Are You Making a Sacrifice or Taking the Easy Way Out? | Career Truth for Ambitious Women

What happens when life completely derails your career plan? My guest, Adewumi Alphonso had two babies in one year, resumed from maternity leave pregnant, and faced a choice: quit or strategize. 

Her decision changed everything.

In this raw, no-holds-barred conversation, Adewunmi shares how she navigated back-to-back pregnancies while climbing the corporate ladder, why being a woman is NOT an excuse for poor performance, and the one mindset shift that helped her turn a devastating season into her biggest career comeback.

If you're an ambitious woman feeling torn between career and motherhood, this episode will change how you see your choices.

🎧 WHAT YOU'LL LEARN:

- How to navigate career setbacks without quitting (even when quitting feels easier)
- The "100% fallacy" - why you don't need to be perfect in every area of life
- How to protect your career during maternity leave (and come back stronger)
- The difference between making a sacrifice and taking the easy way out
- Why "superwoman" is actually a woman who asks for help
- How to have the conversation with your boss when life throws curveballs
- What re-entering the workforce after a career break REALLY costs you
- Mom guilt vs. career ambition - how to navigate both without resentment

🔥 VIRAL MOMENTS:

[05:32] "Being a woman is not an excuse for poor performance"
[13:46] The 100% fallacy: You don't need to be 100% everywhere
[27:10] How she won a career-defining interview while 8 months pregnant
[37:04] "A superwoman is a woman that is helped"
[53:35] "It doesn't get easier - I'm showing up for women like you"

💼 ABOUT ADEWUNMI ALPHONSO:

Adewunmi is a career strategist, HR professional, and high-performance coach who helps ambitious women navigate career transitions without sacrificing their identities. After having two babies in one year and refusing to quit, she built a thriving career while raising her family - and now teaches other women how to do the same.

Connect with Adewunmi:
LinkedIn: Adewunmi Alphonso
Instagram: @yourhrlady

📌 RESOURCES MENTIONED:

- The Wheel of Life framework
- Seasons approach to career planning
- Track record of excellence strategy

🎙️ ABOUT THRIVE CAREERS PODCAST:

Hosted by Olajumoke Fatoki (Women Podcasters Awards 2025 Winner), Thrive Careers delivers unfiltered career strategies for ambitious professionals - especially newcomers to Canada and women navigating complex career decisions.

New episodes every week. Subscribe so you don't miss the next one.

#CareerAdvice #WorkingMom #WomenInLeadership #CareerStrategy #MomGuilt #MaternityLeave #AmbitiousWomen #CareerBreak #ThriveCareers

Transcript

[00:07] INTRODUCTION

OLA: All right. So we had such a rich conversation during our pre-chat the other day, and I just wished it was the live recording already. I can't wait for us to let our listeners—and the women who tune in to this show—in on what we have in store for them today.

I'm so excited because this is really a no-holds-barred conversation. We are letting it all out, as vulnerable as can be, so people can learn and take the lessons away from here.

So my very first question for you today: Are you ready?

ADEWUNMI: Yes!

OLA: Awesome. So you told me this in that conversation, but let me just go ahead with the question. You had two babies in one year. You resumed from maternity leave and found out that you were pregnant again.

Two questions in one: When you discovered that, how did you honestly feel? And what were you mostly afraid of in that moment?

[01:23] THE MOMENT OF DISCOVERY

ADEWUNMI: All right. Thank you. I think this is the first formal session I'm sharing this experience, right?

So I just had a baby—my first baby. Career woman. My career had been going well. Got married, had a baby, and all the excitement. Everybody was excited at work. I was working in a big FMCG company, and everything was great.

I resumed back from maternity leave. Maternity leave was four months. So I resumed back to work, all pumped, excited to get back in. I mean, I had mostly guys in my team, so I couldn't just wait to be back with energy, to be sure I hadn't missed anything. And the world was great. Everything was going on fine.

One month after I resumed—second month—I started feeling funny. But I never thought it would be pregnancy because, you know, I just had a baby.

Then the shocker came when I decided to do a test. I mean, somebody saw me at work and was like, "Is it that your tummy hasn't gone down, or there's another baby?" And we just laughed it off, right?

Then I did the pregnancy test, and it came out positive.

I was devastated.

Honestly speaking, yes, children are a gift from God. I was legally married. It's expected I'll have kids. But for a career woman, it was quite different.

I just resumed from a four-month break. And how do I begin to explain that I'm back at work with another pregnancy?

So a lot of things were going on in my mind. First, yes, the impacts on my body. But absolutely, that did not bother me as much as the impact on my career.

Because how do I explain that back-to-back, I'll be away for four months each year? You're not even present the entire year as a woman. You have stiff competition with the male. You have baggage to carry. You're married. You have so many things going on with you biologically.

Now imagine I will be away four months the previous year, four months the following year. And that's even for me. For the organization, it feels like eight months of them paying salary with no ROI.

So I had a lot of things going on in my head: Was I going to miss the next promotion?

For somebody that was a high flyer before babies came, I was really worried. And it didn't make it any easier that the first person I told was my boss, and the look on her face was worrying for me.

So it was just a lot. Will I lose my place in the talent pool? Would this slow me down career-wise?

