?

SPEAKER_02 15:15

No, no. It's it's like they're setting the tone so you understand that they're an asshole? What they're about.

SPEAKER_03 15:22

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 15:23

Yeah, yeah. It's it's like it's like people saying, I tell I tell it like it is.

SPEAKER_03 15:28

All right, so I'm gonna say that I've said that before. I have 100% said I'm I'm very honest and up front, sometimes to a fault. I have said that as well. Um but I don't say I'm brutally honest, like, but I'm also not brutally honest. Like I won't really I won't hurt somebody's feelings. So I think somebody who says I'm brutally honest, and especially if they're saying it in that like arrogant sort of tone, it's a red flag to you.

SPEAKER_02 15:56

It's a big red flag. Yeah, totally. Yeah, yeah, it's a big because whatever you are, you don't have to tell people that you are. Right, we've talked about that too.

SPEAKER_03 16:05

Like those people who have to shout what they are, right? There's a fr they're fronters.

SPEAKER_02 16:09

Yeah, they're fronters. Exactly, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:11

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:11

Yeah. I stay away from those people.

SPEAKER_03 16:13

Yeah, you have to. And this is to tell me how much money you have.

SPEAKER_02 16:16

Oh, oh, that's coming up. Shh, that one's coming up. How about people that say I hate drama?

SPEAKER_03 16:25

They are usually the winners of the best actress in a motion picture award.

SPEAKER_02 16:34

I agree.

SPEAKER_03 16:35

Usually.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 16:36

Those are the usual. That's a red flag.

SPEAKER_02 16:37

Whatever you are, if you truly are, you don't have to tell anybody. Exactly. They'll figure it out.

SPEAKER_03 16:42

Exactly. Right?

SPEAKER_02 16:44

I like a little drama.

SPEAKER_01 16:45

I like a little bit.

SPEAKER_02 16:47

I like stirring it up a little bit, you know, it's fun.

SPEAKER_03 16:50

We all sort of, yeah, like you don't or at least, you know, listening to the pop being stirred is also being a voyeur of pop stirring is fun too sometimes. To say that you, you know, to come out and like clarify it before anybody even asks you, 100% red flag.

SPEAKER_02 17:06

It's it's funny. My wife Gina, she hates, she does hate drama, but she loves it on our reality shows.

SPEAKER_03 17:13

Yes. You know what? My sister's the exact same way. My sister loves those also. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 17:18

Yeah, yeah, that's it.

SPEAKER_03 17:19

Might be because it's contained, right?

SPEAKER_02 17:20

And it's on a screen, and it doesn't cost her. This is like a total shit show. Yes.

SPEAKER_03 17:25

And it's a no-brainer.

SPEAKER_02 17:26

Yeah. How about people that apologize for everything? I get into that zone, I kick myself out of it. It's very weak.

SPEAKER_03 17:35

Okay, so then I uh okay, I see it from two different perspectives. It is a very ADHD thing. Okay. Apologizing, excessive apologizing is a very, very ADHD characteristic. I don't excessively apologize apologize, but my daughter does.

SPEAKER_01 17:53

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 17:54

All the time. And I say to her, once that's it.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 17:59

You don't have to apologize more than once as long as it was a meaningful apology and they heard you. Like don't grovel for somebody's forgiveness. Like you apologize once and that's it. And if they at that point, it's literally out of your hands. So I that it is depending on who it's coming from, I think it's also a sign of weakness. It's an insecurity thing, too, though. It's definitely an insecurity thing.

SPEAKER_02 18:23

I gotta be careful with that actually once in a while. But only with women, not guys. I have to kind of be careful with that a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 18:28

As far as apologizing too much?

SPEAKER_02 18:31

Yeah, yeah, yeah. About things I shouldn't have to do. That's what that's the thing. Like, are you apologizing? I don't do it anymore, but I caught myself.

SPEAKER_03 18:40

And I also sometimes feel as though apologies are for things that were meant to I mean, I obviously you're gonna say, I'm sorry if you, you know, bumped into somebody or things like that. But like why why are you gonna over apologize if you didn't mean to do the thing that you that you did? Like you made a mistake.

SPEAKER_02 19:03

Yeah. Yeah, no, I agree. Sometimes you do it to people who are just too overly sensitive too. How about people that uh we might be guilty of this?

SPEAKER_03 19:14

Okay, I'll admit it. I will admit it.

SPEAKER_02 19:22

A little bit. I like that. Um when I said we're like a little I mean that in a funny way.

SPEAKER_03 19:31

I well we think when we go on our rants and we think that everybody else has issues and it's just yes. Yes, I I agree with you on that.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

I think I'm really the problem.

SPEAKER_03 19:45

I don't know. I mean, I I don't when I hear that, it makes me think of that coworker who we all got blamed for things because and she's the first person who runs around saying, Nobody else does their job. I'm the only one who does my job, blah, blah, blah, blah. I'm not doing it anymore. No, well, the minute you stop doing it, we all got in trouble. So who's actually I um I don't say that. I don't think I say that a lot.

SPEAKER_02 20:10

Do I say that a lot? We when we're going on rants. Like we go on rant, we go on some serious.

SPEAKER_03 20:15

I guess there are times where I do I I will not take responsibility for certain things. And I do think that other people Yeah, I okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:24

It's okay to have if I call you out the same.

SPEAKER_03 20:32

I I uh I mean, I mean, this is really like we're looking in the mirror right now.

SPEAKER_01 20:38

Like people do have to get your shit together. Definitely. Including us, though.

