Mind Over Masculinity
Let’s stop asking men to "man up" and start asking how we can lift them up. After all, mental health is not just a women’s issue or a men’s issue—it’s a human issue.
Take the first step today. Talk, listen, and advocate. Together, we can make a difference.
Mind Over Masculinity
Redefining Masculinity Beyond the Dream - Brent
In a world where the traditional American dream often leaves many feeling unfulfilled, this episode invites you to explore a new definition of masculinity and purpose. Join us as we speak with Brent Dowland, who experienced a life-changing realization that pushed him to uncover deeper meanings beyond mere existence. His journey leads us to question whether the steadfast ideals of providing and protecting are truly enough to ensure happiness.
Throughout the discussion, Brent articulates the vulnerability that many men shy away from, which could be the key to unlocking personal growth and fostering genuine connections. We emphasize the necessity of community and mentorship—structures that often serve as lifelines in the journey from merely living to thriving. Brent’s perspective provides an emotional insight into how men can benefit from shifting away from outdated expectations and embracing a more heartfelt approach to life.
Through personal anecdotes and explorations of societal norms, we aim to spark meaningful conversations that will resonate with men of all ages. With topics ranging from the misconceptions surrounding masculinity to the role of emotional expression, this episode serves to challenge the status quo and encourage listeners to step outside of their comfort zones. It’s time to take action and redefine how we see masculinity in today’s world.
Don't miss out on this enlightening episode—tune in, engage with these transformative ideas, and take the first step towards not just existing, but truly thriving. Subscribe to our podcast, leave a review, and share your thoughts with us!
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Want to be a guest on Mind Over Masculinity? Send me a message.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay Tuned And Follow Us!
- YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@healthymind-healthylife
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/podhealth.club/
- Threads - https://www.threads.net/@podhealth.club
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/podcast.healthymind
- LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/newandnew/
Hello and welcome, listeners, to another interesting episode on Mind Over Masculinity your guide on a journey towards redefining success and masculinity beyond the traditional American dream for today. Well, in this episode, we are diving deep into what it truly means to live authentically and purposefully, challenging outdated narratives and empowering you to break free from social constraints. Now let's explore how embracing vulnerability, community and mentorship can actually help us all move from simply living to truly thriving. So, listeners, meet my guest, brent Dowland. Brent, welcome to the show and it's an absolute pleasure having you with us.
Speaker 2:Thank you so much. I'm very excited to be here, Samar.
Speaker 1:Great, great. So, brent, you know before we dive deep into masculinity, and you know life beyond the American dream. Can you share a bit about your journey, I mean how it all began for you. Bit about your journey?
Speaker 2:I mean how it all began for you, uh, and I know right now you are hosting your own podcast and you know how exactly it all started oh, wow, that is, uh, one of those stories that I think I've told a thousand times is it's it snuck up on me, it really snuck up on me, and I think that's actually fairly common. I hit a point in my life around 39 years old, where it was specifically a trip, because I got this notification from my company. I was working in a corporate IT position and I got this notification from my company. I was working in a corporate IT position and I got this notification from my company to look at my 401k. They made some adjustments, who was hosting it or something, and there was this link and I was like, oh, I should look at that.
Speaker 2:Up until that point in my life, 401k was just something that people said in an interview, like it didn't actually mean anything to me. My financial IQ was pretty, pretty sad at that point, and so I looked into it and found out that the 401k from my other company, my previous company, had rolled over to the same provider and but it had sit there for six years. I had all this money just sitting in a money account for six years, which I didn't know what a money account was or like. I was having to look all this up and I realized my lack of that financial iq. Really, it cost me thousands upon thousands of dollars in retirement because I didn't know I should do something with it, right. So then I dove into a year of just burying myself in learning about finances because I realized how much I had lost because I didn't know anything about it. So long story to get to.
Speaker 2:What I learned that year was I was capable of taking myself to another level of learning things I wanted to learn, and it started to open my mind to the idea of what else am I missing, what else am I not understanding? Because I wasn't taught or I didn't learn or right? That wasn't something that was present in my life before. I started looking around my life and I was like there's more to this. Right, I had a good job, uh, in the private sector, and my wife, you know.