All of those came at a rush before I now started thinking about the biological impact on my body, raising the kids. So it was not a very interesting experience. I was confused. I was not happy. I should have been happy. Children are gifts from God. But for a career woman like myself, it was totally different.

But then again, it turned out for good, which I know I'll get a chance to talk about during the course of this session.

[05:32] NAVIGATING THE CONVERSATION WITH YOUR BOSS

OLA: Absolutely. Awesome, awesome. Just diving in a little bit further on that question before we move to the next one: Can you tell us a little bit about how you were able to navigate that conversation?

I understand the biological changes with you as a woman, but now in the area of your career—you left four months, it's looking like eight months—how can we account for this? And I know what that language feels like as an HR person as well. So how were you able to navigate that conversation with your boss, with the management?

ADEWUNMI: Okay. So the first thing I would say is you have to have established a track record of excellence. It's a non-negotiable.

I mean, I walked up to my boss. The first thing my husband said at home was, "Maybe you should just take a career break. Resign, sort out this having-baby phase, then you can get back later on when you're in a better headspace into the career space."

I got sound counsel from someone, and he said, "Just think about it like you're on a journey. Currently, you are maybe 60% of the journey. If you choose to opt out, by the time you are coming back, you'll be starting from zero, not 60. So how about you re-strategize this season of your life and remap it to say, 'This is my reality. How can I turn things around for my good in a way?'"

So I had that conversation. I just jettisoned the idea of resigning and I said, "Okay, it is what it is. It will mean a lot of work for me in this space. It would also mean I needed to leverage my support system. And at the same time, I needed to pull all my strength to still deliver excellence."

I have always been determined that being a woman would never be an excuse for people to look away from my substandard performance.

So having that at the back of my mind, I didn't want people to see anything that I did or I do and say, "Okay, we understand because she's a woman." There's already a problem when people have to start making such excuses for you.

So I had to tell myself, "You know what, what changes will I need to make in this season? And how do I use this season to the best of my advantage?"

So I had a conversation with my boss to say, "This is the situation I've found myself in. I mean, I'm still ready to give it my very best. I will show up, I'll do quality work, but this is the reality I'm facing."

My boss was surprised, but because she knows the level of excellence I deliver on the job—and even with the first baby while I was pregnant, I would still show up with maximum quality in terms of the work that I put out—all she just said was, "This is going to be tough, but I know you. I know your track record. So everything will be all right."

And that gave me huge relief.

And so now I would always say, as a woman, you have to have built your support system. You also have to have women that have gone ahead of you that you can leverage their strengths during seasons like this.

So that was it. I just needed to reprioritize things. I thought right after the first baby, I was going to look for another job, a more taxing job, and all of that. So I had to re-strategize to say, "This season, I'm pregnant. It's not the time to start job-hopping or trying to be visible. This is the season for stability. I have two babies I need to care for, and I wasn't ready to also opt out of the labor market."

So I just needed to be stable and use it as a season to grow my roots downward, grow depth.

So during my maternity leave, I was studying when I could. Because this idea of "when baby's sleeping, you sleep"—it never really works, right? So as much as I could, I wasn't working, but I was investing in myself, also nurturing my kids.

So I knew it wasn't a season where all things were going to be on trend. But I knew I needed to leverage that season for the next season. So yes, it looks like I'm not shining in this season, but my comeback was going to do good for it.

[11:19] THE 100% FALLACY

OLA: Love it. Love it. Love it. And I know we are definitely going into that strategy very, very soon, but before we get there, there was something you said that I thought was very profound. And I just wanted to reiterate that: Being a woman is not an excuse for poor performance.

Can we say that like a hundred times? A lot of women need to wake up to that reality, and that's where the world is going today. Let people not make that statement on you—that "Oh, it's because it's a woman." I mean, it's very condescending, and we need to change that narrative as much as possible. And thank you for being a leading voice in that space and showing that these things are really possible.

So I just needed to spotlight that because that was really very profound.

All right, so we are moving into the numbers now, and you already touched on it before. You called it a fallacy again during our conversation—that pressure to be 100% at every time, at every point in our lives.

So in that season that you just described for us now, were you tempted to still feel like you were trying to be everything to everyone? And how did you shift from the perfection, the 100%, to sustainability? What did that look like for you?

ADEWUNMI: Thank you. So before getting married, I had a plan. I'm a planner. That is who I am. I'm a systems-and-structure person. That's how I'm able to function at a high-performing level.

So prior to getting married, I said, "Okay, I was going to have a baby here, one year into my marriage. Then I'll wait it out, maybe year four, year five before baby two comes into the system, so that my career could grow at the pace in which I was nurturing my kids."

And when life hit me in the face—like I had two babies in the same year, in twelve months, I had popped out two healthy babies—that meant my whole plan was going to change and things turned around.

And for somebody that is a high-performing, perfectionist kind of person, somebody that plans and whose system had been wired like every aspect of my life needed to be on trend every time, I needed to always show up with my A-game and all.

But in that season—it was one of the things I had mentioned—one of my mentors had spoken to me about seasons when it comes to being a career woman and all of that.

