.png)
Conscious But Grounded
Conscious but Grounded is a podcast about spirituality: high vibe living in the real world. I ask questions like: how do we connect to the magic, spirit, source, the universe - but with our feet firmly planted on the ground? How do we show up in a conscious way and harness that to make big paradigm-busting change in the day to day of our lives?
Conscious But Grounded
S1 Ep 18: When the wheels come off!
In this episode (that was recorded 2 months before I posted btw) I talk about the school holidays, where the wheels always come off!! Expect some honest sharing...
Connect to me below - freebies at my website and I hang out all the time at my Insta.
Hey! I'm Rachel! I am a qualified Holistic Life Coach and Mind Body Practitioner, Embodiment Coach, Yoga 500hrs (plus lots more extra yoga quals). I'm also an award winning content creator and have 20 years' experience in digital. I'm a mum of 3 kids and I live in the Peak District - oh and I have ADHD and I am sober. My passion is helping midlife women turn meltdown into magic!
Offerings:
My luxury retreat for midlife women! (free workshop in the pop up too)
Book a coaching taster spot with me half price
Goddess Codes Chakra Masterclass (GODDESS7 to get for £7)
Find me here:
Conscious but Grounded is a podcast about spirituality, high vibe living in the real world. I ask questions like, how do we connect to the magic? The spirit, the source, the universe, but with our feet firmly planted on the ground. How do we show up in a conscious way and harness that to make big, paradigm busting change in the day to day of our lives? I'm Rachel Brady, mum of three, yoga teacher and embodiment coach. This is the place where I'll be reflecting and exploring big, deep questions, all with a pinch of self deprecation, a few proper lols, and a lot of real life. Join me.
Hello there. Welcome back to Conscious Book. Grounded. Uh, I feel really rusty. Actually, I've not recorded for a while. Um, we've been on holiday, it's been used to holidays and also I've got a couple of episodes just to back up with. Um, but then I saw in my diary I was. Recording with a guest tomorrow. So, um, I thought, you know, it'd be really nice actually to just record myself first, just to get back in the swing. Uh, and, and then I'm actually in the car driving Sheffield, and as you know, if you've listened before, a lot of my episodes are done whilst I'm in the car or whilst I'm walking the dog, uh, having a coffee and, and just kind of feeling. Like, I'd love to share, um, and I was just thinking like I always do, or what is it I want to share on today? And there's so many different things that I want to talk to you about in the realm, within the realm of how to be, you know, a spiritual person in the real world. And I think I'll just make this a chatty one and maybe at the end there'll be a theme that comes up. And so I thought, you know, also I feel like this helped me so much to process, like I process like this, um, by writing. And speaking and it, it, I just find it really helpful. And um, one of the things that I thought, well, that's definitely something on my mind recently, one of the things is that, yeah, we've been away for, we went away for 10 nights, but the Easter holidays was obviously two weeks. Um, and then some,'cause it hasn't bank holiday as well. Um, and before then, I don't think I'd recorded for a while. Uh, not, it wasn't too long, maybe a week or so. And like I say, I've got a couple of episodes, just chatty ones, um, where it's just me just to upload. And I, you know, what happens, right? Okay. So if you know me or if you've chatted to me or been been on social, you might have heard me say this before, which is that I find, um, term time to be my health most healthy, productive, settled time. And that probably speaks somehow to my neurodivergence. However, it's, I, I, I just thrive better in that kind of routine when I've got my own space to make progress, even if it's small progress on. Things like the house and, uh, routines and, you know, my own healthy habits and things like that. I find it easier to do everything during term time when it's the holidays. Don't get me wrong, I'm excited too by the like, yay. No more like school dashing out the door for school in the morning and like spending time with the kids. Like I always joke like, oh God, uh, get them back to school. I love spending time with the kids. However, it is hard, like, you know, we've got three kids and that is hard. All different ages. You know, a couple of them are neuro diverse. I wouldn't be surprised if all are, to be honest. Um, so I do find holidays hard and, and the amount of times, uh, where I, I will, I always use the phrase the wheels came off, like the wheels came off when the holidays. And honestly, to some degree during this holiday, the wheels came off. And I suppose that's what I'll start with today, which is that I had, uh, quite, I had a few days on holiday, uh, where I had a drink and then I. And before the holiday as well. And so I'd got to about three months. Uh, sobriety wise, and this is like a pattern for me, but like there is growth because, um, I will do, I used to do less than three months and then break my sobriety. I mean, nothing bad happened. I enjoyed myself. I, you know, it for people looking in and people do say this to me, like, why do you try and do it then? Like, if, if it's okay, if it's kind of okay. And I guess the answer is I just feel so much healthier when I don't drink. Um, I have had a, definitely had a rocky history with alcohol. Um, and I have delicate mental health and it absolutely does not help the mental health. And some people, it doesn't affect them in that way. And that's fine. Uh, it definitely does. Me, you know, I found that I coped in averted