The Single Mom Glow Up with Bribri

Episode 4: We Press On--Navigating Single Motherhood with Intention Part Two

• Brianna Sanders • Season 1 • Episode 4

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Navigating Challenges and Embracing Empowerment: Single Moms Share Their Journeys


In this episode of 'Single Mom Glow Up,' host Bri Bri (@bribri.core) and guest Anna (@align.with.Anna) delve into the intricacies of single motherhood, covering topics like overcoming childcare challenges, maintaining self-care, and dating advice. Ana shares her personal story of navigating childcare as a single mom and offers profound insights into trusting one's intuition, setting boundaries, and the importance of communal support. The episode is filled with honest conversations, practical tips, and inspiring messages to empower single moms on their journey.

00:00 Welcome to the Single Mom Glow Up Podcast

00:35 Continuing from the Cliffhanger

01:31 Challenges of Childcare as a Single Mom

04:15 Trusting Childcare and Finding Support

05:47 Balancing Work and Motherhood

07:25 The Struggles of Modern Motherhood

10:22 Dating as a Single Mom

14:48 The Importance of Community and Support

19:23 Leveraging AI for Easier Living

19:50 The Ever-Changing Nature of Motherhood

20:52 Trusting Your Intuition in Dating

23:00 Setting Boundaries and Honoring Yourself

24:47 Evaluating Relationships and Personal Growth

30:11 The Importance of Self-Trust and Small Wins

35:12 Balancing Grace and Boundaries

37:35 Final Thoughts and Staying Connected

Thanks so much for tuning in today! If you’re feeling inspired to set boundaries that truly work for you, be sure to check out my Boundaries Blueprint. It’s packed with practical steps to help you protect your energy and thrive as a single mom. And if you're ready to dive deeper into dating with confidence, I’ve got two resources you’ll love: The Single Mom Dating Profile Creation Guide to help you stand out authentically, and The Dating Confidence Workbook, which is all about showing up as your best self. You can find links to all of these in the show notes. Until next time, keep embracing your journey and remember—you’re not alone in this!

Support the show

Welcome back to the single mom glow up the podcast where we're spilling all the tea on single motherhood self care and dating. I'm Bree, Bree, your host and fellow single mom, navigating life love and everything in between. Wherever you are on your single mom journey this is a place where you'll find real stories, honest advice, and a community that just gets it. So grab your favorite drink, get comfy and let's dive into some juicy conversations that will inspire inspire empower and keep it all the way real. So if your joining us in this episode from last episode you will know that you are resuming a cliffhanger. And so if you happen to be joining and you're starting here at episode four. Um, you may want to go back to episode three and listen to that first and then come right back over over here to listen to the rest of this story. Because, uh, Me and Ana or definitely getting into some deep stuff in this episode code is actually a lot longer than that first episode. Because we just kept going because the conversation was so wonderful and profound. So I'm going to stop talking and let you listen to the rest of the conversation.

Bri Bri:

Okay. So I want to get into that first question. What is the biggest challenge that you've faced as a single mom?

Anna:

The biggest challenge for me was childcare. And that was because I live away from home and I'm not from here. So at the time I knew I was going to be a single mom, like at conception basically. And so when the baby was born, I was like, okay, Anna, um, you want to detox because you had a C section and you don't like all these chemicals and stuff. So you're going to do 30 days of hot yoga. I'm a yoga girl. And I was so you're going to challenge yourself. You're going to ask for 30 days in a row of child care so you can complete this challenge. And it was something like, you know, it was something that I wanted to do. To force myself to speak up throat chakra. Number one, number two, to eliminate any shame around asking for help. And then number three, honestly, to like, see who was really there for me. I knew that these ass, like I had to ask over like 100 people in these 30 days and I got so many no's. I got so many no's and I was like, I don't give a fuck. Like I'm a mom. I, I need support. You know what I'm saying? I know the right people are going to help me. And I completed it. I completed the whole 30 days. And after that, like I tell them people, yeah. And I'm like, yo, if you're on your own, like challenge yourself. Challenge yourself to ask for help. And then from there, it was so much easier. I made friends who could help me in other moments who had kids or nieces and nephews. They just connected me with babysitters. It was like the ball was rolling after that. I solved so many problems by challenging myself.