Speaker 2:We weren't rich, but my wife could stay home and raise our children very happily and I had two healthy children. Our bills were paid. Life was pretty good. I had the quote unquote American dream. But I started looking around and I was like this is it, wait? I go to work every day. I come home. I go to work, I come home, I'm providing I'm doing everything I was taught I was supposed to do, but it felt a little bit empty, like there should be something else, and so it started these questions in my mind is like isn't there more to life than this? And that's where it all kicked off for me.
Speaker 1:Interesting, interesting. So, brent, first of all, thank you for sharing, uh that. So let's, let's talk about the american dream. Uh, so, what are some misconceptions uh you think about, uh the american dream that might hold men back from pursuing a purpose-driven life?
Speaker 2:I think the main thing is just the concept right, it's a mental cage for men. We're taught and let me be very clear, there is nothing wrong with the quote-unquote American dream. As far as you know. The quote-un unquote American dream, as far as the quote unquote American dream is the house with the yard and the happy family and the dog and the car and the good job. It's a corporate life, basically, where you have the basic needs provided by your job and you can just do that right, there's nothing wrong with that.
Speaker 2:Providing is a very core, fundamental part of a man's mentality. We are taught from a very, very young age our job is to protect and provide. But that's what we're taught is. Our life is to protect and provide. And as long as we're doing that, we're seeing in younger generations, uh, a movement towards wanting more than that. But, like famously, you'll hear other male podcasters talk about the three P's of protect, provide and preside, and someone will throw in the fourth one, which is procreate. Right, our job is to reproduce. Our job is to provide for our family. Our job is to lead our family and protect our family.
Speaker 2:Well, the modern world has eradicated some of the necessity of all that. Not. All of us live in a place where we have to protect our family daily, right? A lot of, uh, women have jobs that are equal to men. At least some of them are doing better. If you look at college graduates, right, more women graduate from school with higher degrees than men. More women go to college than men. We've seen this shift in the dynamics and there's nothing wrong with that. Okay, I'm a girl that I have two daughters. You tell me they can't do something. I'm going to punch you in the face Like I am all for my daughters. Uh, I don't think they need a man to take care of them, but if a man is going to be worthy of them, he should be able to take care of them. So we're seeing a shift in the mindset, but there's nothing wrong with that traditional idea.
Speaker 2:The problem is men are generally taught, and have been taught for generations, that that is their value. That is all there is to life. This is your goal, right? And we're put in this little box of go to work, make a living, provide a place for your family to live. That's what you do, and the problem is they're they're well, that's a great thing, I'm all for it. That's not where it stops and unfortunately, for most men that's where it stops.
Speaker 2:I had a conversation with a guy one day a friend of mine and it was the first time we had met and he was asking about what I do and I was trying to explain it to him. Because this is the biggest hurdle for men is getting the idea of why they should look for more, why they should look for more, why they should aspire to more. That's the biggest hurdle. I was talking to him and I was like well, this is what I do. I talk to men about this and I help them with this, and he's like but that's all there is.
Speaker 2:The guy is probably four or five years older than me I'm 45 years old but in his mind, that's it, that's life. That is what men do. There is no more to life. He's a dad, he works hard all day, he has a good job, he takes care of his family, he's got three boys, but that's it, that's life for him. There is nothing else outside of that, and getting men to go but there's more to life and see that there's more to life is the hardest first step for a lot of men.
Speaker 1:I I totally agree, I mean totally resonate with you on this, because we are talking about the American dream but in reality, my society also. There is a set template for men and women as well. But right now I think it's really fascinating to see how our definitions of manhood are evolving. I know we have barely scratched the surface, you know, when we were talking before starting with this show, but I think initiatives are being taken and more and more people are, you know, on the front foot of redefining or maybe seeing the layers or the nuances of manhood or womanhood.
Speaker 1:And you know, because in our society also, right from the childhood, boys are given a set template that you, you cannot be vulnerable, you cannot show your weakness, you cannot be vulnerable, you cannot show your weakness, you cannot be vulnerable and weak when you're having a family as well, because they look up to you for strength. But then the man, you know, internally there's a kind of loneliness and the anxieties, the fear kind of loneliness and the anxieties, the fear and that kind of hinders creates that hindrance to share, uh, that fear. And you know that's that's why we, you know it's really surprising to see, uh, the percentage of uh, you know suicide rates. If I talk about india, it's more in men than in women. That's really, really a harsh reality, but that that's what it is I, I agree entirely.