commas very well with drinking. It was fine. I. Um, I, I didn't wanna drink and drink and drink. I, I easily stopped. Um, I ended up having a cigarette every time I drank and only one. And I only had a couple of drinks, but like, again, like people might like look on probably less so with smoking and go, well, what's the problem then? Like, it sounds okay if you only do that on holidays. And I've definitely given myself grace around that. I'm like, I don't future trip about it now, and I don't like, make myself future promises and. Also that does adhere to the kind of outlook of like one day at a time in terms of, you know, just for today you choose not to drink. And I've done that since I've got back, uh, despite wanting to drink very much on about three occasions. Um, and it's a muscle and, and so choosing not to drink on those occasions is a muscle that you build. And I said this to a relative the other day, who said, who? People, you know, when you talk about not drinking. Actually, if you talk openly about drinking and not drinking, people really do come to you with their truth. And the person said, um, you know, they have a trouble with the off switch. Once they start, they kind of go on partying and it's a big night. However, they can have quite big stints and, and even if they really want to have a drink, they will choose not to. And I said to that person, that's a muscle that you are building. And so that's really good. That's really good progress. And so everything is progress, right? Um, so we've come back and I've, I've not had a drink and I actually stopped having a drink halfway through the holiday because I thought, you know what? I don't want to be, uh, having a drink every day on holiday. It's fine that I've done it. It's fine, it's fine. No biggie. But now I choose not to, and that is a muscle. And so that's been some, some progress. The. Thing is in the way. The other thing that relates to the wheels coming off Inver, verted commas, is I was on a 45 day meditation streak, and it started to wobble as we went away, and then it just dropped off. But there were quite a lot of days where I just did one deck, one meditation a day. So the Vedic meditation that I do is twice a day, 2, 2 20 minutes, which does sound like a lot, especially to someone that's never meditated before and stuff. But it's actually. The, it's actually just the right amount because if you don't do a decent amount, you kind of don't really feel the benefits. And so there were a couple of days where I had really crappy ones where I just was interrupted halfway through and then sax it off, and so, so it wasn't a complete, no, you know, no show with the meditations. I did meditate, so that was the other thing that the weather wheels came off. And also the other thing was I noticed, and it's probably related to the fact that I did have. Have a drink. And I wasn't meditating, I didn't do my yoga practice. I definitely got on the floor of the hotel room a couple of times and did a few cat cats and down with dogs, which is like almost like my bare minimum type thing. One day I will share actually a little practice that I do as my kind of bare minimum. Um, my practice has dropped off basically, is what I'm saying. And I think that has that, it's like chicken and egg, like which came first having a drink made the TR practices drop off. Off or practices dropping off, made you have a drink? Probably both. A bit of both. Um, you know, the spiritual life is one of, uh, moderation and they talk about bra carrier, Bram carrier said Bram carrier, uh, which is moderation. And also it's one of practice, um, Absa I think that is, uh, and it is, it's, it's a practice and it's a daily dedication that keeps. Keeps you on track, but when you do wander off and you will wander off, it's just like the act of meditation in a wider spectrum. You know, it's the act of meditation is that your thoughts wander off and you bring them home. The thoughts wander off, you bring it home, uh, you know, you bring your attention back. It's exactly the same with, um, with, with your spiritual practice. You know, I put a little post on yesterday. I didn't say too much because I also am very careful now about like where I share because. I, I think people couldn't be quite judgmental about things and not understand. Um, but because I choose to share fairly openly, uh, I put on, I just put on about my meditation practice dropping and coming home. And that really is the most important thing. It's absolutely fine to wander off the path, um, but you bring, bring it home. Bring it home. Always choose, you know, today's a new day, you can bring it home. I'm finding all of these things. Really hard to juggle at the minute. Um, I, one of the things I'm struggling with, and this is a very earthly experience, is I'm really struggling with feeling crap every day. Uh, yesterday my, I had a visual disturbance. I was sorting my daughter's bedroom out and my eyes kind of felt like they wanted to go cross-eyed, and I sat down and then I, I felt like I was gonna get a, a visual migraine, which I do get sometimes, and I just felt absolutely exhausted. And, um, I'm waking up with a lot of back ache. I've got a degenerative disc on one side, and I know these things are directly affected by my practice is dropping off by, on holiday, and by the way, I do, I do not care that we ate so much on holiday, but we ate so much on holiday. I mean, I tried to make kind of vaguely healthier choices, you know, but I'm, I'm very, very, I'm a big food lover and I'm a big, you know, believer in pleasure and I'm very body positive, but I've. Course if you go to an all inclusive, that's kind of part of the deal. Uh, and so that's what we did. And um, you know, you just naturally eat more. Like nobody eats three big meals a