How Comfort Keeps You Stuck In The Wrong Relationship

In this episode of Life A Blog, Trina asks a question that doesn’t come with an easy answer: are you comfortable… or are you actually happy?

What looks stable on the outside can feel empty on the inside, and sometimes we stay far longer than we should—not because we’re fulfilled, but because it’s familiar. Through raw reflection, past blog entries, and deeply personal experiences with love, betrayal, and self-discovery, Trina unpacks the difference between surviving something and truly living it.

This episode dives into the quiet truths we ignore, the moments we knew but stayed anyway, and the painful process of rebuilding self-trust after giving your best to someone who couldn’t receive it. It explores why comfort can keep us stuck, why letting go feels like loss, and why healing—real healing—requires us to sit in discomfort instead of running back to what we know.

Featuring the song Starting Over by Chris Stapleton, this episode leans into the idea that sometimes staying the same feels heavier than beginning again. That starting over isn’t about having a perfect plan—it’s about making the decision not to stay somewhere that costs you who you are.

The theme is simple, but not easy: choosing happiness over comfort, even when it asks everything of you.

If you’ve ever questioned your instincts, stayed too long, or found yourself standing at the edge of a new beginning… this episode is for you.

Remember, every song has a story and every story has a song. Join us next week!

Transcript

Comfort Versus Happiness

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So I want to ask you, are you comfortable or are you actually happy? Now I don't want you to answer that quickly, because those two things they can look the same on the outside, but they feel very different on the inside. I've come to realize that comfort is easy and predictable, familiar. Knowing what tomorrow is going to look like, even if it doesn't excite you, makes you feel comfortable. Happiness, though, happiness is different. It actually asks something of you. It asks you for change and growth and letting go. And I think a lot of us, if we're honest, we don't stay because we're happy. We stay because we're comfortable. And I live this. You know, I had to go look for something on Facebook because I was looking for timing of something. And I spent a lot of time doing deep dives. Not just to bring up the past, but to kind of find a small answer that will give me comfort. And when I look back, I realized how unhappy my posts sound. And it kind of came as a shock to me because I was looking at them and I was like, wow, I sound truly unhappy, even though I thought I was. Because in my marriage, nothing was really wrong. But now I realized nothing was really right either. And often I told myself, this is fine, this is

Seeing Unhappiness In Old Posts

SPEAKER_00 1:45

just how it is. Every relationship has its issues. But deep down I knew. And that's the thing about comfort. It can keep you somewhere long after you've outgrown it. You learn how to function in it, you learn how to survive in it, you learn how to shrink just enough to make it work. But surviving something is not the same as being happy in it. And I realize now my ex-husband and I, we're probably both very unhappy people, but living in comfort. And when I realized that it's a huge aha moment for me, I know I've talked about it a little bit as I'm progressing through my healing process, but in the last week, I've come to realize that we just weren't right for one another. We were two different people. And maybe we should have gone our separate ways a long time before the betrayal happened. Because on May 14th, that lovely day I love so much, our wedding anniversary, and the day he died, May 14th, 2011, I wrote a blog post on why I was married more than 10 years. And it basically outlined how he approached me and said that he was unhappy with everything in his life. And how I was the grandiose wife that, you know, talked him through it and encouraged him to volunteer or do things that he did when he was young that he enjoyed. And, you know, find a hobby for yourself. Don't just sit down and watch TV. Find something to do that brings you passion like myself. And I realized that in reading that, reading a couple Facebook posts, yeah, we were both living in misery but comfort. And I've been blogging since, oh my goodness, 2005, when Blogger first came out, if I'm not mistaken. And he loved the perks. He always enjoyed going to the perks. But when it came to doing something together that was like a cool play concert just on a whim, it was always, no, I can't do it. So the commonality wasn't there. He loved the perks, and believe me, afterwards, much like my other partner, I told a story of my life, and that's what kept me going. When I look at my blog from years gone by, the unhappiness really truly shows, but they loved the perks, but they didn't love the story that included them. But this is my passion, and this is why I've taken it to a podcast now. It's not for revenge or anything like that. It's not for, I don't care if two people listen. It's not for notoriety, it's for helping me grow and learn. And having this documentation of my life actually helps me look back and see where I went wrong. And when the betrayal happened, there's something that nobody really prepares you for. It's not just the per betrayal, it what comes after.

