Mind Over Masculinity
Let’s stop asking men to "man up" and start asking how we can lift them up. After all, mental health is not just a women’s issue or a men’s issue—it’s a human issue.
Take the first step today. Talk, listen, and advocate. Together, we can make a difference.
Mind Over Masculinity
Purpose Beyond the Paycheck
The relentless pursuit of success often leaves us hollow, especially when we've followed all the prescribed steps to achievement. But what happens when the career advancement, financial stability, and picture-perfect family life still leave you feeling disconnected from your true self?
In this profound conversation with Tanya Prince, author of "Designed for Purpose," we explore the painful reckoning that comes when external success masks internal emptiness. Tanya vulnerably shares her own breaking point at 40—when her marriage ended and her 20-year career suddenly vanished—forcing her to confront the template living that had defined her existence.
For men especially, this discussion offers rare permission to question whether achievement and providing are enough. We dig into why masculine identity so often becomes entangled with performance metrics and external validation, leaving many men feeling like imposters in their own lives. Tanya offers practical wisdom for beginning the journey back to authentic purpose without abandoning responsibilities or making dramatic life changes.
The most powerful revelation? Purpose isn't something we discover externally but something we remember—an intrinsic design waiting to be uncovered through intentional reflection. Even small pauses throughout your day can reveal patterns of what truly energizes your soul versus what depletes it. Your career isn't necessarily separate from your purpose but can become a vehicle for expressing your authentic self when approached with awareness.
Ready to break free from performance-driven living and reconnect with what you were truly designed for? This episode might just be the permission slip you need to begin that journey. Listen, reflect, and remember that authenticity isn't weakness—it's the warrior's walk.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Want to be a guest on Mind Over Masculinity? Send me a message.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Stay Tuned And Follow Us!
- YouTube - https://www.youtube.com/@healthymind-healthylife
- Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/podhealth.club/
- Threads - https://www.threads.net/@podhealth.club
- Facebook - https://www.facebook.com/podcast.healthymind
- LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/newandnew/
Hey everyone, welcome back to another episode of Mind Over Masculinity, the podcast where we break the silence, flip the script and lean into the strength of being emotionally real.
Speaker 1:I'm your host, abhig, and today's episode is one of those heart-stirring and soul-shaking conversations that just might shift your whole perspective. So, dear listeners, let me ask you something. Have you ever had everything on paper like career, family, mean, still, but still felt completely lost? So ever wondered like what your actual purpose is beyond the daily grind? Have you ever thought about it or not? So do let me know, dear listeners. Like what do you think? Have you ever come up with this conclusion? Or have you ever faced this kind of scenarios? Do let us know. And well, my guest today is who actually knows what that feels like. So I'm really honored to welcome Tanya Prince.
Speaker 2:So welcome to the show, tanya hello, thank you so much for having me lovely, lovely.
Speaker 1:So, tanya, like before we start, I'd quickly love to introduce you to all of our listeners. So, dear listeners, tanya is a newly published author of Designed for Purpose, discovering God's Daily Direction.
Speaker 1:So this isn't just a journal yeah, all I mean it's a four week deep dive into your spiritual compass, your calling and your alignment with something that is greater than yourself. So her story is raw and real. So, after building the kind of life that checks all the boxes, she hit a breaking point at 40. That was career loss, faith shattered. But instead of giving up, she found herself wrapped in grace and reborn with a renewed sense of divine purpose, of divine purpose. So today she's here to speak into the hearts of men who might be quietly wrestling with their identity, their purpose and the pressure to always have it together. So I'll not take much of your time, dear listeners. Let's dive in with one and only Tanya. So welcome to the show.
Speaker 2:Thank you, yes, thank you, for sharing that overview of my story.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly. So Tanya, like I mean, what does purpose mean to you personally after everything that you have lived through?