Bri Bri:

You cleared that you clear, you did it. Like you did the whole thing. Yeah. Mm hmm. Wow. Yeah, that is. I've been blessed that, you know, I was like, well, it's, it's a blessing, but it's also kind of, I also like despise being like, mom, can I go to, like, I feel like a teenager. Right. Right. Exactly. Um, now my kids are both school age though. Like I just align things for when they're at school. Yeah. But before that, which literally was, well, my son was in school last year cause we have a pre K program here. Um, but yeah, that childcare piece. Um, and it's, it's like you asked hun, uh, you said a hundred or hundreds. Yeah, like it was more than a hundred.

Anna:

It was over a hundred. Yeah. Yeah. And over a hundred people.

Bri Bri:

And it's like, it's one thing to ask people and to find people and to do that, especially when you're not used to advocating for yourself in that way or for asking for help in that way. And then it's another thing to be like, okay, like it worked. Here's this person who's going to watch my kid and I'm going to leave my kid with this person that I found out of a pool of a hundred something people, like, what is that?

Anna:

Yeah, the ultimate faith, the ultimate trust and vulnerability, you know, and I'm not asking for an eight hour shift. I'm asking for like two hours so I can go and shower and like, I would shower there and just come straight home, you know, just so I can have my driving time to make it. But. Yeah. That's it. Girl. Yeah. And then I think besides, you know, the initial baby phase, it's like trusting the right childcare centers, you know, they are, oh my God, girl, there's such a range in, you know, who is really like child centered. I really advocate for like gentle parenting. I finally got my youngest in Montessori. He just started this year. It's a blessing, right? Like, I just kind of like you, like I got all these blessings that just like dropped in my lap and I was like, Hey, right. And then when you're like in survival mode and you're just trying to work, like I brought my baby to all of my meetings, I knew that like entrepreneurship was the only lane for me because I'm here by myself. There's no fucking way that I can do a salary job and have, there's no fucking way, you know? And so, yeah. Yeah, I just knew that that was it. And it starts now, you know, um, and I think in hindsight, perhaps I would have done a little bit more research or prepared a little bit more maybe while I was pregnant. Um, but yeah, that was my last day at school. I used to work in juvenile detention. I was a special education, education, teacher behavior was my jam, mostly high school kids, but you know, like when I had my emergency C section, that was my last day at work, literally. And I, like, I'm not going back for like 14 something an hour. Like what?

Bri Bri:

Yeah. It's not worth the trade off when you're losing, you're not just losing your own time, but you're losing time that you can never get back with your child.

Anna:

Yeah, and I learned that like first responders and a lot of doctors and hospitals have a child care center at their job site. And I was like, what? Yeah, like literally they can just go to work and drop off their kids at the nurses or whatever. They have like, a private center for the people that work there. And I was like, Oh,

Bri Bri:

that's wonderful.

Anna:

Yeah. And I was like, well, why doesn't everybody else have this? You know what I'm saying? Yeah.

Bri Bri:

That should be the norm.

Anna:

The standard. And women have been having children since the beginning of time. Like how have we not figured out childcare by now? Like this is because

Bri Bri:

it's like a prop because women are supposed to stay home and watch the child while the man goes to work. And it's like, but that's. If

Anna:

he

Bri Bri:

does. That's not happening anymore because the economy doesn't allow for it. And so if a woman is working and has kids, it's, why aren't you with your kids? But if a woman is working, is not working and spends all her time with her kids, it's like, why are you not working? We just hate, we just hate women, apparently. Do you remember, did you see the Barbie movie? I actually didn't. Like, oddly enough, I just never got around to seeing it.

