Mind Over Masculinity
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Mind Over Masculinity
Breakthrough Formula: Transform Your Mess into Your Message
Rob Wentz believes there's a formula for breakthrough—and he's living proof it works. After years of addiction, self-sabotage, and feeling utterly stuck in a painful divorce, Rob discovered a system that transformed his life and launched him into his purpose as founder of the Unstuck Movement.
The VITALS system Rob shares wasn't developed in a laboratory or classroom but forged in the crucible of real-life struggle. Vision, Impact, Technology, Action, Leadership, and Service—these six elements form the backbone of a breakthrough methodology that can pull anyone out of their personal mud when life feels like a nonstop mess.
Rob's vulnerability shines through as he reveals the moment everything changed. "I had been praying and meditating night after night," he explains, describing how the concept of the Unstuck Movement came to him not just as a platform for others, but as the personal movement he needed to escape his own stagnation. His powerful insight—"If you're going through hell, just keep going"—reminds us that stopping in our pain only prolongs it.
Perhaps most compelling is Rob's message about our messes becoming our message. The painful experiences we endure aren't meaningless torture but preparation for helping others navigate similar challenges. As Rob puts it, "You would not be going through something really difficult if there wasn't something amazing on the other side of it. Every breakdown comes before a massive breakthrough."
Whether you're struggling with self-doubt, battling burnout, or simply trying to figure out what the hell you're doing with your life, this episode delivers practical wisdom for turning catastrophe into gift. Listen, reflect, and discover how to rewrite your inner script—because as Rob demonstrates, your breakthrough isn't something you wait for; it's something you build.
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Hey everyone and the legends who love this show, welcome back to another soul-shifting episode of mind over masculinity. I'm your host, avik, and today, oh man, today, we are about to break something wide open. So before we do that, dear listeners, have you ever wondered like is there a formula to find a breakthrough? Like, is there actually a blueprint to pulling yourself out of the mud when life feels like a nonstop mess? Do let me know, dear listeners, what you think, even if you have thought something like this on our podcast platforms or on our social media platforms. We'd love to listen to your perspectives and views. And well, if anyone knows the answer, it's our guest today. Yes, rob Wentz. So welcome to the show, rob.
Speaker 2:Thank you very much, avik. Great to be here, as always, great to be talking to you. Hope you're doing well.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, fine, lovely. So, Rob, like before we start, I'll quickly love to introduce you to all of our listeners. Dear listeners, rob is the founder of the Unstuck Movement, a bestselling author, a dynamic speaker, a strategist and an award-winning radio personality. But what makes Rob's voice stand out isn't just the credentials, it's the comeback behind them. Yeah, so he's a man who's gone from addiction and self-sabotage to mentoring thousands into breakthroughs, helping people take their catastrophes and turn them into the gifts. So buckle up, whether you are trying to lead better, love harder and or just figure out what the hell you are doing in your life. So this one's for you. So, rob, welcome to the show, welcome to Mind Over Mask AD.
Speaker 2:Great to be here, excited to talk about this, excited to share some life experiences that hopefully are helpful to others out there, help them find some breakthroughs.
Speaker 1:Amazing, amazing. So, rob, like the big one, is there a formula to find the breakthroughs in any situation? What is it?
Speaker 2:so when I was like going through and I think we all hit plateaus in life, we all need breakthroughs, we all get stuck, and this happens various times in our life uh, and for me there was a significant one that occurred a couple of years ago that I was going through a longstanding separation and divorce from my ex-wife. I was really stuck for a long time, and when I say a long time, you know several years. And so when I came out of all of that, now that I'm on the other side of it, I was just kind of looking back at like what changed that caused me to get unstuck? What did I do, knowingly or unknowingly, that got me out of the place that I was at? And some things popped up that were vital to me getting unstuck and having that breakthrough. I called it the vitals system right Because the word vitals. When you go to the doctor, they check your vitals, you know, to see how you're doing, to see how your body's operating, because there's vital parts of you that need to be operating, you know, at a functional level for you to be okay, for you to be healthy. And so, as I became unstuck and I found a breakthrough, I found these vitals were an acronym of things that I used implemented into my life that caused major breakthrough. Do you mind if I walk through the six vitals? Sure, please. So the first one is V vision.
