From Overwhelm to Ease: The Emotional Healing Shift

Overwhelm isn’t just a sign of having too much on our plates—it’s a powerful mirror, reflecting hidden emotional triggers and deeper beliefs we may not even realize we're holding. In this episode, I explore how overwhelm can be a valuable tool for personal insight and healing. I break down how our relationship with busyness often masks unresolved emotions and keeps us stuck in cycles of stress. Through practical steps and self-reflection, we’ll learn how to shift our relationship with responsibilities, ease the mental weight, and create space for genuine peace and growth in both life and business.

Transcript

 Hey, you. Welcome back to the emotional revolution podcast. I'm Kayla Burch, and today we're diving into a topic that so many of us can relate to, and that's overwhelm. So it's that feeling like everything is just too much for us, like we're carrying all of the weight on our shoulders, all of the world, everything just resides on us. But what I want you to know about overwhelm is it isn't just about having a lot to do. A realm is actually a mirror. It's reflecting the deeper emotional issues that you may not be addressing, and we cannot do that. We don't do that here. Right? We look at what we need to look at. So in today's episode, we're gonna talk about how you can use overwhelm actually as a tool to understand what's really going on beneath the surface, and that will keep us from running away from it. So instead of running from the overwhelm, what we're gonna do is you're gonna learn how to face it head on and use it as an opportunity to heal those deeper emotional triggers. And so by the end of this episode, you're gonna have a new perspective on overwhelm. You're gonna have some practical ways to work through it, and you're gonna find more ease in your life and your business because you're not using overwhelm as an excuse any longer. So let's get into it. So when we think about overwhelm, we think about all of these different things. So all the stress, all of the responsibilities, and it just becomes this huge weight. And so we often at times think about overwhelm as a sign that we're too busy, that we have so much to do. There's so much on our plate. Right? But overwhelm is actually a mirror, and it's reflecting back to us those deeper emotional triggers. So when we think about all this stuff we have to do, and I want you to think about this in your life because I don't know about you, but I know for me personally, I used to wear overwhelm and busyness like an absolutely, like an absolute badge of honor. Like, the busier I was, then the better it was. Because it could prove to me and to others that I could do things. So it was allowing me to validate myself through how much I had to do. Through that whole superhero story that I created about myself. And it's a really interesting thing, you know, I have 4 children and I homeschool my 4 children. I have a thriving business. I have a lot of different things in my life. And now in my life, I have more than I've ever had to do. My kids are extremely busy, they're in all kinds of different sports. We have wrestling tournaments, swim meets, we have basketball, all of these things at one time. And I'm juggling all of this while running a successful business, while training other coaches to become coaches, while doing all of these things. And I am the least stressed I've ever been in my entire life. So what I want you to really think about is how much we lean on overwhelm in this badge of honor of being busy as a way to actually pull us away from being present with ourselves. Because going back to where I was talking about before, this version of me here that's not stressed and not overwhelmed with what I have going on in my life right now, that's not always what's been present. So what's been present has been a lot of resentment, a lot of shame, a lot of blame. And I think it's really important for us to recognize, 1, we have to go into that payoff of what I was gaining by staying in that. So I was staying in this cycle of overwhelm because I was getting something out of it. Because I was getting that badge of honor that I was capable and other people could start to see that as well. And so that's a really important part that you have to be able to recognize for yourself is what are you gaining from this? What are those positives and those benefits that you absolutely have to work through? Okay. So oftentimes, we run from the overwhelm. Right? We think I don't even wanna address it. It's everybody else's fault. If only my husband would support me more, or only if my my spouse was more present, or only if I had family members to help me and to back me up. Then and only then could I actually create this peace where I'm not bearing the weight of the world on my shoulders. Well, again, you have to ask yourself why. Why do you want that weight on your shoulders, and what can you do to move past it? Because overwhelm is always reflecting back to us a deeper emotional trigger that that we haven't fully addressed yet. Right? So this could be fear of failure. This could be the pressure to always be perfect, or it