The Truth About Why People Never Actually Change

🎙 The Truth About Why People Never Actually Change

Why do some people change for a few weeks while others transform for a lifetime?

In this episode, Sean turns the tables and asks me some of the hardest questions we've ever discussed on the podcast. We challenge popular ideas around self improvement, behavior change, therapy culture, identity, and what it actually takes to create lasting transformation.

This isn't a conversation about quick fixes or motivation.

It's about why most people keep solving problems at the wrong level.

We break transformation down into three interconnected layers.

The first is physiology. Your nervous system, stress load, sleep, hormones, nutrition, and physical health all influence the choices you're capable of making.

The second is behavior. Habits, routines, environments, and repeated actions determine whether change actually becomes visible in your daily life.

The third is identity. Your beliefs about yourself, your worldview, and the stories you carry quietly dictate what feels normal, possible, and sustainable.

Most people only coach behavior.

The Rebuild works across all three.

Throughout the conversation, Sean pushes back on many of my ideas, asks the uncomfortable questions, and challenges me to explain why I believe so much of modern personal development keeps people stuck. Some of the answers will probably make people uncomfortable.

That's okay.

Growth usually starts where comfort ends.

What We Cover

• Why lasting change requires more than better habits
• The relationship between physiology, behavior, and identity
• Why information alone rarely changes anyone
• The biggest misconceptions about personal development
• Why coaching should teach people how to think, not just what to do
• The questions Sean asked that forced deeper conversations about transformation

Key Takeaways

• You cannot permanently change behavior without addressing identity
• Your physiology either supports or sabotages your decision making
• Sustainable transformation happens when all three levels work together
• Better thinking creates better behavior, but only when your nervous system can support it
• Lasting change is built from the inside out

If you've ever wondered why you've succeeded for a few weeks only to fall back into old patterns, this episode explains why the problem may not be your discipline at all. It may simply be that you've been trying to rebuild your life from the wrong level.

Transcript

SPEAKER_02 0:00

So you say the body is never the problem. What do you mean by that?

SPEAKER_01 0:06

So in most people's weight loss journeys andor health journeys, in my opinion, in my experience, it's almost always a behavior problem that's stemming from an identity problem. And the body is just a consequence of the behaviors that's been acted out. Does that make any sense at all? Yeah. And so I'll pull that apart just a little bit more. I get a lot of people coming to me who say they've tried everything. I've done keto, I've done carnivore, I've done fasting, I've done this influencer program, I've counted my macros, et cetera. And I think many people will relate to this where I think what they've felt is they've created like a health and fitness personality with a strategy and they go and act that out for three months, four months, meanwhile, kind of hating it all and knowing deep down that they're never going to actually amalgamate that into their life long term. And so therefore their identity didn't come loaded with those new behaviors. Yeah. And so they just go back to the old identity, which acts out those old behaviors that gave them the body they had for the transformation before the transformation. So they lost 30, 40 pounds and now they're kind of right back to where they started six months ago. And I like to take that a step further because I think people don't realize that they don't have to create this like horrible fitness plan that sucks and not live their life. Yeah. You know, like I'm traveling to London again at the end of the month. I'm gonna be jacked when I leave, I'll be jacked when I get home. But that's because I've baked in the behaviors that equal me having that outcome. Yeah. Right. And so when I work with someone, I often show them like, no, your body's not broken. It's usually a behavior set. And so someone might feel like, well, I've I've tried this before, it's never worked, or it has worked, and I've just had it slip through my fingers. I think so many people have felt that before. But when I look at, and then there's another piece that we have to add, which is the goal weight is not the time to turn it off. And most people do. And I tell them that's about the 40% mark. When I tell people this, they're like, what? And I'm like, yes, because you got to the goal weight. And how many times have you seen this? Or I've seen this so many times. We hit our goal weight, and then it's like tonight, not even 24 hours later, we're gonna celebrate. We got to go for some drinks. You know, I haven't had a free meal in a while, or a cheat meal is a word that people use. Um, you know, I haven't seen my family, I want a barbecue, and then it just doesn't really turn off. But when we look back before said transformation, that's exactly the behaviors they were acting out that led them to the outcome that they by definition said they wanted to change.

SPEAKER_02 2:35

So I think what you're saying is the identity, they're not believing they are that person. Because I hear it a lot too, and even in myself, sometimes, like, for example, if you want to quit smoking, you have to identify as someone who is a non-smoker at the end of the day. Because even once you if you still like if you quit smoking, but you still think you're that smoker, you're gonna resort back to it. Is that kind of similar to what you're talking about in terms of like changing the body?

SPEAKER_01 3:02

100%, because the body's changes are just an outcome of the behavior that's long-term acted out. And if so, I watch people's IM statements, and so I'm not a morning person, I'm not a I am not a meal prep person, I am a person who likes to stay up late at night, and you don't realize like where did that come from? And so I always like to ask questions like, How do you know that? What does it mean? Why does it matter? And if you run those these razors through these three questions, you'll find out that like, oh, when I was young, I had to get up early for this thing I hated, and then I decided I don't like mornings anymore. And you we just bake that in, and it's not even a conscious process, it's just been acted out. And so if someone says, like, well, it works really well for me schedule-wise to train in the morning, but I'm just not a morning person. And I'm like, the fuck not with that attitude, you're not. Yeah, right. Because you're literally telling yourself that I'm not that type of person. Yeah. And I think that where people get into trouble is not looking at their aggregate behaviors over time as the exact reason why they have what they have. And so if if someone is fat, it's because if I watch them for two months, everything that went in your mouth, if I I always tell people, imagine I had a drone following you around, and then we had to watch that tape back after two months, and you didn't get to watch it anytime before two months. Yeah. As a coach, I guarantee you I'd be watching those behaviors, going, like, hey, what's this you're eating here again? Hey, what about this?

SPEAKER_00 4:32

And then I call this the yeah, but oh yeah, but that was just that little thing. Oh, yeah, but this, yeah, but that.

SPEAKER_01 4:39

And we're taught um a scholar system in Western culture. So if you get 80% on a test, that means you only got 20% wrong. That's really good, right? Teachers like great job. Yeah. With dieting and nutrition and thermodynamics, so calories in, calories out, I'm sure you've heard that term on the internet, but energy balance, it's not really like that. The 20% can poison the 80%.

SPEAKER_02 5:00

So you can't get away with it.

SPEAKER_01 5:01

Not really. And but the quantity of the 20 matters. And so when I explain this to people, they're like, oh, geez, let's say you eat three meals a day, or you should eat three meals a day, or even actually, let's do it this way. Let's say you eat, you're supposed to eat 2,000 calories a day to get to your goal. Well, that's 14,000 calories a week, 28,000 calories biweekly, 56,000 calories monthly. If someone who's trying really hard and they haven't been able to find success in their diet, I bet you 80% of what they're doing is bang on most of the time. Like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, they had their maybe their meal preps going, they went to the gym, and then Friday they kind of peter out and it's like, oh, I just, it's just a wine night. You fall into two bottles of wine, some appies, and a dinner and a dessert. All of a sudden it's like, hmm. And then Saturday, there's a little bit of a write-off because it's a kids' sports game. We ate at the rink, you know, we had to go through the drive-thru because the kids are screaming. Sunday, well, now I'm tired from the weekend. I had all this stuff going on. I don't feel like meal prepping today. I'll get back on it on Monday. We take the math, it's way more of an equation than people realize. We add that up, and I'm like, oh, well, you actually ate 14,900 calories. You just had most of it in these three days. And they're like, oh, but it was only two days, yeah, right? And five was really good. So they view it like 80-20. Yeah. And it's like, yeah, but the 20 you doubled up, like it's you 2x returned on the 20, and that poisoned the 80. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 6:30

Yeah. So do you think they're almost like binging those two days because they feel like those five days they're almost like suffering so much, is like it's almost like a release.

SPEAKER_01 6:40

This is creating unsustainable strategies. And this is what I try to do. I view myself as a behaviorist and a master strategist, where I try, it's like, what life do you actually want? And people are not honest about their fitness goals, you know. And I've done so many consults, people will come to me and be like, I'm just getting healthier for my family and my kids. No, you're not. Stop lying. Because if you were gonna do that, you would already do it. What other leverage could you have besides doing it for your kids? To be honest, you could not know what you're doing at all. And if that was the real reason you were doing it, you would do it already. Yeah. And and you would have been long done. The truth is you probably want to look better. Yeah. 98% of people, this is well studied, who want to start a fitness and health journey, they're doing it because they want to look better. And in culture, we make up all these reasons because we kind of shame people that say that. But everyone thinks that, by the way. And so that's a great place to start. It doesn't mean those other things are not included in the recipe. Yeah, you want to be healthier for your kids, you want to have more energy, all of that. But we think of things in a hierarchy. You don't, you don't think of things linearly, you think of things vertically. And so what you prioritize will get acted out. And so when people aren't even honest with themselves coming to the gate, how do you build an identity? When you're not actually honest about what you want and why you want it, how are you gonna bake that into your identity with behaviors you can't?

unknown 7:59

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 7:59

And I also I almost like feel like when people ask like, why do you wanna why you wanna hire a coach? I wanna be healthier, I wanna they're so general, and I feel like none of that really hits home to why they want to change. For example, I was on a run with my friend just this weekend, he's like, I really need to lose weight. I'm like, why all of a sudden? He's like, honestly, I took a photo, I got my passport photo taken, and I looked at my picture, and I just hated the way I looked in that picture, and that's what triggered me to be like, okay, enough is enough. Do you think people need some type of like event that just triggers something? It's like almost like a uh switch flips.