If you're familiar with the wheel of life, there are different circles in your life—things you basically hold very dear. Maybe your spiritual life, your health, your children, your marriage, your relationships, right?

So I asked the idea that to be a high-performing person, every one of these areas had to be 100.

But that season of my life showed me that it's not 100 all around. It's you prioritizing what is important in each season without neglecting the other aspects.

So I had thought it was supposed to be 100 across the different spheres of my life, but that season taught me: It's okay if in that season, children and my health were 100 while my career was a 70 or a 60. It did not mean I had failed. It just meant I was re-strategizing for the next season.

Because in reality, if my health wasn't fine, if my kids weren't fine, there's no way I was going to be able to bounce back even in subsequent seasons to come.

So the first thing is to get that mindset clear: That you are not failing because of this season you are in.

And for some career women, it might not be kids. It might be a season of maybe you've just been laid off and another job isn't coming. You are used to being a high flyer, and life happens—you lost your job. And another one isn't coming in the immediate.

It doesn't mean you have failed. It doesn't mean you have stopped being a high-performing woman. It just means you are in a season, and you need to re-strategize and use that season to your advantage.

Because whether you like it or not, that season is either going to serve as a catalyst for your next season, or it's totally going to ground you and there'll be no moving forward. So it's up to you.

So that season of me having two kids, I understood it for what it was. And I was able to get clarity that in this season, this is priority. So the fact that I'm not in the world of work in that period or in those number of months does not mean I have lost, does not mean I am out. I'm still an employee because I'm on maternity leave.

But that doesn't mean I'm shutting the door to my career. It just means I'm prioritizing what is important as of now.

Remember I said yes, my career was not 100 at that time. It had dropped to a 70. But I used that season to nurture my kids, to even get to know a part of me I didn't know existed.

I think that season taught me resilience. And when I find people—maybe founders—talking to me now to say, "I feel my business is going to pack up," or "This is going to happen," somehow I always say from my experience, this is a season, and how you handle this season determines the next phase.

So it helps you build resilience. Whatever your business or your company is going through, there is a next. There is a coming back, depending on how you handle this current season.

So that was the period, that maternity period, was the time when I said, "When I'm back at work, what was the next phase of my career? What do I want it to look like?"

That was the season I started researching, crafting my visibility strategy. I told myself I wanted it to be like I just resumed from maternity leave and everybody's asking, "What happened? Did you birth something else apart from a child?"

That was literally what was in my head: "This baby, I birthed a baby, but I also birthed purpose."

So that was what was in my head. But remember, priority was being healthy mentally, physically, and my kids being okay.

So at that time, I had friends getting new jobs, relocating to other countries, doing—and I was stuck with two babies. But I didn't feel bad because I had gotten clarity on what that season is about: prioritizing, knowing what takes the front seat in this season.

So I didn't feel bad. People were getting promotions. I didn't feel bad because I understood where I was in that time.

So I did short. It was a whole lot. I mean, I had two babies who wake up in the middle of the night, cry. I mean, they were both under one. So it was a lot. But mentally, I knew what the season was supposed to birth.

I also had a support system. So if a woman is in this phase, leverage your support system. There's nothing called being a superwoman. A superwoman is a woman that is helped. Yes, a superwoman is a woman that is helped—helped by God, helped by people, helped by resources. That's really it.

So don't let the fallacy that you want to put up a particular persona to the world actually become a weight that you crumble under.

Understand your seasons, understand your reality, and know what you want that season to bring for you.

[20:05] NEVER LET A CRISIS SEASON GO TO WASTE

OLA: Amazing, amazing, Adewunmi. I got so locked in myself. Very, very interesting. And a lot of things jumped at me. I wish I had a pen. I wish I could just repeat everything verbatim. But that was really, really wonderful.

Understanding the season that you are in and also trying not to compare yourself with other people.

And I think that's where the real issue is, because when someone starts to play the comparison game—"This person we graduated together, this is where they are, this is where I am"—that's when you start to put that unnecessary pressure on yourself.

And if there's something that I heard you say, and which for me is how I'll perfectly describe it: Giving yourself grace. Give yourself grace to navigate the different seasons that you are in.

I always tell people that as our faces are different—and I don't even know if that's in the scripture or something, but it's hitting me like a scriptural reference—that's how our needs, that's how our purpose is. That's how what we are supposed to achieve in our lives are also different.

So there's no reason to compare. Give yourself grace as a woman to navigate that season. I mean, look at what Adewunmi did. And I think that's really spectacular: understanding that you can make the most of that season.

I had to write this one down so I don't forget. And I know we had someone in our lives at a point who always says this a lot. If I say it, you will remember: Never let a crisis season go to waste.

There is an amazing energy that comes from that season that you are in, especially if you've realized that it's a season, it's a phase.

And that's something I wanted to also say. Sometimes a lot of people tend to see it as a destination, whereas it's just a passing-through. It's a journey. And then they make conclusive decisions in a season that was still going to transform into other seasons.

So this was really very profound. Thank you for sharing that with us. What you were able to bring out of that season. And I love this when you said you came out and people were like, "Okay, you didn't just come out with a baby. You went for a rebranding course." You came out for the fight.

