Love Bombing, Dating Red Flags, and Climbing the Empire State Building

Rachel reveals she's finally ready to step back into the dating world after years of focusing on raising her daughters, but modern dating isn't exactly making it easy. Rob and Rachel dive into love bombing, first date red flags, the "ick," companionship later in life, and what they're really looking for in a relationship.

Before the dating conversation takes over, they also discuss the brutal heat wave, Fourth of July traditions, shrinking appliances, whether recycling is actually working, and the viral couple who climbed the Empire State Building before getting engaged.

It's a funny, honest, and surprisingly relatable conversation about getting older, finding connection, and trying to navigate today's dating world without losing your mind.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Welcome to Out Loud with Rob and Rachel. This is what happens when two ADHD brains come together and think out loud.

SPEAKER_00 0:07

Hey everybody, thanks for tuning in to the Out Loud Podcast episode 33.

SPEAKER_02 0:13

33. I like it better that way.

SPEAKER_00 0:18

My hands are all like I can't wait for 6'7.

SPEAKER_02 0:21

There's a 67 number of 67 locker outside my classroom.

SPEAKER_00 0:25

Oh God, everybody goes crazy over it.

SPEAKER_02 0:28

Oh, and there's a 67 locker outside. 6'7. I'm like, enough. It's it's over.

SPEAKER_00 0:33

Yeah, that's it's done. Yeah, it's done.

SPEAKER_02 0:34

Totally done. It's a scorcher out there this week.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Oh, God.

SPEAKER_02 0:38

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 0:38

Dangerous, dangerous scorcher. It's bad.

SPEAKER_02 0:41

It's really bad. I know that's a good thing. Even in Europe, they're experiencing a lot of those places don't have air conditioning.

SPEAKER_00 0:51

So they're like No wonder why they love this country in the World Cup.

SPEAKER_02 0:54

Well, that that too. Isn't that interesting that they're all saying now like it's a campaign by somebody?

SPEAKER_00 1:00

I don't know if it's from our government. I mean, that's a planned campaign.

SPEAKER_02 1:04

You think that the res the response that people don't need in America?

SPEAKER_00 1:07

But I think somebody's coming up to it. I mean, it's a great campaign. Yeah. Like that's when marketing's really good when you don't notice the marketing.

SPEAKER_02 1:14

Yeah. You know what it is.

SPEAKER_00 1:16

I mean, I just I just think it's uh I think it's um doesn't mean they're not authentic. Right. You're probably just like, hey, you're how do you like it here? You like it? You want to get on camera?

SPEAKER_02 1:26

Anything that surprises you. Yeah, they probably feed them the questions and then they get what they answers.

SPEAKER_00 1:30

It's cool to see. It makes you a little bit more proud. Absolutely.

SPEAKER_02 1:34

Let me tell you something. 250 years. I I know we're in a I bring this up a lot. Well, and I know we're in a, you know, our country is is having some issues. We that is an unbelievable. Like, I mean, really, like we should be so I can't wait to see this out. I'm not going anywhere because it's hotter than a you know what. I actually honestly, I have to tell you, and we go every year to the town ones, which I love. We've been going forever. I can't, I don't think I could do it this time.

SPEAKER_00 2:03

No, it's a little too hot.

SPEAKER_02 2:04

Like once you're and once you're you gotta be there early in order to like, and there's no sun cover at all. Right. You can't bring umbrellas or anything. Like you're in the mid- They're not gonna let you stick your cool cabana in the middle of the you know, feed.

SPEAKER_00 2:18

Rachel's talking about our our our town fire.

SPEAKER_02 2:20

Yeah, our town. And it's in the middle of an op which probably all many are because that's what you have to do when you're shooting off fireworks.

SPEAKER_00 2:28

Spots I used to do it over Spotswood Lake.

SPEAKER_02 2:30

Okay, and over lake. Yeah, which is it is cool, but when it's this hot, it doesn't matter.

SPEAKER_00 2:35

No, no, no, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:37

Yeah, I'm not into Yeah, I don't think so. Yeah, I think we're sticking home.

SPEAKER_00 2:41

I'll watch them from the uh I was never a fireworks person anyway.

SPEAKER_02 2:44

I do like them growing up. We were able to because you know, the neighborhood was so much younger, so the trees were so much lower.

SPEAKER_01 2:51

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 2:52

So we would all in my on my street just sit in the middle of the road. Like if you literally were in the middle of the street and looked directly up, you could see the fairgrounds fireworks. So we didn't have to go anywhere.

SPEAKER_00 3:04

For me, I don't know if it's like a neurodivergent thing. I don't like the noise.

SPEAKER_02 3:08

Well, my daughter didn't either for a long time. She had to wear headphones. Yeah, I get it.

SPEAKER_00 3:12

I wear these headphones.

SPEAKER_02 3:13

It is a neurodivergent thing. No, it really is. Totally, it's a sensory thing.

SPEAKER_00 3:17

It's a lot enjoyable about it.

SPEAKER_02 3:19

Even when you know they're comp like you can't get past the noise to look at the spectacularness.

SPEAKER_00 3:23

It's just noise, and and for some reason I look at it, it's just a mess on the ground. It's just like I don't I don't know. I just I'm a grump though.

SPEAKER_02 3:30

No, it is that is a neurodivergent. I don't know that that's a grumpiness, it's a neurodivergent as well.

SPEAKER_00 3:35

I don't.

SPEAKER_02 3:35

I think it's a neurocause I see it from the neurodivergent aspect. My daughter for the longest had to wear headphones too. Yeah, I just cry.

SPEAKER_00 3:42

And I think freaking out ahead of time. It goes back to my stubbornness of like, don't tell me what I should enjoy. So I I it's part of it's that. It's like I'm still very immature like that.

SPEAKER_02 3:53

Well, I'm I'm like that with New Year's Eve and like Valentine's Day, like those types of place times when everything is so expensive just because it's those two days. Like for like a minute, you know, that I'm like, don't tell me that I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 4:08

That's why Rachel became one of my BFF. People told me, uh, you know, don't like her. She's a terrible person. I was like, don't tell me what to do. No, she's one of my BFFs.

SPEAKER_02 4:18

See? Don't always listen to people. There's memes about that. Yeah. If they tell you not to hang out with me, there's usually a reason.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

Right? Uh teasing them.

SPEAKER_02 4:28

But we we have some leftover snacks this this week.

SPEAKER_00 4:31

For my favorite.

SPEAKER_02 4:32

And we have to clear something up. Last week we said that you you said you had never had crimpets.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

I have.

SPEAKER_02 4:40

When yeah, when I brought them today, he realized that he just thought this was a tasty cake. Yeah. Which it is. It is the brand Tasty Cake. However, it is a crimping because it's butterscotch crimpet.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

Yeah. But I They were my favorite as a kid. Me too. Did you still just eat the icing first?

SPEAKER_02 4:59

Absolutely. But again, I'm going to say I said nothing. The Twinkies are like two bites now. I mean, when I was buying these, they were two for five dollars, which was great. Shop right had a two for five sale for the boxes. Yeah, because you get like it's like like a munchkin size. They're like like tiny. It's and yeah, I didn't I didn't love it. Um which is actually connected to something else that I want. I just my over the um oven microwave went a couple weeks ago. And first I want to say you do not realize, I did not realize how much you depend on a microwave until you can't use a microwave. And like I made dinner, full dinner one night, and then I was like, I don't have rice.

