Caffeinated Chaos

51. Real Talk with The Balanced Mom: Finding Space for You in the Chaos of Motherhood with Guest Paula Welz

• Whitney Aguon • Episode 51

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In this heartfelt and candid episode, Whitney sits down with Paula, founder of The Balanced Mom, to discuss the joys and challenges of parenting, the importance of self-care, and how moms can reclaim time and energy for themselves. They open up about their personal experiences—from the chaos of potty training to the deep need for a supportive, troll-free motherhood community.

Key Topics Covered:

  • Balancing Motherhood + Me-Time
  • Introducing The Balanced Mom Project
  • Real Talk on Medical Emergencies & Mom Guilt
  • Building a Safe Mom Community
  • Motherhood, Friendships & Identity

Links + Resources Mentioned:

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The views and opinions expressed by guests on Caffeinated Chaos are their own and do not necessarily reflect the views, beliefs, or positions of Whitney Aguon or Aguon Studios LLC. The content shared by guests is for informational and entertainment purposes only. We encourage listeners to do their own research and form their own...

Welcome to Caffeinated Chaos, where business deals happen between diaper changes and friendships are fueled by caffeine. I'm Whitney GaN, your host, and I'm here to talk all things business parenthood, and of course keeping up with the BFFs, whether you're juggling the boardroom, the playroom, or just here for some coffee fuel chaos. We've got you covered. Get ready for real talk, laughs and a whole lot of heart as we dive into the beautiful mess that is entrepreneurship, parenthood, and everything in between. So let's embrace the chaos together. Ated, of course. Joining us today is Paula Wells. She is the mama behind the Balanced Mom, a supportive community and digital resource hub, designed to help moms prioritize self-care, mental health, and personal wellbeing. All things I love. Through community engaging workshops in a safe space to share experiences, they empower mothers to reconnect with themselves and create sustainable routines amidst their busy lives. From weekly journal prompts to expert LED calls, the balance mom offers practical tools and heartfelt encouragement for thriving in motherhood, while staying true to your unique identity. There balance isn't a myth. It's achievable one step at a time. So let's welcome her to the podcast. Paulo, welcome to the episode. Thank you. Thank you. I'm excited to be here and trust me, I've got my coffee in hand. Me too. And I know that I told you about this beforehand, but I actually have. Had at least half of it already. Yes. So listeners, you know that this is like a big milestone. Whitney got to half the cup, so before it's cold, half a cup before it's cold. Oh man. Okay. So we have a little bit in common. We both have a toddler and basically a newborn in our house. I have two girls and they. Luckily, they're still asleep. Ah, yes. I love that. They stayed up late last night and so they're sleeping in. But I mean, I'm not gonna say that was intentional on my part, but it probably was intentional because I needed them to sleep a little longer. We aligned, so that's so, yeah. So why don't you tell our listeners a little bit about you. Yeah. So I became a mom during a global pandemic, which looks crazy to me that started five years ago, this month. I know. And, just kind of coming Yeah. Full circle of. Going through that type of already uncertainty, isolation and stuff like that. And then kind of coming out the other side realizing that we need more support. Yeah, women, we truly do not have, what we are needing or. Worthy of, mm-hmm. The United States especially. I am actually in Canada, so I am blessed with maternity leave, that I think a lot of mothers don't even get that. So it's, how do we create space for moms and help them get the time to themselves that they so deserve? Mm-hmm. Awesome. Okay. I love this. Okay, so what should we start with? Should we start with a chaotic moment or should we get into business first? What do wanna do? Every moment is a chaotic moment, so, okay. That's true. That's true. Oh, yes. But like, yeah, we have, I, we both have like, what, three year olds and so he'll be four in May and the other one is just turning eight months old. Yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah. So your kids are slightly older than mine. Mine turns four in, August, and then my little one. Is turning eight months in like two weeks. So yeah. So like slightly ahead. Anyone who's ever had a taller knows that every moment is chaos. Yeah. Yep. And just, I think they, to add to that, it's just the overstimulation that happens. Mm-hmm. Because it's like, I remember being overstimulated when baby was crying and now it's like toddlers whining, baby's crying, and husband's asking what's for dinner? Like, do you wanna pull your hair