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Conscious But Grounded
Conscious but Grounded is a podcast about spirituality: high vibe living in the real world. I ask questions like: how do we connect to the magic, spirit, source, the universe - but with our feet firmly planted on the ground? How do we show up in a conscious way and harness that to make big paradigm-busting change in the day to day of our lives?
Conscious But Grounded
S1: Ep 15 Navigating My Life's Purpose with Neurodivergence
In this episode I consider my ADHD and possible Autism and how that plays out with my life purpose, or 'dharma'.
Hey! I'm Rachel! I am a qualified Holistic Life Coach and Mind Body Practitioner, Embodiment Coach, Yoga 500hrs (plus lots more extra yoga quals). I'm also an award winning content creator and have 20 years' experience in digital. I'm a mum of 3 kids and I live in the Peak District - oh and I have ADHD and I am sober. My passion is helping midlife women turn meltdown into magic!
Offerings:
My luxury retreat for midlife women! (free workshop in the pop up too)
Book a coaching taster spot with me half price
Goddess Codes Chakra Masterclass (GODDESS7 to get for £7)
Find me here:
Conscious but Grounded is a podcast about spirituality, high vibe living in the real world. I ask questions like, how do we connect to the magic? The spirit, the source, the universe, but with our feet firmly planted on the ground. How do we show up in a conscious way and harness that to make big, paradigm busting change in the day to day of our lives? I'm Rachel Brady, mum of three, yoga teacher and embodiment coach. This is the place where I'll be reflecting and exploring big, deep questions, all with a pinch of self deprecation, a few proper lols, and a lot of real life. Join me.
Hi there. Welcome back to Conscious, but Grounded. Gosh, I feel like I've been away for a little while. Um, and well, I have been away for a little while because I was so consistent to start with. I've not put, um, any, any, uh, boundaries around when I'm gonna record'cause that's not gonna work for me right now saying, you know, new weekly episodes and, or, or daily episodes or anything like that. I'm just recording as the energy flows. And as it happens, I always pick up to record when I'm in this stage of my cycle, always. There's no coincidence there. However, I don't feel amazing. I've got a bug. I just cannot shake this bug. The kids had it, and then I've had it. It's like a tummy ache and a sore throat. I. But, um, yeah, I'm back and I'm in the car and it seems to be a good time to record when I'm in the car. I'm traveling to Sheffield, which is 30 minutes away from where I live. So it is like the perfect time. Um, and I was thinking about what I want to talk about and what I want to do and what this podcast is, and also my sub stack. So if you like my, just to quickly say, if you like my, um, podcast, then you'll probably like my substack. My substack is the yoga householder. So that's like about spirituality in life. Very much the same as this slightly different lens, but very much the same. It's just me sharing my ideas, my thoughts on things like spirituality, being a mom, things like that. Yoga, obviously through the lens of yoga. And this is through the lens of just wider spirituality. Um, so what, what, what I've been going through recently. Is very much still this autism. Um, yeah, my son's autism diagnosis and my subsequent processing of that. And honestly, this sounds very selfish, but like my, through my own lens of neuro, uh, divergence, you know, I am a neurodivergent. Woman, I have a DHD and through me contemplating whether I am also autistic. Does it even matter? Do want a diagnosis? And what I've been and how this has been showing up in the, in the 3D world, in the practical world, which is what this website is about, like balancing, balancing all of the spiritual, all of the ether, all of those. Things with, with, you know, day to day life. Um, how that's showing up is how does this affect me in my life? How does, how can I create a life that I can actually manage? How can I extend that into the business? Because my, my business has to be completely part of my life. That's just who I am. Like it has to roll from one thing to the other. I've always just, that's just, I. Can't go out and do a business right now that's completely different to my life. Um, I just don't have the bandwidth for that. And I also believe, like my dharma, so in yoga we talk about dharma, which, which for want of a better description, kind of means life purpose. It's not exactly that. Um, but it's, you know, for the purposes of this conversation, it's the easiest way to describe it. So it's like, um, your dorm, uh, the thing that you are here to express. Um, and. I've talked about this before. I think I recommended Sahara Rose's book. Discover Your Dharma. That's really good. Um, and I've been kind of obsessed with it, obsessed with like, what am I here to do? And I think it's because it can only be something that fits around my specific brain and how I show up in the world. So the reason I think that my blog and my YouTube channel was successful in its own small way or successful, uh, is because I, it was just me living my life and like sharing that. And I am a natural born sheer. Like that's just who I am. And, and, and it doesn't come without its problems like privacy and impacting on other people and impacting on myself, um, and boundaries and things like that. But also I have to just accept that that's just who I am as much as sometimes I go, yeah, I'm not in the mood to do that today. Nobody asks for it, obviously, but it's just, it's just what comes through me