Being Denied A Cup Of Tea Sparked A Movement For Dignity with Ronahi Zebari (USA)

A child at 12 is told she will not live to 30, then spends years hearing a steady drumbeat of “you can’t” at home.  Renahi Zabari turns that script on its head, sharing what it is really like to live with osteogenesis imperfecta, a brittle bone disease marked by fractures, surgeries, and long periods of forced stillness, while still building a confident identity that refuses to disappear behind a diagnosis. 

We talk about a kind of ableism that can hide inside good intentions: protection that quietly removes normality, independence, and self-belief. Renahi explains why doing things for yourself is not just about practicality, but about dignity and mental health, especially after trauma like a major car accident. We also dig into what inclusive education can look like when children are given permission to see, ask, and engage rather than look away or default to pity. 

A single moment of public exclusion, being passed over for a cup of tea while everyone else was served, becomes the catalyst for Light Upon Light, her charitable organisation in Washington State. Renahi breaks down the organisation’s programmes, including Enlighten, an in-school disability awareness and accessibility programme that teaches respectful language, introduces mobility aids in a hands-on way, and sends guidance home to parents and guardians so the conversation continues beyond the classroom. We end with a powerful reminder: we are remembered for how we make people feel, and disability inclusion starts with recognising the full humanity in front of us. 

If you find this meaningful, subscribe, share it with someone who works in schools or community spaces, and leave us a review. What’s one small change that would make your world more accessible?

Music, lyrics, guitar and singing by Dr Ariel Rosita King

Teach me to live one day at a time
with courage love and a sense of pride.
Giving me the ability to love and accept myself
so I can go and give it to someone else.
Teach me to live one day at a time.....

Transcript

Welcome And Meet Ronahi Zebari

Dr Ariel R King 0:41

Hello and welcome to another episode of The Business of Life with Dr. King. Today we have a very special guest, Lady Ronahi Zebari. Welcome. Thank you so much for having me. I'm honored. Oh, you're so kind. Thank you. Would you please tell our audience a bit about yourself and today's topic?

Ronahi Zebari 1:02

Yes, of course. So my name is Ronahi Zebari. I am the founder and CEO of a charitable business called Light Upon Light. And I'm here to just introduce myself and share my story and just spend time with Dr. King, which I'm so elated to do so.

Dr Ariel R King 1:29

You are so kind. I am so happy to be with you here today, and I'm sure our audience is too. Well, let's get tart, let's get started. Tell us a bit about your life.

Ronahi Zebari 1:41

I would love to. So I was born with a brittle bone disease called osteogenesis imperfecta. And to add on to the feeling different part, of course, imperfect, is added to the term of my diagnosis, which is great. But what this disease does is that it makes my bones very fragile and very brittle. So

Living With Brittle Bones

Ronahi Zebari 2:17

I've broken about 40 bones throughout my whole life. I've had five surgeries. I've had to have metal rods be put in my bones so that it's stronger and it doesn't break as easily. I've been still like a statue for months on end because I'm in a cast and I can't move. I've had four near-death experiences. It's just I wasn't taken. And at 12 years old, my doctor told me that I will not live to be 30. But plot twist, I'm 31.

Dr Ariel R King 3:10

So they don't always know what they're talking about. I know, right? Obviously, what a miracle. I mean, you you yourself, I mean, you are the definition, you know, your name and who you are is a definition of determination and positivity and tenacity.

Ronahi Zebari 3:30

Thank you. I appreciate that. Yeah, I mean, these doctors state these opinions, and they state it in a manner as if they're so sharp. And the doctor that stated that opinion to me at 12, he said it in such a nonchalant way. You know, like it was nothing. It was as if he was like ordering something from a restaurant. Like it was just so effortless and easy to him, but it rocked my world, you know?

Dr Ariel R King 4:04

Especially at 12 years old, because at 12 years old, you're thinking about what will my future be. When you were a child, did you know that your life was different? And how did the people around you who loved you help you to see who you are without well, see you are with this disease, but more importantly, see who you are in spite of this disease.

Ronahi Zebari 4:28

Well I don't know at what age I knew I was different. I would say very early on, and it wasn't due to the outside world or strangers, it was due to my environment at home. So when I meet people or when they meet me, they see three versions of who I am. They see the girl who has the

When Home Only Sees Limits

Ronahi Zebari 5:05

disease, they see the girl with the disability, and they see Ranahi, just me, my soul and heart. And the people around me chose to only see my disease and disability. And early on, they made me focus so much on those two aspects of my existence. Renahi was often blurred and faded. And so early on at home, I knew I was different because that's all they saw. They saw the human sides of me, but they didn't give that much attention to it. And so it was really difficult. Many times I felt inhuman, as sad as that is to say, and a recurring opinion and statement that was uttered to me was you can't. You can't do this, you can't do that, and so it made me feel even more different because I saw the people around me who can do so many things and do in such an effortless manner. And I never heard them say to the able-bodied people, you can't.