Speaker 2:Having a vision for what you want in your life or your business. That could be health-wise relationships, spiritually, whatever it might be. You need a vision and the vision has to be really clear for you. And this is really the cornerstone of all of this, because without a vision, you don't know which direction you're heading in. You can't head in a direction without knowing what the outcome is. And to know what the outcome is, then you can reverse, engineer how you want to get to that place. And the cool thing about our minds is, if we set our minds on an intention, our mind is constantly looking for that intention and helping us unconsciously move towards it. We probably have all well, maybe not all of us, but a lot of us have heard of the reticular activating system. When you're deciding to buy a new car, you start seeing that car everywhere. There's been a company recently that I want to work for. I'm seeing that company everywhere. I didn't see them before, but now I'm seeing them everywhere because my mind is on wanting to work with them, and so this reticular activating system will start to point us in the direction we want to go. So if you don't have a clear vision, the clearer the vision, the more your mind can help you get there. That's huge. That's a gigantic place to want to be.
Speaker 2:The next part of that is I impact, the vital system, the I part. The impact is so important because we all should want to make an impact in the world and in people's lives and in our own life, and the best way I think of impact is, when you say a word, somebody's name might pop up in your head, like when you say leadership, I think John Maxwell, you know. When you say action, I think, like Tony Robbins, or maybe Elon Musk, somebody who takes action. When I think boldness, I might think Donald Trump, because whether you like him or not, that guy's bold. So what word is associated with you? And if you have a word associated with you, that's the impact that you're making in the world and what you do. So it's really, really important.
Speaker 2:The T stands for technology. Now, technology is something we can't avoid, and technology can mean many different things, but I look at technology as a very, very important part of this puzzle because, especially in the world we're living in right now, technology is using a lot of us. We're not using it, and so, avik right now, with what you do right here, this podcast, right, you're using technology to your advantage. How, how do you use technology to your advantage, not let it run your life? And that is a huge component. Maybe, you know, 50 years ago that might not not have been a bigger deal, but right now, it's probably the most important thing to pay attention to from a day to day. How am I using my phone, smartphones, the internet, ai to benefit me, not to distract me or make me scared or whatever? The A is action. Action is everything, activities and action. What are the activities that I'm involved in? What are the actions that I'm taking on a daily basis? Because life is all about the slight edge, and that slight edge means you're either moving forward or you're falling backward. There's no standing still, so the actions that you take will take you in one of those directions.
Speaker 2:The L is for leadership. When I was young young I did not want to be a leader. I did. The last thing I wanted to be was a leader. I didn't want to be in charge of any things. That meant that I was kind of like on the line and I thought that was a bad thing. The older I get, I realized I wasn't a leader throughout my life. So life steered me in the directions that it took me, and I didn't like a lot of those directions, but I wasn't making the decisions. I was handing over the responsibility to somebody or something else. So being a leader of your own life is essential, and that is the vital.
Speaker 2:But the S for the vitals, the S is just as important as the vision. The S service, because service is everything. How am I being of service to people in my vision? How am I being of service to people with the impact that I'm making? How am I being of service to people through the technology that I'm using? How am I being of service in the action that I'm taking? And how am I being of service by being a leader?
Speaker 2:Because you don't want to be a leader that's like a manager or a boss at work that just tells everybody what to do. You want to be a servant leader who, it's, a, watch what I'm doing, because I will do the things that I would not do, anything that I wouldn't also expect other people to do. I'm going to be of service to other people. So those six things for me, as I was getting unstuck, I was like, wow, those six things made a gigantic impact on my life because they got me unstuck, they gave me a great vision, they taught me that I got to get out of my own head and help other people. They taught me that I got to take action. I need to be in control of my life. I got to be making my own decisions and I've got to let social media digital anything, digital any sort of content. I have to be in control of it and not let it be running me. True.
Speaker 1:Exactly, ah, so um I mean, um. If I ever have to say that, um was I mean. What was your breakthrough moment that made you say enough is enough?
Speaker 2:It's a good question, breakthrough moment because, you know, breakthroughs are like thousands of little things building up to one big thing. But I think my breakthrough moment really came when I launched my unstuck movement podcast. Uh, I had gone into the world of coaching, uh, leadership coaching, communication, coaching, business coaching but I still felt stuck. And I had been, you know, praying and meditating night after night. I'd spend like the last two hours of my night just like what I know I'm supposed to be doing something, last two hours of my night, just like I know I'm supposed to be doing something. What is that thing? And for most of my life I was a radio DJ. So for 20 years of my life, radio broadcasting was my thing and I wasn't doing any sort of broadcasting whatsoever at this point in time and I was stuck. And so I got this word one night of the unstuck movement, and it was more. It was as much for me as it was for like a platform or for other people, but that was like the unstuck movement, okay. So if you're stuck and you want to get unstuck, you have to have movement. Right, that's the action part of this, and the movement you take should be of service to other people and I was like the unstuck movement, that's exactly what I need. Is that movement to get me out of this place? And what do I need to do with that? I need to tell stories of other people who have gotten unstuck and build relationships with those people and have a platform that I lead that brings incredible people to me so I can help tell their stories, which will inspire other people. Avik, I mean, you know this is what you do also, right? So podcasting is incredible because you bring amazing people to your platform, have them tell your story, then you build a relationship and, number one the forms of income you can grow out of that are huge, but the relationships you build out of that, the connections, the networking, the reach and visibility that comes out of that, is huge. So, if I look back, that was and that was probably about two and a half years ago that I started the unstuck movement and since I did that, I've noticed things grow rapidly and I would say number one it's because that's one of my giftings broadcasting communication, that's one of my giftings.