SPEAKER_01 8:37

Oh, that's a good question, bro. I think that we need to be honest with people, and I try to do this with love and grace. Yeah, and I think truth has gotten mixed up with a bunch of other negative emotion. So, as an example, I had a client come to me a little while ago and her blood work was not good, and I've seen this a hundred times. I get the blood work report back, and they're already coping with almost they have the equation flipped. So I'm fat because my blood work is bad. And then I have to tell people the truth and be like, no, no, your blood work is bad because you're fat. And no one's ever told you that because we live in this, you're okay the way you are. If you're carrying 30, 40, 50 pounds, I don't care who you are, you're not okay the way you are. You could be better. And I'm not saying you're gonna die, I'm not saying there's some grand consequence, but the quality of your life, by definition, by your blood work, I guarantee you would be better if you weren't carrying that weight. And so people need to see the truth. As an example, young people right now and people all over are told you're okay the way you are. Everything is for you and about you, which teaches no accountability and responsibility, which is a problem. However, if you're suffering deep down, but everyone's telling you that you're okay the way you are. Do you want to hear that? Do you really want to hear that? That's why I can help people so much. It's the adventure of a lifetime to be told, like, I know you're not where you want to be, but you can fix this. You can be in a better place. And you have to swallow usually three to five pills that you do not want to swallow, proverbally, not necessarily physically. Like, oh, I my blood work is bad because I'm fat. I'm fat because I act out these behaviors that equal me being fat. Because usually I have a wound that I have not healed, some type of trauma, a worthiness issue, some voice in my head, I'm trying to people please, I'm scared of judgment. There's always a spirit element to it. And in my work, I get down to the bottom of that because spirit behavior strategy. Strategy is the least important thing that I do. I could get someone in shape through 2,000 different ways of getting someone in shape because there's first principles. If I follow the first four or five fundamental principles, as long as I'm hitting those, the right energy balance, the right output, the right sleep, the right protein intake, some training of some sort to push your body, stress management. You know, after that, if I'm hitting those things at a pretty good accuracy, I'm creating the conditions for success.

SPEAKER_03 11:10

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:10

Right. And so now, how do I put that strategy in your life with the right variables so that you act it out long enough without breaking the 80 with the 20? That's a tough one. Does that make sense? That's the really tough part. And that's why my coaching experience is a deep immersive one-to-one. I tell people when you sign on, this is not a set it and forget it program in the rebuild. This is not like, here's your program, I'll see you later. We're going to be talking multiple times in a week, and I'm going to need to know everything that goes on that is holding you back from your goals. And they go, What's everything that's holding me back from my goals? And I said, Everything. Your emotions, your trauma, your relationships, your money stress, your internal judge, all of that has to be brought into the light so that we can solve it. Yeah. And no one ever works on that stuff, which is why so many people repeat this weight loss loop, this quick sand loop. They get what they want and they tried it. It doesn't, it's not the right strategy. It was never going to work for them. And I have such a heart for this because the rebuild was built to solve this problem because I tried to lose weight one time and now I'm here 15 years later. And that's because it's not because I'm so smart, it's not because of anything. I was given a gift for curiosity and first principles thinking. I was taught how to think in sequence that just gave me the skill set to achieve this and never have to worry about losing it. Because when my life would change, I would be okay changing strategy because I knew that strategy was just the cherry on top.

SPEAKER_03 12:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 12:39

Because I knew from my own journey of losing 150 pounds, coming back from injury, being a drug addict, you know, all these types of things. The reason that I was those things is because I had an identity problem. I was we talked about this in one episode. I was told from a time, like you're you're just overweight. That's how you guys are. That's an identity. That would be an I am statement. I'm a f enough, we're big boys. The end. Your brain won't seek a solution to a problem that it thinks doesn't exist. Yeah. Does that make sense? And when you bring truth into this for people, then they can actually see what problems and snakes are in the garden. And usually I have to push people for a while and they try to avoid it. I call this the awareness phase. You bring up an awareness to a problem, and now you're going to try to find your way out. Yeah. The brain is this really interesting thing designed to keep us safe and alive. And so if there's an ultimate problem, let's say you have a, because I see this a lot, there's a work career dissatisfaction or a relationship problem. And a lot of people are proxying physical goals above that so that they don't have to deal with that. If your brain knows there's the ultimate thing that you could do to improve your life, it's usually very hard and scary. And it's usually three to five conversations you don't want to have, but you're not going to die. You're going to be okay. As soon as someone thinks about solving those problems, your brain will pop up two or three other hard things that you could do so that you can feel justified in the work that you're doing. Yeah. It's like the proxy for the real work. Yeah, yeah, but I'm doing this other stuff. So you can keep ignoring it and avoiding it. And I usually have to shine a mirror on people in a very various ways, different angles over time through conversation. Yeah. And that's why I believe coaching should be a deep immersive process. Because I, if I did if I wasn't immersive with people, I would never find out what's holding them back. And I'm really good at collecting patterns. Sometimes it takes me two months, and then I'm like, hey, I've noticed that you've used this I am statement five times around different settings: family, work, relationships, physique, your mindset, how you talk to yourself. Where did that come from? Oh, everybody says that about me. And then I'm like, who's everybody? Well, my dad said it. Hmm. So now your dad said this when you were six, and you've just continued to say that about yourself and then proxy that to everybody else as if it's axiomatically true across all dimensions. And then you've just accepted that for your life. This is where I give people these like aha moments where they're like, holy I didn't realize this at all.

SPEAKER_02 15:11

Well, you know what you're doing. Like you're literally a therapist on top of a it's funny because people joke, like, oh, like personal trainers, like there are therapists too, because all the time, all the time the client's just ranting about all their problems. But your met like, would you agree? Like your methodology, like you're almost acting like a therapist because you're digging deep into a lot of the psychological behaviors that are creating these actions, which is why they're not getting to their goals.

SPEAKER_01 15:37

Man, that's such a good question. And it's one I've avoided for a long time, if I'm being honest. Yeah, I kind of dodge this question. Yeah. And I I know that most people start a health and fitness journey because they want to look better. And so I market through health and fitness and physique development and some mindset development, dieting strategies, etc., fat loss, because I I'm trying to give them what they want and and get them what they need. But they don't know until they don't know until they get into the container. And I just did a live call about this last week where I'm like, you guys all thought you were coming here. I had a live call with a bunch of my clients, and I'm like, you all thought you were coming here for X. I'm gonna get you jacked out of your mind. I want you to have both. And in fact, when people come to me, their vision for what they think they can achieve is solo. Coming around me, I'm gonna automatically increase your vision. You know, someone's like, ah, they're 70 pounds overweight, and they're like, Well, I would just love if I was 30 pounds less. I'm like, 30 pounds less. I want to see your abs. Have you ever seen your abs before? No. We're gonna. You're gonna look like you're casted for your favorite superhero movie and have a great relationship in your mind and have great digestion, libido, and have great relationships and probably make more money. Right. To answer your question, without avoiding it, I think the rebuild replaces a great coach, physique development coach. I think the rebuild replaces therapy and or life coaching, all in the same bucket. And I have to define therapy first because what I'm doing is very different than talk therapy, which I think doesn't work in most settings. I was gonna say you have an interesting take on therapy. And the reason that that is, is because I think the definition of anxiety is thinking about yourself and rumination. And I think that talk therapy, because of the guidelines put on the therapists, they can never share personal information, they can't tell you what to do. Do you know how annoying it is to have problems pointed out to you and then not have any help to find a solution? I've spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on business mentors, and I'm telling you right now, if that's what they told me, none of them would have got any money. Here's this big problem in your business, figure it out. And then they just sit back on like a high horse, and this isn't on the therapist, by the way. This is the system. It's like, no, and I also know if we look back throughout history, all of the greatest thinkers throughout life were taught through mentorship. And so I look at this as like actually what I what I think it I'm doing is life mentorship using my experience. And I'm not for everyone, and I can't help everyone with everything, but I've been through a lot. I've solved for a lot of problems. I've solved the money problem, I've solved the mindset problem, I've solved the physique problem, which is a lot of people would like to solve those problems. So I happen to be highly utilitarian in those areas. When someone comes to me, I don't mind telling them, hey, I see this being a problem in your relationship because I went through a divorce and I did these stupid things or didn't do these smart things, and that caused me a lot of pain. I don't want to see that for you. What do you think? So I'm never telling someone like, hey, go and do this. But because I shine the mirror so well, and I'm actually very childlike curious while I'll ask good questions, people will point it out to themselves. And once you see something, truly see it, you can't unsee it. It's the human mind. Like if you realize, like, oh man, I really don't like my job. Once they admit that, now the scary work can start. There's a reason, and all you like this, because all Chinese proverbs and mythology, why did a dragon hoard the gold? In every story. It's because to face the dragon voluntarily is to get the gold, meaning what you seek often lurks where you least want to look. Right? And that is the adventure of your life. And all the time, fear has crept into our society because we're so scared of everyone else and judgment. And I was given the gift when I was really young and still wrestle with it, I'm being honest, way too much ego. So I just saw the world through a different view because I didn't give a fuck what anyone else thought. And I kind of still don't. I'm still human, I'm not psychopathic. Like if people are upset at me, I definitely don't like that. But as far as like other unnamed people that I don't know, that don't have like a proxy to me, or they haven't done what I want to do in life, I just don't care because I I'm such a behaviorist bro by nature. Inputs and outputs. I know that the inputs to someone's life have given them mostly what they have. Yeah, therefore, if I don't want any of your outputs, I'm not listening to your inputs because it doesn't make any sense to me. And um we often think about life as like a series of luck or you know, like happenstance, and some of that exists, but it's a lot more about inputs, outputs. I can just see the equation when someone's talking to me. I mean, to be lucky, you have to be there to get the luck too. 100%. I I almost define luck as having created the conditions for success over and over again so that when the iron strikes, you're standing in it. Yeah. A lot of people aren't prepared for when luck is about to strike. As an example, if you really want a meaningful relationship, you want to find a mate, get in shape now. Don't wait till you get interested in someone then be like, ooh, like they're in really good shape and I would like to go after them, but I'm not quite up to par. And so let me get on it. Yeah, do it now. There's always an action that can be acted out now. If you want to make a living online, build an audience now before you even know what you're selling. Just build an audience. Yeah. Right? Do the work, do look at into the behaviors that can build an audience for your niche. Build the audience and then start selling something when you know what you're gonna sell. Don't wait till you have the genius idea of oh, this product would do amazing, and maybe it will, but no one's fucking listening to me.