could be the need to please everyone around us, or it can be our need to be a victim. Right? And the overcomer. Right? The overcomer is something we don't ever think about as something that is hindering our growth because we think, oh, I can overcome. But when you constantly have to put yourself self into the overcomer state, then you truly are disrupting your ability to move forward. Right? And we're overlooking the clues to what's really going on within us. And so overwhelm is a sign of unresolved emotional triggers, of trauma, of conditioning, of stories. Right? It's not just a busy life, and it's not just that other people need to help and support you more. That is something that you absolutely have to remember. This isn't about anyone else. Right? You can create boundaries. You can ask for the support you need. Absolutely. Right? But that doesn't change anything. It's your relationship to your schedule. It's your relationship to your to do list. It's your relationship to your responsibilities that you are absolutely 100% responsible for addressing. And we have to begin to separate it. Right? So once you start recognizing overall as that mirror, you can use it as a tool to really start to heal. So instead of running from that overwhelm, trying to push through it, you have to ask yourself what it's trying to show you. Right? You have to be able to engage with our your life in the signals that it's showing back to you. Right? Do you not feel good enough? Do you not feel capable? Do you not feel appreciated? Right? So oftentimes, we lean back into these states of overwhelm to say, oh, I can do it. I'll prove myself to all of you that I am capable. I won't ask for help because, man, nobody can do it as good as me anyway. And he relates to that. Right? That story of nobody does it as good as I do. So I have to do it anyway, or I ask somebody else to do it and then I have to do it. What what that is, that is a complete and total story that we've created for ourself that other people aren't capable of supporting us. And the hard truth with that is is oftentimes we're not giving people the chance to actually support us. And we're putting a level of perfection on them, and we're projecting that, and we're not able to get that support. And so that's something that you have to address too, especially if you're not able to delegate. Alright? But we're really focusing not on delegation today, that's a whole another conversation for another day, which we will have. But what we're talking about today is the overwhelm and your need to be overwhelmed. So some of you may want to be turning me off right now and you're like, no, Kayla, absolutely not. I do not wanna be overwhelmed. But I would I will tell you right now, you're the only person in control of how you feel in that overwhelm that you're feeling, and you're getting something from it. You're always getting things in return until you are willing to step into that with on honesty, radical honesty with yourself, you will continue to repeat the same patterns over and over and over and over. So there are some practical things with overwhelm as well with delegation, with looking at your schedule, and with asking for help. Yes. But what we're focused on today is that emotional side. Right? That's our emotional revolution of taking complete and total responsibility for what's going on in our inner state. So, what you have to keep asking yourself is what is coming up? Why do I need to keep doing this? So, back to me, I was constantly overwhelmed. No matter how much I accomplished, I always felt like I couldn't catch my breath. I always felt like I needed to do more. I always felt like, oh, the next thing was happening in life, and it was just smashing me down, and I could never get caught up. I could never do it. It was always something. So I I would make a plan, I would make some progress, and then boom, out of nowhere, as it always is, life would show up. And it would tell me, oh, no, here's more. Now you have to deal with this trauma. Now you have to deal with this situation. Now you have to deal with this challenge. And I was in such a burden state, I couldn't even see straight. But all I could do is think, well, Kayla can handle this. Right? I can do this. And I was trying to offset my ability and my beliefs that I've always carried that I couldn't do it. So if you followed this podcast for long, or you followed me on my social medias, you know that my big story is that I just didn't feel capable. So I would do absolutely everything to prove that I was. So I would carry all of this fear, and all of this weight, and all this responsibility of others that wasn't mine, and it would really disrupt my ability to show up. It would disrupt my ability to show up in peace and even being effective, and very much leaning into my self sabotage. And so one thing that I really didn't wanna prove is I didn't want anyone else to know that I wasn't good enough. I never wanted anyone to do that, so I would was willing to risk my sanity, right, my peace to make sure nobody else knew that I wasn't good enough. Because I didn't think I was good enough. So I was overcompensating. I was