40 | How to Stop Dimming Your Light: Overcome Anxiety & Self-Doubt

If you have ever stayed quiet so you would not stand out, downplayed your accomplishments, or held yourself back because you did not want to make anyone uncomfortable, this episode is for you. Anxiety convinces you that shrinking is safer, but playing small comes at a cost. It keeps you from opportunities, relationships, and the version of you that wants to grow.

In this episode, Jessica Davis, licensed therapist and creator of the C.O.U.R.A.G.E. Method, breaks down why anxious teens and young adults dim their light and how to stop letting fear make your decisions. You will learn why shining bright is not arrogance, how other people’s insecurities shape your confidence, and how to reclaim the parts of you that you buried to feel safe.

✨ In This Episode, You Will Learn:
• Why anxiety convinces you to stay small
• How fear of judgment leads to shrinking
• Why other people’s insecurities impact your confidence
• What it actually means to shine bright
• How to stop apologizing for your strengths
• How to notice when you are dimming your light
• How to rebuild identity when you feel like you have lost yourself
• Why vulnerability is the foundation of real confidence

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🎙️ Presented by Davis-Smith Mental Health

This podcast was created by Davis-Smith Mental Health, offering counseling for teens & young adults in Illinois (only). We accept BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, and self-pay clients.

Links: 
Anxiety Survival Toolkit:
https://www.blockoutthenoisepodcast.com/anxiety-survival-toolkit/

Newsletter:
https://blockoutthenoisepodcast.substack.com/welcome

Davis-Smith Mental Health:
https://www.davis-smithmentalhealth.com/

1:1 Confidence Coaching:
https://tidycal.com/blockoutthenoise/confidence-coaching

⚠️ Disclaimer:  Block Out the Noise provides personal insights and practical stra...