And that's very, very—the reason why we are sharing this is to let a lot of people know that it is possible. It's very possible. If you can do it, every woman out there can also do it, especially if you're really desirous, if you're ambitious, if you don't want to crumble—I don't know how you put that. I think it was really profound as well—crumble under the weight of pressure.

No. It's a season. You can rise from it. And Adewunmi has proven that. A lot of women have been able to prove that as well. And you can also do it.

[24:01] PLANNING FOR THE SEASON BEFORE IT ARRIVES

OLA: So let's move on in our conversation today. You sort of referenced it as we were talking in our previous questions: how you made a decision before even getting married about how you were going to—and I think the big word is the fact that you are a planner, someone who leans on structure and all of that.

So I don't know how to ask that question because I know that for some people, they don't even know until they get into those things. And then that's when they now start—it's like a reactive approach. But what you had was more like a proactive approach. You already planned it ahead. Of course, life happened, but it was still easy for you to lean on the structure.

ADEWUNMI: Exactly.

OLA: Because there was something there that you could lean on.

So my question is: What prompted you to really make that deliberate decision early in your marriage to prioritize stability over visibility and career? Again, like I said, you already sort of hinted about it, but let's go more deeper into it. Did you ever feel like you were falling behind at those points, and what did that decision ultimately produce for you?

ADEWUNMI: All right. So as women, our lives are probably more seasonal than men, the male counterparts, right?

So I'd always known I was going to get married. I'd always known I wanted to have kids. And I was also in tune with the reality of birthing a life and the expectations.

So if this is something you desire, you have to really take your time to understand the end-to-end what this means.

It will be lack of awareness if you desire to get married and have kids and you think it will not have an impact on your career. In fact, I would say that would be your first major mistake. And that is what really causes things.

So I had known that. I mean, you have kids, you would need to give your maternity leave for a period of time to nurture that child. Even though—no matter how effective you are after going back to work—your child will have to visit the hospital for immunization, for one or two things. So they will need you, particularly in the first one year after you give birth to this child.

So I'd always known that. And in planning my career, I had also factored these things into it.

So if you're a career woman, you want to get married, you want to have kids, you need to actually start planning for this period, this phase. And actually not just planning—understanding the implication on your career.

So I knew I was going to get married. I already knew that the first five years post getting married for me, I would not be job-hopping.

So that I would also—whatever job I'll be doing in that season—it had to be a job that will give me stability. So I knew I couldn't be doing a job that required me to be traveling a lot. I couldn't be doing a job that was at a far distance from my home.

I already had those things, and I knew that that meant that I was going to be sacrificing my finances in a way, because the kind of job that will pay you so much money might come with these things I did not want.

So I had known ahead of time, and I was fine with that decision.

So you need to plan. You need to know. And if you find yourself in that season or it just happens to you—if it is something you want—you just need to know the sacrifices that are involved in this season of your life and make peace with it, really, so that you don't become dissatisfied and eventually your unhappiness begins to impact people around you.

So for me, I had known all of these things. So it was not a surprise I was going to end. That did not mean that I did not still put in quality work.

[27:10] WINNING A CAREER-DEFINING INTERVIEW WHILE 8 MONTHS PREGNANT

ADEWUNMI: I remember that I won one career-defining internal interview while I was eight months pregnant with my first child.

When my name was put on the list for people that were being considered for that promotion, my boss called me. She said, "You are heavily pregnant, and this internal interview is rigorous. Everybody knows. The fact that your name was on the list is even because you had a track record of success. So imagine you being heavily pregnant and you want to go through this phase."

So she had asked me, "Do you think they should step your name down and they'll put you in the next year?"

If I had said yes, I was also pregnant in the next year!

So I just said, "No, no, no, no, no, I'm going to do this."

And it was rigorous. There were times I had to sit with my other colleagues nominated for this interview to study till 9 p.m. at night before my husband would come and pick me at work. I had to stay all night sometimes studying for this interview.

And the very first one I presented myself in, when the members of the board saw my tummy, one of them started laughing. And he said, "Why are you putting this young lady through distress?"

But guess what? At the end of this whole interview for this promotion, one of the panelists—I can't remember his statement clearly, but what he said, I will paraphrase—was like, "This lady came with the answers to the questions in her belly."

Because I ended up ranking top in the interview despite my condition.

So for me then, I felt I wasn't going to look for jobs externally, but if there are opportunities, I will show up properly that would warrant me a promotion. And I will do everything physically possible within my power at that time.

Yes, there were days where I felt sick, I couldn't show up. But nobody took it in a funny way because they know. There were times my boss would be the one to say, "Pregnant woman, go home. You should be tired."

So the seasons are the times where I couldn't show up because I was ill. Nobody was worried because they knew: For her to not show up, she must really be not feeling good.

So I hope that answers your question.

[32:13] SACRIFICE VS. THE EASY WAY OUT

OLA: Yes, it does. Thank you so much. Something I heard you say—or something that stood out for me—is the fact that there's something about having that track record even before you would need it. I don't know how to put that and get it out the way I really want to say it: Before you need it.

Sometimes you need to have put in that work so that when you need it, it's very easy for people to see you from that perspective. So if you have been failing in your duties, for instance, not even knowing what life had in store for you, then what we are saying today would have been different.

