71 | I Thought I'd Be Somewhere Else By Now

•  What dream still hurts to think about?
• Why does letting go feel like grief?
• What if the dream did not fail, but changed you?

In this episode, Jessica Davis talks about the grief that comes when a dream does not become what you hoped it would. Whether it was a sport, career, relationship, creative goal, or version of yourself you thought you would be by now, losing a dream can feel like losing part of who you were becoming.

Jessica shares how anxiety, fear, regret, and self-doubt can make that loss feel heavier, especially when you look around and feel like everyone else is moving forward. This episode helps you name the grief, rethink the story you have been telling yourself, and ask whether the dream still fits who you are today. You will learn how to carry the lesson without letting regret write the rest of your story.

What You’ll Learn in this Episode:

• Why losing a dream can feel like grief
• How regret keeps you stuck in the past
• Why your dream may still hold meaning
• How fear can shrink what you believe is possible
• Why small wins help rebuild momentum
• How to decide if a dream still fits who you are now 

RESOURCES:
Get your FREE Anxiety Survival Toolkit to help you when your anxiety is overwhelming!

JOIN our NEWSLETTER! Get weekly emails about upcoming podcasts, but also how to fight against anxiety!

📱 Follow Us:

Instagram | Facebook | Threads 

🎙️ Presented by Davis-Smith Mental Health

This podcast was created by Davis-Smith Mental Health, offering counseling for teens & young adults in Illinois (only). We accept BCBS PPO, Aetna PPO, and self-pay clients.

Links: 
Anxiety Survival Toolkit:
https://www.blockoutthenoisepodcast.com/anxiety-survival-toolkit/

Newsletter:
https://blockoutthenoisepodcast.substack.com/welcome

Davis-Smith Mental Health:
https://www.davis-smithmentalhealth.com/

1:1 Confidence Coaching:
https://tidycal.com/blockoutthenoise/confidence-coaching

⚠️ Disclaimer:  Block Out the Noise provides personal insights and practical stra...

Transcript

The Grief Of Unlived Dreams

Jessica N. Davis 0:07

Have you ever had a dream you were so passionate about and it didn't come to light? You felt as though, as much as you wanted this dream to happen, it was never going to be. The dream died, and with it, a little bit of you too. There's a version of you that you mourn when you let that dream go, almost like someone lost. So before you let regret write the rest of your story, stay with me. What you're feeling isn't just disappointment and it isn't only anxiety, it's grief. I'm going to show you why this kind of loss cuts so deep and why a dream that dies is never quite the end of the story.

Welcome to Block Out the Noise

Speaker 0:49

Hi, and welcome to Block Out the Noise, a space to quiet the noise of anxiety, self-doubt, and overthinking. I'm Jessica Davis, licensed therapist, mindset coach, and the creator of the Courage Method. If you want a little extra support, please go download the anxiety survival toolkit in the show notes. It's packed with coping skills, audio tools, a full breakdown of the courage method, and a guided meditation, all completely free. Also, quick reminder take what helps you, leave what doesn't. This podcast is here to support and guide you, but it is not a replacement for talking to someone in real life. If you're struggling with your mental health, please reach out to a therapist. And if you're in a crisis, contact emergency services or local health line. You don't have to go through

The Loss No One Names

Speaker 1:31

it alone. There's a kind of group that most people never learn about. Psychologists call it ambiguous loss. Something ends, and as painful as it is, you can point to it. This kind has no event. Nothing died that anyone can see anyway. What you lost is on the inside, the dream itself, and the version of you who is going to live it. That's why it won't leave you alone. It makes sense that it keeps resurfacing. There was no funeral, no closure, no saying, I'm sorry for your loss. So it just sits there and gets louder in the quiet moments. You can stop wondering why you can't get over something you were never even really allowed to name. That makes complete sense. Your dream could have been anything: a sport, an art, a career you were sure of, a place where you were going to live, a person you were going to become. It doesn't matter what it is. What matters is that you can still feel the shape of where it used to be. Sometimes it feels like watching that life through glass. You can see it clearly, but there's a pain between you and it, and you can't find the way to the other side. While you stand there, the days blur into months, and it starts to feel like life is just passing you by. You are not the only one who quietly sat a dream down. Whole corners of the internet are full of people asking the same aching questions. What was the dream you gave up on? And do you still think about it? One person who gave up a childhood dream said the passion never left, that years later, just seeing it on TV would still make them emotional. It was, in their words, their first true love. You can hear the whole grief in that one line. A first love they never got to keep. But I'm going to challenge

