Fear Ain't Your Friend

Are you afraid of failure, success, or just recording a podcast about fear? I'd be lying if I said this recording was easy because fear kept telling me different. But I found a great way to give a swift kick to fear. Here's some help when fear has you stuck.

Transcript

hey you want to hear something funny uh this episode is going to be about fear and guess what I'm afraid to do a recording a podcast a video about fear go figure I just spent the last hour walking around just like nibbling on food and doing laundry and walking upstairs and going outside and all kind of stuff why because I'm afraid what am I afraid of I don't know you know if you grew up kind of in a if you grew up in a dysfunctional type family if you do grew up in a family that wasn't v ery encouraging I I think you have a greater (00:37) propensity to be afraid of things like think about your day-to-day like the stuff that you just don't do you procrastinate you put off or you don't do all together and yet here's where our Catholic faith comes into play because the idea is to feel the fear and do it anyway right as you may have heard before and I was talking to my wife and I was joking with her and she laughed you know you're you know ah you're not doing this because of fear b ut isn't it true that if you want to test a parachute you're going to have (01:09) to jump out of the airplane even if you're afraid isn't it true that if you want to test out your life preserver you're going to have to jump into the water at some point to see if it works and that's what Jesus talks about so much is to have faith is to walk out on faith but for me and maybe for you the the fear of walking in faith is huge what if he drops me what if you know Jesus just like turn said ha just kid ding right I I mean you know he would never do that but that's that's the fear that I've had most of most of my life and I (01:49) think a lot of that stems from growing up where I wasn't encouraged to do things try things or to fail right because everything had to be perfect and that's the biggest part of fear at least for me and maybe it is for you that if it's not perfect don't do it don't attempt to do it there's nothing worse than failure yet every self-help positive thinking book you read says you know you have to fail you have to fail forward I mean think of all the cliches think about um not Einstein who's the other guy did the light (02:22) bulb Edison right uh the famous line that he you know it took him 10,000 times to figure out how to make a light bulb work and when asked about it he said they said I mean how did you you know you you you failed 10,000 times he said well I didn't fail I found 10,000 ways that it wouldn't work so I can go on and on about all the cliches and the and the ideas about how you know failure and being afraid are just ridiculous yet explain that to that little voice in your head that little voice is saying you can't do this you're (02:56) going to fail what if it's not perfect what if people make fun of you or here's a here's a weird one I discovered a while ago what if you succeed what if you do the thing that you're afraid of and you actually succeed oh my gosh now all of a sudden you have to raise yourself up to that standard now you ha ve to repeat yourself now you've proven that you can do much better you've got to keep youve got to keep operating at a higher level so fear is is is everywhere and it can be crushing I understand that you might go to work every day and anxiety (03:30) and fear you may have relationships where you just feel like you're in fear and anxious you may just during the middle of the day out of nothing you find you're afraid of stuff and you just can't even pinpoint it or figure out where it's coming fr om and I'll bet you dollars to Donuts if you go back it goes back to the way you were raised or the environment you were in if you were you know physically abused sexually abused you know of course you're afraid you're for you're afraid of people you're afraid of people raising their (04:02) voice you're afraid of maybe people lifting their their hands to strike you or hurt you right so you have a lot of reason to fear and it may be deep inside of your very soul and as you grow up and as you try to go out on your own and do things you have a fear to ask you have a fear of asking for help I mean it's it's a horrible place to be it's like being in a prison sale where you you can't get out where fear is on every side of you I can't do this thing that I want to do and I'm afraid to even try I'm afraid (04:39) to ask for help because someone might make fun of me they might you know abandon me they might ridicule me in Failure I mean it just it can be very overwhelming Big Time overwhelming so so what's the answer and here's the beautiful part about being Catholic I was on uh Twitter X they call it now and and you see a lot of um Protestants and and Bible Christians on there and you know just railing against the Catholic faith but what they don't realize the beauty of it is the the treasury we have of uh especially Saints (05:20) in this case okay and I'm going to get to scripture in a second but my two favorite Saints as I've said before St Francis sales and St TZ of L SU and just in their writings just for the soulless just for the comfort that you get with those that if you don't believe in the Catholic faith you just you're you're denying yourself these incredible resources people who have gone before us people who have tried and failed and they became Saints anyway so I I just I can't encourage you enough to dive into your Catholic faith (05:55) of all the help that is there because as I talk about this I mean I can feel the anxiety welling up in my gut even as I spe ak because sometimes the fear can almost be debilitating I me not even kind of it is it keeps you from doing the things you want to do the things you need to do because of just a debilitating fear right especially when you say things like I can't do it what's the point it's not going to work I mean talk about the head trash right all that garbage in your head all the things you're you're saying to yourself but (06:29) where a lot of that a lot of those voices in your head are voices from the pas t of what people have said to you or even harder to to nail down or the way you felt after interacting with other people and when you've grown up in an environment where you were either abused in a physical sense or sometimes even worse in a psychological sense where you just you wake up each morning like oh my gosh I'm just I'm afraid or anxious I don't even know why why so here's a few things from St Francis sales okay it's about trusting (07:05) in God's love he