SPEAKER_02 21:23

Yeah, it's kind of like that action versus uh preparation, right? It's always do and then be, not be and then do. And so many people flip that, right? So I know you mentioned a couple times not everyone is for me. Um what do you think is like the client that is your ideal client? And also the flip side, what is a client that maybe might not be best for you?

SPEAKER_01 21:48

That's so good. So someone who has very low levels of awareness and consciousness, and it doesn't mean that they can't grow that, is gonna struggle inside. The rebuild probably because I don't like having to point out problems that are perfectly obvious to me. And a lot of people that do that I turn away, I tell them, like, honestly, I don't want to have to make you feel shame because I can see that you're literally driving your car off of a cliff, but you think you're driving off into the sunset. I don't like being the person that's like, you should feel pain about this, because then I start dictating to people how they should feel about certain things. And I don't think that's my place. I'm a really good problem solver, right? And so if someone comes to me and is like, I don't have the physique I want, my business isn't going well. The real my communication, my relationships is absolutely shit. I can build systems around that to solve that. And so someone's coming already knowing with some pain. And they might not even deeply know exactly where it's coming from all that, but they know that something needs to change.

SPEAKER_02 22:54

It seems like that person's more open-minded.

SPEAKER_01 22:57

Slightly. And to be honest, I just view it as they haven't they've felt enough pain.

SPEAKER_02 23:01

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 23:02

So, like the way that I look at it, this sounds arrogant, but if I'm on a console call where I'm like, hey, I don't want to have to tell this person like what's wrong with them that puts me in this weird position, right? Yeah. Oftentimes I'm like, no, they're gonna watch my content for a year or two, and then they're gonna suffer the pain in their life from still having not changed from their poor out inputs, and they're gonna want to change the output, and then I'll be the obvious solution, and I'll probably be charging more when they come back.

SPEAKER_02 23:26

And so I'm not stressed. So it sounds like they're just not ready.

SPEAKER_01 23:29

Yeah, and uh because you you know, and I want to touch on this. I've never really touched on this before. My career started in health and fitness, and I love that, and I'm always gonna love it. I'm in the best shape of my life right now, yeah. And uh, well carrying the most responsibility, the best relationship with God, best relationship with my friends, and so it's amazing, and that's what I want to give to people. And uh I no longer identify as like a personal trainer. I I I would say, and honestly, I don't know what I am. That's crazy, right? And it sucks for me to admit, but like I would say that I'm more of a behaviorist and an emotions coach who doubles into health and fitness just because I have a severe interest in that. Yeah, right. And I want people to live fulfilled lives because I'll tell you what, I've been at the top of the bodybuilding industry, at the top of the supplement industry. Most of those people are sad as fuck. I was one of them, and I don't want to put that on everyone, right? Because I know the bodybuilding industry gets triggered, right? It's like you you didn't like it that much, and so you know, all of us are okay. It's like, no, I also have a gift for seeing through screens and the masks that people wear. Most people are very hurting. And there's like 10% of the people who are in it because they love it, and there's genuine reasoning, but there's a huge portion of that, and that's why the bodybuilding industry gets named as toxic. It is. It breeds ego, it breeds narcissism, and it invites it's actually a pathway to walk those behaviors and identities out and get rewarded for them. And so the behaviors that are negative get rewarded, so you double down on them, therefore never thinking you're wrong or never looking in the mirror and thinking, like, man, maybe I could change some stuff about this. And I see it with maturation. You very rarely see 40, 50, 60 year old bodybuilders. Why? Because people grow the fuck up.

SPEAKER_03 25:25

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 25:25

And as I'm in my mid-30s now, you're getting a little older. It's like, do you know how many people I've gotten to coach for five, six, seven years because I've been doing this so long? That's such a blessing. And I just watched them grow out of it. I had a call with a gentleman this morning. He just turned 28. He's competed a few times, and he was like, you know what? I just want to have a family soon. I'm not saying I'll never do it again, but I don't have the leverage to go. Yeah. And he thanked me. He's like, bro, I I started going to the gym because I hated myself. And in the work that I've done with you, I don't feel that way anymore. And so I don't feel this driving need to go to the gym and suffer every day and every reptile failure and this whole raw-rah shit. You take that lever, the pain, if you take the pain leverage away from someone, most of them don't go act out those behaviors. Yeah. And I'm not saying everyone, however, it's not a coincidence to me that you don't see many 35-year-old women wanting to go to the gym and squat like two, three plates on the Smith machine and take some PEDs. Yeah. Where do I see that mostly? 18 to 23-year-old girls. You know, who doesn't have a fucking clue about the world and should probably not even make decisions for themselves? 18 to 23-year-old girls. Yeah. Right. And so it's like they outgrow that. It's not to say that everyone has to walk through this season. I've made a lot of like mistakes. I've done a lot of things that people wouldn't view as smart or intelligent. And so I think people need to go make mistakes. That's not me shaming any of that. It's just the reality of the situation. Yeah. You look later in life, you just don't see it. Why? Because they matured, they healed, life moved on, right?

SPEAKER_02 26:55

So can we get like more of a deep look, like a deep dive on what actually you do when it comes to the psychological side? So let's say if I'm your client, sure, I want to be your client, and let's say we're working together for a few months now, and you know, you mentioned the things like the exercise and nutrition. Let's say that is all dialed, but let's say I'm we're not getting to where we want to be. Like, where do you even start on the psychological side? Like what exactly would you be doing with people?

SPEAKER_01 27:30

This is so good, bro. Yeah. And we're gonna get real because it's I've had some of these conversations with you in like in our private talks. Yeah. And if you don't, I mean, I'm just using me as an example, but if you want to go on, I mean No, I I I do actually, because it's that's the thing, because it's this is where it's hard for me sometimes because to make up a scenario that is highly complex and deep is almost hard. It's like saying, come up with a Harry Potter movie that's not Harry Potter. True.

SPEAKER_02 27:56

But also, too, but if you're working with a client, you don't know them as well as let's say you know me. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 28:00

How do you so I call the first four weeks discovery?

SPEAKER_03 28:02

Ah God.

SPEAKER_01 28:03

So when you come to me, even if even if you genuinely need to lose 30 pounds of body fat, in the first 30 days, I don't give a shit if you lose any pounds at all. That's not the point. I'm trying to get to know you. View it as like you're being analyzed by an AI system that is my brain. Yeah. And every behavior, every word, I pay attention to everything. And by the end of four, sometimes six weeks, depending on how divulgent the person is, and in the series of questions that I ask, because when you get into the rebuild, it's not just how much do you weigh? How much are you eating? Did you train hard this week? That's like a lot of the my check-ins are deep, bro. Yeah. You know, it's like, are you do you have a meaningful relationship? Um, you know, do you have support in your environment and expand on that, right? And so I'm getting to see behind the curtains in your aspect, because I know one of the things that I see on your life, I've always seen this, bro. I think with your talents, gifts, and abilities that you could be one of the best video people in the entire country, if not the entire continent. I really believe that. I see you doing big projects, big visions. You have such a great heart to work with people, and I think that's part of your gift that you don't realize how many doors it would open for you. We've talked about this. It's like, why don't you do that? Is it because you don't have the technical skills? I don't believe that for a second. It's because you don't believe it about yourself.

unknown 29:22

100%.

SPEAKER_02 29:23

Yeah. Right. I feel like talking with my therapist, and we can get real here. I think we've always a big underlying thing was for me like, why am I such a people pleaser? And I always thought it was because I thought I was just like a nice guy and I wanted to be nice. But I think, like you said, it stems down to for my ex for me, for example, like my dad, like never being impressed with anything I did. So for me, nothing was ever good enough, and I think that's translated into my life. So, and yeah, I think it goes with the videography too. Maybe just thinking like I don't have that belief in myself. So, yeah, it's interesting.

SPEAKER_01 29:57

So, let's pull this apart because I love this one, by the way, and you were super super honest with me. I thank you for that. Being a people pleaser. So, actually, what I I spend a lot of time redefining or reframing, those are kind of the terms I use a lot because I see the world this uh I don't want to say I have the right worldview. I think there's a million worldviews, it's just happened to produce a lot of results for me and for other people. Therefore, I've kind of doubled down on it because by my own definition, I've been rewarded for those behaviors because I've watched them solve problems, not only for me, but for like hundreds of other people. Yeah. And so if I if I got into your situation a little bit there, it's like people pleasing. So what does that mean? Right. And then we go into that and it's like, okay, so maybe it's maybe it's your dad. A lot of folks, and I I lived this too, so you know that I have this in common. I'll give you a redefining statement or just reframing some of the thoughts in my head that helped me let go of this very thing. I left home very young to get away from the control of my dad, because he was very controlling and nothing was ever good enough. And so I I put myself through massive amounts of pain by leaving home at 15, sleeping in my car, figuring out how to survive, doing all this stuff. And then by the time I was 25, I still had this judgment, this fear of like really acting out what I wanted. I was still working in corporate because I thought, like, I have to have a job. Because, you know, this business is not real. It's just an online business, right? I had this voice. One day I'm sitting there and I realized like he's still controlling me. I'm fighting with a ghost. By definition, I'm and then I and then I defined it like this. I'm letting someone else's preferences for my life dictate my actions, which is keeping me from my goals. And it's making me feel worse about who I am because it's untapped potential. And everyone feels like shit when they know they have potential that they could be serving with and they're not using it.

SPEAKER_04 31:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 31:58

And then I went like, the fuck did I do all this last 10 years of work for then? I I'm letting go of that like today, because I'm letting someone else's preferences for my life dictate my actions, therefore dictate my outcomes. And so I'm I'm essentially allowing someone to say, I don't like what you're doing with your life. My preference for your life would be this. And then I I would respond with yes. Just like if I was to take a fine tooth comb of your life or a said person's life, I could probably make a few adjustments of my own that I think would be better for you.

