Episode 3: We Press On: Navigating Life with Intention

Navigating Single Motherhood: Empowerment, Challenges, and Community

In this episode of 'Spill the Tea with Bri,' host Bri engages in a heartfelt and honest discussion with Anna about the intricate journey of single motherhood. Anna recounts her journey from an unexpected pregnancy to planned motherhood with her then-husband. The conversation covers emotional preparedness, societal pressures, and the unique challenges single mothers face. Emphasizing the importance of intentionality in motherhood, the episode highlights the significance of building a supportive community or 'village,' addressing the stigma and isolation single mothers often experience. The discussion serves as a source of comfort and guidance, promoting solidarity and mutual support among single mothers.

00:00 Welcome to Spill the Tea with Bri

00:50 Anna's Journey to Single Motherhood

01:18 The Unexpected Pregnancy

02:18 Planned Parenthood and Life Goals

05:06 Support Systems and Motherhood

07:19 Challenges of Co-Parenting

08:53 Choosing Motherhood with Conviction

11:23 Support Systems and Sisterhood

11:52 Building Your Own Village

12:39 The Importance of Community

13:20 The Dangers of Isolation

14:52 Concluding Thoughts and Next Steps

Transcript

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Bribri 0:00

Welcome to Spill the Tea with Bri, the podcast where we're spilling all the tea on single motherhood, self care, and dating. I'm Bri, your host and fellow single mom, navigating life, love, and everything in between. Whether you're freshly single, thriving, or still figuring it all out, this is the place where you'll find real stories, honest advice, and a community that just gets it. So grab your favorite drink, get comfy, and let's dive into some juicy conversations that'll inspire, empower, and keep it all the way real. Ready? Let's spill the tea. All right. So thank you. When I, when I get it, do it, I can do it. Um, but today we have Anna, um, here with us today to share her success story. Um, and so I actually, this is not on the list, um, but I, I just want to know, like, how did you, what is your journey to single motherhood? Because. Everybody's journey is a little bit different. Ooh, that's good girl. Yeah. Well, my journey, I'm gonna keep it 100. Um, I was out and about, it was Memorial Day weekend. I was out, I was at the club with my girls and met this man and went home with him the only time I've ever done it, and um, yeah. Had unprotected sex. And you know what was hella weird? I had like, God speak to me and it was like, you're pregnant. And I was like, fuck. And like, I, it was like instant, like, it was like a sign, you know? And I was like, all right. And then I was like, okay, well, let me wait. If I miss my period, then it's for real. So wait, when you said that you had God tell you. Yeah. Was that like in the moment or was that like a couple weeks after, but before the miscarriage? It was that night. Yeah. Oh, that night. Literally like, it happened. It's official. And I was like, uh, did I just hear what I think I heard? Oh my God. Yeah. So that was number one. And then baby number two, I have two kids, was a couple of years later with my husband and I wanted kids. I was, you know, I had my firstborn. He was like a year and a half when we met. And yeah, so the second one was definitely planned and we tried, we tried for like three or four months to make that happen. I was like tracking my cycle, you know, waiting for the ovulation and then I would get sad when it like didn't happen and then it did, you know, and I was so happy and That's my story, girl. But I always knew I wanted to be a mom. Like when I was a little girl, like I was a teacher, I was a camp counselor. I was a coach. Like I was always with the kids. It was always in the cards for me. Like, I didn't think it was going to happen like that, but I was also like, well, girl, like you're a teacher, you're 27, you know, you're not a teenager, like you got this, this, you know, you're raised by a single mom. Like, you know what it is. But yeah, yeah. Wow. So you said you had your, your oldest, um, through the, was it? Did it end up being a one night stand? Yeah. Well, I mean, we like dated a little bit, but he was not the one like it was very obvious. And, um, you know, we co parent but, um, girl, I don't know sometimes shit like that happens and it was interesting because like a lot of women struggle with fertility, you know, and I just Didn't, you know, I mean, maybe with the, with the ex husband, but it was also like a full moon. It was hella weird. The astrology was super aligned. I looked at my cycle cause I've been tracking my cycle for years. And it was like the first day of ovulation. You know, he was like, are you sure? How do you know we need a DNA test? Blah, blah, blah. And I was like, look at my app. I'm a Virgo rising. Like, I don't play about this. Like, It's in