SPEAKER_01 5:50

Oh god.

SPEAKER_02 5:51

Because the rice is the frozen steam rice in the freezer, and I it was too late. Like I thought I would have only three minutes and I couldn't just go and redo and 15 rice is like a 15-minute stove thing.

SPEAKER_01 6:03

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:04

So I digress. So I I got the I got the new microwave, but I got the exact same model. Yeah, oh my god. Just the updated one, right? So I because it was a Home Depot and I went G E and I said, What's the one that's now? Because I I didn't I wanted to make sure it fits directly in there. I don't want anybody to have to like blow it out or whatever. So the guy's installing it last week, and he says to me, You know what's so funny? The new one is so much lighter.

SPEAKER_00 6:31

Oh, really? Oh, that's the true thing.

SPEAKER_02 6:33

They don't make and he said he's an appliance guy. Right. He said the appliances post-COVID are so much lighter.

SPEAKER_00 6:42

Oh, God.

SPEAKER_02 6:44

Made like I like more cheaply.

SPEAKER_00 6:46

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 6:47

Less, you know, expensive metal, maybe less, you know, weighty metal. I don't know, cheaper metal, whatever. And I said, and I'm curious to see whether you think, do you think that it has to do with like tariffs and like the amount that right, exactly. And how and how during COVID things weren't going anywhere and they had to figure out a way to like ship as many things that they, you know, afterwards when it everything opened up. And he was like, Oh, I never thought about it like that.

SPEAKER_00 7:10

But I probably yeah, it makes sense to me.

SPEAKER_02 7:13

I opened the door the first time to use the microwave.

SPEAKER_00 7:16

It was like nothing.

SPEAKER_02 7:17

It's like air, it's like shit.

SPEAKER_00 7:19

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:19

You would have thought that I bought a $200 microwave when it was a $650 microwave.

SPEAKER_00 7:25

Yeah, we're we're we're in a disposable company. Yes. TVs four years, this four years, that four years.

SPEAKER_02 7:30

And now I want to bring up something else. And I don't know, this is a pet peeve of mine. We've talked about pet peeves, okay? Recycling. What's your thought on all recycling?

SPEAKER_00 7:39

I don't know. Like there's a lot of there's a lot of discussion about it, about like, you know, the garbage men have to come out another day, so that's bad for the environment. Okay. You know, it's just think like places like New York City, a whole other route, right? It's like a whole other route. And um do you do you mean if it's effective or not?

SPEAKER_02 8:01

No, I mean like uh do you think they're actually doing it?

SPEAKER_00 8:05

Oh, I got ya. Yeah, I do. You know you do i in our county East Brunswick. I went to the landfill thing. Okay. Yeah, it was actually pretty good. Was it? Wait, somebody they have like a they have a thing every how was the battle site site?

SPEAKER_02 8:18

Did you know that? There was a battle in East Brunswick that took place on the landfill. My daughter just told me about that.

SPEAKER_00 8:23

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:24

Edgeboro landfill was a battle in the civil no in the um one of the wars.

SPEAKER_00 8:28

You don't think they uh Well, I'm gonna tell you why. Okay, go ahead.

SPEAKER_02 8:32

So I went to dispose of um the microwave.

SPEAKER_01 8:35

Right.

SPEAKER_02 8:36

I had him put it in my car and I brought it over to our recycling center, and I um pull up and I said to him, Oh, I have a microwave. Um and he was like, Okay, you know, bae, whatever, but you know, and I won't and and and I look in and because it was funny, my daughter and I were like, I would fuck in. And yeah, there was lots of different things in that one uh metal recycling bin thing. So you're not supposed to recycle glass anymore, right? Like glass is not supposed to go in recycling bins anymore. Yeah, that was a recent thing, I think, in the last few years. Well, see, so there was a glass table that was wrapped in, you know, like almost like a backyard tape, patio table that had the glass, you know, middle, and then the so they probably said I have a metal table and the whole thing went in there. That's not separated.

SPEAKER_00 9:30

Right. Then they don't they don't recycle styrofoam anymore. I was just gonna say to you it goes in a regular garbage.

SPEAKER_02 9:36

When I actually, that's funny that you should say that now because it doesn't only go in the regular garbage.

SPEAKER_00 9:43

Oh, that's what they tell me.

SPEAKER_02 9:44

So I I've been living in my house eight years and all of everything was new, literally. All the appliance. I I went through a lot of boxes and I had to drive a shitload of stuff to the recycling center because they'll only take so much, you know, when and when I we had the flooring done and everything. So I had so many boxes they weren't taking them off.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

They don't even take that anymore.

SPEAKER_02 10:05

Exactly. So I made them a ton of trips, and I remember when you would get new appliances, they were always wrapped in styrofoams, you know. And so I would have to go to the one specific styrofoam thing, put the styrofoam in there and the cardboard in the other one. Well, when I went to dispose of the box from the microwave that also had car uh styrofoam in it, I said to him, I have a cardboard box, but I also have styrofoam in it. So tell me which bays to go to. He goes, Oh no, just put it all in that one.

SPEAKER_00 10:33

Oh yeah, he's raw.

SPEAKER_02 10:34

I had I was like, and I even said to him, I was like, Are you sure?

SPEAKER_00 10:37

He was like, Yeah, Bay, what it was all cardboard and tons of and tons of um that was bad information. So he was like lazy or that's my lazy for you for some reason.

SPEAKER_02 10:48

I don't know why.

SPEAKER_00 10:49

Yeah, yeah. Usually they're I just threw styrofoam out two days ago and it was in a regular for the last two years it's been a regular garbage.

SPEAKER_02 10:56

So then why I mean and I was willing. Like I'm even I even said to him, I know I have to separate it, and he was like, No.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:03

Okay. I don't think that they recycle as much as and I listen, I know my district does not.

SPEAKER_00 11:09

Right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 11:10

My school district, everything goes in one garbage.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

No, it's it's it's so it's so funny because I I used to be before things went viral, I used to follow this blog and it was like these two white people and they they they hung out with a minority group, right? They were the only white people and their friends, and this minority group don't believe in recycling. Okay. So it's just like the whole thing. But but even the minority group who were in the pictures in the blog, they were playing the role. You know what it means?

SPEAKER_02 11:37

They were recycling when the other people were on?

SPEAKER_00 11:39

No, no, they were just playing the playing the stereotypes. Like, like it was fun. Like everybody was in on the uh on the whole thing, and uh the when the white people are over their house, right? And they weren't recycling. They would like, you know, pick it up and like like like brink put it in their cars. It's just it's like it would be recycling, I think, is uh it's just you know, it's it's it's interesting.

SPEAKER_02 12:00

I have a neighbor.

SPEAKER_00 12:01

Not every group buys into it. I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 12:03

No, and I you know what else I just realized? I have a neighbor who never puts their garbage out when they walk their dog they throw it in others. They throw it in the dumpster in the apartment complex across the way. Isn't that illegal?

SPEAKER_00 12:16

Yeah, yeah, of course. That's like illegal dumping, right? Yeah, I love dumpsters though. I know, but that's not like you don't pay for their their garbage. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:25

Wow, I that's yeah, that's the same lady who went after me with the shovel and then went to remember her?

