SmartAss Comedy

What Ya Smokin'

SmartAss Season 1 Episode 24

Hitchhiking is rather boring, you know, standing on the side of a highway with you thumb stuck out like it has some kind of strange substance on it and you’re hoping somebody will stop and wipe it off. That’s how boring it can be. But then there’s always one guy that stops you never expected.

Meet one of my favorite ride dudes. Don’t know his name. It’s not like I forgot, it’s just that he never said, in fact he never said one word except for… well that will have to come later in the story.

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SPEAKER_00:

Hitchhiking is rather boring. You know, standing on the side of a highway with your thumb stuck out like it has some kind of strange substance on it, and you're hoping somebody will stop and wipe it off. That's how boring it can be. But then there's always one guy that stops that you never know. expected. Meet one of my favorite ride dudes. Don't know his name, and it's not like I forgot. It's just that he never said. In fact, he never said one word, except for, well, that will have to come later in the story. A buddy of mine has joined me on this journey, a hitchhiking journey, into the unknown. It's a beautiful day, not too hot, no rain, and we haven't even had one bottle thrown at us. So, all totaled, it's been a good day. And it's been like that the whole time. I don't think 20 minutes has gone by without a car stopping to give us a ride. Like I just said, hey, look at that, a car stopping. Before we got in, the guy inside was studying us, deciding if he'll chance being murdered. Mm-hmm.

UNKNOWN:

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00:

It seemed forever until an echoing voice came from inside the car. Get in. In? Well, we're in. Get in are the only words this guy said for the next hour. He would now and then turn on the radio and only get static. And then turns off the radio. Then, a little while later, he turns on the radio. Static. Radio off. That continued for the next couple of hours. In between, turning the radio on, then static, then radio off, it took some time, but out of nowhere, he spoke more words. What you smoking? He didn't care what kind of cigs we had, as long as we had some. That got to the point where I thought I'd run out.

UNKNOWN:

Oh no!

SPEAKER_00:

I could see my bud had the same thought. Now, that's a rule in hitchhiking. Even if you don't smoke, always, have at least one pack of smokes with you. And not, not menthol. Remember that. It's very important. Your life may depend upon it. Oh my God. Our journey with this possible serial killer ended like this. As we were coming to an exit He says, this is my exit. He turns off the freeway and stops, which is the universal, hey, you, get out of the vehicle. No more words were spoken after that except mine. Thanks for the ride. And he's gone in a flash. While standing there, I go for a box of marbles that I had in my pocket. Open it up, and great. I'm out of smokes.