Navigating Breast Cancer with Self-Compassion

Self-compassion becomes a vital lifeline for navigating the overwhelming challenges of a breast cancer journey. This episode introduces the concept of the Mirror Check-In, a tool for fostering self-kindness and emotional resilience during difficult moments. 
• Navigating tough emotions during a breast cancer journey 
• Exploring the meaning and importance of self-compassion 
• Introduction of the Mirror Check-In tool for self-reflection 
• Four elements of the Mirror Check-In: self-awareness, self-talk, self-soothing, and strengths 
• The impact of waiting and uncertainty on emotional well-being 
• The challenge of offering self-compassion and kindness 
• Importance of practicing self-compassion actively during treatment 
• Encouragement to integrate self-compassion into daily life 

Thank you for joining.

The 4 Elements of the Mirror Check-In

1. Self-awareness - acknowledge your emotions and respond with kindness instead of self-criticism
2. Self-talk—speak kindly to yourself
3. Self-soothing - comfort yourself with small physical gestures of kindness
4. Character Strengths - tap into your inner reservoir of resilience and courage

List of 24 Character Strengths

VIA Survey

Please let us know how we can support you by completing the Breast Cancer Reimagined - Listener Survey

Chapters

• 0:04 Breast Cancer Reimagined
• 18:27 Embracing Compassion During Difficult Times

Transcript

Speaker 1: 0:04

The story you tell yourself about your breast cancer journey shapes your entire experience, whether you've been recently diagnosed or are in the midst of treatment. Breast Cancer Reimagined is your podcast for writing this new chapter of your life. Hi, I'm Shannon, your host, and I'm so glad you're here. As a proud two-time breast cancer survivor, I'm on a mission to help women like you reimagine how you navigate your breast cancer journey by helping you shift your mindset, activate your strengths and uncover deeper meaning in your journey. I'm creating future episodes to address your unique challenges, but I need your input. What are your biggest questions or struggles when it comes to your journey? Share them with me by completing the Google form that's linked in the show notes. Your voice matters and together we can create something truly powerful. I can't wait to hear from you. Create something truly powerful. I can't wait to hear from you. Hello, hello. Welcome back to the podcast. Hi, I'm Shannon, your host. I'm a proud two-time breast cancer survivor and I am so glad you are here. In our last episode, we explored two practices to help you uncover deeper meaning in your breast cancer journey. But what do you do when tough moments and difficult emotions feel overwhelming and you just can't seem to uncover deeper meaning in your experiences. Well, in this episode, we dive into self-compassion and how it can help you navigate those toughest moments and uncover deeper meaning in your journey.

Speaker 1: 1:49

We face a lot of tough moments as we navigate breast cancer. For example, getting diagnosed with breast cancer or hearing test results and feeling overwhelmed with fear. Coping with treatment side effects that leave you tired and feeling disconnected. Seeing changes in your body and feeling a sense of loss. Navigating relationships when others don't fully understand. Fearing recurrence and worrying about the future. Grieving your old life and struggling to find a new normal. Endlessly waiting for test results, appointments and treatment plans. Which of these tough moments are you facing?

Speaker 1: 2:40

I remember the endless waiting. I waited for the appointment to see the surgeon. I waited for tests to be scheduled. Then I waited for the test results. I waited for surgery dates, radiation plans, chemo decisions. It felt like my life was in a constant state of pause. I was waiting for someone to tell me what was next. I was waiting for someone to tell me what was next.

Speaker 1: 3:05

Even though I had decided that breast cancer was happening for me to learn and grow, the waiting still felt heavy. I really struggled to find peace in the unknown. And that's when I began exploring self-compassion. Self-compassion gave me permission to be gentle with myself when so much was beyond my control. Instead of trying to immediately push away that discomfort of waiting, I learned to be patient and to simply sit with it. I acknowledged the anxiety, the fear and the frustration I felt, but I did so without judgment, allowing myself to feel those emotions, without adding self-criticism to the mix. This practice of self-compassion it became a lifeline.

Speaker 1: 3:58

So what is self-compassion? Dr Kristen Neff she's a leading researcher on self-compassion. She teaches that self-compassion is about giving yourself the same compassion you'd naturally show a friend when you're struggling or feeling bad about yourself. Basically, it's a way of responding to your pain and struggles with gentleness rather than harsh criticism. I really love that. It's a way of responding to your pain and struggles with gentleness rather than harsh criticism. That's something that I noticed about both of my breast cancer journeys. I was very kind and loving towards myself. I loved myself through the journey and that's why I say I'm a proud two-time breast cancer survivor, because I'm proud of how I showed up for myself when I needed myself the most.