Speaker 2:We all have our own unique giftings and if you are not working out of your giftings, you probably feel stuck, you probably feel unfulfilled and you probably feel that are like kind of just natural to you, and a lot of the times we we kind of write these things off. We tend to focus on the things we're not good at and not focus on the things that we are good at. And I heard John Maxwell say before you know, if I focus on a weakness, I might be a three in that weakness, and if I work really hard at it, I might be a three in that weakness, and if I work really hard at it, maybe I can get to like a five or a six. But if I'm a seven or an eight at something, naturally if I work really hard at that, I can be a 10. I can be the best at that thing. So why not focus on your giftings, your strengths and double down on those things?
Speaker 2:So for me it was doubling down on my gifts and my strengths and then creating a platform to make my message. I had been stuck, I had been in a place of just a place of disappointment, a place of being lost and confused, unhappy, unfulfilled, unconfident, right, and so, as I stepped into this new part of me, or a part of me that I already knew existed, I just found it again and used it in a new way. I started seeing these breakthroughs happen again and again and again. And so that was it for me, launching the Unstuck Movement, that platform, that podcast, but also it was launching a new mindset for myself. Amazing, that's really amazing. So you know, launching a new mindset for myself.
Speaker 1:Amazing, that's really amazing. So you know that a lot of our listeners are stuck in these cycles self-doubt, burnout, shame and they keep waiting for that perfect moment. But what I'm hearing from you is that you build that moment.
Speaker 2:That's really powerful hearing from you is that you build that moment. That's really powerful. Well, yeah, I mean, you can't. If you wait around for something to happen, you might. That that's like.
Speaker 2:That's like not being the leader of your own life. I could wait for somebody else to bring something to me for a breakthrough, but then, if they do it's, it's not going to be my thing, it's going to be more somebody else's thing that I'm just tagging along with. If, if I build the breakthrough, if I take a lead on my own life, and that's going to be massive for me, and then you can bring people along with you, right? So I view that as like the right way of doing it taking charge of your own life and I encourage other people to do that too. It doesn't mean it has to be your business, but it should be something. It has to be something that is a gifting of yours and it also is of service to people, and it also it needs to be a win-win-win right. You've got to win, the other person needs to win, and it also benefits society as a whole.
Speaker 1:Yeah, exactly, amazing. So also, when did you realize that your pain had a purpose and how did you know that people would listen to that?
Speaker 2:well, you know there's. Everybody goes through stuff in their life. What would be the reason we would have to go through? So I'm a? I'm a person of faith, right? Somebody who doesn't believe that there's any purpose to life might have a heart of harder time believing there's a purpose behind their pain. But if you feel there's no purpose behind your pain, then, man, your life is gonna, your life's going to, your life's really hard and it's empty and it's hollow. At least that's how I used to be. I didn't think there was a purpose to why I was suffering. Uh, and that made life really hard. But if I turned that, when I turned that around and I knew that everything is being worked for good, everything is being worked for good, then anything I've gone through that has been painful. I'm supposed to get through it, learn from it and then show other people how to get through it.
Speaker 2:I always use a simple way of saying. It is making your mess your message. The mess that you go through becomes a message that you help other people with. And if you can start to look at your mess like that, it gives you more motivation to get through it, because now I want to help somebody else do it. And if you know the mess is a message, then you know okay, well, somebody else has gotten through this mess. How do I find a mentor or positive people in my life who have pulled through this thing? Because now we're using this as leverage. Now you're building relationships that are number one uh, building your connections, meeting great people in your life, but you're also getting through really difficult things. And so how did I realize? Uh, you know. And so how did I realize? You know? Through this process I was like, well, I love the expression if you're going through hell, just keep going. Because if you're going through hell, why would you stop in hell and just sit there and burn right? If you're going through hell, if you're going through something really difficult, you have to keep going, because just stopping is going to just, it's going to wreak havoc not only on your life, but everybody who's around you is going to feel the pain of that. So keep going and turn that mess into a message. You would not be going through something really difficult if there wasn't something amazing on the other side of it.