SPEAKER_03 32:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:35

But guess what? That's we all get to live our own life.

SPEAKER_03 32:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 32:38

All right. And so that people pleasing thing, and then when you can boil down that it's even we'll say people pleasing. No, you're usually pleasing two or three people, not people. And then you're taking dad's judgment and then placing that over everyone in social media. So now we're scared to post a video. Yeah. Because we're actually scared of dad's judgment, but we're extrapolating it to everybody. Yeah. And then your anxiety grows in relativity to the threat size. And so we amplify the threat that's not even real. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 33:07

Yeah, because none of it even you think, like none every time I do something like that, I don't even relate it back to my dad. I need I needed someone to be like, hey, this is right. Probably why. And I was like, really? I've never thought about that once. Yeah. And then it's inter it's crazy how that just forms forms your identity, right? I'm going back to identity now. It just becomes who you are. And obviously, like, you know, what you did, amazing. Um, I always tell myself, I just need to quote unquote lock in. But kind of like what you did with yourself being like, Oh, I don't want this to define me anymore.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

So I think it's a it's about a series of trade-offs. And I think a lot of people are unwilling to make trade-offs in modern culture because we can get things so fast and we're so comfortable across so many domains. And so optionality is only useful when you actually act out the options. Yeah. Because for Sean, maybe you're going like, and and I I'm making this up right now, so these are just random examples. Maybe actually, I'll just use myself because I don't want to speculate for me. Well, I have a lot of skills. Let's say I wasn't acting out the the potential that I feel like I have. Maybe someone's in a position like me where they could have their own business, they could have these things, but they're kind of stuck because they're not considering the cost of inaction. They're only considering the cost of action. And so, well, I have an inheritance, and so I could fall back on that. I have skills that I could just go work for someone else. I kind of have the side business half going. Makes me a little money, but I'm comfortable. I don't have to invest, I don't have to get scary, I don't have to put my back against the wall. Yeah. And you have a few other paths. Maybe my wife does pretty well, you know, or my girlfriend, or you know, she makes some money too. So I'm okay there. But we never, we're just standing in like a labyrinth looking at all these doors that we could go down. Yeah. And guess what? The life interest on not taking those choices sucks later. It's like health and big decisions in life, you pay with a massive interest. I'm watching my dad go through this right now. It's been health, unhealthy his whole life. It's affected him, I'm sure. You know, like my dad's not a deep man, he's a 70-year-old dude from Saskatchewan. So it's like we've never talked about like body imagery, how he felt about being overweight. But I I know that how people think about themselves, and so that's been hard. But he's not really up until now, I'd say the last five years, suffered the consequences of that. But the consequences are now on praetor distribution, right? So, like he could still go boating, 350 pounds, you know, like he but he could get on the boat and he worked his whole life like that, and so you just that's how you feel, right? And we could go to the lake and do things now. Well, he just got diagnosed with Parkinson's, and so now that domino does this, and when you already have diabetes and high cholesterol, high blood pressure, and you've been overweight for 30 years, now leaving the house is nearly impossible. Yeah, but his mind is still sharp, and so that might mean that he has 10 years in that carcass prison, not being able to act out or use the resources that he worked so hard for to up his quality of life because he avoided the health decisions for so long that now there's no decision to make. And it's sad because even if right now he wanted to get in shape, he would have a hard time like do after 55. It's not so easy. I'm gonna be real honest with you. And that's I'm not trying to scare people, but like that's that's the driving force. Like, do this now. There's never a better time than today. Yeah, it's not, oh well, when the kids graduate or when no, it's it's always gonna be the easiest today. Yeah, I know that sucks to hear, but it's today's the easiest day. Every day into the future, it gets harder by definition because your anxiety grows and you shrink relative to the avoidance. That's why when someone's avoided something for freaking 10 years, five years, three years, it's really hard to do. Yeah, you know, and we see this when we're all we're all young, we can all relate to being maybe in a relationship in our 20s or something that we know is just not really the thing, but they're a nice person, you know, and you don't want to hurt their feelings. You've let it drag seven months now, and you've known in your heart, right? And that whole time building resent that your life isn't the way that you want because we're too scared to tell the truth. Yeah. And so sometimes you have to tell the truth to yourself, which sucks.

SPEAKER_02 37:23

So circling back, are you able to enact action then when maybe you've pinpointed, like, hey, these are the reasons why psychologically you're not where we're at. So going coming back to me as your client, like let's say you figured out, like, oh, you're a people pleaser, uh, this is why you act this way. So now we need to get action involved. So are you the person that's actually helping them do the action? 100%. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 37:46

And so this is the difference between me and therapy. Yeah. And I would say to you, okay, Sean, and and I might not do this like right out of the gate, but let's say we and I'm gonna get like uh I'm gonna amplify this a little bit for uh entertainment factor. We might come to the fact that, and I always boil down the week. So I I deal with things that are a very long-term vision, and then I boil it down to the actions we can take this week, and I base those actions on what I view the person's capacity based on previous behaviors. And so that's the one-to-one experience where if I feel like this person's really competent, I might give them some bigger tasks of the gate, but I might have to tell someone first, they might just be making their bed every day. And this sounds really embarrassing, but like for some people, it's like, no, you have to brush your teeth twice a day. And I know this sounds stupid. I know this sounds like childish. Most people have inner child issues that they need to work out and they need to reparent themselves and realize that their parents never come in to save them. There's no one coming to save them. And so if the only reason listen, life's very unfair, and people have bad walks of life and bad luck, and things do happen that we just can't explain. And so I don't try to take the place of God, but I can tell you this no one's gonna wake up in the morning and care about changing your life more than you, and probably no one else is. So that means by definition, you're the only person that can actually affect change. Yeah. So for you, it might be like, hey, Sean, this week we I'm gonna get you to call your dad and tell him this. Yeah. Oh, yeah. We might have to wrestle through that for a month before you pull the trigger. But hypothetically, get with me that you could walk this out and build the confidence to do that. The day you do that, bro. Um I could get emotional talking about this because I know you. Yeah, your fucking heart would explode. You would feel like you took an anvil, you thought those split squats you were doing at the gym today were heavy. You you would feel like you drop that off your back. Your spirit would feel so light, and God only knows what happens from there. Yeah, I'm telling you. And so this is the work I see all the time. And it might start off and like that. That's like kind of a big scary example for all of us, which is why I use that. Yeah. But it might be like women are more likely to swallow down their own desires. Part of that is biology because they were designed to look after small creatures who are very needy, especially in the first like you know, 18 years of their life, but more so as an infant.

SPEAKER_04 40:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 40:12

Um, and so they're they're biologically programmed to be more agreeable. But that can bite them if they're not careful, because in a relationship, they can just go months and months and months without saying something. And they have a desire, and men do this too, where maybe I would prefer if you didn't leave your dishes out. Yeah. But I am too scared to tell you because of maybe how you've reacted in the past, or because maybe I'm using other people's reactions from the past to put that on someone that's not even going to act with those negative behaviors, but I just think they are. And so I might tell someone, like, no, you have to tell them. Like, you can't expect someone to read your mind. And it's like, well, I feel like they don't love me. And I'm like, okay, but you're defining love by not picking up the dishes. Meanwhile, that man or woman might say, like, yeah, but I I pay the bills, I do X, Y, Z things. That's how I show my love. Yeah. And so it's like you're trying to define the outcome by your specific set of definitions that you haven't shared with someone. Yeah, there's no key. Therefore, how are they gonna hit the target? I do a lot of this. I do a lot of communication, redefining, and reframing. And I'll get a little personal. I was I'm trying I've been trying to figure out where what my gift actually is. And I'm gonna use a Carl Carl Jung quote that I love, and it's very offensive to people, and so brace. Carl Jung said, Most people think they know how to think, but what happens is thoughts appear to them axiomatically and they take them all as true. And so most people don't know how to think. But if I asked you, do you know how to think? It's offensive that I even asked you the question. Your first reaction is, What the fuck do you mean do I know how to think? And the truth is, no, you don't probably. And I also don't want to say that I know how the perfect way of thinking works, but in the domains where I have expertise, yeah, I do. I've seen the patterns that produce the best outcomes across thousands of lives, and so I'm pretty confident in some of the ways that I think to structure the problems that I think I can solve. And so when I come back to that frame, I've been talking to Sarah about this, and I'm like, and she had a really harsh uh upbringing as far as her dad's relationship goes. A very strong personality father, I'll leave it at that. And I would say to her, like, what would they say when they said no to you? Or you weren't allowed to do something you wanted to do, or you know, you couldn't go with your friends, or like, how explain to me the whole thing. And so it's something like, Hey, can I go with my friends this weekend? Maybe it's Friday night. No. Well, how come? Because you didn't ask far enough in advance. Okay. In the future, what is enough in advance so that I wouldn't run into this roadblock again? Like, what day do I have to ask you for the upcoming weekend? Well, I'm not sure because we never know what's going on. We're busy. And the iterations of quite it doesn't matter how many questions you ask, that the ant the target was just moving, yeah, no matter what. And my dad, I'm telling you right now, was like disciplinarian. But I love that man so much, and it took me 35 years to give him credit for this. I knew exactly why there would be punishment or reward for exactly everything that I did. Dylan, you're gonna get up, you're eight years old, you're gonna get up at four in the morning, and you're gonna go outside with the chainsaw in the middle of winter, cut this wood, and put it in this boiler. Kids have questions. Why do I have to get up and do this, dad? Because that's what heats our house. That's what heats the hot tub that I use every morning to make sure that my body doesn't feel like shit so I can provide money to keep this stuff going. It heats the shop, which I'm going to work in in the winter. Most importantly, that boiler heats the grain bins that are drying the grain that is our living. If you do not do this, or if you fuck it up, you might as well run yourself over with the truck because that's what it's going to feel like when I'm done, or if you do not do this right. You can think that's very harsh for an eight-year-old to hear, but it is, but it's the ultimate truth. He meant what he said. And that was even if you don't like it, I could sit back and go like that makes sense. Fair enough. Yeah. If I don't do this, four million dollars worth of grain is gonna spoil. That would probably be pretty upsetting.