SPEAKER_00 12:32

She called it to call me a bitch. We got a film her and putting her eyes on E B. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 12:37

Ooh. No, I wouldn't do that. Then you know me. I would no, I wouldn't do that. I would. Maybe you would. He would. He would totally do that. We're national, international. We're international. Germany. Thank you, Germany.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

We got more people in a specific area in Germany that watches our podcasts.

SPEAKER_02 12:53

We love you. Can you write to us and tell us? Send us some pictures.

SPEAKER_00 12:57

Than than our hometown. Then our hometown.

SPEAKER_02 13:00

I love that.

SPEAKER_00 13:01

Let's see.

SPEAKER_02 13:01

I want pictures from all of these places of people who send them on Instagram or TikTok. We're everywhere.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Marburg Hesse.

SPEAKER_02 13:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

Germany.

SPEAKER_02 13:11

Wherever that is, we've got to be.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

Montreal, Quebec is second.

SPEAKER_02 13:14

I love Montreal, Quebec.

SPEAKER_00 13:16

Man, Oregon is third. Piscataway, New Jersey is fourth, Plainfield, New Jersey is fifth. Seacawck is Kansas City, East Front or Hometown.

SPEAKER_02 13:26

It's all the way down in the bottom.

SPEAKER_00 13:28

Oh bottom.

SPEAKER_02 13:29

Whatever.

SPEAKER_00 13:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 13:30

It's fine. Haters are gonna hate.

SPEAKER_00 13:31

Yeah, that's all right. We still love you. We still love you.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

Don't drink the hater aid.

SPEAKER_00 13:36

Alright, so what are we gonna talk about today?

SPEAKER_02 13:38

Well, speaking of the hater aid, you wanted to talk about the people who climbed up onto the Eiffel Tower, right? Was it the Eiffel Tower? No, Empire Staple. Empire Staple.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

Oh my god. Where did you get that at? No, that wasn't out of hate, was it?

SPEAKER_02 13:53

No, it was. I'm saying don't be hateful. Those people want to stop the hate. That's what made me segue into it. Sorry, I had the wrong eye. I haven't I've been out of the loop a little bit. I know. I know, but no, they wanted to spread the love, not hate.

SPEAKER_00 14:06

Yeah, then they got engaged.

SPEAKER_02 14:07

That's what made me segue into that. Oh, they did?

SPEAKER_00 14:09

Yeah, they got engaged.

SPEAKER_02 14:10

See, I didn't even know that. And the uh I think that's why maybe I felt Eiffel Tower.

SPEAKER_00 14:15

That's their thing. Their thing is Yeah, they're called something, right? Yeah, yeah. Sky something, but they uh they have like a Netflix special, but uh and uh I don't know if you would find a guy attractive, but they look like a real attractive couple. Okay, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 14:28

And uh did they have help?

SPEAKER_00 14:30

I don't know. I don't think they know yet how they got up. They will, but it it's they keep doing it because it's always a misdemeanor. Which is odd. Even in even in New York, it's a misdemeanor. Yeah, I guess they follow they they know the laws before they do it. You put in so many people at danger. You really are putting so many people in danger.

SPEAKER_02 14:48

How do they come down?

SPEAKER_00 14:49

They just climbed down and I guess they got help at after I mean they got up. I mean it's how the f no they got. Yeah, it is people that are uh I mean it was pretty wild. Then then you then what do you do?

SPEAKER_02 15:01

Use ropes, like you're almost climbing like a mountain?

SPEAKER_00 15:05

No, they're climbing the tower. So just so when they have to fix no, they it's just ladders basically.

SPEAKER_02 15:10

Oh.

SPEAKER_00 15:11

I don't know how they got to that level of ladders, you know, whether it's through a hatch or something, probably.

SPEAKER_02 15:16

Oh, I see.

SPEAKER_00 15:17

But they m they might have did some creative stuff, but but to get up the antenna part, it was just like a regular ladder, it looked like, and they uh were they wearing harnesses or anything? I thought she was wearing a catwoman mask. Like she was looking all sexy.

SPEAKER_02 15:30

Like if and then they got engaged?

SPEAKER_00 15:32

Yeah, the guy had a muscle shirt on, and it was by the way, it was a heat wave, it was like 98 cents.

SPEAKER_02 15:36

I know it was very hot.

SPEAKER_00 15:37

Yeah, then then then he went down first, she came down, he was going in his bag to get the ring, and he got on one knee. At the bottom, bottom, or no, at the platform of uh of the antenna tower.

SPEAKER_02 15:50

Wow, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 15:52

Proposed. No one's gonna be everybody on the internet was like who's ever proposing to their fiance, yeah, their girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 16:00

Yeah, you better bag it in right now, just take them home.

SPEAKER_00 16:03

But I'll be honest, they were like a cool looking couple, you know, a little little dark, not dark, but I don't want to say golf, but you know, that right before that, you know, they they look they look pretty intense, all right, confident. Well, good for them.

SPEAKER_02 16:17

Uh not and uh good for them that they're engaged. Yeah, maybe a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 16:23

It's hard to it's hard enough to find somebody, right? Which we'll segue into. It is but to find somebody who's gonna climb up the Empire Estate Building with you. I mean, what are the chances of finding somebody who shares that same dopamine rush?

SPEAKER_02 16:36

I would imagine that if you are that intense, you probably travel in circles with other people who are just as crazy as you are. And like those extreme like you know, skiers and and and you know, rock climbers, like those kinds of things. I would imagine.

SPEAKER_00 16:55

But that's what a lot of that stuff's about. Right. Like even marathon running, you're around those type of people, you know what I mean? So it's it's it's uh you automatically connect. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 17:05

And then you and it's also someone that you like, you know. What do you always say? Uh be be careful if you don't have something in common, like the man and the woman, like you always say, what do you say you should be worried if you don't when a man and woman are friends if they oh right, right, right.

SPEAKER_00 17:23

In order for a a a man and woman to be friends, especially like a married guy, uh-huh, um you have to have something in common. Right. Right, like sometimes you develop these searches with nothing in common.

SPEAKER_02 17:33

And then you wonder why they're hanging out, right? Right, it just doesn't make sense. Right, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 17:38

Like my friend Danielle, I've been friends with for 15 years. We run marathons together. Yeah, or 5K's in training. So when we talked on the phone, it's it's about training, you know, going to Paris to do a marathon. You know, it's always about you know, for us, it's the podcast, account, stuff like that. But but when for for if you're married and you're friends with somebody of opposite sex with nothing in common, you should be a red flag together, is what I'm saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:03

Yeah, I get that.

SPEAKER_00 18:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:04

I am um sort of dabbling. I said that I was gonna dabble back into the dating.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

Oh my god, about time.

SPEAKER_02 18:11

And then I posted something.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

So many people are concerned with your dating life that barely know you. They keep asking me. I'm like, Really? I was like, I don't go there with Rachel, you know. People ask me. A couple people have, you know, for bumping. Really? Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 18:27

That's interesting. They're not concerned, they're just nosy as shit.

SPEAKER_00 18:32

Yeah, I'll tell you who it is after.

SPEAKER_02 18:34

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

Um But I always stick up for he's like, I don't know. We don't know.