Speaker 2:um, and I, it's. It's funny, I, I tend to offend women because I say things about men, um, and it's like, well, well, we have those preconceived notions too. Right, we have that, that program we're supposed to follow. And, like I said, I, I have two daughters. Uh, I have almost entirely women in my life. I have a small group of men in my circle, but my mom lives with my wife and I. I have two daughters, I have seven nieces.
Speaker 2:My world is surrounded by women and that actually has a lot to do with what I do, what I do, because, looking ahead, I was like, okay, how do I best make the world a better place for all these women in my life? And it's like, well, that starts with helping men become the best version of themselves for me, right? So I tend to offend a lot of women because I talk about men. It's like, well, I don't talk to women because I'm terrified of getting mailed as a mansplainer and trying to tell women how to do things, which is funny because I just grew up in this world around women and it's like, all of a sudden, I'm not allowed to talk to women. But I agree, we're all thrown into a certain cast. This is what your life should look like. This is how you should act. This is how you should act, this is how you should be, and we are seeing a trend where men are starting to move into a little more emotional vulnerability. Uh, we were never taught to share. But it's a double-edged sword, because, you're right, we're all in. This is what you're supposed to do. But when you try and break out of that, you start to run into problems. Just like when you try and fix any large social construct. You have to evolve together on it.
Speaker 2:I hear women talk about wanting men to be more emotionally vulnerable, to share their feelings, to talk about things.
Speaker 2:However, the societal blowback to that is men who do are undesirable. Yep, as as much as women say, we want a man who is emotionally vulnerable and will share with me and admit when he's struggling. And the minute men do, men lose all respect from women. And so at a societal level, it's a really complicated situation, because here we are trying to encourage men to explore the side of the world, to actually meet it head on and not shy away from it, because men have emotions, right. Men have all kinds of mental stress. Men have these things going on but we've been told to hold that tight, to use it to fuel us, but to hold it in because we're not allowed to express that. And as we try and change the narrative and say you can express that, we're still putting on conditions going. But you can cry when your dog dies, like for men, that's okay. Men are allowed to cry when their dog dies because dogs understand loyalty, as only men generally expect it only men generally expect it.
Speaker 2:But you know, if you have a hard day, you can't. You can't break down Right If you're emotionally stressed out, if you're drained and you're exhausted. There are so many men who go to work every single day and they come home after, and it's so rare that people only work eight hour days anymore, men and women. But they come home emotionally and mentally beat up. They hate their job. They generally hate most of their life. The only good part of their life is when they come home. Usually, and that largely depends on how well you set yourself up. There's a lot of homes that don't have peace. There's a lot of homes that there's a lot of strife. When you come home and men walk from one fire into another and then we're told be and it's like you don't really want me to.
Speaker 1:Also, brent, what role do you know? Because building a supportive network is key to our growth. Although right now we are all surrounded by technology, social media, you know people. You know when we have had facebook, uh that era. You know online you have like thousand friends but actually, uh, you don't have any physical friends. So how important do you think mentorship and community? Uh is important in helping men transition from merely living to truly thriving their american dream oh it's, it's a critical aspect.
Speaker 2:So people are pack animals. We we don't like to term it that way that people are pack animals, uh, especially men. Our brains work that way. We want a hierarchy, right. We want to know where we fit in the hierarchy of life. That's why when you see groups of men, you'll see usually there's one guy who's kind of the leader of the group, right, men like a pack mentality and hierarchy, so they understand where they fit in the process. So they understand where they fit in the process. But we need that for maximal emotional and cognitive function. We need a group of men around us to, and it's a really it's important that you get it right, because the wrong group around you will sink you faster than almost anything. The right group will elevate you and push you to where you want to be.
