Dragon's Gold: The Magic of Mindset

The "You First" Method: Angie Mays on Curing Depression and Self-Doubt

• Justin Mills • Season 1 • Episode 55

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For 25 years, Angie Mays lived in the cycle of severe depression, relying on increased medication, and sacrificing herself to constant burnout and narcissistic relationships. 

She learned the hard way that the only path to true self-mastery wasn't a pill—it was mastering her mindset and learning to put herself first.

In this incredibly human and values-driven conversation, Angie walks us through her darkest hour, detailing the physical and emotional exhaustion caused by overworking and suppressing her feelings with alcohol. 

She explains the profound realization that her thoughts were creating her reality (CBT), the shift from reacting to responding, and why practicing mindset is like going to the gym—requiring constant, inner work. 

This raw episode is dedicated to anyone tired of the endless grind who is ready to cancel the negative thoughts, find their inner strength, and build a life of alignment and joy.

Key Takeaways (What You'll Hear):

• How reaching the highest dose of medication forced Angie to look for a non-chemical cure for her depression.

• The psychological tools (CBT) she used to break the cycle of negative thoughts, feelings, and actions.

• Why constantly saying "yes" to 12-hour shifts and forgiving abusive partners showed a complete lack of self-worth.

• The life-changing mindset shift from reacting to responding, which helps her handle stress without reverting to shouting or tantrums.

• Why putting your children first can still lead to exhaustion and burnout if you don't first put on your own "oxygen mask".

• The importance of treating mindset like exercise in the gym—requiring constant, small efforts to keep your mind fit.

• Why her life changed completely once she committed to her "You First" method, even attracting a partner who mirrors that self-respect.

Tools & Weapons:

• Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): The foundational framework for understanding how thoughts lead to feelings, which dictate actions.

• The Mindset Muscle: The analogy that working on your inner mindset is like going to the gym—it requires constant, repetitive inner work, even when you don't see immediate results.

• Respond vs. React: Learning to pause and evaluate a situation instead of shouting or having a tantrum when a problem arises.

• Gratitude & Positive Energy: Recognizing that where energy goes, energy flows, and choosing positivity eliminates the "heavy" feeling that negativity creates.

• Find Your Phoenix: The idea of recognizing your own power to be reborn and empowered through self-mastery.

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About Gold Dragon Investments:

At Gold Dragon Investments, our mission is to bring joy to others by helping them win the game of investing. Helping every client become the hero of their financial journey. We believe that wealth is a tool, but joy is the ultimate outcome.

Through meaningful partnerships, we strive to empower our investors to create freedom, and build lasting legacies of purpose, fulfillment, and wealth.

