#112 DON'T LET THE BEDBUGS BITE ft. Sydney Sweeney!

🚨 FLAG FOOTBALL, BED BUGS & WHAT CAME FIRST, THE ORANGE OR THE ORANGE? 🚨

This week on The Pour Choices Show, we start with a fake ad for a fitness app designed for guys who grunt when they stand up… and somehow end up with flag football controversy, evolutionary debates, and one of the worst travel stories you’ll ever hear.

We kick things off revisiting an old take where Chris confidently said a professional flag football team wouldn’t stand a chance against NFL players… only for reality to absolutely embarrass him. Team USA didn’t just win… they dominated, and now we all have to sit with that.

From there, things unravel fast.

We debate whether buying a bigger bed gives you more or less bedroom, question the origin of the color orange, and try to figure out how an onion in Chris’s pantry turned into something that looks like it’s plotting against him.

Then it gets weird in the best way:

• If humans go extinct… do we just come back again eventually?
 • Chris finally receives his long-lost terrarium (after getting refunded… somehow)
 • A Venn diagram game that makes no sense until it suddenly does
 • Guessing movie villains based only on their eyes
 • Geography trivia that goes exactly as poorly as expected

David also recaps his 2-year anniversary trip to Crystal River, where he swam with manatees… and then immediately got attacked by bed bugs like it was a horror movie DLC. This somehow leads into stories about shingles at 21 and a literal island where aggressive monkeys were exiled in the 1960s.

We also cover:
 • A 3D printed flexi manatee
 • The passing of Chuck Norris
 • An April Fools strategy so lazy it might actually work
 • Guessing movies from quotes (and getting all of them wrong except the right one)
 • AskReddit questions about jobs you’d never do and secrets people can finally reveal

It’s sports debates, travel disasters, dumb games, conspiracy-level questions, and two grown men trying to understand basic concepts like colors and onions.

If you like comedy podcasts with chaotic energy, ridiculous hypotheticals, pop culture trivia, and stories that go from wholesome to horrifying in seconds… you’re in the right place.

👇 WATCH NOW BEFORE THE BED BUGS SPREAD 👇

Chapters 

00:00 – INTRO
0:43 – DADBOD+ PREMIUM (FAKE AD, REAL PAIN)
2:13 – FANATICS FLAG FOOTBALL CLASSIC
8:29 – MORE OR LESS BED ROOM?
9:22 – A MATTRESS BUILT FOR A KING
15:35 – THE ORIGIN OF THE COLOR ORANGE
18:33 – THE MUTANT PANTRY ONION
20:02 – WOULD HUMANS EVOLVE AGAIN?
21:24 – THE LITTLE TERRARIUM THAT COULD 
29:08 – VENN-DIAGRAM GAME
36:41 – GUESS THE VILLAIN FROM THE EYES
44:49 – 2 YEAR ANNIVERSARY
49:51 – DON’T LET THE BED BUGS BITE!
54:24 – MONKEY ISLAND: EXILED CHAOS
55:44 – 3D PRINT OF THE WEEK
57:37 – GEOGRAPHY TRIVIA
1:03:28 – R.I.P. CHUCK NORRIS
1:05:01 – APRIL FOOLS!
1:08:39 – THIS WEEK’S POUR CHOICES
1:11:47 – MATTER OF NATIONAL SECURITY
1:17:53 – ASK REDDIT – JOBS YOU’D NEVER DO
1:22:01 – ASK REDDIT – NDA SECRETS REVEALED
1:29:19 – HAPPY BIRTHDAY!
1:32:18 – OUTRO