out? I'm like, oh my God. One at a time. I am so happy that my husband is the cook in the family, and he's gotten our toddler to like assist. So her first job ever was, I'm gonna crack the black pepper. And, and she couldn't even turn it. So it was like just a sprinkle. But then now she like cooks her like little eggy scrambled eggs and. She'll make little dinosaur sandwiches. Oh, I love, because she's obsessed with dinosaurs still. Yeah. I mean, what toddler isn't though, right. So, yeah. We're like right there. We're like right in the, in the middle of the struggle together. We know we know what's going on. I want our listeners to know about the balanced mom. So give us a little, like give us a little bit.'cause we're gonna get into it. Absolutely. So the balanced mom is not about perfection. That's obviously off the table. Motherhood is never gonna be 100%. It is trial and error. It is wanting control and knowing that it's gonna go sideways. It's. All the things that, yeah, we wish we could do, but might not have had the time to. So the balanced mom is creating small, sustainable self-care rituals that you can do every single day. And no, I'm not talking about skincare and I'm not talking about having the latest foot massager, I am talking about actual self-care. I will take five minutes to sit with my coffee, feel the warmth of the mug, smell the aroma of it, and just have that moment to myself, we mm-hmm. As mothers. Unfortunately, I wish we got the opportunity to say that we get more than an hour a day to ourselves, but realistically probably not gonna happen for a few years, so, right. We, we make due with what we have, so the balance mom, we're working towards building community. I do have a, it is a paid community to be in, but it's a safe place to vent and talk about your struggles as well as, there's some journal prompts in there and affirmations for your cell phone wallpaper to kind of keep you motivated and going on those really rough days. I feel that moms. I feel like self-care is a luxury and it's not a necessity at this point. So it's how do we reframe this? That you are worthy of this, you deserve this, and we should go ahead and support each other. 110%. Yes, definitely. Oh my God, I feel like so many moms are out there and just being like, give, give, give, give, give. Poor, poor, poor. And I'm just like, okay, so what have you done for me lately? Like, you know, that's what literally your body is asking you is just like, all right, I see your son, I see your daughter, your husband, your partner, but like your body's screaming. Like, do something for yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I love that you're building this community. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. It's been an absolute passion project. It's funny, I come from a corporate world of finance, so we're definitely segueing here, but in a ultimately male dominated field, mm-hmm. It's, it's. Extra tricky'cause you want to make sure that your voice is heard as well. And, I feel like this is gonna be the place to do it. After my first, I did return to work I was in that kind of setting, and I'm really quickly realized how challenging that was going to be. Given that nobody. Understood slash cared about what it actually meant to be a full-time working mom. Mm-hmm. All the stuff that comes after that. Then there's all the extras, right? Yeah. So you're any female in any corporate world. You're also doing the party planning, which I find really weird, but yeah. So I have to do Christmas for the office and Christmas for my kids. And it is just so incredibly much, like, I don't think they're realizing what they're asking of, women and flexibility is just like off the table. Like it's just, yeah, this is, yeah, this is the framework that you have to work within. So it was after my second that I kind of said, okay, like now there's two. So double the sick days and double the activities. So it's how can we add more flexibility? And then that did come to the conclusion that it's gonna have to be a small business. Yeah. And just realizing that yeah, moms are really, truly. Undervalued and it's really heartbreaking because we are the backbone of so many things, and I love that. Yeah. I'm just a mom. No, no, no, no, no. Hold up. You're a project manager of like an entire household. You're ensuring that your husband is able to go to work, right. Every day. Yeah. I always tell my husband, and it's not the best thing to think about, but like, if I got hit by a truck, do you know how many people it would take to replace me? Yeah. Gosh. Right. Oh gosh. Just kind of adding that in there, like, it's awful to go there and think about that. And I wanna cry, think about my kids without a mom. It's real, right? Yeah. Like, that's what we have to, consider as well. So we are. Definitely very, very important. And we are worthy of time and space for ourselves. Six days after I gave birth to my second, kid, my