Speaker 2:if you can share, yeah, to me it is so linked to identity. It is linked to who we are, the fingerprints that are on our heart, who we're wired to be, who we're born to be, and it's also just greatly linked to being authentic, feeling like we can go into any part of our life without compartmentalization, without a mask, without feeling like we're leaving part of ourselves out. Now that's not to say that we certainly adapt to environments, that we have professional settings that we don't, that we're they're choosing to show up in different ways to influence, to drive the outcomes that we're seeking, especially because my background is in working for fortune 500 companies, up to this point in org transformation and continuous improvement in finance, and so certainly there's times where we choose to demonstrate certain aspects of ourselves. But if we lose the authenticity of our identity, then we have to start wondering how did I get here?
Speaker 1:Understood. So how did your definition of the purpose evolve after losing everything that you thought you were supposed to have?
Speaker 2:Yeah, so early as young people, it seems like our life becomes a template, especially in different cultures and societies. And for me, my mom is an immigrant from Mexico and so it was definitely about the how do you come to a country, how do you make a mark for yourself as you have children it was definitely as a first generation child how do, how can I do better than my parents, how can I help support my parents even later as I'm successful. So there was a lot placed on us in a positive way. In a positive way, a group and a very loving home. Positive way in a positive way, a group and a very loving home. But the idea that you need to go and live that American dream or that we are encouraging you or helping you or supporting you so you can do better. So very early on, I think we become formed into this template of a life, of what defines success. What does our culture say success looks like? How do we need to achieve, even to show our value in the world? And I find this I've got three brothers. I find this particularly in observing what men face and, more recently, women how are you going to prove your value and your worth in this world and it's by accomplishment, often so for me.
Speaker 2:I had pursued that accomplishment. I had gone to college, I had landed a very successful career very quickly, followed the next template, which is getting married and having kids, went back for my MBA and by everything on paper, even very involved in my faith community, leading different ministry efforts, and everything on paper, like you said, at the beginning looked perfect. But there was definitely a lot of struggle taking place in that I was really searching for more of the meaning of this is all on paper looking really good, but everything is falling apart and it's hanging by a thread and I wasn't feeling that I was bringing my whole self into my relationships, that I wasn't being authentic, and eventually, you know the tension of that resulted in divorce and going through divorce. And then we find ourselves with many organizations these days where careers are not lasting forever, and after 20 years, the company that I'd been with straight out of college my team, finally all of my team got cut.
Speaker 2:So there I was with. You know, this is what defines success. Success was meant to be a successful businesswoman with a thriving family, being great at holding all of the balls in the air, and I think that's often the case. For a lot of us, that that's what success looks like, but most people don't know what's really happening on the inside right. And so when we start to feel that misalignment, when we start to feel kind of that loss of what's really happening inside of me, that's when it falls apart.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly so okay, and you know like a lot of men are taught that the purpose is found in success, career titles, paychecks and then being the provider. So, but we really talk about that? What happens when all that collapses? So your story is a reminder that purpose isn't a destination, it's an uncovering. So what do you have to say on this?
Speaker 2:Yeah. And so when it's defined by success, it can be easily taken from you, right. And when you define your value by these extrinsic factors, you feel a loss of a sense of self. When you lose your career, when you lose your marriage, you feel a loss of a sense of self when you lose your career, when you lose your marriage.
Speaker 2:And so, for me, I had to kind of come back into my faith and come back to the beginning, which was asking the question like where do I get my identity? What is it that I was born to do in this world besides have a successful career? And so, for me, I had the opportunity to look back into my life and to be able to see that. What are the patterns, what were the evidence of who I was, what I was particularly gifted at, what type of influence came naturally to me, what really drove my passion? And so, for me, it was about the opportunity to help transform organizations or help transform people, and so, even early on in my life, I had been a high school coach.
Speaker 2:So that was always something that brought me a lot of joy, and I think that's the interesting thing is that we lose our joy as we move into these templated lives, so be able to look back and it doesn't mean that we suddenly have to have a brand new path, but I think it has to be how do we separate career success from the identity of what brings us joy and where we feel like we're adding value? So for me, I've always felt like I've added a lot of value when I help my organization become better or when I help somebody that I'm coaching, whether that was a high school athlete or whether that's a person who reports to me, when I'm helping them become better. That's where I get joy. So part of my reflective journal is really to think about what are those sources that we derive? Satisfaction, joy, value that kind of fills us up, besides the external extrinsic performance-driven accomplishment rewards.