SPEAKER_03 20:43

I mean, really. Like, I got some shit to get together. I'm not gonna throw shade on anybody else. My shit is not fully together. I can absolutely wholeheartedly admit that.

SPEAKER_02 20:52

This one's the same as the first one, kind of. I don't think we have to go over it when people say that's just how I am. You ever get that? Or or I get it in second person. I'll get it where, oh, that's just the way John, you know, John, that's the way uh oh from somebody else.

SPEAKER_03 21:08

Yeah, I guess that's toxic positivity. Yeah, yeah. I don't like that.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

Yeah. Um, isn't that that's how I am? It's kind of like self-awareness or refusal to grow and in fact. It is a red flag. Somebody's saying that.

SPEAKER_03 21:23

Well, it's an inflexibility, right? Like it's just that this is the line in the sand, I'm drawing it, and you better take it. Take it or leave it.

SPEAKER_02 21:29

This drives me a little nuts. Sometimes it's funny and a little quirky, but it's uh no that when people know their flaws, but they don't do anything to change that. That's a tough one to deal with.

SPEAKER_03 21:41

Well uh it is a tough one to deal with, especially I I will I'm gonna up the ante on that one and say when you're the person that they speak to all the time about like issues that that thing causes in their lives, but never choose to actually like a bad marriage fix it. Right. Or Not even a bad marriage, like even it could be even a bad job, like like or or or you know, um my house is so messy, like or I have so much laundry, it could be something so simple like that. Then take a day and do your laundry or like clean your house and hire, you know. I mean, if you can hire somebody to come once, clean it, and you start from the you know, like so, yeah, so those types of things I I if you're not gonna help yourself, but you're gonna continuously talk to me about it, yeah. That's where my that's where my patience wears thing because I'm all for it and I'll be there for you to talk about anything.

SPEAKER_00 22:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 22:38

But if you're talking just to hear yourself talk and it's the same issue every time, and it's something easy to fix, then that's annoying to me.

SPEAKER_02 22:45

Before I had this office, I I used to go to Panera and work and uh like use that as my office, and there was always a group of people who were sitting there for like I I was there for five hours working. Right, yeah, it was a group of stay-at-home parents that would just sit around a table. No, so I said parents, you can't call me a sexist.

SPEAKER_00 23:02

Nope.

SPEAKER_02 23:03

And uh they used to just complain how busy they are and have they have no time for anything.

SPEAKER_03 23:08

But they were sitting at Panera.

SPEAKER_02 23:09

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great. It was just it was just fun to to observe that.

SPEAKER_03 23:14

Were their kids there with them?

SPEAKER_02 23:15

No, their kids are in school. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, they just busy. Yeah, and are in their yoga pants because they just got done working out. You know what I mean? It's like the whole the whole thing. It's funny.

SPEAKER_03 23:26

Um people don't see their own hunchbacks, Helen used to say.

unknown 23:31

Helen.

SPEAKER_02 23:32

How about people who say, I've done the work.

SPEAKER_03 23:36

Yeah, you have to explain that to me a little bit more. Because that's a little bit ambiguous. I don't know what that really remains.

SPEAKER_02 23:42

I've done the work, green flag or flag or performance. Mean I've done the work, kind of meaning like, look, I've been in my career for this long. I've done the work. You know what I mean? I don't I don't need to do anymore. I don't need to do more. I've done the work. Like I'm gonna coast now.

SPEAKER_03 23:59

I Oh, faxing it in. I don't fax shit in. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:02

I I I always think that's what it means? I mean, I think that's what kind of means. I I guess when I when you're at this point in my career, I've done the work.

SPEAKER_03 24:09

Okay, is that what it says?

SPEAKER_02 24:10

No, no. I mean, that's how I take it with the.

SPEAKER_03 24:12

I when you first said it to me, I thought it meant like mentally, like like like emotionally, you've done the work on yourself.

SPEAKER_02 24:18

It could be that too.

SPEAKER_03 24:19

But if you're saying it like that, I've definitely heard people say, I've been here forever, I'm not doing shit anymore. Let the young let the youngins do it. Yes, I've heard people. Yeah, that's just an excuse to be lazy. Especially if it's at work.

SPEAKER_02 24:34

Yeah. Okay, let's scroll down a little bit here. Hyper aware of everyone's else's behavior, but blind to their own.

SPEAKER_03 24:43

Oh my god, I do know people that are like that.

SPEAKER_02 24:45

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 24:46

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 24:48

I know a lot of people like that too. And often to me, like, they are usually the people who sets these unrealistic, um unrealistic, what's the word am I looking for? Expectations. Unrealistic expectations of like this moral compass. Right, right. So what I what I realized, I had an epithet the last three days, how I had people in my life that and it came from the last podcast when I s when I told you how certain people our last podcast when how certain people, I think it was our other podcast, how um they hold everything at equal weight. Right. You know what I mean? And I think I had a I went through like a four-year thing where I like talking to these people because they like talking about the things I do, but everything's at an equal weight, and um they had such a high expectation that you would never reach consistently. Like you can never reach their expectation of your moral compass. Yeah. Like, for instance, there are some things that I just don't care. Maybe I should, right? Due process. But if the guy beat his wife, right, and he got kicked out of something, the country or whatever, I don't care. He beat his wife.

SPEAKER_03 26:12

Right, okay, so yes.

SPEAKER_02 26:14

But I'm not gonna stick, I'm not gonna sit there and stick up for somebody that I understand. Regardless, and I'm probably wrong, because it you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 26:21

I mean it's just right or wrong. It's you, it's who you are. Right, right. I mean, who's to say that?