authentically. So I believe that your dharma is just what comes through you authentically what, um, your soul is here to express. And so this whole autism question has got me thinking like, you know, for example, okay, so I finally settled on, okay, it's yoga, it's spirituality. That's, that's where I'm at now because I, I've been transitioning from this kind of food mommy blogger through the experiences of, of the healing process that I've been through, um, which has been about discovering my authentic. Itself, it's probably linked a lot to perimenopause, it's links to the process of quitting alcohol. Um, and, um, yeah, it's really hard to thread all this together, but I hope I'm doing that okay. But I do keep wandering off and thinking, hang on, what am I saying here? What I, what I want to talk about really is like the, my Dharma and it's such a, a strong spiritual subject. Um, you know, what are we. Here for, and what I've been contemplating and why I've kind of been away for a little while and what's been going around in my head is, what am I here for? What do I want my life to look like? How can I contribute to society in a way that doesn't make me ill? Um, and, and how can I prioritize my family? So that's the household a bit. So like what I was doing when I was sharing my recipes and my um. My recipes and my thoughts and things like that on YouTube all around family, and then it kind of spread a bit more into wellbeing. It started off with family food and it kind of just ebb and flowed with those subjects. What I was doing there was just kind of being a householder, a householder in spiritual terms. We've talked about this before, I think is, um, someone who's living a spiritual path, who's walking a yogic path, for example. It doesn't have to be yoga, but. A spiritual path, but isn't living as a nun or a Hmong court. They can't devote their entire life to it. They have a job or they have a family. You know, most people, basically, if you're on a spiritual path and you're not devoting 100% of your life to it, you're a householder basically. Um, and I very much relate to that term because also household, if you said it now, what people would probably assume it meant, it means, although it's not in, it's not massively in modern, in, in use outside of spiritual circles, I've noticed is a household, you would think, oh, it's more of a modern take on the word homemaker maybe. And sometimes it's used that way as well in spiritual circles. But I very much relate. It very much feels like a good term for me and where I'm at because my first priority is an. Has to be my family. It has to be my home, my family. When I veer too much off into the business, which because of my Neurodiverse, neurodivergent, sorry, brain, I saw an amazing post on Instagram, but the other day I'll share it is what happens is you go into this obsessive hyperfocus, create state and, and you create the most amazing stuff and you're like on fire in your business. Because you're so in a high focused state. You or the thing, you drop the ball, you drop the ball, you're too exhausted to take your kids to club or something. Or you know, you forget they've gotta play that day and they've got to have this and that. Uh, the quality of the meals that you're booking slips, you know, you, the bedtime routine that you were trying so hard with, with your youngest slips, um, you start to become snappy around them because you are putting all into your business. And so what Nigel Lawson, that Nigel Lawson. Quote, I think it is, I dunno if she actually said it, but apparently she said, you can only ever do two things really well. So it can be your career and your family, or it can be your marriage and your family, or it can be your marriage and your career. And so I really, that really resonates. Um, so it's not, it might not be that you neglecting your kids, you might be neglecting your relationship anyway. I have to find some kind of balance. And balance is hard when you're neurodivergent. It really is hard. Um. So if you like, even though I'm not diagnosed, the kind of more autistic style style of my brain craves routine and craves that kind of 6:00 AM daily sader, you know, and then moving through to like getting the kids ready. And then I, like, I write these routines out about once a week and I find it very hard because the A DHD side of my brain to actually stick to them. Um, and also my energy ebbs and flows, so I can't work in routine. So what all. All this is going towards is like, how do we find a dharma that not just ticks the boxes intellectually. Like we go through the process, we take the quiz, oh, we're a visionary teacher. Oh, we're this, we're that. And, and, and what's always apparent in these quizzes for, for your discovery or dharma type thing is like, what's your life purpose? Quizzes is like, there's always a theme there of like, what have you been through that you can help other people with, right? Um, so it's not just what are you interested in? It's like, what have you been through? And so my thing has always been like, okay, well it's like healing other women, healing people. And it's like, okay with what? Uh, and so it's like, okay, neurodiversity or healing or alcohol or yoga. So that's been part of it too. Um, so where I've been going with all of this is like, how does this new neurodivergent information or inclination affect. Me, well, I've been reading the book, unmasking Autism by Devon Christ. I'm repeating myself a lot here. The last few episodes have been about this because I feel like I can only make content about what I'm going through right then at that time. Um, but really this book could apply to anybody. Like it's such an amazing book. I