Speaker 2:Every breakdown comes before a massive breakthrough. So if you are experiencing a breakdown, you've got to believe there's a vision You've got to believe there's a breakthrough that's coming, that is going to use this breakdown as fuel for the breakthrough, so you can look back at that thing and be like boy, that was hard, but look where I am now, because that's where. Why would you not want to be there? Who would not want to be there? So keep going through it.
Speaker 2:And that might sound way too simple, and sometimes that is that's too simple to say, but like that's it, man. Why? Why deal with being stuck in this place? Do everything you can to get out of that spot so you can help other people and you can have a mission and it'll turn your life around. Anybody who's going through anything rough you know I can't speak for everybody's situation, but I've gone through some hard things and when I've gotten through them and I can look back on the other side, I'm like thank God I went through that because I'm so much stronger for it, I'm so much wiser for it and I can use it in so many different ways.
Speaker 1:Exactly, exactly, true, yeah. So I mean also, like, for anyone who is listening, your story matters, and even if you're still in the messy middle, someone needs to hear it. So let rob be the proof, so their listeners do do, uh, think about it, yes and um, also, here's a curveball. Uh, rob like was there a? Dream I mean literal or maybe metaphorical that changed your life direction, if you can share.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I had a dream back in 2021.
Speaker 1:Oh.
Speaker 2:And it was a really wild dream. It meant so much to me. So I was my grandma. My grandmother had passed away at the time. But in this dream I'm driving with her in a car and she was driving. She never really drove, so it was weird that she was driving and she was like holding my hand in the car and I looked down. I remember looking down and looking at my hand and I had this little kid's hand, like I was like a little kid, I was like a four year old, and she leans over and hugs me while we're driving and I said, graham, you know, watch out, you're gonna wreck the car, watch out where you're going. And she said, don't worry about where we're going, just love me, okay. And that was such a so.
Speaker 2:Just in that, so in the dream, I start crying. I woke up from that dream. I don't think anybody's ever had a cry like this, but it was like uncontrollable sobbing. I mean I'm just, I can't stop crying Middle of the night. I wake up, I'm just bawling my eyes out and I started like just taking notes, you know, about what was going on.
Speaker 2:I had a notebook by my bed and the message was I mean straight from straight from God, because the tenets of God are love God, love people, don't worry about where you're going. Literally, it says in the Bible not to worry. You can't add an inch to your height, so why worry about anything? Why are we worrying in life? It doesn't do you any good, it does no benefit to you whatsoever. That dream, I use it to this day, all the time, because I'm supposed to be, we're supposed to be, loving people, including ourselves. And the dream, that dream had such a significant impact on me because it really, it was so real and it was so powerful and the message was so clear. I need to stop worrying so much about where I'm going, how I'm going to get there.
Speaker 2:Why am I not there yet? I want this amount of money. Why don't I have it? I want this lifestyle. Why don't I have it yet? And just being grateful every day for where I am, because it really is just a complete blessing that we're alive, that we have the gratitude of that right, of the things we have in our life that are just amazing. I mean, we're on this podcast right now. I don't know how this microphone works, I don't know how my computer works, I don't know how my mouth and my voice work. I don't. I don't know how anything works and I didn't build any of it. I may have purchased it, but I don't even know how the money was made that I purchased it with. Like the whole thing is like I didn't do anything to cause any of this, yet I can use all of it. It's all a blessing. So and that and that bleeds into people like I. You have no idea what other people are going through.
Speaker 2:You've you've no idea how impactful just smiling at somebody can be or sharing a positive message with somebody can be, or just you know in a positive message with somebody can be, or just you know in a situation where you'd normally be irritated driving right, I get irritated driving every day. So I really practice, when I'm driving, staying calm and being present in just the fact that everybody on this road is just going somewhere. I don't need to be at war with all of them because I need to get somewhere too. It's just little things like that and just loving people, just accepting people for who they are and appreciating them for who they are and finding the good in all of that. And that not saying I'm perfect at it, because I fail at it constantly, but when I get it right it is like holy cow. This is those days or those times when I get it right. Things are so good.
Speaker 2:And that dream, just that dream kind of like branding, like when they would brand a cow with like an insignia. The owners would brand the cow. That dream kind of branded that message onto my heart of like remember, don't be so worried about where you're going, just love people while you're doing your thing and it's all going to work out, and I have to repeat that message over and over and over again because you can lose sight of it really easily true, exactly, wow.