Anna:

Okay, well, like, it's good. It's funny. It's weird. It's kind of stupid. Ferrera, she said, as a woman, you're too fat, you're too ugly, you're too this, you're too that. Like, nothing is good enough, you know? And I just like, Feel it. And she's just like, I'm doing my best every fucking day. We don't need any more competition. We don't need any more side eyes. We don't need any more like backtalk, like gossip, like what the fuck we're all in here doing the same thing.

Bri Bri:

Yep. Yeah, yeah, it's like if you're not one if it's not something that can be changed like in two seconds Just be quiet. Yes And two if you're not going to do anything to help or to change it Because saying something isn't usually in most cases saying something isn't helping and it isn't going to change it Yeah, say it like just mind yours

Anna:

Mind yours. Yeah, and I think something that I keep in mind is like will this matter five years from now?

Bri Bri:

Yeah. Yeah, that's a big one. That's just so that's so good for prioritizing when especially when it feels like everything is just Like everything feels like a priority.

Anna:

Yeah. Like what's worth fighting for what's worth investing my time in and like circling back and like advocating for yourself. For me at schools, 100%, I'm always going to advocate for schools. I'm always going to advocate for healthcare, the right providers for my babies. That's going to matter in five years. That's going to fundamentally shape my babies.

Bri Bri:

Yes.

Anna:

Um, but some of this other shit, like, you know, your clothing or your hair or, you know, what you're eating, like that shit is not going to matter in five years, you know,

Bri Bri:

you know, a hundred percent. Like there's so much pressure on us to be perfect. Whether that pressure is internal or external and just keeping it prioritized or keeping your priority straight, which. Isn't like something where it's like, okay, my priorities are straight. Let me just keep going. Like, no, sometimes that can be a daily practice, depending on how wild things.

Anna:

100%.

Bri Bri:

So, okay. Let's get into this next question. So what, well, first of all, are you currently dating?

Anna:

I am sporadically.

Bri Bri:

Okay. Okay. And so what would be one piece of advice you'd give to single moms about dating?

Anna:

Single moms about dating. Trust your intuition. Don't waste time. Talk to them on the phone first. You can handle so much with a phone call. Like before I even hire a babysitter and invest for real, like we need to talk on the phone period. Um, I also, I think I really want another father, you know, I have dated single folks. Some of them are kid friendly, but like, I think at the end of the day, they don't really understand the demands that we're under and, um, you know, like decision fatigue, right? Like a mom has to make like a hundred decisions before she even leaves the front door in the morning. So if you can't, um, read between the lines. Like I'm not, I'm not adding you into my life. Yeah.

Bri Bri:

No, that's, that's a good one. That is so important. My, uh, my most recent ex, um, we actually, what day is it? We've been broken up for like a month and a half, so it's still a little fresh. It was amicable, just life got in the way in a way that, you know, we've been doing better apart, which is good for both of us. Yeah. It still, it still hurts. Um, but no, he um, he doesn't have any kids of his own. You know, other than the dog we adopted together. Um, but he's kind of similar to you in that he's like worked with kids. A lot. Um, and so he understands them really well. And so he was really good about what you just mentioned, which was like, he lightened the, when he could, you know, like I said, life started to get in the way, but when he could like, he would just watch what I did. And then once he got it, he would step in and do that. Especially, you know, like, you know, I'm kind of chilling right now, but like this morning I had a full blown autistic meltdown. And so I was like, Oh my gosh, like I need to do this and do that. And was freaking out, but like still doing the thing. And I was like, man, this would be a great time for, you know, if he was here, he would just step in.

Anna:

Hmm.

Bri Bri:

And he would do the things because he knows what to do and he's not going to sit there and be it, you know, asking me a question while I'm like freaking out. He just knows what to do. Yeah. So he was an absolute blessing. It was, I was, it was so refreshing to meet someone like that because I know of people who have their own kids

Anna:

and

Bri Bri:

they don't, you know, They just don't.

Anna:

Yeah. It's not always the tell all it's not always accurate, you know? Um, but yeah, I, yeah, I just think trust your intuition, be very upfront. Like I'm like, I have two kids like immediately, you know what I mean? Like I'm divorced. Like I keep it like a thousand, like,

Bri Bri:

yeah,

Anna:

you know,

Bri Bri:

chase away the wrong guys. Like if someone gets chased away, so many people are like, Oh my gosh, but I don't want them to run away before they like, let them run away. Bye. Yeah, it's okay. You do not want someone who would run away because you had kids Because you have kids.