highly recommend it. To everybody, and it's about like the process of just showing up as your absolute realist, truest self, and having braveness to be your authentic self and put up boundaries and speak your truth and remove yourself from toxic situations. And don't, you know, don't live for the people. Um, don't feel like you've got to fit in all these different things. And I realize I've been doing that in my business. I, as we all do, you know, we, we, we read a book or we see a technique. Or a strategy that goes, this is the way to run our yoga business. You have to show up and teach in person X times a week. You have to do this, you have to do that. It's exhausting. And I've known innately for some time that I don't know if I can show up in that way, but I still adore yoga and it's been my, it's been the path that's resonated and worked for me most closely. Like as with anything, it drops off. Like my Asana practice has dropped off quite a bit recently'cause I've been feeling ill. But I've been meditating twice a day. Uh, I've only missed the twice a day thing. Twice I think. So I've been doing that 32 days now, twice a day. Uh, and only I've not missed a day, if that makes sense. But I've missed two days where I haven't done it twice. And I guess that's why it's a good thing that you do it twice, because then you're like, well, I still meditated, but I didn't do the double right. So I'm doing all the stuff, but my, my physical practice has dropped off. And it's like, I've been looking. At doing more kind of work or more leaning into more of the neurodiversity exploration. So I looked at doing a master's or a postgraduate diploma with Sheffield Hall University. I sat down and had a chat with the guy that runs the course and write and wrote the course. And it really did sound fascinating and I'm thinking, right, I could maybe do some work around creating a neuro affirming yoga space, but more so, I mean, I have to investigate everything I have. That's just who I am. I have to go, I have to have the meeting, I have to knock on the door, I have to make the application, and then I decide whether I want to do it or not. I've done this several times with several things, all kind of career related as well. Um, and what, where I've come to today is kind of full circle. So I've really enjoyed this process even though it's been hard because I've been like, hang on, do I. Continue. First of all, this yoga business. Um, do I continue this, uh, yoga business in the way that I have been running it? That's the question one that I've been thinking of. And so I've been very much realizing that I want to make changes in my yoga business. So I love teaching online. Like I really, really love it. And that's probably to do with my neurodivergence. I know it's not everybody's cup of tea, but I also know. Even though it can feel like a bit of a drudge and a bit of a ugh, like lugging my back, back, uh, to the very small class that I'm teaching in person at the minute, that, that's important too. Um, but limiting the amount of in-person classes that I do, uh, reducing the in-person stuff, really building a life around the fact that I want to spend most time on my own, which I do. That keeps me sane. The school holidays is when the wheels always come off. And, you know, factoring in the other things that work really well. For example, I've been doing tarot readings. I've not put them on my website as an offering yet because I'm still kind of in practice mode. I haven't certified yet. Um, I've been doing them for my yoga audience, uh, my yoga customers as a freebie because they booked on the seasonal day retreats. So I'll share the link to those below. So if you book onto the seasonal day retreats, um, then you get a free kind of tarot reading. So I was gonna do them over. Zoom and I realized I can't channel when I'm live over Zoom with somebody. I'm too in the moment with the person because I'm focusing so much on being in, on being there with that person. I need to get into my own space with nobody else there. Sage, C all of the accoutrements, um, that aren't the tools themselves. They're just the accoutrements that help me get into that space. And I, I have to do the reading on my own. And I realized that. And, and I had to be brave and tell people that had booked on, listen, I know we've got a Zoom call booked, but I'm actually gonna do this over voice note after I've done the reading.'cause I need to be on my own for the reading. And also it takes away too much of my opinion. It it's very much delivering the reading and then leaving them to digest it in their own time. So that's a decision, for example, that works very much around my authentic self as a neuro divergent individual. But I also feel like this work applies to. Everybody. So my coach, Karen, who I'm so excited, we're recording next week for the podcast. It was supposed to be this week, uh, but I couldn't do it this week. And then, yeah, she's coming on next week. Her work is all about, and she uses the lens of human design rather than the lens of neurodiversity. Same thing really. I mean, it's not. Same thing, but it's very similar. So she has always, she's worked with me for years and she can see me and she knows, she's like, she never tells me what to do, but she, she knows. So I'm a projector in human design, and the projector shares, whether you're like, I'm a projector and I'm all about being a projector. The traits of a projector are very similar to the traits of an autistic person or a neurodivergent person. I would say likes being alone, very limited access to energy apart from when they're in the hyperfocus, um, things like that. And so she isn't a neurodivergent