the calendar, like I swear to God, you know, and, um, it was just hella funny that like the God universe told me you're pregnant, like, period, and I was like, and I kind of knew it was true though, you know what I mean? Like that's never happened before. I was with a boyfriend for like six years and never got pregnant, you know what I'm saying? Literally. It was meant to be. It was meant to be, you know what I mean? I think that we need to take away the shame and the stigma when like. You know, if you're a woman that's like ready, willing, capable, emotionally prepared, like do it girl, you know, unless something really screams, no, like you can do it, you know? Yeah. Yeah. We were just having, um, I was hanging out with my friends last, the weekend before last. Um, and you know, we're all one is 30. And then, no, two of us are 30. And then my, myself and our other friend, we've been friends since like elementary, middle school, we're turning 30 in the next couple of months. So, you know, I'm turning 30 next week, but, um, you know, one of the one who's almost turning 30 as well, uh, just kind of, uh, was sharing how, um, you know, she thought that she'd be married and have kids by now. And, uh, and I'm like, have kids. Like, you, you, you're not alone. I'm home all day. I will watch your baby like for free. I literally, I'll watch your baby for free because I love babies. But what I will not do is, you know, like keep your baby overnight too often because then I will not be able to show up well, but during the day I will hang out with your baby. I will take care of your baby while you work and you know, you still do that thing, whatever you got to do. And I know her parents, too, would also be very helpful. If you want the kid, have the kid. And then, you know. Yeah, I mean, I get it. Some women just don't. But if you're born and you have, like, mother instincts, and you've always were, like, the babysitter, you were always, like, with the kids and, like, At the family party, you're like, not with the adults, you're like with the kids, like, have the child, you know what I'm saying? Like, that's, yeah. Yeah, definitely. It's, especially in today's Age or whatever the expression is. I'm terrible with idioms. Um, you would think I wasn't like born here and English wasn't my first language the way that I'm really bad at idioms. So many people end up doing it anyway. Like marrying someone isn't a guarantee that they will raise the child with you anymore. Unfortunately. That's what I'm saying. And like a lot of couples, like you don't know who someone is until number one, like you move in with them. Right. Number two, the baby arrives. Like you guys could be fine on your own. That's what happened with my ex husband. We were fine on our own. We were fine with my little toddler. But then when the baby came, like he just couldn't handle it. We were just talking about capacity and threshold and like, he just was not able to, you know what I mean? Like, obviously you got your own story and your own upbringing, but I was like, well, I mean, I, this is my life path, you know? So I'm, I'm doing this and obviously I would love help and support and a partner, but if not, We press on, you know, yeah, exactly. Exactly. Which is such a, like, I agree with that now, but I have gone through my fair share of like the bitter, the anger, the sorrow about it all on my behalf at first. Cause I had, I had my oldest when I was 19. Okay. Um, and both my kids, they're 10 and five and they have the same dad. And so he, he was fine with, with the, with my oldest. And then it's like after the second baby came, that's where the issues. That's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So who knows now he's just like a distant uncle. He lives like out of state and stuff. You sound so sure about motherhood that you're kind of like, I'm doing this regardless. Right, but you sound like you're saying it from a space of choice intentionality and conviction, whereas a lot of single moms, myself included at one point, it felt like there was no choice, like, he's allowed to abandon the kids, but I'm not. And you know, like, I don't have that choice. It's like, technically, I could, right. But you are choosing it and you're like in that of like, well, I wanted to be a mom anyway. Yeah. I'm one of those girls. Like if I didn't meet a partner or do something, I would get an egg, like a sperm donor. You know what I mean? Like I'm one of those girls and coming from San Francisco, I'm born and raised over there. A lot of folks don't have kids until like thirties or, you know, 40, you know, cause it's California. Right. And so I was like, I mean, that would be So sad, but I knew like abortion was never in the cards for me. Maybe if there was like a rape situation or I was a teenager or like, I didn't have the mental strength and like surety like you're talking about maybe, but that's just not me. That's not my personality. That's not