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Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to another episode of Dragon's Gold, the magic of mindset. Today we have the pleasure of having Angie Mays, mindset coach and you first expert. Angie, welcome to the show. Thank you so much for having me, Justin. Absolutely, well it's a pleasure to have you and I'd love to dive right in. As I like to do, let's share the origin story. Where did it all begin for Angie Mays? Well, it all began when I had some, I had a mental health challenge throughout my life from a teenager. It was an ongoing battle, up and down, 25 years of challenges. And what really opened my eyes and changed it for me was when I went back to the doctor because I was up and down on my medication all the time, my antidepressants. And I actually got to the highest dose and I was thinking to myself, I'm at the highest dose, where do I go from here? So it, you know, the doctors kind of just not palm you off, but they kind of give you like, you know, you, do this, you go away and you'll be okay. And I wasn't, I wasn't okay. So I went back to the doctors and I said, look, this isn't working and I don't know what else to do. So they recommended me doing a cognitive behavior therapy, CBT course. So. That is when things started to turn really. And I started to look at life completely differently. And I, you know, I owe my life to that course because it changed everything for me. And I started understanding why I had depression, what, you know, how I was letting my negative thinking cycle take control. We all have negative thoughts, but we, if we don't stop them, and not listen to that story. So basically, the thoughts in our head are creating a story for us and we believe them. And half the time, they're not even true. It's like the things we say, I'm fat, I'm ugly, I'm worthless, and all these things that come in our head every day, we choose to believe them. And then that makes us feel like our thoughts make us feel bad. And then we act bad or we don't do anything. So this was like a big life-changing awakening I would say for me because I didn't know the power I had to my thoughts and my what was control in my life. So yeah, that is a massive, massive thing. If you've never heard of it, it basically means that what you're thinking affects how you feel and how you behave until you look at it and start watching your words as they come out and the things you're telling yourself. If you don't say to yourself, is this real? Is there any evidence of it? You start believing it and it's insane. It's amazing what you create your own reality, right? love the thoughts lead to feelings lead to actions, right? And it all starts in here. And I'm curious oh on that and through that evolution along the way, we call it running the gauntlet. I'm certain to come to that realization and to get to that, it was a bumpy road. I'm curious, what are some of the trials or tribulations that you had to overcome on your path? How long have you got? So um basically it was a lack of self-worth. Most women I speak to have this, not feeling good enough and you're always trying to prove yourself. So I overworked myself in every job, working six day weeks, 12 hour shifts. saying yes to my boss when I could barely move and I'm in agony and I'm exhausted and my body aches and I'm waking up in the night in pain struggling to get to sleep in the first place but when I do get sleep I'm then waking up in pain and I'm still saying to my boss the next day yes I'll do overtime so it was very much I lived my life putting everybody else first apart from me and I actually was completely blind to it all I didn't even realise how much I was making these decisions and just basically self-destruction. Things like narcissistic relationships, they'd cheat on me and lie on me and you know emotional and physical abuse and I would just forgive them because they told me they loved me and I liked the validation and I wasn't putting myself first so it was destroying my whole life, like literally everything you could think of. There's so many things that I could say that happened to me and I was choosing alcohol. rather than face my feelings, there's just a million and one different things because I didn't, nobody teaches you at school how to think, how to feel, how to act and how that pattern controls your life. So I was just blind to it all really. And it impacted everything I did, every area of my life, relationships, jobs, know, health, wasn't, I was just binge eating. Every single area was affected. Hmm. When you realized Angie that you were going down this path that didn't feel right and you went to with and the doctors giving medication to try and help to combat the depression and using ultimately drugs, whether it's a stimulant that's legal or not. the idea is just that we so commonly try to mask the issue or soften the pain or hide it instead of trying to fix it at the root, right? And ultimately it sounds like on your journey, that's what you found. But in the process of that, in the medications and the doctors, et cetera, Yeah, they did. I had different types of medication and it would seem like it was working for a little bit and then something would set me back off again. But I was very much suppressing all my feelings. I didn't really understand that that was causing me more anxiety and depression. You know, I didn't know about expressing things in a healthy way. And yeah, you know, the more depressed you are and the more you feel like crap, you think, right, well, you know, I'll... I'll get a bottle of wine tonight and