046 - Sliding Doors - Sharon’s Story

In this special episode of The Pit Pony Podcast, we’re turning the spotlight inward. For the first time, co-host Sharon Cawley shares her own powerful and deeply personal sliding doors story.

More than just about leaving teaching, it’s about the moment Sharon reclaimed control of her life and showed what’s possible when we choose presence over pressure. Sharon reflects on how life outside of the classroom gave her the time, space and freedom to show up when it mattered most.

Today, Sharon and Sarah explore the power of gratitude, glimmers, and choosing to live consciously after life-altering decisions. This episode is raw, reflective, and a beautiful reminder of why our small daily choices shape our biggest transformations.

🎧 For anyone at a crossroads - this one’s for you.

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Edited with finesse by our Podcast Super Producer, Mike Roberts of Making Digital Real

Transcript

Thank you to our sponsors, Little Voices. Are you a teacher with a passion for drama, music and performance or feeling stuck in the classroom? Little Voices gives you the chance to step into a role where you can truly inspire young minds through the arts. This is a company I know well and admire. 

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Plus, with the support of a nationwide franchise network behind you, you can run your own successful business, doing what you love, while teaching in a way that truly fits your life. Hello and welcome to the Pick Pony podcast with myself, Sharon Cawley and me, Sarah Dunwood, in which we talk to teachers from all walks of life who exited the classroom from what they thought was a job for life and thrived on the other side of teaching. Coming up in this episode, well, it was like Sarah, the world had stood still, stood still. 

So she then goes off into a sleep, our Alison and me are out broken in the lounge going, oh my God, my God. That in and of itself is a sliding doors moment. Well, hello, listeners. 

Slightly different start to this episode and I know it's not a voice that you're used to hearing at the beginning, but we're doing a sequence of different episodes, no guests. And this first one is all about Sharon's obsession with sliding doors and actually giving Sharon an opportunity to tell her sliding door story because in all of the 40 episodes, she's never yet mentioned it once. So I am going to bring in my dear friend, Sharon Cawley, and let's go. 

Hello, friend. Hello, friend. Thank you for holding space for me today to talk about one of my obsessions that sits alongside dogs and chocolate, which is sliding doors.

We know where it's come from. We know it's come from the 90s film with John Hannah and Gwyneth Paltrow. We know that people understand the cultural reference.

But I have been doing sliding doors moments on a daily basis since I left teaching in 2012 because it also coincided with me leaving my marriage. And I think when you have really big life changing moments like leaving teaching or leaving a marriage, you have to really seat yourself with a clear focus on the daily basis as to is this worth it? What has this been for? Because if you don't, it can be very difficult when you find yourself in challenging times. You call them glimmers. 

You look for the glimmers and the pockets of happiness in the day. I focus myself very much on sliding doors moments. What am I doing right now that I know I wouldn't have been doing if I was still in that marriage? What am I doing if I was still in teaching? And the reason I do it is because it's not a sliding doors obsession. 

It's an obsession with the state I want to be permanently living in. And you know what my attitude is that works the best for my mental health. It's my attitude of gratitude. 

I completed, for me, it is, you're right. I look for glimmers, but I've only been starting to call them that in the last 12 months or so. I think it might have Matt Haig or somebody like that. 

One of the authors I follow on Twitter who came up with that, maybe not, but I think if I cycle all the way back to Jeepers six years ago, next month, from the day I exited, I kept a list of three things every day that I was grateful for because I now wasn't in school. And very quickly, I think I log them down because I like to write things and read back on them. But I think what happened very quickly is after only a few days, and then after a month, I started to see this really big list building up. 

So when I had a moment of doubt or should I go back or life was feeling a bit, eh, I'd go back to that list. And yeah, so slightly different. And I know you hold them all in your head. 

I know you do. I've trained myself over the years to do this because when you make a decision, it might even be moving house or whatever. Something that changes and you're excited about and you've made this decision, you start with this attitude of gratitude. 

So let's say you've been on right move. You've found the house you want to live in. It's brilliant because it's got a garden and it's got a driveway and I don't have to find off road parking anymore. 

Now I can just drive my car into my drive and we've got a garden and I've got an en-suite because I was making my way down the landing at three o'clock in the morning. And you're in this attitude of absolute gratitude that this has been your life. Like when you leave teaching or when you leave a difficult relationship, you have that real surge and it's a good space to be in.