Women, let's try to up our games a lot more. Let people not just give us things because "Okay, she's a woman, let's just allow it."

ADEWUNMI: Diversity balance.

OLA: Exactly. Let that not be the case. Let it be that you're truly deserving and you are competing side-to-side, shoulder-to-shoulder with your male counterparts. That's the kind of world that we are looking to build.

All right. So again, I don't want to forget something very important that you said, and I want us to go deeper a little bit in it. And that's the aspect of sacrifice when it comes to our lives as women.

You said those things—for some women, it's difficult to make peace with: "I'll let go of my promotion just to take care of a child." It's different from different women. Let's just put it that way.

[Pausing to find the question] It was going to tie that to something—that sacrifice that women make. And it was a very important question.

[Long pause] It will come. The mistake I made was not writing it down, like I wrote the other one down, because it was like a follow-up question from what you were saying that was very closely related. But I would ask it, yes.

ADEWUNMI: And speaking about sacrifices, I just—one thing I wanted to add was whatever you feel you are missing out on now, you will recover in subsequent seasons.

So I remember then, I mean, I couldn't travel. I couldn't get the jobs. But immediately after that five-year window of my life was done, the opportunities started coming.

Remember that in the season of birthing kids, I was also birthing intentionality for my career.

So after that season, I was able to become visible. Now, the traveling I felt I was missing out on then—it's just for me to think: Look at my account balance, swipe the card, and I'm on the next plane. Right?

So you are not missing out. It's a phase. You would catch up. Whatever job you want to change, you will change it down the line. Whatever you want to go to, you will go to.

But you still look at your kids and you see them growing, flourishing, blossoming. And it will all be worked through eventually.

OLA: Amazing. Thank you. And of course, now you've reminded me.

So we talked about this during our pre-chat: this sacrifice that women think they are making when they feel like they are pushing aside their career to focus on their kids. And they are not being strategic about it, because that's where the difference is.

You did something similar, but you were really strategic about it. And it was obvious at the end of that phase. But a lot of women feel like, "Okay, let me just stay with the kids." And at the end of the day, some of them fall into resentment because they pushed their career aside. They couldn't become—they couldn't get to the top of their career or become what they planned for themselves just because they feel, "Okay, life has brought that."

As women, there's a time that life brings us that question of choice: Do you want to face your career, or do you want to nurture your kids? Life doesn't present us that there is an in-between, which was, I think, beautifully covered with the "not being 100%." You can be at 70% in one and then move to the other.

So my question is for women who are giving up on the altar of sacrifice—and I'm saying that very carefully as well—just because they feel like, "Okay, let me just face my kids."

Those kids are going to grow up and become who they want to be. And then you'll be the one feeling sorry for yourself at the end of the day.

Do you have something to say to this?

ADEWUNMI: Okay. So I have the nice version and the not-so-nice version. And I would like to start with the not-so-nice version.

Motherhood, being a woman in general, can be very challenging. But for women, whatever decision you are going to make, you need to be sure and ask yourself sincerely: Am I choosing this option because it's the easy option, or is this really the only option I have?

I've seen women say, "Because of my children, I can't take my children to the daycare, so I'll just leave the job." But if you actually sit yourself down: Was that the only option you had, or that was the easy option to take?

Yes, some people—that could have been their only option. But we have seen cases where some people just chose the easy way out. Because being a career woman is even hard with or without kids. It's hard enough. And sometimes the reward may not match the level of energy, particularly at a time or in a period of time.

So you need to ask yourself: Am I making this decision really because that's the only one you need to make?

I've seen women—I've coached women—that will say, "I am a career woman. I wanted to do career and all of that. I sacrificed it for my children."

And by the time you go into a coaching session, ask questions, you realize that no, you didn't sacrifice it for the children. You sacrificed it because that was the easy way out. Because being a career woman is already hard. So motherhood just then comes for some as the easiest option to take. And of course, the visible one.

So you need to be—yes, for some people, that's their reality. That's the only option they have to leave the career space and just go the other way. But for some, you could have managed that season.

Like in my case, I knew I wasn't changing jobs. I knew I couldn't at that time make more money, become more visible, grow my career, accelerate things for myself. But I didn't. That was the sacrifice I made.

So as a woman, you need to ask yourself—because you don't want to grow old and be resentful.

So if you are in this season, this is what you are battling now, this is what you are dealing with now: This is the time for you to harness all the resilience there is that you can harness. This is the time for you to say, before I drop the towel, before I give up on this dream of mine, what else can I do in this season? What can I leverage?

I've seen people say, "Oh, I don't like people living in my house. I want to be the one to raise my kids. So that's why I left my job."

What's important to you?

Do you want to look back and be resentful?

If I had quit my job when I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I would be very bitter now. Because I had always known that I wanted to do career.

And trust me, my kids will probably—looking at the kids I've now raised—they'll come home to me and say, "Mommy, my classmate's mom is a pilot. This person is a this."

I can imagine how I would have felt if my kids would go back and say, "And my mom is a stay-at-home mom." It may not make another woman feel bad. I mean, if that is the decision they chose for themselves and they did not feel like they were forced to make that decision.

