The Good Student Trap: 5 Habits Holding Smart Women Back at Work

Are your "good student" habits secretly holding your career back?

You did everything right. Got the grades. Stayed responsible. Worked hard. Kept your head down.

So why does the workplace suddenly feel confusing, frustrating, and exhausting?

In this episode of the Thrive Careers Podcast, Olajumoke Fatoki sits down with returning guest Brianne Carlon Rush — COO, hiring leader, and career strategist — to unpack the hidden habits quietly keeping high-achieving women invisible at work.

From perfectionism and people-pleasing to approval addiction and overworking, this conversation reveals why the exact behaviours rewarded in school can sabotage your confidence, visibility, and career growth once you're in the workforce.

If you're entering the workforce, navigating your first few years, or trying to stop shrinking yourself professionally — this episode will completely change how you approach your career.

In This Episode, You'll Learn:

• Why perfectionism is quietly costing talented women promotions and opportunities
• The "extra credit mindset" that keeps women overworked but overlooked
• How to stop being invisible in meetings — and become influential instead
• Why employers (including McKinsey) now care more about your thinking than flawless answers
• The SHIFT Framework for breaking career-limiting habits
• How to use the network you already have to land interviews faster — without cold DMs

Connect with Brianne:

• Post-Grad Networking Rubric - TheIndependenceLab.com/networking
• Subscribe - TheIndependenceLab.com/subscribe
• LinkedIn - https://www.linkedin.com/in/briannecarlonrush/
• TikTok - https://www.tiktok.com/@brianneindependencelab
• Insta - https://www.instagram.com/brianneindependencelab/

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Transcript

Olajumoke Fatoki (00:06): Hi everyone, welcome back to another exciting episode of the Thrive Careers Podcast. I'm your host, Olajumoke Fatoki, and I'm so excited to be back here with you today.

On this episode, we're unpacking the five "good student" habits that quietly stall careers — especially for high-achieving young women stepping into the workforce. And to lead us through this conversation is someone who needs no introduction, because she's been here before.

If you've been a listener of the show, you'll know we had a fantastic time the last time she was on. That episode is actually one of our most downloaded episodes, so I am thrilled to have her back at this critical moment in graduation season to share more career insights with our listeners.

Brianne, thank you so much for joining us again. How have you been since the last time?

Brianne Rush (01:15): Thank you so much for having me back — this is always such a pleasure. I've been great. I've been talking to so many people about interviews and helping new graduates set up a strong foundation now that it's graduation time. So I know we're going to dig into how young people can make a huge impact as they enter their first jobs.

Olajumoke (01:40): Amazing. And I know I said you need no introduction, but for those who might be joining us for the first time — can you quickly share a bit about your background?

Brianne: Yes. My current role is COO at a digital marketing agency, and I've been interviewing and hiring people for the past 12 years. Watching young people navigate the workplace today — and reflecting on my own career coming up — I realized there's so much I could help post-grads with as they navigate the first three years out of college. So we really focus on career, cash, and confidence in everything we talk about.

Olajumoke (02:30): I love that. I'm a firm believer that no one recovers from a poor start. That's why this conversation is so important — before new graduates hit the job market, they need to understand what's expected of them so they can actually thrive. Which is one of our biggest goals on this show.

So Brianne, before we get into the framework — you've been hiring and coaching for over a decade. When did you first notice that the women who looked the most prepared on paper were the ones struggling the most in the workplace?

Brianne (03:15): Yeah — and honestly, I was one of them. I always wanted straight A's. I was hard on myself about getting good grades. And now that I'm running a company and watching young people in the workplace, I've noticed they fall into two camps.

The first camp keeps their heads down, works really hard, and takes on every bit of work given to them — and more. They're very quiet. And what happens is their careers don't grow as fast as someone who is more visible in the workplace.

The other camp are these young women who, when you get them on a one-to-one call, are so anxious. They have so much anxiety. They're thinking, Why isn't this working out? I felt like I was doing it the right way.

So I took the opportunity to look back and ask, why is this happening? And I came up with five reasons — which I know we're going to get into.

Olajumoke (04:30): I love that. We really need to demystify this because so many high-achieving women are caught in this trap. And I'll be honest — I was that woman too. So I'm glad we're going to be liberating people who are in that stage of their lives right now.

Let's get into it. Walk us through these five "good student" habits — and why high-achieving women are the most vulnerable to them.

Brianne (05:00): Yeah. So I want you to think back to yourself in school.