day at home, you do when you're on holiday. But all of those things have, have created, I guess, a heaviness when I wake up in the morning, uh, a very sore back when I wake up in the morning. And I'm also just exhausted. Like I had to just stop yesterday. And then I was, we're battling with that self-compassion slash being hard on myself battle of like, oh, I wanted to get so much more done today. It's the first day with the kids going back. I wanted to get so much more done. And the other way that, um, so I'm, I'm giving myself compassion around that. Um, and I am trying to do what I can. I'm trying to fast, but it's not going, that, it's not, I'm kind of fasting, but like I'm not being too strict about it, you know? So like, I'm fasting, but then like, I was really hungry, uh, a couple of evenings ago and I had a banana. It's like, that's fine. Uh, so I'm like trying to fast. I'm trying to have my fasting coffee in the morning, but like this morning I'm going to Sheffield. I knew I wouldn't have a chance to eat until later. So I had, um, some breakfast. Uh, but I'm trying to do that, uh, I'm looking again at like, right. I've got to implement some weights into my routine. I, I did a, yeah, I taught yoga for the first time yesterday. Um, just an online class and, um, I felt so rusty. I was so wobbly. I was so sore. I, my, my queuing was off. I was like stumbling over my words. Oh, all of it. The wheels came off. And one more way in which the wheels have come off relating to all of this is my, um, faith in myself. Like I had a whole career wobble on holiday. This happens all the time to me as well. Like you go. On holiday and you have a chance, I think, to sit back and reflect, and I'm sure I'm not alone in this, but I was like, I, I was looking at nursing degrees again. I was looking at teaching again and I really wanted to just think,'cause I'm very much at this crux, at this kind of midway point. If I've got, if I'm lucky, I'm at midway point, right? It could be a little less than that, but I'm like, if I'm gonna retrain, it has to be now. It has to be now.'cause I'm 45 and that's already really late. And so I'm thinking these things. All the time being an entrepreneur in this space where money is not, you know, what I'm doing right now is not giving, bringing in much money, having wobbles, having imposter syndrome, thinking that all the same thoughts. I'm not very good at yoga. I'm not good enough at yoga. You know, all of these things. I'm not, um, a good enough teacher. I'm not, you know, the people that come into my class, there's not enough people. Am I doing all of the self-doubt? All of it, just all of it compounds, doesn't it? With the meditation, dropping off that decision to have a drink and all of it is so beautifully human as well. Um, so massive compassion to myself throughout all of this. And I just wanted to kind of process it, I guess, and I guess the, the, the title of this podcast episode is The Wheels Came Off. You know, I was thinking, why am I doing a podcast? Nobody's listening. Why am I writing a. Substack that I hardly ever write anyway. Nobody's reading and all of it, you know? And then it made me think, well, what defines success? Like really what defines success? I guess looking back at my YouTube channel that's viewed as successful because it's got a few thousand and it's like 7,000 subscribers or something. I mean, at what number do we go that's successful? Is it successful because you're doing it? You know, if a primary school teacher is a primary school teacher, do we say, congratulations? You're a primary. Primary school teacher, you're doing it, you're successful. Or do we go, oh, you got, you know, you're not successful and you, unless you've got a primary school teacher of the year, or unless you made head teacher, you know, at which level do we say you're successful in what you're doing? And then you examine the reasons for what you're doing. Like, am I teaching yoga to be of service to people or am I doing it to have ego, to be, oh, Rachel Brady Yoga. You know, and you have to examine these things and, and this is all going around my head, all. The time because I do want to bring money in for my family. I do want to leave my mark on the world, which I was saying to my husband, like, I do want to leave my mark on the world. And I have to remember that the way I'm leaving my mark on the world, the greatest way I'm doing that is through having my children. And of course all of these things add stress. All of these things add stress. And make me a snappy parent. I'm also going through perimenopause is really starting to take his toll. Um, you know, I'm mom of the year. I'm like this really lovely mom. And then I'm just, I literally scream at the kids out of nowhere talking to my sister-in-law about this, and it just comes from nowhere. And then I apolo, I'm apologizing to them and I can see. See that they're impacted by it. Um, and it's like compassion for myself, but also like, I've got to work on this. So it's like, how do I remove the stresses out of my life a little bit more so that I can just create space around the most important job, which is being a mother. You know, I was looking up the term calmer yogi the other day, uh, thinking about, uh, what the term karma yogi means. And it actually means somebody who devotes their life to whatever they're doing with complete and utter devotion and servitude, uh, in the highest way. And so it got me thinking about how being a mom when I've had these periods where I'm like, I'm just gonna be a mom. And I, I always slip into that. Just, you know, there's no just about it, but it's deciding to be a mom all encompassing. That's my focus. And it's like I keep slipping back to. That's what I should do. That is what I should do. But then I'll pull an