Anna:

Yeah, there's no shortage of men out here. There's so many men, like period. So many. Yeah. It's just about like, which one is aligned for you? Which one, just like you said, is observing, is watching, is like, you know, thinking ahead, right? Like, I don't want another baby, you know? And like, When I was in my marriage, it was like another baby. And I was like, look, man, like, if you're not going to do some grocery shopping and you're not going to help me pick up and drop off, like, what the fuck are you here for?

Bri Bri:

Right. Right. And, you know, a lot of men will be like, well, who the booze? And it's like, so do I, like, what are you here for

Anna:

again? Yes, girl. Yeah. And keeping the faith, you know, I think there's such a stigma, especially online. There's a lot of haters, you know, like about single motherhood and just keep the faith. There's a lot of good people out here. And I think in 2024, this is like the age of awakening, you know, like. Like we're about to hit Aquarius, you know, the age of Aquarius and, you know, after Corona, like there's been so much change, so much change and, um, yeah, the ones who are really like on it are grounded, they're grounded and they're solid and they can see the day to day and they know like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna step to a single mom if I don't come correct.

Bri Bri:

Yeah. Oh yeah. A hundred percent. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they are out there. There are also a lot of, uh, a lot of fools. You just need one. You just need one.

Anna:

You just need one.

Bri Bri:

Unless you're poly. In

Anna:

which case, do you girl,

Bri Bri:

you still only need one.

Anna:

Yeah. You still, and then you can,

Bri Bri:

you can just like add, you know, you can go from there. Like once you have the one, you know, you still have, you just need one. And then you're like, okay, I know. All right. Like this is affirming. Like, you know, people don't hate single moms. Now, you know,

Anna:

I have some friends that are poly and they're married, but like, I'm there, they're like open, you know, and I'm like, I think they want me, like, I think they want me.

Bri Bri:

But like, are they going to say it? Like, do you say, cause you feel it, but do you say

Anna:

something? Yeah. But like. What is the village? Really? You know what I mean? Like, yeah, how can the village really be? And like, it would be kind of cool. Like, I know some other folks are like, okay, well, I'm a single mom and I've been dating, but nothing's happening. So I'm just going to buy a house with like another single mom. And we're going to raise our kids together, like co co living, co habitating. And I'm like, dude, that would be fucking amazing. Cause some of these women are going to be your ride or dies. Right? Like, yeah. They're going to give you so much more love than like any of the men you've ever seen, right?

Bri Bri:

Exactly. Until you

Anna:

find, you know, bae. But like, in the meantime, I'm open, you know, and I'm just like, uh, keeping the faith, trusting, but surrounding myself with really good people that understand the village mentality.

Bri Bri:

Yes, yeah, I think some people are calling them Mamuns. Ooh,

Anna:

I love that. I mean, where's bad? Like you can still date people if you want to, but like my date, like, okay, one mom's doing dinner. The other mom's taking them to the park. Okay. The other one's going to do arts and crafts. Okay. Dance upstairs, you know,

Bri Bri:

like what's cleaning. Like, yes, I was just having this conversation with a single mom, friend of mine. And I'm like, she's, what did she say? Oh, she said if she could just afford to hire a private chef, she would just have a private chef all the time. And I like, I would never. hire a private chef, but I sure would hire someone to do the cleaning for me. Right. And so we both she's like, I'll do the cleaning. I just don't want to do the cooking. And so it's just, it's like finding people who align in those ways. It's like, I don't know. I think you're so right with, you know, the age changing and, you know, people are changing. And I think we're going to see a lot of unconventional stuff happening.

Anna:

Yes. Yes.