Habit number one is perfectionism. You write a paper, you don't want any red marks on it — you want it to be perfect. In math class, you wanted every answer to be perfect. But at work? It doesn't translate. If you're waiting for everything to be perfect before you send it, before you say it, you are going to fall behind your peers. You need to send the email before you feel ready. You need to raise your hand and speak up in those meetings before you feel that your idea is perfect.

The second habit is waiting to be called on. We all raised our hand for 16 years in school and waited for permission to speak. At work, nobody calls on people with their hands up. If you are invited into a meeting — if you've been given a seat at the table — you have a responsibility to use your voice. It's not about raising your hand. It's about speaking up when you have a thought, an idea, or when you disagree with the direction things are going.

The third habit is the extra credit mindset. We all wanted extra credit, right? If you had a B, you wanted extra credit to push it up to an A. At work, this looks like taking on extra work that doesn't align with the outcome or impact of the company. You're just checking off to-dos. People are asking you to do things that don't actually move the needle — things you won't be rewarded for. That might be busy work coming your way, or it might be the stuff women in particular get cornered into doing — cleaning up the community kitchen, planning the holiday party. If you enjoy that, fine. But if you're doing it hoping it'll make you more visible at work, you're just taking on work that won't be impactful and won't be rewarded.

Habit four is approval addiction. Think about this: in school, you needed your teachers and professors to approve everything — every test, every paper, every assignment. At work, that approval just doesn't come. Your manager doesn't seek you out to say "great job" on everything. And in some workplaces, you may not get feedback until your annual review. That is a real shame. So you cannot let your confidence rely on getting that feedback. You need to seek it out for yourself and make sure you're clear on what you should be delivering.

The fifth habit is agreeability. You might be thinking, Wait, I'm not supposed to be agreeable at work? I'm not saying be hard to work with. What I am saying is — speak up, especially when you disagree. If you're constantly saying, "Yep, I agree," or "I think Sally's right," everybody is just going to see you as someone doing their job and moving along. But when it comes time for people to view you as a leader — to consider you for a promotion — they're going to say, "Well, I've never really seen her lead or have an idea of her own." If you have a different viewpoint, you need to add it to the conversation. Otherwise, they're not going to see you in the right light.

So those are the five: perfectionism, waiting to be called on, the extra credit mindset, approval addiction, and agreeability.

Olajumoke (12:45): Amazing, Brianne. I can see myself in each of those — before I became who I am right now. And because our listeners are predominantly young people who are starting out in their careers or making a pivot, I know this is so important for them.

I want us to dive deeper into at least three of those, so people can really see how they apply and how to start getting out of them. Let's start with extra credit thinking — go for it.

Brianne (13:40): Yeah. A lot of women find themselves wanting to make sure that a project goes smoothly, every i is dotted, every t is crossed. They feel like, If I'm not doing this, it won't be done right, or it won't get done on time. So they're doing all the work. And then when a colleague is struggling, they say, "I'll help you, I'll do it."

What ends up happening is your boss and the people around you start noticing that you're willing to do all of this work. So they say, "Hey, Brianne, can you do this tonight?" Meanwhile, they're going to grab a more strategic, stretch project that helps them show up in a more visible way to leadership — and get better results — while you're stuck on something that didn't even need to be done tonight. They're using that extra time to showcase themselves and the skill sets you also have, but you felt like you had to do the groundwork first.

So to be clear — I'm not saying don't get your work done. If you're responsible for something, do it. But don't take on extra work that won't showcase you. Save that time for a valuable stretch project that will help you learn and help the people around you see your potential.

Olajumoke (15:30): Absolutely. Amazing. Thank you so much.

Now let's talk about perfectionism. And on this one, I want to bring out something you posted recently about McKinsey and their new AI interview. For listeners who haven't seen it: McKinsey is now sitting candidates down with their proprietary AI tool and watching them solve a business problem in real time. They are not testing technical skills — they're testing how you think. So how does perfectionism set women up to fail exactly that kind of test?

Brianne (16:30): Yeah, this is a sign of the times. McKinsey is adding this layer to their interviews specifically for graduates — using the AI bots they've built within their company. So essentially, it's their own version of ChatGPT or Claude that they've created in-house. You may have never had access to this kind of tool before.

In interviews, you're already wound up. You're nervous. You're trying to get every answer perfect. And then they throw this bomb at you — okay, now you're going to do this exercise with our AI that you've never seen before. People with a perfectionist mindset are going to be really perplexed about how to do this round of the interview perfectly.