SPEAKER_03 44:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 44:55

And you've deemed that this is my responsibility, and I live under your roof. So there's carrot and stick are very clear. Yeah. They weren't moving. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 45:04

What if you ask, why can't you do it?

SPEAKER_01 45:08

If oh man, I don't think I would have ever dreamed asking that, but in a hypothetical situation, he probably like honestly, there would have been certain times of the year andor bipolar moments where if I asked that, it's just automatically a lot of violence. But in the there would have been other moments where I let's say could have asked that and not had that been the outcome, he probably would have said something like, Because I have other responsibilities that you're too dumb to do andor not old enough that are way more important. So I'm giving you the things that you can be responsible for.

SPEAKER_04 45:38

That makes sense.

unknown 45:39

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 45:39

And if I think about my view of life, that's actually helped me a lot, extreme responsibility and accountability. That's what that was. And to be honest, in the modern world, I feel like nobody wants, again, they don't want trade-offs. We're all allergic to trade-offs, right? Yeah. It's like, well, I want to have this type of physique, but I'm eating out five times a week. Okay, well, then just stop eating out five times a week. Oh, but oh yeah, oh this. It's like, no, you don't get both. Stop. That's improper thinking. It's not to say that you can't have some free meals and stuff. It's not like all or nothing. The point is that when you're not willing to make the trade-off, you're treating a wish like a goal.

SPEAKER_03 46:19

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 46:20

Right? And excuse me, you're treating a goal like a wish. Goals have specific actions that need to be acted out. When an Olympic sprinter is trying to increase their time for in the next four years for the next Olympics, their coach is putting them through a series of training programs. Their coach is getting them to eat a certain way. There's a bunch of behaviors that four years from now, granted they increase their time on the track, improve their time on the track, you could look back and it's like it wasn't luck. There was a series of behaviors loaded in over four years. So the output changed. Inputs changed, outputs changed. But just sitting back and not wanting to change any of the inputs and expecting a different output is like the definition of insanity, bro.

SPEAKER_02 47:04

The work that you do on the psychological side is a lot. Like, I don't think any online fitness coach is doing anything like this. How do you like I guess like when I look at it, like, how do you justify providing all that value in your service? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 47:23

Like so, you this is gonna be a fun answer. I've been doing this for a long time, just not as competently and as open as I have been. Even when I was obesity coaching or functional health coaching or bodybuilding coaching, I was doing as much of this as the playing field that I was on would allow me to do. That makes sense. When I was younger, I did a lot of it because I wanted to prove that I was smart enough to do it. So if I'm being honest, it was based out of ego. Yeah. And when I turned 30 and started to find some spiritual journey and find out that, like, oh, Dylan, to your own, by your own definition, you are suffering severely and you've never looked at the spirit side of your life at all. You've done absolutely everything to avoid this. And now this you the interest is here, cannot run it anymore. And so as I developed a relationship with God and everything that He did in my life, I realized that, like, oh, I actually still want to do this thing. I want to do it more, but I want to do it because I want to serve. I want to end the suffering that I've lived in all these different domains. And I'm pretty stupid, and so I've made a bunch of mistakes. I've always lived life like full speed, man. And so, you know, I've been a criminal, I've been divorced, I've built businesses, exited them, made mistakes, made money, lost money. And so I know all the pains that those things produce. And so it's my honor to get to serve people in that way. It just it absolutely fills my heart. Now more than just a business. It's way more than just a business to me. Because to be honest, I could make more money doing other things. Yeah. It's not to say that I'm not very well rewarded because I am, but if it was just about money, I wouldn't do this the way that I do it. Um, and I just think there's such a desire for it. And I also am always playing a much longer game than people realize. So, as an example, the work that I'm doing now is gonna be the reason that I author many books and I speak on stages and I get to affect people that like my my mentors, my ideal mentors that they've done. So I've never looked at fitness coaches as impressive, if I'm being really honest. I always thought that what they could do is really easy. Yeah. Like I'm just being really frank. And um, for me, it's like I'm looking at Joe Hudson, Tony Robbins, Joe Dispenza, Brennan Bouchard, you know, like Jim Rohn. So this is these are the people that I aspire to be. Yeah, and fitness and health will just have been the vehicle that I use to get there. That makes sense. And I'll be better than all those guys because I'll have learned everything that they've learned, but I'll know how to get people jacked out of their mind while they're doing it. And and that is pretty valuable, to be honest. Yeah. Yeah. And so it's it's this fun kind of mix of all my interests. Now, how I know why I'm so convicted in this, this is crazy. When I was 10 years old, I was already super obsessed with history, war, dark shit. But I wanted to know everything about the human mind. And I think it's because of the environment I grew up in. I became a practical psychologist very young. My dad was pretty bipolar and pretty violent. And so you have to learn to read the room. I had two to three seconds before violence is going to appear. So I got to be a master of weaving through emotions and reading energy. And I asked my mom for my 10th birthday for a copy of Marcus Aurelius' Meditations. And I remember being just like obsessed reading that on a flashlight in my bed. I never knew until six months ago why that was the case. I would ask myself all the time, like when I would tell that story to a friend or on a podcast, I would say something like, God only knows why a 10-year-old wanted that book. Which then translated to everything else I've been interested in, if that makes sense. So there's just an example of philosophy, but psychology, mindset, neuroscience, all of it. Studying people, human behavior, I'm such a people watcher. You know, I go out and I'm like, oh, that this waitress brought the thing like this, and this guy grimaced, you know. And so I've just been studying this for so long. I'm just interested in it. We don't really get to choose what grips us. And then when I started the rebuild and I started to see the way I was able to change lives through the quests that I've been on my whole life, I was like, oh, God put that in my life because he knew I was going to use it 30 years later. That's powerful for me, man. I get like chills because I know that's true. And to someone who doesn't know me or doesn't believe in me, like that's totally fine. I get how crazy that sounds, but like in my heart, I call I call this like knowing is here and understanding is here. Yeah. And I understand it here. I feel it in my knowher.

SPEAKER_02 51:57

Do you think there should be a line drawn between you know professionalism and I I don't actually not professionalism, but like because what you're doing, you probably get very personal with the client. So for you, for example, is there a line drawn where it's like, you know what, I have to keep this professional or um it's cross that line to being like personal?

SPEAKER_01 52:20

So I would say the way that I keep professional boundaries is through systems of like working hours. Yeah. And there's a specific day where you do your check-in. You can reach out to me at any time and I'm gonna be able to help you. But if I'm sleeping, I'm not waking up in the middle of the night. And so there's like boundaries in that sense. But I think all these like stay in your lane clinical boundaries, bullshit. Modern culture psyop garbage. That's not how human beings have learned anything throughout the course of history until garbage universities came into play.

SPEAKER_03 52:50

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 52:51

Human beings always learn through mentorship from top down, right? And now we're learning like these little steps of like in grade six and grade seven and grade eight. And so people aren't being mentored. They're being spoken at, not spoken to. And so when I think about like professional boundaries, I think those are the reasons that doctors can't solve any metabolic problems. I think those are the reasons therapists have the worst by by definition. It's like you're losing. Right? It's it's like your pills aren't working, your stupid talk therapy is not working by definition. We're getting worse, not better. Yeah, people are getting fatter. Oh, just go to the doctor. Why? It's like saying, go play on the losing team to me. And I create winning. So it's like, I just don't care. Like, this is where like maybe it's ego, I don't know. But like, what if some therapist judges you? Okay, well, come and sit down, we'll have a debate, we'll see how much you know about human behavior.

SPEAKER_02 53:47

I was more so thinking like a safeguard for your personal uh mental space. Oh, see, I took it from the other way, but no, that's great.

SPEAKER_01 53:55

This is a great question. People ask me this all the time. You're asking some good questions, bro. Exciting.

SPEAKER_02 54:02

I have to look at the questions.

SPEAKER_01 54:04

That's totally good. Um I was built for this. I don't know how to explain it. It's not hard to me. It's way harder for me to come and do this filming and content than it is to go. I love it. I love when I wake up and I'm like, good, there's problems to solve, there's people to help. I it energizes me. I don't get sometimes I work hard and I get tired, you know, after a long, heavy check-in day, I'm like mentally depleted, but it doesn't like drain my battery long term. And I've just built my capacity up to do it.

SPEAKER_00 54:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 54:36

And because I've actually seen my capacity increase, I'm like, oh, this is why I'll be able to do it in a grandstand in front of 20,000 people and affect people at that scale. Yeah. Because I did it the way that I'm doing it now. Okay. And uh, but even with like fitness coaches, right? So like let's just take all the behavior stuff out of it, let's just talk about like health, nutrition, fitness clients. I've built quite a few fitness businesses to some version of success. I would say that I'm very blessed to be in the top 1% of fitness coaches. There's a million coaches. Most people are famine, they're not feast, right? And to be honest, I've always done quite well relative to the to where I was at in my life with fitness coaching. And um one of the things that I like realized really early on was that I just had a capacity, like a work capacity. And most people have none. And so if you were to ask a coach right now, like I have this all the time where I'm like, oh, how many clients do you have? If I go to a networking or I go to a business event, how many clients do you have? They're like, Oh, I have 50 clients and I'm just slammed. I have to hire an assistant coach. And I'm like, that's literally nothing. Like I could do that from my phone without I my first coaching business that I grew to a hundred people, I didn't even have spreadsheets, bro. And I've played this game with people who think that I can't, like close friends, where it's like, well, how do you know like what they were eating, or how do you know like what they weighed? Like six weeks ago. And I'm like, ask me. Wow, here's my phone, pick a client. What do you want to know? And I've just rattled off the information.

SPEAKER_02 56:07

Well, that's a gift then.