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Transcript

0:00

Ready, Freddy? Ready, George. was really good. Welcome back to episode 112 of the Poor Choices Show. And guess what? It's April Fool's Day. The day we prank ourselves by recording again. Let's make some poor choices. Grab your glass and set your standards low Welcome to the poor choices show Think we've made 112 of them. Definitely more. Like lifetime. This episode is brought to you by DadBod Plus Premium, the fitness app for men who don't want abs, they just wanna be strong enough to carry a sectional through a narrow hallway while saying, no, no, no, no, tilt, tilt it, tilt it, you're making it worse. DadBob Plus, premium is built for real world male fitness, not vanity muscles, not beach body nonsense. We're talking useful strength, the kind of strength that helps you lift a generator, carry six grocery bags in one trip, or make a loud sound every time you stand up from the couch. With DadBod Plus Premium, you get access to practical workout plans like Garage Strong, Weekend Warrior, Lower Back Roulette, and Divorced Guy Shoulders. Each program is specifically designed to help you handle life's most important physical challenges, like moving furniture, opening stuck jars, helping a friend move, and then bringing it up for the next seven years, and carrying sleeping toddlers without blowing out a hamstring. And because it's premium, the app also includes guided audio coaching with phrases like, you're not injured, you're just over 40. Lift your legs, complain with your soul. And that's not pain, that's accountability. That Bod Plus Premium also tracks your progress with actually useful metrics. How many mulch bags can you lift? How many stairs can you climb before sounding exhausted? And whether you can still get off the floor without using nearby furniture. So, If you're not trying to look like a Marvel actor and just want to be physically capable enough to survive a Costco run, download DadPlus Premium today. DadBot Plus Premium, functional strength for men who make a noise when they sit down. I gotta test something. ah need... uh I don't know if you're gonna be able to hear it and I need you to hear it. So let me... clear my uh Okay, I'm just gonna send it to you then. Okay. Are you sending it? Yeah. Let me know when you start. I'll listen to it too. I feel like when we do this, we're talking like a whitey from a crazy guy. Same. Same, same, same, but different. So should I play it? Yeah. Right, but if they can't even beat the American professional flag football team. You really think that that they wouldn't be able to beat the American flag football? I don't know, but that's what I'm saying. Have them play each other and then whoever wins that. I think so. What if they did do it in the flag football team? One, you still be like, put the NFL guys in there. David, they would never, they would never beat them. No shot. No shot. It's so funny because, cause uh I watched that tournament and then like after I was talking to a guy at work about it and I was like, it was cool to see like the two NFL collab teams play each other and like advance and do all this. And then once they got to team USA, it was like, I think the main reason they lost is that one, not main reason, but reasons one. their instincts and what they've known their whole life when it comes to football is out the window, right? So you can't not touching anybody, a lot of different rules, the physicality is gone and that's 90 % of their game. Like watching Saquon Barkley try to split defenders and then get flagged for it was hilarious because he just bulldoze them over. The other guys are just, guess, you know, they've also just only played flag football. If you threw them on a football field, I think they do okay. The NFL guys did do okay, but. Overall, it's a different game. I didn't, when I said that, I think not knowing the rules of flag football with that, before watching it, like recently, I didn't know a lot of these rules. And so you. You'll have to go back and listen to the whole, you'll have to go back and listen to the whole, like that whole clip. because we, we talked about that and that was one of my arguments was that, well, I guess, first of all, for those that don't know, uh, there was a fanatics hosted a round Robin, uh, flag football classic tournament. So it was a round Robin tournament consisting of three teams that played each other with the two best teams playing for the championship. Also, to be fair, the team that made the championship had freaking like Logan Paul and speed on their team. Like what is that? Just get some NFL. Yeah, like the team USA didn't have two YouTube stars on their team. Like bizarre that are. They also didn't have 10 NFL stars. So it was team USA, the professional flag football team. And the other two teams were the Wildcats who had players like Joe Burrow, Saquon, Odell, Devontae Adams, DeAndre Hopkins and Luke Keakley. And then the founders who had players like Tom Brady, Jalen Hurts, Ashton Gentey, Gronk, Stephon Diggs and Patrick Peterson. And not only did team USA win, but they completely dominated outside of one kneel down before halftime. They scored on every single possession in all three games and outscored their opponents 106 to oh 44. See Gronk get hurt. course. Yeah, the two NFL teams when they played, that was a fun matchup to watch because both teams kind of, you could also tell like they didn't practice for this. They were just like, they kind of showed up. They only had like a couple of weeks, every from I read a few articles and they all noted Like the they were their surprise I guess for how serious that most of the NFL players took it they weren't just out there like dicking around Yeah, I think some were and some weren't. Like you could tell which ones were like... Right. And which ones weren't. It was weird to watch. It wasn't entertaining, but it was weird. Yeah. So back to what I was saying before, if you listen to the whole clip, I think that's one of my arguments was that, these, these guys might be more like physically capable. You know, they know the game of football better, but it's a completely different, different rule set. I think at one point you were like, I don't you would ask me something about the rules or if I knew the rules and I was like, no. And you were like, see? And I think you made my argument for me because neither did they. Yeah, they didn't, they had no clue. There was moments where they were like, Oh yeah, that's right. Can't do that. Like Joe Burr took a snap and then just scrambled for a run and you can't do that. Yeah. So, uh, I didn't watch any of it. didn't even know it was happening. I just saw, uh, an article and some highlights and I was like, I can't wait to bring this up. I think if you got an NFL team together, had given them even just like three months of preparation, like just towards this one thing and also getting guys that aren't either washed up or at the end of their career and like put like actual like, you know, I think, I think NFL players could, could Yeah, that definitely could, but you were, you were very that the, the actual flag football players could not. My mindset was like, it's like a NFL team playing a college team kind of thing. Right. That's what I thought about. And like without knowing anything about the sport and like the rules behind it, I think you can see why I thought that. Like why, why wouldn't the NFL team dominate? Right. I don't know. I made the argument. You were still like, come on. Come on. Come on. Not a chance in hell. Err the dog from. Yeah. Yeah. Oh. true. I know chance is the one that talks like that. Yeah. Well, yeah, I wanted to bring that up first. Did you want some questions? Sure. If you buy a bigger bed, do you have more or less bedroom? How do you grow seedless watermelon at me right here? You have the same size beddroom. Bedroom. Just putting a whole nother D in there. Bedroom. No homo? Yeah. Yeah. So your room is the same size, but you have more bed space. You have more mattress area, circumference, latitude. circumference? You got that shack bed? So yeah, you got, you got same size bedroom, more bed room. Okay. Okay. You just gotta, you gotta put that space in there between the bed and the room. Yeah. Speaking of like, really want, I've been holding off on getting a new bed because I want a bigger one, but I would have less room in my bedroom. So I've had a queen for years and I'm a thousand percent ready for not a queen bed. Okay, why? uh I just, it's just like, I feel like it's like. Queen is very adequate for one sleeper. It is, but I'm just at the point in life where like, deserve. Yeah, I deserve a big. Can you fit? I mean, I would assume that you would do the smart thing and wait till you move. But could you fit a king in the apartment? Yeah, think it would just take, because right now I have the bed in the middle of the wall, so there's space on one side and a space on the other, and one of the spaces on one side is where the closet is. I just don't have the room. Like, I could make it fit. It would just be uh cramped. Very, very cramped. That's why I was just thinking about that earlier yesterday maybe I've had I've had my bed for 14 years or no no no is that nope 12 years Still, it's a long time. It's like a $4,000 mattress. Well, and that's also why I want to do it as mine was like 500 bucks comes in a, you know, vacuum sealed thing and you pop it open and it's getting to the point now where like I typically sleep in the same point and it's got that like grandpa Rugrats uh like sag to it in certain spots. I ain't trying to do this no more. Here's one for you. What did they what did they call the trash truck? what's it? Yeah, because they thought it was a monster that was eaten. Where do you don't know either? I think I know it. Let me see if I'm right. I was close. What's it? Give me like a, give me something. It starts with an H. yeah, it's like, it's like Hugo or like Herbert. Herbert. So that's, I thought it was Herbert. It's Hubert. Hubert. Hugo Herbert Hubert Yeah Okay. Yeah, I thought Herbert. And it looks like a screenshot that popped up the episode is called feeding Hubert. I was Dilbert for Halloween once. that count? Towards what? Anything? Do I get any points? I don't think so. Maybe like a copyright strike. Dilbert. were saying something about the bed and I was gonna say something and then I didn't. King size, uh... That was for Zand. 12 