What I want to say is: McKinsey — and anybody else doing this in interviews right now — is not expecting you to be perfect. But that's what's going to happen in your head. You're going to walk in and think, Oh my gosh, I have to do this perfectly, but I'm not as technical as they think I should be — I'm going to get this wrong. And then it spirals. Perfectionism counts you out before you even have a chance.

So take a deep breath and realize — especially with something like AI — it is not about being perfect. It's about your ability to think strategically about how to use the tool. That's all it is. It's a tool, and there's no perfect way to use it. What they're looking at is: How does she think? How does she interact with the tool? Can she tell when the bot is lying to her? Can she push back?

Because I think that's where perfectionism is going to bite people. The AI is going to tell them something inaccurate, and they'll be too nervous to push back. That's the time to dig in, realize you don't need to be perfect, and push back. Use the logical, strategic self you already have alongside the tool they're giving you.

It's brand new, everybody is trying to figure it out, but please, please — know you don't have to be perfect. And in fact, trying to be may be the very thing that costs you the job.

Olajumoke (18:50): I love that — do not try to be perfect. What they're really looking out for is your thought process and your ability to push back. Thank you so much.

Now let's go to the last one — people-pleasing. A lot of people fall into this category. What do you have to say?

Brianne (19:15): This is a tough one because you want people to like you at work. But there's a difference between being invisible and being influential.

If you're agreeing with everything, you just become another yes-person at the table — and you become invisible. The ideas being put out aren't always right. They aren't always fully baked. You have an opportunity to add to them. You don't always have to say, "You're wrong." You can say, "I love your idea — what if we built on it by doing this?" Or, "Have you ever considered approaching it this way?"

Now what's happening? You're becoming influential, not invisible. Influential — and still easy to work with.

So really concentrate on adding your value piece instead of constantly saying, "Yep, you're right, let's run with it." We don't want that. We want you to add your point of view so people see you're not afraid to speak up, that you can be influential. So when promotion time comes around, when those leadership conversations are happening, you are at the front of the line.

Olajumoke (20:30): Amazing. As you were explaining that, what came to my mind was the image of a robot — you tell it "do this," and it just goes off without asking questions. You don't want to come across as a robot. That's why this piece is so critical. Thank you for helping people see how to actually put this to work, especially in their workplace.

Alright, so now we're moving into the third segment of this conversation — the way out. We've touched on it in bits and pieces, but I want to focus there now. You've created the SHIFT Framework. Walk us through it. What does SHIFT stand for, and where does someone start?

Brianne (21:30): Yes — we couldn't just tell you all of these bad habits without giving you a framework to change them. So this is called the SHIFT Framework, and it's five super simple steps.

S is for spot the pattern. If you see yourself in any of those five habits we discussed, start spotting it while you're at work or going through interviews. Just write it down. Hey, this happened to me today. Become self-aware. Understand why something is happening based on the patterns you've built over 16+ years of school. Just be aware of it.

H is for highlight the cost. Now that you've written a few of these down, what does each one actually cost you? For example, if you take on planning the holiday party, what does that cost? It costs you the time you could've spent networking with leadership. It costs you the time you could've spent building AI skills through a stretch project. Every habit has a cost — write it down.

I is for invert the rule. Take the rule you learned at school and flip it. If you've been telling yourself, "Everything needs to be perfect before I send it," the inverse is — send the email at 70%. I feel 70% confident about this, send it. If you've been totally agreeable, flip it — I'm going to add value to what's being discussed at this table. If you don't know what to do, just flip the school rule.

F is for find your stretch project. I've been talking about this a lot. The cost is keeping you from doing something to grow your career — so now go find that thing. It can be small. It could be reaching out to a C-level executive at your company for a coffee chat. That's a huge stretch goal — but it's worth it, and you should do it. Or it might just be sharing an idea with your manager about something they've been doing the same way for a decade. Whatever it is, push yourself outside your comfort zone and find your stretch project.

T is for track the response. We are nothing without data. We need the receipts. We need to see the difference these new behaviors are making in our daily lives at work.

So that's it: spot the pattern, highlight the cost, invert the rule, find your stretch project, and track the response.

Olajumoke (25:20): That is so impactful — and so simple. That's the beauty of it. My personal favorite is find your stretch project. As you were speaking, I was thinking about my own life, and I realized it was in those exact moments — those stretch projects — that I discovered my real capabilities. So thank you so much for that brilliant framework.