before you know it you've had two bottles of wine and you're just trying to run away and escape everything all the time and it's just really unhealthy because you don't know how to be happy and you're kind of like just clutching at straws. It compounds the problem too, right? Not only do you not correct the issue itself You're you're only hiding it which makes it worse And as you say before it affects every other piece in your life, right? Whether you see it or not it was ripples come off through your actions deeds and not always the things that you do but the things that you don't do the commitments that you don't keep the things that you Say you will but don't or just choose not to because you think you can't because you're such a dark place or you feel so poorly and that That's a real thing that impacts so many people. It's incredibly hard to try and clear those clouds and rise up. And commonly we don't do it alone. There are people oftentimes along the journey that help us. And I'm curious in your journey and evolution, is there anyone that you might cite in your fellowship? um I would say, um I mean really as being a mum, the greatest guidance you'll ever have is your child. So you're always trying to, it can go both ways really. You're always trying to be that perfect mum. in, you know, My daughter stopped me from wanting to drink alcohol and face my problems, but then I realised that when I did have a problem that I couldn't deal with it. I didn't know how to deal with problems and I would literally almost be having toddler tantrums or teenager tantrums. A problem would come to me and I'd react rather than respond and I'd be like shouting and crying and then I'd calm down and then I'd have to deal with it afterwards. it kind of opened my eyes to that as well but also at the same time as being a mum and wanting to be the best mum I also learned to put myself second again in a different situation and try to live my life being the best mum and realise that was exhausting me as well so although she was my biggest strength it also took me a little bit further on the journey to realise that actually just putting her first isn't going to work either so it There was a few awakenings really. Hmm. You make me think about the idea on, it sounds strange, but on a plane, right? The oxygen mask falls and you have to put your work on first before the child. Right? You have to take care of yourself so you're capable to help others. Right? Yeah. I think that. as a mum you think, I put my daughter first all the time and then, you know, I'll be happy, they'll be happy. But then I realised I you know, I had a husband, I had a house, I had a child and a family and I almost felt guilty for not being happy and, you know, being depressed. And I knew that, you know, I thought I wasn't normal. I actually thought I wasn't normal and that was, I would never be normal. So, My awakening and having the CBT and doing this mindset stuff is just because I know everybody can be happy because I've, you know, I've cured mine basically. And I didn't know that. I didn't know that there was a magic cure. I didn't know there was a different way of being. And this is why I like to work with women and it's, you know, people now because people need to know that there is another way. I think this is pivotal and I want to clarify something, Are you still taking the medications that the doctors have prescribed to you? No, 100 % not. that's exactly what I want to emphasize in that regarding what we're about. Right. Because so many people think that the magic's inside this bottle, whatever that bottle may be. And the idea itself is when you taking the steps that you did on your journey and learning about CBT and cognitive behavior therapy and understanding uh how much you control you, right. The entire dynamic shifts. And so instead of having this outside stimulant that was, you found the way to correct it and help yourself inside. 100 % and not only that, I don't even see myself as having mental health problems anymore because I'm working so much with myself that like if I got overwhelmed, I know what's tools to do to stop me getting to the, you know, the stressed out stage and losing my, you know, reacting and shouting over stupid stuff. Cause a lot of the mums I work with in women, they're shouting and losing, you know, losing themselves because they're not giving giving themselves what they need. So, and then they're crying and feeling guilty after they've done it because they know it's not them. So it's very much about listening to your body and how you talk to yourself. And I say to all of my clients, what would your best friend say to you today? And they'll come up with this, oh, you're, kind, I'm beautiful, I'm strong, I can do this. And I'm like, right, why can't you say that to yourself? And I say to them, if you have a problem or you have a situation, get out of your head and ask your best friend what she would say. Because we're so emotionally clouded with our decisions that we do for ourself that we can't think logically. it's just about being kind to yourself, listening to your body, not pushing through when you're exhausted, just giving yourself a five minute break. It's not going sit outside. meditate for an hour every day, it can take five minutes to just clear that or even a couple of minutes and it's so powerful but we don't listen to our bodies we'd rather say oh I'm stressed let's go and get drunk and I know that feeling I've been there many times but if you don't face your feelings and deal with them they're still going to stay there stored and that's where the