Choose Yourself: Building A Deeper Well Of Joy

A quiet house in the woods can change everything. We arrive in Lambton Shores sore, stressed, and carrying months of noise, then watch how stillness, light, and a few small rituals turn chaos into clarity. From hot lemon water to running the stairs without a limp, the week becomes proof that the body keeps score and peace can help settle it. The boxes get unpacked, the windows flood the rooms, and a grounded routine makes space for decisions that serve a future we actually want.

We don’t shy away from the hard parts. A birthday stirs grief for an ex-husband and the ache of what our children and grandson lost. We name the anger at silence, the weight of unhealed trauma, and the complicated truth about who knew and who chose not to act. Speaking plainly matters. It won’t rewrite the past, but it can safeguard the future and break patterns that keep families stuck. Boundaries show up here as love in action—declining a date to protect focus, refusing to carry others’ choices at the cost of our own well-being, and choosing to build a deeper well of strength and joy.

This conversation is a roadmap for anyone ready to get unstuck: choose the environment that steadies you, stack small habits that lower stress, tell the truth without flinching, and make room for dreams that are yours. We talk healing, accountability, resilience, and the fierce commitment to not fail even when money is tight and outcomes are uncertain. If you’re craving a reset, or a nudge to put your oxygen mask on first, this is your sign to start. Listen, share with someone who needs it, and if this resonates, subscribe and leave a review so more people can find the show. What boundary will you set this week?

Transcript

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SPEAKER_01 0:05

Hey there. It's Trina again who likes to vlog. I hope you had a great week. I'm here in Lambton Shores in my new home. And I'm feeling so happy. I think in the last six years, this is the first time when my heart is happy, my dad is happy. I am feeling late that I finally found my spot where I can think and learn and grow. Now it's been a crazy week. I've learned a lot of lessons this week that I haven't learned otherwise. I've had time to think. I've had quiet time, I've had unpacking time, and I don't know, I just it's been it's been really great, and I hope you're still following this journey with me as I'm living, learning, and growing. This episode is just gonna be random thoughts because I landed here and I promised that I'd be here this week. It's not Thursday night, it's actually Friday morning. When I arrived here, I was sore. I was so sore. I spent the last six months gaining weight, being really sore all over, and just not happy. And one of my friends who teaches yoga said, Trini, you're just going through so much stress. That's why your body is just seizing up. And I was like, rightfully so, but I'm also fat and I'm gaining weight, and I'm just not just not mobile. So I arrived here. My brother and sister-in-law helped me bring things here. My son and daughter helped me load stuff into the storage and get things packed in the car to bring here. And once I arrived, I thought, how am I gonna do all this by myself? And here we are Friday, almost a week, and I have everything unpacked, and I have everything organized, what goes to trailer, what stays here, what goes to goodwill, because I have so much more to give away. Just feeling so peaceful inside. And this may not be a Cheryl Strand story about wild, but I'm in a place that's very quiet and serene. I walk outside, you could hear a pin drop. I'm basically in the woods. I can stand outside even though it's bitter cold out and just look from one patio out to the lake here on the other patio is looking out to the woods and just feeling a sense of calm that I never felt in my life. And I love it. It's just so amazing. It's just a very surreal experience what I'm going through right now. And I can only hope that if you're listening, that sometimes things feel unattainable. And even still yet, uh in my peace there are still things that I feel is unattainable, but in my peace I'm able to think about what I want to do for the rest of my life.

SPEAKER_00 4:07

And I feel that that's a huge accomplishment.