Bri Bri:

Yeah. A good unconventional I'm hoping positive, uplifting, unconventional, but you know, everything has a light side and a shadow side. So

Anna:

it does. Right. Wait, look, we just need boundaries. If we're going over here, we still need to have some boundaries. Right. Um, but yeah, we're communal people. Man does not live on an island, you know, for everyone to have their own house and their own refrigerator, their own electricity, their own like transportation. It's like, it's wasteful, you know, like it's hurting the earth. Right. Right. It's hurting your pockets, like it's stressing you out, you know, you're isolated. Your kids are not really getting like the multi generational, the elders, the like, sisters and cousins, like there's a lot of problems with that. And that was like Capricorn, that's the Capricorn like CEO boss thing. But if we're moving from Capricorn to Aquarius, Aquarius is about the collective. It's about sharing, but also using like technology. Aquarius is kind of a nerd, you know?

Bri Bri:

My dad's in Aquarius, so.

Anna:

Very different, very outlandish, very like unique and kind of rebellious. But we can use tech like AI to like help us, you know what I'm saying? Like, can we, what can we automate? What, what shit can be like, um, delegated to make our lives easier? Not everything, obviously, because the human touch and mothers, you know, nobody's like a mother. A, a machine will never replace us. Yeah,

Bri Bri:

that'll be, I can't even like fathom that. Yeah, because motherhood is just changing, like it's just always changing in the moment. I was just saying this, what was that yesterday, two days ago, um, how it's like, it doesn't like your kid today is not going to be the same tomorrow, the next, I mean, and maybe it feels like it, but like, there's going to be a shift. And you don't know when that's going to happen. You don't know how it's going to happen. You don't know how long it'll be for like, they're always changing. And both kids are different. Like, as much as you want to say like, Oh, I raised both my kids exactly the same. Like, if you're doing that, you're probably doing harm to one of them because they're different people.

Anna:

They're different and time passes, you know, like Every day we learn something new if you're paying attention.

Bri Bri:

Yes, that's the key, right? Because if you're in survival mode, it's very difficult to kind of pay attention outwardly if all your attention is focused on survival.

Anna:

Yeah.

Bri Bri:

So there was something else that you said, oh, that I wanted it that the trusting your intuition while dating is like a major key. I can't tell you the number of times. Not so much recently, I finally broke out of it, but the number of times where I was dating someone and something happened in the early stages and I overlooked it, my intuition was like, you should like cut things off right now. And I was like, well, let's see, And that's a slippery slope. And it became a slippery slope and much worse things happened down the line. And then, you know, they, in both cases, they ended up breaking up with me or both. cases that resulted in a relationship, they ended up breaking up with me. And I could go back months and be like, right there is where I should have cut things off right there is with where this major red flag was a tiny red flag that I should have just handed things over. And so, you know, all the interactions I've had and all the stories that I've heard of other single moms, like I see, first of all, I see those moments happening. I'm like, This is it. Like, this is that thing that if you keep going, you're gonna look back in a few months or a few years and be like, I should've stopped it right here. Or I ask that. I'm like, is this something that if you were to look back after a breakup, you'd be like, I should've ended things here? Yeah, because sometimes we override our intuition. Right. And I think a lot of, a lot of dating and relational, not even just like specifically romantic relationships, but relational in general advice to women is to override that intuition, right? Like, like that email that I got today, right? Like I started off, my initial reaction was like, this is weird. Right. But then I started to do the whole like, well, maybe I should give her a chance or maybe dah, dah, dah. And it's like, no, it's. There's something off about it. My intuition don't like it, right? Like Yeah. Let me just, I don't have to do this.

Anna:

Yeah. And I don't need all the information. Like I don't need to make up a story about why, you know, that's really scarcity at the end of the day. It's the people pleaser, you know, it's thinking that you need to be polite and like agreeable, like don't be a bitch, but it's like, am I, or am I just like intuitive where, yeah. You know, like I have what I need now to know that this is not it.

Bri Bri:

Yeah, it's not bitchy to say no, thank you. Yeah. Like, it's just, it's just a simple boundary. Like, Hey, no, thank you. We're done. Yeah.