SPEAKER_02 26:27

But there are certain people where that one thing is the line in the sand. Yeah, it's like a Peter's line, who cares? You know, but yeah, but I found that uh um interesting.

SPEAKER_03 26:42

I have found um I have found instances where I do find it fascinating, that line in the sand for people. Some people have a lot of lines in the sand. Well, but or or the person who bends their own moral compass so much, but then has no problem calling somebody else out on something that's not even remotely close to half of the shit they've done.

SPEAKER_00 27:09

Oh, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:10

Right. And then like I because I've had that happen before. And I'm just like, I'm sorry, what?

SPEAKER_01 27:15

Right.

SPEAKER_03 27:15

We're talking about what now? Like, yeah, that's and and actually that was a line in the sand for me.

SPEAKER_00 27:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 27:22

Because I was like, you're you know, I've sort of looked over, you know, like look past a lot of that's and now what?

SPEAKER_02 27:31

Like, yeah, well, I thank you anyway. I talk about that's what happens with me. I uh I let things go go, then I then it just like there's no like gradual like people reading me. That's and that's an ADHD thing.

SPEAKER_03 27:44

And also I I like we've also talked about you and I have talked about it. I can cut someone off very easily. Like it's over. Like I when it's over in my head, it's over in my head. It's just no going back, and it's okay with me.

SPEAKER_02 27:53

It's almost like dopamine rush.

SPEAKER_03 27:55

Um, yeah, like, and and I'm okay, but I can be nice to the person. Oh, me too. Yeah, yeah. I won't hate you because I don't have energy for that anymore. Like it's just not, and you're not worth it to me in my life. Like, I I hated uh some people, like there were a few select people I hate.

SPEAKER_02 28:10

All right. Only a couple questions here.

SPEAKER_03 28:15

What's what's the category now?

SPEAKER_02 28:16

Money and lifestyle.

SPEAKER_03 28:18

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:18

How about people who always openly talk about money? How much their car is so their own money are you talking about?

SPEAKER_03 28:26

People who like their own money go through the list of luxuries or or things, uh assets that they have.

SPEAKER_02 28:31

I f I find people when people do this, it's more of the humble brag.

SPEAKER_03 28:36

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 28:36

Like they'll say, I'm already paying $28,000 in property taxes. How much more do I? That's a humble like people who do that, it's a humble brag, because that shows you how big their house is, what kind of property. Right.

SPEAKER_03 28:47

Without telling you how big their house is. Right, right. It's like show don't tell. Humble brag. I'm showing you how big my house is without coming right out and telling you how big my house is. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Yeah. Humble brags drive me.

SPEAKER_03 28:58

Yeah, they do find them crazy.

SPEAKER_02 29:00

I find them amusing though. Like I enjoy them.

SPEAKER_03 29:02

Do you do you take the bait?

SPEAKER_02 29:05

Oh no, I don't know. Like on purpose. Oh, you no, no. Like do you give up? No, sometimes I if I know them well enough, I'll bust their chops. You know what I mean? I'll be like, well, if you need an extra 80 bucks a month to pay the extra thousand, I'll get I'll I'll help you out if you want. I mean, is it is it like if it's that difficult?

SPEAKER_03 29:24

You know, I I yeah I have learned again that if people have to tell you how much they have, I I don't I don't it's it's of no use to me.

SPEAKER_02 29:36

No, no, I agree. I I if you don't yeah, like the problem with that I find is people don't know their audience. You always talk about it. Well, I always talk about not knowing you audience. If you want to talk about certain things, like for instance, I was at a um I was at a uh like a cousin thing, family thing, and uh there there was a couple that has some siblings that are really, really struggling, right? Like and everybody knows they're struggling, and they wouldn't shut up about their third house. Yeah, you know what I mean, which which I'm happy for you, but like so I'm sweating hearing it because I know they feel like they probably feel like you know, they they they were just kind of like looking like they didn't belong or something like that.

SPEAKER_03 30:18

And in their head they're probably counting how they're gonna get through the next fucking week. No, you're all right, right, exactly.

SPEAKER_02 30:25

And it's it's not that people aren't happy for you, it's just like like I I was like, I felt so bad for these people, bad. It was just like uh I do, I I do.

SPEAKER_03 30:34

I am and besides that, she has all these cult problems, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 30:37

Like she can't even work, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 30:39

Like such a it was such a strange it's such a strange thing when people I do find that um people I also say people are tone deaf.

SPEAKER_02 30:48

Yeah, well that's what it is, it is, it's totally tone deaf.

SPEAKER_03 30:51

Um, and there's an elitist mentality um very often, especially with those people who feel as though they need to constantly count their money in front of everybody. Like but I mean for me, like if you so here's what I say if you feel that you need to get off by showing off to a single mom who's a teacher and works three jobs, yeah, yeah, yeah. More power to you, man, right? Like get off on that. Like, if if if if doing that gets your rocks off for you, I'm all for it. Like, lift yourself up, man, if that's what it takes.

SPEAKER_02 31:35

We we we we talked about this a few times, but that's the difference between old money and new money. New money talks about it. Old money very you're humble. I also think it's like four that four generation of money.

SPEAKER_03 31:48

So don't you also think that very often, well, I guess not. I was gonna say, do you feel also the way that the money was acquired also has an effect on the braggingness? I don't not as much as the bragginess, not as much as you think.