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SPEAKER_01 4:12

And over this week I have had happy moments, I've had quiet moments, I've been w binge watch shit screak, which I never watch TV, but there's just a sense of peace that I'm just watching television, painting, unpacking. I'm able to do this podcast as well. Just I'm much more able to multitask and get things done for myself because I'm in a frame of mind that allows me to explore, think, grow, and learn. And since Sunday morning, I've been having hot lemon water in the morning, because apparently, if you drink that in the morning, wait an hour before you eat or drink coffee is supposed to help your digestive system. You know, rightfully so, I'm actually feeling a lot better. I don't know if it's helping my legs and whatnot, but I think the amount of steps that I have to do going up and down the stairs because the bathroom is downstairs, everything else is upstairs. I'm actually running up and down the stairs now. I'm not limping up the stairs when I first arrived. And I think the stress is slowly lifting from me. And I love it. It's just such a freeing thing. And, you know, I've had some opportunities. Someone asked me on a date, and I was like, I probably would have jumped at it at first, and it was just yesterday, and I'm like, no, you know, like, let's just keep talking. And I really don't know if I'm ready to date right now because I got so much on the go that I don't need someone in my life pivoting me to the things that I need to focus on. And if I had a birthday today, and I certainly could have said, come on down, because I got a turkey breast from Hater's Farm, and but I didn't because I just thought, no, that could just end up being a bad decision. So I wished him a happy birthday and let him go his merry way. But again, this last week has been filled with a lot of different emotions, mostly positive, but my ex-husband's birthday was on the 3rd, and it was a very hard day because I've come to the realization, and I think it's with the peace and the time to think that made me realize that although we would have never gotten back together, and quite possibly we would have been cordial to one another because we were cordial in the last year before his death, that I really miss him, and missing him meaning I miss him walking on this earth for my children. My grandson deserved a full-time grandfather that would always be there for him because he was blood. My grandson does not deserve someone that's gonna come into his life that he's gonna recognize as a grandfather, and then they disappear. And I think him being on this earth could have been a huge benefit to my grandson, and I know he would have adored him. So in that way I was quite angry that he was gone, and also quite angry at the fact that there were so many things with him that could have totally been prevented had he sought the help that he needed to get over all of his generational trauma. And again, I feel very sad for him that he didn't have the strength and courage to do so. But I'm also very angry that there was people that I informed what had gone on in his life that they were unaware of or turned a blind eye to, that you know, people could have spoken up on his behalf and guided him and helped him to get through the things that he needed to get through in order to take away all that pain in his body. Not that it would have healed it, and you never know it could have. Like I said, I was sore, I was unbelievably sore when I was in that horrible spot in Haysville, Ontario. I gained weight, I was stiff as a board, I just didn't feel well. And I was 99% stress, 1% me being fat. Because right now I'm still fat, but I'm actually running up and down the stairs. I've got my stuff planted for the the trailer. I'm painting, I'm podcasting, I've got most of the stuff on pack now. I lugged up that great big ninja up the stairs to have pizza tomorrow. I'm doing okay, and the thing is, is I'm in a spot where I'm open to really being accountable for the things I need to be accountable for in order to heal myself. The truth is, is those who knew about the things that was hurting him and killing him, they decided to villainize me instead. And that is just not cool. Because he was a human being, and if you were family to him, you should have tried to help him.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

And sometimes tough love is the help that they need.

SPEAKER_01 10:38

But at the end of the day, they chose to villainize me right to the very end, and I wasn't the cause.

SPEAKER_00 10:48

Believe me, when you look at there was a quote on Facebook saying he could hurt you so bad, but those who loved him chose to v villainize you instead.

SPEAKER_01 11:06

And yes, he absolutely hurt me for the things that he did to me. And I was all on my right to feel hurt and angry and torn by the things that he did to me. But at the end of the day there was a cause, and everyone knew there was a cause, but nobody looked at the cause. And that makes me really sad because maybe he would be playing my grandson right now. I wasn't able to help him. I tried. I taxed people and said, look at the money coming out. Who goes to a shopper's drug mark, a Jean Coche, and spends$300 in one day? I had a family of four and I couldn't even spend$300 at a pharmacy. What is going on?

SPEAKER_00 11:56

But nobody listened. And that's sad.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

And you know, I've I actually have a huge respect for Candace Owens. I didn't like her at one time, but I started to listen to her more and more. And she'll never talk based on assumption. She'll talk on fact. And it's like, man, I wish I had the balls to talk on fact. Because I've got so much fact. I've got hundreds of emails and texts where I can talk on fact. But what holds us back from that? Is it the fact that no one's gonna believe you anyway, which is pretty much true, or is it why am I rehashing old stuff when somebody's already gone? The thing is, the thing is, even though someone's already gone, we can actually prevent it from happening again if we actually speak up. And the thing is, is there are people out there that know exactly what happened to him. That one woman and two men. One was when he was very young, there was one man from the church, and there was another person that apparently he beat up when he was a teenager. I can recall a couple, but most of them were the same age. There's another one that he beat up, and yeah, I it's questionable. But I wasn't there at that time, so I can't speak on it. But there's other people that can. And that I do know because I heard ramblings in my little small town, and that church, that church, that church where my parents were married, that church where we were baptized, where we wed, where my children were baptized, there's a lot of secrets under that steeple as well, and that's a crazy ass thought.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

And who knew? That's the question. Nobody ever spoke up.