years, mine's getting like a... in... what's the word? No, but like a concave. Is that the right word? Yeah. It reminds me of a, actually, I'm not sure if I'm gonna do them. It depends on where the episode goes, but I have a bunch of shower thoughts. And one of them is, memory foam doesn't remember us. It remembers itself without us. When it starts to remember us, we throw it away. facts. I actually bought one a couple months ago, but it's not like, it's just like a, I don't know. It's well, no, I bought a memory foam, like queen size memory foam piece that goes on top of the mattress. And then you put like your sheets and stuff on top of it. It's like, it's a thick boy, but it's getting to the point where same you're right. It's like, it's starting to remember me. And after just a couple months? Yeah, I'd say probably, I think couples underestimating us last year. It's like probably Novemberish. I mean last year was a couple of months ago. A few. Yeah, I used to have one of those. Not a fan. I feel like I guess my take is if you have one of those you need a new mattress. Yeah, I realized that when I went, okay, I'm going to rotate the mattress. And now this is the top and this is the bottom. was my cue to, yeah. like, yeah, like rotating on its access. Yeah. uh Access or axes axes you access the bed every time you get in it Yeah, Yep. Parking lot, 8th Street, Ocean City. I don't remember that. No, you want another question? uh I remember doing it. I don't remember how I got there. I don't remember what led up to it. Yeah, well, okay. Yeah, I guess I remember it. And probably some boardwalk for us. I had like, I had like a foot and a half bruise on my thigh the next morning and I went back and, was staying with Teddy for his beach week and I sat on the couch and I was like, I think I got jumped last night and he was like, that sucks. I got chicken tenders last night. So for those who don't know what a beach week is, in Maryland, we have a beach and it's Ocean City, Maryland. every majority of the state's seniors after graduation go to Ocean City for a week. So the place is filled with thousands of 18 year olds. And now people graduate at different times. So sometimes they overlap or they're by themselves or whatever, but it's basically a just 18 year olds getting in trouble week of. Awesomeness is one of the best weeks of my life. Great time. you So I think you just alluded to another shower thought. So maybe I'll just save these every time you reference one. That idea. I'll just say it. So it says, if someone asks you where the beach is, you can point to any direction and technically you're telling the truth. Yeah. Near, far, where... to get there, but it's over there. We're there. Are oranges named oranges because oranges are orange or is the color orange named orange because oranges are orange? Um, so the, I know this, the color orange, wait, say it one more time. I'm saying lot more words than I need to. Are oranges named oranges because oranges are orange? Or is the color orange named orange because oranges are orange? It's basically what came first, the chicken or the egg, but the orange or the orange. So the orange, I know this and I can't remember. I don't know it apparently. um Something along the lines of the orange got named the orange or the color got named the color because of the, I gotta stand by. So anyway. Uh, let's see, so the fruit came first, word for the fruit originated from Sanskrit. uh That's a Microsoft Word font. So the word was not used to describe the color orange until roughly 200 years later in the early 1500s before that the color was referred to as yellow red. Its original name was Sanskrit. It was named in Sanskrit. Scri- Sanskrit. help. So before orange was used for the color, English speakers used the old English term, gelared. Gelared. Gelared. Which means yellow red. Gelared. The name for the color was adopted once the fruit became widely available in European markets. Okay, so that didn't allude to a shower thought, but it alluded to an interesting fact that I had. No, you said three colors? Yeah. So did you know that green peppers turn yellow and then orange and then red, and they're actually all the same pepper, just less ripe? I didn't know that. I guess that makes sense because I typically will buy, you've probably seen them or bought them, like they sell like that triple pack at the store and it's like one's green and one's yellow, one's orange or something. Yeah. How does that help make sense? Because I've, now that you say that, two nights ago, I had a pack of those and I made some sausage with peppers and onions. And as I sliced each different pepper, each different colored pepper, they all had different firmnesses to them. Like the green pepper was like the toughest. And like the yellow was the softest and then like orange was in the middle. So that makes sense, that tracks. But, so I'm sure you've had green peppers go bad. No, I think I have. uh Well, I have, and they don't change color first. True, I did have I had a Bag of onions they were in a paper Aldi's bag. They were probably like You put a S on that? Aldi. They're from Aldi. All these nuts, all these onions. And I want to say they were probably in my pantry for a week and a half. And I like went to open them up and it was like, you know how onions after a while will slowly start to shoot out a little sprout, right? Kind like potatoes get their little. taters. uh And I opened up the bag and this thing was like the length of my arm, like this like, like these things coming out of it, like huge, huge. And I was like, holy. And it has I think been in there how long? We can have maybe two tops. And I know like if you put some in a brown paper bag and like keep it in a dark place, like it'll, you know, Cause you can put like avocados in a paper bag and then like cut an apple and a banana and put them in there. And like the enzymes from the apple and banana will ripen it quicker kind of thing. But it was like huge. And, the onion itself had shrunken. It was like a little, like it was just growing basically. just giant. So I threw it away. I didn't have any onions. End of story. Huh, okay. Nope, no picture or... I should have not throw it away. I got, I got a good story. Okay, did you want one more question? Go ahead. I think there was one I was genuinely curious about. If humans go extinct, would primates eventually evolve into humans again? I mean, by the definition of evolution, yes. Okay, but it wasn't like different. I guess my thought is like... It might not be the human species, but they would evolve. Everyone evolves. Every species evolves over hundreds of thousands of millions of years. They evolve. But would anything evolve into like a human uh likeness, I guess? You mean like a what's the word? um Yes, yes. um Into a intelligent, I guess, human intelligence. What am I trying to say here? um Equipment? No, but yes, they would definitely. Okay. Okay. Yeah. There's no comedy to that. I just saw that and I was like, okay. I don't know why I thought, yeah, maybe Chris is better at like genealogy and evolution. Um, no. When comes to science, typically not. Typically not. I was gonna make a Kirk and Miles joke, but we did that last week. ah You've got a lawyer. All right, so I get off work yesterday, right? And drive home and pull up to living in an apartment complex. have like a mailbox. You've lived in an apartment station, right? I go and unlock it and I got some, you know, normal bills or, you know, whatever letters and there's a key in there. Cause anytime you get a package, big enough package, they have bigger boxes. You go unlock said box with that key that's in your mailbox for that package. So I have a key and I'm like, huh, the only thing I really have that I've ordered is a jersey, like a shirt. And they would just put that in the mailbox or put it at my front door. I'm like, all right, whatever. So get the key and I open up the box and like the rays of God shine down and went, oh. And I went, no way, no way. Okay. Was it a mail order or a Yeah, from Russia or China or both. A Russian Chinese woman. So I'm going send you a picture real quick. of a Russian Chinese woman. Her name is Svletlana. Lee. Uh, her name is, uh, Burishkakoff. Isn't that a person that works at Starbucks? barista. Alright, what am I looking at? Okay. Okay, uh, looking for the rays of God here. So in my mailbox was said, fake company AI pre-built terrarium. ah So not fake not fake and like I was so dumbfounded that it was like exactly what was in the advertisement. Like it's actually alive and has actual soil in it and the plants are real and it came with the little figurines that are in there and the exact setup that I had bought and the light that I bought with it and the stand that came with it and everything was there. All right. So a couple of things. Mm-hmm. Had, had your bank already given you your money back? Correct. So right now I'm in that quandary of, are they going to now try to contact me for like, the box definitely been through it. Like it had dents and dings on it and like, this was ordered mid January, but everything showed up alive. Like the plants are all living and alive. Yeah, I'm sure. Well, I mean, it had to be reshipped because to my next point, the whole fake postage thing. they had to reship it. So, and I told you they had a follow-up email of we're gonna reissue this and we'll let you know once tracking's available. eh So, no. So I followed up with that email with a, has this been provided yet? And they said, sorry for the delay. We will let you know once it's updated. That was early this month, early March, which I followed up with. I'm still waiting on this. This was, I remember March 5th, I followed up saying I'm still... waiting on this tracking number and I hadn't heard from them since March 5th. And I never got a email about your order's been delivered or it's on, like nothing from them. I still get emails from them of like spring sale, do this, like all these like, you know, we've got your email. Cause you were added to a mailing list when you ordered. eh And as of right now, it's sitting there for free. Okay, so back to the next thing. That means that whatever they were saying was legitimate and they used fake postage because they were on holiday? That was what they told me. Well, they told me they, sorry for the delay and the mix up. were on holiday. We will reissue your order. was the original. But, but your inquiry was, Hey, the