SPEAKER_02 32:03

Yeah, yeah. Okay, yeah. I mean, for me, yeah. So one of my favorite types of marketing, and I got a book up there, is marketing to the affluent.

SPEAKER_03 32:11

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 32:11

And there's different types of affluent. You know, the guy, the pe the family making a f you know, $400,000 a year, and then there are people who um um that next level that they fly first class, then there's ultra affluent who takes private jets or private jets once in a while, or their friends have private jets, yachts, and that's a circle. And uh it's interesting, like people who have gates in front of their house, right? It's not for security. It's because the guy who's make the family making 400 grand don't have gates in front of their house.

SPEAKER_03 32:44

So it's to set them apart.

SPEAKER_02 32:47

Yeah, yeah. That's that's what all a lot of that stuff is, according to the book. So what the what the book would say is, and like just say like portrait photographers could average in a nice area, believe it or not, fifteen thousand dollars a sale.

SPEAKER_03 32:59

That's that I believe very, very yes, that exists.

SPEAKER_02 33:03

Now, the people who have private jets, they're only gonna hire somebody who charges fifteen thousand because they know the guy making four hundred thousand ain't gonna pay for it, right? So, so it's all a separate a separation thing. But I have to say, that type of money they do look for a value like family portraits.

SPEAKER_03 33:23

Who the fifteen thousand dollar person?

SPEAKER_02 33:26

Yeah, right, right, right, and they won't, but they don't because I've worked with them, they don't brag about it. They're they're they're so respectful to the help, whether if you're the the the mate, the maid or the the roofer or because you go to their house, there's 20 workers over there houses all that time. There's there's always somebody working on something, you know, even that middle range. But uh yeah, it's that so I think it's a new money thing. Yeah, yeah. Notice it. Try to notice it, yeah. But um, okay. Always picks the cheapest option. How about that?

SPEAKER_03 34:03

That's a red flag.

SPEAKER_02 34:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:05

Um, I've always been taught no matter what, you never pick the box.

SPEAKER_02 34:09

Yeah, it's like the middle, right?

SPEAKER_03 34:11

Always pick at least the middle, if not the upper middle, like especially for quality stuff, right? So that's that's a red flag to me.

SPEAKER_02 34:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 34:18

In like the cheapness and quality, like not even money-wise, like just the quality. Like you clearly don't. If you're taking the cheapest every single time, no matter what it is, then you have no concept of quality to me.

SPEAKER_02 34:31

What's one thing you never buy the cheapest then?

SPEAKER_03 34:34

Well, I I can tell you I bought all of my appliance. Actually, when I did my whole entire house over, not one thing was the bottom. Yeah. Even my toilet, when I replaced, I made sure it was at least the middle.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 34:47

Even the tile on my floor, even my backsplashes. I was like, all right, what's the lowest? That's not what I'm taking.

SPEAKER_02 34:52

For me, it's food. I never buy the cheapest chicken.

SPEAKER_03 34:55

Oh, that's yeah. But yeah. But I I buy I only buy kosher.

SPEAKER_02 35:02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 35:02

Oh, yeah, I will only buy kosher meat. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 35:05

Oh, he must miss acme in Milltown now.

SPEAKER_03 35:07

Uh no, ShopRite has a good one. Oh, I did. Yeah, and then I'll just go to Highland Park actually.

SPEAKER_02 35:11

I used to act me and buy the kosher too. Yeah, I used to buy it when they used to go to Acme a little bit. Better quality.

SPEAKER_03 35:16

It is.

SPEAKER_02 35:17

Yeah. How about people that calls everybody toxic? You ever get any of those?

SPEAKER_03 35:22

It calls everybody else toxic. Uh I don't, I haven't really, but I would imagine that I would think it's a red flag. 100%. I don't know that I've ever known somebody who excessively calls people toxic.

SPEAKER_01 35:36

Right.

SPEAKER_03 35:37

I've known toxic people.

SPEAKER_02 35:38

Sure.

SPEAKER_03 35:39

A lot of them.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

How about the therapy people who think uh who brags about therapy and and thinks it fixes everything?

SPEAKER_03 35:48

Like oh, like my therapist this, my therapist said this.

SPEAKER_02 35:51

Is that like people who who just brag that they go to therapy kind of thing?

SPEAKER_03 35:56

I'm all for therapy, anyway. I mean, I've been in therapy many, many times.

SPEAKER_01 36:00

I've been in a third of my life.

SPEAKER_03 36:02

Yeah, it's definitely. Um, but I don't believe, unless it's with certain people, like your family members, if you're having a conversation about certain things, by all means, you could say my therapist, whatever.

SPEAKER_02 36:13

But telling just a random person like where it's a big part of the conversation.

SPEAKER_03 36:19

Well, I told you, remember the date that I went on, and the guy said my therapist told me that's a red flag. You got a lot of shit for that. I know I did.

SPEAKER_02 36:26

That was our first semi-viral video. It was I should I should redo that one.

SPEAKER_03 36:31

Wait a minute. I did because I said that he people said that he it should actually, that's very interesting. Yeah, they didn't a lot of the people did not think it was a red flag. Right. I thought it was a red flag, and I it scared the shit out of me.

SPEAKER_00 36:44

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 36:44

Everybody came at me saying that it wasn't. He should you should be glad he's working on his feelings. Blah blah blah. No, not on the first date, man. I don't know y'all. Yes.