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SPEAKER_01 14:19

So that was my anger phase of the week. Now let's go into the happy phase of the week. I have done a lot of unpacking, but I've also done a lot of driving and just going towards a lake. A lot of the entryways are blocked off because there's just so much ice. It's a whole different vibe here. And I thought, am I gonna be able to survive winters here? And I think the answer is yes, because it's just it's not that you can see the water because it's all frozen, but it's just a slower vibe. It's a more it's not as intense down here. It's not as intense down here in the summer when there's so many tourists around. It's just a great vibe, and I'm still feeling that great vibe, and I hope it never goes away, to be honest with you, because I love it here, and I hope I can win two million dollars and offer this lady money for this house, because I really want it. It's just full of windows, full of light. And for me, right now, as it stands, could change full of happiness. I feel safe here. I'm not alone in the woods. I'm typically terrified to spend the night alone in any place, but I managed to go to bed and sleep well and wake up with a smile on my face, drink my hot lemon water, and plan my day out properly. And I was listening to a song this week called Deeper Well by Casey Musgraves, and I felt that those lyrics in my heart as I was driving while I'm here. And I just feel like right now is my time to build a deeper well, and I'm telling you, I am going through a lot of other things in my life, things that affect me financially, things where I don't know whether my future is gonna be full of prosperity or poverty. But this is actually the first time that I feel that I can do this and I'm gonna get through this and I'm gonna figure it out. And be goddamn, I am not going to fail. I am going to research, I'm going to figure this out, that I come out on top because I have come to realize that the people that I've aligned with in the last six years do not want to move forward. They want to be stuck. And I have never been the person that wants to be stuck. I want to smile, I want to dance, I want to, I want to do things. I just want to live. And I've always been that way. Even my ex-husband said to me after we broke up, he goes, Trini, you've always made everybody's dreams come true, and now's the time for you to make your dreams come true. And at that time I wanted to get back together so bad because I didn't love myself enough to realize the things that he did to me was wrong and that I should move on from this. That I was begging him so hard to get back together that I didn't hear him clearly. But now I realize that he's not wrong. In my life, I have worked so hard to attain so many things, but I always brought people along with me, whether it was to a music concert, whether it was to meet these HGTV people I knew, whether it was to go to PEI and go to a music festival, and that got torn apart. I've always brought people along with me, and I never strive to make my dream come true for me. And now is my turn to make my dreams come true for me. And I you I think with my listeners, you've got to realize that if you're alone and you're and you're feeling that you need people in your life, heal yourself first and take care of yourself first. Because you are the one that has to put the oxygen mass on first before you help anybody else on a plane. Live that motto throughout your life. I know someone said to me the other day, but what about me if you decide to do this? I'm like, what about you? I have to make the decisions based on the fact of what's gonna make me grow and me prosper. I can't go into debt because I need to save you. You gotta save yourself. Whether you stay around me or not, that's your choice. But my choice is I have to make good decisions for myself in order for me to prosper and grow. And there's nothing wrong with that. There's nothing selfish or narcissistic for you to take care of you. And I think that's the biggest takeaway from my random thoughts today is that you go through a lot of hell. Everybody does, everybody's broken in their own little way. But because everybody, male, female, we're always thinking about what will other people think, what will other people do, how will other people be affected based on my decisions. Now, if you're a family of four with two little kids, yes, you have to do this absolutely unified effort to make things strong for your family. If you're in a couple and you're married many years and you go, Okay, are you satisfied with the decision? Yes, there is collaboration that needs to happen. But at the end of the day, if you truly want something, just like when I was married, and I knew my ex-husband wanted to have a management position because he couldn't work on the floor anymore. And he's like, Do you want to do this? And I'm like, Yes, absolutely. I know you want this management position. We can't get the management position down here. Let's move and let's do it. So it's a it was a collaborative decision, even though it blew up in my face. But in that sense, yes, but he was adamant that that's what he wanted. And I honestly feel now that the way things progressed, I think he would have sort of pursued it with or without me. And you know what? Kudos to him if he had done that. Because he worked very hard in his life. I'll give him that. Work was his band aid for all the pain that he felt. And he would have he would have moved forward to do that because that's something absolutely wanted to do. And we can't be anchored by people that are stuck in the past, stuck in their grief. Stuck in their ways. Stuck in their traditions. Whatever. Especially at our age. Because we also have our own traditions and our own ways and everything like that. So we have to live our dreams. We have to do it. Life is very short for us to be unhappy. We gotta take chances. We gotta make mistakes and we gotta do whatever we need to do to live our best life. And hopefully you meet someone along the way that's living their best life, and that you can collaborate together, communicate with one another, have long chats, play the games, do everything you need to do as a couple, but also support one another in your jo in your in your independent journeys as well. So I think I'm gonna call it a night. It's heaven. It's absolutely heaven. And I want you to take this time to think about yourself and what you need. Do you need a wild adventure? Do you need to break free and have some peace and quiet? You know, it takes planning. Sometimes these things take a lot of planning, but you can do it. One is only as stuck as they allow themselves to be. So take the chance. Say the things you need to say. Live the life that you deserve. Because be god darn it, I'm gonna do it. And hopefully next week, it won't be such random thoughts, it'll be a little bit more strategic, but I hope you enjoyed this show anyway. Have a good night.