Alright, before I let you go — I have to ask about something else. Because some of the women listening right now aren't trying to get promoted. They're still trying to land that first or next role. You believe the most overlooked job search strategy isn't cold DMs or awkward networking events. So what is it?

Brianne (26:30): Yes — this is how I got my dream role out of college. We tend to think our network is too small. I know I said the dirty word, networking, but as you said — I'm not talking about cold DMs or awkward networking events through your school or a job board. I'm talking about working the network you already have.

Most people think, Well, I talk to my parents, and I talk to my career counselor. I don't have a network beyond that. But that could not be further from the truth. There are so many people already in your life who want to help you get a job — you're just not thinking of them that way.

Think about it. Your dentist. Your hairstylist. How many people do they talk to every day? So many. Add to that — your freshman year college roommate. The person who lived on your floor. Your sports coach. Your professors. Your friends' parents. That's five examples — but there are hundreds of people in your network you're not thinking of. And they don't necessarily have the job you want — that's not the point. They just need to know hundreds of people, which they do.

What you need is a simple two-sentence line. I'm looking for a job in marketing. Do you know anyone I could speak to? That's it. Say that to your hairstylist, and she might say, "Yeah, Patty down the street is in marketing." Your friend's parent might work at an agency.

There are so many people who already know you and want to help. They will pick up the phone if you call. We just aren't even thinking about them. So do not forget about the network you've already built over the past 20 years of your life. They are so, so valuable.

That's how I got my first job. It was a family friend I'd done some volunteer work for, and she shared my name with her contacts in New York City. That's how I got the role. Did they hand me the job? No — you still have to interview and earn it. But the problem in today's job market is that people aren't even getting the interviews. This is how you do it.

Olajumoke (29:15): I love it. Work the network you've already built. You don't need to start by reaching out to people who don't really know you — and that's what makes networking feel awkward. This approach is so much more powerful. Thank you for sharing that.

One last question before we wrap. If a young woman is listening to this on her graduation day, what's the one thing you want her to walk away with — and start doing differently from tomorrow?

Brianne (29:55): I want you to lead with confidence and curiosity — not your credentials.

Those credentials are everything you've built. I'm not saying they aren't important. But in today's workforce, you have to rely on your confidence to make a difference, and your curiosity to lead you in the right direction — to dive into things you're uncomfortable with, to keep learning, to apply that as you go through interviews and your first job. Don't stay in your own little bubble where you're comfortable. Push yourself out there. Don't rely on your past — rely on what you can provide for the future of yourself and the companies you'll work for.

Olajumoke (30:50): I love that. Lead with confidence and curiosity. Every word in that sentence matters — you're leading, with confidence, with curiosity. So important.

Brianne, where can people find you and keep up with your work? And take this moment to tell us about the free resource you've prepared for our listeners.

Brianne (31:15): Yes! Okay — that networking I was just talking about, all the people you already know, it's hard to think of them off the top of your head. So I put together what I'm calling the Post-Grad Networking Rubric. It has 60+ categories of people you already know who want to help you. It also includes a rating system, so you can plug in all these different people and rate them on who you should reach out to first. Super simple, super impactful. I've heard such great feedback about people using this tool — I think it's my best one.

You can grab it at theindependencelab.com/networking.

Everything else lives at theindependencelab.com. You can sign up for my weekly newsletter there — we go deep into interviews, money management, confidence, all the things we've been discussing. For daily updates, find me on LinkedIn or on TikTok at @brianneindependencelab.

Olajumoke (32:10): Amazing — and we'll drop all of those links in the show notes for this episode, along with the freebie.

Brianne, thank you so much for joining us again. It's always a joy having you.

And to everyone listening — if this conversation hit something for you, please share it with every high-achieving woman in your life who needs to hear it. That's how we build careers we are most proud of. Careers that don't trap us. Which was the whole heart behind this episode.

Brianne, any last words as we wrap up?

Brianne (32:50): Yeah — trust yourself. That's what it comes down to. Don't let that go away. Trust yourself. And thank you so much for having me on. I really appreciate it.

Olajumoke (33:05): Thank you so much, Brianne. It was really wonderful speaking with you again.

Alright, Thrivers — until I come your way again next time, keep thriving.

The Thrive Careers Podcast is hosted by Olajumoke Fatoki, Founder of Thrive Careers Consulting. Subscribe wherever you listen to podcasts, and follow @thrivecareerspodcast for more career advice for women, newcomers, and career pivoters.