daughter, Jasmine, my body went into shock, right? Mm-hmm. I had left the hospital. We were fine luckily, I am trained in first aid and dealing with all that stuff. So I knew, I could tell like something was wrong and I was like starting to like take care of myself and I was like telling my husband, I was like, okay, I'm pretty sure my body's going into shock. Like I had this like really strong pain on one side and then I started shaking and getting really cold. And so I was like walking him through this. And luckily we have a friend who's a medical assistant, so he like, called her instantly I have a six day old and then the toddler and I'm wonder five layers of blankets, like telling him like, okay, I need you to go get the heating pad. Okay, put it on and they'll like, roll me over, put it, you know. And so he's just like, yes, yes, yes, but. My friend came and sat with me in the er. We had, we also brought my daughter to the ER just in case something was wrong with both of us. And then eventually they cleared her. She got to go home. Our other two friends were here taking care of the toddler, so then they took care of both kids. But my friend, when my husband was driving our daughter home, to drop off and then come back, she was just like. He's crying in the parking lot. Like he is so scared. And I was like, oh my gosh. And she goes, I'm gonna go calm him down. And like,'cause they would only let one person sit with you in the er. Yeah. And so he's like, okay, well I have the car seat in my car, so I'll drive her home and then come back and she was just like, he's like gonna break down. She's like, I'm gonna go home and watch your kids and I'll keep an eye on your baby. If something's wrong, we'll drive her back. My husband came and he sat with me. He, and I was like, are you doing okay? And you could tell, he was like, I'm doing fine. Like I'm doing fine. And I'm like, mm, mm-hmm. My bestie just told me like, what happened in the parking lot and I'm like, don't worry. Like it's gonna be fine. And I'm there trying to suck it in and be like. Oh yeah, my side hurts, but like it's gonna be fine honey. And they're just like, we don't know what's going on with you. Like literally got no answers for one day. They're just like, here's a really strong painkillers. You can't breastfeed for the next 24 hours.'Cause they're like, if you breastfeed, you can't take this. And I go. The baby will be fine for 24 hours. I am in insane pain, and then going home and my husband was just like, you could just tell every like ounce of life was just drained from him, from being so stressed. We were there for six hours and he was just like, yeah, he's like. Don't fucking scare me again. Like that. Like, don't ever do that again. And I was like, like I planned it. My body was like, you just need a break from the kids. Let's be sick for six hours. That's chaos. So now you can see why I literally named my podcast Caffe Chaos. It's just been one thing after another. We are so deep in potty training right now, so like I'm living chaos every day. You just never know what surprises around the corner. Did we make it? Did we not? Oh, I am so happy we got laminate floor, like our laminate flooring throughout and I'm just like. Woo. Easy cleanup, but still get to the bathroom. So I wanna talk a little bit more about the balance. Mom. I know we went off topic for a little bit, but, so you had this like vision now that you had two kids and all that. So what made you think like community instead of like. A digital product or just Facebook groups? Mm-hmm. That kind of thing. So what made you like, Ooh, I'm gonna take this and I'm gonna blow it up on a big scale. There's lots of factors in there. It's not say that I'm trying to curate a specific set of people right. But the internet has trolls. Like they just, they do right? You 100%. So it's like if you go to a place that's paid, I mean, if you wanna troll me and pay me to do it, have at her, I'll kick you out and take your money, that's fine. But it's also, um, a case of just having somewhere safe to be right. Like, I mean, unfortunately, and I don't think it's the masses. I fall right in the middle. Like fed is best, right? Mm-hmm. Like if you breastfeed, if you formula feed. I don't care. You do what works for you. Is your baby healthy? Right? Like at the end of the day, that's it. It's all matters. Yeah. You vaccinate do not vaccinate. Like if, if someone doesn't vaccinate their kids, you have your reasons. Mm-hmm. If you do vaccinate your kids do not belittle people for that. Right. True. Like it's, it's just making sure that again, you do your choices, but we don't have to be a keyboard warrior about it. Yeah. It's all I'm gonna say is it's just I wanna create a place that is, yeah, it's safe. You can exist, you can post things, but it's not gonna start like this big'cause it's scary sometimes. I've been in some mom groups and you just, yeah. You see someone that's spouting