No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women
No Shrinking Violets is all about what it truly means for women to take up their space in the world – mind, body and spirit. Mary Rothwell, licensed therapist and certified integrative mental health practitioner, has seen women “stay small” and fit into the space in life that they have been conditioned to believe they deserve. Drawing on 35 years in the mental health field and from her perspective as a woman who was often told to "stay in your lane," Mary discusses how early experiences, society and sometimes our own limiting beliefs can convince us that living inside guardrails is the best -- or only -- option. She'll explore how to recognize our unique essential nature and how to use that to empower a new narrative.Through topics that span psychology, friendships, nature and even gut-brain health, Mary creates a space that is inspiring and authentic - where she celebrates the intuition and power of women who want to chart their own course and program their own GPS.
Mary's topics will include sleep and supplements and nutrition and how to live like a plant. (Yes, you read that right - the example of plants is often the most insightful path to knowing what we truly need to feel fulfilled). She’ll talk about setting boundaries, communicating, and relationships, and explore mental health and wellness: trauma and resilience, how our food impacts our mood and the power of simple daily habits. And so much more!
As a gardener, Mary knows that violets have been misjudged for centuries and are actually one of the most resilient and ecologically important plants in her native garden. Like violets, women are often underestimated, and they can even mistake their unique gifts for weaknesses. Join Mary to explore all the ways the vibrant and strong violet is an example for finding fulfillment in our own lives.
No Shrinking Violets Podcast for Women
Boundaries Are About What You Want, Not What You Don't
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Boundaries have become one of those trendy buzzwords thrown around in personal development circles, but what do they really mean in practice? This mini-episode cuts through the confusion to explore what healthy boundaries actually look like in everyday life.
Many of us mistakenly believe that strong boundaries must be rigid, unchanging walls – when in reality, they're typically flexible guidelines that shift based on our needs and circumstances. The key insight missing from most boundary discussions? Effective boundaries aren't built around what you don't want, but rather what you actively desire in your relationships and life.
Through practical examples – from dealing with chronically late friends to managing unbalanced relationships – we explore how boundaries work in the real world. Rather than dramatic confrontations or ultimatums, the most powerful boundaries are often communicated through consistent actions and changed behaviors. When someone's actions make you feel uncomfortable or hurt, that's valuable information pointing toward a boundary you might need to establish.
Perhaps most importantly, we discuss how we inadvertently teach people to cross our boundaries when our actions don't align with our stated limits. The path to healthier relationships begins with honest self-reflection about the patterns we participate in maintaining. By focusing on creating what we truly want rather than eliminating what we don't, we develop boundaries that honor our needs while allowing relationships to evolve and thrive. Ready to transform your approach to boundaries? This episode offers the practical wisdom you've been searching for.
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I want to talk a little bit about boundaries. Welcome to a mini episode of no Shrinking Violence. So boundaries has become one of the buzzwords lately and there's a lot of misunderstanding about boundaries. I think some people might think that they are impermeable, that you make a boundary and it never moves and if you're strong, you will stick to it. Sometimes that's very important. It's very important if there's somebody in your life that is really impactful in an unhealthy way. Toxic is overused, but I'm going to use the word toxic. Sometimes you have to have a hard boundary, and sometimes that is to protect someone that can't protect themselves, like a child. I think, however, it's pretty unusual to have a boundary that is impermeable.
Speaker 1:Boundaries are typically flexible. They might change day to day, but they are built around what you want in your life. So, if you think about a boundary as a way of determining what you want instead of what you don't want because I think we often think in life oh, I wish I didn't have this person, or I wish that everything was different with this person, or I wish this relationship felt more equal when you have a situation in your life that you don't like, I'm going to challenge you to reframe it based on what you do want. So if you want a relationship that feels more equal and I'm going to warn you, relationships are never 100% equal but if you want a relationship that feels more equal, there will be things where you need to change your behavior. If you tend to be the one that always reaches out to schedule something, or you might be more forgiving of someone changing plans on you, they're going to keep doing it, so you might have to make that boundary. If you care about getting to places on time, if you have somebody in your life who is usually late, you might need to say I want to be there at this time. So if you're not at my house by a certain time, I'm going to need to leave. You don't need to be mean about it, but you need to be firm about it.
Speaker 1:Now, does that mean that anytime somebody is late, you make a boundary with them? No, and I think that is what is so hard for people about boundaries that when it's just a behavior that makes you feel like kind of like squirmy, or it hurts your feelings, that's just a clue that you're not getting something that you want. So maybe at work we'll say, in a work situation. Maybe you want to be in a situation where you get more acknowledgement of something that you've done. That doesn't necessarily mean you go to your boss and you say I want you to acknowledge what I do. It might mean that you no longer quote volunteer to help co-workers when it impacts your own work, and that's something called invisible labor, which I've talked about in past episodes. Just, you know, scroll back through and it's near the beginning. It's in probably one of my first I don't know eight or nine episodes where I talk about invisible labor.
Speaker 1:So making a boundary is based on what you want in your life. They are typically permeable and you might have to reassess. You also don't have to declare it, because I think sometimes, when we declare our boundary, what we really want is that person to say oh, I'll change, you don't need to declare it. Most of the time you create a boundary with your actions. There have been times where I've had clients who have to, and this is with parents or siblings or situations where these people are related, and so there's a lot of other emotion that goes along with that. But you might need to say to someone if you do X, I'm going to do Y. So, for instance, if you start ranting to me on the phone, I'm going to need to end the conversation and again, not one strike and you're out.
Speaker 1:We're talking about behaviors that continually leave you feeling uncertain or unhappy or just not okay. So you know there needs to be a change. So most of the time it's going to be. You declare the boundary, just with your behavior. You lean back from that situation. But we teach people how to treat us. So take a good look at your own behavior, and if you are saying one thing like I'm not gonna tolerate this anymore, but you're doing the opposite, where you continue to give somebody a pass, then you might need to kind of look a little bit deeper and try to recognize what keeps you in that pattern. And if truly you want your life to feel different, that's a place where you create a boundary. Thanks for listening today and until next time, go out into the world and be the amazing, resilient, vibrant violet that you are.