SPEAKER_02 18:37

I just we don't go there usually. You are really good. Yeah. And but but you you have said what the hell? Like, what do you yeah, like you even just said to me now? Like, you know, it's about time.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

That's because you told me you jumped in.

SPEAKER_02 18:48

I did, and you said it's about time. I know it is. I I get nervous. Uh you know what it is? I wish I could just jump over to the hey, let's go for a movie and like chill on the couch or something like that. Like the beginning points of it.

SPEAKER_00 19:06

It seems like it's performative at all. That's what I mean. And I hate you know I hate that aspect of it. No, so do I. I mean, with other things in my life, I hate it.

SPEAKER_02 19:14

And I don't like, and I I don't I can't again, I can't speak for how women are for men. I can only speak for how men are, you know, when I've gotten into the dating arena.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

I think women are good because you immediately know if they like you or not. They're a little bit more not honest so much, but but with their with their behavior, they're they're honest.

SPEAKER_02 19:33

I have found, and this is just my again, my experience, a lot of initial love bombing.

SPEAKER_00 19:41

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 19:41

Weird is that about weird, like right out of the gate, like you know, the the horn is blown, the gates are open, the horse comes right out of the stable, and it's like balls to the wall, love bombing.

SPEAKER_01 19:54

Right.

SPEAKER_02 19:54

And for somebody like me, a who has no game, and B, who has been out of the game for so long, I want to run for the fucking hills. Right. Like immediately retreat. Because then I'm like, I again, we've talked about this before. I feel immediately suffocated. So I I then I say, forget it, you know, it is what it is. Uh I'll just take a I'll take a back seat again.

SPEAKER_00 20:19

I think we discussed earlier too. It's it's like okay, maybe if the person is really like that, but I just don't see anybody putting that that performance up through an attire with a lot of people.

SPEAKER_02 20:32

Well, so that's what I'm saying. So like when you start at that level, right, all the way up there, it's not sustainable. And I want you to just be who you are. Like, I don't when you put a when you put somebody on a pedestal, I never in my life ever, ever, ever, ever, ever want to be on a pedestal like that because that is a far fall down.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Like that's a scale. No thank you. No way.

SPEAKER_02 20:57

No thank you. Um, and and because you know what, with all due respect, the person's never gonna be that for me. Like my kids are number one and they always will be. Right. So, like, I need for you to understand that that is not going to be matched.

SPEAKER_00 21:11

Look, we're we're mid-50s. I think what if I were single, what I would be looking for somebody to hang out with.

SPEAKER_02 21:17

That's what I mean.

SPEAKER_00 21:18

Right, where I have a date every on a Friday, someone to be bored with on a Saturday. Exactly, right.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

And and and I I you know, you don't have to tell me after the second text that, you know, uh you can't wait to go on vacation.

SPEAKER_00 21:33

I mean, like right, yeah, no. What? Like it's so funny. What do you mean? You you brought up the turn love bombing to me, so I never really knew about that. But uh I'm reflecting back during the lockdown when a friend of mine, she was uh started dating someone. She's still dating him. Um, but um he was love bombing because that's exactly what he was doing. And and but he would write these long romantic for whatever reason it was emails. Um yeah, it was emails. I don't know why. Uh or like like this really intense, and this was before AI, really intense, well written, you know.

SPEAKER_02 22:11

Do you think he purposely did emails so that he could express himself just further?

SPEAKER_00 22:16

I think it was somewhat of a professional relationship.

SPEAKER_02 22:18

Oh, okay. It started out. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 22:20

Just just think of it like a parent coach kind of thing, not professional, but something like that. So it just made sense.

SPEAKER_02 22:25

Yep.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

But it was these, and you know, she would read them to me. It was like, fuck, man. Like, and it was good. Like it wasn't good.

SPEAKER_02 22:32

And he was really like that?

SPEAKER_00 22:33

No. I think I hope she's not listening. I hope she doesn't listen.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

And there you have it, folks.

SPEAKER_00 22:42

I gotta block her when I uh post this reel, but it was uh yeah, you know, it it's everything, it's as opposite as you can get. And I had a lot of single friends, guys and girls, and the girls used to send me because they know I I love like reading what other guys write, because I'm just curious. I I just love it. Like I I I'm like a little gossipy bitch.

SPEAKER_02 23:04

You're also a good second set of eyes from a different perspective.

SPEAKER_00 23:08

And I read it, it's like I could never put this on paper.

SPEAKER_02 23:13

I know.

SPEAKER_00 23:13

Or on like some of the things.

SPEAKER_02 23:16

And the thing is, like and the and the thing is again, for somebody like me, back up a little bit because I need I am I I I I am, I mean, right, wrong, or indifferent. I need a little bit of a challenge. That's the way that I am. A little bit. A little bit, right. Like I don't want you to be an asshole and be making me, you know, jump through a million and a half hoops. That um, that's not what because I don't have time for that. I'll leave you in the dust. I mean, peace out, man. You won't do that, find somebody else. But I I need you to not be like throwing yourself, like at yeah, like it can't be zero to sixty immediately.

SPEAKER_00 23:55

My whole philosophy in life, whether it's a new client that I'm trying to land or anything, and I think I would be this way if I was in your situation. My attitude will always be act like you care, but not that much. It's just a perfect line.

SPEAKER_02 24:07

But the one thing But it's also a defense, like I don't know you, I don't know if we're gonna care yet.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 24:12

I mean, care about meeting up, but even right, that's what I mean. It's no more than that yet. And it shouldn't be. That's my point.

SPEAKER_00 24:20

Right, but being caring, and I learned this from the guy's perspective and the women's perspective through friends, is if a guy does want to meet up, just be responsive, right? Right, I think absolutely response. I agree with you. And that's what I mean. So if you're responsive, that that that's enough to show that you care about possibly meeting up. Yeah. And and above that, you really don't owe anybody anything.

SPEAKER_02 24:43

There's no that's and I don't want you to feel like I'm I I'm asking, you know, like I I'm giving you what I'm giving you, right? So like the love bombing's not gonna change. That's the thing. Like, I don't I don't want you to think that you're getting any more because of the bells and whistles. Like that's not how I operate, right? So like we need to take it a step back.

SPEAKER_00 25:06

Right, right, right.

SPEAKER_02 25:08

And meet.

SPEAKER_00 25:09

Right, right, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:10

And then let's talk.

SPEAKER_00 25:11

Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_02 25:12

Or not, like maybe you'll meet me and you'll be like, uh, and then you're gonna look like an asshole because we were you had us walking down the aisle to texts in. Like that's the other thing.

SPEAKER_01 25:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 25:23

Like, what if and when it doesn't work, and you and you're the reason that like if you choose to not want to see me again, right? You look like an idiot because you were you were ready to like, you know, make me lemonade by the pool.

SPEAKER_00 25:38

You know, it's so funny because when when when I see like text from some friends, and this was more like three, four years ago during COVID. I think that was a difficult time for a lot of people being simple. Yeah. And uh I I remember reading and and I knew these people well. I went to high school, like I know them well. You know, I knew them since five years old. You know what I mean? Like I know what gets some tick and what they like in people, and and I would read it, I was like, man, you're so way off. It's like you're not even fucking close. Right. And you know, and uh, but that's where guys I think sometimes get the attitude, oh, women want to be treated like shit. No, they just want to be treated not not like you're you're you're her you're you're her father.