I think it's more important than that as well, that it's not just in that moment where you are grateful. It's, let's use the moving house analogy, it's 18 months down the line when the garden that you've got. I'm coming on to that now because if you don't keep doing that, you slide into, you've gone from standing at your back door having a cup of coffee going, oh my God, look at my garden. 

I can't believe I've got a garden. I'm not even looking over onto a yard. You slide in very quickly to just standing and having a coffee, planning what you're doing for the day and you've slipped into taking things for granted. 

And then there's a step after that. And then there is the step after that, when you are stood at your back door going, well, why did she plant those shrubs at the bottom of the garden? I'm going to have to get a gardener to sort them out. You start begrudging. 

And if you're moving through those three things, it can be in a relationship. It can be with a new job. It can be with a business.

You've got to feed yourself in as much as you can, that first phase of gratitude. And that's why I trained myself to find my sliding doors. Sarah, it could have been not having to queue up because I was able to do the Tesco shop on a Thursday morning at 10 o'clock and there was no queue.

But if I wasn't careful, I wasn't concentrating on that. And then it was just like, yeah, I'm queuing up because I do my shopping on a Thursday morning. And then I'm begrudging the old age pensioner in front of me because she's taking too long on a Thursday morning. 

So my sliding doors have stuck with me for my mental health for some time. And when we decided to do the Pit Pony podcast, I was very clear what I wanted that narrative and structure and formula to be. And I said to you, didn't I, I want our guests to end with a gratitude moment.

And then that's when it naturally came with sliding doors. And I think it's, um, they don't have to be spectacular. I, I, I actually, and I think I've said this on a few, few of our epilogues on podcasts. 

I've loved every single sliding door moment that guests have given us so far, but for how unique they are to that person. But they don't need to be big, big earth, earth shattering, life-changing moments that can just be something as simple as, as, as having that. I have it. 

I'll go and sit outside of the morning when it's not peeing it down and just go and sit and have a cup of tea before I go to work because I don't have to rush to it. And I've never lost that. And, and on occasional mornings, cause you know me, I'm a sloth. 

I do not like getting up on occasional mornings where I'm like, I'll still catch myself and go, yeah, but you know what, mate, you're not having to do that. You're doing this. This is good. 

So I, I do think it's really important that, um, that that gratitude is, I think when you get into a habit of, of gratitude for the little things, then the big things are all the sweeter for it. They mean so much more. Um, but then the little things mean something as well. 

I've caught myself this week with Lord Dunwood, where the two of us have just been sat watching something and he's done something really ridiculous and I have proper belly laughed. And then I have sat and gone, Oh, that's nice. Yeah. 

Because I think sliding doors moments do a couple of things that it keeps you out of the granted begrudging stage. Um, but more than anything, it focuses you on being present. You're not letting life just swim around because you're going right now. 

What am I grateful for? And what would like life have been like differently? Um, so you can imagine I've got hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of little, little moments when you can book him for having your nails done in term time, term time breaks, all of those things, my kid's education. I can't even begin to tell you what leaving teaching gave me as a gift through my business with the opportunity. And I will, I'll be perfectly honest with the wealth and the opportunities that that gave. 

So I could give you Manchester grammar anecdotes, rubbing shoulders with the runes, that kind of thing. I can give you small ones, but good God, we were only in London a couple of weeks ago, getting a national award for our franchise. We're up on a stage dressed up by the way, you know, in, in our finery, there's a massive sliding doors moment.

Yeah. Oh God. I've not even thought of it like that.

Brief interlude, dear listener, a couple of questions. Are you a tutor or even a pit pony considering tutoring? And do you fancy getting in the room with myself and Sarah Dunwood learning about the wonderful world of tuition? Then why not join us at the national tutors conference hosted by Connexus Tuition on the 29th of July, 2025. It's at Chesford Grange Kenilworth, links to the tickets are in the show notes below, and we will both see you on the other side.

Yeah. Two ex-teachers up getting a national award for our business for inclusion and diversity. The less said about that. 

I've not even thought of it about like that, partly because I was so stressed out about having to wear a posh frock that I've still, I mean, it's nearly it's, it's a month now, isn't it? I don't think I've got over the trauma of having to not wear my Doc Martens for, for six hours. Lay it layered on with the trauma that I've convinced myself with not one, I'd not prepared a speech and got leathered before we actually had to get up on the stage to the point where I went up with no shoes on. Anyway, started swiping that moment. 