Speaker 1: 4:56

But how does self-compassion help you uncover deeper meaning, especially when navigating tough moments and your emotions feel overwhelming. When emotions feel overwhelming, your brain survival mode takes over and it starts to prioritize immediate safety over reflection. When you're emotionally overwhelmed, it is exhausting, it's mentally and physically draining and it leaves little room or little energy for that deeper introspection. In those moments, you're focused on just getting through the situation. You're not looking to explore any deeper meaning, but the self-compassion tool I'm going to teach you. It acts like a nurturing pause button. It helps you to step back, breathe deeply and acknowledge what you're experiencing, without rushing to judgment or reaction. This gentle pause it really helps to shift your default response from self-criticism, which only intensifies stress and emotional pain, to a place of understanding and kindness. To a place of understanding and kindness, and from this space of compassion you can create the clarity and mental energy needed to explore deeper meaning, and you begin to shift your focus from why is this happening to me To what can I learn from this, and discover how this challenge can bring purpose, growth and insights that shape your life, values and relationships in meaningful ways.

Speaker 1: 6:29

The self-compassion tool that I'm introducing to you is called the Mirror Check-In. Now, this is something that I created back in 2018 because I needed a way to manage the anxiety I was feeling. In my job, I used to struggle with perfectionism and I was terrified of making mistakes, not having all of the answers, and I was constantly beating myself up. I stressed myself out so bad that I ended up going out on medical leave. How did the mirror check-in help? Well, the mirror check-in. It helped me to pause to breathe and acknowledge how my self-critical thoughts were causing me to suffer, and it helped me to start to replace that self-criticism with kindness and understanding. Now, my anxiety didn't go away overnight, but the mirror check-in definitely helped ease my anxiety because I was starting to be kinder to myself instead of beating myself up for not being perfect.

Speaker 1: 7:34

So for this mirror check-in, you need a mirror. I typically use the mirror in my bathroom which just shows from waist up, because that's what's convenient. So I encourage you to use what is convenient for you, use what you have, and a little bit later I'll share some tips if you don't feel comfortable doing this in front of a mirror. So a mirror check-in is a check-in with yourself by looking at yourself in the mirror. You do this in front of the mirror so that you can see yourself. You want to be able to look into your eyes and to see your facial expressions and to just pay attention to your body language. Now the purpose of the mirror check-in, again, is to step back, breathe deeply and acknowledge what you're going through, without rushing to judgment or reaction. It's an opportunity to be there for yourself when you are suffering, because that's when you need yourself the most. It's also a chance to show yourself the same compassion you'd offer a friend when you're struggling or feeling down. The mirror check-in involves four key elements, but before I go through the four elements, bring to mind a friend that you can think of when I share some examples with you. Okay, here goes. We'll start with the first one Self-awareness.

Speaker 1: 9:03

Self-awareness helps you to acknowledge your emotions and respond with kindness instead of self-criticism. Recognizing your emotions allows you to respond with the same kindness you'd offer to someone you care about. For example, think of your friend and let's say you notice that they appear to be angry or sad or in pain. How would you respond? You might say something like it's okay to feel this way. You're going through so much right now. Now imagine responding to yourself with that same kindness instead of criticism.

Speaker 1: 9:45

The second element is self-talk. Speaking kindly to yourself is self-talk, speaking kindly to yourself. In episode two we talked about the negativity bias and how it causes us to focus on problems and what we think is wrong. This is what makes it easy for us to be self-critical. Speaking kindly to yourself helps to counter the negativity bias and it creates a supportive inner dialogue and that just feels so much better. So, for example, think of your friend and let's say you notice that they're feeling down or frustrated. How would you respond? You might say something like you're doing your best and it's okay to take a break. Now imagine speaking to yourself in the same way.

Speaker 1: 10:35

The third element is self-soothing, and this is about comforting yourself with small physical gestures of kindness, like putting your hand on your heart, a gentle touch. I love to wrap my arms around myself and hug myself as a way to self-soothe. These actions reinforce self-worth and can help calm your body and mind, and this just makes it so much easier to navigate stress and difficult emotions. So, for example, think of your friend and imagine that your friend is feeling overwhelmed. How would you respond? You might give them a comforting hug or place a hand on their shoulder. Now imagine giving yourself the same comfort.