Anna:

It's honoring your culture. Yeah. And when you're a single mom, it's you. Like no one is going to step in and be like, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. You know, it's you and your kids are looking at you. If you let that slide, who is your, your child going to date when they get older?

Bri Bri:

100%.

Anna:

Right? Like I've been single for three years since my divorce and I'm so cutthroat, you know, like you're not meeting my babies unless we're gonna make it official. Right? And then I have cut people off that at that time. And I'm like, Nope, that interaction was not it. You know? So you just like, I went back to like, My ex husband, like you might be cool alone, but then like with the kids, it can be completely different, you know? And so we need to see people in different environments. We need to see people when the plans don't go, um, according to plan, you know, like, how do you handle, um, inconveniences? You know, like, how are you when you're stressed out? How are you with your family? Okay. How are you, what are your friends like, you know, like, What does your house look like? Are you like a hoarder? Do you have like a bunch of weird shit at your house? You know, like I need, we need, time needs to happen and like make people work for it. You know what I'm saying? And there's nothing wrong. That's, that's what the exchange is about. Like it needs to be mutually beneficial. And like, People hate the word transactional, but like, Hey man, is this, is this really like not only efficient and like effective, but is it like beneficial for us all?

Bri Bri:

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I think transactional gets where it gets people is like when it gets down to like the, what's it called? The teensy details or where it's like, where it's used as a manipulation tool basically. But like it should it should be equal and it doesn't have to be equal 100 percent of the time right because everybody has good days everybody has bad days. And so you know, you may be having a good day someone else may be having a bad day you may both be having a bad day or whatever. But you're right like I think a lot of times we're used to. We're used to not my brain's like going everywhere right now it's like it like jumped to another analogy. But it's like, especially in the early stages, you know, you're taught or I don't know, when are we taught this? A lot of people focus on whether or not the person that they're dating likes them. Right. And so when you get into like that transaction piece, it's like, okay, I have to make this person like me. Like, what can I do? What can I give? What can I, uh, how can I be different? Like how can I be what they want? Right.

Anna:

Right.

Bri Bri:

Okay. Um, but it's like, do you even like them or do you like the attention that they're giving you? Yes. And so that's where that transactional piece, I think come to, at least in the early that it gets, it gets different as you get deeper into relationships, but

Anna:

yeah,

Bri Bri:

early stages, especially where it's like, how much have you given into this? Like what's, what's the ratio of your texts, your text messages to their texts? Right. Yeah. Like you need to look at that to see how much energy you're giving to the connection and is it equal Cause if it's not, that's how it's going to be. Like if you want it to be like that forever, we're going to get

Anna:

worse, right? Like the beginning is supposed to be the best. The beginning is supposed to be amazing. Right? If we got these problems up front, don't you dare commit? Don't you dare move in? Don't you dare invest like that? Like going

Bri Bri:

to make him change if anything, the only change you're going to see is him digging his heels into the same behavior. Unless he decides to change,

Anna:

right.

Bri Bri:

But there is nothing that someone else can do to make him come to that decision.

Anna:

Yeah.

Bri Bri:

Ever. That's between him and, you know, God, whoever he believes in, like, that's, That's a

Anna:

personal, that's a personal journey. Yeah. Yeah.

Bri Bri:

That's you being the perfect woman in his eyes. Or you making yourself, you contorting yourself into what you think is his perfect woman. Is not going to make a shifting,

Anna:

like, girl, what like, you know, I'm right.

Bri Bri:

I might sound a bit shady, but like, I I'm saying all this as someone who has been that I've done that. Okay. So I'm not judging. I'm speaking to a former version of myself. All right, but if it hits, it hits. Okay. Because like I, you know, like I said, I had my daughter at 19. I was,

Anna:

I was

Bri Bri:

naive, man. And then I was with her dad for like seven years. I spent most of my early adulthood when most people are just messing around, having fun, learning how to date. Right. I spent that with a baby and then another baby.

Anna:

Yeah. So like when

Bri Bri:

that ended and I started dating,

Anna:

Oh

Bri Bri:

my God, I didn't know what the heck I was doing.