My sliding doors moment is big. It is a big one. And it's, it's one that I want to just put a little caveat or a little, I'm going to talk about the loss of my mum. 

Okay. And I'm going to, to walk through a series of sliding doors moments because I lost my mum after I'd come out of teaching. My mum passed in 2021. 

So I'd been out of teaching since 2012, 2013. So I'm well out of the classroom at this point. So anybody who's going through difficulty with a parent with dementia or end of life or anything in those terms, you might want to take a breath before you decide whether or not you want to listen to my story. 

Now I'd lost my dad in 2010 when I was a teacher. Okay. And as you know, Sarah, Vera and Arnold, they met in 1952, got married in 1960, had me in 1972. 

So they'd been together for 20 years before they had me. Always lived in the same family house, bought it as a new build, never moved out. And my sister Alison is 18 months younger than me. 

So we're close-knit Northern working class family. And when my dad died in 2010 with dementia, Parkinson's, I was still teaching. Now, fortunately he chose to pass on the 1st of August.

So, and Alison was still teaching at the time and we didn't have that awful. When do I, can I have time off to be with them beforehand? I'm still teaching. I'm waiting on a phone call to dart to a hospital. 

I have no idea how people go through that when they are not in flexible work environments. And then there's a time limit on your grief. Even things like taking time off for a funeral.

Well, she's my auntie Mary, but she's actually a lifelong friend, but she's not. Anyway, by the bar. So Vera. 

And as you know, you're in my life at this point. My mum's diagnosed with dementia in 2018, 2019, and she's living independently on her own. She's got her package in place. 

You know, people are coming to see her and she's, she's okay. She's okay. But obviously we locked down in March, 2020. 

So I see very, very little of my mum during lockdown. And it's very difficult to have phone calls and FaceTime when somebody has dementia because they can't connect with who they're talking to. They can't see you, but she was looked after. 

She was cared for. And then we get to Christmas 2020. All right. 

So it's coming up to that period, you know, where we are, we're coming out of lockdown. We've got zones. The kids go back in for a day. 

There's all sorts happening. Don't see my mum at Christmas. And the beginning of January, she gets a water infection. 

And you know yourself when an elderly person gets a water infection, they go into like hallucinations, they have to go into hospital. So my mum goes into hospital, she comes back out. And when an elderly person comes back out of hospital, social services put a care package in place. 

And something like, well, it rhymes with dozy care, where the, with a team that went in, it was Doreen and Gaynor and you're alright Doc. So she was dealing with that kind of coming in, doing visits. And it was different people every time. 

And I always remember the girl who lives opposite, girl, she's in her fifties. I went to school with her who lives opposite my mum, Sharon, still called her Mrs. Cawley. Sharon would be ringing me going, those care teams are going in Sharon and they've not even got PPE on, you know. 

So I knew things were not right. So end of January, I get a phone call from one of dozy care to say, your mum's had a stroke. We've called an ambulance, but we can't sit with her because we've got another call to do. 

So obviously you can't go and see the vulnerable. You've got to do window visits. You've got to be, and it was the first time during the sliding doors moment.

And I'm going to sanitize it slightly. I went bugger this, I'm going down. So I got in the car, drove to my mum's house, probably the first time I'd actually been physically in her company.

She was upstairs in her bedroom and she'd not had a stroke, but the ambulance was on its way. So I got on my mum's bed and we were talking and the ambulance came and took her off to Warrington General. And within a couple of hours, we got a phone call from the hospital to say, your mum's got COVID. 

Okay. So from coming out of hospital, care package, Sharon was right. And my mum had contracted COVID. 

Very vulnerable. So at that point, I did a COVID test. Do you remember? I got COVID because I'd gone and spent time with my mum who'd got COVID.

So at that point, my mum's on the COVID ward in Warrington. You're allowed to designate one person to be the window visitor in Warrington General. And it was our Alison. 

And I took Paulie with it that time, didn't I? I was on the virtual. Yeah, you were bad for a good three weeks because I was doing medicine drops to your door. And you were really, I was actually genuinely very worried about you at that point in time. 

They put me on the COVID ward, didn't they, for Salford and I had to have like this thing on my finger being monitored and everything. Now my mum's in hospital at this point with COVID. So this is bringing us to January, end of January time. 

So she's clear of COVID. I'm clear of COVID. I'm recovering. 