SPEAKER_01 56:09

Yeah, I didn't do anything to do that. Like, I've taught my brain how to take in information because I've been obsessed with productivity, but a lot of that's just a God-given gift, bro. I didn't do anything to get it.

SPEAKER_02 56:18

But it also seems like you must really care. And then if you just know, right?

SPEAKER_01 56:22

I care a lot. That's why I care like way too much. I've had to work on and working out ego out of me has made me realize that as a leader or as a coach, I can bring solutions, I can bring belief, I can bring positive word, I can bring truth in life, but I can't bring determination. Yeah. And if someone who is only solving problems to prove themselves worthy tries to get attached to someone who has no determination, we start to feel like we're gonna save your complex them. I'm gonna do it for them. That is where your battery gets really burnt out. Instead of realizing, you know what, I'm here in a I'm here in this person's life for a season. And if I get to affect one little golden nugget that they can take, and then in three years they meet another coach or they meet a mentor, or they just wake up to something and they're like, you know what, it's time now. And I I view it as like I could throw a rock in the pond and there was a little ripple. It wasn't a tidal wave by any means, but I was just a positive part of it, then that's enough for me. And the Lord has a path for everyone, and so maybe this is the way it was supposed to be. Versus I would lay up awake at night, like, what can I say to them? Like, I don't know how to get this through it's so clear to me, you know, and I would take it all as like me, it's my fault. But that was the internal judge I had of never having been able to do anything right. Yeah, I received love through solving problems, accomplishment, achievement, or excellence, and anything else was punished extremely.

SPEAKER_02 57:53

That issue I feel like is what most coaches face. Even when I was like a personal trainer, if like a client was uh wasn't doing what I thought that they needed to do, I just kinda kind of just discarded them being like, oh, they're never gonna get in shape because they're not doing this, this, and this. Because I know this is what it takes to get in shape because I've done it myself and it's worked for me. Whereas like, yeah, I was talking to a client, like maybe them just showing up on their busy on that uh, you know, once a week was like that, like you said, that little pebble you threw that kind of trickled into something more.

SPEAKER_01 58:28

Right. And it's I'll I'll I'll change this from health and fitness because so many people, it's a bigger pool of people who play in it and try to get healthy throughout their life and fail. Let's take it from an entrepreneurial perspective because I've always been very obsessed with like business as well. We glorify the fact that most successful business people have failed three, four, five, including me, before they get a successful one, right? All it takes is one time though.

SPEAKER_03 58:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 58:55

And so if they show up to the gym to train with you, but they really weren't good on their nutrition, maybe they do that for six freaking weeks, maybe they do that for six months, and then they see a photo of themselves, they do a passport photo. The Lord puts an opportunity, and all those little things you said to them over the sessions, and it comes together like a puzzle. Yeah, and maybe they're not even hiring you anymore. Maybe they have a new trainer, or maybe they haven't had one, and now they're they've moved cities and they have to get a new one, but they're gonna remember everything that you stewarded into them. And so that's the way I look at it. They're here, and here's the truth this was hard for me. Um, because I think I suffered a lot of rejection and loneliness as a young person, especially as an adolescent, and I didn't want to ever be left or rejected, and therefore I would act in a way that would I would act in a way that was only designed to keep people from leaving me, which isn't the same thing as serving them for while you have them in your life, because most people are only in your life for seasons. I I learned this a lot in the last few years, right? Where it's like very rarely does someone come into your life and now they're there forever. That's a good point. It's think about it, who who name them? Anyone listening to this or watching this, name them. They're just few and far between. So one or two friends. Yes. So that's it. And you know, if you're really lucky and not stupid like me, maybe your marriage. Yeah, I I didn't even do that right, you know, and so it's like, man, okay, well, what if you want to get really raw, if I look at my marriage, if I would have thought about it from this frame, even with the same negative ending, I could have served so much better. If I would have had that in my heart posture of like, I'm all I'm here for a season, or maybe it's forever, but I'm gonna act as if I'm here to serve while I'm here. And it wouldn't have been so selfish, wouldn't have been about me. You're not why you're not letting me live my life, you're not, you're not doing this, that, the other thing, right? It would have been more about serving. And so my whole goal now is to try and serve. And as someone who's wrestled with tons of selfishness in their life, and I think most survivors have wrestled with selfishness because that's you kind of have to be selfish by definition, because you can't think about anything else or you die. And so, but after that, the Lord has really shown me, like, Dylan, I've blessed you, I've given you favor, I want you to speak into people with the gifts I've given you. And so that's why it's not energy draining for me. And I view it as a gift to practice where my ultimate vision is going. Because I know that if I serve 3,000 clients exactly the same way without making any more money, it's not about money, even if the Lord never elevated me from the status or or position I have. Yeah, but one day, if he decides to, all the practice that I've put in from helping people and serving people is gonna come in so valuable that I'm willing to bet on it. Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 1:01:44

Yeah, yeah. I want to ask another question. Shoot. Um obviously spirituality is a big part of your would you say of your coaching practice, right? Yes. What do you what do you think separates you from, you know, I guess a belief in God versus another coach who isn't um let's say religious? Or how do you use that to help your clients? It's a great question. Even the clients that maybe don't believe in.

SPEAKER_01 1:02:16

Yeah, and so it's such a good question. I'm the least preach person that you're gonna meet. Because I've made way too many mistakes in my life, and I'm the least religious person. And I just did a call with my live m my clients on a live kind of about this, where like you have to understand that I'm not really I get some smoke for talking about spirituality on the internet and specifically Christianity, because that's the vehicle that I've chosen for myself. But I don't think that anyone should do anything that they're not like called to do. That's the whole point of Christianity. It's actually free will. If you remove the free will, and that's the difference that I feel between Christianity and the other religions, the other religions. I've read the Quran, I've read the Torah. It's like do these things and you'll be accepted, versus there's nothing you can do to be accepted besides giving the love, me giving you the love and grace as your whole loving father, Christ Jesus, because you're too imperfect. If it was a works-based project, you already failed.

SPEAKER_05 1:03:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:12

And for me, it's like, of course, I'm a screw up, right? And so that just made sense. And so I try and act out the teachings that and the and the lessons that I've learned through faith practice so that I can be the lampstand on the hill and I don't have to talk religious. People just want what I have on my life. Yeah, they're like, wait, there's something coming off of him that's different. And I often use scripture in my teaching not as a religious tool, as a philosophical tool. Yeah. And so I'll say to someone if someone's really struggling with like negative self-talk, and they have like a very harsh negative judge in their mind and they feel like they can never get to their goals, I might say to them something like, you know, this reminds me of a proverb, Proverbs 13, 4, hope deferred makes the heart sick. But a supportive word is the tree of life. And so I'm here to give you a supportive word.

SPEAKER_03 1:04:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:04:15

Because I believe in you and I see you, and you're more than this. They don't take that as religious. No one I've ever said that to goes, why are you reading scriptures to me? It's because I'm not reading scriptures to them. I'm seeing them. And I'm showing them that this way of living actually has a lot of wisdom to it. And when I ask, so this is very interesting to know, and this is sort of getting into an aside, but I love this shit. You know, I could talk about it all day. I think religion is ass. And so I don't think any religion by definition is good. I think faith is good. And I think in modern culture, we think that we don't have a faith. Like we can just choose not to have something that we believe in that's greater than ourselves. Yes, you do. You don't get that option as a human. It's an idol in something.

SPEAKER_03 1:05:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:05:09

Let's get real, man. Like, what are a lot of these cultural movements? They're replacing religions. Yeah. The carnivore diet, that's a religion in the fitness industry. Veganism. You believe in something. It's an identity, it's an identity that you're attaching to. Got it. And so I just chose the identity that produced better fruit in my life. And so I because people will often ask me, like, you're such an evidence-based guy, you're such a logic-based guy. And I'm like, Yeah, because I started acting out the behaviors from the teaching in this book. Yeah. Separate from how it made me feel in my heart and all that. Cause that's I can't describe that to someone with words that just don't sound like mouth noises. But I can tell you the physical teachings, the wisdom I applied to my life, and I watched my life get incrementally better. Yeah. And I got way less, way more peaceful. And so it's like, well. By by my own definition, if I get to the end of my life and I find out it's not true, what's the downside?

SPEAKER_02 1:06:06

Who cares?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:07

Yeah. I know right now, and you've known me in a bunch of seasons in my life. I guarantee you'd rather hang out with me now than pre-Christian.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:13

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:14

And I think everyone that knows me would say that.

SPEAKER_03 1:06:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:17

And I think that most people have seen I've done a lot of growth because I hear it all the time. Well, when I get to the end of my life, if I did find out for some reason, I wouldn't be like, oh shucks. I bettered my life by following principles that made me treat people better, made me treat myself better, serve better, have better vision. Oh, well, I was duped, man. Let me go back. I just, I'm not gonna think that.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:41

Let me be an asshole to everyone. Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:06:43

Right? And so it's actually not me saying everyone should be Christian when I say this, but I think you should have a faith.

SPEAKER_02 1:06:49

Okay. Yeah. So what's religion then?

SPEAKER_01 1:06:51

Religion to me is the man-made structure that faith comes from. Got it. I'm gonna be real with you right now. The religions don't like me. Like, um, because they they like they dislike truth more than the the uh like atheists or agnostics, and a lot of church people are brutally fucking lazy, bro. And they don't understand the inputs and outputs of the world because they have this whole God will take care of me. Yeah, it drives me nuts, and a lot of them want stuff for nothing. And I'm like, I can tell that you've just like lived comfortably in a fairy tale. It's like, go read the word. A sluggard will not have any riches, you know, like you can't just do nothing. And there's so many people who go there and they just put their hands up and they never do the deep work that I'm talking about. I view a lot of religions as the same thing as talk therapy. Going to listen to the same dickhead, talk at the front of the thing. And I go to church, by the way, and my spiritual father's a pastor, and so like I sit at the front of a church with a bunch of pastors, yeah, and I think the church organizations, specifically the non-denominationals, have gotten way too feminine, which has driven all the men away. And so then society isn't as strong because there's no leadership. And the cool thing about this is if you make a church very opening, welcoming, and masculine, women still feel comfortable in a masculine environment. Men don't feel comfortable in a feminine environment. Women will they love being led by strong, competent men. You go see a family, you know, a man's handling his family, he's looking after the kids, he's you know, providing. Women will walk into an environment like that all day long and feel great. They'll feel chase butterflies and not think about any of their anxieties or problems. You bring you bring a bunch of dudes and just make up songs and wave flags around, like all these men are just thinking, like, what is this?