trauma comes from So good and accurate. I think that this episode, think your commentary here is your experiences that you're sharing with our guests are really going to ring for so many people. so I just want to say thank you to you now on behalf of anyone listening to this and hearing this and learning from this. It's appreciated. Oh, thank you. You're welcome. All right, well, we call this the darkest hour, is there a moment that you might cite as one of your most difficult times, and how did you get through it? Yeah, I guess so. I think the time that I really, really struggled is when I had a narcissistic relationship and he just wore me down, completely wore me down. mean, he cheated all the time. He had naked pictures of girls sent to him and all these things. And he lied all the time. I opened the cupboard one night and I found some steroid injections that he'd been doing. He wanted to be a bodybuilder, but and all this stuff and it was just lie after lie after lie. And that was like the final moment that I kicked him out and decided that I had to start putting myself first because it was just, there was no respect for myself. If I'm honest, like you just sort of take any bit of love and any, you know, you forgive them, you think that they love you because they say you do and all these things. And that was kind of a turning point for me because I used to say to myself, I always attract narcissistic partners, people that, you know, cheat on me, whine me, whine me. I was very much in victim mode. And if you haven't heard it before, it's where you just think life's happening to you and you have no control of what's happening. But actually when you get your awakening, you realize actually I was making these decisions. I was allowing that to happen to me. And I'm very much at that stage now where I can see that I was allowing these people to treat me like that because I didn't have self-love or feel good enough. I didn't have the love that I wanted. So I just took these breadcrumbs and I kind of held on to them. So that was a very trying time for me. And it also made me like, literally I was at my lowest and the abuse after he left was worse than when we were together. I just kept getting messages all the time. you know, saying this and the other, I'm not, you know, and it made me feel like I wasn't good enough. I wasn't pretty enough because he literally just jumped straight from me to someone else. So narcissists, abusive guys have people like lined up waiting because they can't be on their own. for me to just be sat there with my feelings again, crying, feeling like a failure, not pretty enough, not good enough. Why not me and all this? It was awful. It was actually awful. And um I just wanted it all to stop. I just wanted to stop thinking. I couldn't control it anymore. And I did get to a point where I actually phoned up uh an ambulance and just wanted them to take me away. So it was quite horrible. And the police came and they spoke to me and I waited for hours and hours and I just wanted them to stop my thoughts. I just couldn't control it any longer. But when I waited another couple of hours and the ambulance didn't come, which I think is a blessing in disguise really, but I woke up in the morning and I was like, wow, I can't do this anymore. Like I literally can't keep putting people before myself. It was just such a traumatic time. Like breakups are the worst as it is anyway, but just... You know, I didn't have the strength still to block him. was just listening to it and I was just, you know, traumatizing myself more and more. And I know from that experience that I can just block and delete straight away now because I am putting myself first in just millions of different ways, which I coach my clients on. It doesn't have to be something so big, it can be something little, like just saying no to your friend that you don't want to go out that night, you know, there's so many ways of putting yourself first. It doesn't have to be as traumatic as that. I think you have hit so many points that are incredibly valuable. Of course, it's your story and I'm so sorry that you had to go through that experience. I'm always wanna try and find the silver lining and when you talk about the fact that you're scrambling for bread crumbs and in my mind, I hear like you learned how to bake the bread. Right? You figured out the recipe. Like, I don't need someone else. I can do this for me. And when you find that inner strength and you do it for you and you recognize that you are enough, right? There's a book by Jamie Kern Lima called Worthy. And I think that that's, I just, I mentioned this because you made me think of it. I think it's so true, right? Like you are worthy. so common we think we're not, or we allow someone else's commentary, someone else's opinion to impact what we think of ourselves. The reality is the only person you have to prove yourself to is you, right? And being true to yourself, being the better version of yourself today, being open to learning, like you mentioned before, recognizing when you would react versus respond, right? Taking that moment to Recognize the feeling listen, you're gonna hear it. You can't stop the input in some cases But understanding where to put it when you hear it, right? Recognizing to cancel that negative thought or push that out and recognize that's not true Like I hear you it's not right and then move on and move past it and that that's a skill It sounds like you have actively honed over time Yeah, it's definitely, it takes time, but then this week I've had two clients that started on this week with me