Speaker 2:But I think technology you hit the nail on the head is actually hurting that in a large way as we become more and more online. I was listening to a host talk about, uh, the younger generations, because it's, it's right amplifying as we go down the generational rung towards the, you know, youngest generations now, right, when we get into Gen Z and some generations coming post after millennials, their whole world is online, right, especially this side of the uh Corona era, corona buyers era, where we had lockdowns and people who were literally just taken out of physical contact for the most part. We have generations that are starting to come up and they don't know how to connect and their whole existence is online and it's been happening for a while. Uh, like I said, I'm 45 and my school was the first school in the us to integrate and PC into a giant net mesh network on one system. Uh, in our school, and that was back in I want to say 92 or 91. Right, and the pace which we've accelerated. Like people, people don't, some people haven't lived long enough now to really get a clear view of it. Right, I had the first modern flip phone and it came out in 1996. I didn't, I didn't have let me, I didn't have the first very like the original. No, I I had, but I bought. My first cell phone was the first modern flip phone style that came out back in 1996. It wasn't widely accepted until 97.
Speaker 2:You started seeing people carry cell phones. Now you don't see anybody without one right. This has escalated from only only certain corporate people like lawyers and stuff had bag phones in their vehicles too. Nobody goes without a cell phone. We just bought a cell phone. It is not my daughter's, it is for my daughter's. It is something because my children are getting old enough. Now they're starting to travel for school. My daughter is wrapping up today is her last basketball game of the season and she's playing 45 miles from here going with the school and so we just purchased them a cell phone that I can send with them on trips so they can call me on the way back and say hey, we're about 10 minutes out, come pick me up. They still do not get the cell phone on a regular basis on the way back and say, hey, we're about 10 minutes out, come pick me up. You know, uh, they still do not get the cell phone on a regular basis because it's not good for them as far as I'm concerned. But we move forward and more and more people their whole world exists online.
Speaker 2:Men need that touch point. I still think, one of those amazingly powerful things for men. Honest to goodness, it has not changed in thousands of years. Men connect sitting around a fire better than anywhere else. Put men in the woods with a fire and they will all be fast. Friends, guys will open up, they will talk. They will talk about things they would never dream about talking to any other place. That very primal. We're out in the open air around a fire. This has a magical connection.
Speaker 2:I've worked in a lot of camps over the years with teenagers and taking city kids and putting them around in campfire, especially boys. Just watching them interact is so amazing to me because it just magically happens. We need that touch point, but we need it in the right conditions. Men don't talk face to face. We talk side by side while we're doing other things and so, finding that group of men that you can connect with, I have a group of guys. I'm a nerd. We play games like nerdily complicated board games that most people have never heard of because they take hours and hours and hours to play and have like five different components you're trying to work out Right, but we play games and we talk about things we need to talk about. If we need to talk, sometimes we just play games because we just need to be present with other men who understand our life that's really beautiful.
Speaker 1:So, before we wrap up, brent, if our listeners, especially to all the men, if they wish to connect with you and explore more about you, know how they can explore the real definition of masculinity and you know how can they embrace vulnerability and how would they also listen to your podcast how they can do that, the best place to find me is purposedrivenmencom.
Speaker 2:Uh, that is my website. You can find our latest episodes of the driven to thrive broadcast. You can find blog posts, book reviews. I do reviews for like Men's Gear I think my biggest one right now. I've got a lot of people I shave my head, except for my mohawk, and so I have like a head shaver review on there as well. But it's a new site. I've only had it up for a couple weeks. Now you can sign up for our biweekly newsletter, but that is the hub of everything we're doing right now. So it sign up for our bi-weekly newsletter, but that is the hub of everything we're doing right now. So it's purposedrivenmencom.
Speaker 1:Great. We'll have all the details in the show notes for our listeners and, brent, thank you. Thank you so much for helping us explore this journey of thriving beyond the American dream and reimagining masculinity for today's world. Thank you so much.
Speaker 2:Sana, thanks for having me on, I appreciate it.
Speaker 1:And to all of our listeners, especially to all the men, to all the boys listening to both of us today, the men, to all the boys listening to both of us today, I would like to reiterate that every step toward authenticity is a step toward a more purposeful life. So stay connected, keep challenging the status quo and continue your journey from living to thriving. Until next time, keep thriving and listen to more and more episodes and such engaging conversations on mind over masculinity. Thank you.