Our Alison's going doing the visits, that kind of thing. And then the first week in, probably first, second week in February, I get a phone call from the doctor that tells me that due to the tests that they've done on my mum because of COVID, she's now at end of life. Okay. 

And when that happens, they can't tell you how long, but they know she's not going to recover. So me and our Alison are communicating by phone. What's the next steps? So I'm, and you know what it's like when you phone in a hospital, you have one window of opportunity in the day to either talk to the staff nurse, the doctor. 

So we go in a full 24 hours before we know what's happening. All of which bear in mind, I'm not at school. Okay. 

So even though I've been poorly, I've tested negative for COVID, realistically, I should be back in school. So I finally get through to the doctor and I say, what's happening? And they said, right, because she's at end of life, she will get end of life free place in a palliative care home. They'd write, okay, what does that look like? Can we go and choose the care? Oh, no, you can't go and have a look at the care home she's in. 

We'll allocate her a care home. So, but she's at end of life. What does that mean? You designate one member of your family.

And that is the only person who can go into that care home. You can't chop and change. These are the rules. 

One person, it's me or Alison. You can book window visits. We can't guarantee that the daily, but depending upon availability, you can go and have a window visit.

But doctor, she's on end of life. Yes, I know they're the rules. And what's it going to look like in this care home? Well, she'll be on a profile bed that's lowered to the floor.

So she can't fall out. And a member of the care team will check in on her every hour to see if she's all right. Okay. 

Right. Doctor, what's plan B? There isn't a plan B. So I'm back and to on the phone with our Alison and who's just hysterical, as you can imagine at this. I said, right, okay. 

Bang, back on the phone. Right, doctor. I don't even need to know the answer to this, but is it illegal if I discharge my mother from hospital and bring her home? And he went, well, it's not advised. 

Well, that's all I need. Thank you very kindly. Get her packed, baggaged, sorted. 

She's coming home. Do you remember? And I was on operation. Get my mother back home. 

Now, you know how Sherlock has this network of homeless people. I obviously have my network of my friends from Newtonley Willows who I've been friends with for 48 years, who are cleaners, carers, district nurses, can get me anything I need. So we went into operation. 

Let's get our mother home. And within about a week, she'd been discharged. We'd organised a package ourselves of our mates. 

We'd got the medicine we needed through the district nurse because Sarah gave me a direct line because it's a mate. Do you see how we were doing it? Our Alison's at Marks and Spencer's getting fresh bedding. We've ordered a profile bed. 

That's not going to be dropped to the floor, by the way. Bru's going to be looking outside down the garden that she tended to for the best part of 60 odd years. Kids are back in school at this point, but they're able to come home from school, get picked up, spend time with Nanny.

We're having chippy teas round the bed. And me and our Alison are doing shifts in between the care team. So I do nine till half 12. 

The care team come at half 12. Do you remember because I'm on the phone booking in national tutoring contracts and all sorts of stuff with my mother who's on end of life. Then the play team will come at half 12 till one. 

Then our Alison comes at one and we've got it all sussed. Overnight stays the lot. And in that time, I can be present because I'm not having to phone in work and ask if I can have another couple of days because the doctors said it. 

Well, it could be two weeks. It could be three weeks. It could be tomorrow. 

Because can you imagine phoning in school with that level of vagueness? I need six weeks minimum. And even in that sliding door story, there were so many special, special moments that we had with it. And I always remember, I think it must've been a weekend because it coincided me and Alison were there at the same time. 

And I was washing up in the back kitchen and Alison was sat at the side of a bed. And in the last weeks of her life, because of the dementia, she lived in about 1941. She was going to school. 

So every morning she was like, come on, Tommy, get your shoes, Mary, Kathleen, John. And we can lean into it. So it's all right, Veronica. 

Mary's got her shoes and she's not eating. So we can get yogurts just right. The ice cream flavor that she likes. 

And I always remember this one day I was washing up in the back kitchen and Alison sat at the side of the bed and she's living in Hawthorne Avenue back when she was a kid. And then all of a sudden I heard her go, Alison. And you know, like when a cat goes on your knee and you don't move. 

And I saw Alison freeze and I froze. And she went, Alison, and I saw her hand come out the bed and she just cupped our Alison's face. Oh God.

Couldn't breathe. And she went, Alison, I'm dying, aren't I? And Alison went, are you all right, mum? All right, we're in, our Sharon's here, we're all right. And she just said, I am going to miss you so much. 

