34 | When You Feel Like You’re Losing Yourself: Navigating Change & Identity

Ever feel like you’re changing too much or maybe not enough? Like you’re losing the version of yourself everyone once knew? You’re not alone. 

In this episode, Jessica Davis (licensed therapist and creator of the C.O.U.R.A.G.E. Method) breaks down what’s really happening when your identity starts to shift and why change isn’t proof that you’re lost, it’s proof that you’re growing.

If you’ve been feeling disconnected, uncertain, or misunderstood, this conversation will help you make peace with change, reconnect with your values, and start trusting the version of you that’s still unfolding.

✨ In This Episode, You’ll Learn:

• Why identity shifts are normal and not a sign you’re lost
• How holding onto old versions of yourself keeps you stuck
• The truth about “losing yourself” and why it’s really growth
• How to use your values as anchors when everything feels uncertain
• The power of letting go when others don’t understand your growth
• A simple self-reflection exercise to realign your choices with your values

RESOURCES:
Get your FREE Anxiety Survival Toolkit to help you when your anxiety is overwhelming!

JOIN our NEWSLETTER! Get weekly emails about upcoming podcasts, but also how to fight against anxiety!

📱 Follow Us:

Instagram | Facebook | Threads 

🎙️ Presented by Davis-Smith Mental Health

This podcast was created by Davis-Smith Mental Health, offering counseling for teens & young adults in Illinois (only). We accept BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, and self-pay clients.

Links: 
Anxiety Survival Toolkit:
https://www.blockoutthenoisepodcast.com/anxiety-survival-toolkit/

Newsletter:
https://blockoutthenoisepodcast.substack.com/welcome

Davis-Smith Mental Health:
https://www.davis-smithmentalhealth.com/

1:1 Confidence Coaching:
https://tidycal.com/blockoutthenoise/confidence-coaching

⚠️ Disclaimer:  Block Out the Noise provides personal insights and practical stra...