Betrayal And Losing Self Trust

SPEAKER_00 5:01

It's having a sip at yourself and realize you saw things and stayed. I stayed for a few months after, but I begged him for well over a year. And my God, shame on me for not knowing my worth and begging someone who hurt me so badly to come back. You know, I questioned my instincts, my judgment, my heart. Because the hardest part isn't just that someone wasn't who you thought they were, it's that you believed they were. And now you're trying, left, you're left trying to understand how you gave your best to someone who was never really showing you the truth. And that kind of pain, it doesn't just break your trust in them, it shakes your trust in yourself. And that's where comfort becomes dangerous because it whispers, just go back. At least you know what it feels like. At least you know him, so it's familiar. What is a little bit more pain? But going back is not the same as healing. There's a quote I came across: not everything needs fixing. Some things need letting go. And that hit me hard. Because I used to think if I just tried harder, communicated better, gave more, things would change. But sometimes it's not broken, it's just not right. And if it's not something you can fix, then the only thing left to do is to let it go. And letting go doesn't feel like comfort, it feels like loss, it feels like uncertainty, it feels like everything you've known slipping out of your hands. But holding on to something that isn't right just because it's familiar, that's not happiness. That's actually fear. You know, as I said, me sharing my story, you can go back almost, I guess, a decade or two now and see the story of my life. But it's never meant to be written in malice, it's never meant to be revenge, as I said. And I want to tell this story because I think it's very important. Because the more I read about women in betrayal, the more I see a commonality. And TikTok really plays a huge part in trying to get your ex back. There's so many different profiles that talk about, you know, this is how you get him back or her back. And, you know, there's psychics galore saying, you know, in two days they are going to call you. And this letting go part is really huge for me because it's I realize now how hard it is to let go. How hard it is not to pick up the phone and dial. I believe the last time I talked to my ex-husband in a casual way, in a begging way, was December 29th, 2000. And he wrote me on Facebook and I never answered. And that was legitimately the last time we'd had a conversation up until checking in on him when he was uh diagnosed with cancer. And this relationship that I had not so long ago, when I moved in, I knew my gut told me that if anything happened to him,

Letting Go When You Want Answers

SPEAKER_00 8:39

my stuff would be thrown out in the yard or the door would be locked and I'd never have access. And I really cared for him because I felt that it was surprising because we had so much in common. We could sit down for hours and hours and talk, and then look at the time and go, oh my god, it's time for bed. We've been talking for hours. So I thought that was different, that was love, that's the way happiness was supposed to be. But that little inkling of distrust that I had, I stayed because I was comfortable. That little inkling of distrust made me very unhappy. And fast forward, I realized that I was right in my suspicions. And the only reason that I was I feel that I'm right is doing a lot of thinking in this, is that we'd used to go out, and sometimes he'd get pretty insulting to someone, and I'd say, don't talk like that, like don't be mean. And, you know, we'd go to the trailer, and there was times where he was a little sarcastic, and I'm like, please, like, let's just try to get along with everybody. Like, I'm not telling you what to do or how to live, but I just want to be happy here. And, you know, he had had a lot of abuse during the time that we were together, and I often didn't blame him for it. But I realized now that was comfort him. And what comfort looks like for one person or happiness looks like for one person is not always what comfort or happiness looks like for another. And I would get angry, you know, the couple of times I got on the phone and tried to call and defend him, but no one ever answered because no one actually cared. And the thing is, is at the very end, this is something I really have to share because I think people listening can probably relate to once they close the door on you, they actually show you who they are. And he was sitting there with the new person who was his previous relationship, the one that really did a lot of bad things over the course of the time that we were together. Not to me, a couple of things to me, but mostly to him. Very abusive. And I was driving home with my daughter after we watched the Taylor Swift thing, and he they were playing me songs on my Spotify. And at that time I really wasn't hurt. I kind of giggled over it. But again, the more I sit here and think about it, the more I realize how deeply hurt I was. Because I thought he was a better man than that. And I thought, because we never did things like that. We never mocked people or made fun of people, or I thought he was just better than that. But then I realized sometimes you have to prove things that you aren't in order to win back the comfort that you need or the happiness that you need. And for that, I realized, and I've come to terms with it, that it really wasn't a mockery on me. It was just him being him because he needed to be that person. And that's okay. There's no forgiving, there's no anger, there's nothing really. I just I feel moot about it. It's just something that he needed to do in order to win back the comfort and happin happiness that he needed at that time, and probably still today, who knows? And there's a moment and it doesn't look like much. I've seen it twice, and no one else sees it while it's happening. But something in you shifts. It's the moment you stop