SPEAKER_02 1:08:44

Oh, is that what you mean by the churches are becoming more feminine? Yeah, they have been.

SPEAKER_01 1:08:48

They've been for 35 years. We're seeing the we're seeing like the peak of that now, which is why uh Orthodox Catholic uh Orthodoxy and Catholicism are the highest growing religions right now because they still have the old ways left. You're not gonna go there and not gonna be, you know, waving a flag around and all kinds of stuff. There's structure, there's discipline, yeah. You know, it's a lot about facing things and there's responsibility baked in. Yeah. Right. And so, yeah, anyway, from from a coaching perspective, to loop back to answer your question in depth, I don't push anything on anyone. Yeah, and I very rarely bring it up. If there's an opportunity and the Lord says, like, hey, right now, and this is pretty cool, I've done a few consults with people in the last while where I've just made them so seen in their pain, and they're like, you know what's really weird? I came on this call not really knowing like why I was coming, but I felt this draw like I was supposed to be here, and this investment is scary for me, but for some reason, I just feel like I'm supposed to make this. And I've been they'll say something like, and I remember you starting like this. I've been trying to pray, even though I don't know what that means. I've been like asking questions in my head, yeah, and I can feel that there's this like higher power that I'm or the universe or something is out there bigger than me. And it's so cool for me to look them dead in the eye and be like, Oh, I was sent by Jesus, and so I know exactly who was talking to you because I'm a soldier, and so I was spent here for a specific mission to solve these problems that you have with your hand involved, yeah. Um, me as a guide by him. And so I know who you were talking to, and to see people's reactions when that is clearly stated to them is so cool. Where there's just like this kind of like deer in the headlights, they didn't realize they were gonna end up here on this weird sales call. And it's like, holy shit, he might be right. Yeah, and so I've seen a lot of people come to their faith, but it's not because I've told them to, and I will tell people who are wrestling, no, I don't think it's I don't think you should just pretend. Yeah, God wants you to have these questions, and I know they have a bad name in culture right now, but the definition of Israel, if you look back pre-Latin into Aramaic, is we who wrestle with God. What does wrestling with God mean?

SPEAKER_04 1:11:12

It's belief. Yeah, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:15

And so I think we all go through seasons of like that why this doesn't make any sense. Yeah, why is this happening? This sucks.

SPEAKER_02 1:11:22

It's just all the lessons that you read and learn from the Bible, they can be applied to anyone, but it doesn't has nothing to do with Christianity, right?

SPEAKER_01 1:11:30

Yeah, so like if you if you if you just took the teachings of Christ as a philosopher, yeah, and most of Western civilization um is built on philosophy, yeah. Um, mostly Seneca and Plato, actually, and some Marcus Aurelius, including like our governments and all that, people don't realize that. But Jesus would be the best philosopher, philosophies with a hammer, and so like you you know, you can't get around that being useful in and of the resurrection and the whole like faith, the supernatural part of it, the spiritual part, right? Does that make sense?

SPEAKER_02 1:12:05

Yeah, so do I think when it comes down to it, everyone talks about motivation. It's like you need to be motivated to do this. Why do you think so many people struggle with motivation? Or do you even think motivation is a real reason why they're not getting their goals?

SPEAKER_01 1:12:25

I think most people don't understand the definition and the working system of motivation. And so motivation is downstream from two other things. Right behind motivation is commitment. And I've also heard a lot of people either say, I just I have a hard time getting committed, or I lose commitment, or I lose motivation. And sometimes they interchange those definitions, but before that is a decision, and most people haven't actually made a decision because a decision is by definition cutting off all alternative paths and making one clear path. And then from there you can get committed because commitment literally is wiping away of everything else. When you're in a committed relationship, you're saying no to the other options. I could eat out, I could go and you know, sit on the couch and play games, but I've chosen, I've decided to go to the gym on this morning. I've decided to make my meal prep. Following that comes the chemical state that is emotion. Just like now people will say, I have anxiety. No, you don't have anxiety, you're anxious. That's a chemical state. It's a release of chemicals in your brain because your behavior and your physiology isn't acting out the right things. Yeah. Same thing with motivation. Motivation comes from doing a thing first voluntarily that you don't want to do, and then you get motivated. And most people are waiting for the motivation to do the thing. But the reason that they never get the motivation or the commitment is because they haven't made a decision. I want you to think about your life with me for one second. Because everyone can do this. There's a moment you made a decision and everything changed. There was an abusive relationship, you decided to apply for that job, you decided to take the move across the country, start the business, have the child, quit school. I could go down the list of difficult things. They sat on the edge of their bed and they went, I'm done with this. I'm not in this relationship anymore. Tomorrow morning, I'm getting in my car and I'm not looking back. I'm not texting him back anymore. I'm not going to that school anymore. I'm going to show up to that school tomorrow. That was a decision. And if you think of any of those things you already conquered in your life, you didn't really walk through it with motivation. You were feeling very unmotivated, actually. And everything in you was screaming, don't do this. Ego and pride always sounds like help when it comes up. It's protecting you, keeping you in comfort. And so most people are looking for motivation, pre-commitment, pre-decision. And so as soon as I walk this out with people, they're like, Holy shit. I never thought about it like this.

SPEAKER_02 1:15:11

What triggers the decision though?

SPEAKER_01 1:15:13

You have to usually swallow down three to five pills that you don't want to swallow. Because choices, again, are only useful if you actually act them out. And we just are so comfortable that we don't want to let the potential of anything go. I call it options maxing. Yeah. Everyone doesn't want to get in a committed relationship because, well, there's all these options on social media, right? There's the dating and the dating apps and all these things. You know, people are less likely to start businesses because I could just stay in my comfortable job. But when you decide to start a business, that means you've quit your job. Or you've put your notice in, or you've started the website, or whatever it is, the action that you had to take, right? You made a decision because from decision, action follows. And then from there you'll become committed. And then that's when motivation comes. And usually motivation only comes when you start to see progress towards the goal of value that you self-specified. And that takes time. The definition of courage is acting something out and not knowing if there's a payoff or that it's ever going to come. I always put it to people like this when I'm helping them in a live setting. If I could give people the feeling, even for 24 hours, if someone comes to me and they're really overweight and I could give them a super soldier serum that for 24 to 48 hours, their blood work was amazing. They had energy, libido, sex drive, mental clarity. They could go for a run. And then in the morning I said, I'm taking that away. They're fucking motivated. I'm telling you, they will do whatever they can to keep that. And they will go through a lot of pain to keep it. And as soon as I play this visualization exercise with people, they're like, but you're not walking this out long enough. So many people get into what I call the eye of the storm. A health and fitness journey is hard because of that, because it takes many weeks and months for your physiology to catch up with the actions that you're doing, even compared to entrepreneurship. If I decide to start a business today, selling vacuums, just making something up, like what anyone could start, you know. I might go knock on a thousand doors today and I might get some money today.

unknown 1:17:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:17:30

I can go to the gym today, there's nothing happening. I can eat good today, nothing's happening. And I can repeat that for many days and nothing's happening. And so that's why it's so freaking hard, right? Because it takes so long to see the perceived benefit, and that's actually where the motivation comes from. Because motivation is also based on not losing something that you value, not just walking towards something that seems good.

SPEAKER_02 1:17:54

You talk about motivation decisions. I'm surprised you haven't said this other word that comes a lot in the conversation, which is discipline. People always say motivation is fleeting, it takes real discipline.

SPEAKER_01 1:18:06

That's good. Um, I have a different working definition of discipline. I think people often don't have discipline because they think it's a strategy problem when it's actually a complexity problem. You were built for suffering and you were built to endure, but not under extreme complexity. As an example, if you said to me, I really want to write a book, so this will be a good personal example. If you said to me, which I've been having admittedly a hard time, I've started, but I'm I'm picking on myself, I feel like I should be further ahead, and I've been making excuses kind of copes, right? But there's some reality to those copes, and so sometimes two things can be true at the same time. If you said to me, hey, Dylan, I'm gonna give you an advance because I believe in your book so much that here's a two million dollar advance, and I'm going to remove all your responsibilities because I want my investment working for just that book. In the next two years, you need a book. That's pretty stressful because now I've taken some money, but I guarantee you I'm gonna crush the fuck out of that book.

SPEAKER_05 1:19:12

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:19:12

It's kind of harder to write a book under extreme amounts of complexity. And so finalizing a divorce, retiring my mom in this last year, leaving a bunch of businesses, starting a new business that's growing and thriving, getting mentorship so I can keep doing that, taking on two full-time employees, and writing a book. That's complex as fuck. Right. And a lot of those problems come. That's why I use the two million dollar example. Well, then I wouldn't worry about taking care of my mom that much. I wouldn't worry about my divorce. I wouldn't worry about uh, you know, like servicing all my clients in the 80 hours of work that I do a week to make sure they're taken care of. Because in this hypothetical example, I'm not worrying about that. I'm worrying about the book. And so I think I can create a lot more discipline when I help people simplify. And there's there is a lot of things in people's life that they're putting like effort towards that there's no juice coming from that squeeze. It's this is a waste of time, and or you're prioritizing it way too high. And so sometimes priorities have to shift and discipline will appear.

unknown 1:20:13

Got it.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:14

See, I always thought discipline was the factor to keep striving towards a goal with all those complexities you have in your life already.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:23

I think I interchange the word courage there.

unknown 1:20:27

Oh, interesting.