post office said we can't deliver this because of counterfeit postage. And they acknowledged that and said, our bad, we were on holiday. um Which is great. mean, they obviously reshipped it with not counterfeit postage, but I'm so like, where's the logic and the reasoning behind, uh hey, our bad on the fake postage, we were on holiday. I just, it felt Walmart and you like you're paying for your groceries with counterfeit bills because you're on your period like my bad I'm on my period so I had to pay with fake money it felt Every single thing about it felt fraudulent once it hadn't shown up and I started getting these emails. Yeah, you said you even looked it up and everyone else was like, Everyone on Reddit was like, it's not real, it's AI. And to the point where my bank went, yeah, you're right, we'll give you your money back. yet it showed up, like to a T what I ordered. I'm blown away by it. Well, I'm proud. I'm not proud. didn't do anything. I'm happy for you. There you go. Yeah, there it is. I guess the other update would be Randy. I tried to get a video picture of it, but there's definitely in there. That's mold. No, like creatures. Yeah, didn't we talk about that? I've seen the one little one, but now it's like, I'm for sure it's a living system now. For sure. Okay. Okay. try to get evidence. Okay. I don't, I don't know how I feel about the, the longevity of our friendship and everything, literally everything it has involved. And we, we did this to as a, you know, a way to stay in touch. We're pushing 40 eh and your weekly, your weekly updates for me are about to rare. Cool. It was real cool. And it's funny because I even thought it was going to be like, just to add onto the, is not real was like on Instagram. Obviously I bought this thing on there. So it knew that I liked this and the algorithm and all that. So it started like sending me more prebuilt terrariums from different companies. was like, it's just another, now they have my they're just going to keep these AI prebuilt things that you like. And then all of sudden there it is. Now would you purchase from them again? uh no, two and a half months maybe. I might show up, possibly, definitely not. Like it's really cool, it's a cool piece, like it would look great kind of anywhere in your house, but I would never do it again. Well, just not from them. ah Yeah, I mean the only other real like that I wouldn't call it Etsy offers a lot of and I looked into them like they they offer some really cool stuff around the same price point where it's like a living moss terrarium with like resin waterfalls and this kind of thing and like they look really cool right I thought about getting one and I was like now you're just gonna but this showed up and here I am good. Terrarium Chris. Well, I can tell you about my anniversary trip. But before that, do you want to play a game? Yeah. I have a game for you too, so maybe we'll game it up All so we're going to play a game. Okay. We've played this game before and it's All right. The Venn diagram game. down. uh Yeah, it's the same one as last It's very like aim-esque. Uh, sorry. No, like in a good way. it takes me. Yeah, I did this on purpose, of course. It just makes it easier to remove the background in editing. gotcha. Space or arrow, let's see. All right, so the first one I have for you, Game of Chess and British people asking for the bill at a friend's restaurant. Checkmate. Good job. Next one I got for you, aquatic childhood pets and living in isolation with an STD. My first thought for the pets was sea monkeys. Mmm, okay. That's something you get a kid is like the sea monkey kit. Right. Okay. Nazi monkeys. What else did you get? Maybe close. Look at it. Think, think more the, the one on the right. That's what I was, crabs. Right. you got. uh in isolation. Which makes you a what? No. What kind of crabs did you have as a kid? As pets, not to eat. crabs that I have as kid as a kid as kinda crab the crusty They look like aliens when they came out of their shell. hermit. Hermit crab. Ahhhh. Nice. Okay. That's the living in isolation. Yeah, hermit crabs. Okay, that's good. Next one I got for you, Missy Elliott and trans people deciding to get surgery. That's a tough one because I don't really know much about Missy. You only know one thing and it's that. No. No, no, not that. I know she's got a song I know, I just don't know what it is. Hmm. Well, how about you finish the lyric for me? Okay. Is it worth it? Let me work it Let me see it twerk it. ah I know the song. I don't know the lyrics. put my thing down, flip it and reverse it. Ah, see now I do. just... I'm not well versed in the world of uh Ole Missy. Isn't that funny trans people deciding to get surgery? down, flip it and reverse it. Yeah, that's solid. ah right, next one I got for you. Lawyers and an ironic drive to an AA meeting. ironic drive because you're driving drunk. Drunk driving? Drunk driver? Something along those lines. ah If you got a phone, you're a drunk driver. ah I thought I did. ah Passing the bar. uh No you wouldn't be passing it though. I'm gonna I'm gonna I'm gonna say this one's a little bit you're leaving the bar. You wouldn't pass it. think of it when you're leaving. an AA meeting? Like you're going to an AA meeting, you're passing the bar, you're not stopping at the bar. You started at the bar though, because it's an IRA. okay. All right. Then I disregarded my previous statement and that was well done. Objection. You would Next one I got for you, black grandmas and a child's wish list to Santa. So you write your wish list in a letter to Santa. My grandmas are good at cooking. I don't think you're going to get it, but I'm curious to where you're going to take it. Good at cooking, go to church. ah Think of when uh a kid would get in trouble. What was something grandma would say? was your ah more like a punishment you tell close emphasis on black grandma ah She takes off her shoe and she throws it at you. Think Adrian Peterson. Bring me a switch. Child's wish list to Santa? Nintendo! Ah- Okay, okay. There you go, there you go. Okay. I think I have one or two more maybe? Okay. So the next one, strip club DJs and slaying seasonal sniffles. Slain Seasonals. I think that's a, uh, you call it a tagline, a motto, maybe whatever you call that. Let's see, need some NyQuil, need some tissues. Because you're allergic to the winter. Strip club DJs, not just DJs. ah I got nothing. Give it up for Allegra. that's good. Get it. Stripper name, Allegra. That's there. Yeah. I would never have gotten there, that's very good. done a lot better. I didn't think you'd get any. just was excited to hear what you had to say. Okay. Thanks. Next one I got for you, aliens and polygamous hippies. And a polygamist is somebody who does something with a lot of sex? Yes. Or lot of partners? Yes, uh you're correct, but just think more of the lot of sex. honestly, after making it, was like, I don't really know how polygamy applies to this, Okay, maybe. uh Something that they'd pray. Oh, we come in peace, man. We come in peace. I know there's at least one more. Minimum wage crossing guards and elite billionaires. as a minimum wage crossing guard. ah They only do one thing. Stop, stop, stop kids. Close, traffic children. uh was close. I was like, leap billionaires. Uh-huh. Crossing guards. Yeah. Crossing guard, touch my ass. Crossing guard, touch my ass. I touch your ass. Okay. I don't have a slideshow for you because I am not that adept to technology, but Uh, and judging by your face and everything else, looks like you didn't call spectrum yet. Maybe, maybe not. I'm gonna go with maybe not. Final answer. To be or not to be? Not to be. Alright David, I want you to guess the villain from their eyes. Guess the movie villain from their eyes. Lulululu. Okay. First one inbound, coming in hot like a pocket. Like a poly? that's... That's very weird. I'm gonna go with Bellatrix Lestrange. That is in fact Bellatrix Lestrange from Harry Potter. let me, let me tell you why that's very weird because she's related to Sirius. And the first thing I thought when I saw it Sirius. Really? Interesting. That is interesting. Alright, I think you've seen all these, but one I'm not sure if you have. I think you have though. We're gonna find out. Together. Here's to hoping. All right. Next one coming in hot. Ooh. Okay. main villain from a movie. A movie. m I'll give hints as needed. is released... Oh, it definitely is. 1953. Ooh, you know how I feel about old movies. You've it. Maybe not recently, but you've definitely seen it. Classic, all time, one of the all time classic Disney movies. Think of that super plasticky, like clicking VHS cover, like... Probably had it. Yeah, I guarantee it. If you didn't, weren't, you weren't Miles Davis. eh Sure, giving me any other characters will probably give it away. Um, let's see. Yeah, it would. I can give you hints though. Okay um There's a real life version of this movie that came out in the 90s starring Robin Williams Maggie Smith is also in it, Old McGonagall. fact, so is Dustin Hoffman and he plays said eyes. Yeah, I'm gonna have to throw in the towel. Hmm. He's a pirate. Captain Hook from Peter Pan. Ah. Mm-hmm. Eugh. Okay. Damn, that's that old. Yeah, All right. Next set of eyes coming in. Other than Donald Trump. Oof. Alright, how old's this one? Oh, is that a... uh with Trench Bull? No, you wouldn't have think that hard for this character. That's a hint, because you've seen this a lot. Many a time. seen it a lot and it's 90s. Yeah, I'm like, 1999 % sure. eh Is it a man or a woman? 92 it's a man take note of his nose He's got like a look screw. He's got like a mark in there This is from the second installment of this Christmas movie that mm-hmm. That's Marv It's Marvie Ooh. Ooh. That definitely, tell me that doesn't look like Mistrenchable though. Yeah, I can see it. Making him eat that chocolate cake. Hell yeah, I can see that. All right, this is the one that I'm not sure if you've seen, but I'm pretty sure you did. I think we talked about it. This came out 2025. Pretty sure you saw it. That looks like a woman. 