misinformation is a big one too. Yeah. I'm just like, you can have your opinion, but this is not where you get to put it. Right. Because there are people who are susceptible. Or who don't know, or that aren't gonna follow up on it, and they're gonna take that and they're gonna believe it. So it is kind of, how do we have a safer space for moms? Really? I 100% agree with you too is because, I mean, I'm sure many of our listeners here are. Like users and members of different kind of like, you know, those Facebook groups or free groups or, you know, that kind of thing. But when it's like, when there is a barrier to entry, so like the paid subscription. Then it's a lot more like instead of just like, I'm just gonna go on Facebook and I'm gonna be like, what is this? And then a million people with different stuff. And then you have to sit there and fact check everything too, like you were saying. Right. Of like, is this a legit thing? Like Yeah. I've seen people suggesting even. Just, yeah, very unsafe things like, oh, I give your baby vitamin A. I'm like, okay, well that can really harm their liver if you're not careful. I love the idea and for me too, I am part of a couple paid groups where I'm just like, when I go there, one, I know that. If I'm, like, if I have a question, I can write that question and be able to get some good information and be seen, instead of just going on and then, like you said, there are trolls and people literally will just say the meanest things sometimes on free forums, dump it and walk away. Right. And you know, as moms, especially if you are a new mom, first kid, right. That's very harmful to your mentality too. I'm one of the first in my group to have children, then there's like the mom that has twins or the mom who is brand new, and I'm like, they're like, you have two kids, how do you do it? I just have one and I'm just like, it's a learn habit. Like everything is. On the go training. Everything is really on the job training when you are a mom. A hundred percent. And the other part of that too was to have a place of support and hype each other up because that's what you say. That's the nice part about going into these groups is there is this, overarching theme of the group, right? Mm-hmm. And it's. We're all moms, we're all going through it, right? We all have varying experiences. I don't know about you, but my first actually ended up in an emergency C-section, so that was Ooh, like a whole other layer I almost got there. And then the second one, I hemorrhage pretty roughly. So it's just one of these things that, yeah, we're all gonna have our different experiences, especially with each child. And it's how can we convey and talk about those things in a safer, more contained space, I guess I'll say.'cause yeah, it's, I, the idea here is we're gonna create a place we, where people can come to. I do have my first, speaker'cause there's monthly speakers that are gonna come in fun. She's a mother as well and she's an author. So she's actually written a book about her journey of resiliency and going through divorce. So we'll have her come on in and talk about that. And the other plan will be, we'll have a chiropractor, pelvic floor specialist, like just things that can help moms like even further down the line, like I think. Pelvic floor even into menopause is a whole other thing. So yeah. We have these lovely joys. But yeah, just creating someplace that's curated, but also a professional kinda standpoint, but also down to earth. We've all been there. There's no easy feat. Listeners who are moms, if you're out there, you do not have to struggle by yourself. I know that sometimes, like people are like, oh, being a mom, I'm always busy, but I feel lonely, you know? Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. And I feel like. That is a very, very much shared kind of feeling at some experience point during your motherhood. Then I have fr a friend whose kid is in school, and so she's like, well, I'm friends with the other moms. And I'm like, do you only see them in the pickup line? I love that we're having this conversation now because literally at the time of this recording. Tomorrow I get to meet my friend. Has a pair of twins and we're like, she's like, I gotta run this errand, but I'm gonna have an extra hour. And I was like. Cool. I will get off work early'cause I'm done with all like,'cause I finished all my stuff early and I was like, I'm gonna get off at work early. Where are we meeting? And we're like, let's go to this gastro pub, let's go try it out. You know, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we're like gonna sneak in an hour and I say sneak in, like I don't, we don't even have to sneak it in, but that's what it feels like is that we're like sneaking in an hour of us time in the middle of errands, getting off work early. Yes, yes. Just to have mom friend time. So that's such a weird mentality to have too, is that we have to literally like quote