encouraged people to reject ex cessive fear and Scruples reminding them that God is a loving father not a harsh judge and let me just interject here for a second and saying for those of you who don't know a loving father who didn't have that type of father who encouraged you and mentored you and helped you this can be a tough one so while you know you may be struggling with seeing God as a loving father as a helping father it's I don't know how to say this he he's not a harsh judge here here's (07:43) here's a struggle for me and has been for long time is not seeing God as a harsh judge as a harsh father but as a loving father I mean think about the the story of the prodigal son right so this you know little nip of a kid says you know hey Dad give me all what's coming in my inheritance I'm going to go off to a Strange Land and you know spend money on some really nasty things and then after all that after living a very horrible life he's he finds himself starving he won't he you know he's jealous of pigs who are eati ng like (08:19) husks that they've been given to eat so he goes back to his father and you may have a hard time even understanding that where in your mind you may be thinking oh my gosh if that kid goes home his dad's going to beat him black and blue he's going to reject him he's going to tell him to get away from me but no it's as God the Father this father who welcomes back his son with open arms because he's repentant because he's sorry because he's screwed up and realized that and realized t hat his father is merciful so he went back to (08:57) him and his father welcomes him gives him the ring gives him the the robe throws a big party for him okay so while you're on that journey of working through whatever your thoughts about God his father are just at the very least just think of him as a moment as just someone who's he's he's not harsh he's not a harsh judge he isn't that way anyway that's that's another topic to work on but so St Francis sales says do not fear what may happen to morrow the same Everlasting father who cares for you today will take (09:29) take care of you then and every day so let me just stop there for a second and say you may struggle with understanding that loving father and I get that I really understand that whereas when you think of Father you think of again someone who wasn't there someone who wasn't supportive someone who wasn't encouraging somebody who didn't help you understand emotions and feelings and someone who definitely didn't help you be lieve that you are an amazing incredible valuable human being okay and the more you understand (10:09) St Francis sales in his in his teachings he talks about the love of God the father he makes many examples of this love that he has for you okay and you know look at a crucifix whenever you have a a second if you're ever doubting about how much God loves you so again that's all part of the journey it's something to work on if you have that issue I know I've I have for a long time still working o n it but here's this here's another point if so if you're struggling with God the father as merciful as someone not to be afraid of (10:45) then this next point is just being gentle with yourself and I love this about St Francis sales he's known as the the gentleman saint but also the gentle Saint and he says gentleness gentleness with yourself he warned against being too hard on oneself which can lead to fear and despair instead he advised patience and kindness towards one toward one's own weak nesses and again that may be another struggle you may have the voices in your head that are just berating you and yelling at you and you know who do you think you are how do you who do you (11:20) think you are trying to do this and oh you're like a big shot and everything like that I mean it just me be on and on and on take a deep breath and I I recommend getting a a picture of yourself as a small small kid and just looking at that kid and just being gentle with yourself and how would you treat that small child so just just something to think about the other person is St TZ of Lou and she talks about you know complete trust in God's mercy and TZ rejected the idea of fearing God's justice in a way that (11:54) leads to anxiety right so again if you believe in a um a punishing father father a harsh father what someone you need to be afraid of she counsels and says how can I fear a God who is nothing but mercy and love okay so her spirituality was rooted in the belief that God desires to L Lift us up rather than condemn us so I'm you know maybe a lot of the fear that you have is just a fear that you're going to you know not only is what you're going to do not be perfect but you're going to be punished for it not being perfect (12:31) and with these two Saints you're going to understand the gentleness of God the love of God the compassion of God that he really is in your life every single moment of your day he is actually there he's almost I read somewhere that he he's almost fo olishly in love with you that he's always thinking you of you always taking care of you always thinking about your needs so it's just something to hold on to and again I understand it's part of your journey and it's may not be overnight probably won't be but it it's it's part of something to (13:04) overcome because the joy you feel when you can let go of fear of this punishment and perfectionism is absolutely awesome okay she talks about overcoming fear through love she believed love was the an tidote to fear famously saying Jesus does not demand great actions from us but simply surrender and gratitude so rather than fearing failure or judgment she ENC encourage trusting in God's goodness so these are all things to think about as you're going through your day if you have a real tough time with fear if you have a real tough time just (13:40) getting things done and you wonder why it may very well be that you're having a hard time understanding you're not alone that God that God is there with you as as father Jesus is there as friend Mary is there as mother and for me a big way to uh what has been very helpful is to see this family that you really are a part of you may have come from the worst crappiest family that has ever been on this this Earth that's when you realize that you're part of the greatest family that's ever been and I think a lot of times we spend (14:15) so much time so much of our life trying to um I don't know impress our family be noticed by our family be lov ed by our family be accepted by our family that we forget we we're part of a greater family a greater family that's filled with compassionate love that's always there for you that's always looking at you smiling at you is