SPEAKER_01 1:20:28

Which is why I think courage is the most useful emotion to master. Yeah. Because without courage, you can't walk out any of the other underlying mechanism, behaviors, or emotions. Because you could be very gifted at videography, but if you're not courageous enough to go ask someone for money to give them a video, yeah, what's your talent do for you? You could be really smart, you could be really strong, right? Like you can have all these gifts, but if you're not courageous enough to act them out, uh favor fortunes the bold.

SPEAKER_02 1:20:58

Yeah, right. Lastly, another word pops up in my head. Um even just listening to you, I'm starting to feel this word inspired, which might lead to a decision where that decision leads you know symbol into motivation. Do you think inspiration maybe has something along lines to do with your clients?

SPEAKER_01 1:21:18

Whether they're I do because um to me that's being the lampstand on the hill. It's being an illuminating light to get people to see through a dark crevice that they felt is there but they could never see. And now because I believe in them so much that they can proxy belief from me, even if they have none themselves, and they can start acting out on those beliefs because they're also getting a strategy built by a master strategist who has solved these problems probably hundreds of times for other people. And so they can start acting it out. And as soon as I can get someone to take a step, even if it's pitifully small, and usually the first step is pitifully small. And I am honest with people, I'm like, you have the competence of a seven-year-old in this realm. And I'm not saying as a whole person, but as a person, you're a bunch of sub-persons. This sub-person sucks at this. And so, would you expect your kid to be able to ride a bike? You wouldn't get your kid a first bike and say, You're not getting any training wheels, I'm gonna push you down a mountainside. No, but guess what? People ride mountain bikes down mountains, but they didn't start there. They became competent with 10,000 hours of practice. And so, if that's, you know, like tracking your food or going to the gym or any of this stuff, working on your your mindset, working on on some of the identity stuff, you're not gonna, it's gonna feel like ass. One thing that really changed my life, I heard this podcast, maybe it was a TED Talk or I honestly don't remember working years ago, and it was about guitar, and I have no interest in learning guitar, but it was a guitar teacher, and he was kind of like, Once I tell people that you can pretty much be competent at playing guitar in 20 hours, and then I started thinking about is that true? And I'm like, you know, and he had some explanations as to why he believed it was true, and I looked into like learning patterns after this, and I was like, that is true, and then I'm like, Does that correlate to everything else? Yeah, and I went, Yeah, it does. About 20 to 30 hours for most skills for a human being, and I don't mean, because man, do I ever deal with this with business owners if I'm ever helping someone with align some of their business thinking? It's like, oh, well, I'm gonna start a business, and then I'll see someone four months later, and I'm like, How's the how's the startup going? Like you were gonna do this thing, and they're like, Oh, you know, I'm just working on getting an LLC set up, and I'm like, LLC, bro, that this is this is seven minutes, yeah, and there's AI now. Like this, this is this is like a website, like this could have happened. And so I mean 20 hours of focused, real work. And to be honest, because of TikTok brain, nobody does any of this anymore. That equates to like it is 5,000 hours, yeah, because you have 20 seconds of focus before your brain starts running around like a squirrel. That's like me. Yeah, and admittedly, I've protected myself from that to some degree. Like, bro, it's like a lock-in. Like, I'll do a 12-hour day and genuinely do a 12-hour day. I could never, you know, and I've done that for so long. Yeah, and so I think I'm also helping build people's capacity, and I think that they're inspired from some of the behaviors that I act out, not because I'm telling people like you should be like me, but I think anytime, because this happens to me, you know, like I've had a couple opportunities to spend some time with Dr. Jordan Peterson in conversation, which is a super great opportunity that most people are not gonna have. Yeah, when I'm talking to him, I'm like, oh, I'm retarded. Wow, this is so nice to be so retarded. And and but I I say that as like a some some to hear some satirical humor, but I mean that I'm inspired. Yeah, I'm like, wow, in 20 years, if I keep putting in the efforts that I'm putting and I keep this interest, maybe I can be this useful.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:01

Who do you think Jordan Peters can talk to that makes him feel that way? Anyone that's alive?

unknown 1:25:08

No.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:09

No, I think I think probably not. And there's many people like that. Now, would there be someone with like him talking to Elon about engineering? Yeah, he's probably going to. But the thing about con oh man, this is I want to finish this topic just because I think it's just been a fun podcast. Yeah. Um, people don't realize the degree of magnitude between first and second excellence.

SPEAKER_02 1:25:32

Yeah, you mentioned that.

SPEAKER_01 1:25:34

Like the degree of magnitude is something that you can't even explain until you've been around some of these people. Right. So, like, let's take I've spent some time with Mr. Beast. And I've also spent a lot of time with like I've been in around influencers and people who have done very, very well. I've spent some, I'm gonna use two examples that I think most people will know. So, and I'm using these two examples because I've spent liter like actual time with them. Um, let's say someone like Mr. Beast and Christian Guzman, right? So Christian Guzman has like Alpha Lead and Alpha Land and like huge brand, one of the biggest fitness companies of all time, what I would consider a media genius, literally. Yeah, he has Down syndrome around Mr. Beast, about growing a brand, about growing a YouTube channel. And so that's kind of what I'm saying is most people would look at Christian Guzman as like here's a winner, right? Like if I if you're talking to him, if you and I were talking to him right now, yeah, he would blow my mind continually, right? In the same niche, but in the same room with Mr. Beast, yeah, he's a small child.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:37

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:38

I call him Jimmy just because I've I've talked to him, but like Mr. Beast would be like on his laptop like this with headphones on, overhear a problem that is the biggest problem they have in their business, and go, just do this.

SPEAKER_03 1:26:50

Yeah. And it would actually work.

SPEAKER_01 1:26:52

Yeah. Like it gives me chills, bro. Like, look, I have goosebumps on my arms because I and I've been very lucky to be around a lot of great thinkers because I've paid to get in rooms around these people. It's super inspiring. And some people hate that, some people don't like that mirror. I love it. I'm like, yeah, give me more. Like, I want to I want to see the gap between where I am and reality.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:18

Is do you think that's attainable, though? Someone like Mr. Beast, or is that mostly no? That's he was born that way.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:24

I think that there's a genetic component and I think there's a behavior component to it. And I think that most people are complaining that they don't have the genetic component, which is probably true, but they're also acting out none of the behaviors.

SPEAKER_02 1:27:36

You see, when I said that exactly, I immediately thought like that's an excuse that a lot of people will use, even I'm sure dealing with clients is like, oh, well, I can't look like that because I'm just not born that way.

SPEAKER_01 1:27:47

Yeah, as an example, you know that I really love podcasting. And if I'm being really honest, I would love to have a bigger podcast than I do, and I'm very lucky to have two that do pretty well. My ego feels like I could serve more if it was bigger. And I feel like I could have a platform in theory that was much bigger. And I could handle the responsibility. And I think I would provide a lot of utility. And so in my ego moments, I'm not perfect, that I sit around and I'm like, why does Chris Williamson have a podcast like this? And sometimes, bro, and I'm going to get vulnerable. I'll be watching like top podcasts and I'll tell Sarah, I'm like this interviewer doesn't even know who they have in front of them. Why are they asking these stupid questions? Like they don't even know how to pull the greatness out of this person in front of them. And I get like envious, you know? And then when I check my heart with the Lord, it's like, and I'm just going to use a podcast that everyone knows who it is. It's not my favorite podcast, but like let's just say Joe Rogan. If I'm comparing myself to Joe Rogan, it's like, okay, so how many episodes have you done? Uh about 150, 200. How many episodes has Joe Rogan done? Uh about 5,000. And do you think that if you had done 5,000 episodes under the same conditions, right? Because that's like the luck and timing part. Yeah. Do you think that you'd be much closer to his brand than you are? Probably. Would I be? I don't honestly don't think so, because I think Rogan's got an amazing gift. And I think that, you know, whether you like him or not, he's he's a comedian. They're fucking geniuses. Yeah. They're way smarter than what people realize. Comedians are geniuses. And so he just pretends to be a meathead because that's how he can talk about outrageous shit and not get in trouble.

SPEAKER_02 1:29:25

Well, that's like Steve Bartlett, too. There's all of them. When you hear him talk on um on his podcast, it's very simple. But then when you hear him on another podcast, it's like, wow.

SPEAKER_01 1:29:35

Yeah, if someone's asking him how he grew an $800 million media company, all of a sudden you're like, oh, that dude's got some smoke. Like that guy's smart. Because a good host knows when to Rogan's very good about not making about himself. Yeah, yeah. Right. And he was just genuinely curious. It wasn't about the money. As where to be honest, until very recently, when I was trying to build a podcast brand, as I am, it was about me a lot of it. I want people to see me. I want people to hear what I have to say. Why? Why are you so fucking important? You know? It's like, but then when when the Lord came into my heart and helped me realize that, like if I if I can turn it into serving, maybe he'll help me get there.

SPEAKER_04 1:30:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:16

There's only one way to find out. But I know to your point, if I don't load in the behaviors or like behaviors, it's never gonna happen. And I would rat I know that human regret is the most painful emotion that we pay interest on as we age. Yeah. Because I've studied a lot of death for some reason. And uh it just scares me more. It's not that I'm brave, I'm just scared of different things. Right. So now when it comes to communication, I love hard conversations now. I've trained myself, but I'm actually very scared of hard conversations. I'm avoidant by nature. But I've nurtured myself to just jump into them because I'm way more scared of not having them because I know what that produces.

SPEAKER_02 1:30:56

Yeah, we've had some difficult conversations.

SPEAKER_01 1:30:58

Yeah, I just think and so it's like I know that if I say nothing, that is gonna lead to destitute. And it's not if it's when. And I'm just more scared of that than dealing with the truth right now. Even though that might produce negative emotion right now or negative problems or or or issues. But anything that I've ever walked through that's really shitty, it's because I had something to say or do and I wasn't doing it.