Speaker 1:So, um and uh, rob, like, uh, uh, you shared some insights today, from communication to the leadership, to the purpose, but, uh, let, let let's land this into the bold and real I mean. What does it mean to be be yourself, I mean, in a world that is constantly trying to make you, in some, into someone else? So what do you like to say?
Speaker 2:yeah I mean for a long time I didn't really know who I was. I was not sure, I don't know. There's like a version inside of me that I didn't know how to get out. I didn't know how to be me, and we all should desire to want to be ourselves, especially if you're a people pleaser, then you've probably experienced this, where you sacrifice your one's desires or what you know is right because you want to please somebody else, and it can be a really unhealthy trait to get yourself into.
Speaker 2:It can be a real disaster when you go down that path, and I found that this bold art of being myself came from knowing how to communicate effectively, and a lot of us, we really struggle with communicating effectively, communicating what we want. So I called this the six attitudes of brilliant communicators, and this helps you to be yourself. This is something that I've used for me to be myself. Number one you've got to be bold. So it's not saying you have to insult people or blow through people or be harsh, but if you know this is the right thing to say, the right thing to do, then be bold and do it.
Speaker 2:You got to be fresh in your communication. So being fresh, you know the world. We often communicate like nobody. We don't listen to what somebody else says, we just say what we're thinking and we feel what we're saying is the most important. Fresh communication is actually listening to people, asking questions and being genuinely curious to learn about people, because you learn so much when you listen.
Speaker 2:To be pliable, so to being a people pleaser you'd bend till you broke, right. So that's what I would do. I'd bend myself until I broke and I wasn't even me anymore. I was just being whoever somebody else wanted me to be or who I thought they needed me to be. But I like to think of it like leather. Good leather is really bendable, really pliable, but it doesn't break. So no matter how much I try to help somebody and relate to them, I never lose myself, and that's a constant practice, but a really important one.
Speaker 2:Being precise is another one. We know so many people who talk in circles. They'll talk forever Very long-winded, right. Short story, long kind of thing, and it's very important to be precise in how you communicate because you want to be able to the best communicators can communicate intricate and confusing, difficult topics in really simple ways. And then being confident. So being confident is so huge. And how? How can you be confident in your communication? Well, you have to number one, communicate a lot. That's one of the biggest things you've got to. You've got to talk a lot and you've got to know what you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Confidence comes from knowing that you know, Not like I'm going to quote, unquote, fake it until I make it. I think we all have to kind of fake it a little bit as we're going along in the process, but at the same time, if you want to get somewhere, why not put the work in to get there as fast as possible? It's like the 10,000 hours right, or the 10 years Get to that mastery level. And so I think of this if we are going back to our gifts, if I'm working on getting better at my gifts, I'm going to be more confident. If I'm constantly working on making my weaknesses better, I'm not going to be more confident. If I'm constantly working on making my weaknesses better, I'm not going to be as confident. But if I work and live out of my giftings, I'm going to be confident. Now, of course, there's going to be things that I'm not great at, but I'm not going to be as insecure because they are not my focus. Those things will improve as I grow towards my vision and people will come up beside me and alongside me to help me and assist me. Who their gifting might be numbers, math, accounting that's not my gifting.
Speaker 2:That's when I put myself in that place I'm a mess. But when I put myself in a place of communicating, visioning for people, process, procedure, man, that's, that's where I excel. I love doing that and that makes me feel confident and then be remarkable. So the sixth attitude of brilliant communication being remarkable and remarkable communicators. It's straight out of Dale Carnegie's how to Win Friends and Influence People. It's being genuinely interested in other people. When you're genuinely interested in other people, you will be remarkable to other people, because that is not what most people do, and so for me that was like those six things learning how to communicate really well taught me how to be myself, so I no longer had to kind of like hide behind a facade because I I now know how to communicate, who I am and what I want, and that gives you a lot of power.
Speaker 1:Exactly Amazing, amazing, amazing. So, to everyone who is listening, dear listeners, maybe you are in the middle of your mess right now, or maybe you are broken promises to yourself, felt like you are falling behind or questioned if you are even worth the comeback. So here's a reminder yes, you are, and, like Rob said, there's a message buried in your chaos and someone's waiting on the other side of your breakthrough. Yeah so. So, dear listeners, pause, reflect and then rewrite your inner script. So, and then share this episode with a brother who needs it and leave a review. And, as always, stay curious, stay courageous and stay connected. So this is your host avik, signing off from mind over masculinity until next time, reminding you that it's not being the toughest guy in the room, it's all about being the most authentic one. So, with this hope, stay happy, stay healthy. Thank you so much.