SPEAKER_02 36:55

There I look at it like there's a quote by Charles Bukowski. He's like a 1950 B poet, and he's and he always said, you know, beware, be beware of certain types of people. And he was like, beware of the people that are ashamed that they're poor or brag about it. And it's it's the same thing about therapy. Yeah, like like they're proud. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 37:19

Like it's just you know, it should just be part. If it's part of your life, it should just be part of your life. I agree with you. Certain things, again, we've talked about certain things should be sacred to you. Like not everything needs to be skyrighted around, you know, across planet Earth.

SPEAKER_02 37:33

Not as a badge of honor. But that's what I mean.

SPEAKER_03 37:36

Like there's a time and a place for certain things. Definitely.

SPEAKER_02 37:39

How about people that blame everything on their ADHD and anxiety? I don't know if you know anybody like that.

SPEAKER_03 37:50

I don't only blame it on my ADHD. I don't have anxiety, so I can't blame it on anxiety. Thankfully, I'm not plagued with anxiety because I see it firsthand with my daughter.

SPEAKER_02 37:59

Disaster.

SPEAKER_03 38:00

But I have blamed things on my ADHD, and I will, to the camera, admit that I have also blamed it on chemo brain.

SPEAKER_02 38:11

Yeah, yeah. Well, that's scientifically proven. It is scientifically proven.

SPEAKER_03 38:14

Literally, chemo fried my brain. I am not kidding you when I tell you that I have not been able to watch a full series.

SPEAKER_02 38:21

Right after that.

SPEAKER_03 38:23

Yes. I have What year was that? It was 10 years ago exactly. Well, no, it was 11. Now it's almost so my first chemo was September, the first week of September 2015. So it's a little over 10 years.

SPEAKER_00 38:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 38:37

And I literally have not been able to watch a series fully since. Wow. I stopped. You know that I love and then I don't watch the last episode.

SPEAKER_02 38:48

Oh, really? Don't you?

SPEAKER_03 38:49

Do you know how many finales I don't watch? I don't, I, I try I just drop off. Or the last season. Like I'm waiting, I'm waiting, I'm waiting. And then if you have more than like a six-month hiatus, I'm over it. I'm done. I've moved on. I don't, my bandwidth is gone. I don't even remember half of what was in the series, so you're not getting me back.

SPEAKER_02 39:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:09

And that is definitely from chemo. I will absolutely I that there's no doubt about that.

SPEAKER_02 39:14

That started with me with short form reels. Once once the short form reel started, man, my my tension.

SPEAKER_03 39:20

Yeah, I mean, it could be that too, but no, it was chemo for me because it was it was uh 11 years ago.

SPEAKER_02 39:27

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 39:27

Like I remember it.

SPEAKER_02 39:28

Right.

SPEAKER_03 39:29

I just couldn't focus.

SPEAKER_02 39:30

Yeah, that's why I was asking him when we're talking about it. Yeah, it was about a little bit. Sometimes it's a little quarter, yeah. There might be. But I don't think there no, not if it was 10 years ago. Yeah, it was. Short form content was in the like what do you say, like five years ago?

SPEAKER_03 39:40

Short term or short? Yeah, no, no, it's definitely even longer than that, without a doubt. Definitely way before the pandemic.

SPEAKER_02 39:48

Did do we talk about validation already? Yes. Yeah, okay. This I don't know, it just is the same one. Needs validation on social media. That's pretty much the same thing, right?

SPEAKER_03 39:56

So it's and it's very similar to like the vape. Remember we talked about vague booking? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those people who just post breadcrumbs and don't tell you what's wrong.

SPEAKER_02 40:03

Right.

SPEAKER_03 40:04

And then you're just like, oh my god, I'm praying for you. I hope everything is okay.

SPEAKER_02 40:07

How about people that says I'm protecting my peace?

SPEAKER_03 40:11

Right. I've never said that.

SPEAKER_02 40:12

No, no.

SPEAKER_03 40:13

Um, I've never been protecting my own piece.

SPEAKER_02 40:16

I told Rachel before they say, every time that we have I do these, she thinks I'm accusing her of things. So instead of saying red flag, green flag, she's saying, I never do that.

SPEAKER_03 40:27

I do. And I spent the whole entire time right away, not even saying red flag, green flag. I go, Do I do that?

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:33

I've also, there was a couple of them that I made him ask me beforehand, and then I say, Do I do that? So I yeah, I listen, I listen, I can see some of my hunchbacks. Not all of them, but I do see some of them. I will admit it.

SPEAKER_02 40:46

But uh, yeah, so that was the last one for those. All right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 40:53

What would you say should be the biggest red flag for a guy to a woman?

SPEAKER_02 41:03

A guy like something the guy's doing?

SPEAKER_03 41:05

No, some like for a guy to say, oh, that's a red flag for a woman. Like, don't stay away from that. Like if you had a friend who was dating and you were like, just make sure that if you ever come across this person.

SPEAKER_02 41:18

Oh, you're not gonna like this.

SPEAKER_03 41:19

Uh-oh.

SPEAKER_02 41:20

Yeah, you're not gonna like this one.

SPEAKER_03 41:22

Are you thinking about how to say it?

SPEAKER_02 41:25

No, you're not gonna like it because it goes it goes against me too. Uh a woman has a lot more guy friends than women friends.

SPEAKER_03 41:34

Interesting.

SPEAKER_02 41:35

Yeah, that would be a red flag.

SPEAKER_03 41:37

I don't have more guy friends than I do women friends.

SPEAKER_02 41:41

Right, right.

SPEAKER_03 41:42

Uh I have at one point.

SPEAKER_02 41:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_03 41:45

But not um, but that was when I was I'm about even.