SPEAKER_02 26:17

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:21

I'm so proud of you, I think you're awesome. Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 26:24

Or even like a savior. Like I don't need somebody to save. It is very similar. You're absolutely right. Like I don't need saving. Um I don't need fixing, right? Like I just want a companion. Right, somebody to hang out with. I'm getting to the point where I'm almost retiring, right? So like I will I love traveling, I love to just be able to go away with somebody and you know be safe and happy and have fun. Yeah, like at this point, yes, it doesn't have to be Yeah, like a you're not going to a mommy daughter dance.

SPEAKER_00 26:57

I mean daddy-daughter dance. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 26:58

Yeah, it's like I I need you to be an equal. And I also need you to enhance my life. If you don't enhance my life, I'm done.

SPEAKER_00 27:04

I don't that part of it is But enhancing your life is just so somebody to travel with that you don't have to pay for.

SPEAKER_02 27:10

But also not adding drama. Like that's the other thing. Like I don't want drama. I mean, you know, I'm not I'm not talking baggage, like at this stage, everybody comes with a level of past, right? I'm not expecting somebody to show up at my house with, you know, fresh off what whatever, so you know, like a 17-year-old who's never dated.

SPEAKER_01 27:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 27:30

But I also don't want somebody whose baggage is gonna completely uproot my life. Right, yeah, exactly. Like that I can't have because my life is pretty chill. I don't want the negative drama. I I again I'll take the baggage.

SPEAKER_00 27:42

I was talking to somebody the other day, and somebody that I grew up with, she's single for a while, like like a while. Like, like not even like any touch in a while. I and I was like, why don't you just like because I you know when you're on Facebook? Well, no, not even that. I mean, like when we're on Facebook, you know, I I see like certain single people bantering together. You know, I mean, just just fun banter. Like they they obviously get along and and and it's fun. I was like, why don't you just ask like somebody to fucking go for a cup of coffee?

SPEAKER_02 28:15

Like, don't you think though that along with that comes a little bit of pressure? A little bit, but not really when you're I feel like if you ask somebody to just go for coffee, unless it's like a whole entire group meetup kind of thing, that they're gonna think it's a date.

SPEAKER_00 28:29

Well, no, I mean you you're showing that you have some interest, which is fine, but it's just like there's no expectation. I I I don't understand. I don't I just don't I I don't understand. That's probably because I I've been married. I I was thinking the other day since I've been 16. You've had a girlfriend. I I I've only been single five years in my life. Not even.

SPEAKER_02 28:50

And I think honestly, I've only been in a relationship probably for that long.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

It's weird in my adult life. And I'm not the guy that like if you were to take my DNA, like how old were you when you got married though? Uh 29.

SPEAKER_02 29:04

So I mean, yeah, that's kind of young-ish, right?

SPEAKER_00 29:09

Back then it was. Yeah, it wasn't?

SPEAKER_02 29:12

Back then it was about It was about 25, 20. Yeah, you're right. It was young. It was older. Uh yeah.

SPEAKER_00 29:16

I mean, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:18

So were you yeah, but how long did you date before you got married?

SPEAKER_00 29:21

Only a year and a half. Okay. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

I don't know. Then you just did you have girlfriends, steady girlfriends?

SPEAKER_00 29:25

Yeah, I had a girlfriend from like 16 to 21, I had a girlfriend.

SPEAKER_02 29:28

Okay, so that's a lot.

SPEAKER_00 29:29

And then I was single, but then I would have these year relationships that I wouldn't bring them around family, but friends with benefits? No, they were more than that.

SPEAKER_02 29:38

It was just why didn't you bring them around family? I think that's so rude.

SPEAKER_00 29:42

Yeah, I know. It's a little rude. I I think uh backdoor-ish. Yeah, yeah. Just sneak them in when the lights went out? No, I was living on my own then. Oh.

SPEAKER_02 29:52

Alright, so that's different.

SPEAKER_00 29:53

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 29:55

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 29:55

I used to live at home, but always had like a a beach house or something for the whole year. You know what I mean? Like like and I used to, because I worked up. Yeah. I worked closer to where I grew up, so I just slept there during the week sometimes because it was convenient.

SPEAKER_02 30:09

And you never did they ever ask you like Yeah, a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 30:12

Yeah. Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 30:13

And you just, what would you say? How would you get out of that?

SPEAKER_00 30:15

Um, I don't even remember. Yeah. I knew I wasn't gonna marry them, so I didn't see the point of bringing them home. And the other thing is like I have older sisters, I had nieces and nephews. I didn't want some fucking, you know, eight-year-old saying uh 13 aunt, aunt, whatever. You know what I mean? And that was a big part of it, you know.

SPEAKER_02 30:36

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 30:37

And I was very private.

SPEAKER_02 30:38

You know, I still I still most yeah, I would imagine. No, I know for a fact that probably a lot of the um non-serious relationships, most of my family or and or friends don't know about.

SPEAKER_00 30:54

And they're all like clean cut people. It wasn't anything to be embarrassed about, you know what I mean.

SPEAKER_02 30:58

Same thing. It just wasn't.

SPEAKER_00 31:00

I think Gina met my family relatively quick. I don't think she thought it was quick. But it was quick for me. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 31:07

Did she know it was quick for you?

SPEAKER_00 31:09

Uh no, I don't think so. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:12

That's interesting.

SPEAKER_00 31:13

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's like, you know, I don't know, four, four or five months you wait. You know, I don't know. I don't like what uh you know I uh yeah, probably.

SPEAKER_02 31:25

I think that's what I waited, I would say in my um actually with one of my relationships, they met him earlier because my cousin was getting married and I brought him to the wedding.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 31:39

As a date. So um, yeah, they met him. Yeah. They met him earlier, and we were like, it was like out of town, so we like stayed over. So it was like a uh an overnight kind of thing.

SPEAKER_00 31:48

And also, too, don't forget me, I didn't have parents.

SPEAKER_02 31:51

Right, I know, right. So that's different. Yeah, it is different. Right.

SPEAKER_00 31:55

To meet the family, I have to go to five different places. Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 31:59

It's a very different situation. Absolutely. I understand that.

SPEAKER_00 32:01

Um You can feel sorry for me. I had no parents.

SPEAKER_02 32:04

He has parents, they are just deceased.

SPEAKER_00 32:07

Yes, yes.

SPEAKER_02 32:08

But uh we're actually going to bring that up. We're uh we are going to have, we said we were gonna have a grief counselor on one day because both of us, he lost both his parents. I lost my father. Um and we have we we did we just talked about that off camera, how um when situations happen in families, how differently they affect your siblings and you because of the time in your life that it happens. It's very interesting. So we're gonna we are gonna touch on that. Um but we don't want to bring this one down. 250 years of America. That's amazing. I cannot wait to see.

SPEAKER_00 32:43

250 year anniversary, and Rachel's getting one back on the market. I know. Yeah. Oh my god, I'm not done with that conversation. You're not? No, no, no, I could be. I could be.

SPEAKER_02 32:50

So I'm I'm I have to work through the ick. That's my thing.

SPEAKER_00 32:54

Yeah, with everybody. With yeah, or with everybody. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 32:58

I do.

SPEAKER_00 32:59

Yeah, yeah. When they're love bombing and stuff like that.