overloading myself because I thought if I was constantly busy, then I could prove that I was good enough. And if I wasn't doing that, then I wasn't doing enough. And when I really looked at that belief and I started to dissect it, and I started to say, is that even true? Do I need to be doing all of these things? Am I actually making myself my life harder by projecting all of this busyness onto everybody else, having these unrealistic expectations, not feeling like anyone can support me? Am I making my life harder? Well, the answer was yes. And why was I doing that? I had nothing to do with my schedule. I had nothing to do with things would slow down next week. I had everything to do with my relationship to my life. And the relationship to my life was nothing was gonna be good enough until I felt good enough, until I felt content, until I felt capable and worthy of being able to have what we're talking about here is success. Successful life, not just business, but in my life in general. Right? I think of success as being happy, of being peaceful, and being calm, and being present. That's success to me. Now that shows up in different ways and I can be successful in what maybe society would deem as success in my business and also in my family life. But when I think about success, I think about just being in this inner state of calm and peace. So one of the things that really helped me was this belief or this idea, this huge paradigm shift of my responsibility. And so there's a quote and it's you're responsible to your children not for your children. I use this all the time. I use this all the time in my coaching practice with people who have kids, don't have kids, it doesn't matter. Because the way I break this down is you are responsible you're responsible to your children, not for them. So you're responsible to your children to love them, feed them, clothe them, guide them. But you're not responsible for them, which means you're not responsible for the fits that they throw. So if you're in the middle of Walmart and they're throwing a fit on the floor, and you're not responsible for the sounds that are coming out of their mouth, and then the way that their limbs are flailing all over. But you do have a responsibility to them, to teach them, and guide them, and love them. And that's our responsibility too. So what does that mean in the grand scheme of things? What are you responsible to not for? So that's what you have to begin to explore in every situation when you start to overpack the weight on your shoulders of things that you have to get done. If you don't do them, then nobody else's and everyone's happiness rides on you, which is a very interesting thing that I really challenge you to question with yourself. Right? How come you're the only person that can do this? How come you're the only person that can make other people's lives easier and happier? So now you're responsible to not for, you're not responsible for somebody else's happiness, right? You might have a responsibility to them to show up, to help them, to guide them, to love them, to teach them, but you're not responsible for their outcome, and for their thoughts, and for what they do. And oftentimes when we pack our schedule, it's not about so much the to do list, it's not about the tasks that we're putting on to our schedule, it's about the beliefs behind them that make us say yes. And that's the real big paradigm shift that I want you to have. So it's not about lessening your to do list, It's about understanding why you said yes in the 1st place, and what you're gaining from the overwhelm. What are you gaining from keeping yourself stuck? What are you gaining from keeping, you know, or continuing to say yes to everyone else, and no to yourself? That's a huge aspect of overwhelm. And what are you responsible to, and how can you release what you're not responsible for, and how can you begin to understand that for yourself? How can you actually ask yourself, how do I work through what this means to me? Right? So how can you start using overwhelm as a mirror in your own life? Right? What does that look like? Where are you using it to stay either hyper vigilant, so you're constantly moving, and moving, and moving, and moving, and moving, and doing so you don't have to slow down and address things. This happens a lot in clients, and it actually has happened in a lot of client calls over the last week. There's always thing themes that happen in the external world with clients who are across the world for me, but we seem to talk about a lot of the same things. And, you know, I like to say same shit, different package. So all of these different things of this overwhelm are coming in different packages, but it's all the same shit. Right? Everyone's trying to prove themselves to somebody else, and everyone's always trying to outrun guilt or shame, and so they're packing their schedules so full, so they can feel and really fulfill a need within them to avoid what they feel like they're lacking, instead of just looking at what you feel like you're lacking. Right? Is it confidence? Is it do you think that you're not capable? Do you think that you're not worthy? What