Transcript

When You Don’t Feel Like Yourself

SPEAKER_00 0:08

You know that feeling when you wake up one day and realize you don't feel like yourself anymore? You can't tell if you've changed or if everyone else just sees you differently. You start wondering if maybe you're doing too much or not enough, if people will judge you, or if you're becoming someone you don't even recognize. And then your mind starts racing. Am I changing too much? Am I losing who I used to be? Do people even like this version of me? If that sounds familiar, you're not alone. That fear of losing yourself or of others not understanding who you're becoming shows up for so many people I work with. But here's the truth. Change isn't proof that you've lost yourself, it's proof that you're growing. So today we're talking about what to do when your identity feels uncertain, how to make peace with change, how to stay grounded in your values, and how to trust the version of yourself that's still unfolding. Let's cut through the noise and get started. Hi, and welcome to Block Out the Noise, a space to quiet the noise of anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking, and start building a life filled with confidence, courage, and purpose. I'm Jessica Davis, licensed therapist, mindset coach, and the creator of the Courage Method. I specialize in helping teens and young adults with anxiety, overthinking, and self-esteem. If you ever wish you had quick tools to help when anxiety hits, there's a free anxiety survival toolkit waiting for you in the show notes. It is designed to help you stay grounded and fight back against anxiety when your mind starts to spiral. And it's completely free to download. Also, before we dive in, remember this podcast is here to support and guide you, but it is not a replacement for talking to someone in real life. If you're struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a therapist. And if you're in crisis, contact emergency services or a local helpline. You don't have to go through it alone. Okay, let's talk about identity and what to do when it feels like you're losing yours. Lately, so many clients have been struggling with identity, feeling unsure of who they are, second-guessing their decisions, and wondering if they're somehow doing life wrong. I've had so many young adults say, I don't even recognize myself anymore, or I feel like I'm supposed to know who I am by now, but I don't. And I get it, because we all go through moments, these seasons where we start to grow in a new direction, but our mind tells us that change means we're losing who we are. So I decided to record this episode, not just for them, but for you, because identity shifts our normal. We don't stay the same person forever. And I think one of the biggest pressures we put on ourselves is this belief that we should, that once we decide who we are, it has to stay that way. Holding on to old versions of yourself can actually keep you stuck. You might end up clinging to friendships that no longer support you, hobbies that don't excite you, or even careers that don't fit anymore, all because you're scared to take a leap into who you're becoming. And that's why I'm so passionate about what we're talking about today. Because it really is about what change means, why it's okay to outgrow old versions of yourself, and how to start feeling confident in who you're becoming, even if it's different than who you used to be. Let's start with the most obvious question. What even is identity? A lot of people describe it like it's something you find and then hold on to forever. Like you're supposed to discover who you are once and never change again. But that's not really how it works. Identity isn't who you've always been, it's who you are right now. It's a collection of your experiences, beliefs, priorities, habits, and values, all the things that shape how you move through the world in this moment. The problem is when we think identity is fixed, we start believing that change means something's wrong with us, that if we start seeing things differently or setting new boundaries or outgrowing certain people, we must be losing ourselves. But what if it's the opposite? What if you're finally meeting yourself? Here's something that always brought me peace. The one thing you can guarantee in life is change. And honestly, that's comforting because it means that even if you're unhappy with who you are right now, your confidence, your friendships, even your mindset, you won't be the same version of yourself six months from now, a year from now, five years from now. So you're allowed to evolve. You're supposed to. When I was younger, I used to see change as instability. Like it meant I was doing something wrong. Now it's one of those few things that brings me joy. Because if things are hard right now, change reminds me that they won't always be. If you're struggling with anxiety, self-doubt, or loneliness, change means there's a version of yourself out there who won't feel this way forever. You won't always be tired. You won't always feel stuck, you won't always carry this version of pain. Change is a quiet promise that nothing is permanent, not even the things that feel unbearable in this moment. So instead of resisting change, try to see it as a movement. You're growing even when it's uncomfortable. If this episode is hitting home and you've been thinking, okay, I want to work on this, but I need something concrete to help me when my brain starts spiraling, go download the anxiety survival toolkit in the show notes. It's free and made for moments just like this, when anxiety tells you you're lost, when you can't think clearly, or when you just need something that walks you through what to do next. Keep it on your phone so it's always within reach. And if there's a free resource or topic you wish existed, something that would help you even more, you can text your ideas through the link in the show notes. I read every single message, and I really want to keep creating tools that support you on your journey. Now, let's talk about something that can help you feel grounded when everything feels confusing. Your values. Your values are like anchors. They don't stop the waves from moving, but they keep you from drifting too far away. When you start to feel lost or disconnected, pause and ask yourself, what do I value most right now? So here's what I want you to do: write down everything you value, big or small. Don't overthink it. Just jot down words that feel true. It could be creativity and dependence, laughter, calm, learning, connection, health, love, boundaries, faith, honesty, rest, purpose. It doesn't matter. If I didn't say it, trust me, there are so many values that you could have. Some of mine were travel and dependence, quality time. Pick what resonates with you. Then circle your top three. Those are kind of like your foundation. And those three often explain why you're changing. But here's what's important to remember: your values aren't just words on a page, they're the quiet choices you make every single day. What to say yes to, what to say no to, what you keep showing up for even when it's hard. Interesting thing about our values lists is if, let's say, your top three are family, entertainment, and rest, but the things that you're doing lead to burnout, frustration, or lack of ability to engage in those, you're going to feel a disconnect. You're going to start to feel as though you have more anxiety or depressive symptoms. So sometimes by just doing a values check, it can help you to see one, potentially why you're changing. Two, if you're living your life accordance to the values that you have right now. And three, it helps us to remember what is important to us right now. And sometimes when we see that on paper, it totally makes sense on why we're changing or why things are shifting. For example, if you say you value peace, but your days are packed with people or things that drain you, that disconnect will start to feel like anxiety. Or if you say you value growth, but you avoid every uncomfortable moment, you'll start to feel stuck, even when everything looks fine. That's usually where the fear of losing yourself comes from. The gap between what we say we value and how we're actually living. So the next time you're unsure of who you are, come back to your values. Write them down, look at them often. And if your values shift over time, that's not a bad thing. Just know they should. My values at 25 will not be the same values as a mom of two, right? My values as a teenager definitely are not the same as a mom. They're just not going to be the same. And they really shouldn't, right? It is would almost be concerning if my values at 18 are still the same values in my 30s. So be open to that shift. Be open to that change. All right, let's talk about one of the biggest identity fears, the fear of being misunderstood. It's that voice that says, What if they don't like this new version of me? Or what if they think I've changed too much? Maybe even what if they think I'm fake or trying too hard? That fear is valid because we're wired for belonging. Your brain wants you to stay accepted by your community. But sometimes that wiring keeps you from going into the person you actually want to be. Not everyone is supposed to understand your growth. And that's okay. Sometimes the people who loved you in the last season can't see who you're becoming in this one. It doesn't mean they're bad people. It just means their version of you hasn't caught up yet. And you don't have to shrink yourself waiting for them to catch up. What I would want my clients to know is you don't owe anyone the old version of you just because they're more comfortable with it. Growth will cost you your comfort. It might cost you old friends, patterns, or habits that no longer fit, but it will also give you peace, alignment, and confidence you can't build any other way. The people who are meant to walk beside you don't need you to explain your growth. They'll just support it. And for the ones who don't, let them. Let them misunderstand you. Let them make assumptions. You're allowed to keep moving forward anyway. You'll never lose the real you by changing. You'll only lose the version that was pretending to keep everyone else happy. Now, to the courageous moment. I messed up. I think I forgot to add them in a couple of previous episodes, but they are back. I do find them valuable, and I hope you do too. So before the next episode, I want you to take five quiet minutes and ask yourself, what do I value most right now? Write down a list, circle your top three, and then ask, am I living in a way that reflects these values? It's a simple exercise, but it can help you see that you're not lost. You're simply realigning with what matters most. And if you notice that your values have changed, that's okay. It means you're growing in the direction you were always meant to grow. So if you've been feeling lost, like you're floating between who you were and who you were becoming, take a breath. You are not lost. You're evolving. Letting go of old versions of you doesn't mean you failed or changed too much. It means you're finally listening to what your life is asking of you. Listen, you're allowed to grow out of friendships that no longer feel right. You're allowed to stop chasing goals that don't excite you anymore. And you're allowed to become someone completely different than who you thought you'd be and still be you. Change doesn't erase your identity, it expands it. So keep asking questions. Keep noticing what feels true for you right now. And keep taking those small, courageous steps towards a life that actually feels like yours. Because you don't have to have it all figured out. You just have to be brave enough to keep becoming. Thank you so so much for listening. Until next time, keep moving forward, trust yourself, and never forget you have what it takes to block out the noise.