and literally like they've sent me messages saying I'm doing this, I'm doing that. Like I'm reading a book to myself to get some peace. You know, I'm making sure I eat three times a day, it's crazy, but it can just take like one hour with a coach to realise, oh, I'm not doing this, I'm not doing that. And there's so many ways that people aren't putting themselves first that are simple. It doesn't have to be more exhausting for you or, you know, take more time. It's just looking at what you're doing and realising, like putting a magnifying glass and is that person treating me like that because I'm allowing them to? And we have to be really deeply honest with ourselves. I, you know, I was like, wow, I was in shock, like, just to think back on my life, how I let people cheat, you know, treat me. And I always forgive them because I'm heart led and I'm a nice person and caring. I don't like, you know, bad situations and arguments and I thought me just forgiving them that kind of let it move on but it was just allowing them to treat me like that again and again and again and it never would work out that way like it would always come again. When you talk about the, you made a comment about the paramedic, about the ambulance not coming. What you make me think about is the idea about enabling when you when you Allow someone and accept their apology Frankly knowing they're likely going to do it again. All you're doing is labeling them You're giving them an out excuse had that ambulance shown up that night It may have validated or given you the excuse or giving you the attention that maybe that you needed. I don't know that's the right word, but giving you the thing to say like, this is the outside piece that made me think this is like that you can solve my problem, but the reality is they couldn't. And so I think that it's so valuable that it didn't show up. then by virtue of it, when you woke up that next morning, you realized that you had to make that change internally. Yeah, it was definitely a light bulb moment because I was like, I pushed myself too far. I still wasn't blocking him. I still wasn't choosing myself. I still wasn't letting go where is now I know I could do that easily. I've had to do it before I've blocked a partner. It doesn't mean to say I'm never going to meet a narcissist again because I did after that. But I was able to block them quickly and choose me because I know what they was doing wasn't right and I was no longer accepting that and that was a great place to be in. I am, I'm actually, strange and I hope this comes across correctly. I'm glad that you found that narcissistic individual after your growth evolution on your journey, because it allowed you then to employ the things you've learned. It let you recognize it and remove yourself from a situation that wasn't. And so while it was uncomfortable, it gave, in my mind, I would expect it to give some validation to all the work that you put in. it let you realize it did work, you are different and you're a better version of you. And you're not gonna allow someone else to have that type of control over you. Yeah, but I think, thinking of the past Angie, I would have been thinking, I'm still attracting narcissists, but the new informed Angie knows that actually I might still attract them, but I'm able to say no now where, you know, there's always going to be people that are going to test you, trigger you, but what is that telling you? So now, rather than blaming myself, you're still attracting the same type of people, which I would have done in the past. I'm now able to accept, actually I can, but I can push them away easily and it's not me that's, you know, I'm not allowing all these bad things to happen anymore. I've learnt my lesson and I'm ready for new lessons. Oh, Angie, so good. That part right there, the ready for new lessons. I want to touch on that. Always learning forever student, right? Always being open to recognizing that you don't know everything. And yes, you've learned a lot and you've come along on this. And this is a high level comment, not to you specific, but anybody doing anything. When you learn something new, there's this growth moment. This, this Uncomfortable stretching and then you've learned okay cool, and then it feels comfortable and you like it the idea though is to continue to stretch that boundary to continue being Uncomfortable and putting yourself out there Whatever that is to make yourself better always being willing to learn and to grow and Yes, 100%. Like we're a different person today than we were yesterday, in my opinion. You know, we're always going to get tested. It's how we either react or respond to that situation. Mmm, so good. Angie, we call this Dragon's Gold. The accolades, the awards, or in many cases, the mindset shift that we've achieved. What would you consider Dragon's Gold on your journey? I would say that basically everything I do is my method is you first. And I would say that putting myself first is basically just put a whole shield of magic around me because that is what I put down to all of my problems, all of the things that happened to me. I wasn't putting my needs first. So I'm healthier, I'm happier, I'm making better decisions. And from the story of narcissistic physical abuse and all these horrible boyfriends I've had of cheating, I now have met my soulmate that actually puts me first as well. So because I've put me first, I've now met someone else that mirrors this, which I never thought would ever be possible. I love that. That's incredibly powerful. And it's not lost on me that you also then are bringing your