SPEAKER_02 41:48

I have more guy friends, I guess. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 41:50

I no, I definitely have more girlfriends. I I I mean, I have guy acquaintances.

SPEAKER_02 41:54

Or who have a lot of guy friends. You're right. You said the right word, acquaintances. Acquaintance. I I have more acquaintances.

SPEAKER_03 42:00

I have a guy, I have a lot of guy acquaintances. Um, but I don't know that I would ever there are a lot of guys, but but they're from my past. Like at some point in my life, they were very important. You know, like I even, it's funny, there's a guy in East Brunswick, he was my semi formal date. Right. And we it we just were always really, really close, you know, up until probably I don't know, the middle of college. And he lives in East Brunswick. And like I just had a question, and it's so nice to be able to just text.

SPEAKER_02 42:29

I don't count those people. So like I have a lot of those friends. I don't I don't count them at they're more like family. Like, I don't know.

SPEAKER_03 42:37

I guess they are more like there's a lot of history there, yeah. Like, um then I don't think I have guy friends.

SPEAKER_02 42:43

If there's not if there's not a lot of history, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_03 42:46

Then I don't have just guy friends.

SPEAKER_02 42:48

No. Okay.

SPEAKER_03 42:49

Any guy friend that's in my phone right now, I've either worked with like for a good amount of time, or I had like a good friendship with for a long time at some point.

SPEAKER_02 43:02

So how about you? Reverse it.

SPEAKER_03 43:04

Okay, so well, I mean, I I can tell you, um, what would I tell a girl? What would I tell myself about dating or a like a red flag with a man?

SPEAKER_02 43:19

Um that's a tough one. It is a tough one.

SPEAKER_03 43:24

You know, it's funny. I I I saw a reel that Alex Earle posted uh today, or I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

Oh god.

SPEAKER_03 43:30

I know, I know a lot of drama going on with the house. But and I'm not really even sure when it was from now that I think about it. She was talking about a date she had just gone on.

SPEAKER_01 43:40

Right.

SPEAKER_03 43:40

And she said that um he had he planned nothing.

SPEAKER_01 43:45

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 43:46

And he picked her up, and like she was like, Oh, or he to he said he was gonna pick her up at 2 30. He didn't get there till 3 30 and he didn't make dinner reservations until 7 30. And she was like, I don't even know you. What the hell are we doing for four hours? Hours and then they wound up driving around doing nothing. So I think the reason I'm telling you this is that my biggest red flag, and what that leads me to, is that the person has very little passion. And I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 44:15

I make I don't I think she's copping out a little bit.

SPEAKER_03 44:19

That I am? No, because no passion to me is my red flag.

SPEAKER_02 44:22

Right.

SPEAKER_03 44:23

If you're not passionate about something, that's a red flag. If there's not one thing in your life that you're passionate about, no, I agree with that. So like I broke up with somebody because they were not passionate. Because there wasn't anything in their lives that they could actually like go bowls to the wall about. Like if you can't even make a fucking decision about where we're going for dinner on your own and you need me for it, that's a red flag to me. So I think that's what I'm saying. Like that's the passion.

SPEAKER_02 44:50

It's the have you ever warned anybody about a red flag?

SPEAKER_03 44:53

Have I ever warned anybody? Um like a friend and said there's a red flag.

SPEAKER_01 44:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 44:58

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:59

Oh, really? Oh, yeah. Oh, look at you.

SPEAKER_03 45:01

Yes, I have.

SPEAKER_01 45:02

Wow.

SPEAKER_03 45:03

Mm-hmm. Be wary. Be yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:05

Oh.

SPEAKER_03 45:06

I I've also like said but I it depends on the relationship too. Like I bet I because very often you're the person that gets burned when you warn somebody.

SPEAKER_02 45:14

Oh, yeah, absolutely. Right?

SPEAKER_03 45:15

So that's a that's a double-edged sword.

SPEAKER_02 45:17

Yeah. I had somebody the other day, her friend was dating somebody. She knows like I'm good at chat GPT and stuff, and uh uh her friend my my friend felt that her friend was getting scammed with the guy, right? Because he he would pay everything in cash. You know what I mean? It was just these weird things. Like if dinner was $150, it would be cash. It would be it would be he was trying to move in with her. Oh I I would he was love bombing her. Right, yeah, right, right, right. He was love bombing her.

SPEAKER_03 45:54

That's that's what that is.

SPEAKER_02 45:56

So I did some Google and Interesting and he actually showed up on some things like beware of this guy. And it Wait, what did it say? It was something like What did he show up on in Facebook? No, it was it was like it was just like Google, like like a weird sight, and I found it. It was a little vague, but then other people were speculating of what it could be. Right. Like another woman posted it. What it was is they try for some reason, they try to get their mail delivered at your house, and he was trying to do that. And then from there, it's like they swindle and getting a mortgage, or like it was this whole thing. Yeah. It was this whole thing. And this person always bugs me with stupid shit, like, you know, look up, but this one was actually uh somewhat legit. Yeah, yeah. So so they try they love it. But that that that was the word that came up. It was love bombing. Love bombing. Yeah, yeah. Yes, love bombing.

SPEAKER_03 47:01

Uh Bethany Frankel talks about love bombing. Beware of the love bomber. Yeah, they are a red flag. Yeah. That person who love bombs you right off the bat, the person who just flowers who do who showers you with flowers and really, really expensive dinners right away, and like a trip somewhere right away, like before you even have like the established relationship, that's a red flag.