2025. and you're not sure she's the villain until a little bit in the movie. Like pretty darn new, like late 2025. Like it's a pretty new movie. I don't know that I've seen recent movies. think you saw this. Missing children from an elementary school? Uh, uh. Uh, I don't remember her name. Okay. Remember the movie. I'll take the movie. Josh Brolin. Josh Brolin. the one where at like 2 11 a.m. all the kids run out of the house? Yeah. And she's like controlling them by like cutting her hand and like having a stick that she breaks and stuff like that. Am I thinking of two different movies? I don't think I am. ah What was I gonna say? no, I feel like I knew very early on that she was the bad guy. At first, introductions you don't, and then you learn, wait, this is crazy. Okay. Uh, what's it start with? The movie at W it's one word. just bought a new one. Did I know you bought a new one? Winchester. weapons. And her name, it's Aunt Gladys. Aunt Gladys. All right. Last one. Last one. Fifth and final one. See if you get it. See if you get it. It's kind of... Yeah, you've seen it. Kind of a toughie. That looks like a homeboy from, uh, what the hell's his name? ah From Toy Story 3? Correct. Okay, but what's his name? Dome is Lato. Hell yeah. Good job. Damn. Shot I eat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'd say overall well done. Overall. Ah, plus. Cause you got Bellastrix, Strix. Bellastrix. Right off the bat. You Marv, took some doing and you got Lotso. Lotso, I'm very surprised you got that. Good job. Okay. Yeah, that fourth one was a Anglades. It's a good movie. I enjoyed it. wasn't what I expected, but it was good. It was different. Muy diferente. I'm still putting off Andy put up the new scream. I've been putting it off for a while. don't think because I haven't I don't think I've seen the last like three. What are they even on now? There are seven? It's to the point where it's, it's um, what's her name? Sydney? I don't know. Like the main character? Sydney. Who? The main chick from the first one. Um, going Sydney. Okay. Um, it's like her daughter now, basically, but, in between like a bunch of family stuff happening, so you don't really know actually who the killer, I don't know. Yeah, that's like apparently saw 11 is in development now. it is, I'm sure Purge 42 is coming out soon and Fast and Furious 87 and you know. I saw something that said, they're missing, I don't even know what Fast and Furious they're on, but it said if they don't call the 10th one Fast 10 year seat belts, then they're missing out. That's not bad, but Hollywood will do better. I think they could have done better by stopping after like five. or casting a white Snape. Oops, sorry. Oh, yeah. What's his I Y K Y Yeah. Okay. It took a minute for Y to K. That was like 26 years ago. Why 2K? ah took me a minute wide 2k So yeah, we went on our two-year anniversary this weekend we went to Crystal River Now I feel like a bad friend because I didn't wish you a happy anniversary, so happy anniversary. Thank you, thank you, I'll pass the message along. Yes. Crystal river. it clear? Where is it some chick that's like, Hey, welcome to my river. I'm Crystal. No, the people there. Yes. So was it like in that part of Florida that starts to turn up towards the panhandle? I don't think quite that far up. It was only like an hour and a half away from here. Yes, north west. But not quite. Yeah, but that's the point of Florida. That's like when you see rednecks in Florida. Yeah, I guess it's kind of where it starts to... Yeah. Anywhere an hour north of you is like outside of Orlando is like, okay. Right. Okay. Yeah, that's when things start to get a little hanky panky. That's right. It was fun uh minus a couple things so we the primary on a tube? Like what do do on the river? So the primary purpose of going, uh well, I guess because it was our anniversary, but it was a place that had always been on Kayla's bucket list because she is absolutely infatuated with manatees. And we got to swim with manatees. let me try to find, I'll show you, I got like a billion of them. Let me try to find a decent one to send you. So we had the. uh The guy that there's like a, apparently it's like one of like two places in the world, I guess that you're allowed to swim with them. No. So you're not supposed to, you're supposed to them like come. They, yeah, if they come to you, great. like, like watch a safety video and everything. Did any of them have like, I've seen manatees with like, they're just like growing like algae on them. Did any of them have like... Yeah, like on their back, there's like, yeah, like some of them were like slick gray and then some of them had green backs and they're just like sitting there sleeping on the floor and there's other fish. so you're like snorkeling with him. Okay. So there's a place called, I think it's called threes. Yeah. Three sisters Springs. And I think there's a couple of Springs there, but this was like sort of off the Ben or I guess river. It's what it's called. Um, and you go in and there's like a spring to the left, the center, and then the right. And from what I learned, they like prefer, must have, whatever, water that's like 72 degrees, and I guess in the springs it's like always that. or even when we hit like 30 degrees. January? Probably not. I think they go elsewhere for that, but like the river fluctuates and the springs don't. I guess until, you know, until it gets like extremely cold. tracks because that water is basically just being It's coming from the Earth's Yeah, yeah, so it's going through its tracks of just like steady, like no changes to it, so every time it comes out it's the exact same thing. right. Right. And I guess I don't know how it all works if they're like constantly coming out or if it's just like, okay, you know, like every so often it's just like squirts out. home up. Yeah. Okay. So that was, that was fun. We grandmas and other grandma, first grandma left other grandmas now in town. She watched the little one. So it was our one of like two or three overnight aways that we've had. Uh, and how well. Well, I don't know if there was any before that were like overnight, but the last one would have been Veronica's wedding. Okay, gotcha. So mama wanted to uh act a fool and, you know, get, remember why we fell in love and go get drunk at bars. So we check in, we go at the place we stayed. They had a little Tiki bar down on the water. We wanted to go check out like the, the manatee thing, like, yeah, Hey, where do we go in the morning? Uh, just figure all that out. So right next to that place was the Tiki bar. So after that we walked over, grabbed a drink and halfway through her drink, she's like, I'm drunk. She was talking to my sister while we were there talking about a wedding stuff and she texted her at one point. She LMAO LOL. She must have been hilarious. Yeah, but and then we didn't and then we didn't stop so it was it was great I was getting destroyed by by bugs while we were out because of my sweet skin and The no-see-ums are mosquitoes. So it was no SIEMs, but I also think I got destroyed by bed bugs. Was it like concentrated bites? are spread out, but they're spread out with concentration. So there's like three here and then three here, but then there's like one here and then one here. And I guess jokes on me because we were looking at places and we chose this place because they had like part of their, I don't know, it was like a motel, hotel, resort kind of thing. like the, the Manatee tours were tied to them. So I was like, wow, well, let's just do that. It's convenient. You know, it's good reviews for the most part. It was a, a Wyndham property. So I was like, yeah, it should be good. And then Kayla was reading reviews and saw someone had mentioned bed bugs. And I was like, that's one out of like how many thousands of people stay there a year. We'll be fine. Gotcha. We weren't, we weren't fine. I wasn't fine. She was fine. I know if you can see that. Yeah, I can. And then my legs are just like destroyed. That reminds me of two things. Does it remind you of the oatmeal bath I took last night for the first time in 30 years? It reminds me of when I thought I had bed bugs and it turned out to be shingles. Oh, in my early 20s, shingles. was horrible. I had like this like a bunch of tiny little. Yeah. You can't have shingles without having chickenpox. It's the same virus. It's evolved. Right, but it can not happen until you're older. So that's what my doctor told me. said, so I, when I went to him, he was like, uh, those are shingles and you need to chill out. On what? Just like stress. He said they were stress related. In your early 20s? I was dating Amanda at the time and that was crazy. We talking about a Ravioli. Who's Amanda? The one that was the waitress at the restaurant in Annapolis? The same restaurant that I worked at? You might have been in the military. Yeah, I was probably gone. She was old. She was like 28, 29. I was like 21, 22. Blonde. I got a light punk-ish. No? Okay. Um, so they were like almost dead middle of my back and I thought it was bed bugs. I like, concentration, a bunch of little bites that started scabbing up. No, they were just my nerve endings popping out. Felt like someone just stabbing me in the back with hot knife. It was terrible. number two was your sister because she sent me a link. two nights ago from a Snapchat story that she had gotten, maybe three, I don't know, whenever your wedding week was, it was a couple nights ago. And it was like- saw that and still didn't send a happy anniversary. Well, no, because all it was was it was her standing at the bar with her phone like to her and like I walk up singing, I'm sorry, I'm a Jackson. oh. Right. And then I see she's recording. I'm visibly hammered and. Yeah. And um it was the night before the rehearsal. OK. So I remember being extremely hung over that whole day. Yeah. Yeah, that was when we went to Intracoastal and I went home and you all went to the bar. I had started with Eric and I went golfing at noon, drinking and just... Yeah, all day. Then I went, and David's my best friend. And the Snapchat ends. Huh. Wonder if she's still got that one. I tried, the only reason I could see it is because I still have like the, poor choices Snapchat thing. So like when I clicked it, can watch it. And then when I tried to click it again, it said this thing has timed out or whatever it is. It was very funny. was like, sorry, Ms. Jackson. Ooh. And David's a bit my best friend. squeaking I'm hitting puberty. It was very funny. Speaking of chicken pot. Yeah I think that's all I had on that there was a one thing I did we did notice or we did hear about while you know she's doing her let me watch 400 YouTube's to figure out what to do while we're there and I'm like we're gonna be there for like 18 hours so I don't know why you're doing this but she saw