Dr Ariel R King 6:37

And so the you can't was only to me, and that really made me realize how different I was through those opinions and terms, because it wasn't often used for the other people around me, only the you can't was for me, and so that was my it's amazing that you picked that up too as a child that you were told not you. Do you think some of that had to do with the fear, the fear for you, and the fear for what could happen to you if you do certain things, for example, that would break your bones? So some of this was out of fear for for you and and for your life.

Ronahi Zebari 7:23

I do have to say, I believe that most of their opinions or that statement was driven out of love and care. But the thing is, it took the normality out of my life, and it made me think about my circumstance even more in regards to my disability and disease. You know, when they say you can't do something, you don't attempt to do anything, and you're just still, and you allow people to do things for you. Yes. And when you allow yourself to do things and do tasks in an independent manner, you get distracted, right? Your mind gets off of your pain, the things you can't do, how different you are. Recently I went through such a traumatic experience. I was in a very major car accident. And thank God, no broken bones.

Dr Ariel R King 8:41

That's amazing. Especially when you say you get broken bones for almost doing almost anything.

Ronahi Zebari 8:47

It's honestly a miracle, but I do have to say my bones have gotten stronger, and with this disease, as we grow older, our bones do get stronger, and I've had medication

Independence After A Car Crash

Ronahi Zebari 9:01

that strengthen the bone as well. So they are and stability versus when I was younger. But having all that said, I because of this accident, had to decrease my work ethic and had to be still again for a period of my time, my life and time. And it was so difficult for me because as you may know, running a business, the founder of a business, the owner, it all falls on your shoulder. And how can I take a break? You know, I can't. There's responsibilities, duties, and so that really affected me mentally. And my mom was like, hey, let me go get you this, let me go do this for you. I said, Mom, please just let me do it. Let me distract my mind from what's going on. And so that's what I mean by they took the human aspect of who I am out of it. And it is actually, if you can, better to do things because, like I said, it distracts your mind and it allows you to just have kind of an escape from certain aspects of your life that you can't control.

Dr Ariel R King 10:29

That that's really true. I mean, when you're talking about this, can I ask have you ever had the experience of going to school, being around other children you were in growing up? Or what was your experience like as a child and a teenager? Did you get to be with all types of people? And if so, how?

Ronahi Zebari 10:46

Yeah, of course, I went to a school, the general education system. I went kindergarten up until high school, twelfth grade, and it was actually a pretty good experience. Wasn't too bad, I would say, versus other stories I've heard from differently abled individuals. I don't know. I I think it's because of my personality. I'm a pretty confident individual, and I don't know, I just

School Confidence And Natural Leadership

Ronahi Zebari 11:23

flourished honestly. I had so many friends, kids always wanted to be around me. Some would fight to be my helper.

Dr Ariel R King 11:34

I love that.

Ronahi Zebari 11:35

Yeah, it was so cool, and actually I naturally, and ever since I was younger, have been a leader, and I I believe I developed that kind of character because you know, Dr. King, I couldn't be like other people, I couldn't mimic them because of my different ability. And so I kind of paved my own path and did my own thing. I was never a follower.

Dr Ariel R King 12:10

I was always like fabulous. And because you couldn't physically be like everybody else, you thought, yeah, okay, that's fine. I'm gonna be who I am, and and that's that's more than good enough. So you've always been very confident in who you are.

Ronahi Zebari 12:31

Yes, thank God. And I I I don't mean to get religious, but I give credit and thanks to God for that that part of me and who I am, because I truly don't believe I would have developed it on my own because of the world we are in. It's brutal out there, to be honest, and people are harsh and and disrespectful, and and I've had these experiences, but I, as I stated, believe because I couldn't do what they were able to do, I just did my own thing and come come to find out, people would then follow me versus the people that are like them. So a lot of kids would always want to be like me and wear the same things as me and do be where I am, and so they would always like follow me. And so that leadership kind of personality of mine developed through those moments of my life and aspects of my life.

Dr Ariel R King 13:37

I love that. And did you did you pursue higher education or did you go straight into developing your own, you know, your own organization, non-government organization, light upon light?