SPEAKER_02 47:23

Right, right. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:24

And he wouldn't have you can't sustain something.

SPEAKER_02 47:26

But there was no or he could have been married too at the same time. Because that's why you didn't want any paper trail. Uh paying cash for everything. Oh, that's interesting. I mean, who pays cash for everything, you know, now. Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 47:38

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 47:39

Yeah. That was that that was a fun moment.

SPEAKER_03 47:42

Have you ever have you ever told anybody they were being cheated on?

SPEAKER_02 47:49

No. But someone once asked me if they were being cheated on. Right. And I didn't respond. I was I w it happened. So my kids are in a fucking NICU.

SPEAKER_03 48:07

Oh jeez. That's a bad timing. Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 48:11

Third day in, two and a half pounds.

SPEAKER_03 48:14

And somebody asked you whether or not their person was cheating?

SPEAKER_02 48:18

Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 48:18

They thought that was a good time.

SPEAKER_02 48:20

They thought that was a good time. And I didn't do I just didn't answer, right?

SPEAKER_03 48:26

Who has the fucking bandwidth to even have that kind of drama in your head right now?

SPEAKER_02 48:30

Like third day in the next.

SPEAKER_03 48:31

Oh my goodness.

SPEAKER_02 48:32

The kids might not make it at that point. Right.

SPEAKER_03 48:34

Like, what kind of relationship did you have with this person?

SPEAKER_02 48:36

Oh, really good. Yeah. Okay. With the guy. Right. Really good. Yeah, yeah. And then we ended up s not talking for like ten years or eight years after that because I didn't have a quick enough answer. Yeah. Like we were.

SPEAKER_03 48:53

Wait, the person stopped talking to you because you didn't answer to the other side. The other person.

SPEAKER_02 48:57

Yeah. Yeah. The wife asked me. I wasn't friends with the wife.

unknown 49:01

Wow.

SPEAKER_02 49:01

Yeah. You might hear this. Sorry, brother. Okay. But yeah, wild, right?

SPEAKER_03 49:07

That is wild.

SPEAKER_02 49:08

But it was weird because there wasn't any like understanding from my side.

SPEAKER_00 49:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:16

Look, I get over things. We're buddies now, we talk. All right.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:22

Whatever, man. I needed a break from everybody back then, you know.

SPEAKER_03 49:26

Well, that's certainly a way to get it.

SPEAKER_02 49:28

How about you? Whatever happened to you. Yes. Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 49:30

Yes. Um, not not that I I um I I discovered a triangle.

SPEAKER_01 49:38

Oh, really?

SPEAKER_03 49:38

Yes. And it involved people very, very, very close to me. Yeah. I I almost don't want to say it because they might watch this, right? So um, but it was it it do I know? No, it's not people from around here, but it it could have had major consequences for my family too.

SPEAKER_01 50:04

Oh, really? Yeah.

SPEAKER_03 50:06

And I had to I had to say something.

SPEAKER_01 50:09

Oh, jeez.

SPEAKER_03 50:10

I had no choice. And you know what? I'm so glad I did because everybody that was involved in that situation is happily with the people that they should be with now.

SPEAKER_02 50:22

Oh, right, I got you.

SPEAKER_03 50:23

And they would not have been.

SPEAKER_02 50:24

So they left each other.

SPEAKER_03 50:26

Um, yes, like the the people, the yes, the original couple of the person like the the couple that included the cheater broke up. Okay. And the cheater went with the person that he was cheating with, and they've been together ever since.

SPEAKER_02 50:44

These reels pop up on my Facebook, and uh it's actually the eyes on EB, so you might see them once in a while too. I don't know how that works, but um I forgot the name of the radio show. It's like in Rhode Island or something, but they have a Oh they call the they catch cheaters, right?

SPEAKER_03 50:59

I know.

SPEAKER_02 51:00

The War of the Roses. Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_03 51:02

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:02

But sometimes they'll call both both people who they think are cheating and have the.

SPEAKER_03 51:08

Wait, did you send me the one the other day of um she was caught with the uh disease and they were oh no, I saw something the UTI? Where she was like, You have to come in and get tested.

SPEAKER_01 51:19

Oh no, no, no, that wasn't.

SPEAKER_03 51:20

So I saw one where there was a girl who's a nurse and her best friend was cheated on.

SPEAKER_00 51:25

Right.

SPEAKER_03 51:25

And um she called, the nurse called the husband and said, somebody came in and gave your name to be tested because they tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease. Oh god. And the guy was like, Well, who was it? And she goes, I can't let you know that information because of HIPAA. And he goes, Well, how do you know it was me? And she said, Because she gave your name in a list of, by the way, multiple partners. And he was freaking out. And he was like, Wait a minute, I'm on a list with multiple partners. And she was like, Yes, you are. Oh and he goes, Well, how do you know I'm gonna get it? And she said, Because it's highly contagious, and I don't know for sure that you'll get it, but it's all scared. It was all oh, they were messing with him totally. It was so great, yeah. That's great, so great, yeah, yeah. He's I mean, he was totally in it too. Like he was scared shit. Like, and the whole video, the best friend is sitting there crimping her hair while she's totally messing with him. She's like, Yes, you definitely can get it. Like, and you know, she's just nonchalantly getting ready in the morning, and he's like, How do you know I'm gonna get him? Freaking out, like as the world is ending.

SPEAKER_02 52:40

The war of the roses, they have it, where uh they they'll call up when they're trying to catch the guy, they call up the guy to see where he'll send roses to.