something about there's a little island out there called Monkey Island and it's like uh It's like a little alcatraz for this family of spider monkeys. Because I guess, I think it's starting in the 50s or the 60s or something. I guess there's ah a zoo, but a little reservation or something where they have a bunch of animals. been plantations around in years, David. I reservations, like the things you make when you go to Outback. You said monkeys island, Resurrection, you know. you were just stopping me in my tracks. But yeah, I guess it was in like the fifties or sixties wherever they were. And they were being such assholes that they were literally like, we're putting you on an island. It went from Alcatraz to now it's like a tourist attraction. My grandfather had a monkey. He was a dick. No, my Sorry, you're gonna say my grandfather's on that island. So, but uh to transition, so we were in the little like gift shop thing where the Manatee tours like kicked off and obviously they have a, but it's like Manatee capital of the world and they had a bunch of little like Manatee toys and display things. So we got Zoe like a little stuffed plushy thing. And then they had these little, I don't know if you've ever seen like people 3D print them. They're like little like flexible. A lot of people make like dragons or they just like. in the plastic like. Yeah, so they had a manatee one Okay, I was like, that's so cool. And I was like I'll make that I can do that babe, get out of here. Hell yeah. hell yeah. and it's all like shimmery, like a manatee. Yeah. Now you can just go like airbrush. That's really cool. if you want to, if you want to name them. that is Monty. That's kind of how Zoe says manatee. Manatee manatee It's Monty the Manatee. I like, I'm not going to pay $15 for something I can spend the equivalent of like a dollar or 30. Or you know what? What's a good like cow name? Bessie. No, Steve's more of like a pirate. No, like animal wise, like Steve is like a like an ostrich, like a dick. That's Steve. OK, man, the horse. Oh, yeah, Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Mr. Get me out of here. Yeah, what's that from? um Adam Sandler. um Happy Gilmore. Jesus Christ. Hey, you know that Mista Mista lady? Yeah, I think I killed her. Oh, yeah. oh Do you want to play a little something I got for you that I know you're going to love so much and I'm very excited to have you do it. Does that have to do with the map? Nah, in a way. So you've probably seen, I can't remember the name of their podcast, but there's like a redheaded dude and like a black dude and one of them's, he's like real dumb. Yeah. And like they get real angry at each other and cause he's know. What's name of their podcast? You should know. Oh, got it. Got it. So I took something from them that I went, well, that could be up David's route because I think he would get the majority of it, but some of it he might not. So I have for you. I, am I Peyton or Cam in this scenario? You're the black one. You're Peyton. Could have gone either way. actually it should go. those listening, Peyton doesn't think fish are animals, so... Yeah, he's, he ain't a smart dude, but, but have for you David, a basic geography trivia quiz. Basic. Okay. Okay. We're going to do, we're going to do some quick fire cause I got 25 of them. So maybe we'll only do half. Okay. We'll see how well you do. How about, okay. Yeah, bad. I can tell you that right now. What are the Northern Lights also known as? Which is the world's largest country by size? Which ocean is Bermuda? If you're wrong, I'll tell you, but so far you're right. Which ocean is Bermuda in? What does the DC stand for in Washington, DC? Dallas Cowboys. I used to have a shirt that said that. said DC stands for Dallas Cowboys and I was like, yeah. The District of Columbia. Which Italian city is famous for its canals? It's incorrect. We were looking for Venice. ah My other one was Milan, so... Which is The youngest? What is that? I'm gonna fact check this. like average age of individual? Frequently cited as the youngest city in America with studies highlighting it has one of the lowest median ages in the country Okay, yeah, so youngest this isn't basic Just give me the state. I don't need the city Youngest as an average age What state has that? youngest average age Could be somewhere cheap, Wyoming. It's a guess. It's Utah, Provo, Utah. Interesting, the Mormons. um Which is the largest volcano in the world? Oh, which is? What? Are you asking where is it? Yeah. Hawaii. can I just, yeah, okay. That's what I was going to guess. I remember hearing about it when I was there, but I don't remember the name. It's Mo Mouna Loa. That's it. Does that sound right? I probably miss. Tata. ah Man, these, these ain't basic, my boy. Okay. I'm getting into it. How many countries border France? How many countries border France? Three. That's what I meant. ah Which non-polar desert is the biggest desert in the world? Yep. What is the most populous continent? Asia? Yep. I'm not even gonna do that one. I'll have to send it to you. It's ridiculous. What is the most uh densely populated city in the world? I know it. Yeah, I do. Okay. Okay. Think of a folder. Oh, maybe not. going with New Delhi. No, that's a good guess, but think of a folder. Type of folder. Or envelope. Mani- Yep. Of Philippines. um How many deserts are in Africa? All of them. I'll take it. It's three. Cairo is the capital of what country? Egypt. Nice. How many continents are there? Seven. Well, we got yelled at last time we said that. Which large river flows through London? uh, I don't know, the knife? The river it's not no no it's not called the blank river. It's called the river Dejanero It's the Thames. I believe you. Havana is the capital of what country? Cuba. Cuba. Which is colder, the North Pole or the South Pole? Trick question. What? I don't know. Sounded good. The yak is native to which country? Canada. It's going to be China. Floppy hats called berets are also associated with what culture? Security Forces. You The French? French. And finally, what body of water separates Australia and New Zealand? The Pacific Ocean? New Zealand's to the east, maybe even southeast of Australia. It's not an ocean, body of water. It's the Tasman Sea, because Tasmania is right there too. Tasman Sea. Honestly, we did a lot better than what was the name, Peyton? Yeah. Yeah, your boy would have been stuck on the first question. I don't even remember what the first one was. something about something. It's always something about something. I think I just got beer reddit, birthdays, day history, blah blah blah blah blah, but, rip Chuck Norris. Yeah, haven't went to Chuck Norris. That's the best one I saw. Yeah, that's a tough one. That's a legend, That's a legend. I heard or read or something like I think it's like a couple weeks before he died. He like hiked up some mountain. Like good night. Let me see if I could find, I saw one just before we got on. Yeah, just like a Chuck Norris meme. Here it is. I'll send it to you. Did watch that teaser trailer? No. Did you watch anything? I started rewatching hell on wheels. Does that count? It doesn't count when we got off last week. said, all right, I guess I'll start squinting. he's Thanos. Oh, he kicked Thanos in the chin. I thought that was pretty good. Yeah, that's good. I like it. I like it a lot. Um, I don't know if I can talk about my beer, cause I just finished it. I also think it's a good pee and do you have anything quick before pee or? Now, I'll go grab myself a noon high. I tried looking up like April Fool's stuff. Yeah, same. it was just like, eh I thought about doing like the story behind it and all that fun jazz. Yeah, same, but there's no, there's no. Right. maybe it was this maybe was that Yeah, I tried looking like not looking but I asked Google and Google didn't have anything for me like who who would be the April fool? Like they were was he born in April though? Like I don't know if it'd be some something like someone that did something in April or that was born April Apple was founded April 1st, so maybe one day they're just gonna be like, we're pulling the plug. Yeah, or like sell all your data. Well, they're probably already doing that. That dumb been done. Dumb been done. Dumb done. You dumb dumb, me gum gum. Night at the Museum? I thought I had something else. yeah, was a lot of the stuff I gave me was just like, renaming real or fake stuff. And then it was like uh debating bad. I was like... We all got the same thing and I was like, well, we done all this. Yeah, and it's there's every week I'm like, should do like the like, pick a side of an argument. I'm like, well, we just we have the same views and opinions on so many things. Another thing I can think to do is in the title, put featuring, in parentheses, featuring, it's like podcast featuring this celebrity. name. Yeah, do a big name and make it look like in our thumbnail, they're also actually on a microphone with us, featuring Putin or I don't know. featuring somebody or like maybe somebody featuring what's like a famous like what's her name Sweeney that girl that's like super popular in social media. bam like someone's social medialy popular. Media, social media. Oh, Webster's about to that one. Great. Send me the check. Thank you very much. I don't know if you get paid for coming up with I mean, you gotta get something. I guess you're word in a book. They'd have to, yeah. was like, they'd only pay you if they profited from it. But I guess if people are buying new dictionaries every, however many years. Hmm. Or if we pick a celebrity that's like believable, semi believable that we got, like a B list type type deal. know what I mean? You we could pull a B? featuring Jovlack. Daniel Radcliffe. we want, we want clicks though. Uh, yeah. Hey, you just signed another deal, man. And then he got interviewed and came out and said, uh he's gay. No, he said, um the rest of the NFL's dumb for not signing me to be their starting quarterback. He said that this year. Like today he said that. OK. I mean, if you know, there's a couple of teams. Yeah, they're dumb for not signing him. like Falcons are not Falcons up. Cardinals could use him or like the Jets could use him. says teams dumb for not signing him to start next one says bangles bring back 41 year old joe flacco to back up joe burrow so you took a contract with a team that you're not even starting how you gonna call teams okay whatever so what do I actually have, I think it was last week I said this is the best high noon, it was a raspberry, but now I think this is the best high noon. ah You look like pixelated bukkake. You remember you're going to have to. It's a fruit that starts with a K. It's a Kiwi High Noon and it is awesome. 