partner joy as well, right? It's mutually beneficial. And you found one that can reciprocate the care and love that you show both to them and to yourself, right? It's beautiful. Alright, passing the torch. I call this the Hall of Heroes. If there was a massive statue of Angie Mays and it had a plaque that could say anything that you want to future generations, what would it say? I think I would say, um love yourself first. Because I've spent my whole life thinking that, you know, if I, you know, be a good worker, everyone used to say to me, you know, you're such a hard worker and I used to be so proud of myself until I realized I was burning out of every job, had no social life, was depressed from a teenager and all these things. I put... down a lot of the things that happened to me by me not loving myself and I would just say love yourself first because I believe that your whole life will be completely different when you do that because you're not looking for that outside validation anymore, you're giving it to yourself and you can search through employers, through colleges, through continuously learning or anything you may do, partners, but you'll never ever... going to have a life full of fulfillment and alignment and truly be happy until you give that to yourself. Mm, incredibly powerful. I love that you shared that message. Thank you very much, Angie. Tools and weapons. So we talk about tools and weapons as the things, the resources, uh whether it is books or courses that have helped you along in your journey. One of which I'd love to dig a little deeper on on the cognitive behavior therapy. But what would you consider tools and weapons on your journey? Yeah, I mean, obviously the CBT opened my eyes to it at first, the way we think, feel and act, because that's a big part of depression, really, you know, your thoughts are all negative and you believe them. So CBT was a massive one for me, but also just looking at your mindset and realizing that, you know, me and you could be in the same room and I could say, you know, it's dark, it's boring, I'm having a really rubbish time where it's... You could say, oh, this is amazing. This is, you know, this is the best time of my life. And realizing actually that how we perceive things and our perspective is how we live our life. And if we're going to choose to moan about everything, then it's going to be a negative experience. I think mindset perspective and the CBT is literally just gave me all the tools I need because now I know I'm aware of it. If something does pop in my head that's negative and I start to listen for a little bit, I'll then be laughing at myself because I'd be saying to myself, Angie, you know that's not true. You can't listen to that. And it's almost like I have a wall up now and I'm resistant to believing the stuff my mind is telling me. So it's one of those things like they say, once you know better, you do better. And I find that with my clients as well. They're no longer listening to these words that they're not good enough, you know, and that they can't do these things. They can't avoid them anymore. You know, they have to listen because they know better now. And I just think it's the same as going to the gym really. People think, right, you know, you've been the gym twice this week. You've just started. You look in the mirror, you still look the same. It's ongoing. And a lot of people put how they feel down to how they look. So they'll go to the gym and they continue that. but they don't realize they still need to do the inner work as well. So mindset, I say, is like the gym. If you continue, say, a couple of times a week, thinking about it, watching your words, what you're saying to yourself, actually put the work in. You're rewiring your mind, you're rewiring your mindset and you just get to a stage where you're fit, your mind's fit. So you have to do both coincide together, otherwise you're still going to have the ups and downs and you're not going to be able to handle the downs. Angie, I love the analogy that you made in regards to the idea of the gym and showing up a couple of times a week and not seeing the immediate results. But it's that constant effort. the it's showing up even when you don't see it, knowing that the results will come. It's like planting a seed in a garden. The idea is you're not going to see the flower right away. It takes time and it takes the nurture, the water, the nutrients of the soil. And so to that same point, the idea of your mindset, the idea that, you're not going to just flip a switch and suddenly everything's roses and sunshine. The reality is, that you have to take that input, recognize it, and then keep working towards it. And it's okay that you're going to, inevitably I have found, and this is just my own experience. the mindset, the constant effort that you have to put in and the grace that you have to give yourself to recognize that it's okay, you won't be perfect at it. And it will take time to strengthen that muscle, to strengthen your mind and the behaviors, the habits of canceling that negative thought process. and finding a way to intentionally rewire your brain by repetition. And I think that so often people invest all this time and effort and energy and they get so far and finally they're like, well, I'm not seeing a good enough return so I'm gonna quit. Whether that's in their mindset, whether that's in their business, whether that's in whatever it may be. The idea though is that all that time, effort, energy, once you've put that in, keep going, because you are right there. It is the precipice that you will then break