my, like, that's not me. And I don't have any shame or whatever for any women that do do that because you're doing what you need to do, girl. Like. Nobody knows better than you. Right. Yeah. But you know, at the end of the day, so much of the weight falls on the woman anyways, you know, the whole like a married single mom thing. I keep seeing a lot. Um, yeah, that was me, you know, I kinda, it's just such a common thing these days that it's sure. There are still people who like stigmatize it and the stigma is still definitely there, but it's, there's just as many, if not more people who just see it as like part of life. Yeah. And I think what we need more of is just good mothers. You know what I mean? Think of all the people that have kids by accident or they think they're supposed to, but they're just like not attentive. They're not around. And then the kid is like sad and looking for other role models and parental figures. And it's like, if you want it, figure it out. You could become an auntie. You can adopt a baby. You can help another single mom. Like I wouldn't be where I am today without my squad of sisters, like my sisterhood. Is so solid. And it's not my family. My family is not very kid friendly. And that was really sad for me. They were kind of guilt tripping. They were on the abortion train. They were very aggressive with me. And I'm like, none of y'all ever worked with kids. Like none of you have ever been interested. And I'm. How dare you speak to me like this, you know what I'm saying? So that's why I live in St. Louis. And I'm like, this is where I'm raising my family. This is my village over here. So you also have to build your own. Yes, yes, 100%. And I think it can be incredibly lonely if you don't do that as a single mom. just whoever your community is, you know, it doesn't have to be family. It can be friends. It can be other single moms. It can be, you know, a partner who's not necessarily the person that you had kids with. But I recommend that you don't just leave it as just your partner. Cause that's still, or even kid is a lot for two people. One person, it's a whole lot, two people. It's a whole lot, but like a village, there's a reason the expression exists. But that community piece, even if it's just like starting online, just finding But it also has like a really deep and like, I think it's really nice to have some people who are going through the same thing online. I mean, heck, that's part of why I'm doing what I do so that. People can at least feel like they have a sense of community in this sense of like, okay, they're talking about stuff that I've been through. Yeah. So I'm not alone. Cause I've been, I've been in that alone, like feeling like. I didn't have any support as a single mom. And it's just not, it's just not a fun place to be. It's, I don't even want to say it's not fun. It's deadly. Yeah. It's deadly. Yeah. Deadly. That's the word. That's the word. They say, cancers, it's when a cell isolates and it, it mutates into a cancer cell. And then it like creates more cancer cells, you know? So isolation is the problem, like Corona and the lockdowns. I'm like, This is so tough. I was like, this is really evil. Like a lot of people are not going to make it out of this because they don't like the wherewithal to, to be solid. And, um, women like we can do this, man. We're built for this, but we can't do it without a tribe. We need elders. We need people like, do you have teenagers? Are your kids in college? Do you have grandbabies? Like, give me some wisdom. You know, how do you co parent successfully? What did you do when your dad? When the father was arrested or in prison, like how did you handle shit? You know what I'm saying? Like we need these narratives and stories. That, um, it's dangerous to be taboo, right? Like it is deadly, like you said, like people will die if, if we don't commune. Yeah, it's, um, I'm not going to tell my whole, uh, sob story, but I literally, I have a friend who died. Oof that of just the single motherhood journey was just, I actually don't even know if that's the exact reason, but definitely though, right? Like if it, it was, if it was a cumulative, like it had to be definitely part Yeah. A serious player. Yeah. Yeah.

14:54

Oh, my gosh, it looks. Like our call got cut short right there. But don't worry. Part two is coming up next. I'm so excited reading. To hear the rest of the conversation. It got soup. It was already lit, but it got super. After this. Um, I may actually, uh, Edit it into two more episodes instead of just one more episode. Episode, because it really went on that long. We'll see how much I end up having to cut out. But I just want to say thank you so, so much for. We're listening to the single mom glow up. If you loved it, today's episode. Episode, don't forget to subscribe, leave a review, share with another. Amazing single mom. And I cannot wait to glow up. With you and Anna in the next episode. See you soon. Mamma.