SPEAKER_02 33:01

Not it and it's yes, that gives it to me very quickly. But the ick in general, like, and I think that's I I I need to speak to somebody. Uh uh, I really do think.

SPEAKER_00 33:12

Rachel posted a reel the other day on our uh Instagram story. It was like uh it was somebody saying, you know, when you're going back on the dating market and then they had like Jim Carrey puking.

SPEAKER_02 33:22

Like and like a cat, like get trying to get rid of a hairball.

SPEAKER_00 33:25

We gotta get a good we gotta we gotta change the uh what happened to manifesting at the start of the day.

SPEAKER_02 33:31

I know, but you know, that one's a hard one. Um I again I still everybody's curious about your dating life.

SPEAKER_00 33:38

So, you know, they can fasten.

SPEAKER_02 33:39

By the way, I wish we could take a break right now so that I can find out who it is, because that's the second time he sends that. So this is gonna be a very interesting off-camera conversation when we're done. Um but that's funny actually, because some I went somewhere the other day and somebody said something also about my date. Well, how come is Rachel single? And you know, by design. Um I yeah, I um but I am ready. I am ready. I think mentally I'm ready. I think my kids being so self-sufficient now. Um I I perp let's be honest, I purposely stayed single.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 34:13

I have two girls.

SPEAKER_01 34:14

Right.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

I refused to bring a man into my house at all when they were little girls.

SPEAKER_00 34:20

Like I just wasn't not a stranger, but I think like it it's it's also it's just a lot of work.

SPEAKER_02 34:26

Well, that's what I mean. That and then but and and the reason, and yes, and that plays into it, it's that it's so much work. Number one, I'm by myself. I don't get an every other weekend break, whereas divorced parents get that weekend, hopefully, if they're you know, if they have a good relationship with the ex that the ex takes them. So you do have a free weekend. I never had that.

SPEAKER_00 34:48

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 34:49

So, in order for me to date, right, I really had to get a babysitter or a family member or something like that. So it needed to be it needed to be a big deal. It is, it's and it's an investment in time, it was an investment in money, all of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 35:04

I had I had a single friend, uh guy friend for a while, and uh I mean, the his game was so bad, right? Because I always had like the good one-liners.

SPEAKER_02 35:16

I mean, mine's non-existent. Was it worse than mine?

SPEAKER_00 35:18

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_02 35:19

Because it was bad? I mean, mine's non-existent.

SPEAKER_00 35:22

Just so bad. Like the whole strategy was bad, right? All right, like not responding right away on purpose. On purpose.

SPEAKER_02 35:27

He was playing the the being weird.

SPEAKER_00 35:29

Yeah. But he used to send me screenshots. How would you respond to this? Because I was always, I'm good with one-liners. I was like, I'm good with one-liners, but I have to be immersed into the conversation.

SPEAKER_02 35:40

Isn't there like a um fucking it was so weird? Wait, isn't there a movie where the guy behind the the homely person is giving the is giving the really handsome guy the lines to say?

SPEAKER_00 35:53

Maybe. I it would be a great movie if it was. It is one. Okay.

SPEAKER_02 35:56

It's it it was it's like a a a fable and then they made it into a comedy.

SPEAKER_00 36:02

Sounds perfect. Sounds something I would like.

SPEAKER_02 36:04

And I yes, it it is.

SPEAKER_00 36:05

But it's weird, like I I couldn't help them because I I wasn't immersed. I wasn't. No, I wasn't a I had to be I had to know the background and this personality. So how did he handle it? Obviously, badly. You said he was just a total mess with it. Like, like it was just ridiculous. Then at the same time, we both we were in a group chat with a single woman, but they um so like she would get frustrated. Yeah, this is what I'm fucking dealing with. Right, well, seriously, I mean, this is what I'm dealing with, the guys like this, and but it was just uh uh just fucking even when I dated Gina, right? When we were dating, and that was fucking 27, 26 years old. Okay, when I dated her, I made a decision that I wasn't gonna waste her time.

SPEAKER_02 36:50

Well, right.

SPEAKER_00 36:51

Either I was gonna be all in or out.

SPEAKER_02 36:53

Well, that was very stand-up of you, honestly. And that's because then that was really stand-up of you.

SPEAKER_00 37:00

But that but that's why I never introduced anybody to my family. That's it that you don't like that red flag, you're not there yet. Well, that was other and I have to tell you that's the real reason.

SPEAKER_02 37:10

I honestly feel as though that's part of the reason that I I purposely didn't uh date because my last major serious boyfriend was nine years older than me. He was a divorced father of two kids, and at the time the kids were nine and eleven. I became very close with them.

SPEAKER_01 37:27

Right.

SPEAKER_02 37:27

I mean, really close with them. I had a relationship with his ex-wife, I had a relationship with his ex-mother-in-law, I would pick the kids up.

SPEAKER_00 37:33

Yeah, so you divorced the whole family, like you would break up with the whole family.

SPEAKER_02 37:36

Right, and I was devastated and it fucked me up. Something awful. And you know, it was back in a time where I was I tried to he didn't want kids, I tried to convince myself that was okay with me. His kids were enough for me, so I literally dove headfirst into his kids. There were so many red flags, which is a whole podcast for another I mean a uh a whole conversation for another podcast, but um he introduced me to his kids very early.

SPEAKER_01 38:03

Oh wow.

SPEAKER_02 38:04

I I didn't want to. Yeah, of course. But just the we lived in the same apartment complex. I met him at the pool.

SPEAKER_01 38:11

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 38:12

So it was almost as though I couldn't help it. Like I was at the pool one day, and like you couldn't avoid each other when he would have them in the summer on the weekends. I was there. Like, what were you gonna pretend we didn't know each other? That would have been so weird. Yeah, so it just sort of organically happened like that one day after the pool, we went out for dinner, and it was like, so I just remember that being a bad thing. Right. Meeting them very early on was not a good thing for our relationship. And when I had my girls, I think that I was just like, I brought them into this world. I'm not going to allow somebody who's not invested in our lives fuck us up.

SPEAKER_00 38:49

Yeah, yeah, no, I'm not sure. Right?

SPEAKER_02 38:50

Like emotionally, even maybe financially, whatever it may have been. If my kids are gonna be messed up, it's gonna be my doing. You know, I'm their mom. Not some guy who I decide to date. That's not their fault.

SPEAKER_00 39:04

I think for women, women tend to start like women are our age or or dating later in life, they tend to date guys that are older than them, five to ten years. Women are more likely to go older than a guy will go older. A guy won't go ten years older.

SPEAKER_02 39:20

I only once ever dated a guy younger than me. Most of them were at least a couple of years older than me.

SPEAKER_00 39:26

But what I'm saying is, like, whoever you do date, they probably they might have 20-year-olds.

SPEAKER_02 39:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 39:31

Yeah, yeah. Well, but I'm at a different thing, I know, but now it's different.

SPEAKER_02 39:35

My kids are now I look at my kids as they are who they are, like they know right from wrong. Not that I've done my job and I'm moving on at all, but like their morals and ethics have been, you know, marinated enough that I feel as though um they can separate that a little bit. Uh, but again, I won't like somebody that I meet, like, no, you're not meeting my kids for a little while.

SPEAKER_00 40:00

Right, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 40:01

I did tell my kids that I was gonna start to date though. So they do know that. They're very you know, we're very open with each other like that. So they know. Um, they don't say anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 40:10

I vividly m remember when my dad was dating.