through that barrier and you'll be able to fly. And I think a lot of people just need to keep going. Yeah, 100 % and a lot of people have this sort of like fake thing or positivity doesn't work and you know they say that they're very negative about it but at the end of the day where energy goes energy flows so if you're not concentrating on being positive then you're basically you're putting all your energy into being negative and people like moaning but if you're moaning all day right if you say the words out and you know like God, it feels heavy and you can feel that in your stomach and basically negative words do drain you and they make you feel heavy and drained. So you creating that energy for yourself. So it's about thinking about the opposite of positive as well. You know, you might not believe that being a positive and putting your... energy into gratitude and things like that works, but just take the other side of it. Negative drains you, so which one would you rather? Yeah, everything's a choice, right? You have the choice. um And I think that that's such a beautiful thing. uh the idea that so often people will naysay that positive side of it. And I've heard of it. I've been an incredibly positive person the majority of my life. uh Right? If you find the best in everything, you always smile. the idea and why I say that is so often people, like crabs in a bucket, They don't want to see you get out. Well, why are you in such a good mood? Why are you so happy? Like, and they want to bring you down into the muck. Like that's a hard thing to recognize and keep yourself aloft, right? To stay the Eagle, to stay positive, be kind, right? Avoid that negativity into cancel cancel actively canceling that negative thought. uh It doesn't mean not being realistic. It just means not going down the path of negativity and recognizing what's what's real. What's within our control. What's not? And then how am I going to frame this situation so that I can see that silver lining and understand what is the lesson or the benefit that I can take from this experience, right? And then use it to do better in the future. Yeah, 100 % and sometimes I say to people, know, it doesn't have to be like a new empowering belief that's so far out of reach, you know, can just be a small little tweak. You know, if you're saying to yourself, like you walk past the mirror and you say, I'm useless and fat, you know, you could just say, look, I love my body. It's helped me get to where I am. I've carried my beautiful children. You know, it could just be something small. You don't have to walk past and say, I'm a supermodel now. you know, I have the perfect figure. It doesn't have to be something that's unbelievable, but I always say to people, just tweak it, just get to that next little tiny step so it feels achievable rather than, you know, the race up the whole staircase. Hmm. Incredibly valid point. And I think that so often we will want that super model body or the bodybuilder piece, or we will want the, all the accolades and the, and the, successful business. And we want the money or the fame or the whatever it is for somebody. And so often people don't realize that it's the, it's the constant effort. It's the little steps. It's the small tweaks. As you said, it's the little things. You don't have to eat the elephant a bite at a time. take small bites, make small changes, and then keep climbing that ladder. my clients, you know, I work with exhausted women, they can't believe when they start coaching with me, actually what they need to do, because they're exhausted and overwhelmed and stressed. And they think I'm going to pile all these habits onto them. And they're not going to be able to cope with it. But they're like, wow, I feel so much better. And that's all I've got to do just tweak that one little thing. And I'm like, yes, that's it. And they're like, oh, okay. so they start thinking completely differently. making magic. When we talk about tools and weapons, I'd love to even just touch on two uh coaches, right? Obviously a mindset coach. There are coaches for many things, whether it's sports, and in this case it's mindset, frankly, and I would argue the most important thing that we have. Yeah. when you started coaching. Did you find that you learned from your clients? Yeah, I think I learn from my clients all the time as they learn from me. it's just like everybody's got different problems, but they're kind of the same. You know, like we all have low self-esteem, we don't feel good enough, we all talk to ourselves like rubbish. it's just like holding a mirror up to yourself really when you're with your clients because you can... You know, and I giggle when I'm in my session and I have lots of fun, but I'm giggling because I know that was me. And I know that like everybody else I speak to has the same issues. But when you said earlier, like we eternalize things and think it's just us. But when we have these discussions or when we have these coaching sessions and do these things or watch these, you know, podcasts or movies or whatever, read these books. Actually, we're all in the same boat. you see someone walk past, or they're famous, they're confident. But when you talk to them behind the scenes, say that you're up there at a show or something, they say, I was so nervous to get on stage and, I didn't know if I was going to stumble my words. And you're like, wow, they're normal. They're human. And this is why these conversations are so important, because we're all learning from each other. But because we don't go... around saying, don't feel confident to come to this