When Fear Changes the Dream

Speaker 3:20

that later. I'll tell you where I felt this. For me, it was basketball. I played and looking back, I agree that I didn't give it everything. I let fear take over. There was someone considered the best on the team. So I shrank into the support role, the bench role, and I let that be my ceiling. The only person standing in my way was me. If your mind tends to destroy the picture before it ever gets to be beautiful, I know this grief is even heavier for you. And you're exactly who I'm talking to today. Here's the part I didn't expect. The same stubbornness that held me back on the court, the one that looks like a flaw, is the very thing that made me a good therapist. It's the stubbornness that makes me refuse to give up on someone that keeps me believing in a person even when they've stopped believing in themselves. The thing that was a weakness in one place became a strength in another. Sit with that because the very part of you that you've been grieving might be a strength that just hasn't found its arena yet. I've

Small Wins That Build Momentum

Speaker 4:25

worked with young adults who felt exactly like this. Everyone else's life seemed to be moving forward, and theirs felt stopped, spinning their wheels, putting in effort and watching it go nowhere. There wasn't one magic moment that fixed it. What we did was small. We set small goals and we actually stopped to count the wins because here's the pattern I see all the time. When you've been stuck long enough, you start to self-sabotage, not on purpose, but because somewhere along the way, your mind convinced you that you don't deserve the good thing. I've had clients tell me, I think I'm about to get fired. So I might as well just quit. So they quit with nothing lined up. Then the weak stretch out and it becomes more proof for this horrible thought of, oh, see, I really am worthless. That's not true. That is grief and fear running the show. The way out was never going to be one giant leap. It was momentum, one small counted win at a time. We have to look at the words because the words you've been using have quietly made this worse. They believe you wasted those years. You didn't waste them. You survived something hard during them. From the outside, it might look like you were standing still. Even lazy, underneath, you were treading water. Your legs never stopped moving under the surface. You were using everything you had just to keep your head above the water. And that is not a failure. That's endurance. You say you lost the person you could have been. That person isn't gone. That person is unpracticed. Confidence was never something you were born with and then lost. It's built by doing. Those muscles didn't die. They just never got their reps in because fear kept you off the court, just like it kept me off. Muscles you haven't used yet aren't gone. They're waiting. Loss can also be growth. It can be the understanding that pushes you the moment you decide I've lost enough. I don't want to keep losing things. So I'm going to do this differently. Here's

When A Dream Still Calls

Speaker 6:30

something no one tells you about a dream. It doesn't always die all the way. I still think about picking up a basketball. Not to go pro, literally not. Nothing like that, but more like a piece of me calling me home. Almost every dream I've ever had that never came to life still calls me alone. And yours may still call to you too. So maybe you do still want it. Maybe there's so much fear and disappointment wrapped around it that you never let yourself move. So what do you do when you feel called? Sit with three honest questions. Am I willing to sacrifice some things to go towards this dream? Because everything worth having, asks for something in return. If I knew there was no guarantee I'd ever fully get there, would I still want to chase it just because I love what I'm doing? That question separates the people who love the dream from the people who only want the trophy. Three, does this dream still fit the person I am and the values I hold now? Not the person I was when I started the dream. No. The person I am today. One get check underneath all of it. Here's the question I actually want to leave you with. The dream never happened. Are you glad that you got to have it at all? Let me go back to basketball for a second. Do I wish I put more into it? Yes. But here's the honest truth, though. At that stage in my life, was I willing to sacrifice more for it? No, I wasn't. And that's okay. When you look back, try to look back through the lens you had then, not the one you have now. You were a different person with different pressures, doing the best you could with what you had at the time. I prioritized other things and I'm not upset about that. So the question isn't why didn't I? It's this now, at this stage in your life, with the values you hold today, is that still a dream you want? Or is there something new going to you?

New Values And New Dreams

Speaker 8:23

I'll tell you where I am. I am loving my new dreams. I want to keep showing up, keep making this, keep building something that truly helps people who are fighting anxiety because that's my passion. And there's another one too. I wanted to write a book since I was in college, maybe even before. Has it happened yet? No. Is that something I still want? Absolutely. But what if those dreams don't happen either? Then I'll be at peace because I love the process. I love the hard parts. I even love the vulnerability of it. If four years from now my dreams look completely different, there won't be regret because right now I'm learning so much about myself. The same way basketball taught me so much too. That's the light in this. A dream that died still gave you something. It showed you who you are. So take the lessons and carry them with you. Here's what I know: some dreams get delayed, some never come to fruition. Some you are so afraid of that you never let yourself pursue them at all. I don't want you filled with regret because regret keeps you trapped. You always have today to do something different, a passion you can pursue, an art form that helps you connect back to yourself, a connection you can reach for. I think our dreams and our passions are what makes us feel alive. So why not let that pulse through you as much as you can, no matter how it turns

One Small Choice This Week

Speaker 9:51

out. If this resonated with you, share it with someone who needs to hear it. And if you can make one choice this week, however small, put it in the comments so someone else can see what moving forward looks like. Don't worry if it feels small to anyone else. If it's big to you, then it's big. Point blank, period. Until next time, keep moving forward. Trust yourself and never forget you have what it takes to block out the noise.