Transcript

When Anxiety Makes You Shrink Yourself

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If you live with anxiety, you know this feeling. The moment you start doubting yourself, before you even try, the moment you shrink because the fear is louder than your own voice. You learn to dim yourself because fear tells you that visibility will lead to judgment or even rejection. You start to believe you are safer when you stay quiet, hidden, small. I want to talk to you about why this happens and how you can stop shrinking when fear shows up. Hi, and welcome to Block Out the Noise, a space for teens and young adults who are ready to quiet the noise of anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking and start living a life filled with confidence, courage, and purpose. I'm Jessica Davis, a licensed therapist, mindset coach, and the creator of the courage method. I specialize in helping teens and young adults with anxiety, overthinking, and low self-esteem. If you ever wish there were quick tools to help you when anxiety hits, there's a free anxiety survival toolkit. It's designed to help you stay grounded and fight back against anxiety, especially when your mind starts to spiral and it's completely free to doubt them. Before we dive in, remember, this podcast is here to support and guide you, but it is not a replacement for talking to someone in real life. If you are struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a therapist. And if you're in a crisis, contact emergency services or a local helpline. You do not have to go through it alone. All right, let's talk about what happens when you let your light shine and what happens when you don't. There's a poem I heard years ago that stopped me and gave me goosebumps. It was from the movie Coach Carter. And still to this day, when I watch the scene over, I still am brought back to that moment and the realization that hit me. It was so glaringly obvious that I couldn't ignore what the message was sending. And I truly hope that if you haven't watched Coach Carter, that this motivates you to go see the movie because it truly is life-changing in my eyes. Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. You playing small does not serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. That's by Marianne Williamson. When I first heard it, I was flooded with so many memories, moments from my childhood, grade school, high school, college, and honestly, even in my career, all these moments I had let other people's insecurities dictate my own choices. Times that I had stayed quiet so someone else could shine. Times where I held back because I thought that my role was to play almost like the sidekick and never be the hero. And I realized I had spent so much of my time and like dimming my light, not because I wasn't capable, but because I was afraid of what would happen if I allowed myself to shine. Here's what I see all the time in my practice: teens and young adults who are amazing, talented, brilliant even, but they shrink. They don't raise their hand in class, even though they know the answer. They don't apply for scholarships, the job, or put themselves out there because they think, who am I to do that? They downplay their accomplishments so their friends don't feel bad. They stay quiet when they have something important to share because they don't want to seem like they're showing off. And I get it. I really do because there's so much fear and shining. What if I let people down? What if people don't resonate with who I am? What if I crack under the pressure? What if people think I'm arrogant or too much or annoying? So instead of risking that, we dem ourselves, we play small, we convince ourselves that it's safer to blend in than stand out. But here's the truth. You playing small doesn't serve anyone, not you, not the people around you, not the world. Let me be clear about something. Shining bright doesn't mean being loud or flashy or arrogant. It doesn't mean dominating every conversation or acting like you're better than everyone else. Shining bright means showing up as who you really are. It means using your gifts without apologizing for them. It means speaking your truth even when your voice shakes. It means pursuing your goals without shrinking yourself to make others comfortable. And here's what's beautiful about people who shine bright. They're like magnets. We're drawn to them, not because they're perfect, but because they give us permission to be ourselves too. They give us faith, hope, and motivation. And the most powerful thing about people who shine bright is that they are unshakable. Even when life throws the most devastating situations at them. That doesn't mean that they don't struggle because they do. It doesn't mean that they don't have hard days because they do. But it means that they've woven their values, their character, their morals into every fiber of their being. And that light, it doesn't burn out. I hope you're seeing what I'm trying to share with you because these people who shine like this are what makes you want to do more within your life. And you might be wondering how hard it is to shine like this. Because here's the hard truth. There will be people in your life who will try to box you in, people who will label you and define who you are without understanding you at all. There will be people whose anger, pain, and sadness will try to make you feel how they feel because they allowed their light to burn out a long time ago. And sometimes those people will be close to you. They could be friends, family, teachers, coaches, people you trust. They might say things like, don't get too confident, or you're being too much, or stay humble, or who do you think you are? And when you hear that enough times, you start to believe it. You start to think, maybe I am too much. Maybe I should tone it down. But I want you to hear this. If you are surrounded by people who make you feel less than, this is not a reflection of who you are. This is a reflection of their own fear. And you are not responsible for managing their fear. You are not responsible for dimning your light so they feel better about themselves. If this episode is hitting home and you've been thinking, okay, I want to work on this, but I need some concrete tools to help me when my brain is spiraling. Please go download the anxiety survival toolkit. It is free and made for moments just like this, when anxiety tells you that you're lost, or when you feel like you can't think clearly, or when you just need something that walks you through what to do next. Keep it on your phone so it's always within reach. And it's a free resource. And if there's a free resource or topic you wish existed, something that could help you even more, you can text your ideas through the link in the show notes. I read every single message. And I really want to keep creating tools that help support you on your journey. Okay. Maybe you're listening to this and thinking, Jessica, I don't even know what my light looks like anymore. Maybe it's been so long since you felt like yourself that you've forgotten what it feels like to even shine. Or maybe you're thinking, I'm the one who's dimmed other people's lights. I'm the one who has said cruel and harmful things to others because I was hurting. I want to talk to you for a second. If your light faded, it's not gone. It's still there. It's just buried underneath fear, shame, doubt, and pain. And the beautiful thing about light is that it doesn't disappear. It just needs to be reignited. And if you've dimmed someone else's light, that doesn't mean you're a bad person. It means that you are in pain. And of course, people have heard this phrase before hurt people. Hurt people. But here's what you can do now. You can choose differently. You can apologize. You can make amends. You can decide you're not going to let your pain dictate how you treat others going forward. Because here's the truth. We've all had moments where we have had someone try to dim our life. And a lot of us have had moments where we dened someone else's life. But some people, they refuse to dim. They hold on to their values, their character, their morals so fiercely that no matter what life throws at them, they keep shining. And that's what I want for you. Not perfection, but the choice to keep shining, even when it's hard. I know that right now, as you're listening to this, you're probably thinking of all the moments you dimmed your life, the times you stayed silent, the times you held back, the times you let someone else's opinion stop you from pursuing something you truly cared about. And I get it because I have those two. Those moments, those memories are hard. But what I want to focus in on is building new memories, memories of you taking a stand, allowing your voice to be heard, rising to the occasion that you used to shy away from. Because here's the thing you don't erase the past by dwelling on it. You heal the past by creating a different future. And every time you choose to shine, even when it's scary, you're creating proof for yourself that you can do hard things. There's something I need you to really understand about this too, because impact doesn't come from dominance. Real impact comes from vulnerability. The moments that have changed me the most were the moments that humbled me, the moments I was honest about my struggles, the moments I admitted I didn't have it all figured out, the moments I let people see the messy, imperfect, still figuring it out version of me, because that's what people connect with. You can't have a deep, meaningful relationship with anyone without vulnerability. Not perfection, not someone who has it all together, but someone who's real, who's trying, who's brave enough to show up even when they're scared. And when you let yourself be vulnerable, when you shine a light, even when it's flickering, you give others permission to do the same. You might be thinking that you don't really know what it means to shine. And to me, shining bright just means allowing your gifts and talents to shine, right? Not plain small, but I truly believe that no matter what your gifts or talents are, they all come down to spreading one thing, and that's hope. When we have hope, things that once felt like obstacles become stepping stones, fear becomes a calling, pain becomes a sign of transformation. And the most powerful way you spread hope is by shining your light. Because when someone sees you show up as yourself, when they see you pursue your dreams, even though you're scared, when they see you hold true to your values, even when it's hard, they think maybe I can do that too. Your light doesn't just change your life, it changes the lives of everyone around you. So here's a courageous moment. I want you to do one thing you've been holding back on because you're afraid of shining too bright. Maybe it's raising your hand in class, maybe it's posting something you create it, maybe it's applying for that opportunity, maybe it's speaking up when someone crosses a boundary. Maybe it's just showing up as yourself unapologetically for one day, just one thing. And I want you to notice what happens. Not what happens externally, but what happens internally. How does it feel to stop dimming your light? How does it feel to take up space in this world? How does it feel to let yourself be seen? Because I promise you, it will get easier. The more you practice shining, the more natural it becomes. And eventually you won't even remember what it felt like to dim yourself. But also, the best part of this is you will notice a change in the people around you as well. When you start to not dim your light, other people will see that and you will become a beacon. You will become someone that is motivating others, inspiring others through your journey, right, wrong, and different, as hard as it will be, people will understand that and they will notice it. And the people who don't are the ones who are too afraid to shine right now. And maybe, just maybe, those people one day will come to you and say, I'm sorry that I didn't support you in the way that I should have. And even if they don't, it really doesn't matter because you're not responsible for their life. You're responsible for your own. If this episode resonated with you, please share it. Share it with a friend who's been playing small. Share it with someone who needs permission to shine. Share it with anyone who's forgotten how bright they really are, because I truly believe that everyone is meant to shine. If this video resonated with you, please share it. Share it with a friend who's been playing small. Share it with someone who feels like they need permission to shine. And share it with someone who's forgotten how bright they really are. And if you haven't yet, please leave a review. It helps people find this space and gives them permission to shine too. Before you go, I want you to remember something. You are born to shine. Not someday when you're more confident or more accomplished or more ready, whatever that needs, but right now as you are. The world doesn't need a den down version of you. It needs you fully, authentically, and unapologetically. Thank you for being here. Thank you for listening. Until next time, keep moving forward. Trust yourself and never forget you have what it takes to block out the noise.