52 | The Anxiety of Being Pulled in Too Many Directions

• Do you feel pulled in five directions and still feel behind?
• Do you keep saying yes, even when you really want to say no?
• Do you worry that narrowing your focus means losing who you are?

This episode is for the pressure you feel when your life is full, your brain is loud, and your schedule keeps getting tighter.

Jessica Davis talks about why teens and young adults burn out so fast right now, how hustle culture and other people’s opinions add noise, and why overload often ends in avoidance, procrastination, and scrolling that goes on longer than you planned.

You will also hear a simple way to sort what stays and what pauses, using four questions that bring you back to you. Your joy. Your growth. Your energy. Your identity. Stay with this episode until the end for a reminder you might need today: your life is allowed to change by season, and you are allowed to choose on purpose.

What You’ll Learn in This Episode
 • Why overload makes anxiety louder and rest harder
 • How other people’s opinions pull you away from what you want
 • Why overload often turns into avoidance and escape habits
 • Four questions to help you decide what stays and what pauses
 • How to spot what you keep out of obligation
 • How to release what feels tied to your identity
 • A simple reminder to schedule time for yourself before your week fills up

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🎙️ Presented by Davis-Smith Mental Health

This podcast was created by Davis-Smith Mental Health, offering counseling for teens & young adults in Illinois (only). We accept BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, and self-pay clients.

Links: 
Anxiety Survival Toolkit:
https://www.blockoutthenoisepodcast.com/anxiety-survival-toolkit/

Newsletter:
https://blockoutthenoisepodcast.substack.com/welcome

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https://www.davis-smithmentalhealth.com/

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https://tidycal.com/blockoutthenoise/confidence-coaching

⚠️ Disclaimer:  Block Out the Noise provides personal insights and practical stra...