So if you're a woman, ask yourself: What do you want for you?

And that's why it's important that every woman knows who they are. Beyond being a Mrs. A. Beyond being the mommy of baby A, baby B. Who are you as a person?

Thread the identity that you garnered on your journey. You became a missus at some point. You became a mummy at some point. Before all of those titles, who are you?

And that would be like your guiding compass. Yes, you make sacrifices on the way. Life throws curveballs. You walk through it and all of that. But you should not lose sight of you as a person.

Because a happy wife, a happy mom, is the one that can then pour into the children, into their home, pour into the society.

So that's what I would say to you if this is the season you are in: What are the options available to you that would ensure that the you in you doesn't disappear in the process?

[41:17] THE BRUTAL TRUTH ABOUT CAREER BREAKS

OLA: I love that. "The you in you doesn't disappear in the process." And that's very, very important. Thank you so much.

All right. So from your HR perspective—pardon me—you've seen women consider resigning. And I know we've touched on this. The questions are interwoven for obvious reasons.

So you've seen women consider resigning because it feels like that's the only way to cope. Again, that's what we just said.

So what do women not fully understand about what stepping out of the workforce can cost them in the long run? I want us to really spotlight that. That's the reason I'm bringing up this question, because I could have let it go because we somehow touched on it.

But what could it cost them in the long run? Because if more people can see what it would cost them in the long run, maybe they will make a better decision and not take the easy way out, like we've just established now.

So do you want to tell us a little bit about that?

ADEWUNMI: So the career—the world of work—has become extremely competitive. It's not like it used to be in those days. And by those days, I'm even talking about ten years ago, five years. And it will continue to remain as competitive.

I mean, now we have the gig economy coming to disrupt the traditional workplace. We have the age demography. You have somebody in grade five, grade six already doing internships. So there are a lot of things happening in the world of work, and it has become more challenging in this space.

So if you are a mom thinking, "Let me take a step back and I will come back," I will advise you: Not to accept that is the only option you have.

People that are not even stepping out of the world of work are struggling due to the rigorous competition to remain visible, to climb the career ladder. How much more when you then choose to take a break?

By the time—let's assume you were on the fifth step of a ladder, and you said, "Due to one reason or the other, I'm taking a break, I'll be back"—by the time you are coming back, you are not coming back on level five. Because the world of work you were at when you were on level five will be totally different by the time you are coming back. So you are going to start from zero, not the level five you left.

I have women that I'm coaching now that took a step back to say, "Let me raise my kids. When my kids grow to a particular age, I would come back."

By then it becomes a tough one because they have skill gap, skill atrophy. A lot of things have gone south.

Imagine somebody that when they left the world of work, it was a typewriter that was in vogue, trying to come back now. It's going to be very difficult.

Aside from it being difficult, the competition—you are putting out vacancies for roles, the job description, the job evaluation—you already have thousands of people that are qualified for the role. So before you are even being given consideration, it will take a while, and that one will further dampen your morale.

You are better off remaining in a race. Even though you are not first or second, you are in the race. You are better off than standing out and trying to join the race when everybody had gone way ahead of you.

It will cost you so much, man. A lot of women are now unable to just come back, and they then move to maybe business or doing other things, which is okay if that is what you want to do.

But if that is not what you want, a lot of women were forced. They'll tell you that was the lemon life gave to them.

I'm coaching a number of women now that are trying to get into the world of work. It's difficult. Yes, they are trying to put in the work. They are showing up in coaching sessions. But by the time I'm even explaining, "You need to be visible, you need to skip work"—the same things that were roadblocks for them that made them leave the world of work are still there.

So the kids that you left the world of work for then—they will still be your children even when they are married. I mean, I still call my parents when I'm overwhelmed. You would not stop being a mother ten years after.

Yes, the realities might differ, but those responsibilities would always be there.

So if you can leverage all the support you can get and stay in, bending when you are then able to adjust and find your reading, then you opting out and trying to climb again—

So that would be my advice to you.

[45:08] WHY COACHING MATTERS MORE THAN A MASTER'S DEGREE

OLA: Thank you. Thank you.

So let's talk about what that support looks like in practical terms for women who are at that verge. Because like you said, you're coaching a lot of women. As you were speaking out, I remembered one woman who attended one of my sessions that I facilitated, and she's trying to get back into the workforce. She feels very rusty, and we had to start all over again. Look at her LinkedIn profile that she hasn't touched in years. It's just a whole lot.

And I just feel like let's help a lot of women right now. So what does that seeking for help look like in practical terms? What should they be looking out for? Should they sign up for coaching sessions? What does that look like for them?

ADEWUNMI: All right. I think the very first thing I always start with is get clarity. The fastest way to get clarity is seek coaching.

A lot of people feel like coaching is expensive, but trust me, you are better off running fast and in the right direction than running fast in the wrong direction. You will come back.

So when a lot of people just wake up to say—a lot of women—"So I want to go back into the world of work," you find people, the first thing they will do is already pick up a master's degree form or "Let me do this," or "No."

You need clarity. You need somebody that would sit with you and do an assessment of where you are, where you want to be, and then hold your hand in crafting an action plan to fill the void of the gap that exists between your current and your future—which is what coaching does.