Angel card and it'll say, you know, you are, you have the last night's Angel card. When I was thinking this exact train of thought, it said, you know, you have the capacity to be a leader at this time. You are pure potential. Like, don't forget your original intentions. And I'm like, and stop showing me these message. Because I feel like, I feel like there's pressure to keep showing up, but then it's like I know what I would advise somebody to do if they said this to me, and that would be just, just keep putting one foot in front of the next, keep doing your practices and also surrender. Like surrender to the path in front of you. Stop trying to control it because you think you know what that means, but you might not know what it means because God has a greater plan for for you than what you think it might be. You know? Um, and also keep going towards the things that bring you light and love. And in that respect, I I, I just shifted my office out of one of the rooms downstairs because I just felt selfish, like I wasn't using it enough and it needs to be a spare room. So I, I'm turning it into a spare room at some point. But, um, also, all my office stuff is dumped in a corner and in amongst it is like a hundred essential oils or whatever. And I, you know, I walk past, I grab one, I use them. I use an essential oil at least once. Today. I love them. They give me so much joy, and it's like going back to the things that give you joy, but there's so much tied up around, in my mind, tied up around those essential oils. You know, uh, how do I share this love of essential oils with other people? Um, and also the fact that the, the company that I'm with is a direct marketing company. People have an attitude and people have a perception about that. That I struggle with and it always gets in the way of everything. Um, but it's like that aside, it's like what I think I need to do is just keep moving towards the things that I love and sharing them with integrity and the people that want that will come to me. Right. Um, yeah, I just wanted to unpack all of that today and hope that it resonates really with any moms. Trying to juggle and trying to do something outside of the home and, and trying to have a level of spiritual health in their life as well. Um, and so how does it relate to all of that? Well, it's like your biggest dharma and your biggest life purpose if you're a mommy, is to be a mommy. Like it's. You know, we are here for that, but, but that doesn't necessarily mean we have to, we have to only be mom. Right. Uh, and so it's like being here in the present here in the present, the here and the here and now meditating, practicing baking bread. Like yesterday I was. So tired, but I thought, I just wanna do one thing today. I just wanna like, well I did more than one thing, but, um, I was feeling really tired, but I thought I, I actually really want to bake some bread, uh, because it just speaks to that groundedness and that homelessness and, and, um, helping the kids eat better and eat better. So, I made some sourdough, it was disastrous. I got the rest be completely wrong'cause I've not made it for ages. I, I'd like put in twice as much water as what you should do. So I had to. Chuck in loads more flour, but I'd run out of sourdough starter for it.'cause you have to save a bit to continue the starter, obviously. And so I was like, oh crap, this isn't gonna work. And then it worked. I was like, what? Anyway, I did the whole thing myself. Normally Adam helps me at the end by shaping them and like. Of stuff, you know, making it like nice at the end. Um, but I just lobbed it in. He did help me with putting, with, um, note telling me when to get'em out the oven and stuff. But, you know, they're wonky as hell, but they're brilliant. And I just thought, this is it. This is the metaphor, like is wonky, but it's beautiful. And that kind of sums up where I'm at in my life right now. Um, my life feels really good, but also I've got all this stuff worrying around my head. I'm also aware that a lot of the worrying around my head is my A DHD. Um, and, and what I keep writing in my journal is keep it simple and I keep writing the word consolidate, consolidate, consolidate, teach my tiny yoga classes. Record the odd podcast, write the odd post. That's enough. It's more than enough. Like that is what I would say to somebody else. And I always think it's good to think, what would you tell somebody else in this position is like, that's what you should do, so I'll leave it there. It really helped me just sharing that and, and I think I need to be braver as well, sharing my episodes because one of the reasons I don't think my podcast is kind of being listened to by many people obviously is because I'm not sharing it very much. Uh. That's because I'm worried and thinking it's not good enough. And, and that's, you know, if you're putting something out there in the world with your heart in it, it's good enough, right? Somebody's gonna relate to it and resonate with it. And so I'm gonna leave it there. I'm actually off to get a tattoo today, which is rather exciting. Uh, it's my second tattoo and so I will post it later and share. I'm not even sure where it's going. Uh, but it's a beautiful design with the sun and the moon and the ocean depicted in it, uh, and a couple of other elements as well. So I will share that later. And please follow me at Instagram on at Rachel Brady Yoga. Um, I'm putting on some in-person, uh, workshops and I've got a few in-person things going on. Whoops. Uh, but I've also got online yoga now is gonna be twice a week. So please check out my website. I do it wherever you are in the world. You can yoga with me because I do two classes a week online. Uh, and leave a comment if any of this resonated with you. Alright, bye for now.