event or do this thing. People are like, wow, look how confident she looks in her red dress or something. But it's so important to realize we're all the same deep down. And actually we've had the same problems or we have the same problems. We just need to work on them and not just think it's just us. It's not. We're all the same. It's just people that do the work get a little bit further. Oh, so good. So good. Yes. Yes. Thank you. And it's the idea of doing the work, right? That is one of the best points to make, is that it's available and there for all of us. We all have the opportunity. We just have to do the work, right? In whatever it is. And that oftentimes is the uncomfortable part, but I bring it back then to the idea of coach. And so the thought of learning, you learn from clients and you are now at a place that they want to be. Hence the reason why they're going with your program. And obviously you're being able to help people. The thing that I love so much about that and oftentimes the reason I asked the question about are you learning from them is so often when we get in there, we're able to learn even more about ourselves or understand more and seeing what we thought and felt when we were in it, seeing in someone else and then recognizing that you can give them the tools or give them the one thing that maybe they need for their journey to make the shift because it's while we're all similar, it's not all the same. Each one has its own nuance. And when you have the ability, the experience, and then understand it, you can see it. You can give them the right tool, the hammer or the screwdriver, right? Or the file, the right tool for whatever it is to make that adjustment. And then they have to do the work. They have to actually use that file or that hammer or that screwdriver. The point is that I think there's so much value in finding someone who is doing or has done what you want to do and then learning from them. So I just, think that you being a coach and helping so many exhausted women to take back and put themself first, I think that's a really beautiful thing. And I want to say thank you. Yeah, well they need it because we're, you know, we're in school, we're people pleasing for the teachers, we come out, we're doing it for our work, we're doing it for our employers, we're doing it for our parents, we're always doing what we're told. So we're set in this society where we're conditioned to put everyone first. So when we're an adult and we can start making choices for ourselves, we don't know how to do it. We're just so used to putting everyone else first. Well, changing those habits, right? And finding someone who can help you along your journey. I think it's beautiful. All right. What's next? What's the next quest for Angie Mays? Well, I have started my own Facebook group, Exhausted to Empowered, which is going amazing at the moment, really amazing. I'm loving it. What I'm doing at the moment is I'm having different guest experts in there each week. So we've had like CBT, menopause. We've got someone in there at the moment about nutrition. So I'm getting different guests to come in there and share their expertise. And yeah. It's amazing actually. I just had a coach reach out before the call and say, she's absolutely loving it. It's a privilege to be part of the group and she can just see how amazing all the women are in there and how busy it is. yeah, it just lights me up because all these women are exhausted and that they don't know. why and it's helping sort of put the magnifying glass on what they're actually doing in their life, what's draining their energy and how they can improve it in ways that don't cost anything because it's a free group but also you know that they can do immediately they haven't got to go and you know buy something you know you normally it's like but get a gym membership I can't afford to go but it's instantly from their house they don't need to do anything so Yes, this is really like my little baby at the moment. I'm just loving that. But I do have a book out in January that's being launched with a load of other beautiful coaches as well. So that's exciting. And I'm also hoping to do some speaking events next year. That's fantastic, Angie. Well, I wish you the best of luck in all of your endeavors, and I'm incredibly grateful that you took the time to join us today. Well, thank you for having me. It's been a pleasure. Angie, I do have one more question. And I will say out of the entire podcast, it is the most important question. So I'm I am biased. Jokes aside, if you could be any mythical creature, what would you be and why? I would be a Phoenix, I think, because they're like, they represent being reborn and they're strong and empowering. And that's what I create for my women in coaching. I just think that is just a... I've looked at them to have tattoos done as well so yeah I just think that is just the best one by far. I love it. I love it. Well, thank you for sharing that. And thank you for helping so many other exhausted women, right? Find their phoenix, right? And their rebirth and help to grow and to be better versions of themselves, happier versions of themselves, which they deserve. I love that. My friends, thank you for joining us once again on our quest to inspire, educate and empower you to turn your dreams into reality. One mindset shift at a time. We'll see you next time.

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Justin Mills

Host
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Aaron Iler

Producer
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Angie Mays

Guest