Ronahi Zebari 13:49

Yeah, I I finished high school, went into college, and almost got my associate degree, then was going to get my bachelor's, but then I became very ill and I couldn't really keep up. And so I took a break, but I was gonna go back. And during the break, this incident that drove me to start the organization happened, and so the incident that I'm referring to is the cup of tea situation, which is I was denied a cup of tea because of my disability. And yeah.

Dr Ariel R King 14:40

I don't I I really apologize. Can you can you tell, can can you give our audience an idea of where you were and how that happened because it just seems quite bizarre.

The Cup Of Tea That Broke Trust

Ronahi Zebari 14:53

Yeah, I went to an event and I was the only differently abled individual. I was in a sea of able-bodied people, and we were all in a circle, and the servers and the hosts, they would come offer tea to everyone present, and the server came one by one and asked them if they wanted tea, and so we were shoulder to shoulder. Somebody was on my left in super close proximity, and on my right, and the server came and gave tea to the person on my right and passed me by as if I don't exist, as if I wasn't there, no acknowledgement of who you know is there at all, like literally as if I am a ghost. Like they can't see me. And give tea to the person on my left. And so after that experience, it almost broke me, honestly. Everything I just explained, right? The surgeries, the near deaths, the broken bones, none of that, you know, broke me or near, you know, fractured who I am or broke any part of me. But this cup of tea situation did almost break me because you know, Dr. King, I was watching everybody enjoy the sweet cup of tea while I just watched them with But you didn't speak up.

Dr Ariel R King 16:41

I mean, or did you say to them, Where's my tea?

Ronahi Zebari 16:44

I didn't. I was just so hurt because it was just such an odd interaction. Like they literally did not acknowledge me at all, not even look at me. And so after that, I was just like shocked. And the people there saw it happen too, and none of them, you know, told the server, hey, you forgot hurt, or nobody came up to me and said, Hey, we saw that the server didn't give you tea. Do you want us to get you tea? Like, nobody, I swear nobody.

Dr Ariel R King 17:21

So that's bizarre. I can understand that. That's that's absolutely bizarre that nobody stepped in, nobody went to help, and somehow there was a consensus that you really didn't need any tea. I don't know what kind of event that was. I I would assume that you were invited there. So I find that absolutely outrageous. Right.

Ronahi Zebari 17:42

And so I was just watching everybody enjoy that sweet tea, and you know, their taste buds are, you know, refreshed with with the tea, and my taste buds are dry and my hands are empty, you know. And so after that, it was just such an asinine experience, so unbelievable and ridiculous, that it put the intent in my heart to do something. And after that, I came across an organization that's mission-oriented towards helping people like me. And I was so fascinated by this organization that I volunteered, and this organization was the worst experience and philanthropy kind of work I have ever seen. It was the worst. And they actually don't really help people like me.

Dr Ariel R King 18:56

So is that why you decided, pardon me, is that why you decided to start your own organization? And can you tell us more about that? Because I think that's so important, and I want our listeners to hear what you've done and why you've done it.

Ronahi Zebari 19:10

Yeah, because of that experience. So the cup of tea, right? And then this experience of this terrible organization who hurt me and did so much injustice towards me, and honestly drove me out. They literally hurt me so much that I left, you know. I believe that.

Dr Ariel R King 19:33

Yeah, organizational bullying. But I I I want to know how you took that difficulty. And you know what you did? I mean, you're telling me this, but I know that there is a I took you took all of those feelings and everything that happened to you, those experiences, and you built something for others. So could you please tell us more about that? That's going to be so important for our listeners to know about.

Ronahi Zebari 19:53

Yes.

Dr Ariel R King 19:54

Especially since we only have 10 more minutes.

Ronahi Zebari 19:56

Okay. Sorry. So the organization I founded is called Light Upon Light. And the reason why it's called Light Upon Light is because at our organization, we believe that every individual who is like me, differently abled, who has a physical disease, a mental illness, they are a source of light on this earth. But many of these individuals they have their light dimmed due to the lack of resources and their environment. And so this organization, in and of itself, because of all the resources

Building Light Upon Light Programmes

Ronahi Zebari 20:35

and services and programs that we have, is a source of light. And we're just shining this light upon the people who contain light to not only brighten the light within them, but the people around them. And so that is why it's called light upon light. Love it.

Dr Ariel R King 20:53

I love it.

Ronahi Zebari 20:55

Thank you.

Dr Ariel R King 20:56

We have pardon me. When did when did you start the organization? Sorry to interrupt you. When did you start the organization? And what services do you have now? And who gets those services?