10 out of 10. Over the Kentucky bourbon barrel? Just no as far as shelters go I mean he we's like top five favorite fruit. I'd say Okay, got to eat it with the skin on it's the best way to eat them. Just bite it like an apple. Yeah It's so good Okay, well this week from Copper Tail Brewing... I'm like I said okay. I'm drinking a um We'll go with exceptionally. Okay, that's what it was. Sounds like an 8.1 to me. No, you haven't said what it is yet. oh Oh, it's a strawberry jam lager. ah Strawberry jams, but my no. Hey, I don't even have a sorry Strawberry jams, but my Marlon don't she's But 95 yes get it together I'd have and it sucks I Need to I need to do something to it it sucks Uh, no, I'm gonna, it's really not like it's not bad, but by no means is it good. No, like you like it touches your tongue and you're like strawberry. And then like before you even finished saying strawberry, it's gone. And it's like lager. Uh, and while I was walking, Would you call it a jammy dodger? uh a lot better than this. when I was walking back from grabbing another one, I thought, I think we set the bar too high for like buying it again because I feel like... No? an eight, an eight is a B. thing we've rated though. ah They're still in my fridge. I should show you a picture of what's in my fridge because it's, I still have probably a dozen random beers in there that have just been in there. And so all of those basically. oh That goes to another shower thought. A refrigerator is just a museum for food and the exhibits are constantly changing. No, because a museum is just there to look. A fridge is there to take and use. So let's talk about these 12 beers in your fridge. Aside from that. And like that one random condiment that's probably three years old that's somewhere in there. With all that being said, think I'll give it like a... That's... Hmm? Evan? Oh, it's not that good then. No, it's like it's not bad, but it's not good. So it's more lager-y than strawberry. Yes. Yeah, that's gross. Yeah. So what do you, do you want to do birthdays first? want to do asseretids first? Have you seen the video of the guy, his girlfriend always uses their bar of soap in their bathroom to wash her face and he just carved a potato? Cause her soap looked like the same like color of a potato. You haven't seen that? He's just dying laughing and she's like, Why are you laughing? Why are you laughing? she starts like examining the soap, realizing that that's probably what he's laughing at. And she's like, what did you shave my soap? What is it? Why did you do this? And he's like, it's potato. I did see that. didn't go with it from my Reddit, but one that I looked up was like the best April Fool's Day prank, pranks, things. And this chick said that she painted her husband's bar of soap with clear nail polish, like all the way around. So no matter how hard he like scrubbed, like nothing happened. Yeah. It's funny because I opposite of what you did, I pranked my mom with my interim report of bad grades when they were actually good. Mom, if you're listening, I'm sure you remember. That wasn't a, April Fool's, that was a don't get grounded. No, no, I, but I remember changing it to like Ds and Fs. They were all like A's and B's. She didn't, she didn't find it funny. I was like, I think I told you the April Fool's prank I did on my mom, which being older and in retrospect, I'd have been equally upset. just put water in her cores like Han. I didn't put water in it. There were just cans. So I just like punctured them all with a knife and poured them all out in the backyard and put them all back in the box and put the box back in the floor. No, she was going from work and you know, you just want a beer and grabbed one and was like, ha, grab the next one and then the next one. And then it was like run for the hills. Yeah. Yeah, in retrospect, I'd be... Yeah. the piss. Yeah. So he's like, ha ha. Gotcha. Dad. Yeah, I'd be like, haha, about to get you in the... uh I actually punctured your keg. April Fools. So I've always wondered if you if you do that, does it like explode? I'm going say no. I mean, enough force to it, it would, but I think if you've got a sharp and or hot enough object to go through it, I think it would just... me of a see if you can guess the movie and dudes trying to cut open a keg he's like just what I thought it's cold as ice No, the only thing I can think of is them asking him actually I think it'd be more fung shui if you Moved it over there You know what actually actually I think it was better where it was over there So we just went in like a whole little circle there, because I don't think that's bad boys because of your use of Feng Shui, but the actor that says Feng Shui is in this movie that I'm talking about. So it's either Martin Lawrence or Will Smith. uh The only other Martin Lawrence movie I can think of is Black Knight. Okay. So I'm going go Will Smith movie. Nope. It is Martin Lawrence movie. The bad boys too. Martin Lawrence movie. ah Nope. Steve Zahn. I love Steve Zahn. And Martin Lawrence? It's actually one of, I don't know about one of my favorite movies, but. Now I've seen it. What's it start with? An N? Hey, need some help? Are you asking me if I need some help or am I stealing this car? Are you stealing that car? Does it look like I'm stealing this damn car? A little bit. You might've said it, but you weren't right. wait, Blue Streak is... Wait a minute. I thought Blue Streak was the one where Martin Lawrence hides the diamond and has to go back for it. It might be. He pretends to be a cop. No, he is a cop. Oh no, that's the one with Luke Wilson. Probably. It's the other one. There's a blue streak and then the one you're talking about is one where he's fighting the Bumblebee and they think Steve Martin Lawrence beat him up. No, they think Steve's on beat up Martin Lawrence. Yeah. But you haven't seen Blue Streak first off. That's crazy. With Martin Lawrence, he's a jewel thief and he hides a diamond in an abandoned building that they later turn into a police station and then he pretends to be a cop so he can get his diamond back. Hot Pursuit. Nope. Was I close with hot? Nope. Was I close with pursuit? Nope. Oh, it starts with an N. It's a matter of... Life and death? No. It's a matter of fact? It's a matter of opinion? No, think like political. Why can't they tell you something? Because it's a matter of... There you go. I'm gonna need you to watch blue streak at some point in the next month. I'm gonna need you to learn how to edit video so you can get all these F's out. I just cut it. Just cut the episode. Just be, just be, ay, ee, oh, ee, oh, yeah. It's just gonna it's just gonna be the intro song and go April fools So yes national security remember when he's trying to cut the tag open got confused with Blue Streak and he's like, he cuts it with the torch and he's like, I ain't ever seen this except for in spaceships or something like that. So I'm gonna need you two to do is get the hell out of my shop take this wherever you found it with you. eh But maybe not really, but it's. Well I shart you, you must be one tough monkey. Alright, you gotta read it. Yeah, I do. My ask Reddit this week is, what is a job that you genuinely would not do even if you were given a salary of $10 million a year? I don't know that one exists. Let me, let me spark your plug here. Okay, thanks, I think. um A miner or a window cleaner for high rise buildings. I'd definitely clean some windows for 10 mil. I'd also go mining for 10 mil a year. I've got cave exploration. Which basically mining, I guess. Yeah. Surgeon, I couldn't handle the stress of people dying if I had an off day at work. Okay. I don't know what it's called, but those people who clean murder scenes. Also, typically on average, there's one to two deaths per year for window cleaners. Yeah, taking the money. Yeah. This person said surgeon astronaut deep sea gigs and Everest Sherpa. I think the deep sea, like a deep sea diver. I don't know if I could do that for Tim. I ain't about that. What's a sharpa? Like a monk. Like old... get paid? Like a wise... I think they, you know, they sharp. They're sharp. Okay. Got it. Cranberry harvesting. Why? I think the spiders. Okay. They don't have machines for that yet? according to those commercials. What's that company? um guys are like waist deep in a red lake. They make all the cran juice and cran grape and cranberry company. Ocean spray, there you go. I've got Slaughterhouse. Definitely would do that for 10 million. Anything that involves hurting people or committing fraud because no amount of money is worth it. Content moderator for a major social media site. sell my soul to the devil for 10 mil. changing antenna tower light bulbs. You ever seen the movie? Is it called fall? Yeah, fall. So you need to watch that on like a really big TV. It's about these like two girls that like. ah Now they know no, no, no cups involved in the making of this movie. And I can't remember, I guess I would think both of them have to be like, I don't know, what do call those people climbers? I guess like they just climb things. Like I want to climb the tallest thing. So they climbed this like extremely tall like TV tower and they end up like getting stuck up there. And then there's like a little platform up top that like, think like a backpack falls onto it or something. And the one girl tries to get it, but I watched it and I don't know if it was like the mood I was in, but I like felt like, like I was like wobbling, watching it. It was like one of it's not like an amazing movie, but it was one of the most like on the edge of my seat. watching a movie that I've ever been because it's so like, like the filmography and the camera angles and all that is like phenomenal. So add that to your list of things you're not going to watch. I believe you. Tommy gun don't. Hey, portable toilet cleaner. What would you not do for a job for 10 million as your sale? Portable. Like a porta potty cleaner? Eww. It's wear, not Kuwait, I'll tell you that. Yeah. Yeah. I had a job one summer as a kid where I pulled pieces of cardboard out of trucks for 12 hours a day. Probably that. That was awful. I'd do that. Yeah, that sucks, but like. Where's the next