gentle with you so again I know that's hard to you know imagine if you didn't come from that kind of family but it's something to really dig down deep into our Catholic faith is the beauty and love of (14:51) this family that we're a part of so again I highly recommend anything from Francis of sales anything from TZ of L Su to help you along in your journey and of course we Catholics love the Bible scripture is an incredible guide for us and an incredible help for us so throughout and I was doing some study about um you know being afraid but it's almost like Jesus is offended when we're afraid because it shows just you know it's a lack of trust on our part and maybe part of it is pride maybe part of it is again like when I grew up I just (15:31) felt like I could I co uldn't trust anyone I couldn't reach out to anyone you know it was like that Brady 2-year-old no I do it myself I do it myself and maybe after a while you just learned that you had to do things yourself because you had no one who was going to help you that paid you no attention especially if you're what they call The Lost Child right where you were just kind of lost in the family where you just spent your time in your room or outside by yourself or disappeared from the family because you figured if you (16:00) weren't around everyone you weren't getting attention right well you weren't getting bad attention how about that so if you weren't around if you're quiet if you're just silent and didn't speak up if you didn't you know make ways or anything then you figure that you're going to be doing okay but I think a lot I think what happens then is you realize that you have to do everything yourself that you can't reach out to other people so again that's something else to work on but know that you can always reach out (16:31) to Jesus for help you can always reach out to God for help you can always reach out to Mary for help and that's something else to try if you have a difficult time with the idea of fatherhood and of of a father being kind of nice to you think about your mother marry your mother think about her love and compassion for you so so hopefully that helps but if you go to scripture and even just a first book just look in the Book of Matthew okay so Matthew 6:30 and i f the grass of the the field which is today and tomorrow is cast into the oven God (17:03) doth so clothe how much more you oh ye of little faith so all these verses I'm going to read have to do with faith because I think another antidote to fear is Faith St Francis sales says that you know it's it's doing little things and St Tera says it's doing little things so when you're afraid do something right just get off your keester and do something all right don't just sit there and worry and wallow in the fear and I think our Lord is telling us many times over is like have faith I'm telling you have faith I'm telling you (17:37) not to be afraid but what does that what does that entail it means faith and again Faith might be hard for you Faith might be tough and that you have you're you're being asked to trust enough to you know jump off that cliff and have faith that God's going to catch you it's having faith and trust in God enough to know that he's watching out out for you and caring fo r you so um here's another verse uh Matthew 8:10 and Jesus hearing this marveled and said said to them that followed him amen I say to you I have not found so great faith in Israel and I (18:14) believe that refers to the scripture verse about the Centurion um whose servant is sick and Jesus says well I'll go and cure him and he says no he says you know Lord I'm not worthy to have you under my roof uh you know and but I as a soldier I tell this person to do this and he does it tell this one to d o that and he does it and they do it so this is the faith that Jesus is referring to Matthew 8:26 and Jesus saith to them why are you fearful oh ye of little faith then rising up he commanded the winds and the Sea and there came a great calm this was (18:52) the time when the boat was on the water with the disciples and the ship was taking in water and Jesus in the back of the ship sleeping right can you imagine that you're like oh gosh our ship's going down but there's the master he's in the ba ck sleeping which is a reminder that he's always with us to have faith it's like look I'm right here what are you what are you afraid of what are you nervous about I'm right here with you um Matthew 9:2 and behold they brought to him one sick of the paly lying in a bed and Jesus seeing their (19:22) faith said to the man sick of the py be of good heart son thy sins are forgiven thee and I can go on on and on with with verses like that but it gets down to having faith in God it's having faith in the the the God who loves you and he's not going to let you go so again there I I have no instant cure for fear sometimes you just feel it I mean think about the apostles how many times they were afraid how many times in scripture people are afraid how many times like even think about the resurrection right the fear the in in (20:06) the apostles I think it was Mary uh Mary Magdalene who was afraid so you're in good company and it's not a matter of you being perfect with faith against fear it's a matter of you continuing to fight to know what's true and what's true is that Jesus takes care of you he takes care of us God the Father takes care of us Mary our mother takes care of us so again dip into your Catholic faith read from the Saints read from those who have gone before you who have overcome probably the same things that you're overcoming how many how many (20:37) Saints had really bad they had bad families they came from families that just you know were mean or rotten to them or y ou know want to get rid of them think about the families of the first Christians think about family members turning other family members in into the you know into the Romans into the into the authorities and who are who are killed so even if you think your family's pretty bad there's some who's always worse they came from so take some time take a deep breath I'd say if nothing else if you're feeling afraid (21:12) just do something right Feel the fear and do it anyway so take the baby steps do w I did again and again and again Jesus doesn't get tired of that he doesn't get tired of waiting for you he doesn't get tired of welcoming you back and wrapping his arms around you he knows your weakness he knows your your failings and your faults he knows all that what he wants is for you to just trust him to come running back to him because he knows you have a fallen nature he knows how much help you need and he's there for you so these are all things hopefully to help you out.