So don't—it ends up becoming a waste of money. Like in the country I mean, a lot of women, when they want to go back into the system—I don't know who amplified that advice to them. I don't know. But the first thing they all do is they pick up a master's form.

And they expend a lot of money, resources, energy. Then they come back to, "Oh, I was told to do it. Myself, I've done it. Yet the job isn't coming."

Because that wasn't the first step to be taken.

So if you are in that situation, you need to sit with a career coach. Because sometimes—the job markets you left and the job market of now, not even sometimes, it's the reality. The job markets you left and the job markets we have now are two different worlds.

And before you jump into solutions, you have to know what the diagnosis is. So you are applying the right medication, and that is what a coach will do for you.

Some might even totally need to change career path, totally need to come up with something that will fit into your current lifestyle.

So that's a major thing you need to do: Get a coach that would work with you on this journey so that you are not running fast in the wrong direction.

[47:43] HOW WOMEN JUDGE OTHER WOMEN (AND HOW TO PROTECT YOUR PEACE)

OLA: Awesome. That is so, so, so profound. Clarity over everything. Trust me. Thank you so much.

All right. So we are bringing this to a close. So two last questions.

All right. So we've talked a lot about women and some of these barriers and challenges and everything. But during our pre-chat, one thing both of us agreed on was the fact that sometimes women are often the loudest when it comes to judging their fellow women.

So how were you able to protect your own peace, and how did you stay anchored during that path for you during that season?

ADEWUNMI: All right. So that is what it is. And in this month of March, one thing I always say is the women's month in March. Yes, we have lots of themes for International Women's Day and the likes. And most times it feels like we women are preaching to the men—like "Each for Equal," "Give to Gain," and all of that.

But sometimes these things are even to ourselves, because I have realized that women are more judgmental of each other than we think.

You expect that a fellow woman like you would understand what you're going through and not judge you and all of that. But we've realized that can be different sometimes.

But whatever season you are going through, the first thing you need to do is surround yourself with women that are empathic, probably women that can understand what you're going through. Because the counsel you get per season determines how that season pans out for you.

I remember then that when I was considering maybe I should resign, even my own biological mom supported the notion because she saw how stressed I was. So she just wanted to do anything to just make sure her child is fine, she's okay. And if that meant leaving the job, that's okay.

And I remember I was talking in recent years, and she was like she's so grateful to God I did not make that—I did not take that decision to leave the world of work. Like each time she thinks about it, she just always says, "Thank God for this girl's resilience," because I'll probably not have gotten back into the space.

Because guess what? "Oh, one year you'll get back." Probably now, people will tell you, "Wait, let your child crawl. Wait, let your child start school. Wait, let—okay, just wait for your child to be ten." Then there's really nothing you're going back to.

So we women, we need to extend support.

I mean, currently I work with another woman that she experienced something similar to my own journey. And I understood because I had been in a position, and I was able to give the required support.

So whether you have experienced something similar to what a woman is going through or otherwise, extend support.

If a woman woke up to me to say you want to leave the world of work, I will counsel you to see if there are other options you can take. But if there is not, if that is all you can do, I will equally extend my support to you. Right?

And that is what we need to do.

But for you as a woman, reach out. I know a couple of women now that have been talking to me. In fact, I have a chat with one of them after this call that she just had the baby. She's finding it difficult to stabilize.

So having someone like myself around, she would just ask me to say, "How did you navigate this? What did you do? I'm feeling like a bad mother having to leave my child to go to work. How do you overcome such feelings?"

And I may be, yes, I'm able to be a sounding board to say your mom guilt would always be there. But one thing I always tell myself is I am doing it for my children. I am giving them practical example of what is possible.

Life will always throw curveballs at you. Motherhood sometimes—and those sacrifices might look like the curveballs—but it can be so many other things. How resilient can you be in the face of these challenges? And that is the message I'm preaching to my children.

When they need me to show up at school events, I would show up. But each time, I also sit them down to explain to them and make sure that they understand.

So as a woman, lend support to other women. If you are going through a journey, also look for women that have gone through seasons that you are in so that you can leverage on their strengths. They can also tell you what practical steps they took and that worked for them during that season.

[53:02] FINAL MESSAGE TO AMBITIOUS WOMEN

OLA: Awesome. Awesome. Thank you so much, Adewunmi.

So this brings us to our final question for the day. How are you feeling right now?

ADEWUNMI: Great! I like talking about women and career, so I'm feeling good.

OLA: I know, I know. Two things that get you excited, and same here as well.

So thank you so much for this amazing conversation. You have no idea how many women we have helped just by sharing these things. Because if more people like you, like myself, can come out and share these stories—how we've been able to navigate those journeys—maybe another time I would also get to share my own journey as well and still show up.

I think it's going to liberate a lot of women, and I'm happy that we are putting this together to help fellow women.

All right. So our final question for today is: If you could speak directly—so this is just bringing it all together, like your final takeaway, right?

So if you could speak to the ambitious woman who is listening to this episode right now—the one who feels tired, who feels behind, who feels unsure—what would you say to her?

ADEWUNMI: Yeah.

You need to just continue to show up.