truck? on. How's it? Those are the good ones. Goodish ones. Okay. Okay. uh Goodish. Goodish. Yeah. Well, this week my Ask Reddit is, what secret can you reveal now that your NDA has expired? I don't expect you to have anything unless you... I've never had to sign an NDA. I think I exposed it last week that I put my underwear on first and then my socks and then my shirt. My bed butt. Big butt bite titch. Time for another oatmeal bath. That's what I can tell you now that my NDA has expired. Just get some new ears for me. It's, no, doesn't work, you mean hydrocortisone? I don't know. Whatever you put on, Bud Bites. It's not a cut. I worked at Apple on the Apple Maps team. One of our contractors accidentally deleted all of Australia once. Oops. Sorry, mate. Checkmate. Walmart pays department managers to spy on competitors. They have a handheld scanner device they give you to go to other places and scan their price tags. Those all go into a big database to keep track of how much they should price their own products to keep people coming in. The workers are told if they meet resistance to never mention Walmart and deny any wrongdoing. Where else are they going but like a target? Like what other competitor does Walmart have? I think like electron, like Best Buy maybe? mean they carry, yeah. em Yeah. Like a dicks. Like bikes and stuff. Okay. Elsevier, the company that makes a lot of college textbooks, commissioned scientists to develop a new book binding glue designed to fail after three years because they hated that there was a secondhand market. Yeah. The secondhand market is redonkulous.$300 as a book will pay you 20 bucks. Yeah. it back. That's ridiculous. Ridiculous. Good beer money though. Yeah. Sometimes when you contact support agents for mobile games, can 100 % fix the issue and restore things you have lost due to game bugs, but you didn't spend enough money. So we were told not to help you. Policy changes depending on your spending tier. don't think I've ever been that in depth into a mobile game that I've needed that type of help. well. OK, before. this one's, this one's wild. Before Redbox swapped to chip and pin credit card readers, the old style readers stored your credit card info in a text file on the computer in the kiosk that anyone could have accessed. When they upgraded, there was zero plan to go into each computer and delete that file. So there's 30,000 plus Redbox kiosks floating around with a file of credit card numbers and names to go with them. I mean, before that card expired, you could have got me at the red box at the 7-11 right off of Route 3 and Crofton, but that card done been. See ya. Yeah, but that's just you. This is 30,000 red boxes with how many thousands or hundreds of thousands of people per but red box, when's the last time you saw a red box? Like all that is going to be expired by now. Well that's what saying, I guess there's 30,000 that still... Well yeah, I don't know. Maybe. Me can't know. Some low stores haven't cleaned their AC units in 20 years and you breathe mold every time you shop there. Chris. It's probably a lot of stores to be honest. Yeah. Remember back in the day when people used to say if you wanted the best search results for porn, you need to use Bing? It's because Bing had a team of people dedicated to doing nothing but evaluating porn related search results. What's your job title? uh search evaluator. Yikes. Ericsson messed up building Google Fiber so bad in San Jose, California that they spent nearly a billion dollars before Google pulled the plug because the project lead got caught doing coke at a corporate event. Billion with a B. Google issued a press release saying AT &T was the issue. His 8-ball was the issue because he didn't got it. That's crazy. We can see you naked in your selfie cam at Tesla. Please stop with self-driving on. Yeah, but you put it in there. What'd expect us to not do it? Uh, probably. actually just saw this video before we got on of, uh, this lady's su and it like showed, guess, Tesla's have like a dash cam. So it showed it, but this lady's suing Tesla because she, she was in the car with her son had self driving on. I think it was in Texas on like an overpass and one of those like, uh, concrete like barriers, like the walls on overpasses ran right into that. And the only reason she didn't go off the bridge was because it hit a light pole. and stopped her. Damn. I think the only reason I would own a Tesla is so I could change the lock noise. Change the what? The lock. You know when you lock your car and it goes like, on Teslas you can customize it. Okay. And mine would just go. I think that's related enough to one of my shower thoughts that I had. So here's my noise, you ready? I would click lock and it would just go. m That's the only reason I would own a So the shower thought that that relates enough to, guess, is your alarm sound is technically your theme song since it plays at the start of every episode. I worked for a major airline and when your flight is delayed due to mechanical issues, it's sometimes just because they oversold and need time to figure out who to bump. The plane is fine, the math just isn't math-ing, and they need an excuse that won't make people riot at the gate. Yeah, I believe it. Yeah. Shisty shysters. I get it. House Hunters is filmed well after and the two houses you don't pick aren't houses that you looked at. Yeah, I believe it. TB, man. Wendy's burgers are round before cooking and they use a square cookie cutter when frying to make them square and use the scraps to make the chili. You are welcome. Interesting. I thought that they came in square and then any burgers they didn't sell then got chillified. Interesting. Also Wendy's has the best chili in the game out of any ever. It's so good. that I've ever ordered chili at fast food place. You never gotten a baked potato with chili on it from Wendy's? No. What? Their baked potatoes are bomb too. get a spicy chicken sandwich or a baconator with fries and a frosty like a dude like a human being. Dude, I'm telling you, their baked potatoes and their chili are both, like if you had like a bunch of those in front of you from different restaurants, different baked potatoes, different chilies, Wendy's would be crowned. How many fast food places have baked potato? one. Well, it's hard to not get the crown when you're the only one. And chili, guess too, huh? Sonic probably does chili or like Arby's or something. Yeah, okay. Yeah. Okay. Okay, I'm ready. I want you to tell me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear these birthday people. Logan Paul. Randy Orton. uh wrestler. Clarence Seedorf. F**k it. don't know. Name nerd? Susan Boyle. um, I dream the dream of time gone by 21 I'm to say dead. Bye! Otto von Bismarck German probably yeah, Joe's ah Captain Morgan Happy birthday Joe Full disclosure, Joe's birthday is tomorrow, not today. He will be here live in person for next week. Clarence Seedorf is a Dutch former professional football manager and player. And by football, I mean soccer. So I thought you might know who that is. Oh, Seedorf. I do, through FIFA. Like through the video game. I definitely know the name. Yeah. And what did you say? nerd that's right. Did he, hold on, did he play for a German team? You wouldn't know that. Did he play for Bayern Munich or like? I mean, I can find out Ajax, Sampdoria, Real Madrid, Inter Milan, AC Milan and Botafogo. Oh, he was Dutch. Boendesliga. Yeah, whatever. He was Dutch. He's from the Netherlands. I mean, there's only two things that I can't stand in this world. It's people who are intolerant of other people's cultures. You said Carnies? No, and the Dutch. Yeah, he says carnies, cause he's a carnies and he goes, smell like cabbage. We talk about the same movie? Yeah. It's my MDB. There are only two things I can't stand and you, I think you got the wrong something. It's only two things that I can't stand in this world. People who are intolerant of other people's cultures and the Dutch. There's only two things I fear in this world, circus folk, nomads. So also not carnies, but also a different quote. smell like cabbage. you know what? Cause Austin Powers says that and then his dad in the second movie says what you were saying. uh movie. yeah. He says it in the third movie, but Austin Powers is the one who says circus folk smell like cabbage. Okay. Got that confused with carnies. I'll show the same thing as circus folk. uh Yeah. Well, happy April Fool's Day. Happy Boomer bonus days. Happy Edible Book Day. I don't know if it's happy or not, but it's the first day of Passover. National Atheist Day. oh Go team. National Fun Day, National Jumpin' Muddy Puddles Day, National One-cent Day, eh National Sourdough Bread Day, and Saint Stupid Day. could be eating sourdough, jumping in a puddle, having fun. And celebrate through and not believing in God. Yeah, four national days, all in one jump. uh St. Stupid Day Parade is an annual parade in San Francisco on April 1st, founded by Ed Holmes in the late 1970s with the understanding that one of the unifying bonds of society is stupidity. Leave it to someone in San Francisco to start a day for being stupid. Hmm. Sounds a lot like these, these, uh, these kids I know that are real stupid. Well, they, uh, wear the same pair of boxers for about seven to nine days in a row. Get super vinegary and salty and, uh, no chips are our cool ranch. Okay. So then they mix said cool ranch fingers with salty balls. get salt and vinegar cool branch fingers that they then put in each other's butts because they're gay. People I don't like and I refer to them as eSports kids. You gotta hit him harder than that. um, the eSports kids edit that one out. I will. ah And for that We thank you. The English language is racist. Agree? Disagree? You put black in front of a word, even a good word makes it worse. That's messed up. Male? Love getting male. Black male? Crime. Market. I love going to the market. Black market? Crime. Ice. Put it on my drink. Black ice? Very dangerous ice. Hole? I can deal with a hole. That's the most dangerous hole in the universe. That one's extra racist because space is black. There's no reason to single out the whole hole. They could have just called it space hole. Space. We would have figured it out from context clues. It's okay. I can make this joke. I went to space camp. My TV screen's black when it's not on. Right. You could have just said you have a colored TV. Oh yeah. Tires on my car are black. we go.