Speaker 1: 11:25

And the fourth element strengths character strengths. Leveraging your character strengths in difficult moments is like tapping into your inner reservoir of resilience and courage. It's a reminder that you already have what it takes to face challenges. For example, think of your friend and let's say you notice that they're facing a difficult or a tough moment. What would you think you might recognize their strength of hope or perseverance as they keep going despite the hardship? Now imagine tapping into your hope and perseverance by integrating self-awareness, self-talk, self-soothing and strengths. You're not only strengthening your emotional resilience, but you're also nurturing a more compassionate relationship with yourself.

Speaker 1: 12:24

Now think about those four elements. Which one of them resonates with you the most? Also, did you notice that when a friend is struggling or feeling down, you naturally show them compassion? The fact that you can do it for a friend is proof that you can do it for yourself too. It just takes practice. So let me walk you through an example of how I used these four elements in the mirror check-in when I was navigating those intense waves of nausea.

Speaker 1: 13:00

Those waves of nausea would hit me a few days after going through chemo, and when I would experience these intense waves, I would go into my bathroom, because that's where my mirror was, and I would look at myself in the mirror. In my reflection, I could see the pain in my eyes. I could see the way I was scrunching up my face because of the pain and I was hunched over, kind of clutching my stomach because I had such intense cramping. And seeing my reflection in the mirror, I wanted to comfort myself, I wanted to take that pain away. And so I looked in my eyes and I said oh, sweetheart, you are really hurting. Then I would hug myself, look in my eyes and say I got you, girl, I got you, I am here for you and I love you so much. Sometimes I would just close my eyes and breathe. Sometimes I would lay down on my bathroom floor because the tile being cool or something, it just helped me. It helped me to feel better. Sometimes I would stand next to my bed and I would just lay down with my head and my torso on the bed.

Speaker 1: 14:28

I tried all kinds of things just to help navigate these waves of nausea and throughout the time I kept telling myself I got you, girl, I got you, I'm here for you, I love you, girl, I got you, I'm here for you, I love you so much. This is how I navigated the waves of nausea during my four rounds of chemo. Now, you know nobody wants to go through chemo and it was not on my joy bucket list at all, but I can honestly say that I am so grateful that I got to experience it, because it helped me to become a woman who offers herself compassion when she needs it most. And that's meaningful for me, because I struggled with perfectionism and I used to constantly beat myself up, creating anxiety, and that just made the whole experience even worse, and so something that I learned, or the meaning that I created from this experience, was offering myself love and kindness. It really helped me to change how I relate to myself, and, instead of responding to my pain and my struggles, to the criticism, I was able to offer myself compassion and gentleness. And two other strengths that I used to help me create meaning were gratitude and love of learning. I was grateful for what I was learning about myself through the chemo experience.

Speaker 1: 16:03

Now, when I share with other breast cancer survivors about the mirror check-in tool, they often ask how do I start a mirror check-in if looking at myself feels overwhelming right now? If looking in the mirror feels overwhelming for you, don't push yourself to do it and also know that you're not alone. It can feel uncomfortable looking at yourself in the mirror. You can always work your way up to looking at yourself in the mirror if you choose to, and I just recommend that you start small. For example, you can stand in front of the mirror but have the lights out. That way you're still in front of the mirror but you don't see yourself, so that might make you feel a little bit more comfortable. Or another way you can try it is you can be in front of the mirror but close your eyes. Close your eyes and, as you feel more comfortable, you might find that you can open your eyes in front of the mirror, but only do it when it's comfortable for you. And you can also ask yourself how would you help a friend with this? What advice would you give a friend if they wanted to do the exercise but they didn't want to look in the mirror? And then take the advice you would give your friend and do it for yourself.

Speaker 1: 17:22

And the last question what if you need to check in but you don't have a mirror or other people are around? So you can do this by internalizing the practice. So, for example, start by breathing in and breathing out and then go through the four elements in your head Acknowledge what you're going through, speak kindly to yourself, self-soothe, and then lean on your character strengths. Now, as we wrap up today's episode, remember the purpose of the mirror check-in is to step back, breathe deeply and acknowledge what you're going through without rushing to judgment or reaction. It's about being there for yourself when you are suffering, because that's when you need yourself the most, and it includes these four elements self-awareness, self-talk, self-soothing and strengths.

Speaker 1: 18:27

Over the next week, I encourage you to practice the mirror check-in when you are experiencing difficult emotions, when you're struggling or feeling badly about yourself. Practice giving yourself the same compassion you'd naturally show a friend. Practice responding to your pain and struggles with gentleness rather than harsh criticism. In our next episode, we'll dive into bloom where you are planted how to embrace difficult moments and still find ways to thrive. Don't forget to subscribe. I'll talk with you in the next episode. Thank you for joining.