And then off she went again, back into that world. Well, it was like Sarah, the world had stood still. Stood still. 

So she then goes off into a sleep. Our Alison and me are heartbroken in the lounge going, oh my God, my God. That in and of itself is a sliding doors moment.

Oh God, to have been there for that moment of lucidity. Both of us, because we're both ex-teachers. Yeah. 

And then obviously she deteriorates. She's not eating. We're coming up now to the middle of March, but we're in a flow. 

We're in a routine. And I remember it was a Monday morning, 21st of March, and I was driving down for my nine o'clock shift, was driving down Park Road. And I thought, mackerel on toast for me breakfast.

Answer that. And I pulled into this spot outside the co-op and this voice in my head, and you know my faith, so I know who it was, went, go home, go home. So I pulled out the car parking space.

My mum's road's next left. Turn down next left. And as I got to the door, the young girl opened the door and she went, she's passing. 

She's passing. But it's all right. Don't worry.

Don't worry. Shot through to the conservatory. Dropped the side of the profile bag, got in with her, and I just took her in. 

The woman who'd brought me into the earth, right? She's passing. And I was like, you're all right, mum. Go find me dad. 

It's okay. It's okay. And then I could feel she was passing so quickly defaulted to, I know what she wanted. 

Started straight in with a decade of the rosary. Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee. Dead calm and measured. 

And my mum passed in my arms to the Hail Mary with me. And it was possibly one of the most honourable and privileged positions ever being, to ever being. And then obviously I was able to go and get the kids from school. 

The doctor comes round, does what the doctor asked us to do. And we're all there with her, even though she's gone. We're able to be present for our kids' grief. 

Her grandkids are there. And then eventually when she's taken for the last time out of the house, she's lived in 65 years. We've got Danny Boy on in the background.

She left with grace. Sharon came over from the road to stand and bow her head. And it was the biggest gift to have been given. 

Because I know when my dad passed away, it was not like that. I went back to school in the September. And you know how they make announcements on the first day back. 

And the head teacher said, oh, and we've got some sad news. Sharon Carley's mum's died. And I'm like, it wasn't my mum, it was my dad.

Do you know what I mean? And how that would have been different had I still have been in school when I lost my mum. Though there might be little moments in the day, Sarah, where I'm queuing up or I'm having my nails done. And they mean as much. 

But when I'm now grieving for her, I'm able to move myself from begrudging the fact she's gone very quickly back into where I need to be, which is the gratitude for having her. And the gratitude for what my life gave me when she'd passed. And that, my friend, is my sliding door story.

I know how hard that is. I know how hard that has been to share. So I really appreciate it.

And interestingly, it's not new for me, but it gets me every time. And I just think, you're right, it, this will be clumsy. But I think what a privilege to be there with somebody who loves you and who you love dearly. 

Because I think that's the hardest part of grief is not having been able to say goodbye. Yeah. And particularly when we think about that period of our history. 

Oh yeah. Which has been brutal because ironically, her funeral, where we had to then pick one representative from parts of her life, because we were only allowed so many in. And we were trying to set the tone of her funeral, very, very religious woman, whilst they were taking temperature tests at the door, signing in, track and trace and all that bullshit. 

Whilst at the same time, within weeks, Boris was having his cheese and wine party. And that is a whole different conversation, isn't it? Because the level of infuriation and whenever I see anything online, and this is not the purpose of this podcast, but I go to, everybody's got a personal story from that time. And I've not, I've not got my own personal story, but I've got the personal stories of people who are very close to me, like you, who I saw the impact of that firsthand and it infuriates me. 

But that's a side issue. It is because had I not have been my mother's daughter, she wouldn't have taken no for an answer. I can't even begin to imagine the circumstances in which my mother would have passed. 

So for that, I am grateful for my sliding doors. Thank you, friend. Thank you. 

So I will, I'll see you on the other side. That's weird for me to say that to you. I'm actually considering we've just been talking about death.

I'm sorry. What level of... And do you know what I love is that that is how we are. Gallows humour every time. 

Much love, my friend. I'll see you on the other side. Laters.

Thanks for staying with us during another great episode of the Pit Pony podcast. And on behalf of myself, Sarah Dunwood, Mike Roberts at Making Digital Real, we wish you all the very best and we'll see you soon. If you wish to contact me directly for a support session or a clarity call for your next steps, please find my link in the comments below. 

See you soon.