Anna:

Yeah, I feel like that too. I feel like a baby dater.

Bri Bri:

Yeah. You know, like in my current You are super grounded though. Thank you. Yeah. You're not falling for the BS and stuff. I fell for everything. I literally had one guy tell me, he's like, I'm going to ruin your life. And I was like, is that a good thing? Like I texted my boyfriend, is that a good thing? Like, does that mean that he wants to marry me? Like, no, he literally point blank told me he was going to ruin my life.

Anna:

Yeah, and I

Bri Bri:

entertained it for a while. It looks so bad.

Anna:

So bad girl. Yeah, girl. I know. I know. Um, but yeah, a lot of the stuff the hard way. Yeah. Yeah. And life is hard enough, you know, single mom.

Bri Bri:

Life is hard enough. Yeah,

Anna:

we don't need to make anything any harder. Like, okay, your intuition saw what you saw, you know what I mean? Like, don't gaslight yourself. You saw what you saw, you know, you're in charge of your own destiny here. Like,

Bri Bri:

Yeah, trust it. And if you have trouble trusting it, cause I had trouble. I used to struggle to listen to my intuition, it was there, but like, I didn't know, like I said, you know, I was so young. And like, I just didn't know how to listen to my intuition. And so one of my biggest, one of the things I say all the time is like to learn to trust yourself by just, you know, doing a little, like the small, I think the first small promise I made to myself every day was like, I'm going to drink one cup of water. Cause like I struggled to drink enough water. Um, and I was like, you know, if I do that every day, it means I made a promise to myself in the morning and I kept that promise. Right. And so the smaller it is, especially, you know, cause I was like deep in depression at that point. So make it smaller, depending on what your capacity is. Don't do something big. Like, Oh, I'm going to work like your 30 day hot yoga. It's impressive. Don't get me wrong, but I don't know if I can do that now, but like, it's great. And it's an amazing accomplishment. Um, And I'm glad that you have the capacity for it and you did it like that's amazing like I'm very much like a let's let the baby step it my system is very much like a baby step kind of system. And so, that's okay, I'm saying all that say that's okay too it's just building, because it's one thing to hear your intuition and it's another thing to be able to listen to it against what your programming has been your whole life. And so that's a

Anna:

girl.

Bri Bri:

You just got to practice it. Like you, you gon slip up, you gon make mistakes. You gon fall for the same dumb line a few more times maybe if you're as hard headed as I am. But like, you'll be okay. You'll figure it out. No, you'll figure it out. Or you won't, and like, that'll be your life. But like, that's also not necessarily the ending. Yeah. Like, some people live perfectly okay, mostly happy lives, but they also are still in kind of like a not great relationship. But they find other things to fulfill. I say all that to say relationships aren't the end all be all. Like I can talk about them all day because that's, you know, like my autistic special interest, but they are not the end all be all. Even though a lot of people grow up with, like, you grew up knowing that you wanted to be a mother, right? Like I grew up knowing that I wanted to be in a relationship and married and like kids were part of that, right? Like,

Anna:

okay. I don't even want to

Bri Bri:

say, you know, as much as I can't stand their dad, like, I don't regret being with him because if I wasn't with him, I wouldn't have them.

Anna:

Yeah. And I wouldn't be who I am today. I wouldn't have learned these lessons, you know, and sometimes your intuition sharpens when the baby comes, right? Mother's intuition, like,

Bri Bri:

yes.

Anna:

It's not even that loud sometimes until the baby comes. Cause the baby's super loud.

Bri Bri:

Yep. Or the opposite. I will hyper focus like I, you can, if I'm focused on some actually, I may have always been like this. Nevermind. I'm very good at tuning out like the sounds of children unless they sound a certain way that's when that intuition kicks in but when they're just like screaming for fun or like for drama I'm like I don't even hear it sometimes but then other times if it has a certain quality to it I'm immediately like

Anna:

Is everyone okay? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like the greatest relationship is the one with yourself.

Bri Bri:

Yeah.