Trust me, every woman that you are seeing out there on the forefront, shattering the glass ceiling, probably feels exactly the way you feel right now. But you really do not know because you are seeing them at the zenith.

And I remember sitting next to a woman that I really look up to on the board—powerful woman in the country I'm in. And you know this thing they say: elevator pitch. And I wasn't looking to pitch anything. I just wanted to ask her, "Does it get easier as you go up?"

And she looked me in the eyes and said, "Adewunmi, it doesn't get easier. But I'm showing up for women like you to show you what is possible."

And that blew my mind. That it doesn't get easier.

And she used examples like she's still anxious when she's going for speaking engagements. She said, "But she would show up in those rooms, and you would not know it."

So she made me realize that whatever I think I'm feeling—because I feel I'm at this level—will probably never go away. It will probably always be there.

But you are doing it for the women that are coming behind you. For the women that are looking at or looking for somebody to show them what is possible. And that is why you cannot afford to quit. You just have to continue to show up.

If probably—if I had packed my bag and just left the world of work and all of that to say, "Two babies in one year, never heard it before, it's not going to happen, I'm done"—I'll probably not be on this podcast.

But I am here and able to share some of these things that has worked with you because I stayed resilient in spite and regardless of what was going on in that season.

So the next generation coming is waiting on you that you are listening to me to write your story, to show them what exactly is possible. So you're painting a picture. You're telling a story for the world that is coming. And that world includes your children, the wives of your children, and so many other people.

So ask yourself: What story do I want to tell?

[55:18] CLOSING & CONNECT WITH ADEWUNMI

OLA: Wow. That was inspirational. What life would your story tell?

That's amazing. And there's no better way to round off this conversation on that note. Thank you so much once again, Adewunmi. We called you, you answered, and you showed up.

This was highly informative. It was entertaining. It was just everything.

I know that there will be just one aspect—everything might not resonate with every woman because of course we all wear different hats, we have different things going on for different people—but I'm sure that one point of this conversation would resonate.

So thank you so much for sharing your very inspiring story with us.

I know that a lot of people would also like to connect with you based on this conversation. They would like to interact with you. So I'm sure the DMs are probably open right now. You're ready to take on more.

So please tell us: How can people reach out to you after now?

ADEWUNMI: All right. So you can reach out to me via my LinkedIn profile: Adewunmi Alphonso. The Alphonso is A-L-P-H-O-N-S-O. You can look me up on LinkedIn and send me a DM.

Or you can check me out on Instagram at @yourhrlady. You already see my pretty face on the display, so you'll be able to recognize. So just shoot me a DM, and we'll take it up from there.

OLA: Amazing. Thank you so much for sharing with us.

And thank you, our wonderful listeners, for joining us today. We are so glad we've been able to share this very important conversation with you.

And once again, happy International Women's Day to every woman out there breaking the glass ceilings and doing amazing work. We are so proud of you, and we want to see more of what you can do.

Thank you so much for joining us today. And until I come your way again next time, keep thriving and keep doing life the way you're meant to do it.

Bye!

KEY QUOTES FROM THIS EPISODE

On Excellence:

• "Being a woman is not an excuse for poor performance."
• "You have to have established a track record of excellence. It's a non-negotiable."

On Seasons:

• "You are not failing because of this season you are in."
• "It's not 100 all around. It's you prioritizing what is important in each season without neglecting the other aspects."
• "This is a season, and how you handle this season determines the next phase."

On Support:

• "There's nothing called being a superwoman. A superwoman is a woman that is helped."

On Career Breaks:

• "By the time you are coming back, you are not coming back on level five. You are going to start from zero."
• "You are better off running fast in the right direction than running fast in the wrong direction."

On Identity:

• "Beyond being a Mrs. A. Beyond being the mommy of baby A, baby B. Who are you as a person?"
• "What are the options available to you that would ensure that the you in you doesn't disappear in the process?"

On Sacrifice vs. Easy Way Out:

• "Am I choosing this option because it's the easy option, or is this really the only option I have?"

On Resilience:

• "It doesn't get easier. But I'm showing up for women like you to show you what is possible."
• "Ask yourself: What story do I want to tell?"

RESOURCES MENTIONED

• The Wheel of Life framework
• Career coaching for clarity
• Support systems for working mothers
• LinkedIn: Adewunmi Alphonso
• Instagram: @yourhrlady

ABOUT THE GUEST

Adewunmi Alphonso is an HR professional, career strategist, and resilience advocate who specializes in helping ambitious women navigate career transitions without losing their identities. After having two babies in one year and refusing to let that derail her career, she went on to build a thriving professional life while raising her family—and now teaches other women the strategies that worked for her.

ABOUT THE HOST

Olajumoke Fatoki (Ola) is the Founder and CEO of Thrive Careers Consulting and host of Thrive Careers Podcast (Women Podcasters Awards 2025 Winner - Best Careers Podcaster). She is a Certified HR Professional and Career Strategist who specializes in helping newcomers to Canada, mid-career professionals, and career pivoters navigate the job market.

Connect with Ola:

• LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/olajumokefatoki
• Website: thrivecareerconsulting.org

© 2026 Thrive Careers Podcast. All rights reserved.