Speaker 1:So I mean, your journal is about pausing and reflecting, but let's be honest, like most guys don't pause. Yeah, I mean we are doers. So why is reflection so hard for men? I mean, what's at stake when we skip it?
Speaker 2:Right. So when I was designing this journal, I really did it in mind with both men and women. But you're right is that it seems like the natural audience that seems to be socially acceptable is women. But I'm finding that's changing. I've been talking to a lot of men and, you know, think like there might be a bus ride home, a car ride home. And men do have these thoughts. They do have opportunity to pause. It just might look different. And so one how is it becoming more socially acceptable for men to be able to articulate that need to pause, to reflect, to take stock of life and to have the opportunity to pursue really what brings them joy? And again, that doesn't mean that it's abandoning your career or your responsibilities, but it means where do you find that sense of natural fulfillment? Or what evens out that stress, what's going to balance out that performance-driven aspect of life? Because if we don't have that, men or women, we're going to burn out and we're going to crash.
Speaker 1:True. And so what's the small but powerful way a man can start integrating reflection without feeling like he's wasting time?
Speaker 2:feeling like he's wasting time. Well, yeah, I mean it's. It's those moments where you can, where you can pause. Like I said, it doesn't doesn't have to be on display, it doesn't have to be, um, the way that it might look for women, um, it's just taking the quiet moment to yourself, whether maybe it's um when you're getting up in the morning or when you're working out, or um, right before you're going to be going to bed or to sleep, like just taking a few moments and just pausing to think about what was really hard and stressful for me today. What did I hate? What took away from my energy, what robbed me of feeling like I had a sense of fulfillment or a sense of value? Because often those signals.
Speaker 2:I think that, especially when I think about how our own most intrinsic identity, our creator, our faith, is all around us and we're not listening. So when we see that there's something draining us, taking away our energy, it's something to be mindful of or be able to just pause for a minute and say, like this was something that I really found a sense of accomplishment in, and just asking the next question why Was it an external factor? Was it an intrinsic factor? Starting to become more aware of the intrinsic elements. Like I said, like for me it was.
Speaker 2:I love when I'm adding value to my organization. So, yes, maybe I had a fantastic presentation that went really well and everybody was giving me a lot of positive feedback about how successful that was. But what was the deeper element to that? So you can start being a whole person and doing more of the things and connecting more with the things that really give you that true sense of joy and purpose okay, so um, I mean also, like you say, that we are um each designed for something more than our daily emotion, daily emotions, basically so that's.
Speaker 1:That's really deep. I mean, um so for the guy who's stuck in routine paycheck, paycheck to paycheck and just surviving, so how does he even begin to believe that there's something more for him?
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm, well, I think it's. I'm beginning to notice how do you impact those around you. So maybe it's just in a conversation or an exchange with somebody, maybe it's you're buying something, you're picking up a coffee, maybe you're picking up a soda, and you're able to have an interaction with somebody, like just paying attention to the world around you and how it's reacting to you. But that is really hard because we're going from moment to moment. So it has to take intention. If we don't intentionally slow down to observe, you're right, we never will.
Speaker 2:So it actually is a bit of a practice, it's a bit of a discipline and it can start really small with just whenever you're in a situation where you're having a conversation with somebody or an exchange with somebody, notice the impact that you're having on them. Notice that how you interact with them matters. How you interact with the people at your job matters, how you interact with your friends matters. And it's far more subtle for men than it is for women, because we'll say it out loud, but I think it's meaningful for men in an unspoken way.
Speaker 1:Okay, yeah. So I mean, is purpose something that we discover or it's something that we remember? What do you say?
