S4 Ep8: Congratulations, Your Kid Just Fired The Sport

Your kid says they're done, and they say it without drama. No meltdown, no blowup, just a decision. They walk away lighter. And you're the one left standing there running the numbers on everything you put in.

I've watched this from the coach side for years, and the part that surprises parents most isn't losing the games. It's losing the people. Somewhere in there, your kid's team became your team. Those parents on the sideline became the friends who carried you through the hard stuff. When your kid walks away, you lose that too, and nobody tells you to expect the grief that comes with it.

So this episode is about what's actually happening in you in that moment, and why the grief is real but it's yours to hold, not your child's to manage. I get into the first thing to say when they tell you (it's shorter than you'd guess), and why it matters so much that they were honest with you instead of just quietly checking out.

If your athlete has said it, or you can feel it coming, this one's for you.

https://jenfrytalksyouthsports.com/book

Transcript

What’s Happening On The Sideline

Dr. Jen Fry 0:07

What's actually happening inside of you on that sideline in that coma and in that creature? No shaming, no finger pointing. Just real conversation. And if you want to go deeper, my new book, Before You Blame the Code, is available now. So let's go.

When Your Child Says “I Quit”

Dr. Jen Fry 0:26

It finally happened. Your child came up to you and said, Mom, Dad, person, auntie, uncle, grandma, grandpa, whatever it is, I want to quit. And while you knew that there was going to be a natural end. The end may be after they graduate from high school, the end being after they get done in college, you weren't prepared for the end to be now. The end to be so abruptly. The end to be after maybe a great season. A great showing by them that there are colleges contacting them because they're interested. You knew it would end, but not now. And you have feelings about it. And rightfully so. You deserve to have those feelings. It makes sense. You've put a lot of time, effort, money, travel, you have put all of those things in there. You have been on this journey with them. You have seen the absolute highs, the absolute lows. And you've also built relationships.

Grieving The Sport And The Community

Dr. Jen Fry 2:06

This community that started as your child's community has become your community. You have met your best friends. You look forward to going to practice because you get to sit and joke and laugh with your friends. These are people that helped you maybe through a divorce, a job loss, a tough time, a death in the family. Like this is your community. And now you're grieving because it's not just the loss of the sport that you've gained to love. It's the loss of this close community that you were seeing two or three times a night. Your kids were going together for private. You were seeing them at tournaments. You may be roomed together at tournaments. You knew that that was your person. And now you are having to change all of your friendships because you're not going to get to see them as much. Maybe you all live an hour away and that was your time. So it makes sense that there is a grief that you have for what you're going to be missing. It just ended so abruptly. You get to have your feelings and emotions.

What To Say First And Why

Dr. Jen Fry 3:38

And many parents will say, Well, what do I say? What do I do? The first thing that you tell them is thank you. Thank you for telling me how you felt. Because they could have just hit it. And instead pretend like they were super excited at tryouts. They make a team. You sign that contract. That's a hefty amount. And they go to practice but they don't do their best. They hate it. They maybe miss practices for reasons. And they're not doing their best, which means they're not getting to play. They're not getting to play a position a potential position. And now you're getting frustrated. You're upset with the coach. Why is it the coach isn't playing you? You're being benched. And now it's making this experience horrible. And they're not showing up. And now a moment that could have potentially never happened is consistently happening all because your child didn't want to be honest and say, I don't love this anymore, I want to quit.

Questions That Find The Real Reason

Dr. Jen Fry 4:59

So the first thing is just thank them for being honest. Another question that you can ask is, help me understand what led you here. You want to ask this so that you can understand is this just an emotional moment because they lost, they didn't get to play a position, they're frustrated, or is it actually what they want to do? So ask them, help me understand what led you here. So that you can understand that thought process. Another one you can ask is what feels heavy about continuing right now? So that you can dial down on the part that's hard for them and that wants to allow them to quit. You can always ask other questions and then really end with, we're gonna figure out what's next together. Yeah, I am bummed, but I'm bummed because I enjoyed watching you play. I enjoyed watching you with your teammates, but I know that this doesn't erase the journey, and we're gonna figure out what's there in the future for me to watch you and to chair for you. And to close with something that they understand you're still there for them, even though they're making this really hard decision.

Next Steps Plus Resources

Dr. Jen Fry 6:14

Friends, I hope this episode helped you. If it did, please like, follow, and share it with another sport parent, coach, or athlete. If you're ready to go deeper, please order my book before you blame the coach. Head over to my website, JenniferTalksports.com or Amazon. And if your team, club, or organization wants to build stronger conflict skills for parents, coaches, administrators, and athletes, let's connect. I'm Dr. Jennifer Fry, and I'll see you next time on Five with Friday.