SPEAKER_02 40:13

Because I I was Did he talk to you about it first?

SPEAKER_00 40:15

No, no. But what I always and I got it from him, I think. I I I um so he was always uh so he started my mom died when you know I don't know, 1985. He started dating like 87, like a little bit after. And I was always fine with it. I was I was happy for him. Like I was generally at a as a 14-year-old, I I remember being happy for him.

SPEAKER_02 40:35

Very happy.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

Yeah, yeah. I just remember that was the gut reaction. No one told me there was no warning, like I was like, I used to make fun of his girlfriends just because you didn't need a babysitter, so he would just go out.

SPEAKER_02 40:48

Right, right. Right. So it's not like he had to say to you, I'm dating or anything like that.

SPEAKER_00 40:52

But he was always like like I think my guess would be that I don't really remember, honestly. I my guess would he he was like me, like a quiet person, uh until unless it was an interesting conversation. But I remember like he had balls. I mean, like he would ask like he'll ask a woman out of fucking cemetery when she's like, you know, looking at her husband. Right, yeah, yeah. But that's me. Like, like I fucking like like it was just like, hey, let's You have game. No, I would just say it. Like I I I yeah, I don't know. I guess it's game. I I didn't look at it was not malicious game, not like game in a bad way.

SPEAKER_02 41:29

It was just like you're single, I'm single, let's you don't have inhibitions in that way, right? I guess is that is that what it is? No, you're you have a lack of inhibition when it comes to approaching women?

SPEAKER_00 41:40

Yeah, like it oh I deserve I yeah, yeah, I'm not intimidated by anybody. And it's not even a confident thing, it's just I think I just like women, like right, right, right, conversation with women. Yeah, yeah. I just think you know what I mean. I find them extremely interesting.

SPEAKER_02 41:56

And for me, it's the opposite. I'm fucking clueless, so I'll come up and have a conversation with you, like we're friends and we're chilling out, and somebody else is like, his girlfriend was behind you, giving you the fucking stare to kill you. And I was like, I don't even find him attractive. What do you mean? I wouldn't date him if I had the opportunity.

SPEAKER_00 42:14

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 42:15

I was having a conversation with him.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 42:18

And they don't, you know, I don't get it. Like I right over my head.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

But I think like my dad, I think he he went on some dates like quick, you know.

SPEAKER_02 42:26

My mom did not ever. She went on a couple of first dates.

SPEAKER_00 42:29

My dad brought a date to the funeral.

SPEAKER_02 42:34

You know, don't they always say, and I mean people may come at me for this, so I'm ready. Bring it on, bring it on. Don't men, as a rule, tend to move like get m remarried or date faster when they are widowed.

SPEAKER_00 42:50

Oh, that I don't oh, yeah, I would think so. Like you're doing nothing wrong.

SPEAKER_02 42:55

So well, but don't they tend to jump back in a little bit faster than a woman would?

SPEAKER_00 43:00

I would think genetically, I don't know if that's the right word, but that would make sense. Right. Yeah. I I mean again, I don't I mean, maybe somebody can, you know, write us in and tell us what like I I think I was always I think my father was too, and uh and Uncle Eddie too, who was here last week. I think I think I I would consider myself a hunter. I didn't mind the hunt.

SPEAKER_02 43:19

Oh, you like the hunt.

SPEAKER_00 43:20

Yeah, like yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:22

I hate the hunt.

SPEAKER_00 43:22

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:23

I can't stand it.

SPEAKER_00 43:24

I don't know if I I wouldn't like it now, but I like being a partner. Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:28

I love being a partner.

SPEAKER_00 43:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:29

I hate the the leading up to.

SPEAKER_00 43:31

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:32

I like the the feeling. I like I'm I'm a really good girl, you know, like I can be a really good girlfriend. I'm not crazy, I'm not jealous, I'm not like that kind of person.

SPEAKER_01 43:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 43:40

Um, I enjoy the you know, the partnership, I enjoy the um the connective, you know, the connectivity, all of that. I just like wish that I could jump right over.

SPEAKER_00 43:51

That's why it matters. I do Gina, like I knew Gina was never gonna be a pain in my ass.

SPEAKER_02 43:57

Right.

SPEAKER_00 43:57

Like that's like I I knew that. Yeah. Okay. You know what I mean? Right. But I'm not a guy that like I'm not a guy that's gonna go to strip bars. Right. You know what I mean? Like like like like like sh so there's no really reason.

SPEAKER_01 44:09

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 44:10

I'm not gonna go on a I'm not the guy who's gonna go on a five day golf trip every three months. Right.

SPEAKER_02 44:15

You know what I mean? No, I can't.

SPEAKER_00 44:17

Yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 44:17

So like I'm a pretty easy and I am not the person who's going to need 24-7. Like I have lived by myself for my entire adult life. I think I will need you to leave. You know, like we're gonna need to go to our separate corners for a water roof or something.

SPEAKER_00 44:34

So here's a question. I don't know if if you know this. Um, how does somebody your age know when it's a boyfriend, girlfriend then?

SPEAKER_02 44:41

I don't know. Do you say it? Does one say that anymore? Did people declare that?

SPEAKER_00 44:46

I guess what I would say is look, I'm not planning on seeing anybody. I think I would just announce it like that. Do you feel the same way? I like I would be I would need to know that when I'm ready, I would need to know that if the other person.

SPEAKER_02 44:57

I would also. I need I can't be in limbo. Yes. Do you think it's a matter of and you obviously you you've been you've been out of the game for a very long time. For me, I think A, it's a matter of not wasting either one of our time.

SPEAKER_00 45:11

Yeah, that's important.

SPEAKER_02 45:12

And B if you're sleeping around, like I have a problem, like I don't want to be sleeping around. Like I can't be, I can't be, I can't be competing with but that's again that makes me go off in my mouth a little bit.

SPEAKER_00 45:23

So he here's a little bit TMI.

SPEAKER_02 45:26

Okay. Wow.

SPEAKER_00 45:28

Like I think the reason why I had girlfriends, like So you didn't sleep around, right?

SPEAKER_02 45:33

Because you were grossed out.

SPEAKER_00 45:34

Uh no, because I I like it when it's mine only. Yeah. No, I slept. Because there's certain things I like to do that I don't want anybody else to be doing. Yeah. I don't want to be there after something.

SPEAKER_02 45:47

All of a sudden you got like a doing certain things I want to do.

SPEAKER_00 45:52

I want to know it's mine.

SPEAKER_02 45:54

All of a sudden you became Tony Soprano.

SPEAKER_00 45:56

Because I'm not doing so I'm not doing certain things unless you're brought Tony to the box.

SPEAKER_02 46:01

I'm disrespectful.

SPEAKER_00 46:02

That's something all they want. It's got a lot of things you're gonna miss out on.

SPEAKER_02 46:05

And with all due respect, you need to earn my shit. Because my shit's good too. Right, right. So like I don't give the milk away for free. Like that's the other thing. Yeah, I'm I know my value.

SPEAKER_01 46:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:16

I know my value, I know my worth. That's the other thing.