unquote sneak in time. No, that's true. And I think that's a big piece too, that a lot of moms unfortunately miss, is you are allowed to have, time for yourself as well. Mm-hmm. Yeah, a hundred percent. And with your friends as well. I saw a post this morning and I kind of started to get angry, and it's like, let's normalize not needing time away from our kids. And I'm like. Why, why? Like, I love my kids. That's never gonna be a question. And I don't feel that women need to articulate that I love my kids. But yeah, let's just abolish that. Like we know we, yeah. I know you love your kids and I know that you still want to run this podcast and you still have dreams for yourself and you still have ambitions and Absolutely you should, like, you're still a person. You haven't just completely morphed into this quiet mom was just gonna do everything in the corner. Like, no, no, no, no, no. That's what our moms did. And look at them now. I'm sorry, but look at them now. They are deeply, deeply kind of lost in, in, in where to go next. Like I, yeah, it was really kind of hard to see and mm-hmm. I'm estranged from my mom, but she used to say to me all the time, is, I sacrificed everything for you. Mm-hmm. And at the end of the day, it was always hard.'cause I'm like, I never asked you to. Right. You know, it's like I understand that there were things that I had to do and I wasn't crazy into sports. So it's not like there was an insane amount to do, but it's like, yeah, I never asked that of you and that was something that you. Probably felt pushed into it wasn't probably something that they wanted, but that's the other part of it too, is it'll cost you a lot. So yeah, you're allowed to have your own life, own dreams. We have a housemate who basically is kind of like a live-in babysitter. He's uncle Junior, right? He's, he's like a brother. But not blood related. Right. He's one of those like really good friends. Yeah. And the girls absolutely love him. Right. They call him Uncle Junior. Well, the taller who can talk calls him Uncle Junior, the baby just looks at him. Exactly. And just gives him that like that like, how dare you not pick me up. Look like, come over here and play with me. Look. So I know how lucky we are where I'm like, Hey, there's literally like three of us in this like parenthood rotation between me, my husband and junior, and the girls. Absolutely. Sometimes I'll walk home and my toddler, I walk in the door and my toddler goes, why are you here? Like, I live here. Like, what do you mean I live here? Oh, well, me and uncle are gonna go play scooter. And I'm like, okay, you can, you guys can still go play scooter. I'm not in the way here. So yeah, so it comes to that like whole thing where it's like sometimes like. Yes, you can be there for your kids, but also sometimes your kids just don't want you around like Oh, a hundred percent. Yeah. Even at three years old, she's like, why are you here? Like, okay. But then there's that moment where you're like. Okay, I'm gonna go to the bathroom. Wait for me. And I'm like, no, go play scooter. I told you earlier that we're potty training, so like she'll follow me to the bathroom and I'm like, first I go. Do you need to use the bathroom? I said, no. And then she'll be like, mom, you have to wipe Okay. Front to back mummy, mummy front to. And I was like, I know I'm teaching you. Like that's hardest schema. But yeah, I love that they just assume that you've never, I'm like, never, ever. I don't think you've realized how much longer mommy's been on this earth, but. And so I'm just like, Ooh, one day when you have a child and you're like, potty training, I'm gonna be like, reme. I remember when you used to follow me every single time and she doesn't follow the boys. And I was like. Man, sometimes I'll even try to take a shower and she'll just be outside and she goes, what are you doing? What are you doing? Clean, clean your leg, mommy. And she's just talking to me through the shower curtain, she can't even see me. And I'm just like, maybe if I don't talk back, she'll think nobody's in here. And she'll go back outside to the guys. No, she will not, I've just learned that if I lock the door. It's just gonna be like scratching Mommy, mommy, what are you doing inside there? And I'm like, I'm just using the bathroom. Leave me alone. But that like, I was just like. All right. If you come in here, you gotta use the bathroom, you gotta use the toilet. And she was just like, I don't have to. And I was like, okay. She goes, okay, I closed the door for you, mommy. And I was like, oh, I unlocked the cheat code. Start asking them no. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Okay, so I love actionable steps. So if a listener is listening to you right now and is just like. I love it. I'm a mom. I need support like this. What are some first actionable steps that they can take, to either one connect with you or if just in general, for a mom who's. Needs to get on that self care routine and, listeners, if you need permission, we are giving you permission. You have it, you have it. Because sometimes people are just like, I just need to know that it's okay and it is okay to take care of yourself. So, yeah. So Paula, what. What's a good actionable step that people can take? Yeah. So at the end of the day, I'm all here for small actionable steps. We have bigger workshops and stuff too about, setting boundaries, which is also insanely important. Mm-hmm. Around yourself. But, so even if it's just something very small, you're toddler knocks over the milk. Take a deep breath. At the end of the day, I know we were all condoned for it as children, guess what? It cleans up pretty easy. Yeah. It's one of those things that it's really hard not to, get in the moment. So yeah, just take that deep breath. Give yourself a moment and then go ahead. If you have a toddler where this is appropriate, the five minute timer hack, you say, mommy's got five minutes and she's going to do X, Y, z. And you have your activity over here. We're gonna set this timer and away we go. Love that one. Usually get interrupted a little bit, but they're working on it, so we'll get toward that. I have my, eldest, if he's in the room with me, he's up for 45 minutes. So I am living this life right now. I do have the three day reset, which is basically, a guide that's gonna kind of encompass a few things to really just get you digging as to where are some of these things coming from. One of the big ones is moms feel like they've lost their identity in motherhood. And it's not that it's lost, it's not gone, it hasn't disappeared. You're still there. It's, you're navigating a huge transition where you just really need to take a step back and say, what did I like prior to? Yeah, because you still gotta see, you might still love it. It might change a little bit for you. There might be some other pieces that you want to move around. So it's just a way to, really get, get in tune with yourself and your new self. Yeah. You're still, you're just evolving. Yeah. And you're not lost in the chaos. Listeners, the guide that Paula was talking about, I'm going to link it down below in the show notes, but you can click on that and then grab that guide. If somebody wants to connect with you and get more information about the balanced mom, how can they connect with you? You bet. So the easiest way is on Instagram. There's tons of free content for you to consume there. It's at the balanced.mom and then the website as well, which is the balanced mom.ca'cause Canada. Nice. And again, links will be in the bio, so. Awesome. Okay, so we're about. To wrap up, do you have any finishing, like last minute thoughts for our listeners? I would just say thank you and if you're listening and you need the reminder, you deserve to take care of yourself too. Percent if you take away anything from this episode, that's what I'm gonna tell you. Yes, you are not alone. There are, ways to connect with both of us on Instagram. You need to vent and you need a safe place. You are not alone, and please take care of yourselves. Mm-hmm. Well, Paula, thank you so much for coming to the podcast. I really enjoyed our episode, and we're gonna have to have you come back like, because I feel like our journey, especially where we are with our children's ages, I'll be like, oh my God, okay, so they're four now. What are we doing? What? What's different? Right? I hear them often referred to as the effing fours. So I'm, oh, is it really trying to segue into that? Yeah. It's not great so far. Is it? Is it just like a bad thing every two years?'cause it's like the terrible twos, the f-ing fours, which is funny. Like the terrible twos. I got it, but it wasn't. As awful as it was made out to be. I don't know. Yeah. That wasn't my experience, but it's been three, four has been cause they know better, but they're just mm-hmm. They wanna see how you're gonna react to it. And it's always hard. They're always walking on the edge of that line. Yeah. Where it's like, okay. I'm gonna do it. She said, no, but yes, yes. Oh my God. So we'll have to check back in about the FN fours at some point. Awesome. Well, thank you so much again, and listeners, I will see you in the next episode. That's a wrap on another episode of Caffeinated Chaos. I hope you're leaving with a little more clarity, a lot more inspiration, and maybe even an extra shot of motivation. If you love today's episode, don't forget to follow us. Leave a review and share it with a friend who could use just a little chaos and caffeine in their life. Until next time, keep embracing the mess. Chase your dreams and make magic happen. One caffeinated, chaotic moment at a time. I will see you all soon. Bye now.

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Whitney Mihalko - Aguon

Host
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Paula Welz

Guest

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