The Shift That Changes Everything

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defending what you've been living in, the moment you stop saying, Oh, it's not that bad. It's the moment the truth gets louder than the excuses, this isn't it. And once you hear that, you can't unhear it. You can stay, but you'll feel it. And every day, because comfort doesn't feel the same once you realize what's this what it's costing you. You know, I loved having a partner to go out and have a few drinks with, to go to country concerts with, to go to the trailer with. And now I realize I can do that all by myself. I've been going to the trailer every day bringing things in. I've been digging, I've been getting rid of those little box gardens that are rotten. I don't need the help, I don't need the comfort. I am quite happy and I'm not cursing doing it by myself. And years ago, I'd be so resentful. But now I realize I like this. I'm going with a friend to see Lee Bryce on Saturday. I don't need someone to go with. I just have, as long as I have friends around me that care and love me. There's a song that's called Starting Over by Chris Stapleton. And it's not loud about it, it just tells the truth. That sometimes staying the same feels heavier than starting again. That what's familiar, what's comfortable, doesn't always fit you anymore. And starting over, it doesn't mean you have to have everything figured out. It just means you've decided. You're not gonna stay somewhere that costs you. And I think that's what choosing happiness really is. It's not chasing something perfect, it's walking away from what isn't real. Even if it's hard, even if it's uncertain, Lord, it's hard. I can't tell you how hard it is. Being alone and healing is quite possibly the hardest thing you can ever imagine because you're absolutely alone in those thoughts. And you know, you can turn to booze, you can turn to gambling, you can turn to eating. I sometimes turn to epic sourdough recipes, but healing is so difficult. But you have to deep dive, you have to take that chance, you have to deep dive into it. And everything that you do going forward, you'll ask yourself, am I comfortable or am I happy? Today I went to drop off some sourdough bagels to a friend who owns a retail store, and I met up with someone that I was trying to avoid for

Starting Over With Boundaries

SPEAKER_00 15:40

quite a while. And years ago, I would have just turned my car around and left. But this time I thought, meh, I'll go in. So I walked in, I said, Hey, I know you. And the lady says, I know you too. And then we got into a discussion about what had happened. It was a job interview that I just basically said no to because I thought it was very sketchy. And I just outright told her, I said, it's very sketchy. I don't want to support the Americans. I believe in Canadian publications, I believe in Canadian publishers. I don't want to deal with American publishers right now because of what's going on. Not that I dislike America or anything. I love going over to the States. I love it. I love Nashville. I love everything about it. But just with what's happening right now, that's one thing. But also supporting small Canadian publishers is another thing that's very important to me because when you have a print magazine, the struggle is very real. And I just stuck to my guns with that. And we went outside and chatted a little bit more, and I said to her, let's do a coffee sometime. And she's like, Yeah, I would really like to have a coffee with you sometime. You know, meeting up with people that cause you discomfort, the more you hide and push everything down, the more uncomfortable it can be as well. But if you're truthful and honest and true to who you are, great things can happen and friendships can develop out of it. We'll see. I actually like the woman very much. And hopefully I made new friends out of it just by being very upfront with who I am and what I stand behind and what who I am as a person. So I'll ask you one more time. Are you comfortable or are you happy? Because comfort will keep you where you are. But happiness

The Question To Ask Yourself

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happiness will ask you to become someone new. And maybe, just maybe, that's where your life starts to change.