Ronahi Zebari 21:08

Of course. So we became an official entity in 2024, and we have six programs and services. One of our flagship programs is called Enlighten. It is an in-school educational program where we go and teach kiddos about people like me. So why we're like this, who we are, the proper terms to use when referring to individuals like me. And at the end of the lesson, we bring mobility aids for the kids to use, for the wheelchairs to sit in and push, so that they could have a better perception and relationship with them and mobility aids. And then we give each student a dear parent and guardian letter that states what their child learned that day, and how we hope this topic continues outside of the classroom and into the home, and how to approach this topic. Because the default is pity and sympathy, which I hate and every differently able person hates, and I'm sure able bodied people would hate too. And so we guide the parent and guardian on how to discuss this topic with their child. And then just at the end, a little bit about the organization. So right now we are in schools here in Washington. We have a service agreement with one of the districts here in Washington. And actually it is Washington State.

Dr Ariel R King 22:45

Where are you? Our listeners are from all over the world. Yeah, Washington State. Thank you, in the United States. Okay, thank you. Go ahead.

Ronahi Zebari 22:52

Seattle. The rainy state of the US. But yeah, it is one of the first programs here in Washington of its kind. And so the reason why I started this organization, and we have five other programs, mentorship programs, a baking program, and accessibility program as well. And we have a program where we send mobility aids abroad to individuals in third world countries who are differently abled. It's called sending light abroad. So that's one of our programs. And so there's six programs.

Dr Ariel R King 23:43

I love I love the fact that you're doing local, you're affecting the lives of children. So they and you're giving them permission to talk about it and permission to see because what happened with you with that T is that for whatever reason they did not want to see. And in going in these schools and talking with the children and letting them try these things, you're saying to them, not only is it okay to see, but it's okay to ask questions to be there to actually engage. And that makes all the difference. And I love the fact that you're also doing international things. So you're just covering all. It's fabulous.

Ronahi Zebari 24:17

Yes, I'm trying to not be an organization that distracts the issue with little projects and arts and crafts, which is not a bad thing. Like that's great. If not in sudden, you know, car crash, a health decrease, old age, right? That's inevitable.

Dr Ariel R King 25:08

This is really true. Sports injuries, I mean, that's such a good point, is that many of us at some point will be differently abled in one way or another. And it's important to realize that this is a part of life for it's going to be a part of life for most people in one way or another, at some time or another.

Ronahi Zebari 25:25

Exactly. And not that we want that to happen, like please God know. But if anything, old age is inevitable, right? And so we want individuals

Seeing Disability As Part Of Life

Ronahi Zebari 25:35

to know that if you do become, and when you do become differently abled, it is not the end-all be-all of your life. Your life isn't over. You could still live a happy, successful, fulfilling life. And we, meaning individuals like me, Renahi, we are literal proof of that. And we are here to just help you ease into that new lifestyle that you have been given at whatever chapter of your life. And so we are here for every human being, not just the differently able individuals. But our goal, honestly, and mission is to not exist in the future, to be honest, because we've achieved the goal that we have set in the intent, and that is for the world, society, to see individuals like me as every other human being. We are more than our disease and disabilities. We are simply human beings, just like everyone else.

Dr Ariel R King 26:50

I love that. That's so important. For our audience, if you had to give some last thoughts, what would you like to say to our audience all over the world about this issue of even just recognizing someone who is differently abled and speaking to them and relating to them as a human, as a human being with humanity?

Ronahi Zebari 27:14

Yes. You know, the enlightened program, which is the in-school educational program, we teach the kiddos to focus on the inter parts of our existence, our hearts and minds. And we tell the kids

How We Want To Be Remembered

Ronahi Zebari 27:30

that we are often remembered for how we made someone feel rather than how we looked on the outside. And that is what I want to leave with everybody listening. And that is the whole truth, that whatever exterior we have eventually will fade. And trust me, we are not remembered for how we appear visually. Often we are remembered for what we said, how we made somebody feel as we tell the kids, and the lasting impression, impression which is achieved by our intellect, our hearts, our souls that we left with someone. And so I would say, if anything, as we teach the kids, try to focus on the inner parts of that individual, not just a differently abled person, every human being. And we will come to find that we are more like than different in so many ways. If you give every individual the opportunity to show that and to connect.

Dr Ariel R King 29:04

If not now, then when? That was by the philosopher Hillel. And I've added, if not me, then who? Thank you so much for joining us.

Ronahi Zebari 29:13

Thank you for having me, Dr. King. Thank you, everybody.