SPEAKER_01 46:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 46:19

And I think at this stage of the game, that's the other thing as well. Like, I I do believe that it was a a very long time where I didn't know my worth and my value, and I I um I undervalued myself and I allowed men to undervalue me. I mean, truth be told, honestly, that happened very, very often in my life. And I think now being alone for so long and being so accomplished as an adult, yeah. Now I'm like, now I know my value. So now either bring it, bring it on the way that I deserve it, or move on.

SPEAKER_00 46:51

Right, right. We were talking a little bit about before is like, you know, like whether it's the ick or or uh Yeah, I don't know what it is. Or what makes a woman have game. Remember we're talking about this before. And I I was telling Rachel is that like you know, just looking back at my past and even even some friends who I um I I noticed who got all in all, the woman always has made the guy feel important. Not not in a feeding an ego kind of thing. Right. Like just as the most amazing person. I am reserving that for somebody who deserves it. Oh no, they have to deserve it.

SPEAKER_02 47:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00 47:35

So, like Right, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, that's why it doesn't happen often. Because you don't deserve it. No, no, no, no. But if they deserve it, give them it.

SPEAKER_02 47:44

I understand. I do understand that.

SPEAKER_00 47:46

It's not an ego thing. I don't want you to think it's an ego.

SPEAKER_02 47:48

No, I don't think it's an ego thing. I th I th I do right, I do, but I but as okay, so now I'm gonna comment you the other way. Sometimes, and again, I can only speak as a woman dating a man. I can't speak as a man dating a woman because I don't know what men experience. Women can be bat shit fucking crazy, also. So I will absolutely 100% attest to that. But um the I'm not going to, you know, do that all the time. And I'm also only going to do that once you deserve it. Right, yeah, yeah. Do you know what I mean? So in the but but men expect that in the beginning. Do you know what I'm saying? So you you can't you're not getting that from me till we get past a certain point. Of course, yeah. So if you're if you're waiting for that, like in the first date, it's not it's it may, I mean, I'm not gonna be a bitch. No, no, no, no, no. But I'm not modeling you, right? I know. No, I know, I know. I just need to. I um but in these days, you know, I don't know. I mean, we'll see.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Yeah, I'm getting enough spam calls, sorry.

SPEAKER_02 48:52

I know for the loans. Does anybody else get the loans calls? Because we get them all the time here.

SPEAKER_00 48:56

Um Yeah, no, I'm not saying I'm not uh yeah, but I I think uh I think that's if a woman's gonna have game, that's one of the games. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_02 49:08

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 49:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:09

And making uh and again we talked about this also. Very often men want to feel needed.

SPEAKER_00 49:14

Right, right, right. And that's important. Important needed, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 49:18

You think they're the same? Um important to me means valued in the life. Needed means that without you there's definitely needed, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:30

Yeah, definitely needed is part of men but but needed, not not not like, you know, to save you.

SPEAKER_02 49:36

Needed like Well, some men do feel as though they need to be the savior.

SPEAKER_00 49:40

No, I know that. Yeah, I just stay clear of those guys.

SPEAKER_02 49:44

Yeah, and actually, as somebody as independent as me, they turn they're turned off by me.

SPEAKER_00 49:48

Now, do you find that men like to talk about themselves or do they they like to ask you questions?

SPEAKER_02 49:53

No, they talk about themselves a lot on dates, but I don't take that offensively, actually. I would have to say that almost, and I have been on a lot of dates, unfortunately. I really have. Not as much in in the last like 10, 15 years since my kids are born, but before, I mean, I've been on every fucking dating app I've been uh really, and I've been on a lot of dates, and especially in my 30s and early 40s, a lot of dates. Um and not early for about 20s and and 30s, early 40s I got cancer when I was 43. So with that kind of put a monkey wrench in things. But up until I got cancer, I would say I was dating pretty regularly from the apps. I actually very rarely did anybody ever set me up. So most of my dates were blind dates from the apps. Um I I um I have found from most of the dates that I've been on that men just incessantly talk about themselves.

SPEAKER_00 50:49

Yeah, that's interesting.

SPEAKER_02 50:50

And I find, again, not that it's offensive, not that they're selfish, but they try to fill the space of the conversation with what they know.

SPEAKER_00 51:01

Yeah, I know that's interesting because it's so much easier to ask questions. In a nervous situation.

SPEAKER_02 51:06

I guess.

SPEAKER_00 51:07

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 51:08

Yeah. I ask a lot. I do, I don't ask a ton of questions because I don't want to ever sound intrusive.

SPEAKER_00 51:13

Yeah. A guy who talks about himself a lot doesn't seem like he's somebody that's a curious person, right? Well, I don't know.

SPEAKER_02 51:19

Needless to say, most a lot of my dates did not wind up second dates. Right. Because that's a turnoff to me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That is a huge turnoff to me. But on the other, I don't, I'm not gonna tell you my entire life story. So in the first date, also, so um, you have to be careful also with some of the questions you're gonna ask me. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, there are some things you don't talk about exes and like things like that. Like, there's the the first date should be light-hearted. Right, like that. I don't even know.

SPEAKER_00 51:54

Neither do I.

SPEAKER_02 51:57

I think I might have known at one point or another.

SPEAKER_00 52:00

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:01

When I was younger, it's not crazy. Didn't we talk about this at one point?

SPEAKER_00 52:04

I think personally, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:06

Yeah, but no numbers.

SPEAKER_02 52:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 52:08

I asked a female friend what her body count was, and she goes, I can't tell you.

SPEAKER_02 52:13

Well, I don't think I'll ever nail it down for anybody, actually.

SPEAKER_00 52:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 52:17

I forget it. I'm not even gonna say it. It's just no, I'm not saying it. I'm not, it won't be a good look for me.

SPEAKER_01 52:23

Forget it, I'm not saying it.

SPEAKER_02 52:24

We'll just say that hopefully this will be a positive dating summer for me, right? Let's just leave it at that. We're going to manifest I'm gonna manifest the man fest. Good one.

SPEAKER_00 52:40

I like that.

SPEAKER_02 52:41

I'm gonna manifest the man fest. All right. Awesome. Bring it on. Bring it on. I'm ready.

SPEAKER_00 52:45

We'll see how you do it.

SPEAKER_02 52:46

I'm gonna have to maybe watch some videos on uh how to how to get game.

SPEAKER_00 52:49

Rachel's gonna fall in love and stop doing a podcast.

SPEAKER_02 52:52

He always says that, by the way. He always says that something's gonna happen and I'm gonna all of a sudden fly away.

SPEAKER_00 52:59

I I I used to joke around with some uh friends that I was like the foster. Like like like sing single women hang out with me until they find a forever home.

SPEAKER_02 53:10

Okay. So you're fostering me right now? No, no, no. Just not leaving though, because I'm the kind of person that the person that I'm with. Well, that's right. And the person that I'm with needs to accept my that's the other thing. Yeah, you have to accept I have always had male friends. Always. I will never not have male friends. So you need to accept and I I don't have a problem with them having female friends if you if if you're not like weird with your female friends, like you don't cross the boundaries. Like that's totally I don't have a problem with it. So that person's gonna have to accept that. And I'm not leaving. I love the podcast. And besides, that person might have to accept the fact that we may talk about them on here. So there's that. So, you know, I mean it is what it is. Stay tuned, you'll find out. See you next week.

SPEAKER_00 53:58

Thanks, everyone.

SPEAKER_02 53:59

Bye.