does having a busy to do list prove to you? What does it bring you and what does it show you? This is always about asking ourselves questions. It's always about understanding ourselves to a deeper, deeper, deeper level. So it doesn't have to be complicated, but you will kind of sound like a maniac to yourself, because you start to have this internal dialogue back and forth, back and forth, back and forth of just beginning to understand why you believe what you believe. And how is this presenting itself in your internal environment? How is the external world being a mirror for you to see what you need to see in your internal state? What's the real issue here that I need to address? And so when we start to change that relationship with overwhelm and we stop acting like it's a bad thing, or we stop acting like it's a good thing too, right, wearing it as a badge of honor, we can do it either way. Our ego can go in any direction with this one. And so when we start when we stop acting like it is either the our badge of honor to hold us back from, you know, looking at what we need to look at or celebrating it, and we start to look at it as a tool. Oh, this is simply something I need to see for myself. This is something simply something that I need to explore. We can really shift our relationship to that overwhelm and then you can attack your schedule. Then you can look at the to do list, the more practical side of things. Right? So when you feel overwhelmed you don't have to rush to fix everything all at once. You have to be able to say, what is this overwhelm really about to me? Is it fear? Is it pressure? Am I trying to avoid something by staying busy? And, really allow yourself to sit in that discomfort and see what's coming up for you. There's no need to outrun our feelings. We're done with that. Right? It is we're going into 2025. 2025 is the year for your emotional revolution where you take ownership for what's happening inside of you in your internal state. You're not blaming anyone else, you're not blaming the climate, you're not blaming your environment, you're not blaming anything else. You're seeing it as a mirror to go inward. Right? And that's my challenge for you. Right? We're not sugarcoating things here. Ask yourself the hard questions and don't be afraid of it. Because if you don't ask yourself the hard questions, you're gonna stay stuck in the victimhood of being overwhelmed to your schedule. Right? That's as that's as simple as it can get. Right? So begin to question it. What is coming up for you? What is this really about? And what do you need to look at? Okay. Then you're acknowledging the emotion. Right? So once you've really identified what's really behind the overwhelm, you need to acknowledge it without judgment, whether it's fear, guilt, insecurity, give yourself permission to feel it. This is a key to healing. We're not outrunning emotions. Right? We're seeing emotions for what they are and we are simply embracing them without judgment. We're looking at them as a way to say, you're here. It's present. I'm okay with it. You're accepting what is. Right? That's what I always talk about in my TRM, right, is accepting what is. We're not trying to create resistance to what's in front of us and what's in front of you right now is in the package of overwhelm. Right? So we don't resist that, we start to explore it. We start to break it down. You start to take ownership of it. Right? You acknowledge it without judgment, it's present. I'm feeling guilty. I'm scared if I don't show up for this person, then they're not gonna be here for me. Then they will leave me and they won't appreciate me or they won't this. Well, here's the hard truth. Wouldn't you rather know sooner than later that they're not gonna support you? Right? You have your own boundaries. You love yourself enough to be able to step into this version of you that isn't bending over for everyone else and you're stepping into your authentic truth. Right? This is the key to healing. Give yourself permission to feel what's coming up, but you feel it without judgment, without attaching to it. Right? So now it's not just overly burdened, you're not just overly mad all the time, or you're overly reactive, or any of these other aspects. You're saying, oh, I'm mad. Right? This makes me angry. This triggers something within me that makes me that brings up the belief that I'm not good enough, or I'm not lovable enough, or that some people just can't support me. Why is that here? And now we work through that TRM. I'll link that again here, down at the bottom so you guys can work through that if you're not familiar with it. We're gonna be talking about it a lot here on the show, so you better just get used to that one. But the TRM is something that we work through. Right? So why is that here? What does that mean about me? And how do I let it go? Then that's how we work through that emotion. So we've identified that deeper issue. So you can journal about this. Right? So maybe you don't wanna be super, do a lot of deep inquiry, but maybe you just wanna journal. So just start to do some automatic writing or some journaling from a prompt of, like, what is