coach. However, I feel like a lot of spiritual practitioners and healers are neurodivergent. And this is an interest area of mine that I did think about. Well, I could study that at university, you know, I could do research on that at university, but what, how that kind of plays into what I'm talking about. Today is like when, when you're doing these discovery or Dharma books and quizzes and things like that, there's a lot of, they are all kind of cookie cutter approaches. They're like, okay, so you are a teacher, a visionary. And then I, I mean, I've paid thousands and I mean thousands saying, do it this way, do it that way. And they might work for neurotypical people or for like, you know, generators, manifesting generators. That type of profile in human design. Um. But I feel like you have to build a business around your life. So especially as householders, which everyone who's listening to this is, I'm pretty sure, like, unless there's like a full-time, you know, nun or monk or mon listeners to this, um, like we have to build businesses. If we are here to show up for our dharma in that life purpose, soul, enriching, we are here to deliver our soul's true purpose like. And I realized that is a privilege, by the way, we are privileged when we're doing that. But wouldn't it be marvelous and wonderful if everybody could do that? Uh, so I'm just noting that I, we are privileged, I am privileged to be able to do that. I know so many of us, and I think I've mentioned it before in an episode, like if you are wanting so much to live your soul's true purpose, but the reality is right now you're doing some hours in a shop or you're doing some hours in a pub, then massive respect to you. Like what commitment is that? Like, that's mind blowing to me. Um, and you know, if I didn't have a husband with a decent job, if I didn't have kids at school, I think I'd be doing the same, um, because we have to pay our bills. And that's hard. Like a lot of this. Spiritual work. Yoga teaching's a great example of like poorly paid spiritual work. Geez, really badly paid, like incredibly hard to make any money whatsoever. Uh, which is hence why people diversify. Like you don't make money out of teaching yoga. You, you make money out of yoga teacher trainings and retreats. That might be an interesting episode. Further down the line, but I, in my business journey as a yoga teacher at the minute, I'm very much just starting out. Um, so you know, my first love, I would say I love teaching yoga. I see it as an extension of my own yoga experience and journey. I feel like my. First Dharma. My first purpose is this. I feel like I'm a content creator, which is why I'm constantly, always changing my yoga, my, uh, Instagram bio to like creator, yoga teacher and explorer and creator, because I don't, I'm still figuring it out. Like, I don't know. I don't really know if I'm a coach. I don't know. I think I'm a pretty good yoga teacher, but I don't think that being our yoga teacher is my full dharmic expression. I feel like I love being on my own. I love, you know, what I've gotten into recently is gardening. So I know that when I'm in this state of like, oh, there's something happening. There's an upgrading happening, or a shift happening, or a pivot happening or something, it's like, hold steady, hold steady, and what I've. Tried to do is instead of, you know, I've explored a few things, but is like, really get outside, get in the garden. I've been teaching my Gods Codes mini masterclass, which will be available soon as a, just a prerecorded seven part podcast. I've been doing like the live weekly version, um, and really working through the chakras thinking what do I need, what do I need in the chakra in this area? And, um, part of the root chakra work. It is like, get outside, get your hands in the earth. And so I uprooted a veg bed. Uh, one of the veg beds was covered in like, brambles, and it was like really heavy, hard work, but it was really good for my mind to just be like, get my hands in the dirt, you know? Um, and what I'm gonna do there is grow some cut flowers. So I've, I've signed up for something called The Flower Club. The flower project, I think it is. Uh, and I need. More things in my life that aren't about my business, that aren't about my family. They're just about pleasure. They're just about enjoyment. Uh, so I'm digressing again, but that is part of your dharma is like have a healthy relationship with it. Like your life purpose really all relies on you being well, and, and a way to do well is to do things that you enjoy just for the creativity of it and the beauty of it. And I mean, I've really been loving Meghan Markle new show and like I will not hear a bad word against her that I'm gonna do an episode on about how much I hate women hating on women anyway. But um. It really, really gave me massive, massive pleasure to watch that show and reminded me about my absolute love of homemaking and how that will never go. And so I'm hoping to bring more of that stuff to the yoga householder, especially through the new interest in like growing cut flowers and things like that. You know, I still love cooking. I love being a householder. I really do, and it's a privilege to be able to do it. And so that's part of my dharma. It really is like, that is part of my dharma. And part of my dharma is I guess it's like finding people who are like me, who love like growing flowers and cooking food, but who are spiritual and want to leave a legacy in the world. So the reason I was exploring the autism, uh, masters and the autism postgraduate diploma, well worth checking that out by the way, at Sheffield, Harlem Universe. The do a distance learning one and in