Speaker 2:I think it's something we remember, I think we're born with it, I think it's part of who we are as children and most freely at that point in time, and I feel like we begin to suppress it, back to that templated life. I think we begin to turn off the things that we remember brought us joy, that we were particularly skilled at, that we had a particular impact with people around us, and so I think it's remembering it, and I think that's why it takes reflection to see looking around us, what really filled us up, what called to our inner being, and how did circumstances just kind of weave together in such a way where it was not not a happenstance, and taking notice of that, so that we can begin to do more of those things that bring us fulfillment got it so like um, so that question right, there is everything.
Speaker 2:I personally have taken a lot of pride in being able to be successful in my career, good pride in being successful in my career and be able to give back to my family. That's meaningful to me. So I think it is more around. How can we notice that, how we're contributing to the people around us and how that is authentically and uniquely who we are? So there's, I think there's the small things of finding adding more into our life that brings us joy or is kind of part of our natural skill and talent that has a positive impact to others.
Speaker 2:But it doesn't mean a radical shift and it certainly doesn't mean that suddenly a person should feel like they've wasted their life because they've pursued a career.
Speaker 2:That's absolutely not true.
Speaker 2:There's so much that men are adding to the value of their family's lives, to their children's lives, to their parents' lives, to their society, to their culture, because of the work that they're doing.
Speaker 2:So I'm advocating for taking notice of that, but taking notice of it in a way that's not about the external performance-driven value, but to the sense of how you are uniquely adding to the world around you and getting more in tune with that authenticity, so that you don't feel that you're living in a mask or you don't feel like you're only the value of what you can give to somebody else. But truly, how are you connecting human to human? But that takes observation and it does take a moment to just pause and see in the little aspects. So, even if you can take a moment each day to say what did I do that added a positive impact to this world, or if you can reflect back and say this is what really brought me a sense of fulfillment today, you'll begin to see the patterns, because it is patterns. But if we don't pause, reflect and observe the patterns, we'll miss them.
Speaker 1:Exactly.
Speaker 2:So for some people it can be a radical change to say I'm living in a career, I'm living in a place where I don't feel that it's what I really have to bring inside of me to the world. But for most people our purpose is not necessarily our career. Our career is a wonderful, good, freeing thing that gives us the means to even explore our purpose. So I think it's not just suddenly throwing out your career or making an assumption that I'm not in my purpose. It's just becoming a bit more observant as to how you're showing up in your career, how you're showing up in your family, how you're showing up in the world. That is making you feel that you're in your authentic self of who you are and what you have to bring and give to the world.
Speaker 1:Lovely, that's amazing. Give to the world. Lovely, that's amazing. So, and also like, as a purpose coach, what's the one common lie you see men believing about themselves that keeps them stuck?
Speaker 2:It really is that their value comes from just what they can give to other people, or by what their accomplishment is, or by what their competitive aspect A lot of materialism too, as I see, particularly with men, because of the role that they have to provide and they want to give their family good things Right. Provide and they want to give their family good things right, uh. But I think that the value that a man brings is more than what he can provide and more than um the materials that he can give his family exactly amazing.
Speaker 1:Uh. So um, and also like um before we wrap, like where's our listeners can find you if they want to connect with you?
Speaker 2:sure, yeah, you can find me uh online at greenvinecoachingcom and on social media. Greenvine coaching or design for purpose book oh, that's amazing.
Speaker 1:So, tanya, thank you so much. You have dropped some c's truth today. I mean about the purpose, about pain and about the power of pausing. So, uh, for all the men who is listening, if you have ever felt like you are just going through the motions, this is your wake-up call. So you are not here to grind, survive or perform. You are designed for the purpose, crafted intentionally by a creator who knows every inch of your story, so even the parts you want to hide. So take the time, reflect, be still, pick up Tanya's journal Design for Purpose and give yourself permission to start that journey back. So, not just to god, but to you. So remember, authenticity isn't the weakness, it's the warrior walk, and this is mind over masculinity for you, and I'm your host, alix, signing off from mind over masculinity. Till then, be happy, stay strong, stay real and never stop seeking your truth. So till then, thank you so much.