this saying about me? What do I believe that this is? And so, when we do that, it brings forward a lot of our subconscious beliefs to help us be able to actually work through something. So we can begin to understand it in a deeper way than we didn't before because our subconscious beliefs are able to come to the surface. That's why I love automatic writing for this very specific purpose because you are able to see things that you wouldn't know and you just go back and read it and you're like, oh, crap. I didn't know that was there. Right? And so it's a really important aspect. So we want to pull back from this push through attitude. Right? So there's a lot of value in there's a lot of value in, resilience. There's a lot of value in challenging yourself to do things that are hard. But when you're doing things that are hard in spite of yourself, or you're doing it to spite somebody else, then you're not doing yourself a service. You're not actually being honest with yourself. Right? You're living out of fear, and guilt, and shame, and repression. And so, what you wanna do is you wanna get out of that pushing through overwhelmed. I can do everything on my own. But you have to ask yourself, why do I feel like I have to do everything on my own? What is that really showing me? What am I really scared of? What am I worried about? What are the beliefs associated with this? So you just begin to work through these aspects in a way that allows you to be really present with yourself. And the more present with yourself you are, the the more your peace comes up. You get elevated. You're more peaceful even in spite of maybe chaos in the external world. My life is extremely chaotic. My kids are chaotic. I love them, but they're it's just chaos all the time. They're home all the time. I work from home. We're doing school. We have a lot of learning disabilities at home. So there's so many different aspects that really challenge us on a daily basis. And the more I tapped into understanding my emotional triggers, the lower my re my reactions got. So I'm not as reactive to my children. I'm much more peaceful. Right? I'm not bear or wear carrying the burden of their responsibilities. And now I'm responsible to them. We talked about that. I have responsibility to show up, to help them, to guide them, to love them, and to teach them. But I'm not responsible for certain things that I would bear as my responsibilities from before. Because I let go of the belief that I had to. I let go of the belief that it proved something to them or to anyone else. That it made me better than what I thought I was. And so when you start to dismantle all of those different aspects, when you stop identifying with somebody who is an overcomer or somebody who is always busy or somebody who has it together and can do anything, when you stop identifying with that, what happens is you just start to show up as that. Or you're not trying to be anything, you just are. So when I start stopped identifying with it, it didn't mean I stopped overcoming things. It means I stopped seeking out something to overcome. And when you stop seeking out something to overcome, you just have the opportunity and the space to overcome it. So it's a really beautiful aspect that happens when we kind of pull back and we start to question. Right? So really question those beliefs and you want to begin to work through it. You wanna work through that emotion. Again, journaling, talking to someone. Maybe once you get to it, you know, you need to set a boundary. Have a episode, episode 3 is on boundaries. So go back and listen to the boundary episode. It comes at it from a different angle, so it can be really helpful for you as well to begin to explore that, from the boundary setting by saying yes to yourself. It's a really, really, really powerful aspect. So you begin to work through this overwhelm by understanding it. And so I really hope that you can change your relationship with overwhelm, and start to get a little closer to it, and start to see it for what it is, which is that mirror. And so that's a wrap for today's episode. I really hope that I gave you that new perspective on overwhelm. How it can be that really powerful tool for growth and your emotional healing. Right? So in your business and for your own personal life, how can you change your relationship with overwhelm? And my challenge for you is the next time that you feel that overwhelm don't push it away. Use it as a mirror to see what needs to be healed. And then as always I love hearing from you guys. It is one of my favorites. So share your reflections with me using that hashtag emotional revolution. Let me know how this shift is in helping you create more ease in your life and what it looks like for you. And hopefully, it's lessening the burden that you bear, and you can see it a little bit differently. Your your grip is a little bit looser. So if you're finding all of these episodes helpful, just make sure that you hit that subscribe button so you don't miss what's coming next. And remember that overwhelm is not the enemy. It's an opportunity to see what really needs to be addressed. And I'll see you in the next episode.