Transcript

Why Nothing Felt Right To Publish

Jessica N. Davis 0:07

This week I wrote several different podcast episodes, but none felt right. Each one was honestly missing something, and I just couldn't in good faith put any of them out until I fixed them. So at midnight, as I was struggling to fall back asleep, I thought about how lately I've been feeling like I was being pulled in so many different directions. It made me think of the clients I saw this week and how many of them shared the same sentiment. So today we're talking about the anxiety that makes you afraid of narrowing your focus, being honest with yourself, and still trying to keep some semblance of who you are. Hi, and welcome to Block Out the Noise. This is a space for teens and young adults to quiet the noise of anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking. I'm Jessica Davis, licensed therapist, mindset coach, and the creator of the Courage method. I specialize in helping teens and young adults build confidence, courage, and purpose. Also, if you're wondering how to get more support and decrease your anxiety, then please download the anxiety survival toolkit. Not only will it give you coping skills, audio tracks to help you calm down, and mindful meditation, but you'll also get weekly emails to help you face your anxiety. Get all of this by clicking the link in the show notes. And a quick reminder, this podcast is here to support and guide you, but it is not a replacement for talking to someone in real life. If you're struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a therapist. And if you're in crisis, contact emergency services or a local helpline. You don't have to go through it alone. All right, let's cut through the noise and get started. A lot of clients that I work with have so many things they're juggling. I'm almost in shock at the load teens and young adults take on because there's hardly room to just relax and rest. Then I realize there are so many reasons why hustle culture is popular. Teens and young adults see through social media 10-year-old starting businesses. No wonder so many people these days feel like they are constantly behind, like they have to take on more and more responsibilities. I'm guilty of this myself. On my endless list of to-dos, I somehow believe that I have room for more. But ultimately, something undoubtedly suffers in the end. When we take on more and more, we burn ourselves out. We find ourselves not knowing where to put our limited focus and time. We catch ourselves having more mood swings, difficulty sleeping, and trouble explaining why we are even doing what we are doing. Even deeper, it's not just the endless seduce. It's also the noise of the people around us offering suggestions on how we should live. During the teen and young adult years, my goal for my clients isn't to mold them into the version I want them to be. It's to help them learn how to decide, communicate, and step into the version of themselves that they want. I want that for you too. I want you to be able to block out what others think, what others believe you should be doing with your life and figure out how to stay true to what you want, which, of course, it's easier said than done. It takes time, patience, and resilience. It takes a lot of self-reflection. It takes courage. I had a client who recently did this. They've been working with me for years, and they did something completely outside of their comfort zone, but they got a lot of negative feedback for their choices. I could feel the sadness in this client and yet also their strength. So you might be wondering, what did we end up doing in that session? We celebrated. I cheered on their decisions and continued to empower them because not everyone will agree with the choices that you make. They may not agree with the career you want to go into, the person you choose to date, the speed you are going through life, or the lack thereof. And yet they're all yours to make. Your wins and your losses, your moments of growth, all being used to help you cultivate the person you are on the path to becoming, which is a never-ending path. I don't want anyone to listen to this podcast and think that life isn't messy because it is. It's hard at times, and yet it is also beautiful. But before I go too far ahead of myself and share more on an upcoming episode, let's get back to the whole point of this one. The one person you owe is you. You owe it to yourself to step into your truth. You owe it to yourself to take risks. You owe it to yourself to make moves that align with you. So even though this episode is about learning to find a way to unload, I think you learn that by finding out more about who you are and what fills your cup. When we do things for others, we feel mentally and emotionally drained. And to be clear, the types of things I mean are when you say yes to adding more, when you really want to say no, or saying yes to another activity because you think it will look good on college applications, but it still isn't something you really want to do or are passionate about. And I hear this all the time from clients. People saying yes to things without ever pausing to ask if it actually aligns with where they are and where they want to go. Things like being in a relationship with someone just to be in a relationship, doing a sport out of obligation for their parents, taking on extra work hours, even though they know they need time for schoolwork, saying yes to things that in their gut they want to say no to because they don't want to hurt someone's feelings. Doing and taking substances to feel more included or fit in when they were meant to stand out, and filling so much of their time that when they finally get a break, they find themselves overconsuming social media, video games, or even binging shows. When we overload ourselves, our brain searches for some type of break, some way of resetting. But usually that reset comes in the form of avoidance, procrastination, or trying to escape. And I'm guilty of this too. I think without learning to cut back, we're all guilty of this. The day and age we live in makes it hard not to reach for an easy way to manage stress, worry, or fear through our devices. The problem is we've trained our brain to think that when these emotions hit, this is the way to cope. When we know deep down that's actually making our stress worse. And usually it comes down to one reason: not having clear boundaries. It's not just one episode, right? It's a whole season. It's not just 20 minutes of scrolling, it ends up being hours. Now the stress, worry, and fear have amplified. And yes, we can talk about setting boundaries on our devices, but what if the real goal is to learn to narrow our focus? When we focus on so many different things, we get overwhelmed. If you sat down and wrote a list of everything you feel like you need to make time for, and everything you want to make time for, that list might be extensive and might bring light to why you feel like you're never doing enough or why you feel like you never have time for the things you really love. And this happens at almost every stage of life. Teens navigate this in high school. Then again, whether you go to college, stay home, or start working, again when you start dating someone or getting married, again when you have kids, again as an empty nester, and again as we come to terms with getting older. This isn't meant to scare you. It's meant to help you see that life is full of transitions, moments that will shift our focus and our time. And it's okay to shift your focus for this season. So, how do we decide what to let go of and what to hold on to? Well, lucky or unlucky, depending on how you look at it, I've been through a lot of transitions. And there are a few questions I believe would really help you figure out what to keep and what to maybe pause. Because, like Steve Jobs said, focus is about saying no. You can do anything, but not everything. So let's figure out which yeses can be turned into no's. Question one What currently brings you joy and excitement? This one comes first because there are so many things we have to do just because of our responsibilities. So starting with what fills you allows you to hold on to things that make you feel encouraged, excited, and energized. Question two What challenges you? We want things that push us outside of our comfort zone, things that will stretch us and help us learn more about ourselves. These might scare you a little bit. They might also excite you so you feel pulled in different directions. And a lot of times, these are the things that people consider dropping because they feel hard. But these are often the things that could have the biggest impact. Question three: What has been draining you and has been draining you for quite some time? Because if something is constantly zapping your energy and has been for a while, you're likely doing it out of obligation. And you might be wondering, what if this is something like your job or career? That's a fair and real concern. But the best advice I ever received is this it never hurts to always be looking. When you stay open to what's out there, you can explore without fear because you already have a job or career as it is. Question four. What do I hold on to because I feel like it defines who I am? This question does a lot of heavy lifting. It's meant to help you see which activities feel tied to your identity. And as you write them down, you might notice that even though you listed it, you actually want to let it go because it doesn't serve the person you are today or the person you're becoming. Those can feel the hardest to release because you feel like these things are what people know you for. But we are so much more than a list of activities, jobs, or things we do. We are our morals, our values, our thoughts and feelings, our dreams and goals, our mistakes, and our accomplishments. Never forget that. So as you work through those four questions, you will be surprised how quickly the answers come on what really is time to let go of. And bonus tip I don't do this enough myself, but schedule time for yourself in your calendar. Even if it's just a calendar appointment to rest, because without those reminders, we just keep filling the schedule. And sometimes it takes someone else pointing it out for us to really see how hectic it's become. As I wrap up this episode, I just want you to continue to see, as much as this podcast is about anxiety, it really is more about you, you growing in confidence because the more you do that, the more you find that you can embrace all aspects of yourself, even the moments when anxiety is there. Just because it's there doesn't mean it has to be in control. And remember, you can download the anxiety survival toolkit linked in the show notes. It's there to help you when you're looking for a way through. Even if you get just one tool from it, it's worth downloading. And all it takes is an email. So thank you for showing up today and listening. Until next time, keep moving forward, trust yourself, and never forget you have what it takes to block out the noise.