Anna:

Yeah. At the end of the day, like, you know, you're the one that has to live in your own body. You're the one that has to like, you know, call the shots for you. So like honor you, these small wins, right? Like, What's going to make me successful? Okay. Well, maybe journaling every day is a good start. Maybe like a friend once a week just to decompress is a good start. You know, maybe going for a walk. That's my start. Action builds confidence.

Bri Bri:

It does. It does the same way that, you know, this is, this is my Scorpio Mercury speaking, um, the same way that I'm very much in actions. What's it? Actions over words kind of person after, you know, years of being with someone who would give me words and words and words and the actions didn't match. Um, that, that counts for yourself too. Like if you're sitting there and saying like, you know, like affirmations can be great, but if you're not acting on them, you're gaslighting yourself. And so, you know, that kind of thing of like, that's why, you know, if you need to. And even if you start with a bigger promise and you realize it's too big, you know, if you need to make it bite size, make it like the tiniest nibble size, um, because the goal is to do it right. The goal isn't to set the goal. The goal is to do it

Anna:

right. So you gotta,

Bri Bri:

you gotta do it so that you can, like you said, so that you take care of yourself.

Anna:

Yeah. One of my friends who helped me when I was a single mom and then she became a single mom years later was like, this is not a race. It's a marathon. And she would just repeat that to me. And I was like, Ooh, girl, like you're my wise ass. Like I always wanted, you know, and yeah, like I'm so grateful, like be gentle. There's a fine line between grace and like, overextending people pleasing, you know what I'm saying? Like, you're, you know, um, compassion, great softness, you know, space. Um, allowing people to like, unfold in their own time, honoring that, um, but also like maintaining your boundaries. Like for me, that doesn't work for me. Or for me, that's a non negotiable, you know, just like practicing, keeping those promises to yourself, you know?

Bri Bri:

Yeah. Yeah. Just because. you know why someone is doing something or just because you know that they did I mean that's kind of like that's kind of the uh I guess ultimatum not quite that had led to the end of my most recent relationships like just because You understand why someone is going through something and treating you a certain way or not treating you a certain way and it is valid, right? They have every reason to be behaving that way doesn't mean that you also have to put up with it Like there's this thing that it's like, you know Because you're extending grace means that you have to put up with it It's like no you can extend grace and you can send love and you can send Positivity and all that stuff and you can also walk away

Anna:

Yeah, that's yours. That's not mine. Yeah. And then when you do commit, like, what am I willing to commit to? Like, nobody's perfect, right? Like, what flaws, air quotes, am I willing to sign up for and which ones are a hell no.

Bri Bri:

Yeah. Yeah. Cause you're right. Nobody's perfect. Um, and you know, the alternative, right. If you don't want to deal with anyone's flaws,

Anna:

you can just be single. Yeah. Just be single. That's always an

Bri Bri:

option

Anna:

until you have more grace for yourself. You're probably doing it to you too, girl, you know,

Bri Bri:

big time, probably more so than other people.

Anna:

Yeah, like in your head, just this critic that's like running and it's like, girl, when you get out of your own way, when you like, escape from your own prison, like, it's freedom. It's liberation. You know, it's, it's space to breathe.

Bri Bri:

Yeah, yeah, this is great. This is like way more than I could have ever expected or asked for, uh, but thank you so much, uh, for your time and for your energy and for your wisdom and for your experience. Um, definitely should definitely stay connected. Um, If not to have you back on here, but just like, this was just cool. It was nice vibing with you.

Thank you so much for listening. And if you. Resonated with anything shared today, make sure to hit that follower. Lower subscribe button. So you don't miss future episodes or. We'll dive deep into navigating single motherhood and glowing up in. Every area of life. I'd love to hear your story, Sophia. Feel free to connect with me on Instagram, or TikTok, or threads.@bribri.core. And if you want to connect with Anna her information will be in the description, but it is align.with.Anna on the three platforms that I just listed and join our amazing community and if you want to take control of your life and start at your own glow up journey don't forget to text the word"glow" to 667-222-3798. And I will see you in the next episode. Take care!