person, um. What I was thinking is, oh, this is like a super grounded way to like bring in my own experience and then land it and match it with my yoga. And so I thought this is a good subject for, um, for the podcast. Uh, because it's like, and, and I still might do that by the way. Like I think I would love to learn more about how to create a neuro affirming yoga space and then have a specific yoga group, um, or practice or gathering or collective of something, uh, for that like yoga to help with, um, you know, to help and also to create spaces that are just easier for neurodiverse people. People to be in because this is, this is the other thing I've been wrestling with. So I've been looking into Aveda for ages. Like should I study Aveda? Aveda is a sub sister science to yoga. It's all about food and lifestyle. It was, it's the oldest medicine practice in um. A lot of western medicine was like based around it, like years ago. Um, but here's the thing that put me off it, and I still haven't got a clear answer on this yet, and it's whether or not I, a Vida sees neurodiversity as something to be cured and I was reading and reading online trying to find information. And until I find that information, I don't think I can move forward with learning in that area. Because I feel very strongly that, um, I believe it's called like the social model of disability, that neurodiversity is here, uh, as a diverse brain, not a wrong brain, not something that needs to be cured. Like I think we're shifting this perspective now, uh, from, you know, these aren't disorders. However, they are differences and we are disabled in a world that's made for neuro. Typical people, but there's a nuance there, which is, uh, the social model versus the medical model of disability. Anyway, yet another digression, but it's all related, right? So I see that like there's, you know, I found one person that talks about neuro affirming yoga spaces and I was like, wow, there's an opportunity here. How conscious, but grounded is that Like, that's like there's a spiritual. Reasoning here. There's a spiritual reason for this, but it's also super grounded. And I said to the guy, like the guy who the course leader, I was like, I want to like put my learnings to use in some way. And I get, you know, when people say, what's your legacy? It's mainly something that men say to be honest. Like, what's your legacy? What do you want to leave in the world? Like what? What's your legacy that. That, you know, what's the end game here? And I'm like, I try to flow a bit more nowadays and not think so much in that male mindset way. Um, like follow the breadcrumbs and create from the heart. And that's, you know, what, what's good will come or what's needed will come. Um, and yeah, so I guess, but thinking about that, like, I would like to use my skills in a way that serves people. And I know it serves people to come to a yoga class. I know it serves people to come on a retreat. I know that. I know that, I know that. But I also would love a more kind of physical, tangible, whether it's a book, whether it's a, and I feel like it's gotta come from my own experience. And so far, the biggest story. That I have to tell one that's lasted my whole lifetime is my story of undiagnosed neuro divert. City or neurodivergence. I get those wrong all the time and I feel like, obviously I'm not alone in that like this. I speak to so many women and my unique lens is the spiritual lens. And so yeah, I guess I'm approaching where I need to go to, uh, which is the hairdressers. Hooray, who doesn't love going to hairdressers. Um, a little bit of socializing time, but not too much. Um, yeah, so I, I guess what I think I'll call this episode is, um. Something to do with dharma, like what's your dharma? Like, how do we, um. You know, how do we engage with our dharma and explore our dharma in a way that truly serves us with the knowledge? Now that neurodiversity ain't that diverse. It ain't that rare. It's diverse, but it ain't that rare, right? Like I think we're realizing. Oh, like a shit load of boys are actually neurodiverse. And I think there's a gap there that when we, when we do these career quizzes and we do these like spiritual dharma quizzes, like we're not taking that into account. And so whether you look at it through the lens of human design or neurodiversity, how can we build lives and careers? Honoring our unique householder status and also that are going to energize us and not drain us. And so I feel like that's a good place to leave it. Thank you for listening. I need to share this podcast more. I starred and. To Grand Page, by the way, at Conscious Book, grand podcast. And I literally just like popped a few clips on there. It looks dreadful. It's really dark. I need to change the covers. I need to make it look nicer. I need to be braver about sharing this podcast. And I think it's because I've got a belief somehow down there in my dark shadows that, that it's rubbish and that I, and you know, so please, like, if you're enjoying this and you've listened to this, please do leave a review. Like just. Let me know that like, this is actually resonating with someone. Um, because what I would say to somebody if they said, that's me, is like, just keep doing it. Just keep doing it. Like it's not gonna be amazing from the first go. And if anything I say to people, just listen to the ones with the interviews. They're really good. So follow the new podcast, Instagram at Conscious Book Grounded podcast. Go follow my substack at, uh. substack.com/rachel Radio Yoga. And on there it's called the Yoga Household. I'll leave a link below. Um, alright guys, wish me a look at the hairdressers. Okay, see you later. Bye.