SPEAKER_03 52:49

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:51

You want you want free roses? You just have to ask ask two questions. Are you planning on buying roses uh you know within the next six months? No, have you bought them in the last six months? No. You you want the roses. Where would you like them sent to? So you say no? What's that?

SPEAKER_03 53:07

You have to say no, no, they answered. They make sure you get them anyway.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

Yeah, and then the wife is uh the uh the other lie.

SPEAKER_03 53:14

And does she say anything?

SPEAKER_02 53:15

Oh, yeah, at the end after they screw up.

SPEAKER_03 53:17

She says you're busted, yeah. Like something, like you're you know, you're added or whatever.

SPEAKER_02 53:21

Yeah, yeah. And then uh it gets pretty uh but then that the guy's always like, why are you trying to screw up just put around shit like that?

SPEAKER_03 53:31

And then there you have somebody who refuses to take any kind of responsibility. Yeah, you wouldn't be on the war of the roses if you weren't giving your stick somewhere else.

SPEAKER_02 53:41

Sometimes it's like he's cheating on the wife's sister. With the wife's sister. Like, like it's wild.

SPEAKER_03 53:48

Yeah, I mean, I've heard some crazy stories over the years, also. So not only you lose all the time. Yeah, like that's a double. What do you do there? And then you break up a marriage and a family.

SPEAKER_02 53:56

There was one today.

SPEAKER_03 53:57

Oh my god, I couldn't imagine that. That's horrible.

SPEAKER_02 53:59

It was funny. The one I watched today.

SPEAKER_03 54:00

Why you got a shit where you eat?

SPEAKER_02 54:01

The one I watched today was uh uh the guy goes, uh, I'm not dating her. We're just hanging out. What's the difference? Well, they're just screwing around like it's like an open, like he goes, I we're not exclusive, you know what I mean? Like, like, like, yeah, like I'm I I date I date multiple women. Like, we just hang out once in a while.

SPEAKER_01 54:25

She didn't know.

SPEAKER_02 54:26

I guess it was never established. Oh my god. She assumed that they were in a relationship. He was like horrible. But he was like thrown off guard. He goes, What the fuck? How do we like he didn't even like she must have felt like such an idiot? Oh my god. She was like, What are you talking?

SPEAKER_03 54:44

You know, it's just it was Do you think he was trying to cover up?

SPEAKER_02 54:48

I think he sounded like a little bit of an idiot, so it was hard.

SPEAKER_03 54:51

So no, maybe not. Maybe he really is just an idiot.

SPEAKER_02 54:54

He probably was somewhat covering up. Yeah, I mean, I mean, but it was it was just funny. That's crazy. It was just wasn't what you were expecting.

SPEAKER_03 55:03

And probably what they weren't expecting either, because they're used to busting people.

SPEAKER_02 55:07

Then if the woman, they if they think the woman's cheating, they call both at the same time, because the woman's not going to send the guy, send out roses, typically traditionally. So they call, they have both phones ringing at the same time. He's like, Oh, I thought you called me. I thought you called me. Then right away, you know if they're cheating. So how are you? I was just thinking about you. You know what I mean? But some once in a while they'll play the ones where they're not cheating.

SPEAKER_03 55:30

My partner is on the phone also, listening to the whole entire thing.

SPEAKER_02 55:33

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:34

Has anybody ever like said some really stuff like major like outing stuff? Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, I missed you so much.

SPEAKER_02 55:42

Like, no, yeah, like uh, what are you doing? Can you smell over be free to come home for a couple of hours?

SPEAKER_03 55:48

Oh, yeah, it's always leave that, you know what, and come over, you know, or like something nasty.

SPEAKER_02 55:52

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_03 55:54

Has any of the partners ever like bash their part like their their actual spouse or anything on like no, never that actually.

SPEAKER_02 56:01

Yeah, never cringy.

SPEAKER_03 56:05

And I may this may be people might be like, Rachel, how do you not know the difference? But like, there's so many of those videos where it's like the wife catching the husband on Tinder, are they? I think because it's always the same Tinder thing, right? That same screen.

SPEAKER_02 56:19

Yeah, I think they do it for I think it's actually real couples, but they do it uh but they do to make money. You know, like you know, click clickbait. So I I watch, I I mean I've watched them also. Yeah, I get those things. That's really interesting. That's not good.

SPEAKER_03 56:36

Well, that's because eyes on EB and out loud are both on both of our Instagrams, so everything that we see comes up on all of them, right? I mean, it's I think that's probably why. Um that's really funny.

SPEAKER_02 56:49

We're starting to I'm getting a lot of uh dating things too.

SPEAKER_03 56:54

So that's definitely not from me. I am not in that arena, I do not have time for that right now. That I can definitely tell you. I got too many podcasts going on. We're trying to juggle everything, you know. I I don't really know where to look. And now with after our red flag, green flags, I'm a little scared. Yeah. So um I'm gonna double triple think before I uh enter that Tinder or that whatever pool, because it's a shallow guy.

SPEAKER_02 57:23

Yeah, it's bad.

SPEAKER_03 57:24

Yeah, it's bad.

unknown 57:25

It's bad.

SPEAKER_03 57:26

But we'll bring you next time with our red flag, green flag.

SPEAKER_02 57:30

Thanks, everybody.

SPEAKER_03 57:31

Bye. All right.

SPEAKER_02 57:33

What did you think?

SPEAKER_03 57:34

I thought it was good. I didn't know how to end it. I didn't know where to end it. I had something in my eye.